JJ crumpled up the empty Cheeto packet and threw it into the tiny bin in the jet's galley. She grabbed a napkin to clean the crumbs from her fingers, glancing around for a second packet of her favourite junk food as she did so. Not finding any, she dumped the balled up napkin into the bin and returned to her seat, ready to relax until they landed.
"Hey, Cheeto Breath," came a voice laced with laughter.
JJ looked up and grinned. Only Emily knew that nickname, and it still made JJ feel less sad at hearing it. The nickname had been her screen name for online Scrabble, and she hadn't ever mentioned it out loud, not wanting anyone to know she was in contact with Emily. Not even Hotch knew she'd stayed in touch after dropping off the passports to Emily in Paris, and she'd wanted it to stay that way. There was no sense in getting into trouble or blowing her friend's one chance of survival.
"Em," JJ stated, her grin still firmly plastered on her face.
"So, I have to ask you something, JJ," said Emily. "Why did you break the rules after leaving me in Paris?"
JJ hesitated. It wasn't that she didn't trust Emily- she did. It was just that she had never admitted the real reason to anyone, except herself, and she didn't know if now was the time to admit it.
"Who says I broke the rules?" JJ responded, trying to dodge the question.
"There is no way the State Department would have been happy for you to keep in touch with someone in Witness Protection."
"They wouldn't, no."
"But you did anyway. Why?" Emily glanced around to make sure nobody was close by. "Don't lie, either. I can see your mind working."
JJ sighed. "Fine." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "I was lonely."
"Lonely?"
"Yes. I'd been kicked to the State Department, despite my protests. I wasn't allowed contact with the team, I can only guess why that was. I love my husband and son, but home was becoming stifling while work was isolating. When Hotch called and asked me to liaise with them to find you, I jumped on the opportunity to be back with my friends. But then Hotch asked me to lie about your death, and I just felt so lonely again. Scrabble with you made me feel like I had a friend again. One I wasn't lying to."
There. It was out. She'd said it aloud. Maybe now she could find a way to deal with it?
"JJ, why didn't you tell Hotch you didn't want to lie?" Emily was asking.
Shaking her head, JJ said, "have you ever tried telling him you don't want to do something? It doesn't end well, Emily."
"I hate that you had to lie. Especially to Reid."
"Not more than I do. I still feel terrible about it, Emily."
"It isn't your fault."
"No? I could have said something, pretended to let it slip when Reid was around. I didn't."
"You couldn't, we both know that."
"There is always a way. There has to be."
Emily reached over and grabbed JJ's hand, squeezing it to get her attention. "Things worked out the way they did because that's how it was meant to work out. It sucks, yes, but there's nothing you can do to change the past. It's time to move forward." Emily glanced around again before producing a travel version of Scrabble. "Besides, Cheeto Breath, I need my Scrabble partner back."