Chapter 6: Reflections
The alarm clock blinks 7:15 AM. I stir, eyes fluttering open as the familiar routine starts. My mornings are different now—no longer the chaotic rush of the SVU days but a structured, stable pattern I've established.
As I lie there, the inevitable thought of Olivia Benson creeps in. How many times today will it be? I wonder. I let myself feel the pang for a moment, the familiar blend of longing and regret washing over me. I know better than to suppress it. Experience has taught me that bottling up emotions only leads to eruptions my family doesn't deserve to face again.
With a resigned sigh, I rise and make my way to the bathroom. The shower is a part of my ritual. I let the warm water cascade over me, each droplet a small comfort. Once dressed, I move to the kitchen, the routine of making breakfast a comforting normalcy. Eggs, toast, coffee—the same as every other day.
By 8:00 AM, I'm in my car, heading to work. As I drive, my mind wanders back to Olivia again. Earlier, the photo of us on my dresser had been the first trigger. A payment's reminder for the storage unit with her things was the second and now, the radio is playing a Taylor Swift song. I chuckle, recalling how Olivia tried to hide her Swiftie tendencies, only to fail miserably. I teased her mercilessly about it, using her love for a singer from Maureen's generation to lighten the heavy days. The memory brings a rare smile to my lips.
Pulling into the parking lot of the Organization for Moving Beyond (OMB) at 8:35 AM, I feel a sense of purpose. This organization is my lifeline, the reason I'm even functioning. I created OMB not just to keep myself busy, but as a tribute to Olivia. The thought of the initials (OMB—Olivia Margaret Benson) fills me with bittersweet pride. I wish I could show it to her, tell her about the lives we're changing.
The organization provides resources and support to help individuals move beyond past traumas and challenges. It offers counseling, career development programs, and life skills to empower people. On the other hand, it also takes legal measures, pursuing civil and criminal lawsuits to bring justice to those who need it most.
I entered the building, greeted by the quiet hum of early morning activity. I prefer to arrive early, setting the tone for the day. The staff greets me warmly, and I respond in kind, their camaraderie a small but vital part of my new normal.
Sitting at my desk, I glance at the framed photos—my kids, my grandkids, and one of Olivia and me from years ago. I wonder what she would think of the work I'm doing now. Would she be proud? Would she understand that this is my way of coping, of trying to do something she would have done?
But then, reality crashes back. Olivia is gone. Lost with that damn plane. I grip the edge of my desk, feeling the familiar surge of pain. The plane's disappearance had ripped another hole in my world, and nothing could fill it. I sigh, pushing the thoughts aside as I focus on the day ahead.
OMB HEADQUARTERS - ELLIOT'S OFFICE - MORNING
The clock on the wall ticks to 9:00 AM. I sit at my desk, organizing my notes when my secretary, Grace, enters with my schedule for the day.
"Morning, Mr. Stabler. Here's your schedule for the day."
"Thanks, Grace. What do we have today?"
Grace hands me a neatly printed itinerary. I read it, noting the various meetings and tasks lined up.
SCHEDULE
9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Meeting with Counseling Department
10:15 AM - 11:15 AM: Meeting with Career Services Department
11:30 AM - 12:30 PM: Meeting with Legal Aid Department
12:30 PM - 1:30 PM: Lunch and Case Review
1:30 PM - 2:30 PM: Individual Case Review
2:30 PM - 3:30 PM: Departmental Check-in (HR, IT, Facilities)
3:30 PM - 4:30 PM: Finalizing Reports and Emails
4:30 PM - 5:00 PM: Preparing for Tomorrow's Meeting
ELLIOT (V.O.) Full day. Let's get started.
OMB HEADQUARTERS - COUNSELING DEPARTMENT MEETING ROOM - MORNING
I enter the room, greeted by the Counseling Department team. The department manager, Sarah, stands ready to present.
"Morning, everyone. Let's get to it."
