Note: Hi, hello!
So, first, thanks to those who like this and always leave nice words.
What I'm about to say is to one specific guest (dinobaby) review that I think crossed a line.
I swear, some people are just so childish, it's a bit sad. This is FANFICTION. Some surely don't understand this concept. I write this whenever I have some spare time. I write this because I enjoy it and that's about it, I have no obligation whatsoever. And to be honest I'm sorry if some people are so bitter that they read the story and the only comment they can come up with is something unpleasant and ridiculous. Yeah, maybe I don't do that much research because I don't have the time. Yeah, maybe you have all the time in the world to be an ass in the comments. IN FANFICTION. I mean, good riddance to these kind of readers. I don't want you here. Maybe you should get a hobby or maybe go and create something for yourself. And don't get me wrong, I love Fanfiction, but it's so odd to me how some people take this so seriously to a point that forces them to leave such comments. I'm here using characters that already exist in a world that was created by another person and I mean, it's my story, I can write whatever I want - if you want things done your way, write your own story and I wish you readers just like yourself. This is not some scientific paper or anything like that.
Of course, you don't have to like what I write, but I AM NOT forcing you to read. Being a jerk about it is entirely up to you. And each time I get someone saying: I'm abandoning this and shit, they always come back with another complaint. Because you keep reading what you supposedly don't like. LOL. I have to laugh. But if you want to, feel free to keep boosting the reviews count, thanks by the way.
And there are so many ways to point out an error or something, I'm always so open to it. But don't call me things you have no idea of. You don't know me at all. You have no idea who I am. So, to those who are RESPECTFUL, thank you so much. I know you're nice people. I know you have a life and you understand that this is just meant to be fun.
Also, on another note, my sincere thank you to mature people who simply stop reading and don't go on the reviews announcing it expecting me to change something just because the story is not up to your liking.
I hope you enjoy this chapter.
September 28th, 2003
So, I guess this is the last time I'll be writing to you. You're finally back, Tess. You came back to us just like I've wished and prayed for all these years. And I'm happy. I really am. When you opened your eyes and I heard your voice, it was like a dream coming true. You're my cousin and I love you. I knew destiny wouldn't be that unfair to us, I knew you would have a second chance to live the life you've always wanted. And I really want you to be happy. You have an amazing daughter and a man that- Harry's love is precious. And you deserve it. Both of you. Life has been too hard on all of us for too long.
But since it's the last time I'm doing this, I don't wanna lie to you, Tess. I'm jealous. I envy you. It's an ugly feeling and I don't like it, but it nibs at my heart each time I think of you two. It makes me stay awake at night looking at the ceiling and wondering what you're doing. Wondering if you already kissed, wondering if you already found your way back to each other.
I don't think I'll ever fully recover from losing Harry. I don't think that's something that will pass with time and be just a fond memory. I loved him with all my heart like I've never done with anyone else. But I also know that we were hurting each other. I know that as long as you stayed asleep in that bed I would never be at peace.
And now, regardless everything, I'm finally at peace.
I know Rachel has her mother with her. I know Harry won't be with me because he can't be with you.
These certainties sooth me. I finally can be my own person. I finally can let go of a few things and focus on what I want. Because if I'm honest with myself… when I met Harry and Ron I was just eleven. So innocent. So hopeful. And I love both. I love them. But Voldemort and all of this mess, a fucking War, it took a toll from me. From all of us. What I did to my parents used to haunt my dreams. I had to endure torture and go through a grief so profound that- the feeling I get is that I started living when I went to Paris after my parents. It was my choice, my life. Not Harry's. Not the Wizarding World's problems.
It felt nice. I felt good.
And then, when I was about to start the internship and begin my life for real… you and Rach were there. I- her being Harry's daughter I knew I would never deny a thing to you or this little girl. And my life was on hold again. On hold while we waited for Harry.
Then, the accident.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing in my life. I wouldn't change a choice I've made, but looking back now I realize I wasn't living for myself. I was living first for Harry, for the Wizarding Community, then for you and Rach, then for Harry and Rachel.
I wanna live for me, Tess. I wanna have my own life and be free to experience.
Even if things are awkward between us, between all of us, I know we'll find our ways back to each other, but until then, be happy, Tess. I know I'll try to be.
September 30th, 2003
He can't lie. He hates the way Leonard is in Rachel's life now. The man has no rules and he doesn't impose any kind of discipline on Rachel. It's like he wants to correct all the wrongs he did when raising Tessa, so, he does the exact opposite with his granddaughter to gain some kind of cosmic pardon. He lets Rachel play and eat at leisure and each time she comes back from Tessa's she's behaving badly, defying Harry in every little thing. He knows this might be because she misses Hermione too, but he's not quite ready to enter this particular subject.
