Chapter 17
Shepard and Tali would not be cleared for duty for at least two weeks, however that didn't stop them from reconnecting with their friends. Ash and Kaidan only sustained minor injuries, but both had lost soldiers under their command. The three gathered one night and essentially cried into each other's shoulders before laughingly reminiscing about their fallen comrades. It helped Shepard immensely, especially knowing that she was not alone in her grief.
Jiminez' boyfriend, Tony, arrived at Shepard's domicile one morning, when she saw his face through the peep hole she was terrified, but determined, and opened the door.
"Lieutenant Jane Shepard?" The man asked, his eyes bloodshot from crying.
"Yeah, Jane please. You're Tony, right?" She said. He nodded.
"Can I come in?" He asked.
"Please, want a beer?" She replied. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small plastic disc.
"No thanks, two years sober." He said.
"Oh, water then?" Shepard replied.
"Thanks." he said. She busied herself getting the water for her guest, and shortly after sat down across from him in a chair, adjusting her posture to accommodate her wound.
"So how are you holding up?" Shepard asked. She couldn't think of anything better to ask, and she fully expected a slap in the face, a punch in the gut, hell even a bullet in the head. What she got completely caught her by surprised. He laughed. Not a sarcastic, empty laugh but a genuine one.
"Oh I've been better." he said smiling.
"Sorry, I really don't know what to say in this kind of situation." Shepard admitted, fidgeting with her hands nervously.
"Jane, don't." He said, placing a hand on hers.
"I came here because Captain Anderson told me you blame yourself for his... what happened." He said.
"I was his commanding officer, Tony. I was responsible for him." She said.
"Yes, you were." Tony confirmed. "Tell me, did you shoot him?" he asked.
"No, but." she said but Tony interrupted.
"Did you hold a gun up to his head and pull the trigger, yes or no?" Tony continued.
"No." She said, looking down and squeezing her eyes shut in a vain attempt at stopping the tears from falling. Tony gently lifted her gaze by pushing her chin up.
"Look at me Jane. You. Did. Not. Kill. Luis!" he said. At this she burst out sobbing. This wasn't the desperate, aimless despair crying she did when she'd woken up though. Despite her anguish she could feel her soul purging itself and for the first time she felt she might be able to forgive herself.
"Thank you." She choked out. "God, Thank you so much Tony." She said, standing and pulling him into a hug. He was crying too.
"He had so many stories about you. You know he lost a hundred credits to me betting on you and Tali." He said, laughing through the tears.
"He bet against me?" Shepard said, fake outrage giving way to a watery grin.
"No, he bet Tali would ask you out, not the other way around." He said. This prompted more laughter. They sat for a few hours reminiscing about Jiminez, getting to know each other and explaining what they were planning on doing. Tony had come dangerously close to a relapse as a result, and he was planning on hitting some AA meetings and seeing his therapist, whose contact info he offered to Shepard as they parted. She wasn't "ok" by any means, chances are there was going to be a new standard for "ok" from now on, but this visit had done wonders to heal her heart.
Meanwhile, Tali was visiting her old friend Connie in engineering. As soon as she heard Tali and sworn the oath of service to the alliance, she rushed over to visit her friend dropping a big, heavy book in her lap.
"Keelah what is this?" Tali had said.
"I promised you I'd let you in on our nefarious little secret once you were oath-sworn, right?" She said grinning. "Keep it, I have my old copy from engineering school. Just make sure no civilians get their hands on it. This stuff is a military top secret for good reason, as you'll soon find out." Connie said. Looking down at the book which was really more of a giant spiral bound report with more than a thousand detachable loose-leaf pages with a title clearly thought up by a military engineer; "Transport of inorganic material through quantum tunnels." Tali's eyes lit up as she read it, and Connie was hardly surprised when their visit was cut short because the Quarian couldn't wait to tear into it.
"Read through it, I'm sure we'll have plenty to talk about?" She grinned, excited that she could finally geek out about her favorite subjects fully with her friend. Five minutes after walking away, Tali cocked her head to the side and muttered "Ok, thanks Connie, See you later."
It was an extremely dry technical document full of charts, graphs and detailed equations and Tali was absolutely spellbound. She devoured the tome reading twice all the way through in a row and found herself with more questions than answers. This was proof of a good scientific mind when encountering good science. Always more questions, Always thinking, always analyzing, always moving forward.
