[Set to the My Life as a Teenage Robot opening theme song]
Five o'clock, get a call to confirm our reservation at the restaurant down by the mall
But my mom still says I gotta stop evil aliens from annihilating us all! (Jenny: Hi-yah!)
With a new partner in crime, I guess I really shouldn't complain
Still, I just wish I could get through one fight without my boyfriend yelping in pain! (Sheldon: YEE-OUCH!)
It's enough to fry my brain!
So welcome to my life (as a robot girlfriend!)
Welcome to my life (as a robot girlfriend!)
My Robot Girlfriend… Life!
It's Lonely Hearts at the Top!
Sheldon rested his head on the shoulder of his robotic companion as the two watched a classic horror film on the TV in his living room. Jenny looked over at him, smiling, before wrapping her arm around him and bringing him in closer. He giggled with glee as he felt her cuddle up against him. "I love you, Jenny," he sighed lovingly.
"I love you too, Sheldon," she replied cheerfully.
The two of them shared a kiss before turning their attention back to the movie.
"They're coming to get you, Barbra!" the man on the TV said.
"Ooo, you're gonna love this!" Sheldon squealed. "It only gets better from here!"
From across the street, a small, blue skinned man with a permanent frown watched the happy couple though a pair of binoculars as he hid behind a bush. "Blast it all!" he yelled in frustration, throwing the binoculars to the ground. "We kindly offer the lad a spot amongst us when he graduates after witnessing that vile, cold-hearted mechanical mistress so violently break his heart, and what do we get in return? A bruise on the back of our heads from the stupid metal toy of his, a five year suspended prison sentence and five hundred hours of community service!"
Another blue-skinned man popped out of the bush, the bags under his eyes well and truly visible. "And to top it off," he muttered, "the both of them ended up getting together anyways!"
A third blue-skinned man, this time short and with heavy dark circles around his eyes, popped out of the bush as well. "And here I thought nice guys always finished last," he muttered.
The fourth man to pop out had the same skin complexion as the other three, but had a very noticeable noose tied around his neck. "I can't believe he actually settled for that cruel and unfeeling bucket of bolts," he whined.
The final to pop out was a tall, broad man with a big nose. "And now, we're the laughingstock of all Tremorton's criminal underworld," he grumbled.
The quintet let out a collective sigh of disappointment and frustration. The first guy turned to the group and spoke. "Well, as the boss, it lies on me to bring our reputation back up to a respectable position."
"Wait, were we ever at a respectable position?" asked the second man.
"Mopey's got a point, Boss," the third guy agreed. "I don't think we've ever been anywhere close to the top before."
"Soggy's right!" the fourth man added, showing the group an article in Tremorton Criminals Monthly magazine. "That Mudslinger guy's new rankings came in, and we're even lower than Himcules!"
The fifth man raised his eyebrow at the magazine. "Where'd you get this thing, Dismal?" he asked.
"I ordered a year long subscription," Dismal explained. "I mostly get them for the coupons. That's how I was able to afford your birthday present, Glum."
The fifth man smiled. "D'awww, thanks buddy!"
Suddenly, from across the street, a man shouted "Hey!" The gang members turned to look in the direction of the voice. In the doorway of the house they were spying on stood Sheldon, looking incredibly annoyed. "I thought I told you Lonely Loser's Club guys to leave me alone!" he shouted.
"Rats," the boss sighed. "Spotted again."
"You can't tell us what to do, traitor!" Soppy exclaimed.
"We welcomed you with open arms, and you still got with that cruel and unfeeling chunk of metal!" Dismal cried out bitterly.
Sheldon rolled his eyes. "Not this again… I never agreed to join you losers in the first place!"
"You didn't have to!" Mopey exclaimed. "The boss said you were a member the second you graduated!"
The geek grabbed his head and sighed in frustration. "Do you need help, Shel?" Jenny called out to him.
"No, dear, I got it!" Sheldon reassured her. He stared down the group with a serious expression. "Alright guys, you better leave me and my girlfriend alone starting now- or else!"
Glum crossed his big arms in defiance. "Or else what?" he challenged. "You'll blast us with a laser or something?"
Without a word, Sheldon raised his left fist towards the group and, in one swift motion, yanked his sleeve up, revealing a metal-framed bracelet of some kind wrapped around his whole forearm. A panel opened up, and a laser gun popped out of it, aimed straight at the group, beginning to charge.
Glum's eyes shrunk as his arms fell to his side. "Oh," he muttered. "Yeah, that's exactly what you're gonna do."
"Scatter, boys!" the boss yelled in a panic.
The quintet jumped out of the way as the laser blast set the bush they were in ablaze. The five regrouped and began to run off out of sight, but not before the boss yelled out, "This isn't the last you've seen of the Lonely Hearts Club Gang!"
