Saving Us

by my08ruzu

[RIVAMIKA] Mikasa had to face the harsh reality of her relationship with Levi. He was so damn tired. Very long oneshot.

With weary eyes, Levi lingered by the entrance of the Survey Corps' headquarters one evening. It had become his routine, waiting for his soldiers– especially Mikasa's return from her patrol. His eyes scanned the returning troops, searching for the specific one among them. Instead, a different soldier walked towards his direction with a composed expression. His initial curiosity quickly turned to irritation as he recognized the female soldier– one known for her often endless reports. Levi let out a sigh as he prepared himself to be launched into an infuriating, one-sided conversation he had neither time nor interest for.

"Captain. pleasant evening." the soldier politely began. Levi's face contorted into a scowl, his patience already wearing thin. He nodded occasionally as the conversation went on, giving the bare minimum of responses as his mind raced, thinking of a way to free himself from the conversation without seeming rude. His eyes darted past behind the woman from time to time, seeing if Mikasa was on sight already.

Despite his distraction, his vigilance never wavered. Then one more glance, he caught a glimpse of a familiar figure breaking away from the group of returning soldiers. It was Mikasa, finally. His heart rate quickened, but he maintained his composed facade. The woman's droning voice barely registered as his thoughts were consumed with the desire to be with his beloved. He wanted nothing more than to take her hand and retreat to the privacy of his quarters.

Mikasa arrived at the headquarters later than usual, fatigue evident in her every step. As she approached the entrance, her eyes locked onto Levi. Relief flickered across her tired features, but the sight of him in conversation with another woman caused her mood to shift abruptly. Her eyes narrowed, and her fists clenched at her sides as she made her way towards them, her face a mask of stoic indifference.

"...Then earlier, we were discussing about the upgraded–" the woman droned on, oblivious to the captain's divided attention.

"Excuse me, duty calls." Levi interrupted curtly, walking past the soldier without another glance. Relief washed over him as his eyes met Mikasa's, and for a brief moment, the world felt right again. The woman seemed taken aback, her confusion evident as he brushed past her. But Levi had no time to worry about the soldier; his focus was solely on Mikasa. The ongoing conversation with the woman had become an irritation, a barrier between him and the one he truly wanted to see.

As he reached Mikasa, the signs of her agitation were clear. Her clenched fists and blank expression spoke volumes. "Mikasa." he greeted her softly as he reached out to her hand; the simple touch conveying his comfort and reassurance. Levi gently guided her away from the entrance, their hands clasped together as they walked toward the solace of his quarters, leaving the noise and distractions of the world outside.

"How was your patrol?" He asked, his concern deepening as he observed Mikasa's tense expression. He understood her mood but wanted to ensure she wasn't on the verge of snapping.

Mikasa didn't respond immediately.

as she just walked beside him in silence with gaze fixed ahead. Her usually stoic expression was tinged with slight irritation, and he could sense that this suggested that she suspected there was more to Levi's conversation with the female soldier than he had let on.

"It was okay." she finally replied, her tone calm but distant. It was clear she wasn't in the mood to talk, at least not right now. The tension between them was palpable and Levi sensed that pushing for a conversation now would only worsen things so he didn't reply.

He then squeezed her hand gently, offering silent support as they continued walking, hoping that with time, the silence between them would ease and they could discuss what was really bothering her. For now, he was content to walk quietly beside her, giving her the space she needed.

However deep inside, Levi was upset, but he wasn't too surprised that Mikasa wasn't in the mood to chat. It was a reasonable, expected response after returning from a tiring patrol and finding him engrossed in conversation with another woman. He knew it wasn't personal, so he accepted her reaction for what it was—a normal response to seeing him with someone else. He hadn't given her any indication that the woman was significant, so what could he expect in this situation?

Still, he wanted to understand what was on Mikasa's mind without being too pushy, "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me," Mikasa replied flatly as she slowly freed her hand from his grasp. Her voice remained calm and she tried to act as if nothing was wrong, but Levi could sense the underlying irritation, "I'm just tired." she added, continuing to walk without giving him any glance.

Levi was not satisfied with her response but he chose not to say something else for now. He sighed inwardly, knowing he needed to address the underlying issue sooner or later.

They walked in silence for a while longer, the tension slowly dissipating. He understood that she wasn't ready to open up to him just yet, but he couldn't simply leave it unresolved. Despite feeling somewhat helpless in this situation, he maintained a respectful distance from Mikasa as they made their way to his quarters, allowing her to walk beside him without any physical contact nor words spoken.

Upon reaching his quarters, Levi gestured for her to enter first before following behind and locking the door securely. For a brief millisecond, Mikasa seemed surprised to find herself in his quarters instead of being in the female barracks, but she quickly regained her composure. Walking in silence, she removed her jacket and walked over to his bed, sat down and settled onto her back, the expression of irritation vanished from her face, replaced by a clear display of emotion now that they were alone. It became evident that his presence was bothering her more than she had let on.

Levi released a tense exhale as he watched Mikasa completely ignore him. His presence clearly felt more like a disturbance than a welcome visit, it pained him to see Mikasa not greet him with the warmth he had hoped for after being apart all day. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he observed his beloved in silence, noticing the discomfort that seemed to intensify now that they were alone. A frown creased his brow as he recognized that his presence was causing her unease, and he couldn't shake the suspicion that jealousy was the root of it. He knew he had to address it, but the question was: how?

His instinct was to reach out to her, to offer comfort through physical affection, but he hesitated, unsure if Mikasa was in the right state to receive it. Levi knew they couldn't let this unresolved; it was only a matter of time before their unspoken frustrations erupted into an argument. He resolved to find a way to clear the air between them, even if it meant having a difficult conversation they both would rather avoid. This whole situation was uncomfortable for him and he was starting to feel uneasy too, yet he dared to speak.

"Mikasa…"

Silence stretched between them for few more seconds before she finally turned to face him, her expression guarded, "What?" Her voice was calm but laced with a chilly edge, a clear indication of her discomfort with his presence beside her. Levi couldn't help but feel a pang of offense at her cold demeanor, leaving him feeling unsure of how to proceed. Mikasa was weary from the day's patrol, knowing that any conversation between them could easily escalate into an argument.

It was unmistakable that she was upset, her distress hanging in the air like a heavy fog, thickening the atmosphere despite the cool weather outside. Levi could sense the tension building in the room, exacerbated by Mikasa's expression mirrored the hardness of stone, the same of the determination and resolve he had seen during every battle. It was like she would rather fight than confront their current dilemma, but that wasn't the solution they needed.

As the silence lingered, Levi knew they couldn't continue being like this. It was essential for both of their well-being that they address the underlying issues.

"You don't seem happy to see me," he ventured, his words careful. Desire surged within him– a longing to offer her comfort, affection, anything to bridge the gap between them but Mikasa's evident hostility made him hesitate. He longed to hold her, to kiss her, to express his love in any way possible, but he respected her boundaries, even if it left him feeling somewhat rejected.