So, he keeps blaming Leonard. Rachel is not even four yet, she needs boundaries, she needs orders and routine. Harry knows this is true and this kind of education with a lot of love was working just fine for him and Hermione-
He grunts. Harry's alone at home right now, cooking. It eases his mind and he doesn't dwell on the fact that it's been twelve days since Tessa woke up and things are still a mess. He knew it wouldn't be fast, but he hoped things would go more… smoothly.
Rachel is not that welcoming towards Tessa as Harry first imagined she would be. And he knows this is about Hermione. And it angers Tessa, consequently it angers him. It infuriates him at times. He has no idea what Tessa is expecting, no idea what she wants. Rachel won't just wake up one day and call her mama and give her all the kisses and hugs in the world. It's hard for the little girl to comprehend who Leonard is or why she has to stay with Tessa for long hours- she always complains to Harry at night when he asks about her day. Her answer is: boring.
In a way it's his fault too. He's so absorbed with his cooking lessons that he thought leaving Rachel and Tessa together without his presence would be a good idea while he participates in extra lessons. But it's obviously not ideal. Rachel needs him to be present. And there's no way he's going to spend an afternoon with Leonard.
So, since yesterday, he decided that Tessa and Rachel will spend their time here, in his house. And he'll be with them all the time. Today, as soon as he fetches Rachel at School, he's going to meet Tessa and they'll buy a fucking car so he can get easily around with Tessa. He can't keep using Portkeys. And as much as he hates the idea of Tessa driving a car again, there's no way of this working without it.
The Community where he lives is very open to Muggles. A lot of Muggleborns live here and their parents have no problem at all in entering the place. They just need a car.
Yeah, so, that's it. A car and an evening together and the dinner he's cooking. Perfect.
He stops for a second, the knife in his hand. He- Harry knows it's a bit… complicate to have Tessa inside his house all the time. They're treating each other nicely and with the utmost respect, but he avoids touching her even when he sees in her eyes that she wants him to. He doesn't know what he's feeling. And this frustrates him immensely. It's like when he began to notice that there was something between him and Hermione but was reticent because of Tessa. This time he stops himself because of Hermione.
And he keeps thinking about Hermione's words on their last conversation.
She knew what she was saying. Hermione always knew. Because he feels suffocated being close to Tessa like this again. He feels lost in her eyes and he keeps wondering how it would feel like to kiss her again, he keeps questioning if it would feel the same as all those years ago. He's dreaming about her again. Just like he did when he was at the Auror Training. He dreams about Tessa and Rachel. And the family they could be and-
Then when he wakes up he thinks about Hermione. He wonders what she's doing in Paris. He mulls over what she said: that she would move on with her life, that she wanted him to be happy. And she's staying there for at least two years, which is-
He's torn. He admits it. If it weren't for the never ending doubt of what he and Tessa could be he knows that Hermione would be his choice. But, how, who in this world wouldn't want to… find out? He's ashamed by the many times he insistently professed his love for Hermione, how sure he was just to- he's behaving exactly like she accused him. Thinking what Hermione told him he would think, thinking about Tessa and the chance of having a family with her at last.
Harry feels like a jerk. He feels awful. He knows he didn't lie to Hermione. What he felt and still feels for her is real, concrete, breathtaking. But he can't, he just can't deny that he also feels for Tessa.
And for now he has no idea what he's gonna do.
Well, shit.
Maybe just worrying about dinner now is the best he can do.
October 1st, 2003
It's a beautiful day. The sun is warming her skin and Hermione can't deny that sitting outside restaurants and drinking some coffee while reading on her many cases is incredibly satisfying. Keeping a routine like this is keeping her sane. It stops her from thinking about Tessa and Harry. Tessa and Rachel. Tessa. It stops her from obsessing over the life she doesn't have anymore. It grounds her in Paris. Grounds her to her real life.
The fairy tale with Harry is over.
"Well, who would have thought."
Hermione looks up from the case she's reading. She's wearing sunglasses and it takes a moment for her to fully understand that she's looking at Ron.
He has a gentle smile on his face. And he looks so different from the last time she saw him. More adult. Serene.
She opens a sincere smile and he opens his arms, raising an eyebrow in question. Hermione has no doubt about it. Rising from the chair, she wraps her arms around him tightly. Is a nice hug. Friendly. He grunts and squeezes her even more before letting her go.
"Can I sit with you?" He asks and she nods, closing the file case and drinking her coffee.
