Notes: Yalls response to the last chapter has been so amazing 3
I love this chapter so much, too (I know I keep saying that, but this story is just so dear to me), so I hope you guys have just as much fun with it as you did with chapter 8!
3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter TextHe'd fucked up. He knew he had the second the words left his mouth.
Well, maybe not that specific second, but definitely a few seconds later when he'd seen the utterly heartwrenching expression on Uraraka's face - completely distraught and desperately confused and absolutely shattered - and his brain registered what exactly it was that he'd said.
Okay, maybe not exactly that second either, but definitely on his lonely walk from the school gates back to the dorm building - when he had time to cool down and actually think. (So his brain got a little scrambled when he was in the process of blowing up - sue him.)
That's when Katsuki really knew he'd fucked up bad.
Sure, about a year ago if you'd asked Katsuki his opinion of Midoria Izuku he'd have told you straight without any hesitation that Deku was a quirkless loser. A complete extra. A worthless bug he could smash.
But even back then he knew, deep down, that Izuku was more than that. And now? Hadn't he made it a point to admit that none of his previous harsh thoughts about his rival were true? He'd acknowledged that Izuku was strong in so many ways, even without One for All. He'd admitted that Izuku had skills he himself could only hope to have. He'd helped him train his new quirk, worked together with him at Endeavor's agency, and even fought alongside him during the war. Katsuki had confirmed to everyone else - and, most importantly, to himself - that Deku was far from worthless. Hell, he'd even fucking apologized to the guy in front of everyone for everything he had done since they were children. That took nerve - and a special kind of stupid, if he was being honest with himself.
And sure, he wouldn't go so far to say that they had a normal relationship, and they probably never would, but Uraraka wasn't lying when she said that he and Izuku were… friends. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, even though he'd never vocalize it, Izuku knew him. And he knew that nerd better than anyone - even better than Izuku knew himself it would seem. So Katsuki knew that it was a lie when he'd told Uraraka that they weren't friends, at least in their own perverse way.
Deku was his rival; that was clear to anyone who spent even 30 seconds around them. But Izuku was his friend. And Katsuki had put his unfair hatred of Deku - his hatred of his own faults and Izuku's strengths - behind him.
At least, he'd thought he had.
So why were Uraraka's words like One for All branded bullets directly to his heart? What had set him off? He was so angry without any good reason. He hadn't meant to yell, he hadn't meant to say any of those mean and untrue things. Of course he was excited for all the Dynamight merch that would eventually be produced, and he knew Deku's merch would be just as popular - the kid was charismatic to a fault whenever he'd pull his head out of his own ass for long enough to stop being shy as fuck. He definitely made a much better All Might Jr. than Katsuki ever would have. That spunky brat from the training camp already idolized him, and the Eri girl Aizawa was looking after practically worshiped the ground he walked on - not that Katsuki was jealous or anything, kids usually latched onto the first b-rate hero they saw on a TV commercial, so it was to be expected. Though he had to admit, no matter how much it pained past Katsuki to say, these two kids couldn't have picked a better role model.
Deku was a hero, through and through.
But Uraraka talking about Deku so excitedly, using annoying, nerdy, overanalyzing Deku as an example after she'd just spent the whole day with him, caused Karsuki to - almost literally - explode.
And of course he definitely had not meant to say any of that shit afterwards. Where the fuck had all of that even come from?!
Her wide array of mochi expressions was one of his favorite things about her, but that was one face Katsuki hoped he'd never have to see again.
So, yeah. He'd fucked up. And he needed help.
As he reached his room, clarity dawned upon him. With a rough sigh, he realized that if he wasn't fucking clear Uraraka would stupidly assume he was mad at her or some shit, which was completely the opposite of what he was feeling right now.
He leaned against his door and pulled out his phone, typing up a completely normal and friendly text message.
Katsuki 20:44 [unsent]
Don't stupidly assume I'm mad at you or some shit
No. She wasn't stupid. This was his own fault; of course she would assume he was mad at her. Even he wasn't socially stunted enough to think she would be fine after that mess. He'd assume he was mad at himself, too, if he was on the receiving end of that emotionally constipated disaster - not that it was hard to get him mad, but that was beside the point he was trying to make here.
He erased the message and tried again.
Katsuki 20:46 [unsent]
If you pussy out and skip training tomorrow I'll…
He'll... what? Stop training with her? That was the last thing he wanted; he was literally trying to prevent her from cancelling training. If she skipped out he would just be more upset.
He deleted that message too.
Texting was so fucking hard, dammit! He was forced to actually think about what he was saying before it erupted out of him and that made things so much more difficult. This was why he didn't fucking like messaging people.
He typed up a third text and stared at it for what felt like 3 hours but was probably only 3 minutes before finally deciding it also sucked. His finger was literally millimeters from the backspace key so he could start fresh with a fourth message when the elevator bell dinged and the exact person he was waiting for stepped out.
"Oh, Bakugou, hey. I wasn't expecting you to still be awake-"
"Oi, I need to talk to you." His shit message would have to do, so he sent it before he lost his chance and shoved his bedroom door open, indicating for Kirishima to enter.
His friend briefly looked confused but did as Katsuki was expecting and walked into the room without question. "Yeah man, sure. What's up?" Kirishima asked as Katsuki followed him, closing the door behind them.
"I fucked up," Katsuki said, flopping backward onto his bed as Kirishima took a seat in his desk chair.
"Okay, well it's definitely worrying that you would admit that you messed up at something," Kirishima joked. Katsuki shot him a glare and a gesture that was much too rude for someone you were asking for help from, but fortunately Kirishima was so unphased by Katsuki's attitude by this point in their friendship that he ignored it easily. "But whatever it is, it's probably not as bad as you're thinking."
"It's your fuckin' fault for making me talk about all that dumb shit last night and getting in my fuckin' head and then making me invite her today, so you're gunna help me fix shit."
Kirishima nodded. "So it is about Uraraka then. Things seemed like they were going so well today, though."
"Yeah, well, as we've already established, I can't fuckin' control my stupid mouth around her."
"What happened? I'm assuming it was after we all split up."
Katsuki didn't answer at first. Why was this shit so hard? Why was his brain wired so differently from everyone else's that he couldn't just figure this out and… and be fucking normal? He used to think everyone else was a weirdo and all the extras just needed to get with the program, but recently it was becoming more and more obvious to him that his problem dealing with others was actually just… him. No one understood him and that pissed him off because apparently he didn't understand himself either.
Though, that wasn't completely true. Katsuki had stubbornly gone out of his way to shove away the one person who did understand him, and he'd paid for it.
Thankfully, Kirishima was also pretty stubborn when he wanted to be and, though Katsuki hadn't made things easy, he would always appreciate the effort Kirishima had gone through to break down some of those communication barriers Katsuki had worked so hard to put up.