Her demeanor remained cold, yet beneath the surface, a tumult of emotions churned within her. She couldn't deny the pang of jealousy that twisted in her gut at the memory of Levi's conversation with the other woman, but admitting it was the last thing she wanted to do. She knew that bringing it up would only lead to a conflict, and she lacked the energy to engage in such a confrontation.

Still laying on her back, Mikasa directed her gaze upwards, fixating on the blankness of the ceiling as she took a deep breath to gather her thoughts before speaking, "I suppose you could say that," she replied flatly. The mere thought of acknowledging him, especially after witnessing his interaction with the other woman, sparked a renewed sense of irritation within her. He felt like he was tiptoeing around a minefield, unsure of what to do.

"I take it you didn't like me speaking with that woman." Levi remarked, his tone even and devoid of emotion. As he studied her, he felt a strong urge to pull her close, to drown out the tension with a kiss. It would have been a perfect distraction, one that would undoubtedly shift her focus away from whatever was troubling her. But he knew that indulging in such impulses wouldn't address the issues they were facing no matter how tempting it was.

Mikasa remained deliberately evasive, avoiding his gaze as if hiding something behind her downcast eyes, and Levi couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to her silence despite her attempts to conceal it.

"You're a clever one," she remarked, her tone still laced with frostiness as she once again met his gaze. Despite her attempt at composure, the lingering irritation remained etched on Mikasa's face. Remaining on her back, she closed her eyes briefly, hoping to push aside the uncomfortable emotions stirring within her. However, her jealousy refused to be ignored, a persistent presence that gnawed at her despite her efforts to suppress it. With a resigned sigh, she opened her eyes once more, studying his features as she spoke, "You know I'm not fond of you conversing with other women." she stated firmly, her voice flat but tinged with a hint of vulnerability.

Levi braced himself for the uphill battle of navigating Mikasa's jealousy over his interactions with other women. In his frustration, he found her reaction somewhat ridiculous.

"Do you expect me to avoid speaking to anyone else?" His question was more than rhetorical; he genuinely sought her response, hoping to open a dialogue that could bridge the gap between them.

Mikasa let out a scoff, her irritation bubbling beneath the surface as Levi's question struck a nerve. Admitting her jealousy felt like admitting defeat, a blow to her pride as a reminder of her struggle to maintain being reasonable in their relationship.

"You're free to converse with others," she conceded, her tone now tinged with a hint of calmness, "But you're aware of my discomfort when it comes to women who seem to flirt with you." Her words were measured, a reflection of her efforts to express her feelings without fully succumbing to irritation, "I don't see the necessity of indulging in their attention."

Levi didn't want to waste their time in this foolish issue. It was evident that Mikasa was still bothered by his conversation with the other woman even if she hadn't explicitly admitted to being jealous. He believed she had no right to dictate who he could or couldn't speak to because that was just simply ridiculous especially when he was a superior himself. While he acknowledged that her feelings weren't entirely unreasonable, he no longer felt as offended as he had initially.

"I only engaged in a brief, professional conversation with that woman," he explained, his seriousness evident in his tone. Mikasa's reaction seemed disproportionate to him. She struggled to comprehend why she was feeling jealous or upset over a simple interaction with another female soldier.

"Just because you only spoke to them for a brief moment doesn't mean they don't have ulterior motives." Mikasa countered, her frustration with their exchange increasing by the moment. Though she lacked the energy for a full-blown argument, she felt compelled to express her irritation. From her perspective, Levi seemed oblivious to the gravity of the situation, taking her jealousy lightly and expressing puzzlement at her reaction.

She wanted to trust Levi's assurance that the conversation was purely professional, but she couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to it because of what she saw. It troubled her to admit that her heart conflicted with her rational thoughts. She was grappling with conflicting emotions as she struggled to comprehend the source of her jealousy; a feeling she desperately wished to deny. Yet, despite her efforts to suppress it, her heart told her otherwise.

Levi empathized with Mikasa's jealousy, yet he couldn't help but feel unfairly targeted for something beyond his control: his own attractiveness to others. He couldn't comprehend her defensive stance or the extent of her reaction. Sure, she didn't care if he spoke to other people. He understood that. He just couldn't understand where her feelings of jealousy coming from...

Considering himself reasonable, Levi couldn't fathom why she was making a fuss over what he perceived as a minor issue. He had imagined that if their positions were reversed, he wouldn't be as bothered or irritated if Mikasa engaged in conversation with another man. But for her, this scenario seemed to carry a different weight.

He also didn't like that her annoyance with him was visibly increasing each minute. He couldn't shake the feeling that she was blowing the situation out of proportion, attributing ill-intent to his conversation where none existed. It irked him that she seemed to hold him responsible for the actions of women who actually flirted with him, especially when he remained oblivious to their advances. He refused to let Mikasa place blame on him for something beyond his control.

As their mutual frustration mounted, Levi felt his own irritation increasing. The growing tension between them only added fuel to the fire, leaving him feeling even more frustrated and misunderstood.

"You've seen firsthand how I turn women away. The most I've said was a handful of words. I don't give them any time of day." Levi responded, his gaze fixed on her. He wanted to make it clear that his conversations with other women held no significance– nothing romantic or sexual going on. If he wanted that kind of connection, it would be with Mikasa, his other half. But as he tried to explain, he saw her temper flaring even more. He felt like he was wasting his breath, frustrated by her seeming unreasonableness and stubbornness.

Mikasa sat up quietly, reflecting on Levi's words. She felt silly getting jealous over a small moment, she really couldn't help it, but deep down she wanted to tell herself 'It's not a big deal' and she should get over it. However, this issue had already plagued her mind and made her feel overwhelmed and irrational.

"Am I being illogical?" Mikasa frowned as she looked at him, struggling with her conflicting emotions. She started to feel that her behavior was too controlling and possessive, something she didn't want to be. She just couldn't help but fear that Levi might be drawn to another woman.

He remained silent for a moment because he already knew that it was a silly feeling she was dealing with. Her jealousy was a waste of time, a waste of energy. Yet he understood why she felt that way. He knew how deeply she cared for him and hated that she had to deal with such insecurity. What more could he do to make her see that he wasn't responsible for the feelings and actions other women?

He didn't want Mikasa to feel like she was being unreasonable, but he also didn't want to invalidate her feelings. Her jealousy was valid, even if he couldn't fully understand it.

"Yeah," Levi replied after a moment of silence, "But I'd be lying if I said I'm not used to your jealousy by now," He admitted this begrudgingly.

Mikasa was driven more by emotion than logic, holding back her true feelings and allowing her actions to be guided by her heart; Levi couldn't blame her for that. He was the only one she loved deeply in her life— or at least, after Eren. He felt the need to reassure her everytime and ease her concerns. After all, he had a soft spot solely for her.

