December 5th, 2002

He's leaning against the counter and waiting for the croissants to bake properly. He did it from scratch. He could have done it magically, but it strangely felt like cheating. Today Rachel is two years and eight months and he already took incredible photos of her and it's not even 11am. Hermione will soon be back from her shift and he wants to surprise her… He knows how much she loves croissants. It's her favorite food in the world. Others might say it's that chicken wrap from the restaurant they usually eat from. But no, Harry knows it's the croissant. He noticed it when they were in Paris. Whenever she got a chance she was eating one, regardless the time of the day or the occasion. And she does the same in London, even if she complains sometimes that there's nothing like a freshly baked croissant from Paris.

He chews the inside of his cheeks. Rachel is entertained with a new toy he gave her. It consists on putting pieces together and finding their rightful place. It's not easy and she's intrigued by it, surprising Harry with how she can focus on a task for a long time even at this age.

So, yeah, between waiting for the croissant to bake and watching Rachel playing alone, he has all the time in the world to mull over his favorite subject: Hermione.

To be precise, The Massage, as he's thinking of it now. It's such an inconvenience to think about it when he's not alone because every little thing about that moment arouses him in a way he's not sure it ever happened before. The first thing he remembers is the smell. The way her room smelt like her, like vanilla and hints of honey, the way her skin also had a scent that was so Hermione he's not sure he knows how to describe… he just knows it's close to the smell of new books… it's just her. And the lotion. He has no idea why he chose that lavender lotion, but it fitted perfectly.

After the smell, her moans are the next thing he obsesses about, they have taken root inside his very core. The instant she took off her shirt he already felt that warmth inside him, all his blood going south between his legs, but when he unclasped her bra and really understood she was half naked in front of him… he was hard in a second. He thanked the heavens she had her back to him. And even if he had already touched her countless times, nothing compared to that context. The smoothness of her skin and how easily she trusted his ministrations were making him even harder. Whenever she moaned he felt pleasure and pain, his cock straining against his underwear in an indecent way. And he would bet his life savings that she was feeling the same, he saw her pressing her thighs together, trying to find some release moving her hip against the floor. It took a hell of a lot of self control not to take her right there. He wonders if he enjoys feeling pain, because when he held her by the rib cage, it was excruciating not to take her boobs in his hands… especially knowing - after that morning on the couch - how perfectly they fit into his palm.

And their few exchanged words. Her hushed and breathless 'yes' when he asked if it was good. Merlin. The way she said it almost made him groan loudly. At that moment he felt so primal he's not sure how he was keeping his mind together. He desperately wanted to cross THE line, but she said 'no'. It gutted him.

But he understood, of course he did. After everything and the conversation they had he knows their status is an unchangeable 'best friends'. And in a way he's glad Hermione pulled the brakes on them. Even if he left the room angry and… found his release on his own while thinking about her, which angered him even more. Harry thinks he feels this rage because there's nothing he can do to change the situation, nothing he can say to mend things. The damage is done and the cards are on the table… Rachel, Tessa, Ned. It's all extremely delicate and he doesn't want them to stop talking like they did after the call.

It surprised him, in a positive way, how their friendship seems intact… Hermione never mentioned The Massage and he hasn't brought it up either. So, they stay that way.

The timer goes off and he opens the oven, excited. The croissants look amazing. He can't wait for her to arrive and see what he did. Hermione is always saying how well he cooks and how he should try doing it for a living. Harry knows he doesn't need to work for the rest of his and Rachel's lives, and he was more than glad in being a stay at home dad, but recently his thoughts are constantly drifting to places where he has a career. Of course he loves Rachel more than anything else, but sometimes it's like something is lacking and maybe that something is a job to be proud of.

He takes a bite from one croissant. It's exquisite.

As he eats he thinks about what Hermione said… about how Ned is extraordinary and how she admires him. In that particular moment he felt a different kind of jealousy. He noticed how he wants Hermione to admire him, to be proud of him, to say that he's extraordinary. He's not proud of his thoughts, but he can't help them also. He shakes his head.

"Rach, baby, come taste this." He can see her from the kitchen since there's a kind of open space between the rooms and she looks up at him, smiling. Harry notices she solved the toy and his chest swells. He hands her a piece of croissant and sits with her. "Good?" Rachel nods with enthusiasm, already opening her tiny hand to ask for more. "I made for mama Mi, do you think she'll like it?" Rachel nods again and before he can say anything else he hears Hermione apparating inside.

