Author Notes- Song inspirations for this chapter are:
'Hell is for Children' By Pat Benatar and 'Hush' By HELLYEAH
Hope you enjoy :)
Chapter 29
Hell
Albus watched as his office slowly filled with the Order. There was a lot to be addressed tonight. He nodded to the Weasley's as they stepped out of his floo. Albus was glad to see Charlie had joined them. The Weasley's, as far as he was aware had traveled home from Romania earlier in the day.
Albus was surprised to see Percy amongst them. He was unaware that the black sheep had returned home.
He watched as The Hogwarts staff seemed to collect to one side of the room. Many of them had joined the fight during the first war and the ones who hadn't quickly joined him when Voldemort returned. The others seemed to be milling about with quiet greetings.
They were still waiting on a few people. Severus and Poppy hadn't arrived. He imagined they were still in the hospital wing. Albus suspected that despite Severus' prickly exterior he actually enjoyed the matron's company.
Albus also noticed that Sirius and Remus had yet to return. He hoped they had a good visit with Harry.
He was worried about that whole situation. He knew they weren't happy with his decision to send Harry with Severus. Albus wasn't too happy with the decision himself after what he had learned this week. He still couldn't believe Severus. What had the man been thinking? He hoped things were working out smoother now.
Albus hoped he hadn't overstepped again. He was trying to see alternatives but there weren't many people he trusted to house Harry. Harry had been safe at Privet Drive. Now that he no longer had the wards he would need solid defenses.
Albus wanted him to be in a place that had good wards. He also wanted a well-trained Wixen to be close by. The Weasley's had numbers, but the wards were nearly non-existent. Sirius and Remus were both excellent duelers but again they didn't have the ward strength. There were a few Order members he considered that had good wards and excellent skills, but they were mostly not home between work and order business. Moody for example.
Albus saw the last few members enter his office. They all looked stressed. He hoped everything was all right with Harry.
Albus raised his hands to get everyone's attention.
Everyone quieted and looked at him.
"Good evening, everyone. We have several matters to discuss. If everyone would find a seat, we can get started." Albus said.
He watched as people found or conjured chairs. Once everyone was seated, he began.
"For those who may not have noticed. Sirius has rejoined us." Albus said gesturing to where Sirius was sitting near the back.
There were murmurs and gasps from around the room as everyone turned to look. Sirius had a very intense look on his face and only nodded to everyone.
"Are you sure Albus? More than one of us saw him fall at the ministry." Alastor asked. His magical eye spinning around and stopping on Sirius.
"Yes, Alastor, I'm sure." Albus said confidently.
Albus heard some grumbling and set about addressing the other matters.
Sirius, Remus, Severus and Poppy all Made their way silently from Albus office. Without discussion they made their way back to the hospital wing. They followed Poppy through her office and into her private quarters. Much like the rest of the staff she had access to her rooms through a hidden door in her office.
Sirius felt like he was going to scream. Albus had dropped several bombs on the Order. Some things they already knew, like him still being alive or that Harry was safe and staying with an Order member. Sirius was surprised Albus hadn't come right out and said that he was staying with Snape. The Weasleys surely all knew by now. The twins had approached Snape at the end of the meeting and had discreetly passed letters for Harry.
"What the hell is Albus thinking, trying to pull those wards back up?! Poppy spat as she made her way to what Sirius suspected was a liquor cabinet.
"He's thinking this is war. If he can make a defensive move now, it may help eventually." Snape drawled.
"Don't tell me, you agree with him trying to stick Harry back in that house with those people?" Remus cried.
Snape shook his head.
"No. Had I known yesterday what I know today I wouldn't have even attempted to evaluate his wards last night." Severus said with a sigh.
"What is he thinking trying to turn more Death Eaters? No offense." Sirius said waving his hand in Snapes general direction.
"I kind of get the Malfoys. Lucius doesn't really care about anything but his own standing in this world. And Cissy…Well She always wanted a big family. I'm sure seeing the threat of losing her only son would have her doing anything. But Now Albus is talking about trying to turn more of them? Why? Because Lucius thinks that they might?" Sirius scoffed as he took a seat on a plush couch next to Remus.
Severus had taken one of the armchairs near the fire and Poppy was still bustling about.
