The minutes ticked by painfully. At 4 o'clock on the dot, I blew the whistle and gathered the kids up to go back to the main campground. I was somewhere in between not wanting to wait to talk to Rikki and wanting to wait forever. Finally, we made it to the mess hall and watched the last of the campers disappear through its double doors.
"Let's go somewhere more private," I said.
"Okay. I know a spot," Rikki replied.
We made our way about ten minutes into the dense forest. It was a chore to beat the stray branches and cobwebs away since we were not on a pre-mapped trail. Still, Rikki navigated with smooth expertise, leading me to believe that she had made this same hike a number of times.
We finally got to a small clearing with a fallen tree bisecting its area. Rikki sat on the trunk and motioned for me to have a seat as well. I almost giggled at how out of place the cordial gesture was - it was as if we were about to have tea. The pit in my stomach softened a bit at this notion. I got reminded that, after all, Rikki was a friend. Besides, if anyone would understand my predicament, surely it would be her.
"So," Rikki began, more confidently than I would have thought, "how did you know?"
I'm 99% sure that Rikki is referring to our shared little allergy to water, but neither of us have used any specific language yet. I just need to make sure that we were on the same page.
"Just to clarify, how did I know...what?" I questioned.
Rikki rolled her eyes, "That I'm a mermaid, Claire. How did you find out"
The stomach pit was back.
"I, uh...well uhm I didn't-" I stammered. My mind was racing and I couldn't seem to get words out.
"I know that you're one too," she said.
Okay well at least there's no more ambiguity.
"Right," I began, taking a deep breath to collect myself, "it was the first day we met."
Her eyes widened a bit, as if to say 'wow, it was that obvious?'.
"When we went to the sushi restaurant, you spilled some water at one point. I think some of it got on you and you just looked...really freaked out..."
Rikki furrowed her brow, "That's it? You knew from that?"
"Well, no," I said, "I thought I saw you uh...your fist clench and...you know to dry off and stuff..."
"And you knew from just that?" she said, again sounding unconvinced.
I sighed, knowing that I would have to come clean here. I didn't want to say anything about tricking her by using my own powers to heat up her water. I would feel like I had gaslit her, which I guess I kind of had. Oh well.
"Rikki, I'm really sorry okay?" I started, "I just needed to know, so I...you know..." I made a fist, mimicking the action of heating something up and hoping that she would catch on so I wouldn't have to say it out loud. She did.
"THAT WAS YOU?" she exclaimed, "I WAS TERRIFIED! I THOUGHT MY POWERS WERE GOING CRAZY!"
"I know I know! And I am so so so sorry. I needed to know how you would react to it. I needed to see if I was right."
She calmed down a bit, any residual anger being the result of stubbornness.
"I get why you did it," she said, "but it was just really scary."
I sighed in relief. A few seconds of silence to process everything, and I remembered a question that I should be asking.
"Wait, how do you know about me?" I said, "I mean, what if I just knew your secret but didn't share it?"
"After that little stunt you pulled at the cliff, I had my suspicions," she recounted, "so I followed you one morning."
Shit. So that rustling wasn't a raccoon.
Rikki continued, "I saw you go to the same cliff and dive off, so I followed you. Didn't have any doubts that you were a mermaid after that."
That last sentence made me shudder. I hated that term. I tried to avoid saying or thinking it as much as I could because of how dehumanizing it felt. I've had trouble accepting myself ever since that fateful day, and referring to myself as a mythological being - something inherently nonhuman - didn't help. I hated how I felt permanently detached from normalcy and humanness. There was something wrong with me, and that word felt like a terminal diagnosis.
"Can you not say that?" I asked meekly.
"What? Mermaid?" Rikki said in disbelief, "What the fuck else should I say? I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but I saw you in the water and you're half fucking fish. That sounds like a mermaid to me."
I wanted to curl up in bed and cry.
"No I know," I said, tears beginning to well up, "I just- it really makes me feel- I don't know..."
"Are you crying?" Rikki asked with genuine concern.
"No, I'm-" I began to say right as I felt a tear fall. I wiped it away and continued, "I'm fine."
"No, you're not," Rikki said, inching closer on the log, "What's the matter with being a mermaid? I mean that instantly makes you cooler than literally everyone else."
I let out a chuckle, "Yeah, I suppose...I guess I just haven't seen a ton of the good parts yet. So far, it's only brought problems," I was now fully crying.
"Look, I know the whole secret thing can get tiring, but-" she started.
"It's not just that," I interjected.
Rikki looked solemnly at me and lowered her voice, "Did something happen?"
I held eye contact with just long enough to say yes.
"Right..." she said, "Well listen, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but I'm always here if you need something."
My mood lightened a bit.
I sniffled, "Does that mean we can still be friends?"
Rikki rolled her eyes, "Oh my god of course you dumbass. At this point I think we're kind of forced to be friends anyway."
"You're right," I half-smiled, "and besides, it'll be nice to have at least one person in this hellhole who knows."
We shared a laugh and continued talking. I tried not to think about the cracking of branches I heard after that last statement.