I still remember that day so well.
But I wish I didn't.
I was so excited to get home from school that day. My teacher had just read aloud the given parts for the spring play and I had gotten the lead. I couldn't wait to tell my mom.
But as soon as I started approaching my house, I saw a taxi parked in front.
My nine-year-old self didn't think anything of it. I thought it could've been there for someone else in the neighborhood.
But in the years after this day, everyone in my family thought I was stupid for not expecting what was going to happen next.
As I walked through the front door, I could hear footsteps pacing back and forth upstairs. I caught a glimpse of my mother darting from one room to another, grabbing various items and rushing back into the room she shared with my dad.
I was instantly confused.
"Mom?" I called out.
She came out of the room and looked down at me from the top of the staircase. She looked surprised to see me.
"Sarah. What are you doing here? I thought you had rehearsal after school," she said with a bizarre look on her face.
I stared back at her. Why did she just look like I was the last person she wanted to see?
I started walking up the stairs toward her. "No, that's on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It's Monday," I explained.
I peered my head behind her and noticed a suitcase on the bed. "What are you packing for?"
She looked at me like she got caught doing something bad. She took a deep breath and ran her hand over her head, like she was trying to figure out what to do next. "Why don't you go take Merlin for a walk?" she suggested. "I have some things I need to get done right now,"
"But what are you packing for?" I asked again, a little more forcefully.
She turned around and went back to the bedroom, continuing to throw things in the suitcase. 'I can't talk about this now. You need to go downstairs," she said.
I followed her into the bedroom, determined to get an answer.
"No!" I said. "Why won't you tell me what's going on?"
She closed the suitcase and turned to look at me. "Sarah, I need to step away for a while. I can't do this."
"What are you talking about? What do you want to step away from?" I asked her.
She didn't even turn to look back at me. She just continued to pack things inside the suitcase. "Sarah, you know things with your father have been incredibly difficult for me…" she began to explain.
I could feel the wheels turning in my head. Memories of all of the fights between my father and her began to play constantly as my mind tried to force me to face what I didn't want to see, what I didn't want to accept.
"…and I've decided it's best for me to step away," she said.
"Wh..Wh..Where are you going?" I asked her fearfully.
"Manhattan" she stated honestly. "I bought an apartment there a few weeks ago."
"Well, I can go with you," I said.
Suddenly, a plan began to form in my mind; a fantasy of my mother and I living together in New York City. I could go to all of her rehearsals, eat out every night, and attend every single premiere of hers.
"No!" she shouted back forcefully. "That's not happening"
My face began to fall and my mom saw my eyes begin to brim with tears. She let out a sigh. "This is why you should've been at rehearsal today,"
She grabbed the suitcase and crouched down to my level, our eyes facing each other. "You need to stay here," she said gently. "You have Merlin, you have school, you have all your friends. Manhattan wouldn't be right for you."
But I wouldn't take no for an answer.
"You could make it right for me!" I answered back. "You wouldn't have to do anything! I swear! I could walk to school on my own, make my own breakfast, and I would take care of Merlin. Please!"
She shook her head. "Sarah, you can't stay with me right now. There isn't any room for that between dealing with you and your needs and dealing with your father and his attorneys…" she began to say, but stopped herself before she revealed too much.
A horn honked outside interrupting our conversation.
My mom glanced at her watch and muttered before turning her attention back towards me. "I need to go now. I promise I'll call you when I have everything settled" she said before giving me a kiss on my forehead.
But as she said that, something told me, within the dark recesses of my mind, that the promise would not come to pass.
As she walked out of the room, I continued to follow her down the stairs and kept calling after her.
"Mom please don't go! Please!" I cried out as I ran after her. "Don't leave me!"
She didn't even turn to look back at me as she walked out the front door and slammed it behind her.
As I stood staring at the front door from inside the house, I wanted so badly to run after that taxi as far as I needed to go. But the sadness overwhelmed me as I sank to my knees and began to cry.
I don't know how long I stayed there, but eventually, I went back to my room and tried to distract myself with my toys and my books. Eventually, I heard my father come into the house and call out for both of us. When he didn't get an answer, I heard him continue to call my name as he came up the steps and opened my bedroom door.
"Sarah, where's your mother?" he asked.
I didn't answer him for a moment as I contemplated whether telling him the truth or not was the best idea.
I decided to take the leap.
"She left," I answered.
My father stared back at me, completely confused. "Left to go where?" he asked.
I just looked at him with no idea of how to explain what had just happened only a few hours ago.
Abruptly, he left my room, and I heard his footsteps go into the other bedroom. I leaned down and pressed my head into Merlin soft fur as I tried to block out everything I could hear him saying.
"How could she do this? "What was she thinking?" I heard him shout. The sound of the phone being picked up echoed down the hall. "Linda? What the hell is this? Your selfishness astounds me!…." he began to shout into the phone.
I closed my eyes, and a thought began to reverberate within my mind.
Someone save me. Someone take me away from this awful place. Someone save me. Someone take me away from this awful place. Someone saved me. Someone take me away from this awful place. Someone…."
Thump.
The sound of something being dropped interrupted my thoughts.
I opened my eyes and turned my head, trying to find the cause of the sound.
Something on my windowsill caught my eye.
A red book with gold lettering on the front.
The Labyrinth
I picked it up as questions began to race through my mind of how it possibly could've gotten there. But at the same time I wasn't looking for an answer at the moment.
I was looking for an escape.
I sat back down with my head pressed against Merlin and his soft fur as I opened the book and began to read.
Once upon a time…