"I yelled at her," he finally grumbled, looking pointedly 10 centimeters above Kirishima's face. "I wasn't tryin' to, but I got pissed and said some stupid fuckin' shit that I didn't really mean. And now she's probably pissed at me."
Kirishima nodded again. "What did you say? I'd say that it couldn't have been that bad but we are talking about you so now I'm a bit worried."
Katsuki scoffed and turned away, crossing his arms, and didn't say anything. The increasingly familiar prickle of Uraraka-specific embarrassment ran up the back of his neck and he was sure if it were any of the other idiots in his friend group they would jump on the opportunity to humiliate him. He was silently very thankful for Kirishima.
"I could help you better if you told me what stupid shit you said," Kirishima prodded again after almost a minute of silence.
Katsuki groaned. "Not a word of this to anyone do you understand me? If any of those other fuckers hear about this you are dead Shitty Hair."
"Of course, bro. Spreading personal secrets shared between bros is not manly at all. On my honor as a man and a hero, my lips are sealed." Kirishima mimed zipping his lips and crossing his heart before adding, "I just want to help."
Katsuki sighed, running his hand down his face. The sigh turned into another groan as he remembered the events of the past hour and eventually morphed into a growl as he pulled at his naturally explosive hair, messing it up even worse than usual. "Shit was fuckin' fine until she started talking about that shitty nerd and I just lost my fuckin' cool and exploded! I yelled at her for no reason and then told her to fall for me instead of him!"
He refused to look at Kirishima but Katsuki knew his jaw was probably on the floor based on his lack of meaningful response. "Wow."
"Who pulls a shitty fuckin' move like that?! God, I'm a fuckin' asshole - I know I am, I'm not stupid - but what the fuck is wrong with me?! None of this would have happened before!" Katsuki was glad that both of the rooms next to his were currently empty because he knew he was yelling and he didn't need anyone else overhearing this conversation; it was already bad enough that two people had to hear him say those idiotic words out loud. "She literally looked destroyed, Kirishima! Uraraka! The girl who could probably get punched straight in the face by a villain and would still smile and apologize for beatin' their ass afterward. And then - then, she fuckin' asked me if I liked her and I said no!"
"So you do like her then." It wasn't a question.
"No! I don't know! Maybe? No!" She had looked so sad when she'd asked him - as if it was physically painful. She was just trying to be his friend and he had fucking twisted his own feelings so much that he wasn't even sure what to think anymore, and now she'd gotten caught in the crossfire. The desire to explode something radiated down his arms and into his sweaty palms, and it was a solid minute before he realized they were smoking. He took a deep breath and forced his anger down, because he actually liked his room and his bed and really didn't need his mother breathing down his neck about having to pay the school for repairs. "I don't even know what that means, Kirishima," he said after his breathing returned to a somewhat normal pace. "I didn't think I would have to worry about shit like this till I was already a pro. I don't know how to like someone."
"Okay well let's start from the beginning," Kirishima said. "You being an irrationally angry jerk when it comes to Midoriya isn't anything new, so I'm sure Uraraka's already realized you were just having a Baku-moment."
"Yeah, but most of that was just me bein' an asshole because I was…" Katsuki trailed off, his thoughts suddenly moving in a thousand different directions. "What the fuck bullshit did you just say to me?"
"Baku-moment? That's what Kaminari and I call it when you get all… you about something and probably just need a minute to calm down," Kirishima said, shrugging.
Katsuki clenched his jaw again, rage coursing through his veins, but ultimately decided he'd beat up his two idiot friends later, because now just wasn't the time. He sat on the bed and cleared his throat so he could go back to the topic he genuinely needed to talk about before he lost his mind.
And wait, when the hell had he even gotten up and started pacing? Whatever, it didn't matter.
He started again. "I haven't felt that angry about Deku in a long time. And I never used to care that they're basically joined at the hip; the nerd duo, King and Queen of the damn nerd brigade. But still, she's always hangin' out with him and talkin' to him and laughin' at the stupid nonsense he spews about heros like a fuckin' creepy stalker. It's obvious she fuckin'... Has feelings for him or whatever. I'm not blind like everyone thinks I am. It just never bothered me before. It still doesn't. It shouldn't. But now when she talks to him or walks to class with him or sits with him at lunch or even just talks about him I get so…" he trailed off again, unable to communicate his complicated feelings. What did he get?
"Jealous?" Kirishima supplied.
Bingo.
But being defiant was so ingrained at this point that before he could think twice Katsuki heard himself say, "Fuck no. It just pisses me the fuck off."
Kirishima rolled his eyes. "You're going to have to be honest with yourself eventually, man."
"Whatever, Hair-for-Brains."
"So you don't wanna admit you like her - okay fine, fine, you don't know if you like her," Kirishima amended after Katsuki shot him a particularly fierce glare. "But there's still one more question. Do you actually want her to like you?"
Katsuki suddenly felt like a deer caught in headlights. He hadn't thought about that. Literally, until the words came out of his own mouth - and even afterward, apparently - he had not once considered the possibility that Uraraka could like him. "She likes Deku," was all he managed to say in response.
"Are you sure about that?" asked Kirishima. "They could easily just be close friends. I don't think either of them has ever made a move before. But either way, that's not the question. It's not if she likes you but if you want her to. That is what you told her, isn't it? To fall for you?"
Katsuki groaned again, positive his face was going to match Kirishima's hair soon if he wasn't careful. "I don't know why I fuckin' said that stupid shit."
Kirishima didn't respond and instead only gave Katsuki a look that said 'be honest, because I can see right through your bullshit'.
Katsuki was being honest. At least, he thought he was. He really hadn't ever thought about things like this before, so he didn't have anything that felt like a better answer to Kirishima's question.
He huffed, trying to fight back his own frustration. "I don't know, okay?!"
"Do you want her to not like you?"
"Hah?! No, that's stupid."
"So you at least want her to like you as a friend, then." Kirishima was grinning again.
Katsuki leaned his elbows on his knees in order to rest his chin in his hands, looking away so he didn't have to see Kirishima's bright eyes stare him down excitedly. "Obviously," he grumbled into his palms.
"Do you want to be with her?"
"Hah?!"
"Not like, be with her like in a relationship. But do you like hanging out with her? Spending time together? Being together with her?"
Katsuki frowned. "Yeah, I wouldn't waste so much fuckin' time with her if I didn't want to. Wouldn't have let you force me into draggin' her ass out with us today if I didn't want her to go."
Kirishima nodded. "Do you want to be closer to her?"
"Like, friends? I thought we already were friends. She keeps fuckin' saying we are."
"Well, that, but I meant physically closer. Like, do you want to touch her?"
Katsuki felt his face heat up even more than it had this entire conversation, if that was even possible. "Don't say gross shit! If I wanted perv advice I woulda asked Dunce Face!"
