Disclaimer: I do not own the show Law and Order SVU or characters, all rights go to Dick Wolf.
PAIN-PART 1
Olivia sat at her desk signing the last form. She held up her hands. "Fin, I'm done." They had been slammed the last few weeks. She took a breath as she watched Nick, one of the newbies and Munch walk in with another suspect. "Are we ever going to get a break?" Olivia sighed deeply as she quickly regretted becoming a Sergeant. Elliot left and she needed something to fill the time.
Fin looked at her, "Liv, you ok?" He was her partner now. He always did look after her, but he was also second to Elliot. Fin knew the pain her life had been.
Olivia looked at him. "Everything is different." She looked at Carisi, the other newbie, cleaning coffee off of his tie. "I don't have a life. SVU is my whole life."
Cragen listened from his door. "Fin and Liv, head home. Nick and Munch have this covered. Carisi, you're with me. See you two tomorrow." He had been worried about his new Sergeant since her partner's departure.
Fin walked Olivia to the elevator. "Want to get dinner or something?" Olivia shook her head and got in her car.
She decided to head to the sandwich place on the corner before heading home. She looked around, always playing the cop surveying her surroundings. "I'll take the ham and cheese melt with a vanilla frappe."
She saw two women walking in. One was a younger blonde and one was older with darker hair with a hint of reddish tint. The older had on a black suit jacket, she looked professional. While the blonde was in jeans and a T-shirt. When they entered the older woman slapped the blonde's ass. "Just do what I said Amanda." The blonde's cheeks turned red as Olivia starred.
Olivia took her food and sat down. The blonde eventually got the food and sat as well. It made Olivia sick to her stomach to see her being treated that way. "Hey, Amanda right. I'm a cop. Are you in danger? You don't have to put up with that." Olivia thought she was cute. She had definitely experimented lately going from guys to girls. She was trying to feel a void. Blondes were her thing when she was with the same sex.
The blonde just rolled her eyes. "She's a lawyer, she doesn't care if you're a cop. Don't you all stick together? Isn't that the code or something?"
Olivia was shocked as the other one sat beside Amanda. "Why did you get a sandwich? Don't even think about it. Wrap it up and eat the fruit. I can't have you getting fat right?"
Olivia couldn't believe it but every second was getting worse. Amanda was skinny, too skinny. When Amanda rolled her eyes the older woman grabbed her arm and squeezed it. It hurt enough for Amanda's voice to change and call her name. "Elana! You're hurting me."
She released Amanda's arm and took off her jacket. "Just wait until we get home, then you'll know what hurt feels like." Elana took off her jacket and it hit her. That was Elana Barth. She watched her face off with Barba. She didn't work too many cases now that she was up for the job of judge.
Olivia stood up, "Excuse me, a word Ms. Barth." Elana Barth looked at her like she was a mad woman. She began cursing and Amanda was scared. Olivia had something that shut her up quickly though. She watched Olivia take off her jacket and flash her badge.
She heard something she had never heard from Elana, an apology. "I'm sorry Sergeant. I don't think you understand. We are in a dominant relationship. This is what we do."
Amanda didn't seem like she agreed. "She doesn't look like it. I know what that relationship involves and this isn't it."
She pulled Elana to the side and Amanda didn't know what she said, but Elana calmly came to the table and apologized. "I'm leaving, are you coming?" Amanda had wanted out for months. "Fine." Elana took the bag of food and walked out.
Amanda watched Olivia order what she didn't allow her to eat. "Here you go. I'm Olivia Benson." Amanda was thankful for her but now she had other problems. "Thank you, but she wasn't lying. We are together. I have to go home and my ass will pay."
She asked how much trouble she was in. "She's not. I just simply told her, no matter your relationship, it's not meant for public display. And if she wants to be a judge this isn't a good look."
Olivia threw her trash away. Something told her to ask her if she would be ok. "Amanda, do you need help? I don't regret stepping in. I'm a cop and a woman. I understand the dominant role but I don't agree with the way she was treating you. Let me get you a hotel room for a few nights, think it over." Amanda needed dominance, she needed the pain. Pain helped her know she was alive.
Amanda waited until Olivia pulled up to the hotel. Her voice was small. "Just take me to Elana. I can't stay in this hotel."