Looking up from the isle he watches as she takes off her healer's coat and perks her head in the air, "Merlin, what's this amazing smell?" He smiles. She then sees them at the kitchen and comes fast, her eyes widening when she spots the batch of croissant. "You didn't!" She's so happy he laughs.

"I did."

She gives him a smile so bright, so Hermione, he feels his heart leaping inside his chest. She kisses Rachel and takes a bite. Harry watches all her reactions with such intensity he knows the world could end in that moment and he wouldn't care about it, only about her. Hermione closes her eyes and chews slowly, then she shakes her head, moaning and smiling. He moves uncomfortably on his stool, her moan triggering his mind, wiring it to The Massage, but it goes away fast as she says:

"This is amazing." Her voice is low and her eyes go to his. "I'm serious."

"Better than the ones from Paris?" He's only joking, but when she nods in confirmation he thinks he might burst from satisfaction. "Really?" He knows she wouldn't lie, but it's still hard to believe.

"Yes." She doesn't say anything else, but the way she eats with such pleasure says it all.

After a while he asks, "How was work?"

Hermione huffs, frustrated. "I swear. That Hospital gets under my skin sometimes." She shakes her head. "Their bureaucracy is ridiculous! The Head there is just an idiot who doesn't understand a thing about healing properties and the necessity of better trainings in some fields and areas. He's ignorant, Harry! Today we tried suggesting improvements and you know what he said? 'You're paid to do your job, not run this Hospital'." She purses her lips. "I wanted to hex him. If he cared about the patients and his healers he would consider changing the way hours and shifts work, he would invest in research and better programs of specialization. But no. No. He just wants us to work ourselves off and be drained to the last drop to keep the Hospital's reputation."

"Wow. Did something happen?" She looks more angry than usual. He already heard complaints similar to these ones, but this time she seems more… passionate.

Hermione sighs. "Noah fainted in the middle of a surgery." She looks down. "He was utterly drained." Harry can see her eyes glistening with a few tears. He grits his teeth. "I'm actually heading to his place to take care of him, I hope you don't mind." She gives him an apologetic look. "I've come to fetch a few things, but if you want me to stay with Rachel, I will-"

"No." He says gently. "Go be with Noah. He needs you." His heart is bleeding, but now he can see clearly how worried she is. "You tell me if you need anything." Hermione tilts her head and gets up from the stool, Harry thinks she's already leaving, but she comes to stand by his side.

"You're an amazing friend, Harry. Thank you." She kisses his cheek and squeezes his arm before giving Rachel a kiss and actually going to her room.

He stays frozen in the kitchen, his ears keeping track of her movements. He only allows himself to crumble down when she's gone.

December 15th, 2002

I can't stop thinking how I'm going to tell Harry about leaving with Noah. As each day goes by I'm more certain about my decision. I see how comfortable Harry is in his role as Rachel's father and after all this mess with him I've strained my relationship with Noah. I feel closer to him, I may be in love, Tess. But I still think about Harry. More than I wished. More than I'm able to handle. So I guess the only way is actually putting some distance between us, finally severing this connection we have because of Rachel and ending this illusion of a happy family. I know it won't be simple and I'm sure it's going to be painful, but I don't know what else to do. It hurts me every time I get home and he opens a smile to greet me. It hurts every time he gently offers me something. It hurts every time he cooks for me (yes, now he cooks for me). It hurts every time Rachel calls us 'mama' and 'dada' on the same phrase. It hurts every time I want to hug him and have to stop myself. It hurts every time he plays with Rachel and their laughter fills the flat. It hurts every time they want me to be with them, to watch a movie with them, to play with them. It hurts every time I lie down in the living room to read and Rachel lies with me, her little body over mine while Harry sits on the armchair and reads his recipe books. It hurts every time he glances at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention. It hurts every time when I realize he's been with Sofia. It hurts every time he talks about you, Tess. It hurts because I know he's waiting for you. It hurts because I know his heart is yours.

Loving Harry… it just hurts.

December 26th, 2002

He's looking at the photos he took yesterday. Draco and Ginny threw a Christmas party at their house and they've stayed up until the sun rose on the horizon. It's no surprise Hermione is still sleeping and Rachel is closing her eyes while watching the cartoon. His daughter slept throughout the night, but they were in a different house and a lot of people were talking, yelling and laughing. He's sure it wasn't the best scenario for his little girl to sleep, but the party was just too good for them to leave so soon.

