Jeremy's War
"Jason, I can't believe you are even thinking about this! Do you really want to enlist in the Civil War?" Joshua asked.
Jason, age 22, and Joshua, age 15, were having a late-night discussion. Their 11-year-old brother, Jeremy was in bed asleep.
"Why shouldn't I consider it, Josh? It's about a basic human right, the right of every man to be free no matter the color of his skin. I want to be a part of making a despicable wrong go away." Jason looked at his brother.
"I could give you two good reasons, but I will just give you one, the best one. Jeremy." Joshua returned Jason's look.
"What about Jeremy?" Jason asked.
"Jason! You know, what about our baby brother." Joshua whispered. "Jason, Jeremy can't take losing anyone else anytime soon. Sure, he dealt with losing Dad at the ripe old age of nine better than he was able to cope with Mom's death when he was five. I just don't understand how you can even think about it, brother."
"Well, Josh, I don't plan on getting killed in the war. I'll be back." Jason winced at the look Joshua gave him. "I know, that was a stupid thing to say. Nobody going to this war plans to die. All of them plan to come back home unscathed. It doesn't happen that way, does it?"
"No, not for a lot of people. And it leaves so many broken hearts, broken spirits, and broken lives. Jeremy can't have his heart broken like that again, Jason. At least not anytime soon. To tell you the truth, neither can I." Joshua said solemnly.
"I realize that Josh. Losing Mom and Dad hurt me very badly too. But, Josh, I truly want to fight against the evil of slavery. It's wrong on so many levels. I want to help put an end to it, at least in this country." Jason sighed.
"I understand what you mean, Jason. I agree that slavery is evil, and it must be stopped. However, Jason, you are forgetting that Jeremy fights his own personal war everyday against shame and loneliness and ridicule and heartbreak. There are thousands of men helping to fight in the country's war. There are only a handful of people helping our brother fight his war. I realize that lots of children are losing their fathers because of the war and that's heart breaking. Jeremy has already lost both parents. He can't lose you too." Joshua pleaded.
"I'll think about what you said, Joshua. I have to make my decision soon. There is a group leaving from Tacoma next week going back east to sign up." Jason replied.
"Oh, Jason! Stop lying! You have made up your mind. You're not going to think about what I said. You're not even going to think about Jeremy, are you?" Joshua asked angrily.
"Well, Joshua, why can't I do something that I feel passionate about? Jeremy will be fine here with you." Jason stared at his brother.
Joshua got up from his seat at the table. He walked across the room. He turned around and looked at his older brother.
Joshua spoke in a frantic loud whisper, "Jason, are you really this stupid? Don't you realize how much Jeremy depends on you? How much he loves you? You are his anchor, brother. Surely, you understand that!"
"Jeremy would be alright. He would have you and Lottie …...and Big Swede. Jeremy could adjust." Jason replied.
"Adjust? You want Jeremy to adjust? Have you heard one word that I've said? That's what I have been telling you! Jeremy cannot adjust anymore! He has been adjusting since he was five years old!" Joshua shouted.
"What's wrong? Why are you fighting?" Jeremy called from the bedroom.
"Nothing's wrong, Jeremy. I'm sorry that I woke you. Go back to sleep." Joshua said.
"Okay. Good night." Jeremy responded.
"Good night." Jason told him.
Joshua was looking skeptically at Jason. "Well, brother?"
"I think we need to go to bed. Good night." Jason left the table and went into his bedroom.
"Good night." Joshua sighed in disgust. He went to bed too.
While his older brothers were going to bed, Jeremy was crying himself to sleep.
The next morning the three brothers barely spoke. They ate breakfast and washed the dishes.
Jason and Joshua left for work at the logging camp. Jeremy left for school.
At lunchtime, Jason and Joshua joined several of their men at Lottie's.
The group was enjoying their meal along with some lively conversation when Jeremy's teacher, Lucille Smith came in.
Mrs. Smith walked to the Bolts' table. "Hello, everyone. Excuse me for interrupting, but I must speak to you, Jason."
Certainly, Mrs. Smith, let's go to this table where we can speak in private." Jason said. He got up and they went to an empty table a few rows away from the loggers.
Jason pulled out a chair for the teacher. "Thank you, Jason." Mrs. Smith said as she sat down.
Jason sat down and waited for her to speak.
"Jason, I don't want to get Jeremy into trouble. However, I'm concerned because he didn't come to school today. You or Joshua always let me know if he is going to be absent because of an illness. Did you forget to contact me this morning?" She asked.
Jason was stunned. It wasn't like Jeremy to skip school. Where could he be?
"No, Mrs. Smith, we didn't forget to contact you. Jeremy is supposed to be in school today. I'm sorry you had to disrupt your class to come talk to me." Jason answered.
