A/N: This is a songfic based on As It Was by Harry Styles. I don't own the characters. I'm just having fun. This story begins at the end of Dirty Thirty.
Joe called when he was on his way home from Miami, where he spent the past week to testify in a murder case he helped solve. He assured me that he asked his brother Anthony to leave the house since I couldn't stay in my apartment after Plover firebombed it, destroying my living room and bedroom.
I wasn't impressed when Joe called me from the local strip club, claiming he was there for the food and it was the closest place within walking distance to the shitty hotel. It took all my inner strength to suppress my rhino mode to ask why he was eating there. Joe said the Trenton PD refused to pay for him to stay in another hotel with room service or other amenities. I didn't really trust him at the strip club, but he promised he wasn't sampling the wares.
Did I want to know if he lied? Not really. I was in love with him and Ranger. Some days, I even thought it would be nice to be married. To whom? I haven't decided. Ranger would be my first choice if he were the marrying type.
Since Joe was coming home, there wasn't a reason to stay at Rangeman. I could stay with Joe until I found another place to live. My current options were to live with Ranger at Rangeman or move in with Morelli. Considering I was still officially dating Joe, it was logical to live with him.
I heard the door open and smiled when Bob rushed to see his owner. Bob liked me okay, but he loved Joe more, not that I could blame him. Joe's house had a backyard and food prepared by Angie Morelli. I looked around the house as I went to meet Joe. It was spotless, no doubt from Angie cleaning up after her boys. She doted on them, but I knew her cleaning services would end if I moved in with Joe. Cleaning the house and preparing his meals would become my responsibility. Did I want to complete those domestic chores? Did I love Joe enough to be a housewife? The thought made my skin crawl.
Joe wrapped his arms around my waist after he walked into his house and pat Bob's head. His lips brushed against mine before he moved his hands beneath my shirt and kissed me. I felt the passion grow and the arousal built low in my belly. Before we get too carried away, I had to tell him about my engagement with Ranger. Kissing Joe felt nice, but it confused me. Joe seemed different. I couldn't put my finger on why that was.
Our phone conversations were different than the typical banter. A few times, we got so carried away with the sexual talk that we were almost having phone sex. My Catholic upbringing kicked in, and I instantly felt embarrassed. However, talking to Ranger about sexual things didn't make me feel guilty or dirty. Why was it different with Joe? I didn't have too much time to analyze the differences between the interactions with Joe and Ranger.
One thing that never changed was my guilt. How do I tell Joe that I was engaged to Ranger? I didn't have a ring to prove it, but that doesn't make it any less true. Our night of passion was more like a silent oath than a ring could provide. "There's something I need to tell you," I whispered.
Morelli insisted on going first. He claimed to miss me when he was in Miami. Joe hated being away from me and made a unilateral decision that shocked me. He gave his pool table to his brother, the same one he bought while supposedly saving for an engagement ring. "I want to get married," he said.
"What? Excuse me?"
Chuckling while stroking my cheek, Joe replied, "I want to marry you."
Can someone die from shock? Because I felt my heart racing in my chest. It thumped against my ribs, threatening to escape. Blood rushed to my head, and I felt my knees getting weaker as my consciousness hung in the balance. Before I could regain control of my body, everything faded to black.
I dreamed about the previous night when Ranger and I talked in his apartment. Ranger had asked me, in not as many words, to marry him. What really happened was I asked, "Really? Who's better than Morelli and is willing to marry me? Name one person."
Ranger replied, "Me." I recognized his expression as a bluff. When I called him on his bluff, he said we could get married in Vegas on Saturday. However, that weekend, I had to wear a hideous grey bridesmaid dress for Loretta's wedding. One of her bridesmaids had an emergency appendectomy and couldn't walk down the aisle that soon after surgery. None of that stopped us from celebrating. I didn't think of Joe once during the night. I felt no guilt since I was engaged to Ranger.
"Cupcake, are you okay?" Joe asked, pulling me from my slumber. I opened my eyes and looked around. I found Mom sitting in the wingback chair beside the sofa where Joe had placed me. She leaned forward to give me a cup of tea. I sniffed it and thanked her. It was chamomile, not my favourite. I was surprised she found it in Joe's cupboards. Mom motioned for me to take a sip, which I quickly did to make her happy.
I wondered why Joe had Chamomile tea. He explained, "Anthony drinks chamomile tea before going to bed. He must have left it behind." After I took a few more sips, he asked, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Joe. You didn't have to call my mom," I hissed.
"I had to tell her we're engaged," Joe replied. "Our mothers need to help us plan the wedding."
"Angie told me the church and the Italian Club have openings next Saturday because Mrs. Blanco's daughter, Leona, cancelled her wedding. Mrs. Blanco had to call all the guests to inform them. She said Leona caught her fiancé in bed with another man. Can you imagine?" Helen explains.
