AN: here's the next chapter, sorry for the longer wait again. I'll try to post once every two weeks from now on.

Let's see how the talk goes between Edward and Bella :)

Chapter 14

BPOV

I didn't have to wait long for Edward to arrive. Only twenty minutes after I sat down in the meadow, I heard someone approaching at great speed. A few moments later, Edward appeared at the edge of the clearing.

'Bella' he exclaimed, seemingly shocked.

'Edward' I greeted him back.

'You're actually here.' He was definitely surprised it seemed.

'Yes.' I confirmed the obvious.

'I'm sorry. I just… I thought it would be a lot harder to find you.' he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

'I said we would talk.' I reminded him.

Did he really think I would just disappear after telling him we'd talk later? Did he trust me that little? That stung a bit.

'I know. And I'm glad you were willing to give me a chance.' He let out a harsh breath. 'Bella… I need you to know that I'm so sorry for how I acted.'

He dropped down to his knees in front of me. I stared at him in shock. 'What?'

'I admit everything you said threw me off guard and I was also a bit scared and I was angry that you lied to me. But the way I behaved was abysmal. I acted like a child. I'm 109, I should know better. Yet I acted like those entitled high schoolers that I disdain so much. I can't believe I did that to you.'

I looked at him in surprise. I had indeed felt he was acting like a child, but I hadn't expected him to have this much self-awareness. I had been prepared for an entirely different talk. I wasn't sure what to do. Did this mean that he was willing to overlook everything that happened between us? Did that mean he didn't fear me?

'I can't tell you that I've forgiven you completely for lying to all of us, but I can understand why you did it. I can't tell you I'm completely over the fact that you're the oldest vampire in existence either yet. I admit it still scares me a bit. But I know what I'm feeling isn't something I want to ignore.'

It was silent for a moment as we regarded each other. I wasn't sure if he was mature enough to handle being with me, but he was mature enough to own up to his mistakes. I wasn't sure if his fear was something we could overcome, but he was willing to give it a shot. It seemed he had thought everything through. This wasn't a spur of the moment confession.

He'd had time to consider everything I'd told him and his conclusion was that his behaviour had been wrong and that he wasn't willing to let this potential mate bond go to waste. But what did I want?

'I appreciate you took the time to think about what happened.' I told him earnestly. 'but I need you to understand what it means to be with me. Truly be with me.'

'I do understand now.' he interjected, but I held up my hand.

'No. It means leaving your family behind. It means joining me on missions where I have to be ruthless. It means holding your tongue when I am doing what needs to be done. Even if you disagree with it. I protect the balance of this world. That is what I live for. And sometimes that calls for ruthlessness. I've killed children, I've killed women, even the elderly at times. No one is safe if I've judged them to be a danger to this world. And if you're by my side, you'll be part of that.'

He bit his lip.

'I need you to understand what you're signing up for.' I continued. 'because I will never be able to stop being Isabella the First. That will always be who I am.'

'I know-' Again I held up my hand.

'Sam's hatred of vampires is one of the things I had to solve. You knew he hated vampires, yet you deliberately antagonized him. Instead of deescalating the situation you escalated it further.'

'I didn't mean to…' he protested. 'He kept refusing to let me know where you were.'

'Sam didn't know where I was. I wasn't on the reservation.'

Edward frowned. Before he could argue further I continued.

'I knew Sam had to be dealt with and after nearly attacking you, I wanted to kill him. But that would mean killing his imprint. So I took away his ability to shift. I took away his direct connection to his ancestors. I had to be ruthless yet fair and I need you to understand that that is how my world works. I can't let my personal feelings get in the way. If you're with me, you need to be able to do that too. You can't let your personal feelings get in the way.'

'I won't.' he immediately said, but his voice cracked, like he wasn't sure.

I shook my head. 'I want you to think about this, Edward. I'm not asking you to do this lightly. I want you to really think about what you'll be given up to be with me.'

He closed his eyes for a moment, my words finally seemed to be sinking it. It felt odd to try to convince him to not want to be with me. I wanted to beg him not to fear me and to give me a chance, but that wasn't fair if he didn't know what he was signing up for. he needed to understand the entire picture. My life was harsh and if he wanted to be a part of it, it was only fair that he knew exactly what that entailed.

He stood up and came to stand in front of me. He gazed into my eyes for a moment. The moonlight peeking through the clouds was glinting off his skin, giving him a beautiful glow. His hand slowly reached up an cupped my cheek. Our gazes locked at the familiar spark ran through us both.

He leant closer slowly and I held my breath. Surely he wouldn't….

He would.

His lips touched mine, gently, softly. My eyes closed of their own volition. His lips moved against mine as sparks flew between us. My hands moved up and wrapped around his neck as I pulled him closer to me, at the same time his arm wrapped firmly around my middle and he pulled me closer to him. We kissed for a moment longer before he slowly pulled back.

