A dart screamed past overhead, providing John with the distraction he needed. As soon as the Wraith glanced up at the ship skimming over the nearby treetops, John stepped back, concealing himself within the jumper's cloak.
The dart circled the clearing, and a culling beam lit the darkness. A moment later, John's reluctant ally disappeared within the beam. The dart turned in a tight arc and headed back down the valley toward a large, lit building in the distance.
John rubbed at the lingering ache where the Wraith had fed on him, watched the dart disappear, and blew out a breath.
If anyone had asked, and if he'd felt inclined to answer, the most difficult part of his day wasn't confronting Kolya or knowing the Genii commander had escaped once again. It wasn't even the Wraith feeding from him several times. He had known torture would be the consequence of making sure Kolya didn't get what he wanted. He was a soldier. That's what a soldier did. Fought the enemy any way he could so others wouldn't have to.
No, the part of his day he wanted to forget was those last few minutes before Ronon and the others showed up in the clearing. Lying on the ground, a wizened shell of a man, barely breathing but still aware of the Genii and the Wraith in the clearing.
You had given up, John chastised himself. You had accepted that you would die and didn't even try to fight. He stared at the shimmering event horizon lighting the shallow stream beside him. What kind of soldier did that? He hadn't tried to escape. He hadn't even paid much attention to what the Wraith was doing to the Genii soldiers. He had lay there, staring up at the the leaves rustling overhead, and had accepted this was how he would die.
Another dart flew over the clearing, circled the active 'gate, then flew out over the forest.
John glanced at his watch, entered the jumper, slapped the control to seal the hatch, and walked into the cockpit. He had told Ronon to dial the 'gate while he moved the Wraith out of the jumper and figured he had about ten minutes left before the 'gate shut down.
He dropped the borrowed P-90 on the chair behind Ronon and sat in the pilot's seat.
"This was a mistake," Ronon said as John checked the HUD and fired up the jumper's engines.
And then there was the team second-guessing his decisions, John grumbled.
"I keep my promises," John replied, glaring at Dex.
Ronon sat, unfazed by John's impatience. "Need to leave before the Wraith find us."
"The Wraith don't know we're here," John told him.
Two dots appeared on the HUD, and a moment later, two darts screamed past overhead.
"Sure about that?" Ronon asked. "That's the third patrol since we've been here."
"We're cloaked," John pointed out. "There's no reason for the Wraith to suspect there's anything out here except one of their own."
Ronon crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at the HUD as the two dots circled the forest and flew back in their direction. The darts sailed over the cloaked jumper and continued on toward the lights in the distance.
"Told you," John said, pulling back on the control sticks.
The jumper lifted off, and John circled the clearing as the ship gained altitude. He checked the HUD, and when no more dots appeared, he dropped the cloak and aimed the shuttle at the active event horizon.
"I'm going to assume you didn't dial Atlantis," John said as they neared the 'gate.
"Ymber," Ronon replied.
John nodded as the ship exited the 'gate into a bright, sunny day. He pulled back on the control sticks and engaged the cloak as the 'gate shut down. He circled the clearing, keeping one eye on the HUD while he studied the area. The few dots picked up by the scanner were miles away.
Probably just animals, John thought.
John made one last pass over the clearing, then punched in the address for Atlantis. "Let's go home," he said once the wormhole formed and pressed the communications tile.
"Atlantis, this is Sheppard," John said.
"This is Weir," Elizabeth replied. "We were beginning to wonder where you and Ronon had disappeared to."
John grimaced. "Sorry about that. Things took a little longer than expected."
There was a pause over the radio before Elizabeth replied. "I'm going to assume this side trip was both necessary and successful?"
"Yes," John replied.
"I see. All right, Colonel, you're cleared to return. Doctor Beckett asked me to pass along the message that he expects to see you in the infirmary once you land."
John made a face. You knew this was coming, he reminded himself. You're the only person to survive a feeding. The questions and the medical tests were inevitable. So much for stuffing everything with Kolya and the Wraith into a very large box and shoving it into a deep hole.
"I get it. I do. Probably more than you realise. That's why I really need you to talk to me. You can't just keep this bottled up and hope it will go away. Trust me, that doesn't work."
The long-ago conversation with McKay after the storm and Kolya's attempted coup rose in John's memory. While he had been willing to listen to Rodney and offer what help he could, John couldn't let go of the idea that his situation was different. That as team leader slash older brother, he was supposed to handle his problems alone.
Besides, there was no reason for McKay or any of them to know he had given up, he told himself. They needed to believe he would always be there. That he would always fight tooth and nail to make sure they were safe.
"Colonel?" Elizabeth said.
"Understood," John grunted in reply. "Sheppard out."
John felt Ronon watching him but ignored Dex's scrutiny as he aimed the jumper at the event horizon.
The docking system took over as soon as they were through the 'gate. John looked out the windscreen and saw Elizabeth standing on the balcony overlooking the gateroom as the ship rose into the bay.
No Teyla or McKay with her, John noted with a frown. Had something happened on the planet after he left? he wondered. Maybe he should have flown them back to the 'gate, he thought, then shook his head. If he'd waited until they were at the 'gate to tell McKay and the others about his plan for the Wraith, there would have been even more argument and second-guessing.
There was no reason for Kolya to leave any of his Genii soldiers behind, he reminded himself. McKay had probably complained the entire way back to the 'gate, but they weren't in any danger. Even if a few Genii were still on the planet, Rodney and Teyla had had a squad of Marines with them. More than enough firepower to deal with a few stragglers.