"Fear is a great motivator. Many of the Dark Lords followers were not prepared for his return. They were afraid. Many follow out of fear. Like your friend." Severus commented thoughtfully. Though he spat the word friend like it was venom.
Sirius scoffed. Peter wasn't there friend. He had abandoned that title the moment he even considered betraying them.
Poppy walked around and handed them each a short glass of whiskey. Muggle whiskey and it smelt so enticing.
Sirius swirled the amber liquid. One wouldn't kill him, he thought.
He looked up and caught Remus' kind warm eyes and paused in his action. He could hold off. Maybe he would drink it but not right this minute. He would sit with the idea for a little.
"Molly looked ready to row with Albus tonight after he told her that Harry couldn't go with them to the Burrow." Poppy muttered, as she took a small sip from her glass.
Sirius nodded. The whole Weasley family had looked on edge tonight. He wondered what information had been shared. Bill and the twins had seemed nearly ready to start their own war with Albus when he'd started talking about Privet Drive and the wards.
They had mellowed when Albus had explained that it was likely to become a safe house.
"What are we going to do about Harry?" Poppy asked softly.
Everyone got quiet.
Sirius wished he could just whisk Harry away from all of this. Maybe they could leave the continent all together. Go to the States or Canada, maybe even Australia. He thought Harry would like to travel. Sirius had always wanted to. He and James had traveled a little but in the middle of a war, travel had become increasingly risky.
"Nothing tonight." Severus said with a determined look on his face, though no one disagreed.
Sirius nodded. Harry had had enough for tonight.
"The boy hasn't eaten since breakfast. I'd intended to send him to the kitchens before the meeting." Severus said, cutting himself off with a pained look on his face. They all thought about the moments just before the meeting.
Harry's blank face leaving the Hospital Wing was still haunting Sirius. Harry had looked so broken and afraid in the hospital bed. Then he'd come around the curtain with a mask in place. One he shouldn't have to wear.
"He's had a long day. He needs food and rest." Severus murmured.
Sirius didn't think he'd ever heard Snape talk so softly.
"He needs to rest this weekend, Severus. Do you have the potions he'll need?" Poppy asked.
Snape just nodded.
"When do you plan to bring Harry back to the school?" Remus asked quietly.
Sirius could hear the concern in his voice. Remus had been a rock today, but Sirius knew that he was going to need to rest too. The full moon was only three days away now. Remus must be exhausted. Physically the day hadn't been terribly challenging other than walking up all the stairs. However, it had been an emotionally taxing day. Remus was prone to depressive episodes around the full moon. Sirius would do his best to help him out the next few days.
"Given the boy's injuries I don't think it would be wise for us to return before next Friday. Albus suggested we practice twice a week, but I think next week we will probably only come once. Unless he feels up to it then we might return on Saturday as well." Severus said.
Sirius felt a bit deflated. He had hoped to see his pup sooner. A week wasn't anywhere near as long as he had gone without seeing Harry. However, given everything, he wanted to spend more time with him. Although he did worry that given how independent Harry was, he might feel smothered, and Sirius didn't want that either. Harry would have to set the pace.
Sirius could definitely smother him. He'd felt so broken when Harry had yelled at them earlier. They had hurt him, and Harry for once had said exactly how he was feeling. Then he had apologized.
Remus had said while they were waiting that he thought Harry might have assumed they were pushing him away. That he may not have retained what had been said to him in Albus office. That had broken Sirius' heart. He didn't want Harry to think they didn't want him. Even if Harry didn't want to hear it, they loved him and they were fighting to have him with them.
"I think he should be well enough by then. I'd like to see him when you come back just to make sure he has healed." Poppy said.
Severus nodded.
"Do you…Do you think you can talk Harry into a full diagnostic?" Remus asked softly.
Severus quirked an eyebrow.
Sirius also turned to glare at Remus. What was he thinking? Why would Harry do anything the git asked?
"Sirius and I won't be able to see him until that Friday. I…I may or may not be able to come that day. However, I think if someone explains to him the importance he might agree." Remus answered the room's unasked question.
Sirius saw Snape nod in thought and then dug into his robes.
"I almost forgot. Today has been…" Severus said with a general wave of his hand.
He held out three vials to Remus who took it.
"This should be enough to get you through this moon." Snape said.
