Chapter 33

Under the Tree

Harry had woken after only an hour of sleep. The calming draught had obviously worn off. He felt like a nervous wreck. His mind couldn't even focus on one thing to freak out about. He had laid on the bed and just panicked for a long time.

His mind skipped from one problem to the next and every creek of the old house had him jumping. His head pounded from using his wall so intensely the day before. He needed a headache potion and probably another calming draught. However, he didn't have either. He'd used the one calming draught from the bag the twins had given him and there hadn't been a headache potion.

He wouldn't dare wake Snape in the middle of the night to ask. He thought he'd seen potions in the bathroom cabinet but that would be stealing, and he wouldn't do that either. He and Snape seemed to be on somewhat level ground, and he didn't want to give the man a reason to be angry with him again.

Eventually Harry couldn't stand the feeling of his own skin anymore. He'd showered the night before, but he needed another. He quietly gathered his things and made his way to the bathroom. He cast silencing spells and stepped into the scalding hot water.

Hot tears spilled down his face as he scrubbed at his skin.

Yesterday had been entirely too much. He knew Snape was going to want to talk about everything he'd learned, and Harry just couldn't do it. He didn't want to talk about the Dursley's. It was bad enough that Snape knew. Why did they have to talk about it?

He'd completely broken-down last night in front of Snape. He felt mortified at his behavior.

Fred and George showing up had been shocking. He'd been so upset with them for telling. They had made him feel better last night though. He hadn't realized how much he missed them until they were there. He understood why they had told. He had felt cared for when they'd explained why they told Bill. He didn't want to be exposed but he tried to remind himself of what George had said. To try and give the adults a chance to help.

Harry's mind slipped to his interactions with George last night. He didn't know how to feel about the whole situation. He wanted so much to believe George that he wasn't broken. But how could he not be? With everything that had happened. He felt broken.

Kissing George had felt confusing. It was nice and it had made Harry feel happy and tingly, and then guilty. When the potion had taken away the buzz of alcohol his body had been flooded with shame and guilt.

George had seen right through him. Harry had felt so embarrassed. He'd been pushing so many memories down last night that he'd just freaked out again.

Harry sat down in the shower. He closed his eyes and slipped into his mind. He felt overwhelmed by all the thoughts and memories swirling around. Harry took a deep breath and began burying the memories in the deep hole in the Forrest in his mind. He knew this probably wasn't the healthiest way to manage this. He couldn't cope with it all right now though. As he got to the end of the memories he had been blindly shoving away, he came to the one of George asking to kiss him. Harry hesitated.

He still really didn't know how to feel about it. He'd been confused by the request. George had said that he wanted to show Harry that he wasn't a freak. Harry couldn't believe him. But then he had felt a swell of hope. He'd wanted George to prove that. To show him that he wasn't bad. That he wasn't dirty. With determination to move past his own thoughts he had nodded.

George had kissed him so softly. Harry had felt like his heart was going to explode. His whole body had felt tingly and buzzy.

Harry wanted to believe he was more than the freak the Dursleys had created. He wanted to think that his experiences hadn't left him dirty and broken.

He tucked the memory in a hollow in a tree. He wanted to be able to come back to that feeling. Come back to that moment where he hadn't felt so horrid. But he wasn't there now, and he didn't want to contaminate this one good memory with all the others that seemed to be rushing in his mind.

Harry sat under the tree and felt like crying. He had never really considered this part of himself. Any feelings of physical touch or romantic situations were quickly tainted with shame and guilt and shoved away.

He had felt horrible for Parvati after the Yule Ball. He had sent her chocolates and a note apologizing. They had gone on to be friendly afterwards and she had even joined the DA this year. He also felt terribly uncomfortable with his interactions with Cho this year. He knew she was using him to work through her feelings about losing Cedric. He had tried to go along but he just couldn't. Everything this year had been so terrible, and he had been doing his best to just keep his head above water.

Cho had wanted a boyfriend and Harry couldn't do that. The whole idea made him feel sick.

His thoughts drifted back to his kiss with George. Harry had never even considered kissing a boy. His uncle's words rang loud about how unnatural it was and what should happen to people like that. Harry shivered.

He had liked kissing George. He didn't know what that meant. Was this another way he was a freak? Had it just been because he trusted George? Or was it just the alcohol? Harry sighed. He didn't know. He tried to remember that the wizarding world was different from the muggle one. He tried to remember what Hermione had told him. However, his mind was having a hard time applying what he knew for fact to himself.

He'd not felt it was wrong when he'd seen Justin, Hannah, and Ernie together. Or Sirius and Remus. Yet somehow, he could not let himself feel comfortable with the idea. Honestly the idea of anything with anyone was just wrong. He was broken and dirty and destined to die. Why would he want to sweep anyone else into that?

Harry shivered again and opened his eyes, pulling himself from his mind.

He realized he'd used all the hot water and was now sitting under nearly ice-cold water.

Harry turned off the tap and stood shivering in the tub. He still felt disgusting. The shower hadn't helped. It rarely did, but in those moments, he felt he needed to do something. Showers make a person clean and by that logic a shower should make him feel clean. He wished he could feel that. He knew that it wasn't really his body but his mind's perception of his body that was unclean.

Harry sighed heavily, at least his mind felt less chaotic.

Harry plated the breakfast he had made for Snape. He'd finally shoved enough emotions down to raise his wall a little and had decided his goal was just to try and have a few calm days. He couldn't handle more right now. He was exhausted physically and emotionally, and he just wanted to rest.