John pushed the concern away as the jumper settled in the bay. They are fine, he told himself. Right now, you need to worry about you. Just get through the medical and the debrief, then you can start working on forgetting about this whole thing.
"Coming?" Ronon said, jarring John out of his thoughts.
"Hmm?" John glanced at Ronon. "Yeah, yeah," he added, "right behind you."
Ronon narrowed his eyes, but John ignored him. He picked up the borrowed P-90 and followed Dex out of the ship.
Never thought I'd see this again, John thought as he looked around the jumper bay. Waking up in a cell alone, John had prepared himself for anything. Genii soldiers pulling him out of the cell and leading him to Kolya had been a shock, but John had assessed the situation and accepted his odds of escaping without help were low.
He'd been defiant with Kolya, and admittedly, he'd been afraid when the Wraith closed on him and started to feed. Through the agony as the Wraith sucked away his life, John had had flashes of memory. Of Sumner on his knees, nodding at John to shoot. Of Everett, lying in an infirmary bed, telling John he wished Sheppard had given him the same release.
However, John refused to give in, not to the Wraith feeding on him and certainly not to Kolya's taunts. His team would find him, John had told himself and the Wraith. He just had to give them more time.
He'd been prepared to stall, to wait out Kolya and give his team the time they needed to figure out where he was. Then Kolya had done the one thing guaranteed to ensure John would actively fight the Genii commander and the Wraith, too, if he had to. Kolya had threatened his family.
"The truth is, I would've settled for Doctor McKay, but I don't imagine I would enjoy his constant wailing."
John had always known Kolya was twisted. He thought about the scars on Rodney's arm and clenched his fist. The bald statement that Kolya would have happily subjected McKay to more torture, and this time by a Wraith, had galvanised John into action. If he died, he told himself there would be no one to stop Kolya the next time he wanted a pawn to toy with.
Which had lasted right up until you decided to give up. John scowled at the wall, clenching and unclenching his free hand.
The door in front of him opened, and Elizabeth entered the bay.
Calm down, he ordered himself and wiped the scowl off his face. The last thing you want to deal with is more questions.
"Colonel," Elizabeth greeted, walking over to John and Ronon. "Good to have you back."
"Thanks," John replied. "McKay and Teyla got back?"
Elizabeth nodded. "They did." She gave John a questioning glance. "Rodney said something about you taking the Wraith home?"
"It's a long story."
"I'm getting that impression," Elizabeth replied with a tight smile. "Once Carson clears you, we'll debrief."
"Great," John muttered. The sooner you get it all over with … He thought as he led the way out of the jumper bay.
"Better you than me," Ronon said at the head of the stairs leading down to the control room.
"Thanks," John sarcastically replied.
Ronon shrugged and disappeared down the hallway outside the control room.
John followed at a slower pace, putting off the inevitable for as long as possible. He tapped the sensor for the transporter and hesitated.
"Quarters or infirmary," he muttered, hovering his hand over the map. He glanced down at his dirt-stained uniform and flicked the flap of loose cloth over his sternum where his shirt was torn.
"Quarters," he decided a moment later, pressing the appropriate section of the map. "If you're going to spend the next few hours as a lab rat, at least be a clean lab rat."
John stood in front of the mirror twenty minutes later, buttoning his uniform shirt. He caught a glimpse of the faint red mark on his chest where the Wraith had fed on him and paused, running a finger over the blemish.
The Wraith turned on him, and John saw the moment he'd been betrayed reflected in the Wraith's expression right before it slammed its hand into John's chest. The pain was worse than any of the previous feedings, and he screamed as the Wraith took its fill. The Wraith stepped back a moment later, leaving John a shattered husk.
As he lay dying on the ground, John focused the sunlight dappling through the trees If this was how he was going to die, he decided, he wanted his last sight to be of the sky …
"Stop it," John ordered himself. "You survived. It's over. Pull yourself together."
He quickly finished buttoning his shirt, found his boots and left his room. He was almost back to the transporter when he heard his name over the radio.
"Colonel Sheppard?" Beckett said.
John sighed. "Sheppard," he replied.
"I meant it when I told Doctor Weir I wanted to see you in the infirmary when you landed."
"I was -" John tried to say, but Carson spoke over him.
"I don't want excuses, Colonel. I want to see you in the infirmary in the next two minutes, or I'm sending a party of Marines to collect you."
"I was trying to tell you. I'm on my way now," John replied. He waved his hand over the transporter's sensor, then tapped the section of the map for the infirmary. "I'm nearly there now," he added as the transporter doors opened.
A few moments later, John walked into the infirmary and found Carson standing outside his office, his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at the door.
"Colonel," Carson greeted. "Nice of you to finally show up."
"It was just a shower and a change of clothes," John replied.
"Hmm," Carson replied, leading the way to a bed on the far side of the room.
The infirmary was quiet except for a few of Beckett's flu patients. Sharon stood over one of the beds lined along the back wall, talking to Sergeant Valdés. Dana, the pretty nurse with a crush on Rodney, sat at the desk in the far corner, entering data on a computer.
John had seen Rodney with her a few times since the incident with the Ancient memory device, but as far as he knew, their 'dates' had been little more than coffee or an occasional meal in the mess hall together.
"Up you get," Carson said, pointing at an empty bed.
John sat on the edge of the bed as Carson pulled over a rolling table with a tray of supplies.
