June 10th, 2001
Tessa and Hermione's flat
He hates the situation, but he has no idea what's happening. After Hermione and Ron left for their night out, Rachel was just fine with him. They played on the floor, Harry fed her and she slept a little. But after an hour and a half of deep sleep, she woke frightened. Crying and sobbing, little tears falling from her eyes. Harry tried everything, playing with her, walking around, giving her another bottle, changing her diaper, giving her the pacifier. He even tried a few tricks with magic. Nothing worked.
So, a little annoyed, he sent Hermione a patronus. He knows they're probably somewhere inside the wizarding community, but even if they're in muggle London, no one will see the patronus but them.
"Shh, shh, it's fine, it's fine." He's walking around with Rachel in his arms, still trying to stop her crying. It takes Hermione exactly two minutes to apparate inside the living room.
"Hey, what's wrong?" She comes to him, taking Rachel. Ron apparates right after, he doesn't look happy.
"I'm sorry, I really am, but I tried everything, she won't stop."
"It's okay." Hermione says, a smile on her face as she holds Rachel in a different way, with her belly down. "Hey baby girl, what's wrong? Shh, Aunt Mi is here. It's fine." Harry hears that same babble and now he's sure she can say 'Mi'.
Ron snorts, falling on the couch with a sour face. He's extremely angry. Without really thinking about it, Harry's eyes go to Hermione's hands. No ring. He wonders if she said 'no' or if Ron didn't get his chance to ask, and if it's the second situation, he must want to murder Harry. Rachel's cry finally starts subsiding.
"She probably had a nightmare." Hermione says. "It happens sometimes. I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you about this. Whenever it happens she likes to be held like this, it's the only thing that calms her down." Hermione shakes her head. "But it's been a long while since she had one, I thought they were over."
"Yeah, okay, fine, great. Can we go back to our night out?" Ron asks getting up from the couch. "Harry, you got the position, right? No doubts about it?"
"Ron-"
"No, Hermione! Fuck! I've had enough! You always have time for everyone, except me! I can't take this anymore!"
"Ronald!" She says in a hushed tone, Rachel is sleeping already. "Why are you so nervous? It's not like we won't have tomorrow or any other day! What's the problem?"
Harry watches them, his insides boiling. He hates how poorly Ron treats Hermione sometimes, it's just ridiculous. She does everything for him, she's always available and giving her best to make him happy, yet for him it's like nothing is never enough, nothing ever will be.
"The problem is that you'll always prefer Harry!" He almost shouts and Rachel stirs.
Hermione rolls her eyes, about to say something, but Harry is faster. "I've had enough of this!" He realizes how truly angry he is the moment he starts talking, he's practically shaking. "Years ago when you started this I told myself I wouldn't interfere, but you almost managed to ruin my friendship with Hermione, you did your best with your cheap emotional blackmail, but you never accepted Hermione's decision of not cutting her ties with me. You resent her since then and you'll forever!"
"Harry-" She presses a hand against his arm, but he goes on.
"You resent me because you think it's my fault your brother died and for a long time I blamed myself too, but you know what? It's not my fault! And I'm at peace with it now because I'm an adult and I can see things clearly, if you're not capable of doing that, it's not my problem! But I'll tell you something," He raises a finger, "if you try manipulating Hermione again, if you ever come between us again, I don't care about our years of friendship, Ron, I'm cutting you out for good."
Ron snorts. "You think I care about you, Harry? Merlin, your ego is just astonishing! You want to cut me out? Just do it, it's a favor! The only thing I care about is Hermione! And I just can't stand that you're the one that is always between us!"
"You can't be serious-"
"Stop! Both of you! Don't you realize how stupid this is? How-"
A knock on the door stops her. It's loud and clear and a deep voice comes from the other side. "Hello? Granger?" Whoever it is knocks again. "Hello? Is anyone home?"