The photo he's currently looking at is of him, Hermione and Rachel. He still uses Tessa's muggle camera, but he found a way of magically programing it to take photos of him too. A smile tugs on his face. They agreed on going in different colors representing the occasion. He was wearing a white jumper and black trousers, Hermione was in a red dress and Rachel in a green one. Visually they match perfectly. His darker hair and green eyes contrasts with the white of his jumper and agree with the green from Rachel's dress. She's in their arms between them, smiling widely with her even darker hair and soft curls. But in his opinion is Hermione who steals the picture. Her brown wide curls fall perfectly on her shoulders, her warm chocolate eyes shine as bright as her smile while the red dress just… hugs her body in a maddening way. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her the entire night. The velvet dress had long sleeves, but a neckline that- He sighs. Harry only knows how much he's been avoiding thinking about Hermione in that way, but yesterday it turned out to be impossible. And now seeing the photo all his urges come right back.

Ginny and Draco decided on a big party and everyone was there. They invited Ned and also Draco's Team… so Sofia was there too. Harry knows Hermione's relationship with Ned is stronger than ever, he saw it clearly at the party and he's been seeing it in the way she talks about him… but. Yesterday two important things happened. The first one was the fact that for the first time Hermione saw him with Sofia. Harry had told her about his arrangement with the Quidditch player, and they still see each other occasionally, Hermione also knows about that. But she had never seen them talking or interacting. And Harry wanted Sofia to meet Rachel, it was only natural.

But he was not prepared to see Hermione acting so incredibly jealous. Of course not everyone noticed, she tried being discreet, but Ginny and Draco were sneering at each other knowingly. And he's not proud to admit that it gave him certain satisfaction to see her glaring at Sofia, snorting at her words and touching Harry every chance she got. Not even in front of Ned Hermione was able to hold back her impulse of making it clear to Sofia how important she was in Harry's life, how they knew each other since they were eleven and how they were raising Rachel together, living together. It may seem as nothing much, but Harry knows it was. Hermione is always gentle and welcoming with people, if not that, she's at least polite, but not with Sofia. No. Sofia didn't stand a chance. And when Rachel - being her normal easygoing self - wanted Sofia to hold her, Harry saw Hermione's eyes drilling a hole into the other woman's head. Even Ned asked if she was feeling okay.

Eventually Hermione mingled with others, but Harry felt and saw she was observing him the entire time.

And then…

Then the second thing happened.

He had to go to the bathroom, Rachel was with the Weasleys and he had no idea where Hermione had been off to since Ned was still talking to a few Quidditch players. But at the time Harry didn't give it much thought and later he realized what a mistake it had been. He found the bathroom and when he was coming out of it, he also found… Hermione. She too was heading back to the party from the backyard and in some sick joke of the Universe they got trapped under a mistletoe. A magical mistletoe. It was placed just a few feet before the door that led to the living room. At first Harry didn't understand why she seemed so nervous. He said they didn't have to kiss, it was no big deal, but then she pointed out that that kind of mistletoe didn't allow people to walk freely if they didn't kiss. Harry snorted and tried taking a few steps forward. An invisible barrier stopped him. He remembers clearly:

'He turns to Hermione and raises both eyebrows. "So, a friendly kiss then?" He asks unsure and she sighs, nodding. He goes to her fast and before thinking too much about it he kisses her cheek, his lips barely touching her skin. They exchange a heated look and he tries taking a few steps again. The barrier is still there. "Why?" He asks. He has no idea how this mistletoe works. Hermione surely knows, right? "Maybe you need to kiss me too?"

Hermione doesn't move, her eyes looking at the marble floor now. He goes to her again and stands there, wondering what she's waiting for. After a few beats she looks up and moves to kiss his cheek, but differently from him, her lips linger, her body close. When she pulls back her fingers brush against his cheek. "Lipstick." She murmurs as she cleans it off. Her lipstick is not as red as Sofia's, but still stands out, all his attention - and he's sure that of a lot of men in this party - goes to her lips when he looks at her. He stays put and when he's sure she's pulling away, her hand cups his cheek and her thumb goes over his lips the same way he did to hers a few times, the same way just before they shared that kiss. His heart rate spikes. He's ready to kiss her thumb the same way she did, but she says, "Try now."