Kirishima's eyes widened. "No, man, I didn't mean like that! That's not manly! And I know you aren't like that. I meant, like, do you wanna hold her hand or hug her or something?"
Katsuki didn't hate touching people, but if it wasn't absolutely necessary he would usually avoid it if he could. It had always been like that - probably because his mom was always getting handsy and ruffling his hair and hugging him and shit. But for some reason he never had a problem being physically close to Uraraka while they were training. Or when they were just hanging out, if today was any indication.
He thought back to the past few times when he'd offered his hand to her so she could activate her quirk on him, realizing that he had been the one to initiate that. They hadn't exactly 'held hands', but her touch was so gentle. Her hands looked nice and he probably wouldn't be against holding them if she wanted him to. And he guessed he wouldn't completely mind hugging if it was with her - just for a second or two. Maybe a little longer if she didn't try to pull away. Because she was small and soft and mochi-like but could still kick ass when she wanted to. And she would probably be nice to hug. Maybe.
Katsuki bet that if he tried he could probably rest his chin on her head without much effort, which would actually be kinda funny. She'd definitely get mad, too, which would be even funnier.
He didn't vocalize any of this to Kirishima who was looking at him thoughtfully. Katsuki was about to open his mouth to say… something (he honestly wasn't sure what) when the other boy's expression suddenly turned devilish, only accentuated by his stupid gelled-up hair-horns and pointy shark teeth. "Do you wanna kiss her?"
Katsuki finally responded before he could stop himself, more out of embarrassment than actual truth; "Fuck no, Shitty Hair! Fuck off!"
If he'd taken even a second to think about it instead of focusing on not turning his bedspread to ash, maybe Katsuki would have actually realized he didn't know the honest answer to that question. He'd never thought about kissing anyone before. It's not like it disgusted him, he just never really understood the appeal. However, the idea of kissing Uraraka made him feel nervous and scared and excited and about thirty other emotions he'd never experienced before all at once, and he would rather just not think about it until he actually understood whatever the fuck was going on. He needed to figure out the basic shit first.
Kirishima sighed as he stood up, stretching his back as if he was an old man who'd just gotten out of his recliner for the first time all day. "Well, I don't know if I can help you any more until you think about this more yourself. I can only tell you what I think, which is that you like Uraraka even if you don't want to admit it for whatever reason. But I can't make any decisions for you or tell you how to feel, you have to do that part on your own. I just want you to be honest with yourself. And you should probably apologize to her for being an asshole - that's always a good start."
Katsuki scoffed, crossing his arms as he leaned back against the wall. "Whatever."
"And just so you know," Kirishima added as he reached the door, "most people don't figure this stuff out right away, either. It took me a while to realize that my feelings for Mina had changed from admiration to, well, feelings. And even then I didn't get the courage to say anything until Kaminari all but outed me. But one day you'll just… know. I think when I finally realized I liked her we were all just sitting there doing homework while you were yelling at us for being slackers, and she just looked at me and made a silly face and I knew. But I had probably liked her for a lot longer than that. You'll figure it out."
"What about the other stuff?" Katsuki asked quietly, sounding more like a nervous loser than he'd hoped he would. "The… touching." He grimaced, feeling stupid even just having said it out loud.
"Well that too. You will know if and when you want to move to the next step. When it feels right then just go for it, as long as you think she wants that too."
"Tch." Bakugou looked away, just as embarrassed as he'd been when talking to Uraraka and feeling no more confident in his own confusing feelings. "How will I know if she wants that?"
Kirishima scratched the back of his head, a slightly giddy smile taking over his face. "Actually, I don't know. Mina initiated everything with me, so I didn't even have to think about it. But Uraraka isn't especially shy or anything, and she's just about as bad at hiding her emotions as you are, so I'm sure you'll figure it out, Great Explosion Murder God," he teased. "For now just try and act normal. We all know how dramatic you can be, so if you just apologize I'm sure things will be fine. Keep spending more time with her, it will make things more clear to you. And we both know you want to anyway."
"Whatever, Shitty Hair. Get out of my room." Katsuki paused as Kirishima laughed and opened the door to leave. "Thanks."
"You're welcome. Goodnight, man."
"Night."
It took Katsuki a while to fall asleep, but when he finally did he was once again floating amongst the pink clouds created by his dream-quirk. He'd had this dream a few times now, but it seemed like this world had gotten a lot more vivid since his zero-gravity training with Uraraka had started. His body drifted along, his mind empty of everything that was troubling him. After everything that had happened and the whirlwind of emotions he'd experienced since Uraraka had sprinted to the PE grounds and thrusted a gift bag into his hands, it was nice to finally feel so calm.
He really liked this world. There was no stress, no fear, no real-world problems - nothing but peace and pink, a color that he was growing to like more and more recently. He'd never tell anyone about this place, though; not so much for fear of ruining his reputation, because he could genuinely give a fuck what any extras thought of his subconscious dreams, but because this place was for him and him alone.
A few more pink explosion-clouds poofed from his hands, shooting off aimlessly into the bright sky, when something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned but there was nothing there, just more clouds stretching on as far as he could see. He could have sworn he saw something in the distance, but maybe his tired eyes were just mistaken.
Brushing it off as a trick of the light or the shadow of a cloud, he shook the thought from his mind and returned to his blissful cotton candy adventure.
But then he saw it again.
And again.
And again.
Every time he would see this… thing out of the corner of his eye he would try to get a better look, but the second he would turn in its direction it would disappear. It was starting to piss him the fuck off.
A part of him wanted to yell out but he didn't want to disrupt the quiet atmosphere around him.
He tried closing his eyes, hoping that the mysterious thing would just leave him alone. He'd blast it to shreds if he had to, but the idea of doing so almost made him feel sick for some reason he couldn't comprehend. The second his eyes closed he felt a tingly, suspicious chill run down the back of his spine - almost like he was being watched. He slowly reopened his eyes, careful not to turn or make any sharp movements.
It was there again, just out of view. A shadow, tainting the pastel world his mind had created.
He wanted to get a better look but knew that would just cause whatever it was to vanish again, so he slowly shifted just his eyes in its direction, doing everything in his power not to move a single muscle.
It was still difficult to make out, but he could swear it was a figure, human-like, floating along in the distance just like him.
Shocked, he turned towards the shadow without thinking and it disappeared again.
"Fuckin' come back here, dammit!" So much for not disturbing the peace.
He started air-swimming in its direction, just like he'd tried to do when he was practicing using Uraraka's quirk.
Huh. Uraraka. He was supposed to be thinking about her, wasn't he. Why was that again?
He swam- okay, he awkwardly flailed through one of the larger pink clouds in the direction he thought the figure had been when a sudden shrill beeping erupted through the air. His hands immediately clamped over his ears as he cursed and whirled around in every direction, looking for the source of the sound or the figure or anything other than pink.