Mikasa's eyebrows furrowed slightly at her lover's admission. His words caught her off guard, stirring a sense of vulnerability and insecurity within her. She couldn't help but feel as though there was something inherently wrong about herself, as if her emotions were a burden she should rid of immediately. She knew Levi wanted her to snap out of it and stop feeling jealous, but it wasn't that simple. Despite understanding the illogical nature of her feelings, she couldn't shake them, and it left her feeling embarrassed and vulnerable.

"I hate how easily I get jealous," Mikasa finally confessed after a few moments of tense silence. She sighed, running a hand through her hair in frustration, "I know it's not a good look for me to be like this all the time, but I can't help it," She paused, her gaze shifting to meet his, searching his blank face for understanding, hoping he wouldn't judge her too harshly for her struggles, "Do you think less of me because of it?"

She felt another wave of exhaustion and frustration wash over her. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was simply being difficult, burdening Levi with her issues and jealousy, which he didn't deserve to deal with.

He could sense Mikasa's discomfort, and he regretted if his words had come across as insensitive. That wasn't his intention; but he'd rather be truthful over sugarcoating. Despite being bothered by her jealousy, he didn't want her to hate herself for any reason. He wished he could do more, to hold her close and ease all her worries and guilt, but this was a moment where he couldn't. He needed her to be calm, so he made himself as calm as possible too. "I don't think less of you because of that."

Mikasa was quiet for a moment as she gazed on the floor. She felt some reassurance after hearing what Levi said, if he didn't think less of her because of her jealousy, then maybe she was overreacting a bit. "But you're probably tired by it."

When she looked at him, she saw his calm and steady expression. She felt a bit relaxed now that he didn't get annoyed when she complained about being jealous of others. Levi had his limits too. "Sorry." She closed her eyes with a sigh.

His gaze lingered on her, noting the subtle easing of her tension. He longed to reassure her, but the exhaustion of constantly providing comfort weighed heavily on him. As Mikasa apologized, he recognized it wasn't just about jealousy but also her perpetual emotional turmoil and its impact on others. While he wanted to trust her apology, his doubt lingered. He understood her sincerity but he knew this cycle of jealousy would still repeat, though he wished to say she didn't need to apologize because it would be meaningless if she repeated her actions in the future. He felt relieved now that she wasn't acting so defensive with him, all he could do was hope that she wouldn't feel like this again.

"Don't apologize."

This was another thing that Mikasa felt sorry for: the fact that Levi was always letting everything slide because his love for her outweighs his frustrations. She knew for certain that she made him tired and that made her feel guilty for making him worry so much all the time. She was also tired of constantly being in that miserable state of jealousy, it made her feel irrational, insecure, and not in control of her feelings. It also bothered him and she was aware of it. She didn't like being a source of stress for him.

And Levi was like a rock, he was used to everything that came at him. Mikasa thought to herself how nice it would be if she could be like him sometimes.

"Do you think I've been making things difficult for you ever since we became together?" Mikasa asked out of a sudden. Her face was still neutral in expression as she looked at Levi. She didn't want to make it sound like she regretted being in a relationship with him.

He wasn't sure how to answer her. His first instinct was to deny her assumption, because he didn't want Mikasa to doubt herself. Despite the fact that she was being a bit of a problem in their relationship, he did not regret being with her at all. Being with her was worth every challenge, even if that meant dealing with her temperamental emotions.

He wanted to say "No" but he couldn't deny that her being jealous was a major source of stress for him. He wanted to say "Yes" because it was true. He felt like she made it hard to communicate with her sometimes, and there was nothing he could do to remedy it.

"Yes," Levi said it eventually, he decided to be candid, it was important that to be honest with her. "It takes a lot of work to maintain this relationship."

Was it difficult to deal with Mikasa's insecurities? Yes. It was, very much. She could be very irrational when she felt jealous and it was getting old. She wouldn't change any time soon, and Levi had to accept that.

He was tired, but he wouldn't want to be with anyone else. It meant he loved the brat too much for him to just end it.

Mikasa took her time to process his words. They didn't surprise her all that much, she was aware that she sometimes put Levi into some difficult situations due to her own insecurities, but now that he just confirmed it, it hit her hard. She hated the feeling of making someone she cared a lot about stressed, even more so that it was him. She didn't want to seem like a burden to him and to his tasks, but she couldn't deny that she was making things a bit stressful for him. Not because of his words, but because of how he was always so tolerant and patient with her.

"Yeah, you're right..." She kept her voice calm and took in a deep breath. His blunt honesty was always something to take into consideration. She was actually wondering if it was even worth being with her, because all she was bringing to their relationship was just her own problems. "I'm trying, Levi... I really am."

Mikasa felt guilty at the thought of Levi trying so hard to make her understand that he had no ill intentions. She was making him waste his energy and time just to calm her down. Maybe she really was a nuisance to him...

She looked down on the floor, and Levi could feel Mikasa was beating herself up for being, what she believed to be, a shitty partner. While he wanted to reassure her, he couldn't. He was tired of trying to calm her down because her stubborn ass wouldn't listen to him anyways. He was tired of her insecurities. He was tired of feeling stuck. He was tired of trying to prove his innocence. Levi knew that he wasn't doing himself any favors. He understood the risk of being in a relationship with someone like Mikasa, she could be emotionally draining to say the least.

He just felt tired.

He felt a little guilty as he looked back at Mikasa and watched her take in what he had said. He wasn't trying to hurt her, but he couldn't deny the truth. She was being a bit of a problem in the relationship by constantly doubting him and not trusting him. There would be days where she was more calm, and there would be most days where she was more temperamental.

"I don't regret being with you." Levi's voice was soft as he broke the silence. It was true, yes, Mikasa's issues did cause him extra stress, but she was more than worth the effort. He was being kind in responding to her feelings of guilt. He didn't want a relationship where he'd have to apologize for being in it. He was tired of walking on eggshells with the person whom he loved. If only he could explain everything in a way that would make sense to her...

Instead of responding, she silently lay back down on the bed, turning around to face her side with her back facing him, her movements heavy with unspoken tension. She felt bad that Levi was having a hard time because of her. But it wasn't like she was gonna deny it, because she knew herself well how it would end if she started another argument. Not now. His words continued to echo in her mind, their honesty cutting through her defenses.

Mikasa wasn't offended by Levi saying them. For her, their relationship wasn't something that was worth regretting. Even when there were tough days and difficult moments in their relationship, she always felt better when she was with him. She felt like he was enough for her even with all those problems and jealousy. But her behavior was still difficult; the fact that Levi didn't give her any positive responses didn't make her feel better. Instead, it made her feel worse about herself, yet she understood where he was coming from and what he meant. According to a lot of people, having a relationship with someone like Mikasa Ackerman would just be problematic, but he was just more understanding. It was actually a bit confusing for her how he was still so patient and able to understand her despite her own problems.