"So." She says and a heavy silence settles between them. They're watching each other, studying what to say next, wondering how this conversation is gonna go. Hermione has a few things in her mind, but Ron is faster.
"First of all I want to apologize." He makes a face, as if embarrassed. "I was a jerk to you. Like, a big jerk."
She inevitably chuckles, and it's everything it takes to lighten the mood completely.
"Ron," She says fondly, "I don't even think you need my forgiveness or anything like that. We both made mistakes, we both said hurtful things in the end, and…" She trails, Ron sighs, he knows what she's about to say, "maybe deep down I wasn't in love with you. It wasn't sincere from my part and I'm so sorry."
He lets out a sad chuckle. "You know, this is not a surprise to me. I- Ginny told me about you and Harry." Hermione looks down, wondering when this particular subject is gonna stop hurting. If ever. "And I never imagined I would say this, but I was rooting for you two." He shrugs, "I mean, when I finally understood what happened between us I kinda of… set myself free from our teenage love."
Hermione smiles. "Yeah, I get it. That's nice to hear, Ron."
"Well, I really hope we can be friends again." He smiles.
"Me too. I would love to. Do you live here now? In Paris?"
"I do! This city is amazing, honestly. But I'm going back to London eventually, I just don't know when yet. What about you?"
"I'm currently on a program at the Hôpital here-"
"Ah, yeah, that's right. Ginny mentioned it."
Hermione clicks her tongue. "So, she's been gossiping about my life while not saying a word about yours. A bit unfair." She says in a playful tone.
Ron shakes his head. "Don't hold it against her, I asked her over and over again not to talk about me. And these things I learned about you were against my will, okay?" He's also speaking in a nice tone. Friendly. "But I'm glad she kept me on the loop on everything, I felt a bit closer to home in a way." He takes a moment to order a coffee for himself. Hermione can't help observing him. These years changed him a lot. Not physically, more like… spiritually. "So, when the program ends?"
"Well, it just started. I still have at least one year and ten months to go."
"Are you happy? Is it everything you ever wanted?"
Hermione exhales heavily. "It fucking is." She can't help smiling a bit. "Of course I miss London and-" She stops. Ron moves a bit uncomfortably, but he completes for her.
"And Harry. And Rachel. We need to talk about them if we wanna be friends again…" He sips on his coffee, charmingly smiling to the waitress.
"I know. But I don't wanna talk about this. At all." She says firmly. "It's been… terrible. And I'm doing my best to focus on my time here and moving on."
He nods. "Okay. We won't talk about them." He leans a bit forward. "Have you made friends here?"
She scrunches her nose. "It's a bit hard, isn't it?" They laugh together. "And I'm working like crazy, when I'm not there, well…" She shows him the case to make a point.
"Yeah, I get it."
"Speaking of work… how is your life? I mean, what do you do for a living?"
He laughs, shaking his head. "You won't believe this, but I'm actually an Alchemist now." Hermione opens her mouth, surprised. "Right? I mean, I learned a lot at the joke shop and I was always so invested in learning how things worked that I fully committed myself to it when I left. I've learned a lot, everywhere. And now I work as a freelancer. Currently the French Ministry wants me here, so, here I am."
"That's awesome." She says honestly, drinking more of her coffee. "But do tell me. Is there a special someone in your life?" He makes a face. "Too weird for me to ask?"
"No, it's not that." He chuckles. "It's just that… I was in a serious relationship but it ended recently and I'm a bit sore about it."
"Oh, what happened?"
He seems hesitant, but then he says, "I cheated."
"Oh, no, you idiot."
They laugh again. It's so natural. And nice. And familiar.
"I was drunk, okay? I know it's no excuse, but maybe we weren't in a good place. Or else I wouldn't have cheated and such. But this happened in Sweden and I'm pretty sure I'm not seeing her again, like ever, so, that's it. I'm single now. And I've been in Paris for like three weeks. I still need to meet someone that… clicks." A small silence settles, then, he asks, "What about you? Are you even thinking about going back out there?"
She wets her lips, uncomfortable. "It still hasn't crossed my mind. What I shared with Harry was… intense." In reality she thought she would marry him. Stay with him forever. It's so odd to picture herself with another man now…
"I get it. But, hey," He takes her hand across the table, "it'll pass. Believe me, I've been there." He winks at her and she smiles.
"Thank you. For this."
He waves a hand, dismissing the subject.
"So, I think we should go out tonight." He says, his eyes heavy on her. "Come on, Hermione, I'm sure you need to get drunk and such."
She sighs. "Honestly, Ron, I always hated when you were right."
They laugh loudly. The conversation flows easily between them and the hours go by without her even noticing.