Hermione frowns and hands Rachel to Harry, their argument forgotten. Harry is scared. They live in muggle London, but he's sure no one ever knocks on Hermione and Tessa's door. The moment she opens the door, Harry's stomach falls, he immediately knows something is very wrong because there's an officer outside and his face doesn't look good.
"Yes?" Hermione says.
"Hello Miss, are you related to Tessa Granger?" Harry's knees might give in. Hermione nods, she's tense. "Look, can I come in?" Hermione steps to the side and the man nods to Ron and Harry, his eyes linger on Rachel. "Miss, I'm very sorry, but Miss Granger was involved in a car accident." Hermione covers her mouth with both hands, Harry tries not thinking the worst of it.
"Is she okay?" He asks, desperate.
The officer purses his lips. "It happened a few hours ago, she was probably coming back home. A driver lost control over his truck and unfortunately Miss Granger was driving the car on the opposite lane. She was taken to St. George's."
"Is she alive?" Hermione asks and Harry is surprised by the firmness in her voice, by how well she's dealing with this news. He's just standing there, breathing, maybe already dead inside.
"As far as I know she is, but her condition might be critical." They're all holding their breathes. "I was assigned to come to the address we found amongst her things. I'm very sorry." He gently touches Hermione's arm as a sign of support and bids his goodbye.
The moment she closes the door it's like they all come to life at once. Ron takes Rachel from Harry. "I'll take care of her, you have to go." Harry nods, but not really understanding what's happening, not really comprehending. Maybe I'm having a nightmare. Hermione purses her lips, he can see she's holding back tears. For his utter surprise Ron is the one moving. "Hermione, it will be fine." He's by her side, kissing her. "I'll be here for as long as you need. Don't worry about Rachel, I'll warn Gin and Malfoy." Hermione nods.
"Yes, yes." She's coming to herself. "Harry." Her voice brings him back to reality, grounding him. Closing his mouth he moves fast, in a blink he's by her side and they're apparating to St. George's.
St. George's
She has no idea how she's holding up. Maybe it's the necessity. Maybe it's the way she functions in situations like this. Maybe it's the warmth from Harry's hand clasped to hers. She has no idea. But as they walk inside the Hospital searching for Tessa and informations about her, they're an united front, if she falters he lifts her up and she does the same for him. It's the way they always acted together, it's the foundation of their friendship and something that will never change, no matter what.
But when they finally find Tessa's doctor, Hermione thinks they might crack for good. It couldn't be worse. She had several fractures from the crash, but the critical one was on her head. Severe head trauma. The words keep echoing inside Hermione, severe head trauma, severe head trauma. Hermione is a healer now and she knows exactly what these words mean, she knows exactly what to expect. The doctor keeps talking but her brain registers only a few words like swelling, coma, and no prediction if she's waking up or not. Hermione can't even swallow her saliva, her mouth is dry and she's dizzy. She glances over at Harry, who's sitting by her side, he's staring at the floor, lost. She takes his hand again, trying to be strong for him. But it's very difficult for both. Tessa is practically her sister, but she's also the mother of Harry's child, his lost love. This can't be it. She catches herself thinking about the worst scenario. Rachel without her mother. Don't go there, Hermione.
Tessa is being kept at the ICU after a surgery and they can't see her right now, and as soon as the doctor leaves them, Harry crumbles down. She pulls him closer, his head on her chest and her arms around him. He clings to her, desperate. Hermione doesn't think she can cry right now. She can't. She needs to think. How can I help? What can I do? Harry lifts his head as if hearing her thoughts, amongst sobs and tears he says:
"You have to do something, Hermione. You're a healer. Save her. You need to save her."
Hermione closes her eyes. She knew this was coming. Yes, she's a healer and magic is wonderful and powerful, however, after hours of Tessa's injury and a diagnosis so certain, there's nothing Hermione can actually do. There's a limit to things and procedures, magic is not miraculous. She could help with some fractures and bruises, but not reduce her brain swelling to a point where she would just wake up. Nothing would change her condition in general.