Even if he didn't say that he regretted being with her, Mikasa felt like he would be better without her.

And that thought was enough to make her eyes water.

Levi just sat in silence noticing Mikasa cry softly as she tried to keep it to herself. He felt a strong urge to comfort her. He felt so bad that he had hurt her. But he knew that it was necessary to tell her the truth and to get her out of the way she was viewing their relationship. He knew that the brat was having another one of her moments of self-doubt as it was as clear as day that she didn't think that she was worthy of his time or his love to be precise. She was already being self-deprecating. Was she really going to keep beating herself up for her insecurities? Would she really believe that she was the burden of their relationship? He knew that wasn't the case, but he was tired of saying it. How many times would she continue to punish herself for simply being human?

His jaw tightened with frustration. He wanted to scream at her, to shake her out of this cycle of self-deprecation. But he knew words alone wouldn't suffice. Mikasa had to find her own way to believe in herself, to recognize her own worthiness of love and affection.

He didn't like that she took his words that way, and he wondered if he was doing the right thing by not comforting her and just letting her wallow in her own misery. Levi wasn't sure how else to respond to her self-deprecating view of herself. All he could do was just accept it, and accept that she was a problem. He was used to it anyway.

Despite her efforts to contain them, tears streamed down Mikasa's eyes, silently betraying her facade of composure. Each droplet traced a path down the side of her face, dampening the sheets beneath her. Motionless, she remained on her side, her back turned towards him, her tears the only movement in the stillness of the room.

Mikasa felt herself break with each teardrop falling down. She didn't want to feel pity for her own self, she hated that. And yet, that feeling had come back to her. She didn't wanna say anything that she would regret later so she kept quiet. She felt like Levi was tired from having to constantly reassure her, so she didn't want to start another argument.

He felt bad because he didn't have the words to ease Mikasa's self-doubt, and he felt bad because he was tired of trying to reassure her with her insecurities. He was used to dealing with the fallout whenever she would feel jealous or bad about herself or their relationship. It made Levi so damn tired.

He felt bad that he was the cause of her tears. He knew that she would feel self-pity in these moments and he caused that now, but he wasn't entirely wrong with his words, it was the truth after all and it affected Mikasa. He felt bad for being the one to ruin her tiring night with his honesty.

Levi just kept watching his poor beloved silently as she wept. He felt guilty but didn't know what else he should do right now. He knew that she wouldn't want his comfort. So he'd just sit.

Waiting.

And watch.

And wait.

Mikasa didn't say anything for a few minutes, keeping herself in that position with her face and body turned away from him. Her tears eventually stopped falling down as she felt emotionally drained just by crying. Her head was feeling a little fuzzy and she just wanted to be alone so that nobody would see her devastated face. But even though she was aware that Levi knew she was silently crying and they were in the same room, she still tried not to make it obvious.

She still didn't want to move from her position and she didn't want to look at him either, so she kept her eyes closed all the way. She just took in some deep breaths to calm herself and didn't say a thing.

Levi just sat and waited. He was letting Mikasa process everything that was happening. He knew that she felt drained from the entire conversation. She was upset, and that was understandable. It was because of him. He felt exhausted from trying to be the patient one once again...

It wasn't easy dealing with Mikasa's mood swings, yet his only option was to sit there and keep his expression as neutral as possible.

"Do you want me to leave?" He broke the awkward silence eventually. He wanted to respect her wish not wanting to talk to him. He didn't want to say anything for fear that she might get upset again and that would lead to another argument, but Levi felt that peaceful time was the best thing for her– to be left alone.

Mikasa took a minute to process what he had asked before slowly opening her eyes. That whole conversation was just too draining for her right now. The thought of him just leaving her alone in his quarters even though she was this upset, was enough to make her eyes feel wet again. She didn't want him to just leave her alone like that, she was just being emotional and didn't want him to see her in this state.

"Do you want to leave?" She finally mustered up her courage to say something, her tone sounded slightly low.

Levi was starting to become exhausted as well. Mikasa always had ways of taking energy and making him feel like this. He was just done of having to deal with this kind of conversation when all he wanted was for them to spend time after a long, exhausting day. He knew that she needed him to be by her side, but he couldn't deny that he was feeling emotionally exhausted as well.

"No." He replied simply. It was true, he didn't want to leave her. Especially in a state where she was emotionally vulnerable. He didn't want to seem uncaring about how she was feeling, yet at the same time, having these talks with her where she ended up in tears was mentally tiring for him. He wanted to be able to tell his truth without Mikasa feeling bad, but he didn't know how else to express it without having these reactions from her.

She had always known that she was emotionally demanding towards Levi, but whenever he told her that, it still made her feel bad and she hated it when he felt like he had to spend so much energy and time just to constantly reassure her of things. She would have much preferred for him not to have to go through that just because of her problems. Instead of feeling relieved, she just felt grateful that he was still there by her side.

He was starting to feel a little bit frustrated. He was tired. He felt as though tonight, just had to be one of those nights where he just had to deal with Mikasa's turmoils. It was something that he had to deal with when he decided to be in a relationship with her, and he was tired of having to do this.

But at the same time, he didn't want to keep having these arguments and silent treatments with her and having to always reassure her. There was no denying that their relationship was draining but he didn't want to say those words to her.

Mikasa could feel the tension between them as they both sat there with their minds wondering. Her mind was still set on the previous conversation she had with him. To her, Levi wasn't making any attempts to ease her feelings and she could tell that he was getting frustrated with this entire situation. She was just remaining quiet and not start another argument since she felt like she was ruining this night for him by acting this way, and neither of them wasn't willing to break the silence.

So, now she was just laying down and trying to keep herself as quiet as possible so that she could finally relax for the night. It would be better if they both just didn't talk right now.

Silent treatment. As always.

Levi felt the tension between them as well. He couldn't help but feel that he was to blame for the mood of the room. He was silent. He didn't have any intention of trying to comfort her. There was no point in trying to be loving.

He layed on the bed as well, his legs dangling over the edge, his gaze fixed on the ceiling. He made no move to break the heavy silence enveloping them. Tonight felt like countless others. Levi was used to being frustrated over her yet he didn't want to express these feelings because of how vulnerable she was and it would only lead to another argument, a cycle he was so tired of.

He sensed Mikasa's silent plea for him to take charge, to shoulder the burden of their relationship's troubles once more. It wasn't the first time she had looked to him for reassurance and comfort. She always wanted him to deal with their issues. She needed him always. It felt unfair sometimes, as if he had to be the stronger one in the relationship. Yet he did what he always did.

Their conversations always resulted in arguments or silent stalemates, a relentless cycle that left Levi drained. Dealing with Mikasa's insecurities had become an unavoidable reality of their relationship. While he couldn't deny the strain they placed on their bond, he also couldn't bring himself to lie to her about the extent of the issue. The thought of ending things had crossed his mind more than once, but deep down, he knew that wasn't the best solution.