"How's it going?" John asked, nodding at Valdés.
"We weathered the storm," Carson replied, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around John's arm. "There haven't been any new cases for a few days now, so I think we're in the clear."
John nodded. "So after all of his dire predictions, McKay didn't get sick after all."
"No, thank heavens. For a man who thinks he will catch every passing bug, Rodney is surprisingly resistant to getting sick."
"Maybe that's the secret," John replied. "He scares off the viruses with his complaining."
Carson smiled as he inflated the cuff.
"Pressure is good," Carson said a moment later, removing the cuff. "Any breathing problems or chest pain?" he asked, listening to John's chest and back.
"No," John replied. "Really, Carson, I feel fine. Better than fine."
Carson picked up the tablet computer on the cart and made a few notes. "Unbutton your shirt. I need to check that feeding wound."
"There isn't one," John replied, unbuttoning his shirt. "It must have healed when the Wraith restored everything."
Carson ran a hand over the faint mark on his chest, and John ordered himself not to flinch. Carson glanced at him, and John suspected he hadn't fooled Beckett.
"The wound appears completely healed," Beckett agreed. "Any pain?"
John shook his head and buttoned his shirt. "Not really."
"Not really? What does that mean?"
John crossed his arms over his chest. "It's hard to describe." He glanced down at his chest. "It doesn't really hurt. It's more of a tingling, throbbing feeling. It's more annoying than really hurting."
"Ghost pains," Carson said. "I suppose that would make sense."
Sharon walked over to their corner and nodded to John. "Anything you need help with, Doctor Beckett?"
Carson handed Sharon the tablet computer. "I'll need several blood samples for a complete workup. I also want to check the amount of residual enzyme in his system. Oh, and run a DNA test."
"Wait, what?" John asked, dropping his arms. "Why do you need a DNA test? I'm pretty sure I'm still me."
"It's nothing like that," Carson replied. "That comment Rodney made when we found you got me thinking."
"What that crack about me looking younger?" John snorted. "Come on, Carson, that was McKay being his usual witty self. You should know that."
"Maybe," Carson replied. "But I still want to be sure."
Sharon waited for Caron's nod, then walked to a cabinet and set several items on a tray.
"As for you," Carson said, turning back to John, "I want you to stay here at least until we get the results of the enzyme test."
John crossed his arms over his chest again and sighed.
Beckett glanced at him, and John saw he was about to say something else when Sharon returned with several empty vials in a rack and other paraphernalia on her tray.
"I'll come talk to you as soon as we have the results," Carson said as Sharon prepped John's arm and found a vein. "Once you have the samples, send one of the techs to the mess hall for a tray," Carson said to Sharon as he walked toward the medical lab. "I'm sure Colonel Sheppard could do with a hot meal."
"Yes, Doctor Beckett," Sharon replied, setting a filled vial on the tray and picking up another.
"I'm going to need some of that," John said a moment later as Sharon filled a third vial.
"Almost done," Sharon replied with a smile.
She filled a fourth vial, removed the needle, and taped a cotton ball to John's arm. "I'll have David bring you a tray," she said as she checked the labels and lined up the vials in a holder.
"Thanks," John replied.
John ate his dinner and lay dozing in the bed sometime later when he heard the infirmary door open. He opened his eyes and pushed himself more upright in the bed when he saw Ronon and Teyla enter the infirmary, followed by Rodney.
"John," Teyla said with a smile. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine," John grumbled. "I'm not sure how many more times I need to say that."
"I am sure Doctor Beckett only wants to be certain there will be no repercussions after what happened. This is a rather unique situation."
John grunted and crossed his arms over his chest. This was not a topic he wanted to think about, he grumbled to himself. He saw McKay's concerned expression and changed the subject before Rodney could ask any awkward questions.
"With so many of your scientists down with the flu, how is the search for 'gates coming?" John asked.
"What?" Rodney asked, clearly thrown by the question.
John frowned. Part of him wondered what had Rodney so distracted. The more selfish part didn't particularly care at the moment. He just didn't want to talk about Kolya. Or Wraith. Or nearly dying.
"Your whole big plan to build a 'gate bridge connecting Pegasus to the SGC?" John prompted.
"Oh, umm, slow," Rodney replied. "We've got teams working on the series of 'gates needed at the midway point, but we're still short seven Pegasus 'gates of the seventeen we need for my idea to work. I've had Zelenka searching the database for planets that might have 'gates we can harvest."
John nodded. "Good. Once we're through this debrief, I'll talk to Elizabeth about investigating one of those planets."
Rodney looked up in surprise, but before he could say anything, Carson walked over to their corner carrying a tablet computer.
"Tell me I can get out of here," John said as Beckett stopped at the end of the bed.
Carson looked up from the computer. "All of your tests look normal so far. And I'm happy to tell you, there is also no trace of Wraith enzyme in your system."
"Lucky you," Rodney grumbled under his breath.
Carson glanced at McKay, then focused on John. "I'm still waiting for the DNA results. I won't have those until tomorrow."
"So I can go?"
Carson studied John, then nodded. "I don't see any reason to keep you here."
John swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. "I told you I was fine."
"Even so, I want you to take things easy for the next few days. Your body has been through a lot." Beckett glanced from John to Rodney. "Is there anything you want to talk -"
"No," John replied, pushing past Ronon.
In the hall outside the infirmary, he heard Carson ask, "Did you tell him?"