For a moment we stared at each other. 'That is enough for me.' he finally muttered.

I bit my lip. 'Edward.' I tried to reason with him.

'You can't tell me that you felt nothing just now.' his hand tightened slightly on my waist as if he was afraid I was going to leave.

I sighed and gave in to the feeling I had been fighting for a while. I put my head against his shoulder and let myself relax into his embrace. 'I do feel it.' I muttered against the fabric of his shirt. His arms immediately wrapped tightly around me.

'Then let's not fight it.' he muttered.

I pulled back and stepped out of his arms. 'I can't just give in, Edward. I can't just be your mate. I'm more than that.'

'I know that.'

'I'm starting to believe that you do. But you need to take time to think this over, Edward, think about everything being with me will entail for you. Not only will you have to leave your family behind and follow me around, but you can also be in danger. If it becomes known that you are my mate you can be used against me. People might try to hurt you to hurt me.'

He opened his mouth to argue, but I quickly placed my finger against his lips. 'No don't tell me you know and that you're willing to do it. Just take a day to really think it all over. Please. Think everything through and then let's decide.'

He regarded me for a moment as I pulled my hand away again. 'And if I do decide then to go for it, will you accept it?'

I nodded. 'if you really thought it through and you still want to be with me, than yes I'll accept your decision.'

'Do you promise?' he pressed.

I nodded.

'Even if you disagree? Even if you think I've not thought everything through enough?'

'I just want you to take some time Edward to really consider what being the mate of Isabella the First entails. And I need to take some time as well to consider what having a mate will do to me.'

'But if I decide I want to try this, will you accept that?'

I sighed. 'I never thought I could have a mate. I thought it wasn't for me. I've spent thousands of years alone. I'm sorry if I've given you the feeling that I'm not excited about finally finding my potential mate. Because honestly for the first time in my life I'm thinking about my own happiness, and that scares me a bit but it's also something I want to explore together with you.'

He reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. 'Then I'll think about it seriously.'

'Thank you.' I breathed.

'When will we meet again?'

'I'll be here tomorrow night.'

He nodded. 'Alright. Are you sure you don't want to come home with me? Esme really wants to see you. And Alice is worried about you.'

I shook my head. 'I don't think that's a good idea.'

He sighed and nodded. 'alright. I understand.'

'Go home now. Think about everything.'

'I'll see you tomorrow night.' he responded confidently.

I couldn't help but smile. He seemed so sure of it. But I had a feeling if he was around his family again he'd start to realize exactly what I was asking of him and the possibility of him changing his mind was real.

'Go.' I told him again with a smile.

He nodded and with one more look, he turned around and started running.

I exhaled roughly and dropped down onto the grass, staring up at the sky. For thousands of years I had been on my own. I'd been content. I'd been given a job to do, and I'd fulfilled it to the best of my abilities. And here this boy came along and threw everything into chaos.

Honestly I wanted him to chose me. I wanted to experience everything I'd read about, seen around me and been on the sidelines of. I wanted to know what love was, I wanted to feel secure and protected in the arms of my mate. I wanted to protect my mate and make the world safer for him. I wanted to know that burning passion that led mates to follow each other into death.

And yet… it scared me that I wanted all of this. Because if I wanted all of this, wouldn't I lose sight of my purpose in life?

br /I stared up at the sky as my thoughts raced. 'Why did you do this to me?' I asked up at the sky. I didn't expect an answer.
I wasn't sure why I was put on this earth, but one thing I was sure of, I wasn't going to get an answer from the sky. I sighed and pushed myself upright again. I'd just have to wait and see what Edward would decide.

I started running away from the meadow, I was too antsy to simply stay there the entire night and day to wait if Edward would return. I needed to move around. I needed to think things over as well, and in that meadow my mind would only drift to the touch of his skin on mine, his lips on my lips and the feelings he created in me. The security I felt when he'd wrapped me up in his arms.

I started running faster and faster until I found myself back on those snowy mountain tops.

The stars were shining brightly above me and the world was fast asleep around me. It was peaceful.

But of course I couldn't be so lucky. Something had to go wrong. It was like the universe was telling me what I'd already thought deep down. I was Isabella the First. The idea of a mate for me was ludicrous. And I shouldn't even be entertaining the thought.

My phone started ringing and Jane's number was flashing across the screen. That alone wouldn't be something to alarm me. But when I answered, her panicked breath was already filtering down the line. Putting me on high alert.

'Bella! Thank god!' her voice was hushed yet panicked.

'What's going on?' I demanded worriedly.

'Aro's gone insane.'

'What?' I asked taken aback for a moment. I had a momentary flashback to about a few thousand years ago when a vampire had indeed gone mad. It had been a blood bath. My mind was already coming up with ways to fix that if that was the case this time around. The cover up would be infinitely harder.

'Aro ordered a march on the Cullen coven.'

No. My blood ran cold. This was worse.