"Morning, Elliot. We need to discuss our staffing. We're short on specialists, especially those trained in children's trauma and substance abuse."
"I agree. Let's consult with Human Services and get more people on board. We need specialists who can handle a wide range of trauma experiences."
"Absolutely. We also need to address the workload distribution. Some of our counselors are stretched too thin."
"Let's set up a system where we can monitor and manage the caseload better. We can't afford to burn out our staff. We can hire interns from NYU for now."
"Understood. I'll coordinate with Human Services and get the ball rolling."
ELLIOT (V.O.) Liv would be proud of this. Of me.
OMB HEADQUARTERS - CAREER SERVICES DEPARTMENT MEETING ROOM - MORNING
I sit with the Career Services team. The manager, Michael, begins the discussion.
"We've established some strong partnerships with local firms, other organizations, and universities. Our survivors are getting good opportunities."
"Great to hear. How are we tracking their progress?"
"We're implementing a new system to monitor their work or education status. We need to ensure they're not just placed but also supported."
"Exactly. Let's also look into expanding our network. More partnerships mean more opportunities."
"Agreed. We're on it."
ELLIOT (V.O.) Making progress, one step at a time. Just like we used to, Liv.
OMB HEADQUARTERS - LEGAL AID DEPARTMENT MEETING ROOM - MORNING
I join the Legal Aid team, led by Carla.
"Morning, Elliot. We have several survivors in Bronx and Manhattan looking to sue, both civilly and criminally."
"Good. They deserve justice. What's our strategy?"
"We're focusing on building strong cases with the DAs' offices. The suits in progress are looking promising, but we need more resources."
"I will contact Bronx and Manhattan's SVU personally. Make a list of what else you need. I don't want the victims to have had to go through a trial to ending up not getting some forms of Justice."
"Will do. We also need to discuss long-term support for these survivors."
"Absolutely. Let's ensure they have continuous support throughout the process."
OMB HEADQUARTERS - ELLIOT'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
I review some of the cases in between meetings. One file catches my eye. A 31-year-old woman assaulted by her 38-year-old neighbor. Vodka, drugs, cigarettes. The survivor was saved within a day thanks to another neighbor.
ELLIOT (V.O.) Olivia. God, this is way too familiar to what happened to you. I failed you. I wasn't there when you needed me. I abandoned you, left you to face that monster alone.
I remember the deep dive the news did into the passengers after the plane disappeared. That's how I learned about what Olivia went through, and that Alex Cabot was also on that plane. I wonder if they went to Jamaica together, Alex supporting her friend.
ELLIOT (V.O.) I should have been there. You trusted me, and I let you down.
Just then, my phone rings. It's Kathleen.
"Kathleen?"
"Hey, Dad. Just checking in on you."
"I'm good, sweetheart. How are you?"
"Busy as always. Just wanted to hear your voice."
ELLIOT (V.O.) Kathleen, always my grounding force. After everything that happened, she worries about me the most.
"Thanks, Kathleen. It means a lot."
We talk for a few more minutes, Kathleen's concern and love pulling me out of the dark cloud.
ELLIOT (V.O.) Back to work.
OMB HEADQUARTERS - PARKING LOT - EVENING
I'm leaving the office, ready to head home when my phone rings. My second phone. The one I keep charged to listen to Olivia's voice messages; the ones she left me back when I disappeared from her life ten years ago.
I hesitate, then answer.
"Hello?"
A familiar voice on the other end.
"Elliot?"
Her voice, pulling me from the depths of despair. I feel a rush of emotions – utter joy, complete relief, deep desperation.
"Liv? Is that really you?"
"Yeah, it's me. I'm back."
The world stops. Time stands still. I grip the edge of my car to steady myself as my knees weaken, the reality of her words hitting me like a tidal wave.
At the end of our conversation, I hung up, my mind spinning, my heart racing. I feel like I'm in a dream, the kind where I'm afraid to wake up and find it was all an illusion. I rush to my car, fumbling with my keys, my hands shaking uncontrollably.
