A day off. I was being forced to take a day off. Three actually. In a row. No scheming, no working, no thinking. If it hadn't been Riza spearheading the whole deal I would have blown a gasket. As it was, I was probably doomed to die of boredom. I'd already re-lived the last season of Doctor Who in my head, spent an hour crying over never seeing Capaldi's Doctor in action, and another hour brainstorming theories over what the hell happened to Gallifrey. And it wasn't even lunch yet.

I wandered through the halls of my mind, bored to pieces, looking for something to entertain me. I ended up in the Alchemy section, going over the various circles that I'd seen but never worked out before. I didn't understand the human transmutation circle for one. Don't get me wrong, I know what it does. Not fucking stupid. But I didn't know how it did it. Probably a good thing in the end. There was also the weird herbology-style alchemy that those guys pretending to be Edward and Alphonse used in the first series. But I didn't feel like having to weed a garden out of my living room if things went wrong. Or right, really depends on your point of view. Then there's Mustangs fire alchemy. Oh, I want that. I want it bad. But I couldn't ever use it.

To use it would be to admit that I had gone behind his back, and stolen his personal brand of alchemy from him. His alchemy defined him, empowered him, enabled him. It was key to his personality, and his way of life. To steal that from him, even in a small way he may never find out about, rankled me. I would always have the information on file. I would always have the option of going back to study it. But, for now, I would have to deal with just finding my own kickass way of fighting using alchemy. But I'm shit at creativity a lot of the time. So it's a good thing I've archived most of the pop culture in existence. I'm sure Television has something for me to use.

First to start is Avengers. Hammer? No, I'm a wimp with ridiculously skinny arms. Arc Reactor? No, can't even begin to fathom that shit. Super soldier serum? No, again, no idea how. Not to mention I would look ridiculous if I was that buff. Gamma radiation? Definitely not. Not fucking with that shit under any circumstances. Plus, not the most versatile of weapons. Or stealthiest.

Supernatural maybe? Yeah, no. Rock salt and holy water wouldn't do shit here.

Star Trek? Phasers are cool. But I have a gun anyway, soooo... File the transporter away for later perusal.

Harry Potter? This sort of is magic...I could put circles on a stick and wave it around like a wand but that really won't do me much good. Well, it'd make me look psychotic, but I can manage that well enough on my own, anyway.

Eragon? Well, Inheritance Cycle if you're being specific. That's a no as well. No ancient language, no conceivable way to make one. Also, no way to make dragons. Well, chimeras...shelve that thought for later. Just make sure there are no humans in the mix. Like, ever. Maybe mix in a cat, just for the brain. Those things are always clever. Then again, I like kitties…

Artemis Fowl? Ooooh, lots of potential there. Lots and lots of tech. Most of it was impossible really, but with alchemy... maybe. Bio bombs would always be an utter last resort. Not touching those yet. Blue rinses freak me out. The concept of them at least.

Percy Jackson? I could have a pen turn into a weapon using a transmutation, but conservation of matter, or equivalent exchange as it's called here, would give me a shit weapon unless I had a philosopher's stone, and that shit isn't happening.

Abhorsen? Necromancers and dead people everywhere. Not really what I want to add to this anime thanks. But the bells with each tone being of different abilities was a neat idea...using the sound as a weapon...sound?

Sonic Screwdriver. I still had that on my list of 'shit to build'. I could research a 'weapon setting' today, and build the whole thing tomorrow. Well, I could buy the materials, and then start. I'd need food too. I had no food. I mean nothing. The only thing in my fridge was half a case of beer that Jean hadn't finished off before he left, and two carrots. The carrots had been bought orange. They were green when I last looked. If I give them a sufficient electrical shock they may come alive. But I have enough fucking homunculi to deal with, thank you, those carrots can fucking stay dead.

I swung the door to my apartment open, shopping bags hanging perilously from my arms.

"Lucy, I'm home!"

"I always thought you lived alone?"

I dropped my bags with an undignified shriek, hand going to my gun in my panic. Or, where my gun should be at least. I didn't carry it when I was off duty and dressed like a civilian. The person who scared the ever-living shit out of me stepped into the light. Jean Havoc grinned at me, civilian button-up and blue jeans looking out of place on him.

"Miss me?"

