Notes: The idea behind this story: no matter what his luck score is, it makes no sense at all that Kazuma is the only one in his party that has died. Unless, he's the only one... that hasn't been blessed. Yet. So I started imagining what a blessed Kazuma would look like, and as you have probably already figured out, that depends, rather heavily, on which goddess does the blessing.

Goddess's Blessing On This Wonderful Minion!
A Konosuba Fanfic by
Nate Grey (xman0123at-aol-dot-com)
Chapter 1: Blessed Be Thy Darkness

Eris sighed and shook her head. "You know, we really should stop meeting like this, Kazuma-san."

"I don't know if I could agree to that, Eris-sama," the young man seated before her replied. "Of course, dying sucks, you'll get no debate from me over that. But still, this is the only way I get to meet with a proper goddess. And the thought of never seeing Eris-sama's pleasing face again is bad enough. But combined with only having that horrible example of what a goddess should not be like as an example of what they are like, would be far too cruel a fate."

Eris blushed lightly and smiled. "I don't know, Kazuma-san. Hearing you speak to me that way, makes me think that perhaps you've learned a great deal about how to handle a goddess from traveling with Aqua-senpai."

Kazuma frowned. "No, I hate to say it, but Eris-sama is totally incorrect on that count. The only thing I've learned from that useless goddess is how to manage a pest."

"Oh, really? I wonder," Eris murmured thoughtfully. "You always complain about her, and yet you always eventually return to her side when she calls you back."

"That's only because I know she cares nothing about the rules, so she'll always revive me. Which is only fair, since it's usually indirectly because of her that I wind up getting killed. If I took my chances in a new life, there's no guarantee I'd be revived if I died there. And if for some reason I don't like heaven, I'm stuck there."

"And those are the only reasons you continue to travel with Aqua-senpai?" Eris asked, looking somewhat disappointed.

Kazuma shrugged. "She's not horrible on the eyes as long as she's not talking, and I admit her healing and anti-undead spells come in handy from time to time. But they should, since the undead keep showing up because of her, and she's often the source of troubles that get me injured. In short, everything good about her is mixed with more bad."

Eris frowned at him. "You know, Kazuma-san, I could point out plenty of your own negative qualities, and judge you solely based on those, if I wished. And I'm sure Aqua-senpai could do the same. But as much as she complains about you, she has never once turned her back on you when you've died, has she?"

"That's true," Kazuma murmured, "although that's so she can insult me for dying, and then demand that I praise her for her efforts."

Eris shrugged. "Would that be so unreasonable? She isn't required to revive you. In fact, she broke several rules by doing so even once. If any goddess other than me was aware of that, she would suffer dire consequences. Given that, I think a simple display of gratitude is warranted."

Kazuma stared at her. "While it doesn't shock me that Eris-sama would defend the honor of another goddess, this one has said some rather unflattering things about-"

"You want to know why I'd bother defending her," Eris correctly concluded. "I realize she has a personality that takes some getting used to, and her pride sometimes ruins the impact of her generosity, and she insults others without hesitation, and she never-"

"Ah, I see even Eris-sama is not above a little revenge!" Kazuma said approvingly.

Eris blushed. "A-Anyway! I know she has her bad points, but she has good ones as well! And I do want you two to succeed in this world, so if I can help you get along with each other, then I'm happy to. Besides, this would benefit you both immensely."

"But most of why we don't get along is her fault," Kazuma insisted. "She's lazy, she-"

"We could list her bad points all day and it wouldn't get us anywhere!" Eris interrupted.

"It would make me feel better," Kazuma muttered.

Eris sighed. "What I'm trying to tell you is that there are benefits to treating a goddess with respect, Kazuma-san. Or hadn't you realized that from our own encounters? I certainly do not have to be so cooperative. I could have ignored Aqua-senpai's threats of blackmail, and exposed what she did. Which would get her punished and leave you, as it were, entirely out of luck."

Kazuma suddenly became very nervous. "B-But surely Eris-sama would not do something so cruel?"