October 3rd, 2003
It's odd being in London but not with Harry and Rachel. Hermione is with Ginny, searching for the perfect wedding dress. Their hunt so far has been fun but not that good. Ginny insists on finding minor flaws in every dress she puts on and Hermione can't help remembering that Harry went through something similar with Draco. A pair made in heaven. She snorts at her own thought and Ginny turns to her.
"Maybe I should look for my dress in Paris, what do you think?"
"Nonsense. There are perfectly amazing gowns here, Gin, you're just being picky." She points a finger at her. "In my opinion the last one was the perfect choice-"
"It made my ass too big."
"It did not! Please, you have the body of a goddess!"
Ginny smiles, "Oh my, Hermione, didn't know you were into me."
They laugh together, and Ginny goes back to looking at herself in the mirror. She decides to try the previous one again and Hermione smiles when she sees that her friend is actually agreeing with her. She looks perfect and the dress is very romantic, classical even.
"Have you found your dress?" Ginny asks, still admiring herself.
"Yes." Hermione doesn't give details, but Ginny nods… making up her mind.
"Okay, you convinced me. I think this is the one." She sounds excited and nervous. "I can't believe I'm getting married to a Malfoy in a bit more than a month!"
"Indeed." Hermione agrees, lowering her voice and inevitably thinking about Harry. He'll be there… probably with Tessa.
"Hey, cheer up!" Ginny claps her hands and sits in front of Hermione. They're in a private changing room. "How are things in Paris?"
Ginny takes a glass of champagne and waits for Hermione to answer. She follows her friend and drinks some herself.
"Amazing." It's not a lie. "I mean, Gin, it's perfect. Everything. I just fucking miss Harry and Rachel all the time." She says through her teeth. "But I can't keep doing this, I just can't."
Ginny nods, pouring more champagne for her. "Drink, Hermione, chug it down!"
She chuckles but drinks. "And I've not talked to Rachel in days!" She says in an altered voice, "I know it's because of Tessa, I know they're spending time together and I understand, in reality I hate that I'm such an understanding person, but even so! I took care of her all these years and then I'm not even allowed to talk to her?" She's a bit irritated now. "I said that I wanted to see Rachel from time to time, spend some days with her or whatever, Tessa was against it."
"What?" Ginny widens her eyes. "Why? That's ridiculous."
"Harry took my side." She murmurs, "But, so far, nothing. I haven't talked to him either and I have no idea what's happening, but I won't push. I- I don't wanna intrude." She exhales heavily.
Ginny is in silence. "You're not talking to Tessa?" She squints.
"No. She doesn't want to talk with me." Hermione scoffs. "It's like I'm the big bad wolf since she heard that me and Harry were together for a while. And she hates the fact that Rachel calls me mama. All the stuff that I was sure were going to be a problem."
Ginny clicks her tongue. "People never cease to amaze me. I mean, what is Tessa even thinking? She should be kissing your feet, honestly!" Ginny's angry. "If it were my daughter I would never ask to anyone else to take care of her but you, Hermione." She squeezes Hermione's hand. This is new to her, she never imagined- "I get it's a difficult situation, but come on!"
"In her eyes Rachel didn't need me since she had Harry." Hermione drinks some more. "Honestly, I'm not sure what to do. If I don't say a thing she'll say that I don't care about them and such, but if I do reach out, she'll say I'm being insensible in this complicated moment." She shrugs. "I can't win on this. The only solution is Harry reaching out to me, but apparently, he forgot about me, right?"
She doesn't want to ask it bluntly, but she's insanely curious to know how are things between Harry and Tessa. How they're dealing with Rachel, what's happening.
Ginny gives her a knowing look. And then, she says, "They're not together."
Hermione widens her eyes and her heart starts to beat like crazy. "They're not?" She whispers the question. She really thought that by now they would.
"Look, this stays between us because Draco told me about a conversation he had with Harry yesterday."
"You two are two gossipers, aren't you?"
Ginny chuckles, drinking more. "Do you wanna hear it or not?" Against every alarm in her head, she nods. "Things between them are tense. Apparently Harry hates the fact that Leonard is now present in Rachel's life." Hermione purses her lips. "And Tessa is very angry with the fact that Rachel does not accept her that much. She refuses to call her mama."
Hermione opens her mouth, surprised. "Fuck." She says the single word, unable to have any other reaction.
"Right? And Harry is just overwhelmed. He's trying to juggle their relationship while he tries not making a mess of everything. He doesn't want to fight with Rachel because of Tessa, but at the same time there's nothing much he can do since Tessa is Rachel's mother and all that." Ginny shrugs.