"I don't doubt that, unfortunately," Sheldon groaned as he put his blaster away. He went back inside, closing the door behind him, grumbling to himself as he took his seat next to his metallic girlfriend once again.
"Try not to let them bother you," Jenny said as she cuddled up against him and put the movie back on. "They're just a bunch of relatively harmless sad boys."
"I just wish they'd leave me alone is all. Ever since they found out we got together, they keep harassing us!"
The robot girl ruffled her boyfriend's hair playfully. "Well, maybe it's just a bit of karma for how weird you were back in highschool."
"As if the embarrassment I get from reflecting back on those days isn't enough trouble," her boyfriend pouted.
"Uuuugggghhhhh…" a zombie in the movie groaned loudly. This seemed to perk Sheldon back up.
"Oooo, it's starting!" he said enthusiastically. "You're about to see George Romero's genius directing on full display!"
Jenny giggled. "If you say so, Shel."
The two watched the horror classic together, cuddling each other lovingly.
Downtown, the members of the Lonely Hearts Club walked down to the abandoned chocolate factory with permanent rain clouds above it that they called their home base. "We've gotta get a way out of this eternal, bottom of the barrel rut we've found ourselves in, boys," the boss said.
"Eh, but how, boss?" Glum asked with a shrug. "It's not like a bunch of cool, game-changing gadgets and gizmos of evil and mass destruction are going to fall out of the sky and into our laps."
Suddenly, several white portals opened above their heads, dropping all sorts of gadgets and gizmos on their heads, crushing them under the weight of the metal. "You were saying, Glum?" the boss muttered sarcastically as he pulled himself out of the pile. After finally managing to squeeze himself out, he picked up a blue gun of some kind up from the bottom of the pile. "What even is all this junk anyways?" he asked.
"It looks like a bunch of high-tech weaponry, boss," Soggy replied.
"Does the name 'Lexcorp' ring a bell to anyone?" Mopey asked as he examined a laser gun of some kind.
"No, but uh, does 'Hammer Industries' mean something to one of you's?" Glum asked as he picked up a suit of high-tech armor.
"What about 'S.T.A.R. Labs'?" Dismal added, cautiously looking at the golden gun beside him.
"I don't think I've ever heard of any of these corporations before, gang," the Boss said, rubbing his chin. "Who knows what all these weapons and gadgets could possibly be capable of?"
"Hey, I know!" Mopey piped up. "Why don't we test all these gizmos in the hideout?"
"Not a bad idea, Mopey," the boss agreed. "Glum, do you think you'll be able to push all this junk through the doors?"
"I could try," Glum replied with a shrug. "But, uh, shouldn't we be careful with this stuff? It all looks really dangerous."
"I think it's better if we carry them all inside one by one," Dismal agreed.
"Very well then," the Boss relented. "Let's get all this in the hide out as soon as possible! And be gentle, we don't wanna break any of this stuff!"
"You got it, Boss!" the other four said as they began picking up handfuls of the strange tech and rushing them inside the hideout.
Jenny cuddled alongside her boyfriend as the credits began to roll. Sheldon turned to her with an eager smile. "So, what did you think?" he asked eagerly.
"It's a good movie," she admitted. "They totally did Barbra's character dirty, though."
"True," Sheldon agreed, "but that's what the remake is for."
The two stared at each other lovingly for a moment, before going in for a kiss.
That is, until a TV screen popped out of Jenny's chest and smacked Sheldon in the face.
"YEE-OUCH!" he yelped, grabbing his face."
"Sheldon!" Jenny yelled in concern. "Are you ok?!"
"I'm alright! What even happened?"
The robot girl turned her attention to the screen. A message read simply, "INCOMING CALL FROM: WAKEMAN." She let out a groan. "My mom's calling…"
Sheldon perked up. "Oh, really? It might be something important, then! Answer her!"
Jenny rolled her eyes. "Alright…" She pressed a button to accept the call.
Nora Wakeman appeared on screen, the background of her laboratory behind her. "XJ-9!" Nora yelled out, with added emphasis on the "nine," as per usual. "Those mysterious white portals just popped up again by the abandoned chocolate factory! A whole bunch of them! I need you to-" She paused, looking at Jenny's surroundings. The screen moved to face Sheldon, then moved back to Jenny. "Am I, uh… interrupting something?"
"When are you not?" her daughter grumbled.
"Well, there's no need for that attitude, young lady," Nora scoffed. "I gave you the option to deny my calls for a reason, you know."
"It's not really an 'option' if you keep calling back until I answer, is it?"
Sheldon jumped between the two to stop the conflict in its tracks before it could continue. "Hi Nora!" he yelled. "What's this about those portals?"