Olivia was confused. "Amanda, do you want to go to back or is it because of the hotel?" Silent tears fell from Amanda's eyes. Olivia didn't know what she had gotten herself into. "I tell you what since I caused your problem. I have a guest bedroom. You can stay a few nights to think. Is that better?" Olivia tried to read her face. She saw nothing but pain. It seemed like the answer took forever and it still wasn't her voice, just a nod.
Olivia drove her to her home. Her place was above average only because of her mother. Serena Benson wasn't much of a mother while Olivia was growing up, but she made up for it once Olivia was older. It hurt that she didn't really see all of her achievements, but she left her with a nice savings when she died. She watched Amanda look around. "You're a cop? Most cops don't live like this? Are you a dirty cop?" Amanda looked horrified. Olivia realized her face must have shown what she was thinking. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."
Olivia felt sad for her, Amanda hadn't been able to speak freely. When Olivia walked towards her, she saw panic. "I'm not a dirty cop. I promise and here you're free to ask whatever you want. I'm not going to hurt you." They hung out and watched a little television. Amanda mirrored Olivia's actions like taking off her shoes and putting her feet on the couch.
After a snack and a shower Amanda started ranting about her computer for work. "You work?" Amanda smiled, it was the first real smile Olivia had seen.
Amanda talked about being an app developer. "Duh, I'm 24, I better work. I picked up a job with Apple. I work from home and it's nice." Amanda gave a little background knowledge. "I used to live in Atlanta. My parents weren't really parents, but I was smart so I earned scholarships." Amanda sighed. Olivia said she had a computer. "Thanks but all of my programs are on my MAC." Amanda stood up. "Thank you Olivia. I'm going to bed. I'll figure it out tomorrow. Maybe I can go when she's at work."
She did warn her about her schedule. "Hold on. I'm a cop. I could get a call at any time." She opened her desk drawer. Here is a key so you can come and go." Olivia heard the door close and she knew what she had to do.
She called Cragen and asked him to pull Barth's address. "Liv, tread lightly."
Olivia drove to her building. It was comparable to hers and it definitely made her see why Amanda had questions. Olivia abused her power gaining access to Barth's front door. She knocked. She was more than shocked to see her in sexy lingerie. "I guess you were expecting Amanda."
She laughed and walked away leaving the door a jar. She saw a different blonde sitting on the couch. "Actually I wasn't. I've seen it coming for a while and she has never defied me like today. Amanda's ass can't take the heat of coming back. She's not the first and won't be the last. What do you want?" Olivia asked for her stuff. "Fine, it's in that room. It's not much. Get it and go."
Olivia walked in the bedroom. It was so clean you could eat off of the floor. She opened the closet and saw a small bag that was neatly packed. Her computer was on the desk. She walked out to them kissing. "Is this it?"
Barth was clearly irritated. "It's everything that she came with. And Sergeant, if you ever use your badge to harass me again our next meeting will not be pleasant." Olivia grabbed the doorknob. "Enjoy Amanda and all her pain." Olivia slammed the door hearing the two women laughing.
TRUST-PART 2
The next morning Olivia left Amanda's bag and computer with a note. "I figured this would make you smile some more. I like the smile. I can't promise a time that I will return, it's the job. I hope you have a good day." She signed it Liv, her signature nickname, left her phone number, and headed to work.
Amanda woke up and stretched. The bed was so comfortable. This was different. She didn't have a time that she had to be awake. Elana always had her in bed by 8 and up by 5. She made the bed like she was used to and she opened the bedroom door. She was hoping Olivia had an extra toothbrush until she saw her bag, computer, and a note. She smiled while reading it. She rubbed her finger across her name. She grabbed her stuff and got dressed.
After getting cleaned up she put her computer on the bar area. She looked around the family room. There weren't many pictures. Two were side by side. The first was obviously a younger Olivia with a woman who must have been her mother. Neither of them looked happy. The second was they were older, but smiles graced their faces. A third photo was off to the side with a group of men. She had shorter hair and was the only woman.
The house was spotless, nothing to clean. She looked in the refrigerator and it was just about empty. Just a bit of milk and some butter. Amanda opened cabinets and found spices, flour, sugar, and a box of cereal. She made a bowl of cereal and had breakfast. Then she went to the store.