"As for Potter…I am unsure of where he and I stand. We had a conversation last night that I had hoped would begin to mend fences…I am unsure if I was successful at all. Today's revelations as well as some things I have noticed, need to be addressed. However, I will not force the boy into talking to me. If he wishes I will listen. I suspect the best I can do for him at the moment is provide potions and a little space. Perhaps when he is in your custody, he will be able to receive more assistance. Hopefully including a full diagnostic." Severus drawled.
Sirius watched as Snape tipped back the glass in his hand and finished off the last of his whiskey.
Sirius looked into his glass again. He wanted to numb the pain he felt in his heart, but this wouldn't do it. He set the untouched glass on the coffee table. He noticed Remus empty glass next to his.
"I better collect Potter." Snape said standing from his seat.
"May we come and say goodbye." Remus asked quietly.
Sirius saw a few emotions flash across the man's face before he nodded.
"Very well." Snape said in a bored tone.
"Thank you, Poppy." Severus said with a nod;
"Of course. Don't hesitate to contact me if you or Harry need anything." Poppy said earnestly.
Snape nodded and the three of them made their way quietly out.
They walked the halls of the school in silence. The old castle made low howling sounds as the wind whipped at the walls. A storm was brewing outside.
When they reached the door Remus reached out and opened it. They all froze at the sight within the room.
Harry walked from the hospital wing in a numb haze. He just wanted to hide from everyone. Today had been too much. He was thankful that the potions seemed to have done their job and he no longer felt feverish or sick to his stomach. Although, the worry was bringing a different type of ache to his stomach.
When he reached the blank wall where the room of requirements hid, he couldn't focus his mind. He just wanted to hide from everyone. When the door appeared he pulled it open quickly and was surprised to find himself in a vast room filled with what looked like a little bit of everything.
He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. Harry saw a beaten down armchair that looked like it had once belonged in the Gryffindor common room. He walked to it and collapsed into it. He slowly allowed his wall down and felt all the emotions try and drown him at the same time. Guilt, shame, anger, self-loathing, and grief all washed over him in waves.
Harry balled himself up in the chair. He felt his whole body shake as he began to sob. Tears ran in rivulets down his face. His carefully constructed 'Boy-who-lived' mask was crumbling. The adults were now aware that he was a freak. He was worthless and broken.
He had tried so hard this year to stay strong. He'd kept his head up through Umbridge forcing him to carve up his hand. He had faced the humiliation of having Snape ripping through his mind. He hadn't let the paper, or his classmates bully him into changing his story. He had stayed strong and been a leader to his friends. He had tried to teach them to defend themselves when it was obvious they weren't going to learn how to in school. He was crumbling now.
When he'd thought Sirius was dead, he'd felt himself cracking. When he'd left Privet Drive those cracks had felt permanent. Then he'd ended up in Cokeworth and he saw what life could be. Life away from the Dursleys and away from the wizarding world. A life where he'd been happy. All of that was gone now.
Sirius and Remus had ripped away his 'Boy-who-lived' mask and exposed the dirty broken freak underneath. Snape had done the same with Max.
Harry sobbed harder. He was never going to get away from this twisted life he had found himself in.
He began to feel his sorrow ebb away and a hollow, wrung out feeling replaced it in his chest. He wiped his face as the tears stopped. Taking a deep breath, he pulled his bag from his pocket and resized it.
He pulled the map from inside.
"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good." Harry said softly.
The ink began to spill across the parchment. Harry's eyes traced over the lines.
He unfolded the map and found Dumbledore's office. Harry was surprised by the amount of people crammed into the office. He couldn't even make out all the labels. He folded the map. He would check back to see when the meeting ended. Last summer they had lasted hours at Grimmauld. Harry felt the guilt return as he thought about his last time at Grimmauld. Sirius had forgiven him for the things he had stolen but it still didn't sit right with him.
He put the map in his pocket and stood. He needed to move around. He couldn't just sit here and feel sorry for himself.
As he wove through the tall stacks of things, Harry wondered how all this stuff had ended up in here. When he rounded one stack, he saw several brooms leaning up against the next stack.
Harry's fingers itched to grab one and go for a fly. He never felt as free as he did on a broom. The room was big enough to fly. He looked up at the tall, vaulted ceiling. Harry sighed. He knew he shouldn't. What if he fell? Landing in one of these stacks could be a problem.