"Well, hello Oswald!" Nora said cheerfully, not seeming to notice the boy cringing at his middle name. "You're familiar with the portal issue, correct? Well, a whole bunch of them just opened up right by the abandoned chocolate factory and spewed a bunch of objects I haven't been able to identify. Several give off the same Canvas signature as the car and treadmill Jenny found, but I can't seem to pinpoint some of the others."
"Sounds like they must be from a separate universe from the other stuff then," Jenny added, rubbing her chin in thought.
"Precisely! That's why I'd like you to get your hands on a few of them, in case they've got separate signatures attached to them."
"You can count on us, Dr. Wakeman!" Sheldon said with a salute. "We'll track down that tech and get it to you lickety-split!"
Nora gave him a funny look. "Uh, are you sure you wanna tag along, Sheldon? I'm not too sure you're equipped for this, especially now that the your suit of armor is long since out of commission."
"What?!" Sheldon asked, frustrated. "Aren't you forgetting what I'm capable of?! I don't need a giant battle suit to be useful, you know that!"
"True," Nora agreed, "but I'm not so sure you're equipped to handle this portal nonsense. What if some villain were to pop out of one of them? How do I know you wouldn't be tricked by a being from another world into aiding their evil bidding?"
The blood in Sheldon's body began to boil. "Tricked? Tricked?! I've been tricked by Venus like, once maybe. You, on the other hand, actually believed your own daughter went rogue for a whole year! Not once did you even entertain the possibility she got hacked, or mind controlled or anything!"
"Now you listen here, young man!" Nora barked. "All I'm trying to say is id prefer XJ9 go in on this mission solo, you hear?!"
"Why?! Why are you so against me joining after all I've done to help?! And don't call me young man, I'm technically older than you!"
Jenny stuck her face between the two of them. "Ok mom, I'm gonna go investigate the gadget stuff now! Bye!" Before her mother could get another word in, she hung up the call and the TV returned to her chest. "Jeez…" she muttered.
"What's her problem?" Sheldon grumbled. "She's never had a problem with me helping out in the past."
"Mom thinks all this portal stuff is out of your league," Jenny admitted. "Well, I guess it's more like she thinks you're too immature to handle it."
"Immature?" Her boyfriend repeated, clearly offended. "How am I too immature to handle this stuff? I'm technically over a hundred years old!"
"I think she means you're emotionally immature. You know, like, you might not be able to handle some stuff in the heat of battle. Like, I don't know, seeing me get hurt or something."
"But I've seen you get hurt lots of times!"
"Yeah, but this is different. We're dating now, so you're even more protective of me than you were before. If I got damaged and a villain started taunting me about it, your first instinct might be to do something stupid and get yourself hurt. I wouldn't want that! The last thing I want is you getting hurt because of me."
Sheldon thought for a moment. She had a point, he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop himself from retaliating. "Well, I uh… umm…" he mumbled, looking for some words of defense.
Jenny put her hand on his shoulder reassuringly. "I know you want to help me out with this stuff, but maybe it's best for you to hang back for now. You could always help mom analyze the tech we find! I'm sure she wouldn't mind an extra hand in the lab."
Her boyfriend put on a smile for her, but she could tell it wasn't genuine. There was nothing but sadness behind that toothy smile of his. "Alright," he relented. "I suppose you got a point. Just be extra careful for me, will ya? And don't be afraid to call for help if you need it!"
She pulled him for a loving hug. "Don't worry Shel, I'll be careful. I'll catch ya later, ok?"
"You got it!"
With that, Jenny took her leave, walking out the front door and taking to the skies. Once she was gone, Sheldon got up and let out a frustrated sigh, kicking the corner of couch. "Too immature," he muttered bitterly. "I'm mature enough to handle some silly gadgets falling from a portal, I've handled way more dangerous stuff than that! I led a crew of space pirates for Pete's sake!" Storming off into his garage, he looked around for something to do. Something to fix-up, or break, or fix and break and then fix again. Anything to distract him from the cocktail of emotions brewing inside him.
As he scanned the room, he couldn't help but stare at the old, discarded and now rusted suit of armor that was once his robotic hero alter-ego, the Silver Shell. A giant hole in the chest cavity showed the chair and a little of whatever was left of the control panel in the suit's body. Oh, how he wished he could forget the events of the day that he had been exposed for the fraud he was in that giant metal suit. "Well, now I've done it," he thought. "I've upset myself all over again."
Taking a seat at his desk by the door, he poured over some designs and blue prints he had been working on. Various plans and ideas for an exoskeleton battle suit of some kind were detailed, the prototype that had scared Brad and Tuck days prior sprawled across the table beside him. Looking over the designs, he couldn't help but wonder if there was even a point to building this tech if Nora didn't want him to help out Jenny. He shook his head, trying to rid it of such thoughts.