Hermione gulps, drinking some more alcohol. "I'm sure Tessa blames me."
"I think so too. But she's mistaken, Hermione. You have no guilt in this at all."
"How come?" She mumbles. "I only fucked the love of her life and allowed her daughter to call me mama." She feels like crying. "Tessa's never going to forgive me-"
"Fuck Tessa." Ginny says in a serious tone.
"Gin!"
"No! No, Gin me! You did what you had to do, Hermione! You took care of Rachel, you supported Harry! You practically brought Tessa back to life! And what the fuck is she thinking? Did you force Harry into shagging you? No! You both wanted it. If she has a score to settle it should be with him, not you." Hermione groans, she agrees. "And of course Rachel is behaving like this, she misses you. She misses the stability she had with you and Harry. It takes time. And don't get me wrong, I get it, it's an impossible situation for Tessa, but come on! Be an adult! She has to deal with this, not pout and be angry because Rachel is not calling her mama. Honestly."
Hermione is shocked by Ginny's outburst. And she has to say… "I agree." It's hard. "But I also get it. I get it." She shakes her head, stopping a few tears. "Of course I never imagined that things would be this way with Tessa back, but this is reality and we have to deal with it." She inhales deeply and a silence fills the room, then, she says, "I have some news." She wants to change the subject. "You'll never guess who ran into me in Paris…" Ginny tilts her head, making a face, "Ron."
"Oh! No way! For real?" She seems excited by it. "Did you talk?"
"Yeah, yeah. It's… we're friends again."
"Hermione! That's amazing." She smiles honestly. "How is he?"
"He's well. I mean, more mature and such. He changed a lot. To my surprise we're getting along amazingly. And don't tell this to anyone!" She points a finger at Gin. "Not Draco, anyone, okay? We don't want people to make a fuss about it."
"Fine, I promise. But let me say, it wouldn't be terrible if you two got back together-"
Hermione laughs. "No. There's no way. This boat has sailed. For good. We both agree."
Ginny makes a face. "Fine. But can you imagine? We could be sisters-in-law and such."
They keep talking about it in a friendly way. Then, Ginny decides that she's buying the dress and they keep laughing while they think about the possibility of putting together a stag party for Ginny. That's the exact mood they're in when they apparate to Ginny's house.
And Hermione loses her breath when she sees Harry standing in the middle of the living room. She was not prepared to see him. Not to mention that she's a little drunk and-
Rachel yells, running to her like a train. Hermione yelps when the girl almost knocks her down with a hug. But she laughs and kneels to hug the girl, words of how much she misses her coming out of her mouth without difficulty. She doesn't care about Harry right now. Only Rachel exists.
And they do share a tender moment. The love practically overflows. Hermione asks about what she's been up to and Rachel begins to talk in her particular way, sometimes getting difficult words right and others saying the easiest one wrongly. Hermione can't stop smiling, her heart swelling. The happiness that Rachel gives her is something she won't find anywhere else. This is unique. This bond. And how can she blame Tessa? Tessa feels this since she took that pregnancy test-
"Okay, sweetie, let mama Mi breathe." Harry crouches too, his eyes on the same level as Hermione's. They stare at each other for an infinite moment. It's- Hermione can see the love. But it's not like it once was.
She clears her throat and fetches Rachel, smiling. The girl leans her head on her shoulder and relaxes. Hermione can't describe what this moment represents to her. It's so familiar, but now so rare.
Ginny greets Harry. "What are you doing here?"
"Nice to see you too." He jokes, kissing her cheek, his eyes falling on the box of the wedding dress that she left at the couch. "I see you chose the dress."
Ginny winks at him. "I did! It's all set!"
"That's nice." Harry says, his eyes going to Hermione. Rachel is now almost asleep in her arms, holding tightly to Hermione. "I- I wanted to talk with Draco, but he's not home." He clears his throat. "But it's actually perfect that I ran into you, Hermione. Can we talk?"
She opens her mouth, glancing at Rachel. "Are you in a hurry? I- I took the day off, so, I mean, can we talk later?"
He sets his jaw but opens a small smile. Not the bright one he used to open to her. Not that smile.
"Of course. You know what? I need to head back home, but stay with Rachel. I'll come back later, is that okay with you, Ginny?"
"Sure! We'll have a girls' day, right, Rach?"
"YES!" She answers excitedly and Hermione chuckles, kissing her cheek.
Without a long goodbye, Harry apparates.
He waits for as long as he can to go back to Ginny and Draco's. He wants Hermione to spend as much time as she can with Rachel. And now, drinking alone in his kitchen, he thinks about her. He was not prepared to see her there. Almost as if she's not living in Paris now. Almost as if she was having just a nice day with Ginny and would be back home to him and Rachel soon.
