Harry Potter stares at himself in the magic Mirror of Hsiw in his dorm room at the school of Pigwarts, (formally Hogwarts but the name was changed last year when there was a law suit between actual hogs and the school). The Mirror of Hsiw, or the Mirror of Wish showed you the deepest desires of your heart. Harry's desire had always been that the hideous scar that went from the crown of his head to his monobrow would vanish. It was given to him by the evil dark lord, Voldemortadella. Harry snickered at the name, for 'Mortadella' was a type of Italian ham.
Harry:
Damn you Voldemortadella! I'll kill you in a violent wizard battle one of these days!
Harry's best pals Ram and Hermoanie enter the room
Harry:
S'up?
Ram:
Not much, just the usual bickering between Hermoanie and myself which is actually sexual tension
Hermoanie:
Shut up Ram! I've actually been working in the library
Harry:
What else is new?
LATER IN DUMBLEBOAR'S OFFICE
Dumbleboar:
Harry, there's something I must tell you
Harry:
What is it, great Master Dumbleboar?
Dumbleboar:
There is to be a battle, next Friday between Voldemortadella and us
Harry:
About time! But can we make it Saturday? It's just that I've got Quiddbitch practice on Friday
Dumbleboar:
Ok
SATURDAY AFTERNOON HARRY'S IN HIS TENT, PREPARING FOR BATTLE
Harry:
I can sense the atmosphere of battle approaching. I really feel the urge to kill. I'm just going to check my Insta account first. Wait, what's this? Voldemortadella's already dead?! Who did this? He was mine and mine alone to finish! Damn it! I bet it was Dracula Mo-fo, my other enemy!
VOLDEMORTADELLA WALKS INTO HARRY'S TENT
Harry:
Dude, I thought you'd died!
Voldemortadella:
No I didn't, what? Who told you I'd died?!
Harry:
Instaspam
Voldemortadella:
Oh, well, you've been mistaken my boy, for I am alive! Alive I tell you! Like Frankenstein's monster!
Harry:
Err, yeah, I can see
Voldemortadella:
And now, let us fight it out, let the battle commence!
THEY BEGIN TO SHOOT SPARKS AT EACH OTHER
Harry:
Pow! Take that you pooface!
Voldemortadella:
That got me in the eye
HARRY SHOOTS MORE SPARKS IN VOLDEMORTADELLA'S DIRECTION, THEY HIT HIM IN THE CHEST AND HE BEGINS TO FALL
Voldemortadella:
Aaarrgh! I'm melting!
Harry: That's right, you Wicked Bitch of the West
Voldemortadella:
Dead now
Harry:
That was easy! I am now a man! I have killed! Ginny, come here and make out with me, for I am the hero of the hour!
The End