He had felt restless just lying in bed though. So, when he had heard Snape starting to stir, he had ventured downstairs and started breakfast. He had gone back and forth on having a cup of coffee. He would never dare drink his uncles, but he hoped Snape wouldn't be too upset. He needed the boost today. He'd hardly slept since he'd been here and the last two nights he'd gotten almost no sleep.

Harry sipped his coffee and flipped the page in the book he was reading. He was doing his best to remain calm and hoped Snape wouldn't start anything this morning. He was not prepared to talk about yesterday.

Snape swept into the kitchen and took his seat with a gruff 'good morning'. Harry had only nodded. The man clearly needed his coffee in the morning.

When Harry noticed the man's plate was empty, he cleared the table and refilled his mug. Harry washed the plate and his own coffee cup. The coffee did seem to be perking him up, but it was also souring his empty stomach. The twins had tried to reassure him that he could eat. That Snape wasn't punishing him with no food. He still couldn't bring himself to just eat. He was too stressed, and he didn't want to be wrong and eat when he wasn't allowed.

"I plan to work in the back garden today. Would you care to assist me?" Snape asked casually, not raising his eyes from his morning paper.

Harry remembered Snape saying he planned to work on the house. He had said Harry didn't have to help him, but Harry was in trouble again. So, did that mean he needed to help? He wasn't sure. He'd agree just to go outside though. He needed some fresh air. He felt like he was suffocating in the house.

"Yes, sir." Harry said as he wiped the kitchen table.

Snape raised his coffee cup and Harry wiped under it. Then he stepped back quickly. He didn't want to stay this close to Snape.

"Very well. I need to go to town and get a few things from the nursery. Do you want to join me?" Snape asked.

Harry's mind froze for a minute. Snape knew he was Max now. Would Snape want him to go to town as Max? Or as he was? What if they ran into Mary? How would they explain that? Harry felt his heart start to pound again. He didn't know and he couldn't ask. He felt a lump in his throat. Would Snape be upset if he said no? Was he actually being given an option?

Harry took a breath. If he didn't calm down, he'd push himself right into another panic attack.

"No, Sir." Harry said over the lump.

Snape looked over his paper at him. He seemed to be studying Harry for a moment then he nodded.

"That's fine. I will return shortly." Snape said, standing and leaving the room.

Harry felt shaky. Snape was acting odd again. He wondered if Fred and George had said to much to him last night.

He didn't know what he had been thinking letting them talk to Snape.

Harry's anxiety began to build again. He cleared the table of Snapes cup and the paper and then began cleaning everything he could think of to help calm his nerves.

Severus walked the main street in town. Potter had been jumpy this morning and he'd looked exhausted. He'd noticed the cup of coffee and wondered if the boy had eaten anything. He'd insist the boy ate something when he returned.

He made quick work at the nursery and was soon headed back home. When he passed the Book Nook, he made a mental note to come and speak with Mary this week. The shop was closed on Sunday, and he wouldn't bother the woman at home on her one day off.

When Severus opened the front door, he was hit with the smell of cleaner. He stepped in and saw that the hall had been scrubbed. Potter was on his hands and knees at the end of the hall, near the laundry room, scrubbing the floor.

Severus sighed.

He walked down the hall a little and stopped by the storage cupboard under the stairs. He didn't want to crowd Potter, but he also didn't want to shout across the house.

"Potter." Snape called.

Potter's head shot up immediately.

He looked around a little and paled. Severus kept his tone even. He didn't know what had Potter so upset, but he'd picked outside work today to get Potter out of the house.

"Did you eat this morning?" Severus asked neutrally.

Potter shook his head, his eyes wide and fearful. They kept darting to Severus' side.

Severus was confused until he realized he'd kind of boxed the boy into the hall. Severus took a few steps back so Potter could go into the kitchen if he wanted to.

Potter stood shakily.

Severus sighed. Potter had that 'scared rabbit ready to dart' look again.

"I'd like you to eat before we go into the garden. I'm going to change into something more appropriate." Severus informed him. Then made his way upstairs.

When Severus returned to the kitchen he found Potter cleaning again. Severus sighed. He wondered how he'd missed the anxious way the boy cleaned everything. He'd dismissed it the first few days thinking that Potter had just been trying to get out of trouble sooner. However, it was now so obvious that it was much more than that.

"Did you eat?" Severus said from the door.

Potter flinched at the sound of his voice and then turned to him.

"Yes, sir." Potter mumbled.

Severus sighed. He had decided on his walk to town that he would give the boy the week before they talked. He'd had many things he wanted to address but they could all wait a few days. He did want to speak to Potter before they returned to the school though. He would need to talk to Black and Lupin that day. Unfortunately for Potter because they were his parents and not just potential guardians, they could request his entire medical chart. He also planned to take Potter to Poppy to see what they could do about some of his issues.

"Very well. I would like to talk to you for a moment if you'll join me at the table." Severus said.

Potter nodded and they both took their seats.

"I have read over the diagnostic tests we ran yesterday." Severus started.

Potter paled and blushed at the same time. Severus felt sorry for him. He hated this part with his Slytherins as well. He wasn't trying to expose them. He only wanted to help, but he needed to understand the problems in order for them to be addressed.

"I'm not trying to talk about it right now. All right?" Severus said a little softer.

Potter glanced up through his fringe and then nodded.