Tell me what? John wondered. He glanced back at the door, debating whether or not he should wait for the others. Don't need any more problems, he decided and kept walking.
~*~*~*~ SGA ~*~*~*~
The Wraith growled low in his throat as talon-like nails dug into John's chest, drawing blood.
He felt the kick of adrenaline even as the pain overwhelmed him. His heart stuttered, and his breath faltered as the Wraith snarled, sucking away his life. This time, there was no one to stop it. No one to pull the Wraith off of him. This time, he knew the Wraith would kill him.
The Wraith continued to feed, grinning as it stared down at him, taking everything from him.
John tried to fight. He weakly pushed at the hand clamped to his chest, but the Wraith only smiled as it drained his life energy.
The pain increased, and John tried not to scream.
This was it, he realised. There would be no last-second rescue. No one knew where he was. He was about to die.
"You are mine, Sheppard," the Wraith hissed in John's ear, drawing out John's name. "I will feed until you are nothing but a husk."
The pain increased, and this time, John screamed.
John woke with a start, and for a moment, he expected to find himself back in a cell inside Kolya's compound. He stared around the dimly lit room and huffed out a breath when he saw the photo of him and Rodney sitting on his desk.
"You're home," John muttered, pushing aside the sweat-damp bed sheets. He sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands as the last remnants of the dream faded.
The nightmares were to be expected, he told himself. Nothing he hadn't dealt with before.
"Not the first time you've had a bad dream," he told himself. "Probably won't be the last."
He scrubbed his hands through his hair and stared out the window at the darkness. He took several deep breaths and nodded as his heart rate slowed.
You're being an idiot, you know, he thought, and almost smiled when the voice sounded like McKay. You have a team willing and able to help. You don't have to try and cope alone.
John dropped his hands and picked up the picture on the desk, staring at Rodney standing next to him soon after his promotion. He remembered Rodney fumbling with the rank pins as he attached the silver oak leaves to John's shoulders and the crooked smile he had given John when he was done.
Your team found you, John thought, setting the picture back on the desk. Granted, after you had already done most of the heavy lifting, he added bitterly, but they had found you.
"Thanks for showing up."
A part of him had regretted the sarcastic comment as soon as he said it. The other, larger part, had needed to vent some of his frustration, and, he could admit to himself, his fear at the first available target, which happened to be McKay.
He had seen Rodney's hurt expression as he walked away but was selfishly grateful McKay hadn't pushed and had stayed with Beckett at the rear of their procession back to the jumper. He'd had enough problems keeping his roiling emotions under control without dealing with an indignant scientist, too.
While he was sure his team had the best intentions in wanting to try and help, John also knew they had all witnessed what Kolya had done to him. He'd barely been able to stop Ronon from shooting the Wraith. He had seen the pain lines across McKay's forehead and the exhaustion lurking behind his confusion as he stared at John. Teyla had managed to conceal her emotions better than Rodney or Dex, but John had seen the fear mixed with relief when he had stood up and ordered Ronon to stand down.
They had enough to deal with without you adding more trauma, John told himself. Stuffing the bad things into boxes and forgetting about them may not be the best idea for others, but it worked for him.
John glanced out the windows as the first glimmers of dawn lit the horizon and stood. No point in trying to go back to sleep, he decided with a glance at the rumpled bed.
He shed the clothes he'd slept in, found a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt in a drawer, and left his room. You need a nice long run to shake off that dream, he told himself and walked toward the transporter.
Two hours later, John walked back into his room, sweat-drenched from the exercise instead of his private demons. He showered, dressed in a clean uniform, and headed for the mess hall. It was still too early for any of his team to be there, but John needed coffee.
As expected, besides a few scientists, who John wasn't sure if they were just getting up or going to bed, the mess hall was empty. He walked over to the coffee carafes and caught two scientists staring at him before putting their heads together and whispering. John scowled at the scientists, who quickly finished eating and left the room.
Probably should have expected that, too, he thought as he poured a cup of coffee, took a few quick sips, refilled the cup and found an inconspicuous table in the corner of the room. The same thing happened after everything with Teer in the Ancient sanctuary.
John sat, sipping his coffee, watching the ebb and flow of people coming and going over the next hour while he considered what to do next.
He had decided during his run that his best course of action was to get back to work as soon as possible. There was still a lot of galaxy to explore, and finding stargates for Rodney's 'gate bridge idea would be a distraction from the nightmares.
He still wasn't entirely sure how the bridge was supposed to work, but as McKay had reminded him more than once over the past two months, they were too far along to abandon the idea now.
Get through the debrief, John told himself. Write up the reports, and hopefully, that will be the end of it. Except for finding Kolya and killing him, John reminded himself with a grim smile as he clenched the coffee cup so hard his knuckles turned white.
It was a promise he had made several times over the last two years, ever since he had seen Rodney's bruised and bloody arm after his first encounter with Kolya. It had been a promise he had silently renewed every time Kolya managed to escape.
Not again, John vowed. The next time he met Kolya would be the last.
So, find Rodney's 'gates and kill Kolya. John nodded to himself, finishing his coffee. Sounded like a plan to him.
"John?" Teyla said.
John looked up and saw Teyla standing on the other side of the table, holding a tray.
"Are you all right?" she asked. She set down her tray and sat across from him.
John tried not to scowl at the question. "Just thinking. I didn't expect any of you to be here this early."
Teyla's brow creased in a puzzled frown. "It is not early," she replied. "I suspect Ronon and Doctor McKay will be here soon."