Amanda got food and filled the cabinets and the refrigerator. She started working. Amanda couldn't focus, she kept thinking about Olivia. It didn't help that her smell filled the house. She looked down the hallway and started looking around. Just past her room was a half bathroom. Then she saw a row of closets. At the end of the hall was a bigger bedroom. It had a huge bed that was unmade and a sitting area. Amanda walked around to look at her room. She saw a box and went to open it. She stopped. Elana would beat her ass for being in her room without permission.
She ran when she heard her phone ringing. It was Olivia on FaceTime. "Hello."
Olivia looked at her, "What are you doing and why are you out of breath?" Amanda was nervous. She knew better than to lie, but she didn't know Olivia. "Amanda, it's ok. I was just asking. Anyway, it's been light so I should be home around 5. I can pick up dinner."
Amanda smiled slightly but told her she had dinner. Amanda was from the south, so she made Mac and cheese, fried chicken, and green beans. She heard a man's voice in the background. "SVU, Detective Tutuola."
Amanda saw Olivia look up. "What's SVU?" Olivia frowned explaining they help assault victims. "Maybe you won't be home on time." Olivia said she would. She promised to call if anything changed. When she didn't call, she started dinner.
She was setting the table when she heard the doorknob turning. "I'm home." Amanda stood next to the table and smiled. "Wow, it smells good in here. I thought you meant you would order something. You cooked." They sat down to eat.
Amanda wasn't sure what this was, but Olivia had extended her hand. "You went to get my stuff. What did she say?"
Olivia didn't know if the truth would be painful but she didn't lie. "Amanda, I do the truth even if it hurts. You want it?" Amanda nodded, this was nothing compared to her life. "She had someone else. Just another blonde. She implied that your ass couldn't take coming back." Amanda stopped chewing. "Amanda, you deserve so much more, why let someone treat you like that?"
Amanda sighed because she didn't get it. "I need it. You wouldn't understand."
Olivia didn't understand. Amanda was beautiful, too beautiful to hurt. "You're right I don't, there is nothing you could do to make me hurt you. I'll clean everything up."
Amanda saw it like a challenge. Olivia grabbed the dishes. "I could make you change your mind." Olivia put the dishes in the sink. She turned around and folded her arms. Amanda looked at her, she was dominant and didn't even realize it. Her shiny badge hung on her belt and Amanda wondered how much would it take for her to take that belt off and beat her. She never got that far with Elana, but for Olivia she would. It was something about her. Olivia was a challenge now though. Amanda liked challenges and she fought them her whole life.
Olivia wasn't the one. "No, you couldn't. Trust me on that." Olivia turned back to finish the dishes.
Amanda walked back to the pictures. "Is this your mom?" She heard Olivia answer yes. "Where's your dad? Is he dead?" Olivia never turned but answered yes and told her so was her mom. "Who are all these guys? Did you fuck any of them?"
Amanda didn't hear Olivia walk up behind her, when she took the picture. She didn't snatch it, she wasn't even upset when she answered. She looked at her with so much calmness. "No, I haven't and I wouldn't. They're my squad, well used to be. All these guys are gone."
Olivia smiled, she knew this was a game. Amanda was trying to piss her off. She almost felt sad that no one let her question and explore. Amanda was young but this was like dealing with a toddler's tantrum. "Plus none of them are quite my type. You would have a better chance to get in my pants." Olivia almost laughed seeing the shock on her face. "I'm going to take a shower." Amanda frowned, losing that round.
Amanda grabbed her jacket and left. She needed some air. She found the nearest bar. She ordered a shot. These guys were yelling at the huge tv screen. The Knicks were playing the Bulls. "Man, I dropped 500 on this game. The Knicks are kicking ass tonight." Amanda laughed. "What's so fucking funny bitch!"
Amanda laughed even more, name calling didn't hurt her feelings. "What's so funny is you're a loser. You might as well tattoo a big L on your fucking forehead." A laugh erupted from the bar. His friends pulled him away seeing he was irritated. Amanda saw Olivia's number and sent it to voicemail. When she kept calling back, she kept sending it to voicemail. It was a game and she wanted to see how many calls she would try.
When the Knicks lost he was 5 drinks in and so was Amanda. She didn't even see him coming towards her. He knocked her completely off of the stool. "Fuck!" Amanda thought her ass hurt until she saw the blood from her head.