"Good. I would like to give us both a little bit of down time this week. A lot has happened recently, and I think we could both use a break. You are still on restriction today. Tomorrow you can go out if you choose. The rules will remain the same. I expect you to be back by dark. It's for your own safety. Now I'm going to ask you a question and I want an honest answer. Do you understand?" Severus said.

"Yes, Sir." Potter said flatly.

"Are you in pain?" Severus asked.

He'd not checked in with Potter yesterday about the wounds he was actively trying to heal.

Potter looked down at his hands that were twisting in the hem of his shirt and shrugged one shoulder.

Severus sighed.

"Are you healing?" Severus asked.

Potter nodded.

"May I see?" Severus asked softly.

Severus watched as all of Potter's muscles stiffened.

Severus didn't want to make Potter uncomfortable. But he also didn't want the infection to come back. The boy had been burning up with it when they had caught it on Friday.

"I won't make you. And I promise I won't touch you. I just want to make sure your healing properly." Severus explained.

Potter hesitated for a moment and finally nodded.

Severus watched as Potter pushed the sleeve of his shirt up his arm. He was surprised at how well everything looked to be healing. The damage was surely going to scar. Though he hoped to get the boy some scar cream to help.

"Would you allow me to see your side. I'd like to check that the infection has resolved." Severus asked calmly.

Potter shot him a weary glance and shook his head.

"That's okay. Does it seem to be healing like your arm?" Severus inquired.

"Yes, Sir." Potter muttered.

Severus hated how afraid the child was. He didn't know if things had been less antagonistic between them if it would make any difference. However, their history certainly wasn't helping now.

"Would you like a pain potion?" Severus asked.

"No, Thank you." Potter said, meeting his eye.

Severus nodded.

"Very well, I expect you to take it easy this week while you finish healing. If you would like to join me in the garden it would be appreciated but it is not expected. I would like you to tell me if you start having more pain then you can manage. There's no reason to suffer in silence." Severus said.

"Yes, Sir." Potter muttered.

"I would like to discuss your exam on Thursday before we return to the school on Friday. I intend to have Madam Pomfrey help me come up with a treatment plan for some of the issues that were discovered." Severus said quietly.

Potter's shoulders sagged. He looked dejected.

He sighed softly and nodded.

"What are we doing in the garden today?" Potter said in a flat tone.

Severus knew he was trying to move away from the topic. Severus let him. They could have a few easy days and come back to this conversation.

Severus stood and began explaining his plan for the garden as he walked out the door. Harry following behind.

Harry took a deep breath when he finally heard Snapes door close. He'd been laying wide awake for nearly an hour trying to sleep. Today hadn't been horrible. He and Snape had worked well together in the garden.

They hadn't talked more then necessary and the fresh air had made him feel more calm.

When the work had been completed, Harry had quickly showered and then made a simple dinner.

Snape had briefly brought up the twins talking to him the night before. He informed Harry that he was sorry there had been a miscommunication about food. He had told Harry that he was welcome to eat anything he wanted, whenever he was hungry. He also informed Harry that even if he chose to leave the house this week, Snape still expected him to eat at least two meals a day to help him put on some weight.

Harry had felt embarrassed. He'd always been hyper aware of his small stature but having it pointed out made him very self-conscious.

Harry had quickly cleaned up dinner and made his way to the guest room.

Once he hadn't been busy with other things his mind had been flooded with too many thoughts. Now here, he found himself wide awake.

Harry sat up and created the ball of light in his hand. He made it float above him and took some deep breaths. The room felt suffocating.

He debated what he wanted to do. Sleep was clearly not coming to him.

With a sigh he grabbed his bag and dug around until he found his letters. He'd put off reading them.

He opened the one from the twins first. He felt it was the safest option since he had seen them yesterday.

Harry

We're sorry. We didn't talk to Bill to hurt you. We were so afraid they'd send you back to your relatives. Bill says he doesn't think Dumbledore will. Sorry you're stuck with Snape. Don't let the git get you down. We've got a bag of stuff for you. Maybe we can get it to you soon. We love you and we hope you know that. We'll always be here for you. We understand if you're mad, but we hope you will understand that we did this to make sure you were safe.

Gred and Forge

Harry smiled at the note. He was thankful to have Fred and George in his life. Things had always been difficult in his life, but they were the ones that made it seem bearable. They helped him carry the load.

Harry set the letter aside and debated between the one from Ron and the one from Mrs. Weasley.

With a sigh he opened the one from Mrs. Weasley.

Harry

I'm extremely disappointed in you. You know how dangerous things are right now. How could you run away like that? Do you have any idea how upset everyone has been? We've been worried sick. Wasn't that trip to the Ministry enough of a wake-up call? You could have gotten someone killed. What would have happened if someone got hurt looking for you?

We've been trying to get Dumbledore to agree to have you with us. Severus doesn't know how to handle a child in the house. Honestly, what are they thinking? Don't worry dear, will have you here soon. Arthur and the children are all glad you're safe. Please don't do anything else so foolish. Will see you soon.

Molly

Harry swallowed thickly. She was right. He had been thoughtless running off. He had been trying to protect them by not showing up at the Burrow or staying at Grimmauld. Maybe he should have just stayed at Privet Drive. His Uncle had hurt him before. He'd even nearly killed him before. Maybe he should have just toughed it out. He still didn't want to go to the Burrow. He missed his friends, but he didn't want to face the disappointed faces of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.

Harry sighed and set the letter aside.