John glanced at his watch, surprised to see it was nearly 8:30am. How long had he been sitting in the mess hall staring into space? he wondered.
John picked up his empty cup and stood. "Going to," he gestured at the mess line. "I'll be right back."
He returned a few minutes later with his breakfast, sat, and picked up his fork.
"I know you are tired of us asking, but are you sure you are all right?" Teyla asked a few minutes later. "With everything that has happened, it would be understandable if you were not."
"Really, I'm fine." John swallowed a bite of egg and tried to ignore Teyla's scrutiny.
Teyla poked at the fruit on her plate and sighed. "In that case, you may wish to speak to Rodney about what he experienced yesterday."
John pushed down the flash of irritation. Who was the one tortured by a Wraith? he grumbled to himself. He saw Ronon walk into the mess hall, nodded to Dex, and focused on Teyla.
"Oh?" John asked, hoping he sounded interested in whatever happened to McKay while he was busy having the life sucked out of him.
Teyla studied him briefly, then glanced around the room and leaned forward. "Something happened to him after we arrived on the planet yesterday." She pointed to her head and gave John a significant look.
John twitched at the mention of the link. He had still been lying on the ground, trying to understand what the Wraith had done, giving him back his life, when Ronon had stormed into the clearing. At the time, he had been too busy trying to prevent Ronon from shooting his unlikely ally to worry about the link or what sort of reaction Rodney may have experienced.
How close were they when the Wraith had drained most of his life? John wondered.
"Thanks for showing up."
The sarcastic comment echoed through his head, and John felt a tiny stab of guilt for taking his anger out on Rodney. No wonder McKay had looked so exhausted, he realised.
John glanced at Teyla and saw her watching him. He was saved from saying anything when Ronon joined them, carrying a tray in one hand and a pitcher of water in the other.
"Ronon," John greeted as Dex sat next to Teyla.
"Sheppard," Ronon replied, pouring syrup over his pancakes.
John ate a few bites of egg and wondered if McKay planned to join them when he saw Rodney push through the mess hall doors and shuffle through the breakfast line. A few minutes later, Rodney walked over to their table, took the last chair next to John, and started eating without a word.
Teyla glanced at McKay and then John.
"Rodney," Teyla replied with a frown. "Are you all right?"
Rodney glanced at Teyla. "Just tired," he muttered. "Didn't sleep well, I guess."
John caught Rodney's sideways glance in his direction and saw Teyla's raised eyebrow.
"Weir to Sheppard," John heard over the radio.
Teyla started to say something, but John held up a finger, took a swallow of coffee, and tapped his earpiece. "Sheppard."
"I spoke to the rest of your team last night, but I wanted to let you know that I've scheduled a mission debrief for this morning."
John glanced at Rodney and Ronon, still eating. "Understood. We can be in the conference room in twenty."
Rodney grimaced as he scooped up a forkful of egg.
"Twenty minutes, then. Weir out."
"The debrief?" Teyla asked.
"Yeah," John replied. "May as well get it over with." He finished the last of his toast, gulped the rest of his coffee and stood. "Conference room in twenty," he said, picked up his tray, and headed for the exit.
He turned down the hallway and stepped into the transporter. Instead of heading for the control room, he selected the pier where he and Rodney usually sat and drank beer. He exited the transporter a few seconds later, pushed through the outer door and paced far enough down the pier to be out of sight of anyone glancing out the door.
Last step, John told himself as he stared out at the water. Get through the debrief, write up the report, and finally put what happened behind you.
Clouds gathered in the distance, and a cool breeze rippled the water far below. John stuffed his hands into his trouser pockets, ignoring the weather as he stared at the white caps curling across the water. He spent another ten minutes soaking in the scent of the sea air and the sound of the waves crashing against the pier. When he felt as calm as he was likely to get, he turned, walked back inside, and headed for the conference room.
John entered the conference room and saw Ronon, Teyla, and Rodney seated around the table. He hesitated, then took his usual seat next to McKay.
"Where have you been?" Rodney hissed.
"Excuse me?" John replied with a glare.
Rodney scowled. "I was looking for you. There's something I wanted -"
"Later," John said as Elizabeth entered the room.
"Good morning," Elizabeth greeted as she sat at the head of the table. "Doctor Beckett will be here shortly. He was finishing up a few items for his report."
John felt a tiny jolt in his stomach. Had Carson found something? he wondered. They knew so little about how the Wraith feeding process worked, and until yesterday, they didn't even know the effects could be reversed.
You're fine, he reminded himself. All of the tests last night said so.
Carson entered the room with a tablet computer in one hand and glanced around the room.
"Apologies," he said, standing at the end of the table as the doors twisted closed behind him. "I had a few questions and wanted to double-check some of my findings." He glanced from John to Elizabeth. "If I could have a moment?" he asked, nodding in John's direction.
"Certainly," Elizabeth replied. "You are welcome to use my office."
"Colonel," Carson said, motioning to the door.
John stood and felt Rodney's gaze following him as he left the conference room. "What's that all about?" McKay asked.
"I'm sure everything is fine," Teyla replied.
"Let's proceed with what happened before you found Colonel Sheppard," Elizabeth said as the doors twisted closed.
Carson started across the bridge to the control room, but John stopped him with a hand on his arm. "No need for the office," he said.
Carson frowned, glanced at Chuck sitting at the control console, and motioned John into the corner between the conference room doors and the wall. He glanced down at the computer clutched in his hand, and John felt a spurt of anxiety in his gut.