He swallows the lump in his throat and immediately misses the warmth from her hand on his cheek as he walks forward again. He bumps into the barrier. Harry pockets his hands and turns to her. "Oh, come on! What if two friends get stuck in here? This is unfair." He complains to the ceiling. Hermione is biting her lower lip, her arms crossed.

"This," She begins, "is a special kind of mistletoe, Harry." She raises her eyes to him. "It… it can tell the wishes of our hearts." He purses his lips.

"Meaning?"

She sighs. "Meaning that it knows a kiss on the cheek is not what we want."

They let the words hang in the air. Harry briefly closes his eyes and curses mentally. They were doing so well in avoiding this kind of contact-

"Bloody hell!" Hermione curses out of the blue and he widens his eyes. Her anger… offends him a little.

"Wow, I know you don't wanna do this, but a simple kiss must suffice, right?" Suddenly he's walking to her again, his heart beating fast as they both ignore the obvious: they want to kiss. The mistletoe knows, their hearts know.

Hermione stops him with a hand on his chest when he's already leaning for the kiss. He scoffs, annoyed. "If we don't do this, we'll be stuck here forever and Rachel will have no parents to raise her." He jokes and she actually snorts a laugh. He smiles. She narrows her eyes, her hand going to his jaw, grabbing it.

"Just a peck." She says low and squeezes his cheeks with a thumb on one side and her other fingers on the other.

"Hey!" He complains and pouts. She smiles and steers his face to hers, barely kissing him, her lips touching his as fast as possible. She releases him and walks away.

The barrier is still there.

They say nothing for a while and Harry goes to her. Taking her hand he makes Hermione face him. "I promise this won't change a thing, Hermione. I respect your relationship with Noah and if it weren't for this situation you know we wouldn't be doing this." He says this but the obvious still rings inside his head: they want to kiss for real. It's their hearts' desire.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath and when she opens them Harry can see determination there. She nods and he seizes her by the waist, pressing their bodies together, their hips at the same height because of her high heels. He wets his lower lip, suddenly extremely nervous. Hermione's eyes fall to his lips and her hands runs through his hair. She brings him closer with her forearms at his nape. They share one last look before closing their eyes and pressing their lips together. This time he's not stunned by the feel of her lips, he already knows they're incredibly soft, there's no surprise or hesitation in what they're doing. So, when they actually give in to the kiss it's…

They fight for dominance, both desperate and breathing heavily, their mouths clashing and caressing with the same intensity. She bites hard on his lip and he groans, one of his hands going to her neck, into her soft curls, their lips meeting messily, adoring, sensually, demanding. He tugs on her hair and she half sighs half chuckles when he takes control of the kiss, his other hand pressing at her butt, squeezing it lightly and bringing her closer to him. Their tongues easily move together, the sensation exhilarating. Harry is already hard. He can smell her. Feel her. Taste her. It drives him crazy.

When he feels Hermione gently pulling back, his open mouth moves through her jaw, kissing the sensitive point under her ear and then her neck. She doesn't stop him and Harry leaves gentle kisses on her neck, hearing, feeling her heartbeat under his mouth. She's disheveling him and it feels amazing. Amazing to have Hermione like this, at his mercy, moaning in pleasure, breathing heavily and feeling so incredibly delicious.

"Harry." She says softly and he groans. He doesn't want to stop.

"I want you so fucking much." He says before thinking. Then he freezes. Hermione inhales sharply. Then she pulls on his hair, forcing him to look at her. She looks edible with her lips redder from their kisses. "I-"

"Let me clean the lipstick." She says fast. He thinks she'll do it with her fingers and he's ready to kiss all of them, but she just murmurs a spell and takes a step back, the lipstick on her mouth also correcting itself. It looks like the kiss never happened. But her eyes are a shade darker than usual and her chest is moving up and down extremely fast. Harry sets his jaw. He wants to tell her how she consumes his mind. He wants to tell her that whenever he sees her smiling he feels happier. Wants to tell her that their kisses are the best ones he ever shared in his life. Wants to tell her how much he wished she would just end things with Ned. Wants to tell her that the moments they share together at the flat are branded into his heart, forever. That the most adoring thing in the world is how Rachel lies on top of her when she settles down on the couch to read.

But he says nothing. Maybe he's not brave enough.

Hermione lowers her head and walks away, the barrier gone.'