"That's not a problem. I am just concerned about Jeremy. Some of the boys have been teasing him relentlessly about his stuttering. I punish them. I send notes home to their fathers. I have even visited their fathers in an effort to get them to stop their cruelty to Jeremy. Nothing works I'm afraid. Perhaps Jeremy felt that he needed a rest today." Mrs. Smith said kindly.
"Yes, perhaps. But he should have told me and Josh. Don't worry, Mrs. Smith. I'll find him." Jason advised.
"Go easy with him, Jason. Jeremy is a sensitive boy. He deals with more than most boys his age have to cope with." Mrs. Smith cautioned.
"I will be kind. Goodbye, Mrs. Smith." Jason replied.
Mrs. Smith returned to the school. Jason told Joshua privately about Jeremy skipping school. They agreed that Joshua would return to work, and Jason would find Jeremy.
Jason hurried to their cabin to see if his youngest brother was there. Jeremy wasn't at home. Jason went to the lake where Jeremy liked to fish. Jeremy wasn't there.
Jason was deep in thought when he was returning from the lake. He wondered if Jeremy went to their parents' old cabin up the mountain.
Jason rode Big Brownie up to the family cabin. He searched the cabin. There was no sign of Jeremy. Jason thought of one more place to look for his little brother.
Jason rode Big Brownie to the gravesites of their parents. When Jason arrived, he was shocked by what he saw.
Jeremy was digging a big hole next to Dad's grave. He was sweaty and dirty. He looked like he had been digging that hole for hours.
"Hello, Jeremy, what are you doing?" Jason asked calmly.
Jeremy turned around. "I'm digging our graves. Yours and mine." He turned back and started digging again.
Jason got off of Big Brownie. "Jeremy. Look at me, please."
Jeremy kept digging.
"Jeremy, I asked you to look at me. I'm asking again." Jason spoke calmly.
Jeremy continued to dig that big hole.
"Jeremy, I'm going to ask you one more time to look at me." Jason was still calm.
Jeremy kept his back to his brother as he spoke. "What will you do if I don't look at you? Go get yourself killed in the war?! Why the hell do you think I'm digging our graves?!" Jeremy spewed the words.
Jason rushed to his brother. Taking him by the shoulder, he turned Jeremy to face him.
"You heard Josh and me talking last night, didn't you?" He asked.
"Yes, I did!" Jeremy had angry tears streaming down his face. "You w-w-would rather die than l-l-live with me!"
"Jeremy, that's not true and you know it." Jason tried to hug his brother. Jeremy pulled away.
"If it's not true, why are you going to enlist? You don't have too." Jeremy sniffed.
"I want to help bring slavery to an end. Slavery is wrong. It has to be stopped." Jason explained.
"I know that slavery is wrong. Nobody has the right to own anybody. People are human beings they aren't things. There's lots of men fighting in the war. You don't have to go. That's why I think you just want to go to get away from me." The angry tears streamed down the boy's face.
"Jeremy, why would I want to get away from you? You're my brother and I love you. I don't understand why you think I want to get away from you." Jason questioned.
"Why would you risk getting killed unless you hated being here? And I know you don't hate Josh, so it has to be me." Jeremy asked.
"Jeremy, get out of that hole so we can talk easier. Be careful." Jason told him.
Jeremy climbed out of the hole. He and Jason sat down at the base of a nearby pine tree.
Jason drew a deep breath. "You might be a little too young to understand this, Jeremy. Sometimes a person feels so strongly about an issue or a situation that he is willing to leave his family and risk his life even when it isn't required. That doesn't mean that he doesn't love his family or that he wants to get away from them. Does that make sense to you?"
Jeremy studied his brother's face. "Yeah, I guess so. I suppose that's why…"
"Why, what?" Jason was confused.
"Jason, I have an idea! Let's both enlist in the war!" Jeremy exclaimed.
"What! Are you crazy? Jeremy, you are eleven years old! You can't fight in a war!" Jason bellowed.
"Sure, I can. Lots of boys have signed up. Last week, Mrs. Smith was telling us about the first boy to be killed in the war. His name was Charley. He was twelve just a year older than me." Jeremy said.
Jason put his face in his hands. He was quiet for a few minutes as he tried to absorb what he had just heard. His baby brother was talking about going to war. His tender-hearted brother who cried when puppies died and when Christmas was over was talking about going to a place where men were murdered and mutilated every day.
"Jeremy, I can't allow you to do something so dangerous at your age. When you get older if the war is still going on, it will be your decision as to whether or not you join." Jason replied calmly.
"I don't really want to go to the war, Jason. But I'm willing to go if you go." Jeremy looked at his boots.