"Spit it out, Doc," he ordered in a low growl.
Carson looked up from the computer and sighed. "I have the results of your DNA analysis."
John stood stiff with his hands clenched behind his back. So much for thinking everything was fine, John thought as he watched Beckett fiddle with the tablet computer. Was the reversal only temporary? he wondered. Was he suddenly going to turn back into that withered old man?
"And?" he asked in a clipped tone. He saw Chuck watching them and tugged Carson a little farther into the corner.
Carson shook his head. "Remember, we know so little about the Wraith or how their feeding process affects the human body. Even so, this is …" He glanced at the computer.
"Doc?" John growled.
"Sorry," Carson said, lowering the computer. "I'm happy to report you are perfectly healthy. There does not appear to be any abnormal effects to your genome after the Wraith feeding."
John stared in disbelief, then scowled at Beckett. "If everything is fine, what's with all the hesitant looks and secrecy?" He sagged against the wall and rubbed his forehead. "You nearly gave me a heart attack, and I'm sure McKay is in there," John pointed at the conference room doors, "having a panic attack."
"I'm sorry about that," Carson replied with a grim smile. "But I thought you'd want to hear my news in private."
John crossed his arms over his chest. "You just told me everything was fine. What else is there to say?"
Carson took a deep breath. "Rodney was right."
John stared at Beckett. "Rodney thinks he's right about a lot of things. Right about what, exactly?"
"Yesterday. After we found you. That comment he made about you appearing younger than before. He was right."
"You lost me," John admitted. He pulled one hand free and rubbed his forehead.
Carson took a deep breath. "You remember the Ancient sanctuary you found last year?"
Memories of Teer and Hedda and fighting an invisible monster flashed through John's mind. "Not something I'm likely to forget. I spent six months waiting for you guys to find me that time. Guess I should be glad it didn't take as long this time."
Carson grimaced at the accusation.
John started to apologise, but Beckett waved him off. "Yes, well, umm, while you seemed perfectly fine once you returned from the sanctuary, your DNA had 'aged'," he mimed the quote marks, "equal to the six months you spent in the time dilation field."
John felt a bubble of anger building in his chest. "You never said anything about that."
"Because it wasn't much of a concern," Carson replied. "It was a tiny genetic anomaly. Nothing else."
"I take it something has changed again?"
Carson nodded. "I believe when the Wraith reversed the effects of his feeding, he also corrected that six-month discrepancy. So, while Rodney was being his usual sarcastic self, he was also right. You are now genetically six months younger than when Kolya kidnapped you."
John blew out a breath. "So what does this mean?"
"Long term, nothing really. There are no increased risks for disease, for example. This simply means that your genetic age and your physical age once again match." Carson glanced down at the 'gate. "The fact that the Wraith could do that is medically fascinating. If I could understand how that process works, the medical applications would be endless."
John shook his head and turned to the closed conference room doors. "Come on, you need to tell the others before they, meaning McKay, get the wrong idea about this little side meeting."
John waved his hand over the sensor and waited for the doors to twist open.
"... landed the jumper," Teyla was saying. "After Ronon and the team of Marines verified the area was secure, we set out to locate Colonel Sheppard."
Elizabeth looked up from taking notes as the doors opened.
"Colonel?" she asked as John and Carson entered the room.
John resumed his seat next to Rodney, who stared at him with a worried expression and a raised eyebrow. Carson sat next to Teyla and set the computer to one side.
"Tell them," John said. "Before McKay blows a blood vessel."
"Humph," Rodney muttered and crossed his arms over his chest.
Carson nodded and explained his DNA results.
"That's it?" Rodney exclaimed. He scowled first at Carson and then at John. "I thought …" He let the sentence peter out and flopped back in his chair. "Teach me to be concerned," he muttered under his breath.
Elizabeth glanced at Rodney, then said, "Anything else?"
"I've updated the DNA sequence I have on file for Colonel Sheppard to match his new profile."
"And there are no other residual effects from the feeding?" Elizabeth asked.
Carson shook his head. "According to all of my tests and scans, Colonel Sheppard is the peak of health."
"Which I've been saying since we got back," John grumbled.
Elizabeth smiled. "If there is nothing else -"
Carson raised a finger.
"Carson?" Elizabeth asked. "Did you have something else to add?"
"No. Well, yes," Carson said. He hesitated again, then glanced around the room and blurted, "Did that Wraith look familiar to anyone else?"
"You're not serious?" Rodney sat forward in his seat. "It was a Wraith. I don't think anyone was interested in getting its autograph."
Carson frowned. "There was something about him," he muttered. "He looked familiar for some reason." Carson looked around the table. "None of you recognised him?"
"Like I said before, I'm not sure that's possible," John said. "The impression I had was that the Wraith had been Kolya's prisoner for years. Maybe decades."
Elizabeth studied John briefly, then said, "Colonel, this seems like a good time for you to tell us what happened yesterday."
John took a deep breath, sat rigid in his chair, and recited everything that had happened once he had woken up in Kolya's dungeon in a cold, detached tone.
"The only interaction you had with Kolya was when you were in front of the camera?" Elizabeth asked once John finished speaking.
"Yes," John replied.
Elizabeth tapped her pen on the pad of paper next to her. "Do you believe Kolya's only reason for doing this was to get to Ladon Radim?"
John snorted. "No."
Elizabeth smiled. "I don't either."