Harry opened the last letter and found it was written in their code.

Parts of the letter were clearly written in Hermione's neat flowy handwriting and parts were written in Ron's messy scrawl.

Harry

I'm so glad you're okay. We were so worried about you. Why didn't you tell us you were going to leave your relatives? Why didn't you come to the Burrow? Professor Dumbledore came and talked to us as did Professors Lupin and Snape. They asked so many questions we couldn't answer. What is going on Harry? I know you don't like it at your relatives, but this was really dangerous.

I know you are probably upset to be staying with Professor Snape, but perhaps you can try again with Occlumency. I know it was a struggle but it's also important for you to learn. Try and get your summer homework done. Ron is dragging his feet. I've already got mine completed, of course. They don't want us sending owls, so I guess please try and reply. Perhaps Professor Snape will hand a letter off to Fred and George.

Hermione

Hey mate,

Bill said you're with the greasy git. We overheard my parent's talking, sounds like he almost died. I'm sure that hasn't improved his mood. Mum and Dad and the twins have been pushing to get Dumbledore to let you come here. Fred told us the Dumbledore is apparently your Magical Guardian, so I guess that's why he gets to pick where you go. Still think it's bloody awful. Dean showed up a few days before we went to Romania. He had quite the story. It's been fine having him here, other than he and Ginny making eyes at each other. Dean says he might go to Seamus's but were not sure yet.

Let us know what has been going on. Hermione has been going mental. Hope we can see you soon.

Ron

Harry sighed and set the letter down with the others.

He couldn't explain to them what was going on. Entirely too many people already knew. He didn't know what to say to them. Hermione's part of the letter had been nearly as upsetting as Mrs. Weasley's. He knew that he'd scared them by running off but it was hardly the first time. And past that he had managed himself just fine. He was fine.

He thought Hermione would understand that after everything they'd been through.

He needed to calm down and think before he replied.

Harry folded the letters and shoved them back in his bag. He grabbed the novel he'd been reading and got comfortable.

Harry ran out of the house, bag slung over his shoulders. The warm morning sun on his face felt wonderful. He'd not slept at all that night. He and Snape had done their normal morning dance. Once they'd had breakfast and he'd cleaned up, Snape had told him he was free to do as he pleased.

Harry scooted around the side of the house and shifted before taking off down the road. He was so glad to be free of Snapes house. Then he slowed. Snape knew he was Max now. Mary knew that Max was Harry.

Harry's recent betrayal by the twins had been forgiven but not forgotten. He wasn't sure how he felt about going back to Mary if what he said and did might get back to Snape. With a deep sigh he turned and started walking through the neighborhoods. He was too exhausted to do much anyway.

Harry made his way to the park he had found. He sat under the tree by the pond. He'd been so excited about going back to Cokeworth he hadn't thought about how this last few days might effect that life. He just wanted his little bit of normal back. The disappointment boiled in his chest.

His mind started to circle again. He'd kept himself distracted with chores yesterday and reading last night. Now his mind was filling up again. He thought about the impending conversation with Snape. He wished they could just push it off. Maybe forever. Nothing good would come of it. Harry would just be further humiliated.

Then he wondered what his next meeting with Sirius and Remus would be like. They'd both been upset with him the last time he saw them. He didn't want to disappoint them more. It seemed like the only thing he could do recently. His mind briefly flashed to what he had seen in the mirror. He felt tears sting at his eyes.

Harry rubbed his eyes trying to stem the tears. He didn't know how one breakdown at the Sundown had brought crying back to his life. Before then it had been years since he'd cried. Now it felt like he couldn't get through a day without crying like a baby.

Harry retrieved his book and leaned against the tree. With a deep breath he began to read. He just needed to distract himself.

A short while later, a raven landed in the tree above him and began to croak. Harry looked up and noticed the bird was focused on the low bushes near the pond. Harry looked but saw nothing. Looking back up at the bird, Harry was surprised when something black ran straight up him. Tiny claws bit into his chest and then the thing darted up the tree.

Harry jumped to his feet and looked into the tree.

He heard meowing and then the raven flew off. Harry spotted the small black kitten in the tree. He hoped it would be able to get down on its own. The raven landed in another tree close by. The raven then cawed at the cat and the cat meowed back.

Harry laughed a little at the interaction.

He sat back down and went back to his book ignoring the noisy animals.

Harry's eyes were beginning to droop as he read. Then he was startled by something soft rubbing up against his hand.

Harry looked to see that the kitten had come down out of the tree.

"Hello." Harry said softly and raised his hand to touch the kitten.

The kitten eagerly bumped into Harry's hand, and he smiled.

"Have you given up your conversation with the raven, Edgar." Harry chuckled.

The kitten's ears almost seemed too big, and they had small tufts of fur sticking off the tips. His blue eyes were curious and with careful paws it climbed into Harry's lap.

Harry smiled down at the little thing. It curled up and began purring.

"Make yourself at home." Harry said wryly, shaking his head at the kittens antics.

He opened his book back up and continued his story.

The sun was high when the kitten climbed off his lap and began chasing bugs in the long grasses around the tree.

Harry retrieved his sketchbook and started to draw the little black kitten.

When he'd drawn for nearly an hour his hand began to shake, and he set down the sketchpad. With a defeated sigh he put everything back in his bag. He rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted but he didn't want to return to Snapes.

He wanted to sleep as Akela. That form had been the only restful sleep he'd gotten all summer.