After that they didn't talk and now he's afraid things might be ruined again. He dreads the moment she wakes. Dreads the look she might give him and it pains him to imagine her running off to stay with Ned for days. Not to mention that he wants to visit Tessa today… he sighs. Nothing will change. We just kissed because there was no other way around it. Yeah, maybe that was the reason, but it's still undeniable they both wanted it badly. And again he's sure not a single thought about Tessa crossed his mind in that moment. Nor after. He was consumed by what they'd shared.

Rachel calls to him and he looks down at his daughter. She wants some hot milk. Harry smiles and walks to the kitchen, glancing at the clock. It's already 10:45am. He knows Hermione has the day off, and if he's not mistaken he heard Ned saying to someone yesterday that he chose to work today so he could have New Year's day free. They're probably traveling again. He tries not scowling at the thought. Hermione is allowed to be happy with her boyfriend… however… how is that working out if the desire of her heart is to kiss Harry? Because he knows how much he thinks about her, knows how torn he feels when it comes to what he could have with Hermione and his interrupted life with Tessa. And if she thinks about him in a way similar to this… she doesn't really love Ned, does she? Harry can't be sure if he's trying to convince himself or if he actually thinks that.

He hands Rachel her milk and she sits close to him, one of her small hands on his thigh, making sure her dada is there with her. He lets his mind focus on the cartoon but after a while he's had enough. Harry turns off the tv and Rachel whines, but he raises his hand and says, "I have one more present for you. Do you wanna see it?" She nods and with an accio he has it in his hands in a second. Harry tries not being overly excited about this, "It's something special." He says carefully as he unwraps the small broom he bought. Rachel observes it with a glint in her eyes.

She stays quiet as if realizing this magical object is hers. Harry knows he should have waited, knows that if she's not magical she won't be able to ride the broom, but it was eating him inside, he was tired of waiting.

"Do you wanna hold it?" The broom is as light as a feather, made specially for kids. Rachel nods. She's so serious it seems she's way older than her almost three years. Harry gently lifts the broom with both hands and Rachel catches it with her left hand. When he sees she's got it he lets go. Rachel giggles and jumps in place. "So, this is a magical broom." Harry says and she repeats the words. "Do you remember uncle Draco flying up in the sky?" He gulps when she gives him a questioning look. "This broom is made for that, for you to fly." He gets up and closing his eyes he protects the living room with a handful of spells. Harry doesn't think she'll fly, but it's better to be safe than sorry. "Do you wanna try it?" He asks and she nods. When they lower the broom together and she instinctively throws one leg to the other side, he smiles. "That's right, sweetie." Harry glances at the door from the corridor, hoping Hermione won't wake right now. "Now, sit, yes, just like this. Okay, put your hands here on the front and hold tightly. Listen to me, Rach, don't let go, okay? Okay. Think of this broom as if it's a part of you." He's not sure she can grasp this concept, but she nods. "Now," He takes a deep breath, "gently push up from the floor."

At first nothing happens and Harry's heart bleeds with the sad look she gives him. "That's okay, baby." He kisses her cheek. "Try again." He's crouching by her side and he watches as her little legs push from the floor. It's almost imperceptible but he swears she hovers for a second. Harry lets out an excited yell. "Yes, Rach, go on, you can do it." She giggles and in a beat she's some good 3 feet from the floor. Harry is up, close to her, tears on his eyes. "You did it." He whispers. She's magical.

Then it happens fast. Rachel says "Look, mama!" And Harry turns on his heels to see Hermione standing at the entrance of the living room. She has tears in her eyes and is smiling wide, the same way as he. But they don't have time to share the moment since in a blink Rachel loses control over the broom and flies fast around the place. Harry curses, trying to protect her fall. But Hermione is faster and in an inhumanly speed she has a fluffy pillow embracing Rachel as she almost crashes against the wall.

They run fast to Rachel, but the little girl is laughing hard, excited. Harry chuckles and hugs her, his other arm pulling Hermione to them as they share this moment. "Again!" Rachel is saying. However before he can say 'yes'-

"No way!" Hermione says firmly. Rachel pouts. "No, Rach. This is dangerous." Hermione fetches the broom and Harry rolls his eyes.

"Come on, Hermione. It's Christmas!" Harry says as he holds his daughter and they both prepare to go against 'mama'.

Hermione shakes her head. "Yesterday was Christmas." She points out. "Harry you know better than this. This is dangerous. She almost hit the wall!" She says. He sighs.