"Wait. What?" Rodney asked. "Why?"
"Because Kolya already had people infiltrating Radim's government," John replied. "He didn't need us to get to Radim. His people could have easily concocted something to get Ladon off the Genii homeworld."
"So why do all of this?" Rodney demanded. "Why kidnap you at all?"
John frowned and ducked his head. The last thing he wanted was for McKay to know Kolya would have been just as eager to use Rodney in his video sessions.
"Because he could," Elizabeth said into the silence.
John looked up, saw her watching him, and nodded. "This just proves what we already knew."
"Which is?" Rodney asked.
"That Genii politics are ruthless," John replied. "Kolya lost face after he tried to take Atlantis and failed. He never regained it. Ladon's successful coup over Cowen was the last straw. In his mind, Kolya blames us for the fact he's not in power as much as Radim."
"That's how I see it as well," Elizabeth said. "You realise this will make him even more of a threat."
"Yeah," John replied.
"Lovely," Rodney muttered.
John turned to Carson. "So sorry, Doc, but there isn't any way you would know that Wraith."
Carson frowned. "It's just so strange. He seemed so familiar."
"The Wraith trap," Ronon said into the ensuing silence.
"What Wraith trap?" Rodney asked.
"Yes!" Carson exclaimed at the same time. "He was the Wraith in the recording."
"What trap? What recording?" Rodney demanded, scowling across the table. "I think I would remember getting caught in a trap."
"You weren't there," Carson explained. "It happened while you and Colonel Sheppard were back on Earth."
"Wait. You're talking about that Wraith outpost we found last year?" Rodney asked Carson. "The one that nearly gassed all of you to death?"
"The very same," Carson said. "Sergeant Thompson, Ronon, and I were trapped in a room, and there was a recording of a Wraith commander."
"You never mentioned a recording in your report," Elizabeth said.
"There wasn't any sound," Carson replied. "Just an image of a Wraith speaking. I'm positive it was the same Wraith Colonel Sheppard met yesterday."
"Teyla?" Elizabeth asked. "Did you see this recording too?"
Teyla shook her head. "There was no such recording in the control room. One moment, Doctor Zelenka's team was working, and the next, the power went out, and Doctor Zelenka was racing to disconnect our computers from the Wraith systems."
"That was a trap the Wraith left for the Ancients?" John asked.
"Doctor Zelenka believed that was the case, yes," Teyla replied.
"But the war ended ten thousand years ago." Rodney gulped. "That would mean -"
"Yes," Carson agreed. "We've always assumed the hibernation cycles of Wraith could extend their lives by hundreds or thousands of years. Now we know it may be tens of thousands of years."
"Told you you should have shot him," Ronon told John.
John shook his head. "We had a deal. I kept my side of it."
Ronon shook his head, and Elizabeth held up her hand. "The Wraith is out of our hands for now. Colonel, do you believe there is any immediate threat by Commander Kolya to this base thanks to your escape?"
"Doubt it," John replied. "From what I could tell, Kolya didn't have more than twenty or thirty men, and the Wraith killed most of them."
Elizabeth nodded and set down her pen. "All right, if no one has anything else to add …" She glanced around the room. When no one said anything, she continued, "I will let General Landry know about recent events and that, for now, the Genii do not pose a threat."
John blew out a silent breath of relief, pushed back his chair, and stood. Now, to put the whole thing behind you, he thought as he walked toward the door. Maybe sit out on the pier with a six-pack and start forgetting about the whole painful mess.
"Colonel," Elizabeth said from where she still sat at the table. "A moment, please."
Rodney froze and glanced at John.
"Alone," Elizabeth added with a pointed look at Rodney.
John clenched his hands behind his back as Rodney glanced at him and then Elizabeth.
So much for a clean getaway, John grumbled to himself. He saw Beckett give Elizabeth a significant glance with a raised eyebrow. Elizabeth gave him a minute head shake in reply, and Carson nodded.
Beckett pushed Rodney out of the conference room, and John watched as the doors twisted shut.
John suspected he knew what Elizabeth was going to say and jumped in before Weir could speak.
"You heard Beckett, I'm fine." He started to cross his arms over his chest but changed his mind at the last moment and stuffed his hands into his trouser pockets instead.
"Physically," Elizabeth replied, and John ground his teeth at her patient tone. "John, you were tortured -"
"Not the first time."
Elizabeth shook her head, then said. "If Kolya had captured Rodney instead of you, what would you tell him?"
"The truth is, I would've settled for Doctor McKay, but I don't imagine I would enjoy his constant wailing."
John shook off the reminder and scowled. "That's different. McKay is a civilian."
Elizabeth frowned. "You don't have to deal with what happened alone, you know."
John thought again about those last few minutes before Ronon and the others arrived. About the fact that he had given up. Accepted what the Wraith had done to him without even a sarcastic comment, much less a fight.
Not something that needs to be discussed and analysed, he decided.
"Elizabeth, I'm fine." John took his hands out of his pockets and stepped toward the door. "If you want to help, the best thing is to let me get back to work."
Elizabeth shook her head. "That's not how this works." She gathered up the pad of paper and her pen and stopped in front of John. "We have these protocols in place for a reason. You, of all people, know that. You helped write them. Doctor Heightmeyer needs to clear you before your team can be put back into the mission rotation."
"Fine," John growled. He turned on his heel and waved his hand over the door sensor. "I'll go see Heightmeyer."