She discovered, in laymans terms, that having access to not necessarily limitless but incredibly excessive amounts of energy allows you to do some crazy things, like say for example creating quantum tunnels between factories in orbit around Sol that harness ungodly amounts of solar energy to produce and transport vast amounts of antimatter, materials and even water and foodstuffs if necessary over light years instantaneously. This was Humanity's big secret, and how their amazing antimatter technology was able to exist. They didn't need to safely transport gargantuan amounts antimatter fuel from one place to another with FTL drive ships, they could simply deploy a depot attached to the other end of a quantum tunnel and pump it in through the hull.
Tali was shocked at the implications and understood immediately why great pains had been taken to ensure that this technology never made it into the wrong hands. While the Alliance was using it to move supplies to their outposts it could theoretically be used to open the exit tunnel inside the atmosphere of an enemy planet and spray the surface with gallons upon gallons of antimatter, annihilating it in moments. She was pleased, then when she found out that while not publicly declared, internally amongst the Human government, heads of the scientific community and later their Quarian counterparts brought into the know had all agreed and signed a treaty to never even in cases of dire need, directly weaponize their antimatter delivery technology. It was the equivalent of a constitutional amendment, without being publicized and taught to grade-schoolers.
This revelation lead before the attack, but especially after it, during their recovery, to Tali visiting and debating her friend Connie extensively while Shepard healed. She was glad that her girlfriend was socializing, but she was beginning to feel somewhat neglected. Sure she could be with her friends, but the one she really wanted to spend time with was currently in Engineering chatting with her nerd friends.
One day Shepard had fallen asleep watching the news, and Tali slipped out to go to her normal haunt, but on the way she was intercepted by Ashley.
"Tali I need to talk to you about something really important." Ashley said
"Oh Hi Ash, what's up?" Tali said.
"She's too polite to say it, but thankfully I'm anything but, and also happy to intrude and interfere with my friends' lives." She said, injecting a small bit of humor into the serious subject.
"What's wrong with Shepard? She just went to sleep did she call you?" Tali asked.
"No she's fine as far as I know, but I think she's feeling a little neglected." Ash said.
"What?!" Tali asked.
"You've been spending a lot of time in Engineering hanging out in engineering." Ash said.
"So?" Tali asked.
"So, next week you and Shepard are going to get reassigned. Even if you're assigned to the same ship, you're not going to have a whole lot of time for yourselves. This could be the last chance you have to be together for a while. That and... she's hurting." Ash added.
"Keelah, I didn't know, she kept urging me to go and be more social." She said.
"Yeah, I don't doubt that for a second, but you have to remember, Shepard is great at taking care of her friends and loved ones, but she's absolute ass at taking care of herself. You need to read between the lines sometimes." ash added, patting her on the shoulder.
"Right. You're right Ash, thank you for telling me." Tali said sincerely.
"No prob, kid. Go do something nice for her, you know what they say, Time heals all wounds. And ice cream. Time and ice cream.'" She said, waving as she continued on her way.
Tali turned and crossed the street. She'd return home but wanted to pick up Shepard's favorite kind of ice cream. She also wanted to stop at the Med center, her order had to be there by now.
When Shepard awoke, she expected to be alone, and sure enough she was. She sighed, and got up, making her way to the bathroom. When she was finished washing her hands she heard a light thump from the other room. Perhaps she wasn't as alone as she thought.
"I'm in the bathroom, Tali." She yelled.
"OK, come see me in my room when you have a second please." she yelled back. Shepard shrugged, dried off her hands and walked over. She opened the door and looked in, but Tali wasn't there. Curiously, she stepped in and looked around still not seeing the young Quarian.
"What's going on?" She asked, slight concern creeping into her voice.
"Jane." Tali said from behind her. She spun around only to be met for the second time by the most beautiful thing in her world.
"I'm sorry, Jane. I haven't been a very good girlfriend." Tali said walking into the full light of the room. She had shed her entire suit, and was wearing a loose, silk robe that left very little to the imagination.
"Jesus." Shepard said.
"No, it's Tali." She replied, giggling gently. Once again, that beautiful angelic sound filling Shepard with warmth.
"Aren't you.. Immuno boosters?" She said. Tali nodded, then slowly walked up to shepard caressing her face with her naked three-fingered hand.