"Harry. There's nothing I can do right now that would change her condition." She tries saying it as gently as possible, but he reacts violently. Getting up and staring down at her. She knows he's angry.
"You can't be serious! She's your cousin! Don't you care at all? You have to try something, ANYTHING!"
Hermione sighs and just looks at him. "I'm suffering too, Harry." Her voice is low, fragile. "You're right, she's my cousin and I'm going to help the best I can, but I won't have you talking to me as if you're the only one here who loves her." She sees him stepping back as if she'd slapped him. "I know you're angry and I understand. But we're in this together and fighting right now is out of question for me, so, if that's what you want, just tell me now and I'll leave. Maybe we can talk later when you're calmer." She doesn't avert her eyes from his.
Crumbling down again he shakes his head and sits back by her side. "I'm sorry." He takes her hand and they stay that way, for how long Hermione is not sure. An eternity, maybe.
"I need to warn her father." Hermione says. Harry doesn't react. "And tell my parents." He squeezes her hand.
"She's going to wake up, I'm sure." Harry's mood changes drastically. He brushes his tears away. "She's strong, she'll come back to us." Hermione automatically nods.
They don't say another word for hours, but they never let go of each other's hand.
June 17th, 2001
Tessa, it's been a week. A terrible and never ending week. I miss you. I miss our days together and how we used to plan our weekends with Rachel. Your daughter misses you. She cries without reason now, she cries and calls to her mother. Can you believe she's actually saying 'mama'? She babbles, of course, but she's saying it. Even if she can't fully comprehend your absence she knows something is wrong. She's walking. Her short and chubby legs are like mini rockets. The moment she understood how easy the whole putting one foot in front of the other thing was she never stopped. It's been exhausting protecting the house, but amazing at the same time. I wish you could see it.
And Harry is back, Tess. He's finally back and you're not here. He stays with you at the Hospital more than anyone else. He talks to you even if he doesn't believe you can hear him. I wish you could see him with Rachel. She got used to him immediately and they connected easily. He's loving and thoughtful and whenever he's not with you, he's with her.
I miss you.
Hermione enters the living room and Harry is sitting on the couch, back from St. George's. Rachel just fell asleep and Hermione needs to leave soon to her night shift at St. Mungo's. "Harry." He looks terrible. She's sure he barely slept this last week. "Any change?" She always asks and his answer is the same every time, a sad look and an inaudible 'no'. "Rachel is sleeping." She fetches her purse and healer's coat. "At 6am I'm back, if you need anything just send me a patronus, okay?" She stands in front of him and he looks up at her.
Hermione stopped her life for three days because of Tessa, but the Hospital said that if she wanted to work there she had to actually be there. Even with everything that's happening she can't be with Tessa or Harry or Rachel 24 hours, she has to work and deal with her own issues. But whenever she can she's with her cousin or taking care of Rachel. The moments she sees Harry are these before her shift. Hermione took the night shift at the Hospital exactly because she knows that Rachel sleeps well at night, so, she hoped this might help Harry get some sleep too. But she knows he doesn't.
Without saying a thing he takes her hand, his posture of a hopeless man. "I want to talk to you." She moves, unsure. "Not now. In the morning." She squeezes his hand and nods, she might know what he wants to discuss. She feels her chest hurting.
"See you then." She apparates.
The rising and falling of Rachel's little chest is what gives him the strength to go on. He never felt this hopeless. Never felt like life could be so unfair. Even after Voldemort and everything he went through, what's happening right now seems to be a cruel and sick joke. He almost had it all. It was so close. But like he feared for most of his life, the happiness was taken away from him in a brutal stroke. And now, Rachel is the only thing that matters.
He leans on the wall, crossing his arms and watching her. Soon Hermione is arriving from the Hospital. Harry knows she's doing the possible and the impossible to help him, not only with Rachel but respecting his feelings and letting him think about what to do next. He tried not dwelling on the matter, but he has to consider what to do in case Tessa never wakes up again. He needs to plan his life and what he wants to do from now on because now he has a huge responsibility. A little girl who depends on him.