*beep beep beep*
He couldn't see anything. It was just him, clouds, and the sky - nothing else in any direction. The figure was gone.
*beep beep beep*
The clouds faded away, swirling into oblivion as the sky grew dark and ominous - even more sinister than the seconds before a thunderstorm.
*beep beep beep*
He was suddenly free-falling, grasping for a hand or foothold that wasn't there. His mouth opened to scream but no sound came out. All he could hear was…
*beep beep be-
Katsuki slammed his hand over his phone, silencing his stupid alarm. It had been going off for a full minute before he'd woken up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily as if he'd just run a double marathon.
What the fuck was that about?
He didn't have time to worry about it now; dreams were mostly stupid and meaningless anyway. Though, the pink cloud dream was usually something that left him feeling well-rested, not anxious and stressed as fuck.
And the absolute last thing he wanted to do right now was go see the aftermath of whatever he had caused last night, but he had told Uraraka not to be late so he damn well wouldn't be either.
Plus, he didn't want to miss any training with her.
This was so fucking stupid.
'Just act normal,' Kirishima had said. Whatever the fuck that meant.
Uraraka was already there when Katsuki got to the P.E. grounds, just like he'd hoped she would be. That meant things were fine, right? That he had worried for nothing?
He told her good morning and she responded, but it seemed much less enthusiastic than usual. More formal. She smiled and it didn't seem to reach her eyes, but she turned away to stretch so quickly he wasn't sure if he'd just misinterpreted her expression. She was there and she was acting as if nothing had happened, so he was probably just imagining things. Hopefully.
They raced and sparred just like usual. Things seemed… mostly normal. Maybe Kirishima was right.
But he could just tell there was something off about her. He knew her too well. It was like she was holding back.
Not holding back in their training; holding back from him.
If they didn't need to be touching she would make it a point to stand slightly further away from him than usual. She wasn't talking much at all, only responding when he would initiate. That was usually how he operated, not her.
She even refused to look at him for longer than absolutely necessary. They made eye contact only once when taking a water break and she nearly choked and immediately turned around, her face bright red. She'd insisted she was fine and just swallowed down the wrong pipe, but it felt forced to him. It all did.
It was annoying but he couldn't exactly blame her for acting weird around him when he had been the one to make her feel like she had to in the first place. For now he would just keep doing what Kirishima had suggested. And, he'd have to try to figure out how he was supposed to apologize without making things even more awkward.
That is, if she'd even give him the chance. Every time he'd try and strike up a conversation during their water breaks she'd end it almost instantly, just responding with one-word answers or very clipped sentences - totally opposite from her normal long-winded rambles about any random nonsense that popped into her head.
Katsuki had never thought he could miss someone talking so much.
She still made time for him to train his stability in zero gravity, though he was very aware of the fact that she reached out to activate her quirk on his arm before he could even offer her his hand, and immediately pulled her arm away as quickly as she could. Almost like touching him had burned her, though she did her best to pretend it hadn't. He found he was weirdly too upset about that, probably thanks to Kirishima's damn questioning from the night before.
He thought he could see her watching him just out of view as he floated, but she would always look away before he could be sure.
When he asked she released him right away and went to gather her things.
"I, uh, forgot that I have to finish some homework before class so I'm going to go on ahead," she said, pressing her two forefingers together. She still wasn't looking at him. "I'll, um, see you later?" She did some weird sort of half-wave, like she couldn't decide if she wanted to actually wave or not, and ran back to the dorm building so fast that she nearly tripped over her own feet. Twice.
It was obvious that she was lying but she hadn't even given him a chance to respond. Not that he would have stopped her; she clearly wanted to get away from him so badly that she would go so far as to make up an excuse just to run.
He felt an annoying pang of disappointment in his chest and sighed as he gathered his things. She was probably going to keep being fucking weird around him for a while, especially outside of training, so he'd just have to figure out what to do about apologizing later on.
Normally he wouldn't care; he was used to people avoiding him or ignoring him. He actually preferred it that way most of the time.
But with her? He was more upset than he ever would have imagined, and it was fucking stupid. This was why he wanted to avoid feelings and everything that went along with it. He didn't want to think about bullshit like this.
He didn't want to think about her.
But that's exactly what he did the entire day.
And the day after that.
And the rest of the week too.
Things were the same every day, if not progressively worse as the week went on. Training was mostly normal but everything else was awkward. If they made eye contact she would pretend to be looking at anything else. If they touched outside of training for any reason she would stiffen and move away as fast as possible. She would always run back to the dorms without waiting for him after he was finished floating, completely abandoning the question game she had created. She would completely avoid looking at him at lunch or in class. If they passed each other in the dorms she would just turn around without even making excuses anymore. Every interaction they had was strained and uncomfortable, and he fucking hated it.
Her face was always red and her expressions always forced, as if she was furious with him and was just trying her best to pretend she was fine and stop herself from letting him have it. He sort of wished she would already, just to get it over with. He'd rather her yell or absolutely wail on him than… whatever this was. At least yelling and punching were things he could understand.
But no matter what she did - or didn't do - he couldn't get his mind off of her. Where was she? What was she doing now? Was she happy? Did she need help with her math homework again? Was she eating too much dessert? Was she still coming to training? Would she finally decide she'd had enough of helping him and stop letting him use her quirk?
Was their friendship over?
It was agonizing.
He missed her.
He really fucking missed her.
He missed her overly excited good morning greetings. He missed her laughing at his grumpy demeanor and angry outbursts. He missed her wide array of silly mochi expressions and her adorable cheeks. He missed her yelling back at him when he was being unreasonable and standing her ground against him. He missed walking back to the dorms with her after training or class.
He missed their stupid fucking question game.
He just missed being with her.
He hadn't realized how big of an effect she had on him until she wasn't around. It felt like he was being rejected and abandoned.
It was terrible.
And the worst of it all were the dreams.
It had been the same every night - the pink fluffy cloud explosions, the mysterious figure that would disappear whenever he tried to get a good look, and ultimately free falling through an endless sky until he woke up panicking and drenched in his own sweat. The dream that had once been so peaceful grew progressively less so, and it was getting to the point that he was dreading going to sleep at all knowing that it would come. He was staying up much later than normal, anxiety taking over, and it felt like months since he'd had a restful night.
Katsuki had suspected these dreams were connected to Uraraka since his first zero-gravity training, but he didn't know for sure. However, the only other nightmares he'd had in the past year were very clearly related to All Might's retirement and his and Deku's fight against Shigaraki, which these were definitely not about, so the evidence only pointed to his suspicions being correct.
He had to fix things with her.
The problem was he had no idea how to do that. He wasn't good at this shit, even with Kirishima's help.
But he was sick of her literally avoiding him. It wasn't like her; normally if she was mad at him she would let him know. And he was done acting like this bullshit was normal.