As he continued to sketch up blueprints and designs, he couldn't help feel like he had overlooked something. After triple-checking his notes, however, he knew that couldn't be the case. Setting down his pencil, he leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms. "Wonder how Jenny's doing on her fetch quest," he mumbled. "Well, if anything, maybe she'll bring me back a souvenir from the old abandoned choc-" In an instant, Sheldon froze up, his eyes widening with thudded realization. "The old abandoned chocolate factory…" he breathed. "But isn't that…?"
In an instant, he jumped out of his chair, allowing it to fly behind him and smash into a box full of old machine parts. "That's the Lonely Hearts Club Gang's base!" he shouted, grabbing the sides of his face in a panic. "If that loser's club gets their hand on all that tech, who knows what they'll do! And Jenny- she could be in serious trouble!" Quickly, he began rummaging through boxes of old inventions. Before long, he pulled out an old laser pistol he hadn't seen since high school. It had a golden paint job and the barrel seemed to be modeled after a spaceship from an old sci-fi flick. On the side of it, bold black text read: "DXM-1."
A grin flashed on Sheldon's face. "The DXM-1! I didn't think I still had any of good ol' No Name's stuff here!" He smiled fondly, remembering the good times he had with the friend no one else in town seemed to remember. Before he could go too deep down his walk on memory lane, his attention returned to the task at hand. Running back to his desk, he yanked the exo-skeleton off the table. "It's a prototype, but it'll have to do!" As he did his best to put on the suit, he simultaneously ran out of his house and down the street towards town.
"Don't worry, Jenny!" he yelled, fear in his voice. "I'm coming!"
Soggy fired a blast from the golden gun at a target a few feet in front of him, closing his eyes in fear. After nothing seemed to happen, he opened on eye, then the other as he realized what he was seeing. "Hey, fellas!" he yelled out to the rest of his crew, who were currently barricaded in a make-shift bunker behind him. "You're not gonna believe this unless ya see it with your own eyes!"
Glum was the first to poke his head up over the barrier. The large man's eyes popped out of his head when he saw the target. "No way," he breathed. "You seeing this, Dismal?"
Dismal poked his head over the barrier and was instantly stunned by the sight before him. "Oh my," the mobster gasped. "This… this is a real game changer, eh Mopey?"
Following suit, Mopey got a look for himself. Equally following suit, he too was impressed. "Jeez, no kidding!" he replied, excitement in his voice. "Boss, take a look! We're gonna be rich!"
"I'll be the judge of that," the boss replied as he pulled his tiny body up and over the barrier to get a better look. Once he saw what the others were looking at, a big, eager grin crossed his lips. "Boys, we ain't gonna have financial troubles ever again."
The target Soggy had shot was solid gold. The golden gun with the S.T.A.R. Labs logo had fired a beam that turned the target into gold, and the five of them began to jump for joy.
"Today keeps getting better and better!" Mopey cheered.
"Whoever sent us all this tech is forever in our debts!" Soggy added.
"Debts?" the boss scoffed. "They gave us a gun that turns things into gold, if someone did give us all this junk, they clearly didn't want it!"
"I wouldn't call all of this junk, boss," Dismal replied, holding up a laser gun with a Lexcorp logo on the side of it. "I mean, just think of all the love letters we'll be able to vaporize with this thing!"
The boss shook his head. "No no, boys! Think bigger! With all these gadgets, we'll be able to finally take out that heart crushing robot once and for all!"
"Yeah, especially with that suit I found, eh boss?" Glum added. "It fits Dismal like a glove!" He pointed to the man in question, who had already put the suit of armor on, minus the helmet.
"I wish I could fly higher than three inches off the ground in this thing," Dismal lamented.
"Baby steps, Dismal," Glum reassured him. "You can't expect to become some kind of flying iron man in under an hour."
"I think it's titanium, actually," Soggy corrected, lightly knocking his fist against the armor's material.
"Let's go with that one," Mopey replied with a rare smile. "Titanium Man… Yeah… I could be the Titanium Man! I'll knock that bucket of bolts right out of the sky! Woo-hoo!" He threw his hands up in excitement, only for the palms of the suit's hands to fire laser blasts to bite off unexpectedly.
The other four grabbed their hats and ducked, trying to avoid the bits of debris falling from the roof. Mopey stood in shock for a moment, before slowly lowering his hands to his sides. "I gotta learn how to control that thing," he mumbled.
"Lots of lasers here," Glum noted. "What, are lasers the hip thing now?"
"Well, this isn't a laser!" the boss beamed, holding up a blue gun of some kind. "This bad boy freezes things solid. Observe!" The boss fired his cold gun at a boiling boy of chocolate that sat on the other side of the room. Almost instantly, it became encased in ice.
"Gee, that's gonna take a while to thaw," Soggy noted.