I threw the closest textbook at him, forcing him to duck.

"You didn't even bother to tell me you were leaving! I marched into Mustang's office to offer to take the state exam so your treatment would be accepted as medically viable, but noooo, you just had to fucking skip town!"

It occurred to me then, that he hadn't contacted me since he left. What was he doing here?

I narrowed my eyes, examining him, looking for flaws in a disguise, examining the pulse even though he was too far away to definitively rule out Envy's insidious brand of nonsense.

"What was the first thing I ever said to you?"

He took my suspicion in metaphorical stride, rolling his eyes as he remembered the words.

"'Cry Havoc! And let loose the hounds of war.' I still don't understand the reference."

I relaxed slightly, gathering my shopping from the floor where I had dropped it and setting it down on the counter in the kitchen.

"It's a damn shame too, the military regime putting a damper on most of the literary potential of this place. Real bummer. I told Mustang already, you people need a new old guy in charge, this one is broken."

"What, did your country have a better government?"

Fucking duh. At least they weren't actively trying to kill off everyone. I think. I hope. Hmmm, was it better?

"Perhaps. It was a democracy."

"Democracy?"

I paused in putting the groceries away, surely they knew this stuff. Surely. There had to be a theory of it in there somewhere. Then again, if the dimensional differences were taken into account, the whole 'alchemy instead of chemistry' could very well translate to 'Sparta instead of Athens'. Huh. Maybe it was just Jean, he doesn't strike me as the studious type anyway and it had likely been a long time since he'd been in school.

I turned toward him, raising an eyebrow, deciding to test the waters.

"A government, by the people for the people."

Slightly blank expression. Well, might as well step on all the butterflies while I'm at it.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

I let him stew on that, shoving a box of crackers into the cabinet, moving on to the fridge in order to toss him a beer. I was grabbing a soda for myself when he spoke again,

"What's all this about?"

I turned around, popping the top off my soda, and saw him pointing at the mass of wires and small metal pieces that would hopefully end up as my sonic screwdriver. I set the drink down, holding up a small piece of wire to the light, checking the end before putting it back, continuing on to the other pieces.

"This is my baby. The ultimate of all my projects. One of the very legends of my home come to life."

"A legend? Like, a legendary weapon?"

I snorted,

"Yeah, no. This hero doesn't use weapons. He was of the opinion that if you carry no weapons, people see you mean no harm and never hurt you. Nine times out of ten."

"What was he called?"

And wasn't that the kicker? 'Nobody fucking knows!' doesn't really come across as a good answer. Then again, should I tell him? Doctor Who is a part of the other dimension. It's a big part of my coding in some areas. And my references no one understands. It can't hurt, to share this small piece of me, of my past.

"He was called the Doctor. He was...wonderful." I knew I sounded wistful, but what was I going to do about it? It was a TV show, an ideal of what a Hero could truly be. And one I'd never see again, at that.

I put the last piece down, whirling around to face Jean, clapping my hands together,

"Right! Not that I don't love it when you visit, but why are you in my house?"

"This is an apartment."

"Not the fucking point Jean, get with the program here. What's up?"

He shuffled his feet, refusing to look me in the eye and practically radiating embarrassment. "Well, you see, Roy kinda wanted me in town just in case because of some things that have been happening lately, and I can't be seen with him at the moment and it was known before that I hung out with you anyway, so…."

I rolled my eyes, pointing to the living room area.

"You know where the spare blankets are. Couch is yours, it's a pullout bed anyway. Unless I don't come home by 9, then feel free to take the bed because I'm either not coming home or I won't make it past the living room anyway."

I whirled back to face the kitchen, frowning slightly.

"You should have said something before I went shopping. Now who knows what the hell I'll come up with to feed the both of us with what I've got available."

He turned comically pale, stuttering

"D-don't bother. I already ate. On-on the train, yeah. I ate on the train. Um, goodnight!"

He rushed out of the room, slamming the door to the bathroom.

I rolled my eyes, grumbling to myself as I settled back to working on my sonic again.

"The casserole moves one time and suddenly my cooking can't be trusted…"

How was it my fault that Amestris' cooking staples were just slightly to the left of what I was used to?
/

Just a bit of fun to get back into this version of the story. As always, comments give me life.
~TimeLordOfPie