The bartender jumped the counter. "Jesus Nate! You don't hit girls." His friend tried pulling him back.
Amanda saw red and jumped up plowing into his stomach. Then she kicked him in the nuts. "Fucking pussy!" She didn't calm down until the bartender grabbed her and she saw the blue lights.
The EMT shone a light in her eyes as she watched that asshole Nate being hauled away. She moved her face. "Ok detective, I put a suture on that cut, but if it opens she may need stitches."
She looked at the light skinned detective in street clothes. He looked more like a rapper than a cop. "I'm detective Tutuola from SVU." Amanda swallowed hard. It hit her like a ton of bricks. He was in the picture with a ponytail. "They said he started it, he wanted to press charges, but I think he's ready to drop that. My Sergeant's on the way." Amanda's face lost all the color. It was a game but now she was scared. "Liv, right here."
Amanda was terrified seeing her walk in. All she saw was that damn badge hanging off of her belt. The belt Amanda thought looked so tempting. "Oh my gosh! Amanda, are you ok?" Amanda wasn't used to this at all. She cared about her and her safety, not hurting her. "Fin, who did this?"
Fin saw her anger. He also saw the old Liv again. It was nice to see. He didn't know how they knew each other, but he didn't care. "Liv, I've got it. Why don't you get her home?"
The ride home was quiet. Olivia opened the door. "Are you mad at me?"
Olivia turned around. "Yes. I am." Amanda was a little surprised. "You just left without saying anything. Even if you were pissed or trying to piss me off, you don't leave. I thought you went back to her. And why because I won't hurt you?" Olivia pulled off her badge and belt and walked away. "Tylenol is on the counter if your head hurts."
Amanda took a shower. She looked down the hall and the light was out. She tiptoed down the hall. When she got to the door she stopped. "Liv?" She saw a shadow sit up and then the light turned on.
Olivia wanted to smile hearing her nickname from her lips. "Are you ok? Is it your head?"
Amanda didn't get it. She said she was mad at her. "You said you were mad at me." Olivia raised one eyebrow signaling she was. "Well, what are you going to do?"
Olivia sighed. She had to show Amanda. "Come here." Amanda repeated herself not moving from the spot by the door. "Amanda, I'm going to ask you to do something that I think is really hard for you." Amanda was confused but agreed. "Come here."
Amanda walked over and Olivia patted the bed. "Come here"
Amanda sat on the bed and Olivia pulled her in her arms. "I thought you were mad."
Olivia knew at that moment how fucked up Amanda's life had been. "I am, but that doesn't mean I want to hurt you." Amanda liked being in her arms. "Amanda, I like you and I don't want to hurt you. I want to love you whether it's friendship or something else we can build." Amanda turned to look at her. "But first you have to trust me." Amanda smiled. "I'm going to ask you to do something else that's probably really hard for you though."
Amanda sat up. "Anything Liv. I trust you."
Olivia kissed her lips because she couldn't resist those lips. "I want you to go to therapy."
LOVE-PART 3 I used lyrics from CJ Fam love me for the both of us-Go listen to it.
Fin looked at his partner. "Liv, you ok?" He smiled because she was different now. It had been a year since Amanda Rollins walked into her life. She was different, she was happy.
She smiled a wide smile. "I'm great. I signed the last paper. I'm done. And I'm off. I'm supposed to surprise Amanda, remember?" Fin smiled as Olivia stood up.
Cragen had been at the door listening. "Liv and Fin I need you at the Plaza." They both watched her face drop.
Fin drove as Olivia tried to reach Amanda. "Listen, I'm so sorry we caught a case right as I was leaving. Please call me."
Fin looked over. "Liv, she will understand. It comes with the job. Amanda's been around, she knows." Olivia looked out of the window. Amanda had been around and she had changed. She went to therapy and it was rough in the beginning. They started off basic but Amanda needed a trauma specialist. She was referred to Dr. Alexis Hanover.
It was so bad that after sessions Amanda would shut down and cry. Her alcoholic mother and her gambling father were bad enough, but her thieving user of a sister was a piece of work. Olivia met her as she strolled into town. She stole 5 grand from her and split. She dialed again. "Amanda, call me back."