Harry stood and glanced around the park. When he saw no one, he waved his hand and shrunk his bag. He shoved it deep in his pocket and made his way into the dense bushes around the Pond. He was surprised to hear leaves crunching behind him and turned to find the kitten at his heels.

"I'm not sure you're going to care for this, Edgar." Harry said as he continued into the bushes.

When he found a clearing that offered sufficient coverage he shifted into Akela.

Near the edge of the clearing, the kitten sat watching him with his head tipped to the side. Harry stayed still and waited to see what it would do.

The cat stretched and slowly walked towards the large dog. Harry was surprised. He figured the kitten would take off when faced with something so much bigger then it. When the cat reached him, it arched its back and rubbed up against Harry's chest.

Harry wagged his tail. He was happy that his furry little friend wasn't running away from him.

Harry stretched his body. It felt wonderful to be back in this form. Perhaps he'd just become the local stray and stay here in this form. Harry sniffed around the small clearing. When he didn't smell anything dangerous, he circled and lay down. The hot July sun baked into his dark fur, making him warm and cozy. He laid his head on his paws and closed his eyes. The kitten snuggled up next to him and with a sigh Harry drifted off to sleep.

Harry woke to the setting sun. He languidly stood and stretched. He shook the loose debris from his fur and shifted back to human form. He yawned and looked around. Nothing seemed to have changed. Other than the kitten was gone. He felt like it had been a bit of a waste to have slept his day away, but he'd needed it. The sun was just now setting. He would be able to make it back to Snapes on time. He retrieved his bag from his pocket and resized it. Then headed back out of the bushes.

Harry shifted back to his boy-who-lived form and entered the house. He closed the door softly and made his way down the hall. He noticed Snape was in the office. It looked like he was marking. Snape had never returned his essays. He briefly wondered if the man had just tossed them thinking he had cheated. He wouldn't be surprised. Snape had destroyed his work before, and these essays were better than he usually allowed himself to do.

Overhearing Snape and McGonagall yesterday talking about his schoolwork had been upsetting. It was just another way he'd apparently been too transparent. He had decided to do his best this time since he would be dead if he went back to his relatives either way.

Harry went about making dinner and then with a deep breath went to let Snape know the meal was ready.

Harry knocked on the open door.

Snape looked up from his desk.

"Dinner's ready." Harry said softly.

Snape looked up at the window and seemed a little shocked. Clearly, he'd lost track of time.

"When did you get back?" Snape asked.

"About an hour ago." Harry answered.

Snape nodded and rubbed his eyes before standing and stretching his back. The popping sounds almost made Harry snicker, but he held it in. Today had been the first day in a while that the day had been okay. He didn't want to ruin it by being punished for laughing at Snape.

Harry returned to the kitchen and filled two glasses with water. Then he took his seat and waited for Snape to join him.

Once there plates were filled, the two of them ate in silence.

"I trust you stayed out of trouble today." Snape said.

"Yes, sir." Harry responded.

Technically he'd broken a few of Snapes rules. He'd done magic to shrink his bag and he had shifted into Akela. He didn't like breaking rules, but he'd gone nearly all week with no sleep, and he had needed it. His wandless magic wasn't traceable, and he had not been in Snapes house when he'd shifted.

Snape scrutinized him for a moment and Harry pulled up his wall. Not all the way but a little just in case.

They finished there meal and Harry cleaned up. Then he made his way upstairs for a shower.

When he was bathed and had applied the salve to his road rash he climbed into bed. His mind spun with too many thoughts. He waited until Snape went to bed and like the night before he created the ball of light and read until the sun came up.

Harry fell into a routine of sorts. He'd read all night. Have limited conversation with Snape at breakfast and dinner. Then draw and nap as Akela in the park. He missed Cokeworth but was still hesitant to return. Things were okay right now. They weren't great, and he'd nearly become nocturnal but that was fine.

Severus groaned as he climbed the stairs from the basement. He'd spent the morning brewing. He had finished his summer marking and lesson planning yesterday. Things finally were starting to feel like a normal summer. Potter was gone most of the time. He always disappeared right after breakfast and returned to make dinner. He'd not planned to have Harry continue cooking, but he'd be lying if he hadn't enjoyed the meals.

Today was Wednesday and once again the boy had disappeared after breakfast. He glanced at the clock in the kitchen and noticed it was just afternoon. He pulled open the fridge and noticed they were getting low on groceries. He supposed he should make a trip to town. Perhaps he'd catch a glimpse of Potter's 'Max' disguise and possibly talk to Mary if she was free.

Severus had kept his eyes peeled for the boy as he'd walked to town but hadn't seen him. Though he supposed he had never told the boy he had to stay in one disguise. He could be anyone on the street. When he reached the Book Nook, he glanced in the window. It didn't look like anyone was there.

The bells on the door chimed as he stepped in. He took a deep breath and appreciated the smell of old books. This store held so many memories of his childhood. It was one place he hadn't been able to give up.

"Welcome." Mary's voice called from the back.

Severus stepped further into the shop and glanced around. The shelves had begun to collect a little dust again and the front window had lost its glossy shine. Perhaps Potter hadn't been here as he suspected. Mary had said he'd worked at the Grocery as well, maybe he'd been working over there the last couple of days. He hoped the boy wasn't getting up to trouble.

"Severus. Nice to see you." Mary said.

Her eyes dimmed a little seeing him, as if she'd been hoping someone else was here. Severus didn't take it personally.