He snorts, taking a sip on his beer.
Tessa took the day to try to adjust her professional life. She told Harry that she has a lot of money that her mother left her when she died, and now with her father back in her life he provides to her whatever she needs or wants. But even so, Tessa said that she wants a career, she wants to do what she loves. Harry gave her all his support, after all, she's an excellent photographer. The best. And he knows she has a future in this.
So, he was with Rachel after School and went to Draco and Ginny's, thinking about spending some time with Draco… he's been needing an honest conversation with his friend. He went there to talk about Tessa and found Hermione. Shit. And he was so happy to see her. His heart was beating like crazy and his mind couldn't deny how amazing she looked. Hermione seemed refreshed, peaceful. Happy.
He makes a face. It's not that he doesn't want her to be happy, it's just that the notion that she is without him, without Rachel… bothers him. And it's a nasty feeling. He doesn't want to be a prick. It's not like he's miserable himself. He's well. He likes it or not, he's getting used to her absence. Not having Hermione around is becoming the normal and it frightens him in a way. He wished things were different but these were their choices.
Finishing the beer, he apparates to Draco and Ginny's.
They're all at the living room, playing mimic. It's Hermione's turn and she glances at him while still doing the motion with her hands. They're probably trying to guess an object. He crosses his arms, smiling. Rachel is practically asleep on the couch, her little eyes closing on their own - she didn't even notice Harry. Draco and Ginny on the other hand are eager to discover what the hell Hermione is trying to mimic.
But he just needs a glance at her.
"A golden compass." He says.
Hermione smiles, shaking her head and pointing at him, motioning that he got it right.
Draco and Gin complain. "That's unfair!" Draco says, "You know each other too well!"
Harry wets his lips, lowering his eyes for a second. Indeed. Then, he clears his throat and comes closer to them, Hermione doesn't move, her eyes on him. He asks Ginny and Draco to keep an eye on Rachel. And in no time he's walking to the backyard with Hermione. There's a broom leaning against the wall and he inevitably remembers his last birthday. How he took her to the sky with him. How-
"So?" She asks, looking at him. "What do you wanna talk about?"
Not even an 'how are you'. Straight to the point. That's the way she talks when she wants to get over with a conversation as soon as possible. And he sees the way she glances at her watch-
"Do you have somewhere you need to be?" It was not his intention for it to come out this harshly, she squints and he raises a hand, "Sorry, I- well, I think we should talk about Rachel. I know you want to see her on a frequent basis, right?" He asks, not sure this is still what she wants.
"Of course. Yes." Hermione says fast.
He nods. "What do you think about one day and a night each weekend? Is that doable for you? For your schedule?"
She seems surprised by his words, but Harry sees the happiness in her eyes and it warms his heart. Now she's openly smiling.
"I can make it possible." She says with her eyes down, probably thinking about her hours. It makes him curious. He has no idea how her life is now. Her hours. What she does with her spare time. "You just need to warn me at the beginning of the week." He nods. "I- thank you, Harry. Really."
He sighs. "You don't need to thank me. You're her mother, Hermione."
"Don't-"
"It doesn't matter that Tessa is back." He says in a low voice. "She's Rachel's mother, but you also are." He shrugs.
"I doubt Tessa would agree with you."
"I don't care."
Hermione inhales deeply and shakes her head, snorting after. "Even if you think so, Harry, I do hope you don't speak this way in front of Tessa."
He squints. "Don't worry. I don't. We don't talk about you." He knows he wants to see her reaction at this, but it's true nonetheless. They don't mention Hermione. Ever.
The hurt flashes in her eyes and she purses her lips. "Do you want me to come and fetch her or…?"
"Since this decision is not something Tessa agrees… I think Draco and Ginny's might be the perfect place to do this." She tilts her head. "You can pick her up here on a weekend, then on the other they can take her to you and such."
"Wouldn't it be too much trouble for them?" Hermione glances inside.
"I already mentioned to Draco and he said he would gladly do it." Harry pockets his hands. An overwhelming urge to hug her fills him. He stays put, though.
Hermione opens a tiny smile. "That's nice. I- okay. Can we begin this weekend already?"
He nods. "Sure."
A silence settles. He hates it. He hates that he doesn't know what to say to her or-
"I was thinking…" Hermione begins, unsure, "do you think we should put together stag parties for Gin and Draco? After all, I'm the maid of honor and you're best man, so…" She shrugs.
He blinks at the sudden change of subject, but smiles.
"That's an amazing idea. Let's do it. I mean, I've been so swamped with things that I forgot I'm the best man."