Friday afternoon, just like they had every Friday so far that term, class 2-A had quirk training. Katsuki spent any free second he had watching Uraraka. She avoided looking at him the entire class, but he knew that she knew he was watching.
She was so good at handling her quirk now; he knew she had good control of it even back in the beginning of their first year, but after a year's worth of training she had really improved to the point that even he was impressed. He'd been watching with the intention of trying to observe how she was able to retain control of her body without stupid gravity (which he was, much to his own irritation, still struggling with), but he found himself spending most of the time thinking about ways that he could help her to improve. He had become so invested in their training together that he'd completely forgotten that he wasn't supposed to be doing this to help her in the first place.
When the fuck had that happened?
Did it matter?
He realized he didn't care anymore - he just knew that if they could be better by working together then he was going to make that happen. Sure, she could probably train and get better with just about anyone strong, and she might not need him for help.
But he sure as hell needed her.
He was sick of being avoided and needed it to be over. Whether that meant they would go back to how things were or they would never speak again he didn't know. He just knew that he couldn't keep doing this forever. He was going to end it today, one way or another.
And, watching her train for the rest of class couldn't hurt.
Just for fucking research purposes. Not for any other stupid reason.
Katsuki waited for Uraraka after class, which was weird because he'd never waited for anyone before. She took longer than he'd expected, probably no longer in the habit of changing quickly since her bruises had all but faded. Or, because she was trying to avoid catching up to him on the way back to the dorms. Most likely the second one.
She was talking to Frog as they left the locker room and didn't notice him waiting, her head turned away from him. It was annoying she wasn't alone, but he honestly didn't give a shit what the others thought or what she might have told them. It was now or never.
"Hey."
Uraraka turned around abruptly, shock and alarm evident on her face.
Fucking smooth, Katsuki. She has a fucking name, you know?
Her expression looked terrified for the briefest second before her forced happiness and bright red cheeks were back in full force. "Oh, uh, hi Bakugou. Were you waiting for someone?" He could tell she was uncomfortable. Frog probably could, too. Dammit.
"Yeah. You, Uraraka." Her mouth hung open slightly and he thought her cheeks darkened even more than before but it was hard to tell. This could be going better, but at least she hadn't run away immediately this time. "We gotta talk."
She looked between him and Frog a few times before her friend said, "I guess I'll head back without you then, ribbit?"
He was sure he'd fucked things up again until Uraraka's expression grew more determined and she nodded. "Yeah, sorry Tsu. Can we work on Present Mic's assignment after dinner?"
"Okay, just text me when you're free, Ochako. Bye, Bakugou."
"Hn," he grunted at her as she waved and walked on ahead.
They stood there for another minute or two, silently. He wasn't sure what to say next, and he suspected the same was true for her based on her nervously confused expression and the fact that she still refused to look at him. Unsure what to do with his hands, he shoved them in his pockets out of habit.
Shoji and Tokoyami exited the locker room, looking towards the two of them curiously. Uraraka waved, then turned back towards Katsuki, her cheeks flushed even darker than they had been just a second before. "Uh, do you want to maybe go somewhere else?" she asked, scratching the back of her head.
It was a good idea, he thought. This was awkward enough as it was - he didn't need any extras listening in. "Yeah." He turned and started walking around the side of the building, Uraraka trailing after him. It had been a while since she'd walked behind him instead of next to him. He found it a lot more uncomfortable than he remembered.
They reached a little sitting area that was out of the way; a few benches and trees lined the path, but no one else was around. He stopped, not really sure where else to go, and turned towards her.
With an awkward shuffle she set down her bag, still refusing to make eye contact with him like she had all week. "So, you wanted to talk to me?"
Katsuki was determined to do this. Nothing could stop him - not anymore. But why did it have to be so fucking difficult? What the hell was he even supposed to say?
'I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, and Kirishima is convinced I like you and I'm not sure what that means so I don't think I do but I might, but regardless I just know that I can't stand being without you so let's keep training?'
Fuck no. All the conversations he'd rehearsed in his head seemed so easy before, but now his mind was blank.
He took a deep breath.
He could do this. For her.
"What I said the other night. About Deku... And everything else. You can forget about it." Straight to the point, like always. Well, that was one way to do it; just rip off the bandaid, right? "I was angry for a different reason and took it out on you. I didn't mean what I said. I'm… sorry I made you feel uncomfortable or whatever." Smooth as fuck, dumbass. "I don't want us to stop being... friends." Cool. Really natural. Totally not strained and awkward as fuck, he thought to himself.
The familiar feeling of embarrassing heat crept up the back of his neck and into the tips of his ears, causing him to furrow his brow instinctually because he was cursed with permanent angry bitch face.
It was completely silent for a whole entire minute. Neither of them said anything; Uraraka barely even blinked, she was so still.
He was dying, he fucking knew he was. She just stared at him, her expression unreadable as her wide eyes finally met his for the first time since his birthday.
This was exactly why he usually never opened his mouth. The only people who normally understood him were Kirishima and Izuku, for whatever dumb reason; communication was just not his thing. He had started to think that Uraraka was one of those people who understood him too, but maybe he had been wrong.
He wanted to just turn back around and leave, abandon this whole fucking idea, but his traitor mouth had other plans. "You're slacking off on our question game and I don't fuckin' appreciate that shit."
Another beat of silence passed and he thought it was over; their friendship, their training… everything. Why did he always have to make some shitty comment and ruin every single moment?!
But then, just as he was about to cut his losses and head back to the dorms alone, Uraraka suddenly burst out laughing, her hands trying and failing to stifle her giggles.
He knew his entire face was bright red and he couldn't help himself from yelling, "What the hell, Uraraka?! Don't fuckin' laugh at me when I'm tryna fuckin' apologize to you!"
This only made her laugh harder as she clutched her stomach and had to crouch down to prevent herself from falling over. "S-sorry," she managed to get out between fits of laughter. "You're always just so 'Bakugou' about things, I can't help it."
Despite his embarrassment and his confusion, this was the most normal she had seemed all week, and his heart couldn't help but float happily in his chest. This wasn't fake, it wasn't forced. It was just… her. She was laughing and she was happy and she was just normal, silly Uraraka again. It was the best sight he'd seen in days, and her joy was literally music to his ears.
It didn't look like she was anywhere close to calming down so he joined her, crouching down and burying his still blushing face in his arms so she wouldn't see. "I don't know what that means. It's just a fuckin' name. There're other Bakugous."
A minute passed before she was no longer laughing uncontrollably, having finally calmed down somewhat, though she was still giggling quietly to herself. "Yeah, but you're unique," she said, her voice calm and genuine. He felt four of her finger pads make gentle contact with the back of his hand and he reflexively tensed before he allowed himself to relax into her touch. "I'm glad you're the Bakugou that's my friend."