"No, I wouldn't. Not now that I've come to learn more about you. And not just because of the blackmail. But I really think it's in your best interest to take my advice when I offer it to you. Because I don't have to, and it's not like anything you've been doing has improved the relationship between you and Aqua-senpai, at least according to you."

"That's true. And if you know some embarrassing secret that I could use to force Aqua into changing her-"

But Eris was already shaking her head with a frown. "You aren't paying attention, Kazuma-san. The whole point is that you're supposed to treat a goddess with respect, not use her secrets to blackmail her."

"So I'm supposed to be nice to her, and then stand there and take it when she insults me?" Kazuma demanded. "Why would I do something so totally outside of my nature?"

"What do you think happens to a person who manages to touch the heart of a goddess?"

"I imagine they get instant divine punishment," Kazuma answered at once.

Eris stared at him blankly. "I didn't mean touch in the physical sense."

"Oh. In that case, I don't know."

"They earn that goddess's favor. Which can mean many different things, depending on the goddess and the person. But in this world, a goddess's favor generally means a major stat boost. You won't find it on any adventurer card, of course, but the impact tends to be quite visible."

"Really? I haven't noticed anyone like that."

Eris smirked. "I'll give you a hint: you know someone that has earned my favor."

Kazuma blinked. "Can you give me another-?"

"They're in your party."

"Maybe one more hi-?"

"It's Darkness!" Eris snapped.

Kazuma immediately laughed. "You're joking! She's the most perverted person I know! How could she have possibly earned your favor? And even if she did, I've seen no sign of it!"

"Have you ever stopped to consider that you are the most perverted person she knows?"

"Oh. But even so!"

"She prayed to me for a friend," Eris said, a small, gentle smile forming on her face as she spoke. "So genuinely that I couldn't leave her all alone."

"That's it?! That's all she had to do?!"

"Kazuma-san, most people want friends for selfish reasons, and they would never think to pray for them. It's true that Darkness wanted a friend because she was lonely. But she also hoped that she could prevent someone else from being lonely, by being a friend herself."

Kazuma snorted. "Fine, but how in the world is she blessed? Her attacks almost never connect!"

Eris smirked. "Between the two of you, who would you say takes more damage more often?"

"Darkness, obviously. What's your point?"

"How many times has she died, that you know of?"

Kazuma shrugged. "Never."

Eris nodded. "How many times have you died?"

"Hang on, I feel like you're trying to make a point here..."

"I'm sure it will come to you."

Kazuma thought for a few seconds. "Wait, you're saying Darkness has never died because of your blessing? Isn't that only due to her really high HP and defense?"

Eris merely smiled at him and said nothing.

"Wait, that's the blessing?!"

"All I know is, if you had a goddess's favor, you likely wouldn't die so often, if ever. And there could come a point where even I have trouble covering up the fact that you've been revived so many times. My superiors wouldn't let that slide, and you could suddenly find yourself dealing with a goddess who is far more strict. So you should try to better appreciate the goddess who is on your team right now."

"Doesn't really feel like she's on my team," Kazuma replied. "It's more like she's on her own team, by herself."

"Then maybe you should try joining her-"

"I WILL NEVER JOIN THE AXIS CULT!" Kazuma roared passionately, leaping out of his chair. Clearly, he was one of many who had suffered through some negative interactions with the cult. Frankly, roaring inappropriately was one of the milder reactions that Eris had witnessed.

Eris blinked. "And I would never ask you to. I was only suggesting that you might take an interest in the things that she is passionate about."

"You mean like the Axis Cult," Kazuma muttered reluctantly.

"Other things she is passionate about," Eris said firmly.

"You mean booze? Money? Spreading insulting rumors about you?"

It took considerable effort for Eris to maintain her smile. "I'm sure you'll find something, Kazuma-san."

Continued in Chapter 2: Axis-Adjacent Assistant

Kazuma becomes very helpful to Aqua. Megumin is instantly suspicious.