I'm her father. And he feels like he can't go on with things the way they are. He worries about his best friend. Hermione has her own life and it would be selfish of him to not consider that. He knows she'll always be there for them, but this is his life. His child.
He hears her apparating inside. She's ten minutes early. Hermione doesn't call to him and Harry notices how she walks stealthy trying her best not to make a noise, hopeful that he might be sleeping. "Oh." She says when she sees him, her eyes going over to Rachel's crib. Her face is red and it seems like she's been crying. Shaking her head she comes to him, her arms open. Harry hugs her back. They've been doing this a lot recently. Even if they don't see each other much, whenever they get the chance they hug or hold hands. Harry comprehends that he's addicted to this physical support she gives him. Without another word she takes his hand and guides him back to the living room, sitting on the couch. "Tell me."
"Have you been crying?" He can't help asking. Since they heard of the accident she hasn't shed a single tear. Harry doesn't judge, he knows each person has a way of dealing with things.
"I have." She looks down. "I- after not crying over Tessa I thought my tears had dried, but today we lost a child and-" She sobs. "It broke me completely." She's crying. "Now I feel I won't ever stop. I keep seeing Tessa's smile, over and over again and it shatters me to imagine that-"
"That maybe you won't see her smiling ever again." Hermione nods, her hands brushing away her tears. Harry doesn't move, he just lets her cry.
Sighing, she asks, "What do you want to talk about?" Harry has a feeling she already knows.
"We can't keep things the way they are." She opens her mouth, her eyes sad. "I mean, I've been practically living here and we need to be realistic, even if it hurts," He closes his eyes, "Tessa might not wake." He lets the words travel between them. "This is your flat, Hermione. Rachel is my daughter, my responsibility."
"Harry. You need help with her, you can't work and be with Tessa and also take care of Rachel alone. It's no problem-"
He raises his hand. "I know. But I'm quitting. I never really wanted to be an Auror and now I have the perfect reason not to go through with it." He sighs. "I want to dedicate myself one hundred percent to Rachel and we need a place of our own." There's a wrinkle between her eyebrows. "I appreciate everything you've done," He takes her hand, again feeling calmer the moment he feels her skin, "and you always will be one of the most important people in Rachel's life."
"Harry." She looks down, her eyes searching something. "Don't go." It's a plea and it breaks his heart, she starts crying again. "I- I understand your reasons, I do, but- with everything that's happening, to be away from Rachel it would make things a thousand times worse." She sobs. "And I want you close as well, you're my best friend and my cousin is in a coma!" She blurts out the last words, letting it all out. "I need you." She squeezes his hand.
"I need you too, Hermione. You're my rock." He brings her hand to his lips, kissing it gently. "But I don't want to ruin your life, I don't want you to break up with Ron because of us, the same way I don't want you to exhaust yourself with these night shifts because of me." She's shaking her head.
"Look," He purses his lips. He hoped she wouldn't resist. To see her like this makes his decision a lot harder. "She's still a baby, Harry, but she can feel that something is wrong. I honestly don't think that more changes are the best right now."
"I know, but you have-"
"It's my life, isn't? So, if I want you to stay, you should stay." She stands up, fretting. "We can think of a way to organize ourselves better. You're barely sleeping too."
"I know. I agree with your reasons, but I've made up my mind, Hermione. She's my daughter-"
"But I've taken care of her since she was born!" She's a little angry now, probably because I'm taking her goddaughter away from her. She sighs. "Sorry, that wasn't fair. It's just…"
Rachel's babbling and shrieks come form the room. For the first time in days she's not waking up crying. Harry distinguishes the clear 'Mi' and 'mama' Rachel says. He shares an intense look with Hermione. Is it fair of him to take Rachel away from Hermione? Probably not. A little cry and Hermione moves, in a blink reaching the room and taking Rachel, talking to her, chuckling. It physically hurts Harry. Why is this so hard? He holds his head with both hands, his elbows on his legs. He's frustrated.