"Not to mention the water mess," Dismal added.
"Not a bad shot, boss!" Glum remarked. "Though, I guess we ain't using the boiling chocolate threat anytime soon, huh?"
The boss shrugged. "We don't need to worry about threats now that you have those things, Glum. I'm sure you'll be plenty intimidating on your own."
"Heh, guess you're right, boss," Glum agreed, admiring his new gauntlets. "These do carry a nice spark, eh? Might even be able to short circuit that robot girl with these bad boys!"
"She'll be in for a real shocker, that's for sure!" Soggy agreed.
"Say, that's not a bad name, either," Mopey noted. "Glum, you could be the Shocker if you take a real liking to those things."
"Eh, we'll see," Glum shrugged. "I think I'd rather be big guy Glum."
"Well, boys," the boss said, getting everyone's attention, "now that we have some fancy gear with us, what's say we put them to use?"
"What about all the other stuff?" Soggy asked.
"I'm sure we'll have time to play around with the rest of this stuff later. For right now, however…" The boss held up his freeze gun, sinisterly grinning as he did so. "Let's show this town that the Lonely Hearts Club Gang are the new top dogs!"
"Jenny," thought the robot girl as she flew across town. "She's getting better at it, I guess, but she still doesn't call me that as much as I want her to. Why? Why is it so hard to call me by name? Does she still see me as just a make and model?"
The sudden sharp scream of a citizen broke her from her thoughts. "HELP!" someone cried out. "HE'S RUINED MY JEWELRY!"
"Ruining jewelry?" Jenny asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why not just steal it?" Instantly, she diverted course to help the citizens. "What's wrong, citizen?" she asked as soon as she landed beside the crying woman.
"Oh, it's horrible!" the woman sobbed. "This nasty gentleman went and shot all the jewelry in my shop with a laser gun, now it's all just tacky gold!"
Confused, Jenny picked up a necklace that seemed to once carry some kind of crystal on it. After a quick scan, she turned to the woman in shock. "Ma'am, this is pure gold, literally!"
"I know! It's horrible! All my beautiful amethyst, my lovely opals, my divine rubies- all gone! Replaced with ugly, tacky, solid gold!"
As the woman sobbed, Jenny couldn't help but roll her eyes at the ridiculous sight before her. "Mama-Mia!" A man cried out in despair from down the street. Jenny turned to look in the direction of the man's voice. A short, rotund man with a mustache in an apron and chef's hat stood outside a pizza shop. Icicles dangled from the shop's awning and snow covered the windows, a sight that stood out given the fact it was a nice, warm sunny day. "Oh, the horror!" the man cried out again." "My-a pride and joy! The love of my life! My freshly made, never frozen pizza pies have been frozen solid! Thirty years of-a hard work, ruined!" He fell to his knees and bawled his eyes out in his hands.
"My flowers!" A man screamed, drawing Jenny's attention once again. "That dastardly curr destroyed my flowers with that laser of his! How am I supposed to give this to my wife now?!"
Nearby, a woman frantically tried to fix her frizzed up hair in the window of a shop. "My hair!" she exclaimed. "He used those gloves to mess up my hair with its electric shocks! My date night is so ruined!"
Beside her, a man was curled up into a ball, sobbing. A small box lay shattered next to him. "My ring!" he sobbed. "I was going to propose to her with that ring! Blast that metal man, my engagement plans are ruined!"
"Ok, think Jenny," the robot girl thought to herself aloud. "Mom said a bunch of objects fell out of a portal, now there's suddenly a lot of vandalism in town resulting in…" A frown of annoyance crossed her face. "…A lot of broken hearts. Of course those stooges are behind this. They must've got their hands on some of the stuff that fell out of the portal and are using it to cause all this ruckus!"
"So, you figured that much out, eh?!" a voice yelled out. Jenny turned, only to see Soggy of the Lonely Hearts Club Gang holding up a laser gun of some sort. "Well, no matter! You won't be stopping us when you're a shiny, golden statue!" With that, he fired the gun straight at Jenny. Immediately, she kept out of the way of the blast, watching as the beam made contact with a lamp post and turned it to gold.
"Sorry, lonely lover boy," she replied with a smirk. "It's gonna take more than that to put a stop to me!"
Soggy raised his blaster. "Good thing this has plenty of juice in it!"
Jenny's smirk faded. "Uh-oh," she muttered. Another blast fired towards, and she quickly dodged, going on the run as a glass window turned to gold, slowly toppled forward and cracked the pavement.
Soggy gave chase, firing his laser at her. The two continued a game of cat and mouse, various objects and landmarks such as a bench, a stop sign and even a manhole cover turning to solid gold. Eventually, Soggy began to slow down before coming a full stop, hunching over and breathing heavily. "Slow… down…!" he yelled between breaths. "Man… I gotta…work on… my cardio… phew!"