"Fine." Rachel whines as she tries reaching the broom in Hermione's hands. "But you can't totally prohibit her from doing it!"

"I know! But she's too little, Harry!" Hermione puts her hands on her waist, the broom under her armpit.

"But she liked it! Didn't you, baby?" Rachel nods. "See?" Hermione clicks her tongue and narrows her eyes.

"She'll only be allowed on this broom when I'm with you, do you understand?" Harry nods and Hermione shakes her head. "And not inside the flat where there are walls! Maybe at Draco and Ginny's backyard."

"Agreed!" Harry says fast and swirls Rachel in his arms. "Are you going to be a seeker, pumpkin? The best seeker in the world?" Harry is so happy he can barely contain his excitement and Hermione laughs.

Only later, when he's preparing them some lunch and Rachel is sitting on top of the isle in front of Hermione while they make faces at each other, he realizes they're not awkward… things are fine. As if the mistletoe and the kiss never happened.

He's not sure if he likes it or not.

December 31st, 2002

Hermione watches with a small smile on her face as Rachel flies with Harry. The sun still shines bright and it's not too cold, it's the perfect weather, really. She's leaning on the ledge of the back porch of Draco and Ginny's. Her friends are excited for the end of the year but they decided on staying in, celebrating it discreetly with only a handful of people. Noah asked Hermione to go away with him and his family. She gently declined. Noah didn't take it very well and she tried her best to explain that since she's leaving with him in September, she wants to be with Rachel now. Of course she left out that she also wants to be with Harry, but she thinks Noah saw it in her eyes. That's what really made him angry. But she just can't help it. She wants to be close to Harry, she wants to spend as much time as she can with him…

"I heard he got Rachel a tiny broom." Ginny settles by her side and Hermione snorts.

"He did." Now he's flying on his broom and Rachel is sitting in front of him, one of his arms around the little girl as she giggles excitedly. "I swear…" Hermione trails, sighing.

"How are things between you two?"

"Fine." She says in a low voice, biting her lip. "I-" She looks down. Maybe she needs to tell someone. "There's something I need to tell him and I don't know how." She looks up at Ginny. Her friend waits for her to continue. "Noah got a transference to Paris and he asked me to go with him."

Ginny whistles and sips on her wine. "And you said yes." Ginny states. Hermione nods. "When are you leaving?"

"September." She watches Ginny pursing her lips. "It's for the best." Hermione says, reassuring herself more than anything.

"Is it?"

Hermione doesn't answer for a long time as her eyes follow Harry and Rachel in the air. It's amazing how her entire world seems like a little dot from where she's standing right now.

"Yes." She says in a final tone. She can tell Ginny wants to fight her words, but to her surprise her friend says:

"Then you have to tell him. As soon as possible."

She nods. "I will." Her voice is barely there.

"I'll miss you, Hermione." Ginny says and hugs her. Hermione can't help tearing up a bit as she returns the hug.

"Please, don't tell anyone. Not yet." Ginny nods.

They separate when they see Harry coming down from the sky. Hermione smiles at the sight of father and daughter. Their hair look just the same mess from the wind, and in that moment, even if Rachel looks more like Tessa, it's undeniable how much of Harry Potter she has in her. Harry stares at Hermione. He was surprised when she said she was staying for New Year. But she also saw how happy he looked, how he brightened up at the news and started making plans for them. Why does it hurt so much? As Ginny grabs Rachel from his arms and heads inside, Harry and Hermione seem frozen on the spot. He's there, holding his broom and looking like a sin in a gray sweater and jeans. She wonders if he'll say something now that they're alone. It's amazing the kiss they shared under the mistletoe haven't come between them. She wets her lips unconsciously as she remembers. She has no idea how she had the strength to pull away that day. A chill runs down her spine every time she recalls him saying he wanted her 'so fucking much'.

Harry says nothing as he steps into the porch and leaves his broom there, then he turns to her and cups her cheek. She tries not recoiling, her heart leaping. "Is everything okay?" His voice is low and his eyes are fixed on her lips. A rush goes through her entire body. She just nods and takes his hand from her face. He looks hurt at that and she immediately tries mending it by running her hand through his hair, combing it with her fingers and smiling. "Are you sure?" He asks as he steps closer, both her hands on his hair now. "You seem worried." She sees him crossing his arms as if to stop his hands from reaching for her.