"Hello." Severus said.

"What can I do for you?" Mary asked.

"I was curious if your runaway ever showed back up. I never heard anything and since I was coming to town, I figured I'd check in." Severus said neutrally.

"Max showed back up. He's doing fine. Is there anything I can get for you today." Mary said shortly.

Severus raised his eyebrow. Mary had practically been begging him to help the boy the last time he'd seen her. She must have figured it out. Damn. Well, there was nothing for it he supposed. He just hoped she hadn't said too much to Potter.

"You know who the boy is, don't you?" Severus said with a sigh.

Mary's shoulders fell.

"You found out. Is he okay?" Mary asked, walking over and taking a seat in one of the armchairs.

Severus followed.

"The boy had rather severe road rash that had become infected. He's healing fine now. When did you discover who he was?" Severus asked looking out the front window.

Mary sighed again.

"The first day he came back. He wasn't wearing his contacts. As soon as I saw his eyes I knew who he was. He begged me not to tell you he'd been here. He's a sweet boy Severus. He's not anything like the boy you've always described." Mary said worriedly.

Severus nodded.

"I'm aware. Has the boy been here the past few days?" Severus asked.

"No, I haven't seen him in almost a week. He fixed my roof on Thursday. We had supper and talked for a while. I suppose we lost track of time. The sun had gone down and he left the house in a dead run. I hope you didn't punish the boy too harshly. He was so skittish when he showed up here. I think he needed the break." Mary said softly.

Severus thought about that day. Potter had been acting jumpy when he'd left the house. The roofing explained his hands. He was surprised that the boy knew what he was doing.

Severus wondered where Potter had been going if he hadn't been here.

"Have you said anything about…About Lily and me?" Severus asked cautiously.

Mary shook her head.

"No, I think you should though. Poor dear didn't even know his mother was from here. He found out sometime while he was staying here. He didn't say how he'd found out. I can't believe they let Petunia have custody of him. Spiteful girl. He's convinced he's being sent back. I tried to get him to talk to you. Told him that you might be able to help him. Please help him Severus." Mary pleaded.

"I'm trying. I won't let the boy go back." Severus said firmly.

"Do you have any idea where he might have gone? He's been leaving every day and he's gone all day. I'd assumed he'd returned here." Severus inquired.

Marry looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I'm not sure. I haven't seen him at all. He spent most of his time here or at the grocery. I've talked with Maggie and Julie nearly every day. If they'd seen him, they'd have said something." Mary said.

Severus nodded.

"Very well. I think I'll do the rest of my shopping. Perhaps I'll find him." Severus said standing from the chair.

"Let him know I'd like to see him if you will. I owe him for the work on the roof and I've gotten in a few books that I think he'll like." Mary said.

Severus nodded.

"I'll let him know." Severus said.

Mary stood from her chair and held something out to Severus.

"I found this. I think it would be nice for him to have it. But I'll let you decide." Mary said.

Severus took the paper and turned it over. His breath caught in his chest. It was a picture of him and Lily. They were sitting in the chair Mary had just stood up from, with a large book splayed over both of their laps. It was from the first summer they had known each other.

Severus nodded and tucked the photo into his pocket.

"I'll consider it." Severus said a little thickly.

Mary gave him a tight smile and he swept out of the store.

Severus made his way down the road and glanced into shops as he went. He didn't see any sign of the boy. When he got to the diner, he decided he'd have lunch.

He usually only ate there a few times a summer. As a child he'd never had money to eat there. Then he'd avoided it once he and Lily had their falling out. She'd gotten a summer job there and he'd been avoiding her.

When he'd returned to Cokeworth after his father's death he just avoided everyone. The drunk had been a menace to town for years. He'd slowly built his own reputation and watched the town rebuild itself. Now it was a quick place to get a bite to eat on days he had to shop.

With a last glance down the street, he stepped into the diner.

"Take a seat anywhere." Jane called as she bustled around refilling drinks.

Severus had a quiet lunch and then made his way to the grocery store. Once he'd collected everything he needed, he headed back home. He never saw Potter.

He wanted to confront Potter and make sure he hadn't been leaving town. The only reason Cokeworth was safe was because of the wards. However, similarly to his relatives if he left the wards the protection was useless. Although unlike those wards Potter might actually be safe inside these ones.

With a sigh he decided to brew until dinner. He and Potter could have a chat after.

Severus was alarmed when he looked up from his brewing and saw how late it was. He quickly wiped his hands and made his way upstairs.

Potter was startled when the basement door opened.

He dropped a spoon he'd been using to stir some kind of sauce. Potter grabbed a washcloth from the counter and dropped to his knees mumbling as he scrubbed at the spot.

Severus stepped closer and realized the boy was repeating sorry over and over.

Severus saw Potter stiffen as he stepped closer.

Severus sighed.

"Potter." Severus said softly.

Potter's fearful eyes darted to his.

"It's okay. I'm sorry that I startled you." Severus said.

Potter nodded.

Potter stood and took the spoon to the sink. Severus noticed how shaky Potter was, so he set the table and moved the food as Potter washed a couple of dishes.

"Come on Potter, let's eat." Severus said lightly.

He knew the boy could get stuck in cleaning loops and he didn't want him to miss eating because of it.

Potter looked surprised and worried.