"Jeremy, if we enlisted together, that doesn't mean we would be together. Most likely we would be in different units in different locations." Jason explained.
"I know. Our being together is not why I wanted to go with you." Jeremy sighed.
"Why would you want to enlist with me if not for us to be together?" The oldest brother inquired.
"So, if you got killed, I would know not to come back either.' Jeremy had tears running down his cheeks.
"You mean you would live somewhere else after you got out and not return to Seattle? What about Josh?" Jason asked quietly.
"That's not what I mean, J-J-Jason." Jeremy looked him in the eye.
"Jeremy, no! You would let yourself be killed?" Jason's voice quivered.
Jeremy flung himself on his brother and cried gut wrenching sobs.
"Yes. I would! I can't lose you, J-J-Jason! I love you! Mama and Dad are gone! If you were gone, it would just be me and Josh! What if something happened to Josh? I would be all alone and I'm just a kid! Someone has to love me! I'm sorry about some people being slaves. That's wrong, but me being all alone in the world would be wrong too." Jeremy cried his heart out.
"D-D-Don't go, J-J-Jason! Stay here and love me and J-J-Josh." The youngest Bolt clung to his brother.
"Jeremy don't worry. I'm going to stay here. I'm sorry, brother. Josh tried to tell me, but I didn't listen. I love you, Jeremy. You and Joshua will always have me." Jason hugged his brother tightly. "Shush, sweet boy, shush."
Jeremy snuggled close to Jason as his tears ended. He shuddered, shivered, and hiccuped.
Jason smiled as he slipped off his coat and wrapped it around his little brother.
"You have a lot going on there, Jeremy." Jason remarked.
"Yeah." Jeremy agreed as he hiccuped again. "Thank you for loving me, Jason."
"You don't have to thank me for loving you, Jeremy. That's part of being a brother. You love me and Josh and you don't expect us to thank you, do you?" He asked.
"No." Jeremy answered. "Please don't tell Josh about me crying so much. He will call me a baby."
"Josh won't call you a baby and I need to tell him you were terribly upset when I apologize for not listening to him. He told me you would be tore up at the idea of me going to the war." Jason explained.
"He was right." Jeremy replied. "Do you think Joshua will be mad at you for not listening to him last night?"
"No, Josh won't be angry, but he is going to say I told you so and he will gloat a little" Jason responded.
"What does gloat mean?" Jeremy questioned.
"Gloat means to be proud in a snarky sort of way when you were right and the other fellow was wrong and you rub the other fellow's nose in it too." The older brother explained.
Jason stood up and helped his little brother stand up.
"Wow! It sounds like you and Josh might have another fight after he gloats at you!" Jeremy exclaimed.
"No, we won't." Joshua said walking up to his brothers.
"I thought you were going back to work, Josh? Is something wrong at the camp?" Jason worried.
"No, nothing is wrong at work. I got worried about you two. I thought I might have to be the mediator." Joshua answered.
"No, Josh. Jason and I are okay. He ain't going." Jeremy spoke.
"Thank God! What changed your mind and what's all this?" Joshua looked at the big hole and at Jeremy's dirty face and clothes.
The three brothers were quiet for a minute. Jason and Joshua fixed their gaze on Jeremy.
"Tell him, Jeremy." Jason advised.
"I was digging our graves, Jason's and mine." Jeremy looked at his boots.
"I understand why you were digging Jason's grave. You were afraid he would be killed in the war. Why were you digging your grave?" Joshua inquired.
Jeremy didn't say anything. He kept staring at his feet.
"Joshua, our brother was going to the war with me and if I didn't make it home, he wasn't going to make it home either." Jason sighed.
"Jeremy! My God!" Joshua exclaimed softly.
Joshua dropped to his knees in front of the youngest Bolt.
"Jeremy, I love you with all my heart. I know I'm not Jason and I understand the special attachment you have to him. You don't have to protest or apologize. It's okay. I know you love me. Jason is the oldest. He is the head of our family. But I want you to know that Heaven forbid something ever happened to him, I would be here for you. I would fight for you and love you everyday of my life." Joshua had tears streaming down his face.
Jeremy was sobbing as he wrapped his arms around Joshua's neck.
"I love you, J-J-Josh! Don't you call me a baby!" Jeremy cried.
Joshua laughed as he squeezed his little brother tightly. "I'm not going to call you a baby. I'm crying too."
Jason was smiling through his tears as he walked over to his siblings.
"Let's go home, brothers!" He told them.
Jason and Joshua picked up Jeremy between them. As they carried him, he said, "I love you, Jason! I love you, Joshua! You are the best brothers in the world!"
The End