Hermione smiles. "It's nothing. There." She says as she finishes combing his hair and he smiles at her. In that moment, just before her hands come down, the camera Harry enchanted snaps a photo of them. They both widen their eyes and laugh. "Come, let's drink something." She takes his hand and tugs him inside, thoughts of telling him about Noah and Paris, forgotten.

She fooled herself thinking Draco wouldn't invite his Team to the party. They just arrived very late. Rachel already fell asleep on a couch and Hermione conjured a silencing bubble around her and another one to cushion an unpredictable fall. There aren't that many people in the house, just the Team and a few of Ginny's friends from the Ministry. And they're all nice, except that… Sofia is there. And Hermione is having a hard time admitting to herself how jealous she is. At Christmas, the party was more formal, their families were there and all the children from Ginny's brothers… now, however, Rachel is the only child and she's asleep, so, there's no need for Harry and Sofia to hide the obvious thing they have going on. Everyone knows about it and they all seem fine with it.

But Hermione is not fine. Not at all.

At first it started as an irritation, an annoyance she couldn't quite pinpoint. Then it became just a pain in her chest, her heart beating faster and her mind thinking a thousand things at the same time. She was coping with it until Sofia sat herself on Harry's lap. Hermione saw red. She wanted to yank Sofia from his arms. Her solution was moving all her attention to the conversation at the table, which she also found extremely difficult since they were talking about Quidditch. With her glass covering her mouth she just sat there, sipping, avoiding at all costs looking at them. But even if she wasn't seeing, she knew. Her heart knew that they were on that couch talking in hushed tones and laughing together. So, it hurt nonetheless.

She presses her lips with an unnecessary force and wonders if she should just leave. Rachel is knackered and she would rather be alone in her bed than having to face Harry with another woman. She knows she has no right to be jealous, but she is. Madly. It's been a long time since she felt something like this. Maybe since Ron kissed Lavender. Maybe not even then. Of course she was also jealous at Christmas, but not as much as now-

Her head and eyes turn on their own as a loud laugh reaches her ears. Harry's laugh. She was not ready to see him embracing Sofia the way he is. One of his hands on her waist and the other one on her thigh, digging deep into her flesh as she holds him by the neck and says something into his ear. Hermione's heart stops. She swallows the lump in her throat and keeps staring at them, incapable of turning away as Harry's hand goes a little up from her waist, dangerously reaching her breast. Hermione squeezes the glass in her hand. She thinks this can't get any worse… and then Harry kisses Sofia. Hermione grits her teeth, her breathing short, tears swelling in her eyes.

Then she moves fast. She gets up and bids Ginny and Draco goodbye and a Happy New Year. It's not even midnight yet, but she can't stay there a minute longer. She strides to Rachel who is fortunately sleeping at the couch on the other side of the room. In a second she's gone with the little girl.

Hermione breathes relieved when she apparates inside the living room. The flat is all dark and she moves slowly as she takes Rachel to her crib - that they've been talking about changing to a small bed very soon. Her heart is still beating fast from the kiss she saw between Harry and Sofia and from her effort to get out of there without looking back. She kisses Rachel's head and watches as she stirs and falls back into sleep. Hermione exits the room and leans against a wall in the passageway. "Stop crying." She murmurs to herself as she brushes her tears away.

At this moment she regrets declining Noah's invitation. She could be spending the night with him and not crying in the darkness of her flat. Alone. But at least she got to spend more time with Rachel, got to see her flying and smiling in earnest. Glancing at her watch she realizes it will be 2003 in fifteen minutes. She sighs. Harry's probably returning in the morning after having a blast with Sofia, she's sure.

She was dealing fine with their messy relationship, she even thought that their friendship was slowly returning to normal, but she can't deny that after the massage and the kiss they shared under the mistletoe things have been hard. She closes her eyes, and her fingers move to her lips. She thinks about their last kiss. It was rough and sensual. Desperate. And there's nothing she wants more than to kiss him again. Kiss him without consequences, without thinking about Tessa or Noah or even Rachel. Because this is about them, isn't it? About what they want. About what we desire. The mistletoe knew.

"What's that smile?"

She opens her eyes fast, startled. Harry is right in front of her, so close she can even see a smug smile on his face as he watches her in the darkness. She opens her mouth but no sound comes out of it. He takes a step closer and that's it. There's barely any distance between them now. "You left." He states in a low voice.