Harry walked past the brooms with one last longing glance. He came upon a stack that seemed to be made entirely of books. He smiled softly. Perhaps he could lose himself in a good book. He made his way over and began looking through the pile.
Harry soon discovered that many of the books were school textbooks. It was a little disappointing, but he supposed in a school it wasn't surprising. He had concluded that this must be where the house elves put things that they found. Sort of a lost and found. Although given how old some of the things were it didn't seem like anything was ever found.
Harry picked up another book. He felt intrigued. It was on rare forms of magic. Deciding it was worth a look he set it aside. He continued to dig and soon came across a few other books that looked interesting.
Taking the small stack, he found another broken down chair. This one was a deep blue that might have once belonged in Ravenclaw tower.
He set his bag at his feet and laid the stack of books in his lap. He pulled the map from his pocket and saw that everyone was still in the office and didn't look like they were moving much. Clearly the meeting was ongoing. Tucking the map away he opened the first book.
Harry allowed himself to be sucked into the book of rare magic.
After some time Harry's mind began to drift away from what he was reading. This book was fascinating. He had found a part that discussed auras and aura sight. It was apparently exceedingly rare. It seemed to pop up at random but often could be tracked back in family lines. Harry wondered if any of his family had ever had this ability. The thought of family had started to create a heavy feeling in his chest.
He closed the book and slid the stack into his bag. He'd ask if he could borrow them. Snape had been clear that he wasn't to go snooping through his things and he wouldn't dare touch the man's books. He had been enjoying his muggle novels he had bought from the Book Nook. However, he felt he was wasting his time by reading something for pleasure instead of studying. They were in a war. A war that hinged on his ability to destroy the leader of the opposing side.
Harry sucked in a deep breath to keep himself from spiraling.
He slung his pack over his shoulder and glanced at the map. He was alarmed to find that Dumbledore's office was empty.
He fell to his knees and began unfurling the map. He saw clusters of names that he was familiar with making their way out of the castle or back to offices.
Harry flipped parts of the map looking for Snape. The man wouldn't be pleased to find Harry not in the training room. Harry probably wasn't even supposed to be in here.
There! He had found the man. Then he groaned. Snape was with Sirius and Remus. It looked like Pomfrey was with them too, in some room off the hospital wing.
Harry felt his cheeks flame in embarrassment. They were talking about him again. He folded the map and shoved it back in his pocket. He began to stomp back towards the exit. He felt anger and shame competing in his heart. He didn't know what to do with either emotion. He was mad at them for digging into his life. Pulling apart his walls. He was mostly mad at himself. He'd thought he'd done a decent job of burying all his problems behind his masks. However, Sirius had pointed out that they had already had suspicions before Bill had talked to them.
He felt the return of the sting of betrayal. He angrily kicked a half flat quaffle that was in his way. Fred and George had promised. They had promised they would keep it to themselves. They'd always been there for him when he needed them. Why now when everything else was falling apart?
Harry stopped his storming when something shiny caught his eye. He could just see the very top of something poking out from the side of one of the piles. Something was familiar about it. He worked his way over more broken junk and felt his heart stop when he saw what it was.
Standing there was the mirror of Erised. Harry hadn't seen it since Voldemort had nearly killed him in his first year. He wasn't sure how to feel about seeing it again. He couldn't see his reflection from this angle. Dumbledore had warned him away from looking in the mirror.
Fuck Dumbledore, His mind angerly shouted.
Harry held his breath and stepped in front of the mirror. He felt tears immediately fall down his face. Harry saw his reflection standing with Sirius and Remus. Sirius had one arm slung over his shoulders and the other wrapped around Remus' waist. They looked like a happy family. In the background he could see his parents smiling at him. Happy that he'd found a family. Found people to care for him.
His reflection wasn't the Boy-who-lived as he was right now. His reflection was just Harry. He didn't even have the lightning bolt scar. There was no swirling dark magic around his forehead. He was happy and smiling. Looking up to Sirius with hope.
Harry's heart hurt.
He stepped closer to the mirror. Wishing so much that it could be his life. That he could have a place in this world to just be a kid. He would never have it. He'd never escape the wizarding world's expectations of him. He wouldn't escape this war.
