Tubby's Notes:

Name: Collei

Occupation: Forest Ranger Trainee

Profile: A bright, cheerful girl with a secretly shy personality. She's very polite and kind, which is surprising given her life has not been an easy one. Intimacy will be difficult for her. Should she ever come to me for help, I will do all I can to assist her.

With everyone hanging around the Teapot, Collei worried her plan would be foiled. She had been hoping to get Lisa alone all day. Collei had a problem—one that Master and Cyno couldn't solve. She needed advice from another girl, or rather a mature woman.

Collei cleared her throat. Lisa glanced up from her book. "Oh, hey there, Collei. Something I can help you with?"

Collei fidgeted. Tongue tied, she struggled for the words. Lisa seemed to understand right away. "Let's go for a walk."

Collei nodded eagerly. Lisa put away her book and joined Collei for a walk around the Realm Within. They crossed the golden bridge suspended over the clouds, coming to the island designed after Liyue. Orange crystals and jade pagoda buildings lined the square. They were alone now.

"Um… Miss Lisa?"

"No need to be so polite. Just call me Lisa."

"Oh, well… Lisa? I have a question."

"Hmm?"

Collei swallowed. "It's my date with Aether. I'm scared."

Anyone else would've assumed Collei meant nervous, rather than scared. Not Lisa. She understood exactly what Collei meant. Her eyes softened tenderly.

"Oh, sweetie," she smiled. "I understand."

Collei squeezed her wrist. Old memories resurfaced. Dark memories. Lisa didn't reach out to touch her like someone who didn't know Collei would. The librarian just smiled, letting her warm presence wash over Collei.

"Listen dear," said Lisa. "Aether won't force you to do anything you aren't comfortable with. He's happy just spending time with you."

"But…"

Lisa quirked an eyebrow. "But you want to be close to him?"

Collei nodded. Her cheeks blushed, red with embarrassment. She glanced, hopefully, at Lisa. The librarian sadly shook her head.

"I'm sorry, dear. There isn't a potion that can erase that kind of pain."

Collei drooped. So much for that idea…

They had crossed the golden bridge and arrived on the second floating island. This one had been modeled after Ghandarva Ville with its leafy tree huts and sprawling trees. Collei stopped before one such hut. Her mind wandered back to those days when she first arrived in Sumeru. Eleazars made it impossible to touch anyone. The disease was gone, but nothing had changed.

She couldn't shake hands with Kaveh, hug Amber, or kiss the man she loved. An invisible hand tightened around her heart whenever she thought about intimacy, dragging her back to the Doctor's lab.

Collei balled her fists. "This isn't fair. I got away from the Fatui. So why? Why can't I have my own life?"

"I don't know," replied Lisa.

They sat down, side by side on the bench.

Lisa said, "This problem, it's just something you'll have to work on. It's like learning to write. It's never easy, but the more you do it, the better you'll get. And don't forget: you're not alone. You can always talk to Amber and me."

"Can I ever be close to him though?"

"Yes, you will."

"How do you know?"

"You're sitting beside another person now. A few years ago, you couldn't do that."

Collei blinked in surprise. She hadn't thought about that. When had she become comfortable sitting beside other people?

Lisa let out a yawn.

"Don't rush it. You'll get there. Perhaps, sooner than you think."

Collei sure hoped so.

The morning of her date, Collei woke up early. She spent some time doing up her hair and making herself presentable.

To be honest, she was stalling. Part of her looked forward to their date. The other part was in dread. What if she messed up? What if he tried to kiss her and she couldn't kiss him back? What if he wanted to go all the way and she froze? Just thinking about it made Collei sad.

Collei strolled out the hut into Avidiya's morning sun. Aether waved at her. He held up matching knapsacks.

"I thought we could go camping," he said.

Collei perked up. "Oh, I'm great at camping! I know all about making fires, cooking meals, finding edible plants, and pitching a tent!"