"Keelah your skin is so soft." She observed. She jumped when Shepard reached up and grabbed her hand, holding it where it was. "And warm." She continued. She marveled as she took in her lover with all of her senses unhindered by the suit. The heat coming off her skin, the smell of hand soap, shampoo and just an essence of something else that was just Shepard. The sound of her voice without processing, she felt like she was falling into a void of happiness and love and she never wanted to get out.
"Tali, My god you're so beautiful." Shepard said, peppering the hand still clutched in hers with kisses. Tali smiled
"The night we came home, when you were sleeping on the couch. I woke up when you got up to use the bathroom, I heard what you said." She said. A blush crept up shepard's face. "It was the greatest and most beautiful thing I have ever heard." She said, leaning in, her mouth close enough to Shepard's ear that she could feel her breath. "I love you too, Jane Shepard." Tali said, moving in to kiss her.
For not the first time in the last few weeks, Shepard was reduced to tears, but this time it was for all of the right reasons. She was overwhelmed with love, and joy, it was as though her whole point of being thrust into life in this galaxy was to hear the words that just came out of her lover's mouth. She put the entirety of this feeling into kissing Tali, hoping beyond hope that she could convey even a fraction of the love and gratitude she felt.
When they came up for breath Shepard whispered to Tali, "I don't deserve you, but I love you."
Tali responded with a smile. "If anyone in this galaxy deserves my love and devotion, it's you Jane." They stood like that for a minute before Tali stepped back slightly from Shepard. Before she could ask what was going on, Tali shrugged the silk robe off her body, exposing herself fully for the first time.
Shepard's heart nearly stopped at that moment as she took in the whole, nude form of her beloved for the first time. She marveled, much like Tali must have, at the similarities between their species. Tali had small pale lavender breasts with dark purple nipples, and seemed to entirely lack any body hair below the neck. Instead, there were the same faint lines that connected her the subdermal implants on her face leading to others throughout her body. Her skin was uniform in texture and complexion except for her vulva which was a slightly darker shade of lavender. Her nudity made her extremely curvaceous figure stand out even more, as Shepard's hands were involuntarily drawn to her ample hips.
"Jane. I've never done this before." She said.
"Tali we don't have to do anything you're not ready for." Shepard said, sincerity winning the battle over lust in her eyes. She truly meant that and would stop right now without a second word.
"No, I want this, but I'm scared. Just... Just go slow, ok?" Tali said.
"Anything. I want this too. I want you. So badly." She said.
"Show me." Tali replied, as they slowly lowered to the bed together, locked at the lips, fighting to remove Shepard's clothes.
Hours later, her chest aching but in every other way happy and satisfied beyond words, Shepard looked over at her lover as she started putting her suit back on.
"Oh I see how it is. Love 'em and leave 'em, right? You're all the same.." Shepard playfully griped. Tali chuckled but it quickly turned into a cough.
"Shit let's get you back in there." Shepard said, getting up and helping Tali back into her suit. "Are you ok?"
I think we might have tested the limits of that immuno booster a little more than it was designed for. It's ok, I expected to be a little sick after. She said. As jane went to reattach the mask, Tali stopped her, going in for one last kiss. "It was worth it. I love you, so so much Jane." She said.
"I love you too." Shepard responded before putting the mask in place. "No go drink some water, I need to go take a shower, someone got me all gross and sweaty." She said waggling her eyebrows at Tali.
"Ooh, want some company?" She retorted before coughing again.
"Nah I think if we do that we'll never come out. Seriously, though. Fluids, ok Tali?" She said and Tali nodded. Shepard headed to the bathroom and disrobed again, this time stepping into the shower. As the hot water ran over her body she couldn't help but fall into blissful memory of the last couple of hours. Shepard had had sex plenty of times in the past, with a few different women, but it was never anything like this. Before it had been all about getting off, scratching an itch, but with this, the journey was more important than the destination, and she looked forward to going on that journey as much as possible. God she never realized how sappy being in love would make her, but she wouldn't trade it for everything.
She turned off the shower and dried off, getting into a t-shirt and a pair of sweats, given what they'd just spent hours doing she felt she could forego the bra. When she walked into the living room, her bliss turned to horror as she saw tali hunched over grasping the table for support, clutching her throat.
"Tali!" She yelled.
"Jane! Hospital! Now! Please!" she managed between coughs. Shepard pressed a button on the wall in the kitchen, grabbed the empty immuno booster vial from the kitchen table, then picked up Tali and carried her out the door where an emergency transport was already waiting.