Mikasa felt the subtle movement of the bed, a sign that time had slipped by unnoticed in their mutual silence. She found solace in the quiet, believing it was for the best to let it stay that way. Tonight had turned into yet another disaster, adding to the growing strain in their relationship. She couldn't shake the guilt of burdening Levi with their constant conflicts, each one chipping away at the fragile fabric of their bond.

She longed to push aside the weight of their negative emotions and simply lay in bed, seeking solace in the quiet. But her mind refused to grant her respite, the echoes of their earlier conversation reverberating through her thoughts. The rift caused by her jealousy seemed insurmountable, casting a shadow over their evening and dampening any hope of reconciliation.

Avoiding conversation felt like the safest option after their recent exchange. The silence between them felt deafening, amplifying the relentless barrage of her inner doubts. She couldn't shake the nagging question: would their nights always end like this?

What if he eventually leave her?

What if she just let him go?

What if he eventually find another woman?

That final thought surprised her and it made her lay on her back again. She lets out a sigh and glanced at Levi, who was lying down next to her, many inches distance between them.

It felt like an eternity since their conversation. Their nights were just a repeat of what they were doing. They really needed a healthy way to deal with arguments because this was not a healthy relationship at all...

Levi didn't want to talk to her either. They had numerous conversations, most of it being arguments, or silent treatments. They didn't ever talk about their relationship in a way that was positive or constructive, nor having the time to be intimate with each other.

His thoughts were currently racing. He was thinking about how he felt trapped in the relationship that he was in. He couldn't say anything he wanted to say regarding Mikasa's insecurities without her taking it the wrong way or getting too emotional about it, they'd just end up having some argument. Why couldn't they just have a normal night with no issues?

Mikasa on the other hand, tried to not let herself be bothered by the thoughts of Levi leaving her for another woman. She couldn't deny that it was something that had always worried and scared her. The realization slapped her and the possibility is high and she felt foolish for even going down the darker path of her imagination. She sat up, unable to shake the whirlwind of thoughts racing through her mind. She couldn't seem to find a way to relax. Staying silent in bed only made her thoughts drift to a darker place. This night was pretty much ruined.

She had started to wonder if there was anything left after all of this conflict. Was it even worth keeping or should they just call it quits?

Indulging in silence, Levi didn't want to think of their relationship as a toxic one. But when he looked at the state of it and all the problems they had, it was no longer deniable that their relationship was flawed and didn't want to think like this however. It was too depressing. He tried to push such thoughts out of his mind.

He then took his gaze away from the ceiling and rested back with his hands behind his head, he was thinking about just telling her that it was best for them to separate. He had never been so close to giving up on their relationship... He thought that this was what it would be for him after every arguments. It felt like they never resolved anything, only leaving them to simmer and to get worse. He had given her so many pieces of reassurance, and it had yet to fully work.

He felt bad about thinking that this relationship was not going to go anywhere. He did not want to believe that it wouldn't work out, but it was just a feeling.

Mikasa couldn't believe what her mind was actually contemplating, but she also couldn't deny the fact that she is feeling overwhelmed right now. This entire situation was a proof that probably they both would be better off as just friends with the lack of compatibility. But now she realized that maybe this wasn't a very one sided thought. Her thoughts kept on bombarding her and she felt like her head was actually going to explode any second with all the stress she was feeling from their relationship issues. So Mikasa looked at Levi again, who had taken his gaze on the ceiling to distract himself. Their relationship was not on a healthy path and she couldn't help himself from thinking that one of them would soon tire of it.

"Levi." She finally spoke.

He stopped thinking his thoughts when she spoke his name. He glanced over at her and his expression remained composed. "Yeah?" He was keeping his tone neutral to not allow his feelings to slip out. Arguing was the last thing he wanted so he silently hoped to avoid another confrontation. He expected her to apologize, like how their arguments usually end.

Mikasa didn't bother trying to read his emotions, knowing it was pointless to escalate the argument further. She genuinely wanted things to improve for both of them, they needed to confront their issues directly. She recognized that she was part of the problem and felt guilty for dragging Levi into such a troubled relationship. She had been hurting him too much. He deserved a lover who would bring him comfort, not add to his stress.

"You've got me thinking about things I haven't thought before," she said, looking down with a low, slightly monotone voice. Both of them knew their relationship had hit rock bottom, and Mikasa felt the need to resolve this. She wasn't sure how long she could avoid sinking into deep thought, or worse, breaking down in tears again. She didn't want to dwell on their relationship anymore, feeling they were on the verge of splitting up anyway.

Levi maintained a neutral expression. He hadn't anticipated her speaking up; he had expected her to apologize the moment she said his name. This unexpected turn made him curious about where the conversation was heading.

"What things?" he asked, his curiosity slightly piqued. He had been deep in thought himself, and her timing made him wonder what exactly she meant.

The emotions in her eyes were palpable, whether fear or uncertainty. Mikasa wasn't sure where this conversation would lead, but the silence was becoming unbearable. She couldn't imagine her life without Levi, and the thoughts of him possibly giving up on their relationship kept haunting her. She felt sadness creeping into her heart, so she swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to keep her emotions in check. With a sigh, she decided to speak again, determined not to let her feelings overwhelm her.

"I'm afraid that you'll eventually leave me because of this relationship," she confessed quietly, hoping he would remain composed. Mikasa felt extremely anxious about this possibility. What if he did leave her for someone else? What would she do if they parted ways?

"I'm afraid that one day I'll wake up and realize that you couldn't put up with me any longer." she continued, keeping her voice steady. Despite their relationship being at its lowest point, she still held onto a glimmer of hope amidst the chaos. Even though she tried to maintain composure, she couldn't help but be honest about the dark thoughts constantly plaguing her mind.

Levi's expression subtly shifted, transitioning from neutral to a mix of concern and annoyance. Her words struck a chord within him, as they were something he had pondered as well. It was a side of her he rarely witnessed—a genuine vulnerability, no more games or sugarcoating for the sake of her emotions.

"Do you think I haven't thought about leaving?" he asked, his tone blunt yet honest. He couldn't deny that he had contemplated ending the relationship many times, especially with her insecurities still posing a significant issue.

Mikasa was taken aback by his direct response. Her throat tightened as she hadn't anticipated such frankness from him. It took her a few moments longer to digest his words—blunt and unmistakable. Though unspoken, she sensed that the thought of leaving her had indeed crossed his mind on multiple occasions. Her heart pounded in her chest, a mix of sadness and frustration swelling within her. While she wished for sympathy, she was met with blunt honesty. Levi didn't mince his words at all and she couldn't something else but stare at him in stunned silence.