"It's too soon," I shrieked, shakily standing. I never said yes, but I didn't want to embarrass Joe by saying that in front of my mom. What about my engagement to Ranger?
"Nonsense," Mom replied.
Why me? Whenever one small thing went wrong in my life, an avalanche of issues quickly followed. It was holding me back. Specifically, the Burg was holding me back. I needed someone to hold out the palm of their hand and help me from the overwhelming dread of becoming a Burg wife. There was nothing to say when everything got in the way. Marrying Joe meant I would be the one to stay. Ranger would leave.
Nothing would remain as it was.
That Saturday, I attended Loretta's wedding, wearing the hideous grey dress made marginally better with a few stitches to make the bodice fit tighter to ensure my breasts weren't accidentally exposed when the shoulder straps slid down my arms. I couldn't wear a bra because it had one built in, and it didn't look very nice when I tried it on.
Grandma had suggested I stuffed the built-in bra with socks. That was a hard no. Those socks would fall out of my dress with my breasts. Thankfully, Mom made the dress fit better, but I could feel the fabric bunching beneath my arms. It looked hideous. She tried to make it work without cutting it. I had to give her credit for the attempt.
Despite the ill-fitting hideous grey dress, I enjoyed myself at Loretta's wedding. I was relieved when the night ended, and I returned to Joe's house to sleep. He wisely left me alone, understanding I was too exhausted from socializing and dancing to have sex.
On Monday morning, I returned to the Bonds office to work. Lula wasn't there. I felt relieved at not having to give her answers I didn't have. Everyone in Trenton knew I was marrying Joseph Morelli. I wanted to be happy, but deep inside, my heart ached for Ranger.
"Give me a few minutes to get your files," Connie said, blowing on her sinfully red-painted nails. I nodded and sat on the sofa, waiting until she printed my paperwork. How long would Joe let me work after we got married? I knew it wouldn't be long. He wanted a family, and if we started immediately after exchanging vows, my days working for Rangeman would be limited. Waiting for Connie to print the files gave me too much time to think.
Why would Ranger want to marry me? Sure, I'm getting better at my job, keeping my clothes clean, and my cars haven't exploded lately, but why would he want to marry a woman who can barely keep her head above water financially?
"Here you go, Steph," Connie said, breaking me from my trance. It seemed as though I was going through the motions without really thinking about the gravity of the situation.
I tried to rationalize everything. What was I supposed to do? Mom and Angie already have the wedding planned. Joe and I are getting married on Saturday. It was equally exciting and frightening. Would Ranger still be my friend? I haven't seen much of him since the news of my engagement to Joe spread like wildfire.
What else could I do? I had my rent paid until the end of the month. I have nothing worth rescuing from my apartment, so vacating was easy. Rex and his cage were on the table in the hallway of Joe's house since it was large enough to hold his cage. He seemed to like his new home. Bob stopped running down that hallway. Having the cage on the table made Bob slow down and pause to sniff Rex.
I would have preferred to live in Ranger's apartment with him, but that wasn't appropriate while I was engaged to Joe. Living with Ranger for a few weeks was easy. We shared a bed without having sex, I must add, until he proposed, and we celebrated. Was that really our last time together? I tried to remember all the details. My memories fall short as images of my fiancé intruded on my thoughts.
Connie placed the files on the corner of her desk and returned to painting the nails on her left hand. "Thanks," I said and grabbed the paperwork.
Since Lula was supposed to arrive, I returned to the couch and examined the files. Luke Zurich was wanted for the destruction of property. I looked at his picture and remembered the wiry blond from high school. Something about the charges seemed odd. The police found Zurich with the butane lighter, which started the fire, but Zurich claimed it wasn't his.
"What do you know about Zurich?" I asked Connie.
"Only what's in the file. If you ask me, I think someone set Zurich up to take the fall," Connie replied.
"That's what I think, too," I confessed. After reviewing the other three files, Shoshanna, Mooner and Dougie, I gave up waiting for Lula. She was over an hour late. "I'm leaving. I don't have time to wait for Lula."
"Lula had a hot date with her neighbour last night," Connie announced. "That's why she's late."
It didn't take long to capture my skips. Zurich came with me without too much trouble. Shoshanna Brown would only let me bring her to the TPD if I borrowed Ranger's Porsche 911 turbo. I had the keys. Ranger wouldn't mind if I borrowed his car.
As she previously requested, Shoshanna wanted me to drive down Stark Street to show off. I rolled my eyes and indulged her if it guaranteed her cooperation.
Dougie and Mooner were also easy to capture. I bought them McDonald's and watched an episode of Star Trek: The Trouble With Tribbles. The episode was funny and one of my favourites from the original series.
After collecting my cheque from Connie, I discovered those were my last files. Lula was taking over my job as a BEA.