Thankfully living on a space station means the distance between any given location and the nearest medical center was limited. It took less than two minutes to arrive at the hospital, and since Shepard was there to help calm her down, Tali's suit had enough time to catch up and administer the Quarian equivalent of epinephrine, easing her breathing. Despite her insistence that she could walk, Shepard insisted on carrying her into the hospital where she was seen immediately, since there were no other patients around at the time.
She was placed in an ICU room and immediately set upon by a group of mixed human and quarian doctors, Shepard was ushered outside.
"So what can you tell us about Ensign Zorah's condition?" A Quarian nurse asked her.
"She used an immuno booster and got out of her suit. We... Um.." She hesitated.
"Sweetheart there are a lot of mixed species relationships going on, there's no need to be embarrassed. Approximately how long were you two having sex?"
"Three hours." The nurse nodded and jotted it down.
"This is important, and I need you to be honest. During the course of your encounter, did she ingest any fluids?" the nurse asked. Shepard's face blushed crimson but she nodded.
"Ok, I'm sorry hon, but we have to ask. After she got back into the suit what happened?" She inquired.
"I got into the shower and I told her to drink some fluids since she'd started coughing, She had mentioned she might have overtaxed the immuno boosters." Shepard said, she then handed the empty vial to her.
"Ok, I'll go give this to the doctors, just sit right there and we'll let you know when we have some news. Good thinking grabbing this on the way out." the nurse said gesturing to the vial.
The next hour of Shepard's life was utterly agonizing. She sat there running through every horrible scenario in her mind, of the nurse coming out and saying "Sorry you didn't get here in time" or "There was nothing we could do." or of her having to tell Admiral Zorah how she'd accidentally fucked his precious daughter to death. Her fatalism was proven pointless however as after an hour Tali walked out unassisted while holding a list of instructions in one hand and a prescription pill bottle in the other.
"Tali!" Shepard said, probably louder than is necessary in the small hospital waiting room.
"Jane, I'm so sorry I scared you." She said reaching out for a hug.
"No don't be I'm sorry, I almost fucked you to death." Jane said, immediately regretting saying it out loud as the human receptionist and a Quarian nurse and doctor that followed Tali out began laughing.
"Thanks for that Jane." Tali said swatting her arm.
"So we told Ensign Zorah and because she authorized it we'll tell you too. She suffered an accute allergic reaction, similar to your anaphylactic shock, not as a result of you however, it turns out the immuno boosters she had were manufactured with a specific stabilizer that we now know she is allergic to. We have alternatives on hand, and are sending you home with them along with another little present the Ensign will read about once you guys get home." The doctor said.
"Now I know it says it on the instructions but let me reiterate, you are to stay inside the suit for two days, that's 48 station hours. If you two decide to go at it again make sure it stays above the suit." he reiterated, loving every minute of Shepard and Tali's misery.
"Aside from that you're free to go. We'll obviously keep your names out of it but we're going to circulate a memo around the station warning Quarians to test for allergies to this compound to keep everyone safe."
"Thanks for everything except the embarassment." Shepard said. The doctors laughed and waved them out, while Shepard summoned transportation.
"I really am sorry about scaring you like that." Tali repeated.
"It's ok, It wasn't either of our faults it turns out." Shepard said. Tali looked down and noticed that Shepard's lack of bra was becoming apparent due to the cool night time temperature of the station. She made sure nobody was around before leaning in and huskily saying "I can't wait until this 48 hours is over, so you can go back to 'fucking me to death.'" She said as she reached up and gently pinched one of Shepard's nipples.
"Eep" she squealed as she reached back and pinched Tali's behind. They both dissolved into a fit of giggles as the transport arrived to take them home. They arrived quickly enough and settled down in front of the vidscreen to watch a suitably sappy romance vid. They ordered sushi and just enjoyed each other's company for the remainder of the night. As the clock struck ten, Shepard and tali both decided to call it a night. They both hugged, cursed their inability to get a goodnight kiss, and Tali broke off to go back to her room when Shepard stopped her.
"Tali. I mean if we're sleeping together, why don't we, you know, sleep together." She said. Tali smiled under her helmet and begged off to go grab a few things that she needed. Moments later they were cuddled together under the covers. Shepard deactivated the lights with a voice command and before drifting off said "I love you Tali." Tali responded in kind and they both went to sleep.