"I'll be in your care, Collei," he grinned.

Camping… yes, she could do this! This she wouldn't mess up.

The Serenitea Pot had been quiet once Lisa left. Collei sat alone in the Gandharva Ville look alike hut, tracing the grooves along a wooden bench.

She tried imagining herself kissing Aether. It would feel so good when their lips locked. Then, maybe they'd go further, take off their clothes, and—the hand clenched around her heart and dragged her back to the Doctor's Lab. Her fantasy ended.

Collei lied on her back and studied the ceiling. She tried again. His lips tenderly pressed against hers, as they embraced passionately, and then Aether's face became the Doctor's and his hands became scalpels.

Gods, she couldn't even find peace in her fantasies. She sighed.

"Oh, it's you," said a voice. Collei glanced at the entrance. A tall, red-haired woman in nun habits stepped inside, making barely a sound.

"Hi Miss Rosaria," she said, sitting up. "What are you doing here?"

"Dodging choir practice."

"Wow, Master would never forgive me if I skipped a lesson."

"Lucky for me Sister Gloria isn't so strict."

Rosaria smiled but only slightly. Collei took in her calm, confident demeanor. She studied her nails, disinterested in any possibly punishment.

Collei envied her attitude and her figure. If she looked half as beautiful as Rosaria, she'd be so happy. Maybe she wouldn't have problems.

Collei worked up her nerve. "Miss Rosaria? My date with Aether is tomorrow. I was wondering if you," she paused, "do you have any advice? For being with someone, I mean."

Rosaria's eyes darkened. "No."

"Really? You've never had a boyfriend before? But you're so pretty and…"

"I can't help you." Her tone was sharp like a knife. Collei felt stung. Had she said something she shouldn't have?

"I'm sorry," said Collei. "It's just that I want to be close to him, but…"

"But you're scared?"

"Yeah. How did you know?"

Rosaria folded her arms across her chest and gazed upon the Realm Within. Fingers dug into her biceps. For just a moment, her thighs trembled. All that confidence vanished.

Collei understood.

"Oh. Oh, Rosaria, I'm so sorry."

Rosaria stayed silent. Collei wished she had the courage to walk over and offer a comforting shoulder touch. But the mere thought dragged her back to that place.

Rosaria glanced over her shoulder. Back to Collei. In those pale eyes, the same struggle played within her; the desire to comfort warred with terrible memories.

Collei's heart throbbed.

"It never gets easier," said Rosaria. "Does it?"

"No. It doesn't."

Silence.

Collei said, "Lisa told me I have to make an effort to overcome this."

"Lisa is very wise." Rosaria's gaze returned to the Realm Within. "I suppose…we all have to try."

Silence.

Collei forced herself to stand. Crossing over, she extended her hand hoping to touch her shoulder in solidarity. The memory stopped her again.

Rosaria smiled. "You tried. That's always the first step."

Aether and Collei hiked through the thick undergrowth. Shroomboars and colorful birds scattered whenever they came near, rushing into the nettles or flying into the canopy. They'd gone so far off the path that she couldn't see the village or any trace of humanity. Thick foliage obscured the whole sky.

Not that she worried. This rainforest was basically home. Nothing here could frighten her, especially with Aether by her side. Following a winding stream, they arrived at a waterfall. Far below, giant green mushrooms lined the shores.

Aether grinned. He pointed to a distant old stump beside a gray boulder.

"I'll race you. Last one there cooks dinner?"

"Okay!"

They took up running stances. Together, they sprinted off the cliff and opened their gliders. Collei caught an opportune current that propelled her ahead. Aether, not to be outdone, retracted his glider wings. He fell three stories and landed on a mushroom that bounced him into the air. He leapt mushroom to mushroom like a frog. Soon, she was the one behind.

Collei closed her glider. As she fell, Collei tucked in her arms and legs. She picked up momentum. When she touched the spring, it shot her back up to double Aether's height. All the way up to the four leafed sigils. Collei lassoed between the sigils at breakneck speed. The momentum slingshot her across the forest into open air. She fell.