"I think we should talk to Ginny." She says with Rachel in her arms. "I agree with anything she considers best. Really. I'm sorry for making this harder for you." She tightens her arms around Rachel. "I just love her so much." Hermione kisses her cheek and those chubby hands try catching Hermione's face. It's obvious they've done this a million times.
"Okay. Whatever Ginny considers best." They nod at each other, the heavy silence hanging between them.
June 19th, 2001
Harry wants to move out with Rachel. And he's not wrong, I understand his reasons, but just to imagine coming home and not having Rachel here breaks my heart. He said I need to think about myself and my career, about my relationship with Ron. Don't get me wrong, Tess, I never thought Harry would be different, it warms my heart that he wants to take full responsibility in this, but what about what I want? On this matter you two are identical, you know? You used to tell me not to worry so much with you and Rachel, to live my life and enjoy my youth… not that I don't agree with you, but what I feel for this little girl is bigger than anything else. My love for her is what keeps me going, especially now that everything is crumbling down. He agreed on talking to Ginny before making a decision. As you know, Ginny works at the Social Assistance Department at the Ministry, she's used to dealing with situations like this. I didn't consider asking her earlier because I think we're still afraid of what it means. It was the first time we considered that you might never wake up. I miss you, Tess. Come back to us.
"Merlin, Rachel! Look at you baby girl, you've grown so much since the last time I saw you!" Ginny takes Rachel in her arms and as she always does, the little girls pulls at Ginny's hair, fascinated. She often tries doing the same with Ron's, but since his hair is short she fails miserably, which always ends with a pout from her and a laugh from him. Ginny puts her down and hugs Hermione and Harry, all of them sitting at the living room.
Ginny sighs as she watches Rachel. Hermione knows this is hard for her, but she trusts her friend's better judgment.
"Okay, I'll be as direct as possible. This situation sucks and I wish I weren't here talking about this. But you're right, even if it hurts you need to think about what's best for Rachel." She presses her lips together. "Harry, if we were talking about what's best for Hermione here, I would say to you: yes, take Rachel, buy a house, go live your life with your daughter." He nods and she raises her hand. "But that's it, isn't it? Hermione is not the child here. We're talking about Rachel. And when it comes to her, it's in fact easier than you imagine." She moves, uncomfortable. "Tessa is in a coma and facing the fact that she might never wake up, I, Ginevra, as a social assistant, fiercely recommend that you don't take Rachel away from this environment." Hermione watches his shocked expression. Ginny goes on. "Rachel knows Hermione since she first opened her eyes. Hermione is her godmother and the person that always came first after her own mother. It's a fact that Rachel is comfortable in this flat, comfortable with Hermione and-" They all giggle a little as Rachel babbles 'Mi' in the middle of Ginny's phrase, "and Tessa is not here, her only safe place to land is Hermione." Ginny shrugs in an apologetic way. "It's a fact that you weren't here, Harry. Separating her from Hermione is the worst scenario right now. Rachel would suffer greatly."
Hermione holds her breathe and closes her eyes. Her heart beating wildly.
"In fact, I suggest that you move in, Harry. For good." After a beat of silence, Ginny chuckles. "Now speaking as your friend and Ron's sister, Merlin, he's murdering me for this." She shrugs. "Well, tough luck." She gets up. "But keep in mind that this is not definitive, we don't know, maybe Tessa wakes up tonight. But if things stay the same, this is the best way to proceed and after a few months we can reassess the situation, okay?" They nod. "Look, I have to go, but I'm inviting you to have dinner with me and Draco next week. You haven't been to our new place yet."
Hermione is still in shock. Harry gets up and hugs Ginny, thanking her and she squeezes Hermione's hand. The moment Ginny is gone, Harry is standing right in front of her. His hand stretched out. "So, are we doing this?" He asks. She raises her eyes and takes his hand, getting up and hugging him.
"Yes."