Looking behind her as she ran, Jenny felt relieved as the sad gangster stopped to catch his breath. Until she slammed into a wall of flesh, that is, causing her to fall from the whiplash. "Well, look what got here!" A voice boomed above her. Jenny looked at the figure that cast its shadow over her. Towering over her stood Glum, who menacingly raised his electrifying gauntlets. "Ya think if I hit ya with one of these, it'll be a real shock?" he joked menacingly.
"Uh-oh," Jenny muttered, before rolling out of the way just as Glum punched at her with his crackling gauntlets. He swung again, only for her dodge.
"Hey, hold still, will ya?!" Glum shouted angrily as the robot girl dodged her again.
Jenny's wings shot out of her back and she activated her thrusters, taking to the sky. "I think I'll stick to the sky, where it's safe," she retorted as she flew up.
Glum smirked. "The sky? Safe? Not after Mopey's two hours of flight training!"
Before Jenny could respond, a missile slammed her in the chest, with the resulting explosion sending her flying onto the roof of a nearby building.
"What…" Jenny groaned. "What was that?"
"That was one of the many features of this wonderful new suit I've got!" A voice boomed.
A giant suit of armor landed a few feet in front of her on the roof, shoulder mounted missile launchers retracting into the suit itself. "I am Mopey, of the Lonely Hearts Club Gang!" a slightly electronic voice boomed from the suit. "But you, robot girl, can call me… the Titanium Man!"
"Titanium Man?" Jenny asked, rolling her eyes. "Oh, brother. You couldn't come up with something more clever?"
"Silence! This is where your tale ends, you heartbreaker! Prepare to die!" A green triangle on the chest of the suit began to glow, a charging sound accompanying it. Just an energy beam shot from the chest, Jenny managed to fire up her thrusters again and take to the sky, narrowly avoiding the beam's mighty blast.
"Jeez, these guys aren't messing around this time!" she said to herself as she kept an eye on her attacker.
Mopey took to the sky himself, giving chase and firing off blasts from the palms of his suit. "Get back here!" he yelled.
As Jenny kept her eye on Mopey, dodging the blasts from his palms, she failed to take notice of Dismal on a nearby rooftop, aiming his LexCorp branded laser gun at the flying robot. "Steady… steady…" he muttered. Without a scope, he had to rely on his eyes and a lot of guesswork. After a moment of trying and failing to keep a lock on his target, he shrugged and muttered, "Ah, screw it." As soon as the words left his lips, he began rapidly pulling the trigger over and over in the direction of Jenny, praying one of them would hit.
Out of the corner of her eye, while doing her best to dodge the beams from Mopey's power armor and come up with a plan, Jenny noticed several green laser beams heading towards her. Immediately, she tried her best to dodge this new set of lasers alongside the ones she was already dodging. Unfortunately, while she managed to dodge most of the blasts, one of Dismal's stray shots managed to hit the right engine on her wings, causing it to begin combusting.
"Shoot!" Jenny muttered. "Gotta make an emergency landing…" As she maneuvered to the ground, the lasers seemed to stop. Before she could wonder why that is, the ground she was currently pummeling towards became coated in ice. "Huh?" she asked, stunned by the sight. She tried to pull her descent away from the ice, but by then it was too late. Her right thruster exploded, sending her spiraling onto the ice, sliding across the street as she tried desperately to grasp onto something, only to get sent flying into a light post. Jenny sat up, holding her head, trying to get a grip on her sensors and take in her surroundings.
When she finally regained her focus, she couldn't help noticing five people standing in front of her. Sure enough, all five members of the Lonely Hearts Club Gang towered over her with a looming presence sinister intent. "H-hey, guys…" Jenny said shyly, taking note of the danger she now faced. "Those sure are some nifty gadgets you've gotten your hands on, huh?"
"Indeed," the boss replied smugly. "And there's more this came from! Not that you'll ever figure out what they do, seeing as you'll soon be taken offline- forever!"
Jenny rolled her eyes. "Oh, brother, like I haven't heard that line before. Do you seriously think Sheldon is going to join you if you take me out of the picture?"
"Pretty much, yeah," Glum replied with a shrug.
"And even if your pretty little boyfriend doesn't join us," the boss added, "then at the very least we'll get a big boost in notoriety for being the group that finally took out that pesky robot!"
"We'll be on top of Mudslinger's list!" Dismal cheered.
"Maybe even the whole town's criminal empire!" Soggy agreed.
"And no female will ever reject me again!" Mopey yelled through his suit.
"Mopey, we've talked about this," Glum said to his fellow gang member. "You haven't been on those message boards again have you?"