Severus felt anger swell in his chest but kept the emotion from his face. He wished he could kill Potters relatives. He and the boy had spoken briefly on Sunday that he wouldn't take away the boys food for any reason. It was obvious that Potter thought he wasn't going to get to eat because he'd dropped a spoon. A spoon. While he was the one cooking. Severus tucked his anger away behind his occlumency walls and dished up the delicious smelling food.

Potter hesitantly sat at the other side of the table and waited. He looked exhausted. Severus wondered if he hadn't been sleeping or if he'd been over doing it wherever he'd been going.

"How was your day?" Severus asked casually.

Potter shrugged.

"Fine, sir. Yours?" Potter said quietly glancing up at Severus as he reached for the serving spoon.

Severus looked him in the eye and nodded. He would not let Potter, not eat. He'd been sick when he'd realized the child hadn't been eating because he thought he wasn't allowed.

"My day was all right. I ran some errands in town and brewed. I've nearly caught up with my summer work." Severus said casually.

He kept an eye on Potter and noticed his shoulders tense, but the boy didn't look alarmed. Whatever he was doing he apparently wasn't too worried about it.

"I'm glad you're getting caught up. What…Um…" Potter trailed of and fiddled with his fork.

Severus raised his eyebrow. The boy seemed to be attempting to have a conversation but seemed unsure. Severus saw this as a good sign that he was getting comfortable here.

"Go ahead and ask Potter. I can't possibly answer a question I haven't heard." Severus said nonchalantly as he got another forkful of food.

"Oh...Um...I…I was just curious what you'll do with…Um With the rest of your summer now, Professor." Potter mumbled.

Severus gave a half smile.

"I intend to do some reading, work more on the house, and do some experimental brewing." Severus said.

Severus noted that Potters eyes lit up when he mentioned the brewing he planned to do.

"Do you have an interest in experimental brewing, Harry?" Severus asked.

Potter looked back down at his plate and shook his head.

"No, you know I'm rubbish at brewing, Sir." Harry responded.

Severus quirked an eyebrow and wondered if that was true. He'd clearly been hiding a lot of skill. If his essay was anything to go by, Harry understood more about potions then many of his NEWT level students.

"Is that so?" Severus asked.

Potter blushed and took another nibble at his food.

"Hm…Well if your summer becomes boring, I suppose I could use an assistant in the lab." Severus said casually.

They finished there meal and Severus considered bringing up his conversation with Mary but decided against it. He'd like to see what the boy was doing with his day. He decided he would follow Potter tomorrow. They were already going to have their conversation about his exam tomorrow and perhaps Severus would learn something that would help him ease into that conversation.

Harry hadn't slept again. Choosing instead to read all night. He'd had a rough day. He'd wanted to sleep as Akela but there had been too many people in the park for him to shift safely. He'd brought pen and paper to work on letters to his friends but had become overwhelmed with all that had happened and not knowing what to say.

When he'd gotten home last night, he'd thought Snape was out and went ahead and made dinner. When the professor had emerged from the basement it had nearly sent him into a full panic. Then the man had just been kind and talked to him. It had almost been a comfortable conversation.

Now he was once again almost two days without sleep and struggling to make a simple breakfast. He'd already had a cup of coffee and honestly other than making him slightly jittery it didn't seem to be making much of a difference.

He was anxious about tonight. He knew Snape wanted to talk about the exam. Harry was thankful the man had given him a few days, but he was still not ready for that conversation. Honestly, he didn't think he ever would be.

"Have you still been applying your salve." Snape asked from somewhere behind him.

Harry startled slightly having not heard the man enter the kitchen.

"Yes, I think they are mostly healed now." Harry answered.

Snape nodded.

They ate in silence as they often did.

Harry packed his bag and prepared to head to the park as he'd done the past three days. He hoped there wouldn't be anyone there today. He really needed sleep.

Severus waited in the front yard. He'd closed the basement door a little loudly and then disillusioned himself. He'd cast an aura suppressing charm as well. He had learned it in school when Lily had informed him that she could still see his aura even when he was disillusioned.

The door opened and Potter stumbled out. He had dark circles under his eyes that Severus hadn't noticed at breakfast. He was clearly exhausted.

Severus watched as the boy ducked around the side of the house and came back looking different.

Severus was a little shocked at the child he was looking at.

Severus wondered if Potters base form was 'Max'. Potter now matched the description Mary and Maggie had given him. Even the freckles. And this child definitely looked more like Lily and James with some of Black and Lupin also mixed in.

Unlike the Potter he was used to seeing, who looked just like his father with his mothers eyes. He now looked more like Lily with his father's complexion. The long dark hair made him look a bit like Black and the boy's facial structure actually reminded him of Lupin. It was strange to know that the boy was a little of all of them.

Potter headed off and Severus cast a silencing spell at his feet and followed.

Severus felt his heart skip a beat and his palms sweat a little as he realized where they were headed.

He'd not returned to the park since he and Lily had there falling out at the end of their fifth year. It was there place. It was where they'd met and where they'd spent nearly all there time.

Severus followed as Potter headed across the park. When the boy reached the pond, he dropped his bag at the base of the tree.

Severus was startled slightly by a raven croaking from the tree.

"Good morning, Nevermore. Is Edgar up there with you?" Potter said looking up into the tree.

Severus nearly snorted at the boy for talking to the noisy bird.

The raven squawked again, and Potter settled under the tree. He watched as Potter pulled a few things from his bag. He was a little surprised to see that one of the items was a sketchbook. He wondered if the boy was any good. He and Lily had done plenty of doodling as children though neither of them had any notable talent.