Anger at the injustice of his life welled in his chest. He balled his fist and without a second thought threw a punch right into his reflections smiling face. The mirror cracked loudly. Harry screamed at the shattered mirror.
He looked at the broken mirror and realized that it now reflected reality. Harry could see his broken reflection. He felt broken. He could see his aura around him again. He could also see Voldemort's aura in his scar again. He wanted to retch. He'd avoided looking in mirrors as much as he could. He didn't want to see the aura or really any part of himself.
He focused on his magic and pulled down the glamour. He noticed the scar that was wrapped around the side of his neck. He pulled up his shirt and saw the marked skin. It was disgusting.
"Freak." He hissed at himself. He dropped his shirt and felt the glamour snap back in place. He looked once more in the mirror. He saw the aura around his head. It was broken and distorted in the shattered mirror. It almost looked like some of the aura was above his head.
Harry sighed as he turned away from the mirror. He was confused when he did in fact see some of the aura behind him.
There! Sandwiched between a ripped couch cushion and wadded up set of robes was something else with Voldemort's Magic in it.
Harry felt like he was going to vomit.
He walked closer on shaky legs. It was some kind of crown. It undoubtedly was like the cup. What the hell were these things? How many more of them was he going to find? He considered just leaving it where it was. The school was secure. No students were here right now.
What if a teacher found it? What if it had the ability to possess a person like the diary had? Harry groaned. He looked around until he found a suitable box. He used the robes the crown was half wrapped in to set it in the box. Then like the other box he cast locking charms on it. He shrunk the box and shoved it in a pocket of his bag. He'd put it with the others later. He felt slimy and gross.
Harry took a deep breath and looked back at the mirror. He felt guilty. He had broken a priceless magical artifact. He tried to cast Reparo but to no success.
With a sigh he turned away from the mirror. He felt his anger begin to well in him again. He needed to leave this room before he broke something else.
When he got out of the room he took a few deep breaths.
He turned back to the blank wall and began pacing. He needed the practice room.
Harry pushed his way into the DA training room and shed his bag. It landed with a thump by the door. He swiped his glasses off his face and tossed them next to his bag. The broken glasses landed with a gentle clinking noise on the stone floor.
Harry waved his hand and pulled the dummies from there place by the wall. He felt all the emotions from earlier come back in force. He didn't pay any mind to the tears running down his face. He just felt rage.
He wanted to scream. Why was this his life? He hated who he was. He hated the scars he wore on his skin. He hated the uncertainty of what being exposed like this would mean. All he had ever wanted was a family. The mirror had broken something in his mind. Unlike last time the people he saw were alive. It seemed almost obtainable. But it wasn't. He was a freak. He was broken. And now they knew it too.
His magic buzzed just under his skin.
He thought about his 'family.' He thought about the life he had been forced to live.
He could hear Petunias cutting words. Her lies about his parents. They echoed in his mind as he slashed his hand around and took down the first dummy. He had never fought back. He had tried so hard to be what they wanted.
He could feel his uncle's fist balled up in his shirt. Smell the hot whiskey breath on his face as he screamed. Being thrown around the house like a ragdoll. Harry lashed out again. Throwing the dummy across the room.
He could remember fists and feet raining down on him. He cast at the next dummy and watched it rip itself apart.
Harry could feel every scar on his body like it was fresh. He could remember the feeling of Vernon's belt biting into his back. He tore the next dummy to pieces that rained down around the room.
He could feel the fear of being locked away. Of sitting in wet stinking clothing and not knowing if or when the cupboard door would ever open.
He heard the screams of his uncle to clean the floors that he'd defiled with his freakishness. Memories of scrubbing blood from the walls and urine from the carpet. The remembered fear shook Harry's body.
Another dummy exploded.
He thought about the looks on Sirius and Remus' faces as they had tried to reassure him. To tell him that the Dursleys had left the country. That he wouldn't have to go back.
He felt the guilt swell inside of him for yelling at them. The embarrassment of Snape and Pomfrey looking at his disgusting body. He felt dirty and broken.
He could still feel Sirius hand on his. Why had he touched him? Why touch something so broken?
He growled and sent another dummy flying across the room. They were going to make him talk. The twins had said just enough. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to expose more of himself. They didn't want to see it. The wizarding world didn't want a broken savior.