Hermione laughs, her eyes soft. "I- how are things, Harry?"
He inhales deeply. That was all he was waiting for. He misses Hermione as his girlfriend, but he also misses his best friend. And right now he would give everything to have her there as his best friend more than anything else.
"Hard, Hermione." He says simply. "It's been way harder than I ever thought it would be and-" He stops, pressing his lips together and biting on his tongue not to cry.
She takes a step closer to him. But she does not touch him. "Hey, look at me." He does. He can't believe she's actually there and it's so… heartbreaking. "What's wrong? You're so strong, Harry. You've been through so much." Her voice is low and comforting. "Whatever is happening right now, I know you can face this. I know you have what it takes to deal with the situation. Sometimes it takes time, that's all."
He inhales deeply and cups her face with both hands, bringing her closer to him, their foreheads touching. Hermione holds his wrists, looking down. If he knew that kissing her wouldn't stir a lot of confused and impossible feelings, he would do it right now. He would kiss her till the end of the world.
But he moves and kisses her forehead, closing his eyes, his heart squeezing. She sighs audibly and takes one step forward, hugging him tightly. He hugs her back.
"Thank you." He whispers. "I- there was never a time you stopped believing in me, Hermione. Specially when I don't believe in myself."
She gently moves back and kisses his cheek. Then, with a smile on her face, she says, "You know what to do, Harry. Let it go. Things will work out. Always."
He nods, awestruck by her. And when she leaves him there to say goodbye to Rachel, he feels that she took a piece of him to Paris.
October 4th, 2003
She crumbles down on her couch, exhausted. And she groans when Ron comes from her kitchen.
"You know that you don't live here, right?" She asks in a murmur, barely moving.
He laughs loudly. "Of course, but I like coming here to eat from your fridge. You have an unhealthy obsession of stocking it to the brink even when you barely eat at home. Why is that?"
She opens a tiny smile. "I don't know. Habit, I think. I mean, with Harry and Rachel the food used to end so fast and-" She stops talking, looking down. She did her best at work today not to think about the day she had with Rachel yesterday and the conversation she had with Harry after. She practically told him to be with Tessa. She keeps doing it. She has no idea why. Maybe because I'm an idiot.
"Hey," Ron sits in front of her, a huge sandwich in his hands and a gentle look on his face. "You have to talk about them. If not with me, you need to go to a therapist or something."
She sighs. Hermione knows he's right, but she's not ready. Not yet. Because she knows that when she goes, she'll be saying goodbye to them for good.
"Not yet." She whispers and he nods.
"Okay, fine, then, we're going out."
"No. Ron, come on, I'm exhausted."
"You're a healer! Can't you heal yourself from your exhaustion? Come on, you had fun that other night, didn't you? Who knows, you can even meet that healer that you wanna shag-"
She throws a pillow at him and he complains that she'll ruin his sandwich. But she does consider his idea. Indeed. Another night when they went out to a nice night club, Hermione enjoyed herself. She danced and drank and didn't think about Harry and Tessa for the whole night. Maybe that's exactly what she needs, maybe she needs to go out and vent. Have sex. The thought is not as disturbing as it once were. She's alive. She's single and she has her needs. And Ron is right. She's insanely attracted to a healer that works with her. The guy is a hot French that speaks four languages and she's eager to find out what else he can do with his tongue.
Hermione snorts at her own thought.
"Are you thinking about the healer?" He asks while he chews. She rolls her eyes. "Oh, you are! Come on, send him a patronus and let's go." Ron raises from the little table he was sitting and keeps chewing, looking at her. Then, out of the blue, he claps loudly and Hermione stands, startled.
"What the fuck?" She squints at him. He's laughing.
"Hermione! Move! I hate seeing you mopping around, honestly."
"I need to work-"
"Enough! You're not going to work more today. Go to your room and put your sluttiest dress and let's go!"
She opens her mouth. "I don't have a slutty dress-"
"You do!" He points to her, "Now, go. I'll call the healer myself!"
And before she can answer him, Ron shoves her to the room and closes the door. Hermione bangs a hand on it, but she's smiling, convinced. She needs this. And maybe she's ready.
"She's so perfect." Tessa says, her voice low.