ELLIOT (V.O.) She's back. After all these years, she's back. My God, Olivia, you're really back.
ELLIOT'S CAR - EVENING
I drive to the airport, my knuckles white as I grip the steering wheel. The desperation I feel is overwhelming, a raw, insatiable yearning for Olivia. Traffic moves agonizingly slow, and I fight the urge to honk, to scream, to do anything to speed up my journey.
ELLIOT (V.O.) I need to get to her. Now. God, please don't let this be a dream. Please don't let this be a cruel joke.
I grip the steering wheel tightly, my knuckles turning white. My mind is a whirlpool of memories and emotions. I remember the last time I saw her, the pain in her eyes when I walked away. I recall the endless nights of guilt and regret, the desperate search for any news of her after the plane disappeared.
My thoughts are a chaotic mix of memories and emotions. Every red light feels like a personal affront, every slow-moving car an enemy.
JFK AIRPORT
I finally reach the airport, parking my car hastily in the general area. I rush inside, my desperation growing with every step. I approach a staff member, asking him information about the flight 828. She goes to contact her supervisor, who comes soon after and guide to small conference room.
"Sir, please wait here. I'll get someone who can assist you."
Every second feels like an hour. A man that introduced himself as a FBI agent arrives shortly, and I practically shove my ID into the agent's hands after he asks for it.
"Mr. Stabler, please follow me."
I follow the agent, my heart pounding in my chest. He gives me directions to a more secure parking area, and I park my car again. I am then led to a security check point with relentless steps; and each step bringing a new wave of anxiety.
"How many children do you have?"
"Five."
"When did you enlist in the Marines?"
"1983."
"When did you graduate from the academy?"
"1986."
My answers are automatic, my mind solely focused on reaching Olivia.
ELLIOT (V.O.) Just a little longer, Liv. I'm almost there. Please, God, don't let them take her away again.
SECURE AREA
Finally, I'm led to a secure area where another agent takes my print. The process feels endless, a cruel delay in reuniting with her.
ELLIOT (V.O.) Almost there. Just a little more. I can't lose her again.
Then, I see her. Olivia. She looks almost the same, her eyes wide with the same mixture of hope and disbelief I feel. I feel a rush of desperation, joy, and an overwhelming need to touch her, to hold her.
We embrace, and I feel like I'm finally whole again. The world around us fades away. I hold her tightly, feeling her warmth, her reality. I don't want to let go, afraid that if I do, she'll vanish again.
I reunite with Alex and meet Arthur, feeling a brief moment of happiness that Alex is also alive. But my focus is entirely on Olivia. Every word, every breath, she is here, she is real.
ELLIOT (V.O.) I can't believe this. You're back. You're really back. I've missed you so much.
FBI agents approach us with forms. I fill them out mechanically, my mind still reeling. The forms blur in front of me, my thoughts consumed by Olivia's presence.
After filling in the forms, we are ushered out. I exchange numbers with Arthur, then watch him leave with Alex. I hold Olivia's hand, leading her to my car. I open the door for her, then sit in the driver's seat, and hold her hand again.
ELLIOT (V.O.) I'm never letting you go again, Liv. Never.
We drive away from the airport, and Olivia asks about my family.
I take a deep breath, my eyes flicking between the road and her.
"The kids are well. All grown up now. Maureen even made me a grandfather at the beginning of this year. The twins are Covid babies."
"Covid babies?"
I chuckle, the sound genuine despite the overwhelming emotions.
"Yeah, those babies that were born this last year. A lot of people had a lot of time on their hands. I'll explain later."
"Well, congratulations, Grandpa. I can't believe it. You, a grandpa."
My smile widens, a genuine warmth in my expression.
"I know, right? Sometimes I can't believe it myself. Feels like just yesterday they were all kids. And Kathy... Kathy is fine. Happier than ever, actually."
"Happier than ever? I'm glad she's well, but..."