Harry yelled and sent another pulse of magic at the last intact dummy.
How had all of this happened today? That morning waking from a nightmare. It had been partially a memory. A time when he'd been young, scared, and hungry. He felt his stomach roll like it had that morning. Shame colored his cheeks. He hated all of it. Why couldn't he just leave it all? He'd tried. He had lied to himself that he could be normal. He would never be normal.
His anger felt like it was eating all the other emotions. He felt like he had fire burning inside of him. His life had been hell. He was never going to escape this hell. The hell was in him he realized. He willed the fire inside of him to manifest in his hands. He waved his hands around and watched fire pour from his body. White flames consumed the dummies, the couches, and the books.
Tears streamed down his face as he moved the flames around. He wished the flames would burn away the memories inside of him. He wondered if he just let the fire burn if it would consume him too.
Harry heard his name being called and turned to see three sets of alarmed eyes staring at him.
Severus couldn't believe the sight in front of his eyes. The whole room was engulfed in white flames. Potter was standing in the middle shaking and casting more around the room. If Severus hadn't known better, he would have thought the boy had cast fiendfyre and lost control of it. This was not dark magic though and Potter did seem to be controlling it. Whatever Potter had cast was glowing light.
Severus saw Lupin and black pull there wands and try and step closer only to be pushed back. Severus reached an arm out to keep them from going further.
"Potter!" Severus yelled over the raging inferno in the room. The boy showed no sign that he had heard him.
"Harry." Black half cried.
Suddenly Potter turned and faced them. His face was wet with tears and his green eyes were nearly glowing like the flames.
Suddenly Potter dropped his hands and the fire vanished. The room was eerily cool given the amount of fire that had been there a moment ago.
Potter's eyes stopped glowing and Severus saw the shields snap back up. His expression was blank. Potter waved his hand over his head and the room seemed to pull itself back together. Things that had been little more than dust seemed to rematerialize before their eyes.
Potter dragged his arm across his face and wiped away the lingering tears.
He walked past them and grabbed his bag and glasses from the floor. Then slipped out of the room, which looked no different than it had when they had arrived this morning.
Severus swallowed hard. What had they just seen?
Harry stood with his back against the wall next to the tapestry. He'd lost track of time again. Snape would be angry. Surely Snape had expected him to be ready to leave when he had arrived.
Why had Sirius and Remus come all the way up with him? They no doubt had other things to do tonight.
He felt exhausted.
"Harry?" Sirius called from in front of him.
Harry raised his head and looked Sirius in the eye. His brows were creased with worry.
"What…What was that?" Sirius asked shakily.
Harry knew he'd gotten carried away.
Looking at Sirius hurt. He wanted what he had seen in the mirror so badly.
He looked away and shrugged.
"Just practice." Harry whispered not meeting Sirius eyes. He avoided looking at Remus or Snape either.
"Practice? Practice?" Sirius said a little hysterically.
Harry looked back to Sirius as he stepped away and ran his hands through his hair.
"Harry, do you have any idea what we just walked into? You set a room on fire and were just standing in the middle of it. Do you have any idea what could have happened?" Sirius nearly screamed.
Harry flinched back at the words.
"Sirius." Remus growled, walking up beside him.
Harry looked at the ground.
"Sorry." Harry whispered.
He heard Sirius walk away from him. Then he heard footsteps approach him and looked up to see Remus walking closer.
"Are you ok?" Remus asked softly.
Harry felt everything but okay. Why did people always ask that when they didn't want the answer? When was it okay to say you weren't okay?
Harry just nodded.
Remus looked just as worried as Sirius, but he wasn't yelling.
Harry glanced down the hall to where Sirius was now pacing.
When Harry looked back to Remus he caught the smell of whiskey. He could smell it on his breath. He wondered if they had all been drinking. He felt his stomach roll. He didn't like that. Hadn't today been long enough.
He must have made a face because Remus now looked more concerned.
"It's going to be all right Harry. I know everything is a lot right now. I won't apologize for Sirius. He needs to do that himself. I can say it was alarming to see what we saw when we came into that room." Remus said quietly.
Harry felt bad. He wasn't trying to worry them. The opposite in fact. He'd been trying to get all the emotions out so that he wouldn't feel the way he had when Snape showed up.