He groaned. "How can you just say corny bullshit like that so easily? I've been tryna apologize to you for five fuckin' days and it's been so damn hard!"
She removed her hand and he missed her warmth, his own hand suddenly colder than before. "Because it's how I feel, so why shouldn't I say it out loud? Usually all that 'corny stuff' makes others happy, and I like making others happy. That's why I'm becoming a hero, remember?"
"Tch," was the only response he could muster. He lifted his head to see she was smiling gently at him.
They just looked at each other for another minute or so, her eyes searching his, before her expression fell again. "Thank you for apologizing, Bakugou, it really means a lot. I'm sorry I've been acting so weird the past few days. I got in my own head and then wasn't sure how to go back to acting normal, and I just ended up spiraling."
He scoffed, reaching out his hand to lightly thump her forehead with the heel of his palm. She scrunched her nose and crossed her eyes, staring at his wrist, and his heart clenched at how adorable this girl really was. How had he managed to survive almost 5 whole days without her? He let his fingers fall against her hair and tilted her head back so she was looking directly at him again, and her mouth fell open in a little 'o' as she blinked. "Don't fuckin' apologize when you did nothin' wrong. How many times do I gotta say it?"
"But I should have just talked to you instead of avoiding you-"
"Enough with that shit, Uraraka!" He ruffled his fingers through her hair, messing it up significantly. He wasn't sure why he did it, he just knew he wanted to, so he did. Her hair was as soft as he'd imagined it would be, and he made a mental note to mess with it as much as she'd let him.
Katsuki's hands were his most dangerous weapon; anyone who was aware of his quirk could tell you that. But he knew that at that moment he wouldn't have been able to set off an explosion if his own life depended on it.
She laughed again, her cheeks definitely brighter pink than normal and her expression no longer forced or fake in any way. "You haven't called me by a nickname even once today, are you sure you're really Bakugou?"
He ruffled her hair again, a little more forcefully this time, causing her to let out a shriek. With a gentle huff he removed his hand and stood back up, shoving his fists in his pockets. "Yeah, yeah, Cheeks, don't get fuckin' used to it." His own cheeks radiated heat again, too, and he rolled his eyes in mock irritation, but he knew he was grinning despite himself.
She stood up after him, awkwardly smoothing out her skirt and fidgeting with the hem. "You said you missed me, too," she said, quietly.
"When? I didn't say that shit."
"You implied it. Even if you won't admit it, I know the truth," she grinned, her eyes sparkling. "But you did finally say that we're friends!"
She was teasing him, he knew she was, but he couldn't find it in himself to be annoyed. Not now, when he was the happiest he'd been since Sunday. "I would never admit to that, quit fuckin' lying. Get your damn hearing checked."
"Bakugou!" she yelled, shoving her hands on her hips in an overly dramatic stance.
"Cheeks!" he mimicked in a high-pitched voice which sounded far more annoying than hers ever could.
She furrowed her brow, her lower lip jutting out in an over-exaggerated pout. It was the best face he'd seen her make all week, and he was laughing before he could stop himself.
Kirishima's advice sprang to the forefront of his mind and he realized that his friend was right; he wanted to spend as much time with this girl as possible. He wanted to be there for her and do things for her and treat her like she was special. He didn't really know what that meant yet, he just knew that he wanted to.
What would Kirishima do in this situation? Probably 'something manly,' whatever the fuck that meant.
Katsuki glanced around and realized Uraraka hadn't picked up her bag yet, so before he could second guess himself he grabbed both of their bags off the floor and started off in the direction of Heights Alliance. She ran up to match his pace and reached for her belongings.
"I can carry my own bag, you know."
He ignored her. "I had an idea about how you can improve your speed, but it requires use of your quirk and potentially some extra gear."
"Okay, well, what were you thinking?"
He explained his idea to her as they made their way back to the dorms, talking like normal as if the past week was already just a distant memory.
He couldn't help but notice that the world felt a little bit lighter than before.
Almost as if he was floating.
Even though it was barely 5:00pm when Katsuki got back to his dorm, and he hadn't eaten dinner, gone to the gym, or completed any homework assigned that day, his lack of sleep from the past week had finally caught up with him. He was in a much better mood and more relaxed than he had been in days, so he was asleep before his head even hit the pillow.
It wasn't long until he was floating again, pink clouds surrounding him in every direction. He began to feel the now familiar twinge of anxiety that had developed along with this dream. Fuck. Today had been so good! He'd fucking fixed things! Why was this still happening?!
The figure appeared in his peripheral vision and he wanted to yell out and tell it to go the fuck away but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't seem to make a sound. He begged and pleaded with his mind to wake up but should have known he wasn't so lucky.
His eyes closed and he clenched them tightly, hoping that when he opened them again he'd be back in his room, cold and sweaty, but alone and firmly on the ground in normal gravity.
When he finally allowed his eyes to open just a crack he found he hadn't moved, still floating calmly amongst the cotton candy sky. Everything was the same as he remembered.
Everything, that is, except the figure who was slowly moving in his direction and getting closer with every breath.
He turned towards it instinctually and, miraculously, it didn't disappear. For the first time since this whole mess began he was able to look at it head-on. Though it was still blurry and hard to make out, he could finally tell it was definitely a person.
Suddenly in a panic for a reason he couldn't quite place he reflexively tried to air-swim away but he had just as little control in zero gravity in his dreams as he had in real life, so he just managed to awkwardly flail around.
The figure wasn't deterred. It kept getting closer and closer, causing Katsuki's anxiety to increase exponentially with each meter of space it covered. He tried to scream again but still nothing escaped his lips. He needed to get away. He needed to fucking wake up.
"Bakugou?"
He froze.
That voice was familiar.
"I'm so glad! You finally found me."
He turned to face the figure again, his anxiety all but vanishing instantly the second his eyes met hers.
"Uraraka?"
She grinned. "I do look like her, huh? But nope. I'm just you," she shrugged. "Or, well, I'm a part of you. Just like you're a part of you. And these clouds are a part of you. This is your dream after all."
He frowned, confused. "Why're you here? What's all this fuckin' pink bullshit?"
"I just told you, didn't I? You found me."
"I've been trying to fuckin' find you for days, why are you only showing yourself now?"
"You weren't really looking," she said, smug satisfaction plastered across her face.
He scoffed. If this really was him then he was being a real fucking vague asshole for no good reason.
"Why do you look like Uraraka?"
She smirked, his violently intimidating shit-eating grin looking very out of place - but somehow also really attractive - superimposed onto her soft features. "Isn't it obvious? God, we really are dense, aren't we?" She rolled her eyes. "It's because you love her, idiot."
"HAH?! I DON'T!"
Dream-Uraraka rolled her eyes again, greatly exaggerating the gesture. "You can keep denying it forever for all I care, but since I am you and you are you we both know you're only lying to yourself. Literally."