Moments before she touched down she opened the glider, slowing her descent. She landed feet from the stump, with moments to spare before Aether came bounding up the way. He landed, one second too late as Collei rested her palm upon the stump.

He sighed. "Guess I'm cooking tonight. Good job, Collei."

Brimming with pride, she smirked. "You can't beat a forest ranger in a forest race!"

"Nope," he said. "Let's find a place to set up camp."

He started ahead, when something occurred to her. Normally people celebrated after a contest. High-fives. Handshakes. She had to try.

"Oh, um…aren't you going to high-five me?"

Aether paused. "Do you want to?"

"Sure," she said. Collei apprehensively raised her hand. He went over to her, raised his own hand, clapped hers. And just for a moment, it was alright. Nice even. Time to take it a step further.

Collei offered him a handshake. Aether's hand brushed hers and the forest became that lab. The Doctor and Fatui drew blood from her arm, their horrible leers peering into her soul. She was scared, she was…

"Collei?"

A gentle voice reached her. Aether. The forest. She looked down and saw with dread, that she slapped away his hand. Collei drooped and murmured, "Sorry. I'll fetch the firewood." Then, she staggered into the underbrush. It took everything she had not to cry.

When Rosaria left, Collei wandered back to the mansion. At the entrance, Tubby dozed. Hearing someone approach, the adeptus shook herself awake.

"Greetings," she said with a yawn. "Oh, Collei. It's you."

Collei drifted past the adeptus, lost in her thoughts.

"Collei? Is something the matter?"

The concern in Tubby's voice caught her off guard. Collei put on a smile and assured Tubby she was just fine. Tubby studied her, clearly skeptical. There was no hiding the problem.

Collei summoned her strength for what she knew had to be done. "Tubby. Take me out of the harem."

The adeptus did not react. A light breeze passed through the Realm Within. In the stretch of silence that followed, the breeze became deafening. Then it passed.

Tubby said, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she managed.

"Only on one condition. Tell me why you want to leave."

"I…I can't…I can't be with another person. I just can't."

Tubby nodded. The adeptus ushered Collei inside into the kitchen. There, Collei sat at the table while Tubby prepared her a cup of herbal tea. As the warm water began to seep, Tubby took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," the adeptus said. "But I can't approve. Aether's been busy preparing for your date. You leave now and his work's for nothing."

"Tubby. You don't understand. I can't be with him."

"Yes, I can't understand. I've never known love like you humans, nor have I suffered the trauma you have. But I've lived a while and I've seen humans like you. You're stronger than you think."

She removed the teabag from the dark liquid. Tubby poured sugar, lemon juice, and a spoonful of honey into the mug. She stirred gently.

"Mankind's greatest strength is their solidarity. Nobody has to suffer alone. You know that don't you?"

Tubby blew the steaming cup. She brought the cup to Collei.

"Tomorrow," said Tubby, "Be honest with Aether. Tell him why it's hard for you. I promise you he will guide you through it all. If after that, you still want to leave, then you may."

Collei stared at her reflection. The girl she saw looked so much like that little girl trapped in that lab. Even with Lisa, Rosaria, Tubby, and Aether, that little girl was still scared.

The only thing that changed: the little girl wanted to try.

Aether cooked an excellent dinner. But they ate in silence. They hadn't spoken much after the race.

When they finished their meal, they brought their bowls over to the river and washed them clean. As they worked side by side, Collei peeked occasionally at his gorgeous face. Handsome, smiling in a way that could light up the world…She wanted him so badly it hurt.

They returned their plates to their knapsacks and settled in for the night. Aether sat atop his sleeping bag, hands folded behind his head. Collei wrapped her arms around her legs. Summoning all her strength, she spoke.

"Aether? I want to be with you, but…I'm scared."