He took a hesitant glance over Remus shoulder at Snape. He looked like his normal stern self.
Harry sighed.
"It's fine Remus. Sorry for scaring you." Harry mumbled, wrapping his arms around his stomach.
"It's okay." Remus replied softly.
Harry didn't know what to do now. So, he just went back to looking at the floor.
Remus walked away and down the hall towards Sirius. Harry chanced a glance up through his fringe at his potion's professor.
"Come along Potter." Snape said neutrally.
Harry watched as Snape headed back towards the staircase. Harry looked over his shoulder at Remus and Sirius. Sirius gave him a tight smile and a little wave.
Harry just nodded and followed Snape.
Harry landed hard on his knees in Snapes sitting room, having been spat out by the floo. His stomach was in knots. Snape hadn't said anything all the way back to the headmaster's office.
Harry pulled himself from the floor and got out of the way as the floo flamed green and Snape stepped out. He didn't think he would ever be able to do that as gracefully as Snape.
Snape raised his wand and removed the soot from his own clothing. Then He turned the wand on Harry.
Harry flinched back at having a wand pointed at him unexpectedly.
Snape sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"May I remove the soot from your clothing before you track it all over the house?" Snape asked.
Harry looked at his clothes and blushed. He needed to calm down. Even with the wall up in his mind his body seemed to react instinctively.
He nodded and Snape waved his wand over him.
Snape walked away without a word.
Harry hesitated for a moment. He just wanted to go to bed. Today had been exhausting. It wasn't terribly late, and he was sure Snape was hungry. He should probably make dinner. He rolled his shoulders and made his way to the kitchen.
As Harry suspected, Snape was rifling through the fridge.
He'd learned his lesson about startling the Professor, so he dragged his feet a little and cleared his throat.
Snape turned and looked at him. Harry could tell the man had his shields down a little. He looked… Harry wasn't sure what the look was. Sad kind of.
"Would you like me to make supper?" Harry asked quietly.
The look on Snapes face intensified and mixed with some kind of anger. Harry took a step back. He wanted to make sure he was out of arms reach. The look disappeared and Harry could tell his walls had been put back up.
"That won't be necessary Potter. Why don't you go up and shower? We've had a long day." Snape said neutrally.
Harry could smell the same whiskey he had smelt on Remus on Snape. He would take any exit the man would give him. He wanted to get away from that smell and all the memories that tried to crowd his mind.
Harry only nodded.
A shower sounded good. Now that his wounds were healing, and he wasn't feverish a shower might feel nice. He felt gross. Snape probably knew how dirty he was and didn't want to look at him anymore today. Harry had taken up to much of the man's day already.
Harry walked out of the room and up the stairs.
When he'd finished his shower, he gently pulled his pajamas on. Now that the wounds were healing, he didn't want to make them worse. He'd removed the bandages to shower. He'd have to just hope they were okay to be exposed now.
He padded softly into his room and was surprised to see that there were things sitting on his bed. He stepped closer and saw that Snape had left him balms, salves, potions, and bandages. There were also several letters sitting next to the supplies.
He closed his door tight and went about dressing his injuries. He also wrapped his hand. He hadn't realized until the cool shower water had run over him, that not only were his knuckles bloody, but he actually had a few pieces of mirror imbedded in his hand. He'd winced as he'd pulled them out.
He rubbed a little healing balm into his palms too. They had been roughed up by yard work and then working on Mary's roof. The balm was very soothing on all the little cuts.
When that was done, he hesitated. What should he do now. He didn't dare go back downstairs. Snape had clearly dismissed him for the evening. He didn't want to be around the man anyway. For all the reasons from earlier but now also he'd been drinking. He'd learned young to avoid adults who had been drinking. His mind was racing. He wished he had another calming draught.
With a sigh he pulled his trunk open and shuffled the contents around. He found the bottle of firewhiskey. Everyone else seemed to think the day needed a drink. Why not? He thought a little angerly. He opened the bottle and took a gulp. He felt it burn its way to his stomach. He was reminded of the burning he had felt as he set the room of requirements on fire.
He sighed at the sensation tickling his body and took another gulp before closing the bottle and burying it in his trunk. His hand grazed the box at the bottom, and he remembered what he'd found.