"We'll worry about that later," the boss commanded. "For now, we gotta get rid of our robot problem. Soggy? I think a solid gold statue might look good at the base."
Soggy grinned. "I think so too, boss. Should I do the honors?"
"Indeed, Soggy." As the goon raised his gold-transmuting gun towards Jenny, the boss bid his enemy farewell. "So long, XJ9. I'd say it was nice knowing you, but… well, we both know that's not true."
Jenny didn't respond. Instead, she defiantly stared down the barrel of Soggy's gun. If she was going to be turned into a statue, she'd be a statue that showed off her heroism, not her fear. Soggy began to squeeze the trigger, and Jenny braced herself for the blast.
"Her name is Jenny!" a voice shouted.
The six of them turned in the voice's direction, Soggy taking his hand off the trigger of his gun. Down the road stood Sheldon, without his jacket, in a black tank top, wearing the exoskeleton he had been working on, some kind of retro-styled blaster in his right hand. He stared down the gang members in fury. "I had a feeling your little Lonely Loser's Club was up to something," he spat. "As soon as I realized the portals opened by the old chocolate factory, I knew you guys would be the first to get your hands on whatever fell out."
"Bravo, lover boy," the boss mocked. "Did you come for a front row seat to the creation of our new gold statue?"
Rather than give a proper response, Sheldon began to walk towards the group, a calm anger in his eyes.
"Sheldon?" Jenny asked, a bit surprised at the sight before her. Something about how he acted was… off. For the briefest moment, she could've sworn she saw him flicker, as if he were a glitching projector.
"Projector…" she thought. She scanned around, before noticing something on the roof of the building beside her. There stood Sheldon, dressed the same way, but holding a hand to his red eye-piece, staring down at the group. Tracking his gaze, she realized there were two Sheldon's- and that the one approaching them was a hologram projecting from Sheldon's exo-suit.
"Hey, easy buddy," Glum said nervously to the hologram. "You wouldn't put your girl in danger just to get a hit on us would you?"
As if in response, the hologram Sheldon's exo-skeleton produced a metal glove over his left hand as he broke into a sprint.
Glum's face grew crestfallen. "Oh… oh no, you would do that."
"Forget the girl!" the boss yelled in a panic. "Scatter, boys!"
The five gangsters ran in various directions as the hologram ran towards them, only for it to vanish as Sheldon slid down a gutter drain pipe and ran to his girlfriend.
"Jenny, Jenny!" he yelled in a panic, shaking the robot. "Are you ok?! Are you hurt?"
"I'm alright, Sheldon," she assured him. "Quite the clever use of that hologram."
"Thanks!" A big grin spread across his face. "I would've got here sooner, but I had to record the motions and voice lines and such. Eheh~"
"Are you ready to kick some Lonely Loser butt?"
"Always."
Sheldon helped her to feet, and the two of them pressed up against each other, back to back, observing their surroundings. By now, the gangsters had realized they were deceived and began to circle the two of them.
"Nice trick, lover boy," the boss sneered. "But all you've done is buy that robot more time. Since you seem so devoted to her, I suppose you might as well join her."
"Got a plan?" Jenny asked.
"I think so," Sheldon replied. "Think you can distract the evil Silver Shell over there?" He stuck a thumb in the direction of Mopey.
Jenny smiled and rolled her eyes. "Sure thing, Shelly-welly." She laughed as her boyfriend cringed at the sound of her nickname for his retired alter-ego. "Alright, let's do this!"
With a nod of approval from her boyfriend, Jenny leapt straight for Mopey, knocking him back a bit. Before the others could react, a red laser cut across the pavement between them and the two currently locked in combat. The boss, Soggy, Dismal and Glum all turned to face Sheldon, who stood with a wrist-mounted laser cannon raised towards them- the same one he had pointed at them early that morning.
"You four- I can easily defeat all of you alone," he said with a smirk, oozing confidence.
"What gives you that idea?" Soggy scoffed. "There's four of us and only one of you's!"
Sheldon shrugged. "Because I'm not actually standing here." As soon as he said that, he immediately vanished into thin air.
"He's using his holographic trickery again!" the boss called. "Stay alert, boys!"
Dismal looked around nervously, before someone tackled him from the shadows, knocking his head against the pavement and rendering him unconscious. Sheldon ripped the weapon out of his hands as he got up, briefly taking note of the "Lexcorp'' logo on its side. The other three gangsters turned in his direction, the boss and Soggy pointing their guns in his directions, Glum raising his fists. Sheldon responded by, in turn, raising his own newly acquired gun. The four of them stood there, staring at each other, for what felt like minutes. Each one exchanging nervous glances with the others.