Potter pulled some papers from inside his bag and set them on top of his sketchbook. Severus stepped closer and saw that they were letters. He assumed they must be the ones he'd passed to the boy. He knew he shouldn't read them, but his curiosity was piqued. He leaned against the tree and looked down over Potters shoulder. The first was from the Weasley twins. It was an apology of sorts. Severus supposed they'd talked it out when they'd come to the house. Potter folded it and tucked it back in his bag.

The next from Molly was more problematic. Not only was the woman questioning Severus ability to watch the boy but was also guilting him for running away. While Severus agreed to some level, knowing what he did now, he couldn't imagine how hurt Harry must be reading the letter.

Severus was surprised to see a black Maine Coon kitten run up and land in Potters lap.

"Hello, Edgar." Potter said a little tearfully.

The kitten climbed up Potter and perched on his shoulder.

Severus wondered where the cat had come from. It wasn't very old, but he didn't know anyone in town that had a Maine Coon, and they were a rather expensive cat.

Potter flipped to the next letter. Severus squinted at the mess of letters, numbers, and symbols on the page. He couldn't make any sense out of it.

"I don't know what to tell them." Potter said softly as he pet the kitten.

The cat meowed and rubbed against Potters head.

"Maybe I should just write 'Sorry I'm a broken mess and you'd be better off without me.' But how do I write that without hurting their feelings? I don't want them to get hurt but everyone around me always does." Potter sighed wearily.

Severus' heart sunk a little at that. Potter put far too much on his own shoulders. The boy wasn't responsible for the war, nor the pain and suffering that came with it.

The raven began to caw again, and the kitten took off up the tree.

"Ow. Watch the claws." Potter groused, watching the cat climb up into the branches of the old tree.

"Don't stay up there all day again. I'm exhausted." Potter said.

Severus raised an eyebrow at the nonsense statement.

If the boy was so tired, he should just head back to the house and sleep.

Severus wondered if the boy had saved the cat from the tree. He almost laughed at the thought, remembering what he'd said to Mary about 'Max' and his heroics.

Severus stepped away from the tree and looked out at the pond. He could nearly hear Lily's laugh as they talked about what it would be like to go to Hogwarts. He could feel the cold water of the pond as they splashed around, cooling off in the heat of the day.

Severus sat on the bank of the pond for a while. He'd occasionally look back at Potter, but the boy seemed content to just sit under the tree. He'd scratched out a letter and then drawn for a while. Severus noted that he had drawn until his hand was shaking. He hoped potions would help with that. Then he'd pulled a book from his bag and had been reading quietly.

It was obvious that this was where Potter had been running off to each day. Severus was glad the boy hadn't been getting up to mischief ,though he did wonder why the boy hadn't gone back to town. From everything he'd heard Potter had become rather fond of Mary and the little bookshop.

Perhaps he just needed a break from people.

Severus watched the kitten climb down the tree and stretch next to Potter.

"Yeah, I think I'm ready too. Another page and I'll be asleep under the tree." Potter said softly petting the cat.

Severus stood to watch what he would do next. Potter returned the book to his bag and then began to look around the park. Severus also glanced around. He saw nothing.

Severus felt irritated as he saw the boy shrink his bag. He thought he'd been pretty clear about not using magic.

He watched as Potter started walking into the bushes around the pond. The cat following close by. Severus gave them a bit of a head start. He didn't want to alert the boy to his presence.

When five minutes passed, he followed them into the bushes. Severus kept his eyes peeled for any sign of Potter.

He briefly had the thought that he hoped the boy wasn't sneaking off to touch himself. He might be spying on the boy, but he didn't need to see that. He didn't think so, but this was a teenage boy, after all.

Severus had run across enough teens having private moments alone or with a partner than he cared to think about. An especially alarming incident had happened last year when he'd run across three Hufflepuffs in a broom closet. He had escorted them all back to their common room before talking to Pomona. He had concerns about the girl and wanted Pomona to check in and make sure that she'd been a willing participant. That sort of thing was rare at Hogwarts but that didn't mean it didn't happen.

When Pomona had talked to him a few days later and informed him that the trio had been involved for most of the year he'd been relieved. They shared a chuckle over the awkward teens and Severus promised a truly gross detention for all three.

Severus came to an abrupt stop at a clearing.

There, stretched out and sound asleep, with the kitten between its front paws was a huge black dog.

Severus groaned. Albus had been right. Potter's form was some kind of dog. Potters' malnutrition was more obvious in this form. His ribs poked out quite noticeably. The dog's long gangly limbs were almost comical. Severus walked softly around the clearing keeping distance from the sleeping animals.

Potter had some features like a wolf and some looked closer to a dog. Severus was sure Lupin and Black would be over the moon. Potter was completely black other than some white markings over his shoulders.

Perhaps this was the real reason the boy had been coming to the park. To sleep.

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. He was not doing a particularly good job at meeting Potters needs. The boy had spent last week starving and this week sleeping in the park.

Severus had to admit that the tiny kitten curled up with the huge dog was rather adorable.

Severus rolled his eyes. He was going soft being around all these Gryffindor's.

Severus pulled out his wand and cast disillusionment charms and muggle repelling charms around the clearing. He wouldn't sit here and watch the boy sleep, but he didn't want someone to stumble upon him. As thin as Potter was they'd assume he was a stray.

With a sigh Severus made his way out of the bushes and back to the house. He had a lot to think about before his conversation with the boy tonight.