He felt a little sick to his stomach. He wasn't sure if it was the fire whiskey in his empty stomach or remembering what was in his bag.
He opened the pocket on his bag and pulled the shrunken box out. He resized it and then opened it. The crown? Tiara? Whatever it was, was beautiful except for Voldemort's dark aura embedded in it. He saw the inscription. 'Wisdom beyond measure is man's greatest treasure.'
This was a Ravenclaw artifact. He had suspicions about the other items he had. Perhaps they had all belonged to the founders. Why would Voldemort put his magic in the founders' possessions?
Harry swallowed hard. He tipped the box to avoid touching the crown. It rolled into the box with the other items as well as the books from Regulus. He'd need to read them eventually. He couldn't do it tonight. Today had been draining enough without starting his Dark Arts education too. He snapped the box shut, locked it, and buried it at the bottom of his trunk.
He laid gently down on his bed. He looked at the letters and decided they too could wait. He couldn't deal with any more tonight. He rolled on his side and dropped the letters into his bag. He caught sight of the books he had taken. He'd meant to ask. He'd forgotten in his emotional upheaval. They would be returning to the school soon and he would return them then, he decided.
He got off the bed and cracked the door open. He flipped off the light switch and climbed into bed. He waved his hand and put up his silencing charm and tried to settle. He pulled into his mind and sat in a clearing in the forbidden forest. He might not be allowed to turn into Akela, but he could still get comfort from that form. He felt the creature lay across his lap and he ran his fingers through the fur. He let the rest of the day slip away and soon fell asleep.
Severus sat at the table impatiently waiting for the boy to return. He had finished dinner and placed supplies in Potters room. The shower had stopped a while ago. He had heard some soft footsteps but now, he heard nothing.
With a sigh, Severus stood from the table and made his way upstairs.
Potter had used a lot of energy today. Even before…Before whatever he had been doing when they had found him. He needed to eat.
Severus still wasn't sure what to make of the amazing show of magic. He had seen Albus and the Dark Lord both preform amazing feats of magic, but nothing like that. Nothing that had ever felt like that. Potter had been radiating light magic.
Severus stopped short when he saw Potters door open a crack and the lights out. Had he gone to bed? Surely not.
Severus pushed the door open slightly and saw a Potter shaped lump in the bed. He couldn't see his face, but he could see wild black hair poking up from the covers.
Why hadn't he come back down for dinner? Severus sighed and pulled the door closed. He wouldn't wake the boy.
He made his way back downstairs. Perhaps he had just been too tired. Severus would watch for magical exhaustion tomorrow. For now, he was going to eat his dinner.
Severus lay awake in his bed. He thought about everything that had happened that day. Potter was Max.
Max was an abused magical child who had run away and been working in Cokeworth. Max was friends with Mary. Did she know who Max was? Did the boy know about him and his mother? He would need to speak with Mary. He did not need his past being discussed over tea.
Max was covered in scars. Some of which possibly indicated a suicide attempt.
Severus groaned as he rolled onto his side.
He hadn't thought about that earlier. He'd need to think about how to approach that. Should he bring it up with him bluntly and have a frank discussion? Or should he talk with Black and Lupin? He'd been too tripped up by Potter having a history of abuse. He had forgotten things he had learned about Max.
He wondered how much of Potters strange behavior he'd been seeing in this setting was really there all along. Things he just didn't see. Things he had dismissed and refused to see out of some kind of misplaced blame. The sins of the father.
Severus rolled on his back. If the Potter he had seen the last few days was what Potter was really like, then Lupin had been right. He was nothing like James. Harry wasn't much like Lily either. Lily had been smart and magically talented, but she had been friendly and bold. Harry was in a league of his own if his essays were anything to go by. The discrepancy between these essays and his previous work was night and day. Potter's performance during their lesson had been impressive for someone his age. But what he was doing on his own was something completely else.
Severus had no idea what to make of all of this. Potter was intelligent and strong. Yet also skittish and fearful. It was like looking at two different people. With Potters power he didn't understand how he could still be so fearful.
Severus sighed. He cleared his mind. He couldn't keep stewing on Potter tonight. He was exhausted and he needed his rest. He and Potter would need to talk tomorrow.
Severus closed his eyes and hoped that sleep would claim him soon.