Harry leans on the door frame by her side. They look like fools admiring their daughter. Rachel is asleep, completely exhausted from the day they had as a family. A picnic at the park and then the cinema and the playground. Of course it ended with some ice cream that Tessa was more than eager to allow. Harry understands that she wants to make up for the time she lost, but it's a bit hard for him to deal with some decisions. He knows he and Hermione wouldn't allow this ice cream-
It hurts to think about Hermione. The conversation he had with her yesterday was kinda of… life changing. She's right. He can do this. He can manage this crisis. He's been through so much worst. And he understood what she was saying. He confirmed it today with the amazing day they had. He was still resisting the idea that now everything changed. Tessa is here. Tessa. And Hermione looked so well yesterday, she was so calm and… maybe it's time to move on. He knows Hermione is never going to abandon Rachel, but maybe she already left him in the past and-
"What's wrong?" Tessa asks, inching a bit closer to him. He gulps when she takes his hand and guides him out of Rachel's room and into the living room. "Harry-"
He stops her. "I'm fine, Tess." With a smile he continues, "I'm just still trying to grasp reality, I think." He touches her face, mesmerized by her eyes. He knows these eyes will never cease to amaze him. "I have no idea how many times I wondered if I was ever going to see your beautiful eyes again." His words come out in a whisper.
Tessa's posture changes, her expression too and she moves a bit closer to him. "I know we haven't talked about… Hermione," He sets his jaw, his heart quickening. "But I feel like we need to."
"Do we?"
"You really don't love her anymore?" The question is so direct. He wasn't quite prepared for it. But it's not a surprise. It's natural that Tessa wants to know this- "I mean, were you ever in love with her? For real?"
He makes a face, frowning. Her words are strange. "What do you mean?" His voice is low. "Of course I was."
"I-" She snorts a chuckle, a bit embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I just- I've known Hermione since forever and she never talked about you in a different way. Only as her best friend. And when we met it was clear to me that you saw her as your friend too. I- I have to be honest, Harry, when you told me about your relationship I was very surprised. I can't help wondering if it only happened because of the whole situation and-"
"Stop." He says softly. "I get what you mean, but it wasn't like that. We shared something truly intense, Tessa. Yeah, maybe the situation pushed us to it, but it was already inside us." She makes an… angry face. "I want to be as honest as possible with you. Things got real messy between us and we broke up." He inhales deeply. "Hermione is… she means so much to me that I can't put into words." Tessa crosses her arms, clenching her jaw but listening. "But we chose this. We chose to be apart and she has her life in Paris now." He takes her hand in his, his thumb caressing her skin. "And… when I was at the Auror training I thought about you every day. I- knowing that I would see you when I got back was what kept me going and-"
She shuts him with a kiss.
It takes him by surprise but he doesn't move away. In fact, his arms wrap around her. He can't be a hypocrite. He's been thinking about kissing her since she opened her eyes at the Hospital and called him love. He can't deny that since she got on her feet and came back to his life he's been thinking how it would feel to finally live their love. Destiny was cruel to them. It took their chance away but now they're getting a second one. And he's curious about it. Curious to see if they'll work out, curious to see if it's going to be everything he ever imagined.
Her tongue meets his and he squeezes her in his arms. Tessa is here. The mother of his child-
Hermione crosses his mind and he stops for a second, inhaling deeply. Harry looks down, Tessa cups his face, making him look at her.
"We owe this to ourselves, Harry." She says firmly. "I- I don't think I'll be able to be around you all the time and-" She closes her eyes. "I know it's not ideal, I know time went by for you, you lived another love, but I- I was stuck in that bed and things for me didn't change. It's like I was still waiting for you to come back from that training and now I can't help loving you. I can't help wanting you." He sighs, biting on his lower lip. "We can be a family now. The family we were always supposed to be."
Her words are true. And it's not like- he feels something for Tessa. Of course he does. His feelings for Hermione are still there, latent. But she's not here. She's not there and Tessa wants to give them a chance. She moves closer to him again, their lips meeting another time. The emotion explodes inside his chest. He remembers the way he felt when they first kissed, how he was sure he'd found someone special. He remembers how in love he felt on those two weeks they shared. Remembers how happy he felt.
Harry moves and seizes her, Tessa wraps her legs around him and he walks with her to the bedroom. Their mouths are in a battle of wishes. Inevitably he compares the kiss to the many he shared with Hermione. It- He shuts down his mind. Hermione is not here. Groaning, he tugs on Tessa's hair, moving her head and giving him better access. He can't deny that he wants this. He wants her.
He needs to know.
How it's going to be. How it's going to feel like to share everything with her. How they'll be as a family. He-
"Stop thinking too hard about this." Tessa says in a whisper, her mouth glued on his. "Harry, do you still feel something for me? Tell me the truth."
Holding her in his arms, he says the words he dreads, "I do, Tess. I still do."
She doesn't need to hear another word. Their kisses escalate and when they reach the bedroom, the dam that has been shut for so long, finally opens.