I sigh, understanding her unspoken question.
"We're not together anymore. Kathy found happiness in her second act. She's... moved on. She's with someone else now, and she's truly happy."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's better for both of us. It was hard, but it was the right thing to do. I'm just happy I didn't totally ruin her life."
"It sounds like you're at peace with it."
I nod, feeling the truth of her words.
"Yeah, I am. I've come to terms with it. Kathy and I... we had our time, and now she's got a new chapter. I'm glad for her."
Olivia squeezes my hand, offering silent support.
"I'm glad you both found some peace."
I give her a grateful smile, glancing at her.
"I wouldn't have said that about myself this morning, but now? Yeah, I found peace, Liv."
She acts as if she doesn't understand what I mean and I decide to not push her. We drive in silence for a bit longer until we pull into the parking space of my building.
"This isn't Queens."
I grin as we get out of the car.
"After the divorce, I moved around a bit. Lived in two places before finding this apartment."
My tone darkens slightly when mentioning the other two places. The second place I moved into after the divorce was alright, but I never really felt good living there; but it is still the place where I came up with the idea of the organization and was able to really work on myself. The first place, however… well, let's just say it was not built with the idea of people living there long-term.
We enter the elevator, and I press the button for the fourth floor. Olivia's playful comment brings a smile to my face.
"Expensive suit, modern car, and a nice apartment. Did you win the lottery?"
"Something like that."
ELLIOT (V.O.) She doesn't know half of it. How would she feel about the lawsuit? Will she understand?
I stop in front of my apartment, opening the door to reveal the impressive space.
ELLIOT (V.O.) Did she notice the apartment number? That was the decisive element that made me buy it.
"Welcome to your mansion, ma'am."
"It's smaller than my castle, but it will do."
I start giving Olivia the tour, still holding her hand. I show her the master bedroom, feeling a sense of pride in the space Lizzie decorated for me.
We move on to the second bedroom, set up as a teenager's room. I pause at the door.
"This is Elli's room. He stays here when he's with me."
We move on to the third bedroom, which has a more neutral decor. I explain its purpose with a playful smile. The room is welcoming, and Olivia laughs with me, sharing a light moment amid the chaos of our situation.
"When Elli goes to college in a few years, I hope that the two extra rooms will be filled with my grandchildren. Adding to the two I already have, of course, whenever their parents want to use me as a babysitter."
"You've got it all planned out."
"Exactly, for now, the room and I will make do with you."
Olivia laughs again, the sound bringing me joy.
"Oh, I hope I'll be enough."
My expression turns serious, my eyes locking onto hers.
"You were always enough."
I sense that Olivia is feeling a bit awkward, try to escape.
"I'd really like to take a shower."
I look at her warmly and nod.
"Make yourself at home. Take your time. I'll see you in the living room after you're done."
I close the door gently behind me, feeling a strange mix of emotions.
ELLIOT (V.O.) She's here. She's really here.
ELLIOT'S LIVING ROOM
I set up dinner, my mind still reeling from Olivia's return. I want everything to be perfect, to give her a sense of normalcy.
ELLIOT (V.O.) She needs this. I will be able to help now.
Things got awkward when I brought her some clothes she could change into. But it was worth it, just to see her that way.
Later, Olivia emerges, wearing my old NYPD shirt and a pair of sweatpants. She looks both vulnerable and strong, she always looked that way to me.
"Sit in the living room; you can watch the TV. I'll bring the food over."
We have a little banter, then I go to meet her on the couch. I hand her a plate and sit down next to her, navigating the remote with ease.
"Okay, let's get you caught up on the news. You know, since you've been living under a rock for the past eight years."
Olivia laughs, shaking her head.
"Yeah, because being in a time warp is totally the same as being under a rock."
I grin, feeling the lightness of the moment.
"Close enough."
The news comes on, and we listen to the report about Montego Air Flight 828. I feel a mix of disbelief and awe as the story unfolds.