Aether sat up. He drew near, squatting over to sit beside her. He waited patiently for her, like she knew he always would.

"I want to do everything couples do, but I can't touch you without freezing up."

"What happens?"

"My mind goes blank. I'm back at the lab, being experimented on."

"What can I do to make it easier?"

"I don't know. But I still…want to try."

Aether nodded. Slowly, he offered her his hand. Collei reached out.

Cold claws clasped her heart. The lab, the needles, the Fatui. The memory was too powerful.

"Collei," said a voice. "Just focus on me."

She did. The lab remained, and yet something had changed. Instead of the needles, there was a warmth across her fingertips. Gentle, protective. He cupped her chin. Collei blushed, knowing what came next. Aether drew in. She closed her eyes.

The lab poured across her senses. Horrible, dank, cold. Her lips touched Aether's. A pleasurable warmth seeped through her body. The lab remained, but instead of coldness loneliness, she had someone beside her.

Collei embraced that warmth, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing him in deeper. Her breasts smooshed against his chest. A loving hand held her by the waist.

They parted. Collei saw herself reflected in his amber eyes. There she was, that scared, little girl.

"Collei?" his voice washed over her. He caressed her cheek. Collei leaned into his touch.

"Aether," she said. "I want to go all the way."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. If I don't, I'll regret it forever."

They removed their clothes. Collei covered herself up with her arms. She was scrawny, sickly, not a woman like Yae Miko. Aether softly pulled apart her arms, took in her scrawny, sickly body, and smiled.

"Beautiful," he whispered. Her heart skipped a beat. The admiration on his face was so overwhelming it made her speechless. Her reflection in his eyes showed that weak, shivering lab rat. But he looked at her like she was everything. Because to him, she was.

Collei leaned onto her back and spread her legs. Aether put on protection and crawled on top of her. He folded his big hands into hers.

"Collei, if you ever want to stop, let me know. Just keep your eyes on me, okay?"

"Okay."

Aether entered her. Pain coursed through her. The lab, she was back in the lab being jabbed and prodded and…no, she opened her eyes. The lab remained, but she above all that, she saw his face. All his love reflected at her.

Their bodies moved in tandem, helping one another along.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said. "Keep going, please."

He did.

Collei clenched his hands, savoring their warm texture. She moaned as Aether's every thrust sent a new wave of pleasure through her body.

"Collei? Is something wrong?"

"I've never been happier," she said.

He alternated between long drawn-out thrusts and short rapid thrusts. Perspiration lined his forehead as he lost himself in her.

"Collei, I'm close."

"Me too. Can we do it together?"

"Okay."

One final thrust brought them both to orgasm. It wasn't loud and explosive like she'd thought it'd be. Instead, it was quiet, soft, and warm. Being connected to him at the pinnacle of arousal made her feel comforted. This was love—all encompassing, healing, and given freely.

"Aether?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we…go again?"

They did.

Eventually, Collei fell asleep on his chest. Lying atop him, ear to his racing heart, she had the most wonderful dreams.

A day later, Collei entered the mansion. She approached Tubby.

"I changed my mind." Tubby just smiled, like she knew Collei would. "And Tubby? Thanks for everything."

Collei took a little stroll around the Realm Within. Her thoughts wandered, not to the lab but to the future. When one day, her own children would run about the Realm.

Collei stepped into the Sumeru look-alike. There, she found that old hut. She went up to it. Revisiting it felt peculiar, like returning to a childhood home and finding it much smaller than it was in memory. It was still home, with all the baggage that came with home. Yet, she had grown beyond it. Or rather, beyond the person she used to be.

Collei stepped back out of the hut into the sunlight. She returned to the mansion and found Tubby.

"Hey, Tubby? Could you pass on a message for me? Let Rosaria know I'm here if she ever wants to talk. And tell her what you told me, okay?"

Tubby bowed. Feeling at peace, Collei departed the Teapot for her morning lesson with Master.