She stared him down, fully not buying his bullshit - just like the real Uraraka wouldn't have.
She was right. He knew she was. He had probably known for a very long time.
"I can't," he choked out despite himself, suddenly very nervous as a pain he had never felt before shot through his heart like boiling nitroglycerine. Why was he getting so upset about this? He had made his choice the day he got his quirk. He knew what he had to do and he couldn't let anything get in his way.
"We both know that 'can't' isn't in our vocabulary," she smarmed.
"I have to be a hero. I have to be number one."
"So? Are you really going to sit here and tell me that you're so average you can't become number one and have a relationship? What are you, some worthless fuckin' extra?" She was right up in his face, floating just inches away, as she shoved a finger into his chest, her accent rapidly switching between Uraraka's and his own. "Don't pussy out, Katsuki. Get your fuckin' shit together. Is that what this is really about?"
He froze under the intensity of her gaze, his mind simultaneously empty and rushing through every thought and memory he'd ever had all at once. No, he thought as her eyes - his eyes? - tore down every mental wall he'd put up against not only the world but also himself. It isn't.
He hadn't realized before, but hearing his given name come out of her mouth with her voice snapped something within him.
"She fuckin' likes Deku!" he screamed, finally voicing a part of what had been bothering him deep down for days now. "It's always shitty Deku! I'm always one step behind him and I can't even be mad because he fuckin' deserves it! Izuku deserves it all more than I do! Izuku deservers her more than I do! I'm the one who's shitty and an asshole and I can't even talk to the people I care about without upsetting them! I'm weak and he's strong and she has every right to choose him!"
His breathing was hard, his chest rising and falling rapidly in the same way it did after intense use of his quirk. Pink smoke swirled out of his clenched fists as the tears he hadn't realized had formed were threatening to fall. His voice cracked when he spoke again, quieter than before; "Why would she want someone like me when she can have someone like him? Someone who would be better for her."
Dream-Uraraka scoffed. "Do you really think Izuku is that much better than you are? Coulda fooled me; you've only been spouting the exact opposite for as long as we can remember."
Katsuki didn't respond.
"You and Izuku are two different people," she continued in a much softer voice that sounded less like himself and much more like Uraraka. "That doesn't make one of you better than the other."
The real Uraraka had said the same thing to him on his birthday. He knew it was true, both then and now, but it didn't make him feel any more confident. "He's better for her," he repeated.
"Why?" she asked, her hands resting on her hips. "Because he's kind? You've become kinder. You're kind to her."
"I'm not. She deserves better than me."
"So be kinder. Be better. Become someone that can prove he's worthy of her. Become someone she does deserve. Become someone who deserves her, Katsuki. Since when do you just give up?"
"Tch." Dream-Uraraka was right, again. He was mad as hell but she was. "That doesn't change the fact that she likes him and not me."
"Says who?" she asked, offended. "Why are you deciding things for her? That's no way to prove you're worth her affection."
"I ain't deciding shit for her! It's just fuckin' obvious! Everyone knows it!"
"People only know what they want to know," she brushed off, as if that made any sense at all. "And she told you herself, didn't she? 'I don't like him, for your information! He's my best friend!'," she said, repeating the words Uraraka had told him Sunday night. There was a pause before she added, "She wouldn't lie, you know she wouldn't. She's not that good at it."
He didn't say anything for a long time. She was right, technically. Uraraka had said that she didn't like Deku. She'd actually gotten pretty pissed when he'd accused her of it. But he'd said he didn't like her, and even if he didn't fully realize it at the time that was still the fattest fucking lie he could possibly imagine.
Uraraka didn't lie though. Not if she could help it.
And regardless of whether she was lying or not, that still didn't change one thing. One really important thing.
"You're still not being 100% honest, Katsuki," dream-Uraraka said, her voice stern; commanding. "Spit it out. Say it."
He needed to face this. He had to. The thing that had been bothering him more than anything else since he'd first started denying his feelings. He'd been too scared even think it, much less to voice it out loud. Even now, when he knew he was just talking to himself in a dream, his entire body was shaking, as if he'd physically crack and fracture just from the sheer force of admitting it.
But he'd apologized to Uraraka earlier. He could do this too.
He had to.
"Izuku likes her, too," he said, quietly, his gravely voice just barely above a whisper.
Dream-Uraraka looked thoughtful for a bit, as if she hadn't considered this before. After a painfully long few seconds she shrugged. "So? It's not like you have to live your life by what Izuku does and doesn't want. You've never let his opinion stop you before."
"This is different," he said. "I'm not gunna do that shit to him. I can't. Not after everything I've put him through."
Katsuki was ashamed. Yeah, he had apologized, Izuku had forgiven him, and they had talked things over. They were in a better place now. They were friends. But he still regretted how he'd treated Izuku in the past. He wasn't going to get in his way again - not like this. Not when they were already rivals as heroes. It wasn't fair. "He deserves to be happy, and I can't take that from him anymore. I won't."
"So talk to him," dream-Uraraka said, shrugging her shoulders casually.
"Hah?"
"Just talk to him about it. Maybe you're wrong, maybe he doesn't like her. We can be wrong, you know."
"Piss off, fake Round Face. Who even asked your shitty opinion?"
"You, technically, since we are both just parts of your subconscious," she said, rolling her eyes. She looked so cute when she was pissed - or, Uraraka looked cute when she was pissed, this dream bastard was just stealing her face. This whole situation was still mildly confusing if Katsuki was being honest, probably because he was literally sleeping. It didn't matter, though, because dream-Uraraka continued. "But do what you want, Katsuki. I'm only here because you needed a kick in the teeth and who better to do it than the girl you're head over heels for, even though you refuse to admit it. Keep being a pussy if you want to, I couldn't care less."
"HAH?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!"
"Nothing. I've gotta go," she said as she began to float away with a lot more grace and coordination than he was capable of. "Be better, Katsuki."
"HEY, GET BACK HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!" He tried air-swimming after her but ended up just flailing around even more wildly than before. She was getting further away by the second and he couldn't catch up. Just as another shout was about to erupt from his throat the world suddenly fell out from under him and Katsuki began free falling rapidly, no differently than he had every night that week.
It was over.
Katsuki awoke on the floor in a tangle of sheets and limbs, very cold and very sweaty. He took a second to catch his breath and noticed there were some holes singed in his blanket. Fuck. That hadn't happened in a while.
His brain was still foggy and the details of his dream were fading away quickly, but he knew there was something important that he should be remembering. What the hell was it?
*beep beep beep*
Torn from his stupor and suddenly wide awake he rushed to shut his alarm.
The memories of his dream came crashing down on him all at once like a Zero Gravity Meteor Storm he didn't have the ability to blast away. He couldn't keep lying to himself.
He liked Uraraka.
He liked Uraraka.