John pushed through the twisting doors and nearly ran over Rodney, who was pacing back and forth. He saw McKay's expression of nervous concern and held up a hand. "Don't."
"I just wanted -" McKay started to say.
"Whatever it is, it can wait," John interrupted.
"It really can't," Rodney muttered, but John ignored him and kept walking.
He had no idea what Rodney wanted, and at the moment, he didn't care. If he was going to convince Heightmeyer he was fit for duty, he couldn't afford the added distraction of McKay's problems.
John walked out of the control room without a backward glance, turned down the hall, and slapped the sensor for the transporter.
"Just get it over and done with," he told himself, pressing the section of the map with Heightmeyer's office. "The sooner everyone is satisfied, the sooner things can get back to normal."
He exited the transporter, turned down a quiet hallway and stopped outside the door to Heightmeyer's office. He took a deep breath, steeling himself against the upcoming encounter, and knocked on the door.
"Colonel Sheppard," Doctor Kate Heightmeyer greeted as she opened the door. "I'm glad you decided to stop by." She stepped back from the door and motioned John inside. "Come in."
John stepped into the room and noted little had changed since the last time he was here. The two leather chairs still sat facing each other near the windows. The blinds for the windows were open, and John wandered over to the floor-to-ceiling windows.
The clouds he'd seen on the horizon had gathered into a dark mass during the debrief, blotting out the late morning sunlight. The wind had whipped the waves into higher peaks, and John thought he heard a rumble of thunder in the distance.
"Would you like to sit?" Kate asked.
John glanced over at the two leather chairs. Heightmeyer sat in one and held her hand out toward the other.
John sighed and moved over to the chair. He sat and heard the leather creak as he leaned back, hoping he gave the impression of being at ease and calm.
Kate watched him settle in the chair, then crossed one leg over the other and clasped her hands around her bent knee. "I wasn't sure you would come see me," she said.
"Doctor Weir didn't give me much choice," John replied and mentally kicked himself.
Good job, John. he chastised himself. If she didn't think something was wrong before, she certainly does now.
Kate seemed to take the comment in stride. "Even so, I'm glad you took Elizabeth's advice."
John snorted. "Not sure advice is how I would phrase it," he muttered, shifting in the chair.
Heightmeyer sat back in her seat. "Have you talked to anyone about what happened? Doctor Beckett, perhaps?"
"No," John replied shortly.
"Why is that?" Kate asked.
John scowled. "Because there's no reason to. They all saw the video. They know what Kolya ordered that Wraith to do."
"So you blame Commander Kolya and not the Wraith?"
"You realise he is torturing both of us?" The Wraith said through the cell bars.
"Oh, yeah? What'd he do to you?" John demanded as he paced his cell.
"He stopped me."
John stopped and stared at the Wraith. "Really? And how is that torture?
"Have you ever known starvation, Sheppard? The few years I took from you are barely enough to keep me alive."
"I wasn't the only one Kolya was torturing," John replied.
"That's an insightful acknowledgement," Kate said with a nod.
"Yeah, well, I can't claim full credit for it," John replied with a tight smile. "Someone pointed that fact out to me."
"Oh?"
John glanced at her and blew out a breath. "The Wraith."
'Ahh,' Kate mouthed. "Was that when you decided to join forces to escape?"
"No," John said.
"The truth is, I would've settled for Doctor McKay …
Kate raised an eyebrow, and John continued, "Kolya threatened McKay."
"I see," Kate said with a knowing smile.
John glared and shifted in his chair.
"Speaking of Rodney, you have not spoken to him or to your team because …" She left the question hanging, and John pushed to his feet, unable to sit still any longer.
He paced between the chair and the window. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and John watched the lightning flickering in the dark clouds.
"They saw what Kolya and that Wraith did," he admitted softly. "They have enough to deal with without me adding to the pile."
"Is that all?"
John turned with a puzzled expression. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Kate sat forward in her chair, watching John. "Could part of your reluctance to talk to your team stem from the fact you did not expect them to find you?"
"I've got friends. And they're going to come for me."
John shook his head. "No. I knew they were looking for me."
"But you weren't sure they would find you in time," Kate replied.
"I spent six months waiting for you guys to find me that time. Guess I should be glad it didn't take as long this time."
"Thanks for showing up."
John hesitated. "I knew they were trying," he finally replied.
"So you trust your team enough to find you no matter where you may be, but you don't trust them enough to tell them when you need other help."
John scowled at Kate, then turned and stared out the window at the wind-whipped waves and the lowering clouds.
"I know from past conversations with Doctor McKay and Teyla you will make time to listen when they need to talk. Why do you feel they won't give you the same attention?"
"They've been through enough," John said, never looking at Heightmeyer. "I can deal with what happened." He glanced at Kate. "This isn't the first time I've been tortured."
Kate frowned. "You can't suppress a trauma like this and expect it to stay buried," she admonished. "Unless you are willing to deal with it, it will continue to haunt you."
"I do plan to deal with it," John said. He turned away from the window and walked back to the leather chair. He gripped the back of the leather chair and stared at Kate. "The next time I see Kolya, I plan to kill him."
"That's not -" Kate said but stopped when John stormed over to the door and waved his hand over the sensor.
John didn't wait to hear what she said next. He left the office and slapped the sensor for the transporter. Find Rodney's abandoned stargates and kill Kolya, he told himself. As plans went, it had one important feature going for it. It was simple.
He stormed back to his quarters, changed into a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt and went for another long run.