"I did." Her voice wavers and she clears her throat.

"Why?"

Harry knows why. But Hermione can tell he wants to hear it from her. And she considers lying. Rachel was knackered. I wanted to rest. I don't care about New Year's celebration. Anything. But as her heart squeezes inside her chest she decides being honest with herself, with them, with this situation.

"Because I was freaking jealous." His eyes widen a little and one of his hands goes to her waist, squeezing. "So jealous I couldn't breathe."

"Yeah?" He bumps his nose into hers, gently, reassuring. "You shouldn't." He says and she feels his breath on her cheek. Her hands move to his waist. "She doesn't stand a chance against you." His words exhilarate her, quickening her heart as it beats wildly.

Hermione rubs her cheek against his as they tease each other. "I hate that I can smell her perfume on you." And it's true. It's like Sofia branded him and Hermione wished she could wash away the citric perfume. "I hate it." She repeats. Her hands move to his waistband, smoothly reaching under his sweater, her fingers going over the flesh of his stomach. She feels his muscles tensing.

Both his arms circle her. "Then make me smell like you." He whispers in her ear and she thinks her knees might give in. It's hard to think when they're this close.

Harry starts spreading kisses along her neck and her hands go up to his chest, still under his sweater, her nails scrapping lightly on his skin leaving a trail of goosebumps behind them. One of his hands is on her hair now, the other on her waist. She tilts her head to the side, letting him do whatever he wants, giving him access. He bites her, not so gently, his tongue going over the spot right after while his hot mouth goes up to her jaw. "I can't stop thinking about you." He says after a kiss on her cheek, his stubble roughly marking her skin red wherever it touches. She moves her nails to his back and when their lips meet, she digs them into his skin.

It's heaven. And hell.

Not being able to kiss him was driving her crazy. Having to keep a certain distance, always watching her steps around him, always thinking before touching… She smiles into their kiss. Their mouths were made for this, made for this encounter, we're made for each other. With a new found desire she tugs his sweater up and he leans back to help her get rid of it as fast as possible. Hermione marvels at his body, her mind shutting every rational and logical thought when he traps her against the wall and hoists one of her legs up and around him. Their mouths find each other's easily as they're both finally on the same page.

This is happening.

He holds her with a vicious grip on her thigh and waist while they kiss. She runs her hands all over him, wanting to actually leave her scent on his skin. When they can't breathe no more she tugs his hair, exposing his neck and leaving kisses and bites on him, finding a particular sensitive spot and making him groan, his hips bucking against hers. She can't help smiling as she slowly kisses him again on the same spot. His hips buck again and she closes her eyes. Feeling him, having him pressed against her this way is… everything. So much she's afraid her heart might burst.

He finally moves his head, his mouth seeking hers again as he tightens his hold on her. Grunting, he seizes her up in his arms, and she locks her legs around his waist. She realizes he's taking them to her room-

Fireworks and yells greeting the New Year startle them, Hermione totally forgot what day it was or what was happening. The lights in the sky illuminate their faces as they watch each other. Hermione sees how much he wants to do this, but she also sees some doubt, some uncertainty. She knows he's mirroring her own feelings. And then Rachel starts crying, probably afraid because of all the noise. Hermione purses her lips together when Harry's grip loosens around her and she untangles her legs from his waist, standing now. Even if he's still there, holding her, she already misses the intimacy and hotness of what they were sharing. "I forgot to set up a silencing bubble." She whispers, mentally slapping herself.

Harry sighs and looks around for his sweater, donning it. Suddenly she wants to cry. It's like she's losing something. But before he turns to go to Rachel's room, Harry takes her hand. They walk together to Rachel, her cry subsiding a little when she sees them as the fireworks still go off in the distance.

"Hey, sweetie." Harry says and takes her in his arms. "Dada and mama are here, love." A tear runs down Hermione's face, her emotions all over the place. "See?" He hugs Hermione with one arm, the other holding Rachel and the little girl settle herself in their protective embrace. Hermione hugs Harry back, not wanting to worry about what just happened, instead, wanting to spend this moment with them. Harry moves his wrist and a silencing bubble takes over the room. After a while Rachel stops crying. He turns to Hermione. "Happy New Year." He says in a low voice, and then he bents just slightly, his lips finding hers in a gentle kiss she corresponds immediately.

"Happy New Year, Harry."

The three stay there for a long time.

Nothing else matters in that moment.