Her mind struggled to process the situation, and her voice trembled slightly despite her efforts to keep it steady. "Of course you did," she managed to reply. It was a bitter realization that, while she had believed everything was okay, both of them had been contemplating the end. Mikasa couldn't escape the truth: she was the root cause of their troubles. If only she weren't so possessive and emotional, perhaps their relationship could have been better.

Levi observed her voice trembling slightly, a departure from her usual calm demeanor. Her reaction caught him off guard when he hoped she understood his perspective and it worried him that she might break into tears once again. He didn't want another argument to erupt; and the thought weighed on him.

Just how many times had he contemplated leaving her before? Mikasa pondered this question, wondering why he hadn't acted on it if his patience was wearing thin. Perhaps he harbored some sort of pity for her, preventing him from following through. Regardless, it pained her to see how deeply her insecurities affected him.

Her eyes followed Levi as he suddenly sat up. She didn't want to admit it, but deep down, she knew it was true. They had both been maintaining the status quo without making the necessary changes to improve their relationship.

"I'm so sorry for stressing you out. I never wanted to make things worse by being a bad partner," Mikasa said, trying to keep her voice calm as she looked at him. His blunt honesty was painful, but she couldn't be surprised. The truth about them needing to work on some serious issues was right in front of them.

Levi nodded, not wanting to place all the blame on her, but knowing his words had struck a nerve, he wanted her to stay calm and not get upset. Things had been bad between them for a while, and he didn't want to ignore it any longer. He hoped this conversation could change things between them as he didn't want the relationship to end. They needed to talk it out, to admit that both had been too lax, to make this work together– something he was willing to compromise on.

"I don't want to hear how bad of a lover you think you are." Levi interrupted before Mikasa could continue. His expression remained unchanged as he looked into her eyes. He realized he might sound inconsiderate, and the last thing he wanted was to make her feel worse. Every time he did, it made him feel bad. He didn't want her to feel like a bad partner, even though he couldn't deny that she had been most of the time. That was just reality.

Mikasa was caught off guard by his sudden words and fell silent. Her gaze dropped to her lap as she became lost in thought. She had so much to say, but his attitude toward the situation only heightened her insecurities. How many times had she doubted him without considering his feelings? She felt like a shitty, bratty partner. This relationship had already caused Levi so much stress, and knowing she was the reason made it even worse.

She felt responsible for the tension between them, and it seemed like he had stopped caring because of it. Not knowing how to respond properly made her uncomfortable, despising herself for it. But Mikasa made up her mind rather quickly and spoke again, her tone softer this time, "I'm pretty unstable. You should know that by now," she admitted, letting out a small sigh before meeting his gaze again. "You keep giving me the assurance I needed, but I didn't want that from you."

Levi fell silent, processing her words. What did she mean by not wanting his assurance? He had always thought she craved that from him. She had often expressed the need for him to be open about his feelings. He had tried to be a loving and supportive partner, but deep down, it was merely a facade masking his frustrations with their relationship. Her comment contradicted their previous arguments, leaving him uncertain about their dynamic.

He felt like he was missing out on something...

"Why not?" Levi asked, wanting confirmation before he jumped to conclusions. He didn't want to bring up that he had given her reassurance on multiple occasions just because she felt insecure about him leaving her. That fact just felt like he was beating a dead horse, plus it was also getting pretty redundant at this point. He couldn't keep reassuring her. The stress it was causing both of them was getting to be too much to handle.

Mikasa felt her throat clench again before she could give him an answer. She felt like there was no use in beating around the bush anymore. Was it really too much to admit? And what would she gain from telling what she truly thought about this situation? Did it really matter that she felt bad knowing he was basically her reassurance-machine? She really didn't want to be so selfish. But she was. So she decided to just finally admit it.

"Because it was just you telling me things that I wanted to hear to avoid a bigger conflict…" The words were difficult to let out but she finally said it in its most raw nature. She mustered the courage to not look away from him while she was talking, the guilt was starting to kick in and she felt it weighing heavily on her mind. "…and I had already gotten so comfortable in the cycle of receiving your reassurances just for an argument to stop. I realized how toxic this entire relationship is because of me." She finally let her thoughts out, feeling like she just admitted to a crime.

Levi wasn't sure how to take that since the information was very enlightening. His eyes slightly widened when he heard this confession from Mikasa, which actually confirmed some of the things that he already thought about her. The fact that she felt bad about how she treated him was not something he had expected out of her; this felt like karma coming back around to bite her in the ass. She was admitting exactly the type of relationship they had that he had no idea what he could do to change things. He felt like everything he did for her did not matter enough and she just wanted him to shut up. He didn't even know how to feel about that, so he just kept his gaze to her trying to keep his mixed emotions in check.

"My words were meaningless to you then?"

Levi asked, his eyes narrowing a little from the thought, it felt like his whole body started to tense up with this revelation. There was a hint of anger in his voice, but no malice. Why was he even trying anymore to help ease her insecurities if she just doubted his words every time?

His tone had definitely made Mikasa feel awful, the way he had asked that question had made her feel a little confused and guilty. She hated that she got him more worked up now than just staying quiet. For once, she had to admit she had made so many mistakes. Just for her own selfish reasons... She felt the blood rising to her face from the shame she had been feeling about this entire situation.

"It's not like that. It's just–" She looked away as she tried to find the right words to say. She didn't want him to think she was just taking his reassurances only for the sake of stopping the conflicts, in which she actually felt comfort from them. Maybe it was her own insecurities that kept her from not believing in what he said, or maybe it was because of how toxic the cycle of arguments were affecting her. Maybe it was a bit of both... "I'm... naturally selfish. I would rather keep in my true feelings than letting it spill out. I don't want you to keep picking up the pieces for me because that's something I have to do for myself." Mikasa's voice sounded soft yet the guilt and embarrassment was clear in her tone as she spoke, she couldn't keep her eyes on him while admitting to such an awful thing.

Levi was having a hard time believing what she was said so he stayed silent for a moment. It sounded like some bullshit to him. The anger that had been starting to build up slowly started to disappear the more she spoke. The fact that Mikasa knew this was entirely her fault would probably explain why she had been treating him so shitty.

"You haven't been picking up the pieces for me though. Only I am the one doing it and trying to keep us from going downhill even more than we already have. To deny it is to just be lying for yourself." Levi said calmly. He didn't need to get angry or upset at her any more than that, but she needed to face the harsh truth.

Her eyes met his for a brief moment, she knew he was right. The realization finally hit her just how selfish and bratty she was truly being... not only towards Levi but to herself. She had been in denial for way too long.

The brutal honesty in his voice only made her feel worse about herself. Mikasa was starting to regret even coming here to talk this out despite the need for it. Was she really being such an awful person to him? Maybe she had been denying that for a while now, but she couldn't keep doing it anymore. She felt her body tensing up more from the overwhelming stress she was feeling.