Without wasting any more time he stumbled over to his bathroom to stare at himself in the mirror. His hair was even messier than usual, his face white as a sheet, and his eyes bloodshot from too much sleep.
"I like Uraraka."
His face reddened almost immediately and he had to splash water on it to cool himself down again before his blush became fucking permanent or something. Dammit. This was so stupid! He was acting like one of the fucking idiots in those stupid chick flicks Racoon Eyes always insisted on watching. Or like a damn six-year-old declaring his love for the only girl who'd play with him at the playground. It was ridiculous! Saying it out loud felt so weird.
But he couldn't go back now. He shouldn't be getting embarrassed over something so idiotic.
Because it wasn't idiotic. Not anymore.
There was something he needed to do.
He pulled on his hoodie, grabbed his keys, and ran out the door, not even bothering to put on his shoes. Not wanting to wait, he passed the elevator completely and instead jumped down the stairs three at a time until he reached the hallway two stories below. He stopped in front of the door he needed, pausing to catch his breath.
It was quiet - everyone on this floor was definitely still sleeping. If he was too loud they might wake up.
Whatever. He'd never cared about his classmate's beauty sleep before so why start now? Fuck it.
He slammed his fist repeatedly on the door, causing a racket loud enough to wake half the building, this floor or otherwise, but he was too nervous to even think about it.
Within seconds the door opened abruptly, nearly causing him to fall forward and land flat on his face. "What's wrong?! Who's hurt?! I- Kacchan?!"
Deku looked startled, clearly only half awake, as Katsuki grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him back into the room, slamming the door behind them. "D'you like Uraraka?" That's not the way he had intended to start this conversation but it would have to do.
"I- What? Kacchan, what are you doing here, you probably woke up the whole floor, is everything okay? Is there a villain?"
"Do you like Uraraka?" he asked again more slowly, ignoring Deku's concern.
Deku's expression morphed from worry to confusion as he realized there wasn't actually any emergency. "Uraraka? Of course I like her, she's my best friend."
"Oi, you're not fuckin' stupid, Deku, so stop acting like it. That's not what I mean. Do you like her?" Katsuki knew his face was heating up again and willed it to remain a normal color.
"Like, romantically?"
"Yes, you shitty nerd!"
Deku stared at him for a second before smiling. "I used to think that I did but I realized I was just glad to have friends, I think. Actually, I realized that when we were in Otheon," he said, blushing profusely, as if that was supposed to make any sense to Katsuki. "Uraraka is very important to me, but I think of her more like my sister."
"Hn," was all Katsuki could formulate in response.
So, Deku didn't like her the way that he liked her. And apparently she didn't like Deku that way either. But… what did that mean?
"Uh, Kacchan… do you like Uraraka?"
"Yes." There was no point in denying things anymore. No point in hesitating. He wasn't a liar before this and he wouldn't be now.
Deku's eyes opened wide. "Oh, uh, wow okay. I sort of assumed you did but I didn't think you would actually answer me so easily. Okay then."
"Do you have a fuckin' problem with that?"
"No, of course not. Why would I?"
Katsuki didn't know what to say so he just shrugged, shoving his fists back into his pockets as an overwhelming and unfamiliar sense of awkwarness overtook his entire body.
"So you came here just to tell me that you like Uraraka?" Deku asked with a grin.
"Tch."
Deku nodded. "Okay well, are you, uh… asking my permission or something?"
"Fuck no, Deku, I don't need your permission for shit, don't flatter yourself!" God, communication was so difficult. Why was sorting out his own thoughts and feelings so damn hard all the time? Katsuki hadn't meant to snap at Deku, but old habits were hard to break and he only knew one way to express himself.
But somehow, like always, Deku was able to understand him in the end. "I think you two are going to be good together."
"Hah?"
"You and Uraraka. Ah, I mean, if she feels the same way as you do! I think you two will be good for each other," Deku said, suddenly looking very embarrassed as he waved his arms around frantically. "Assuming either of you chooses to pursue something, and that's if she does feel the same which I wouldn't know because I'm not her, and it's not like she's said- or, um… uh… so I wouldn't know anything-"
"I didn't ask for your opinion, Izuku," Katsuki mumbled, stopping the incoming ramble in its tracks, because it was entirely way too early and after the past week Katsuki really didn't have it in him to listen to whatever it was that Deku was babbling on about. He did appreciate it, though.
"I know, but I'm giving it anyway," Deku said, his body visibly relaxing. "If you like her then I think you should just tell her!"
Katsuki's brain short circuited.
Tell her?
How the fuck was he supposed to tell her?
His sudden panic must have been written all over his face because Deku quickly added, "Or you don't have to right away, you can just see how things go!"
"FUCK!"
"I'm guessing you hadn't thought that far ahead, then. Did you just realize you have feelings for her?"
"PISS OFF, DEKU!"
Katsuki ran his hands through his hair, more than aggravated with himself. This shouldn't be so hard. He was Bakugou fucking Katsuki! Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight! He should be able to handle telling a damn girl that he liked her.
"You don't have to do anything right now, Kacchan. You won't even see her till later today in class so you have time to-"
"I'm seeing her in less than an hour!"
"Huh? Why?"
Fuck. He'd forgotten that training was a secret - because he had asked for it to be. He panicked again. "Gym," he grunted.
Deku nodded. "That's right, she did say she often runs into you when she works out in the mornings. Either way, you'll be fine. Don't worry about it too much. Just act normally. And whatever you do, now that you've realized you like her don't get super shy and avoid her all week, because that might give her the wrong impression that you were actually mad at her and wouldn't that just be really awkward and..."
Katsuki stopped listening, allowing Deku to continue his nonsensical ramble on his own. Act normally? That was easier said than done. He'd tried to take that advice from Kirishima and it'd turned out less than spectacular. And now? How the hell was he supposed to not think about how much he fucking liked her when she was smiling at him and cracking jokes and fighting him while looking like a total badass and being adorable as fuck for no damn reason and just being around him. Being her and being incredible.
He hadn't realized how long he'd been quiet until Deku began awkwardly rummaging around his desk, mumbling under his breath. "Well, if I'm up this early I might as well get some homework done. It's only 4:30, so if I get enough done now I could also maybe check in with mom before class later…" He kept muttering to himself even as Katsuki snapped back to attention.
"It's 4:30?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Fuck! I'm gunna be fuckin' late!"
Katsuki sprinted out of Deku's room, slamming the door behind him. But, before he reached the end of the hall he stopped and turned back. The door opened again easily and he looked towards Deku, feeling both very reassured and very awkward all at the same time.
"Izuku… I… Thanks. Or whatever."
Deku smiled gently at him, looking truly and genuinely happy. "You're welcome, Kacchan. Good luck with Uraraka."
"Hn," Katsuki nodded. He shut the door again and ran back up to his room to get ready for training as quickly as he could.