Fin told her to chill. Olivia wanted to but this was a special day. She had worked 2 months of weekends and overtime. They hadn't even had sex in months. Olivia smiled, the sex made her smile. They pulled up to the Plaza. It was a fancy hotel. She would have loved to take Amanda to a hotel like this, but she knew that wouldn't happen. Learning about why Amanda wouldn't go to a hotel was the worst session. Amanda's father called her for help. She went to a hotel with 500 in cash. She only wanted to help her family. She had given them so much, but all they did was take. The bookie didn't want her cash once he saw Amanda. He raped her in that hotel room while her father ran for his own safety.
It was heartbreaking watching her retell it, but it wasn't just that, it was like she was reliving it. She walked Dr. Hanover out. "Olivia, that was a lot. She's ok, but you may see the effects tonight, tomorrow, next week, or next month." Olivia helped her through it all.
Fin waved his hand in front of her. "Earth to Liv. Let's go."
They walked to the front desk. "Detectives. I have the man in the back. The woman wanted to stay in the room." Fin told Liv he would take the perp.
Olivia took the elevator to the top floor to the room. She knocked. "Ma'am, Sergeant Benson. Can you open the door so I can take your statement?"
Olivia saw the door slowly open. A smile crossed her face as she saw Amanda open the door with a white fluffy robe. "You want my statement? You're hot as fuck with that badge hanging on your belt."
She pulled her in and shut the door. "Amanda, what is going on?" She took Olivia's coat and walked her in.
Amanda laughed. Fin accidentally let the cat out of the bag and told her about the surprise dinner. "I thought you deserved more from me. I know you've wanted to bring me to a place like this, so I kind of arranged it." Olivia smiled as Amanda stripped from her robe and eased back on the bed. She opened her legs. "Are you gonna take my statement?"
Olivia loved her body. It was the opposite of hers. She loved how her breasts fit in hand. Olivia walked and stood in between her legs. Olivia started to unbutton her shirt. "Wait!" Olivia thought she was triggered. "You're always in charge Sergeant. Can I be this time?"
Olivia dropped her hands. Amanda undressed her all while teasing her nipples until they were hard and erect. "Jesus Amanda you're going to make me come before you take my pants off." Amanda flipped her on the bed and slowly pulled her pants down kissing the top of her thighs and sucking on the inside. "Fuck Amanda!"
Amanda teased and kissed up her body until she got to her lips. "Liv, I love you." Olivia was about to tell her the same when Amanda inserted 2 fingers. Amanda covered her scream with another kiss.
Amanda was doing everything right. She was stroking at the right pace and when she curled her fingers upward Olivia moaned more loudly. She felt Olivia's walls tighten and Amanda pulled a move she hadn't before, she pushed her thumb against her clit. "Fuck!" Olivia's body shook underneath her. Amanda held her as she slept.
Olivia was tired, and this pushed her into a coma. Amanda held her hand in hers. Olivia was the one she loved. She watched her while she slept. She examined her face and her body. She rubbed circles on her hip that was the only thing exposed from the sheet. "Mmmm. I don't think my body can take coming like that again." Olivia brushed the strand of blonde hair from her eyes. "You're beautiful."
Olivia looked at her hand. She grabbed the sheet and sat up when she saw her ring finger. Amanda smiled. "Amanda?" She looked into her blue eyes.
Amanda pulled the sheet down and straddled her. "Liv, will you marry me?"
Olivia kissed her. "Yes!" Olivia wrapped her leg around Amanda and flipped her. She hovered above her. "Now it's my turn." Olivia didn't stop until Amanda was running and screaming her name.
Olivia looked at her ring. "When do I get you one?"
Amanda shrugged. "I planned mine, you're on your own." Olivia circled her bellybutton claiming that technically she stole her day. Amanda snuggled up more. "Liv, I owe you so much." Olivia started to object. "No Liv, listen to me. Even when I'm hard to love, you love me for the both of us. When I feel I'm not enough, you love me for the both of us."
Olivia hugged her tight. "Liv, I want something else." Olivia would give her anything. "I want a baby with you, maybe two." Amanda knew Olivia wanted kids although Amanda thought she wasn't ready. "I'll do it. Your egg in me, a baby that would be a part of both of us. I want it with you."
Olivia kissed her hard. "Amanda, we have something special. We have love."