He hadn't been wrong with the way he said that. She had never picked up any pieces from their conflicts. Instead, she was the one creating the problems and Levi was the one who always had to deal with it. Mikasa was finally getting called out for her wrongdoings, she felt like maybe she needed to hear this all this time. Her shoulders fell down when she spoke, she sounded a bit defeated.

"I'm not really denying that..." She spoke softly. She didn't want to try and deflect what she was being told. No matter what, she knew deep down inside that Levi was the one trying to constantly make the relationship work. It was just too damn heartbreaking for her.

He watched the way her expression changed into full honesty. A bitter realization that she had actually been the one who had been causing the most damage in this relationship. The stress that she had put on him in her quest to keep herself from feeling too insecure had been a burden for him in the end.

"As long as you are aware." Levi wanted to cut off further communication on that topic because he didn't need to continue talking about that anymore. There wasn't anything else to say to that.

She looked away, this time feeling even more humiliated. She never noticed just how much damage she had been causing him, and just how selfish she was being. She couldn't even deny it anymore. There was a long silence between the two while she was processing everything that was said. This wasn't how she expected the conversation to go when she first came to talk this out about her jealousy.. but this was what she had to face: the harsh reality of their relationship. Mikasa finally took a deep breath and was ready to move past it.

Her expression fell into hopelessness and she felt like she was about to fall apart right on the spot. Her gaze met with her lap as she sighed and closed her eyes, "But if I lose you, I'd be losing a huge part of myself..." Her voice was calm and quiet, there was a hint of pain to it but more so of heartbreak. Now that Mikasa had admitted the truth about her actions, she felt like the worst person ever for doing such things to him. The fact that it affected him so negatively was painful to acknowledge. She just felt so guilty that it was making her chest tighten up more than it needed to. She didn't know much else about this that was left to be said anyways.

Those words coming from her surprised him. Levi was not sure what to say in response but he didn't think that would be her reaction either. He thought it should make him feel better or at least feel slightly more at ease, but for some reason he couldn't really feel any of that. He might've thought of leaving her several times, but he didn't really plan on doing so. Mikasa really did love him– not just as her lover but as a fundamental part of who she was. He didn't understand why she felt so bad. She hadn't lost him yet so why was she acting like all hope was lost already?

"Why do you sound defeated? I never called off this relationship, did I?"

Mikasa lifted her head up to glance at him. He had a point... It's not like he was officially leaving her... All this worry and despair she was feeling didn't make sense at all. Why would she be so defeated when all he had told her were truths that needed to be told? There really was no reason to be acting this way...

The fact that Levi didn't quite comprehend the extent of her sadness made her feel so much worse about this entire situation. She was already such an insecure mess that maybe this was her giving up entirely. She had already been through a good number of failures recently in her life. She knew she had to try and explain her own emotions rather than expecting him to know.

Mikasa was quiet for a moment before she spoke again. She didn't look up at him, instead she kept her gaze down before responding. "Well, it's just that... you made it abundantly clear that I've been the one making your life a living hell than it already is. And the fact that you have thought about leaving multiple times now..." Even though he couldn't necessarily even notice it, her voice now sounded slightly anxious. She couldn't believe how terrible she'd been to him and it made her want to fix everything, "I know I'm one more argument away from losing you."

Levi felt slightly pissed off from that statement. Just how pessimistic was she? He was only trying to explain things without sugarcoating anything. He thought it would help but instead he ended up making her worse with his honest words. At times like this he felt like he should just keep his mouth shut. This relationship was just too much for him sometimes, the stress and anxiety that this was bringing up in him was too much for him to handle.

"Stop being dramatic, Mikasa." Levi said firmly. He didn't want to sound sympathetic just so she would feel better. "Aren't you realizing you can stay with me as long as you're willing to work on fixing our issues? I never gave up on you and I don't plan to."

Mikasa could feel her stomach churn in response to his firm tone, this was definitely not the reaction she expected from him. She thought he would show some type of compassion for her feelings, not invalidate them entirely. She couldn't help but feel awful by his use of the word 'dramatic'. As much as she didn't want to admit, she was being overly emotional about this entire situation. It's just... how could she not? She had really taken Levi to a point where his stress was about to give him a heart attack. She had a lot of things that she needed to work on for herself knowing this conversation was exacerbating her isues.

She looked towards him and let out another deep sigh before finally speaking, "I know you haven't given up on me. Yet. But you also haven't made it clear if you still will." Her tone sounded as if the will to even try was being crushed with every passing word she spoke. This conversation was just too overwhelming for her to process.

There was absolutely no denying that she was over-dramatizing the situation, but she had already lost the capacity to think this through. All the guilt she felt from the truth Levi had revealed about their relationship made her think this exact way. She could no longer even imagine going through one more day with the way things were going.

She was starting to drain him mentally. Her words were a bunch of horseshit to him. Every time she opened her mouth he could hear her self-pitying attitude take a step up as she just kept on and on about how stressed out he was about the relationship and herself. It was like she didn't even take into account the things that he felt and how badly the toxicity was affecting him.

This conversation was going nowhere fast and it felt like a waste of time. There was nothing in this conversation that was making him feel any better about the stress he had to endure. It was so infuriating for him to have to deal with the same guilt trip every damn time they had these types of talks.

"You're being ridiculous." He said flat out in attempt to just shut down whatever was running through her mind at that moment. "I haven't figured out how much work you're actually willing to put into fixing this relationship. You can talk all you want, but what you do is what truly matters." Levi was starting to get a little pissed by she was saying. She was being delusional because she was so caught up in being self-critical.

Mikasa felt insulted once again by his choice of words, she felt as if he was treating her as if she was a child with a tantrum to throw. Though she couldn't really deny that she was acting immature right now. At this point, she didn't think there was much she could say or do to even get out of this... she was honestly stuck and it made her feel completely powerless. There was nothing else that was really needed for her to keep arguing about, she had lost the argument entirely with her own over-dramatizing attitude.

She was at loss for words for few moments. She couldn't argue against him at this moment because everything he was saying was true. Just by having this talk, nothing was guaranteed that it would go well for the both of them. She had to take actions to actually show her effort into this relationship. This was not his responsibility alone, it was theirs.

"I know... I just need you to believe in me." She finally said in response after taking a few more breaths, realizing that she was really being ridiculous and over-dramatizing this entire situation.

For the first time since the beginning of the argument, Levi's face had loosened up some. The realization that she was being overly dramatic and was being very pessimistic about their relationship actually had her considering the situation a little better. He knew she wanted him to blindly trust that she would change for the better, which was bullshit. He wasn't about to believe in her until she could prove that she had the drive or determination to actually work on fixing this relationship. She had said so many times that she wanted to but so far, this conversation had been nothing more than a broken record from what she had told him in the past.

"I'll believe you once I see you actually change." Levi replied as he stood up, he didn't need to say or do anything else. He couldn't keep his frustration contained anymore. Every time they had conversations like this one it always ended up the same way: him putting in extra effort to make her feel better without even considering his own feelings. It was a waste of time, but he just couldn't let it go. Everything she said only made him feel worse.

He didn't care if he sounded patronizing with his words or not, it was just the honest truth no matter how much he had been hurting her feelings with his words. It was really getting on his nerves how hard she was falling apart and it made him wish he just stayed silent. Even though he wasn't going to believe her words, she did in fact realize she was causing a lot of the issues they were facing. That was the first step to making progress– to making this worth it again.

Mikasa, meanwhile, felt slightly offended by the way he didn't seem to genuinely believe her, but he was right. She knew she had made that promise more times than she could count yet, even she couldn't deny that those words carried no actual meaning, and her efforts were basically non-existent. She couldn't get him to believe in her solely by words alone. It was why she was feeling so defeated right now. Her attitude had led her to the very end of the road and there was no one to blame except for herself.

In the middle of her thoughts, Levi stood up from the bed, his movements deliberate as he walked towards the door. His expression remained stoic, giving no indication of his thoughts. With each step, the distance between them seemed to grow, a tangible barrier accentuating the rift between them.

As he reached for the door handle, Mikasa's voice stopped him. "Where are you going?" she asked, her tone tinged with a hint of concern, it was a stupid question. This whole situation was clearly exhausting them right now. Nothing seemed right anymore. The feelings of hopelessness were back but she couldn't find the drive to fight against them. She stared at him in silence, a knot forming in her stomach. The gravity of the situation weighed heavily on her, realization sinking in as she witnessed him preparing to leave her alone in his own quarters.

Levi glanced back at Mikasa over his shoulder, she looked unwilling to let the matter, or him, rest. It was becoming increasingly absurd. Frustration welled up inside him once more, reaching a breaking point. Her persistence in prolonging the conversation was grating on his nerves, and he couldn't bear it any longer.

The last thing he wanted to do was to keep talking. He didn't want to hear another tearful apology or her begging him to not leave her. At the moment, he was drained and didn't feel like dealing with her, as it was just a bit too stressful to keep this up. Not like it had been his idea to even talk in the first place. He originally planned to have a relaxing night with her after her tiring patrol but she ruined it starting from her jealousy and this entire conversation. So he was leaving. He just wanted to be alone for a while.

"There's nothing else I wish to discuss with you." Levi said bluntly. His expression remained unchanged in response to the question. He was done dealing with her emotions at that moment. She needed some time to process the facts and to let everything he had been telling her sink in. He wasn't about to stick around for any longer than he needed to. Everything that needed to be said from him had been said.

It was all left to her now.

Mikasa felt so disappointed in the way he just simply dismissed her like that. But what did she really expect him to actually stay and keep trying? She had made Levi this frustrated and exhausted so, who was she to get upset about it? Everything was all her fault. She felt helpless and frustrated.

She wasn't about to say that she was longing for him. She was also looking forward to spend time with him this night to soothe her tiredness from patrol, to relax with him, and maybe... be intimate... but her jealousy got over her and chose to just argue with him. All she really wanted was him but it was clear that he wasn't going to provide any anymore.

"I know. It's just..." Mikasa was trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say right now, but she couldn't find the right words. She looked down feeling slight warmness on her cheeks, her voice low and calm but there was hint of shame in it. "I was hoping you'd want to stay here with me..."

The request completely stunned Levi for a moment. He felt absolutely horrified by the way she was sounding at the moment. It was just so pathetic, she was basically begging him to stay with her after everything. At first, he wasn't sure what to make of her request but he wasn't denying that it would be nice to have the feeling of closeness they haven't shared for a long while now. He could only imagine what being in that bed tonight would've been like... There was a small desire to forget about their fight, at least with his lover next to him.

They did it a ton of times in the past, especially after them being so busy with their own duties. It's not that there was anything wrong with her, it's just he wasn't in the mood anymore. It was strange that things that had been enjoyable for him in the past was actually bothering him now.

"Do you really think I would be in the mood to stay with you after all of this?" Levi said firmly. He would've loved a night of lovemaking with her too but her attitude definitely ruined his desire to do so. It was just too much for him. Did she really think that by asking this, everything would be back in order so easily?

Well, that was the truth. How she could think it was possible to make up just by trying to offer something like that? After everything she had put him through? Mikasa couldn't even blame Levi for feeling this way. She was just desperately trying to find some sort of affection, it's been a while after all. There was no way it could be expected of him to want to be intimate with her after the way she was acting. If anything... it was just wishful thinking on her part, something that she couldn't bring herself to even admit now.

She felt ashamed, not even being able to admit just how desperate she was for him to stay and be in his bed with her right now.

"You're right..." The words were forced out of her. She felt completely devastated and ashamed by the words she had just spoken because she was the one who pushed them past the point of return. Mikasa hated how she sounded so pathetic and needy. She wasn't even trying to deny that anymore, she just wanted him so much. The worst part of it was knowing in the back of her mind that he was definitely not going to say yes. Even right now, she was still feeling that sting from his words in her chest.

Levi didn't respond immediately as he just couldn't help but feel disappointed by the way she was behaving right now. Would she just really never make any actual efforts to change to make this work in the end? He doubted she was even willing to fix the problem when it would continue to just keep coming back over and over again with no breaks. The mere idea that she didn't think things were really that bad between them and was begging for him to share a bed with her... The last thing he wanted was to be near her right now but a selfish part of him wanted to feel that closeness between them again. The very idea would be laughable if it wasn't so pitiful. He did not want to feel this disappointed in someone else, but this was just too much.

Though Levi did feel a little bit bad about the way she was acting. It wasn't like she was doing all of this on purpose and she couldn't control the way that she felt. She was feeling pathetic because of the way he was treating her right now. He knew it was because she had caused him so much stress. She was right, this relationship was too much for him to handle, but it wasn't entirely her fault, it was just the way things were going right now.

"I'll be in my office, go rest." he replied curtly before opening the door and stepping out, closing the door behind him, leaving Mikasa alone with her thoughts and the painful realization of how far they had drifted apart.

He wasn't going to pretend like her sadness wasn't bringing him even the tiniest amount of regret for being so brutally blunt with her. He won't let out his emotions by attacking her back for putting everything on him but it seemed to only make it worse. He hated seeing his lover in this state, so vulnerable, so it was better to not see her at this point.

Alone in Levi's quarters, Mikasa was left to grapple with the weight of their fractured relationship. The silence that followed his departure was deafening, each passing moment filled with unspoken words and unresolved emotions. The realization of her own actions weighed heavily on her, and she couldn't shake the feeling of regret.

However, she couldn't help but hold onto a small glimmer of hope. Perhaps, amidst the chaos, they would find a way to heal the wounds that had torn them apart. And maybe... just maybe... they could rebuild their relationship stronger than before.

The future was uncertain, but one thing was clear—both Mikasa and Levi were willing to fight for their love, no matter the obstacles they faced.