The tension was cut short when Sheldon finally took the first shot, aimed straight for Glum. The giant mobster shielded himself with his gauntlets, causing one of them to be destroyed instantly. The boss and Soggy immediately opened fire on Sheldon, with him immediately utilizing one of the dodge roll techniques he learned during his short stint as a secret agent. The two beams ended up creating a sheet of gold on the ground where he once stood, a few remnants of icicles poking through. Glum charged towards Sheldon, readying his still remaining gauntlet. Sheldon dodged a swing from Glum, the crackling of electricity bursting in his air. The boss fired a blast at Sheldon, only for it to hit Glum's legs as He charged at Sheldon again.
"GAAHHHH!" Glum screamed. "Boss! Ya froze ma legs!"
"You jumped in front of my freeze beam, you moron!" the boss retorted. "Besides, you can just punch that ice away."
"Nu-uh-uh!" Sheldon mocked, waving his finger. "As I'm sure even you must be aware, ice is the solid state of water. Considering it's a hot summer day, that ice is sure to be melting already. Therefore, if you bring down that crackling gauntlet on your legs- well, I think that even someone like you can figure out what will happen.
"Shut up!" Soggy yelled, firing off his gun at the nerd.
Sheldon ducked, the blast hitting the "M" in "Mezmer's," with it falling off the diner's sign and smashing into the sidewalk in front. "Something tells me he won't be too upset about that," Sheldon muttered.
Nearby, Jenny and Mopey continued to Duke it out, the gangster managing to carry on thanks to his armor. The two of them grappled each other, hands locking together as they tried to push the other over.
"Even with that armor, you're still not much without your buddies, huh?" Jenny taunted.
"I may have only had two hours with this thing," Mopey gritted, "but that doesn't mean I don't know how to use it!"
The triangular green light on the armor's chest began to glow, charging up power. Just it started firing, Jenny ducked, letting go of her grip on Mopey as she did so, allowing the blast to fire over her head. Activating her rocket roller skates, she sped off out of Mopey's reach before he could grab her. She smirked as the shoulder-mounted rocket launchers opened up.
"Bingo!" Jenny yelled, extending her arms and fingers towards Mopey's suit just as he fired a set of middles. Grabbing each one, she turned them around before letting go of them, allowing them to fly back to the suit.
"Oh…" Mopey muttered, stunned at the sight. "Well, that's not good." The resulting impact sent him hurtling towards the ground, burying himself into the pavement.
"Hold still, darn you!" Soggy yelled, trying to get a clean shot on Sheldon as he ran after him.
"No, I'd rather not!" Sheldon replied. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Mopey trying to stand up from the crater he had formed, rubbing his head slightly. "Hmm…" he muttered, putting a hand to his chin. A smile stretched across his face as an idea came to him. Turning his head back to Soggy, he yelled, "Hey, loser! Just try and catch me!" before turning on his heel and running towards Mopey.
"Why, you-!" Soggy gritted, firing off as many shots at Sheldon as he could.
Glancing over his shoulder, the nerd gritted his teeth. "Come on… come on… Now!" He jumped up, then landed into a roll, out of the way of a laser beam that was just inches away from hitting him.
Mopey stood up fully, a little dizzy. "Owww, my head…" he groaned. "Why didn't I wear the blasted helmet?" Taking in his surroundings, he noticed the chase between Soggy and Sheldon- and only as the latter jumped did he realize what was going on. "No, no! Soggy, wait-!" But it was too late. His wonderful titanium armor had been shot, and now it was rapidly turning to gold. "SOGGYYYYY!" he screamed out as the weight of the solid good suit caused him to fall over.
A soft "Woops," was all Soggy had to say. He turned his aim to Sheldon, who was hunched over and hyperventilating from all the running. "Well, at least I you now, boy…" he muttered as he steadied his aim on Sheldon.
Before he even realized he was being targeted, Sheldon heard a loud "Clang!" of metal. Confused, he turned in its direction. Soggy was falling to his knees, unconscious, with Jenny standing behind him, one of her hands transformed into a frying pan, vibrating a little from a hard impact. The robot girl transformed her hand back, giving him a wink and a thumbs up. After a few pants, Sheldon swallowed the saliva in his throat and smiled back, repeating the gesture to his girlfriend.
"Careful now," a Skyway Patrol general ordered his men. "There's limbs in there, ya know!"
"Sir, yes sir!" A group of Skyway Patrol cadets yelled in unison, holding with them all sorts of power saws, medical equipment and machinery as they marched towards the man stuck in a solid gold statue.
"If this is what it means to have a 'golden personality,' I think I'd rather be depressed for the rest of my life," Mopey muttered as a nurse pressed an ice pack to his forehead.
"Sir, you almost certainly have hypothermia," a paramedic said matter-of-factly.
Glum raised his head from the heavy-duty stretcher he lay on. "Does my insurance cover that?" he asked, worried.
"Sir, I think the question you should be asking isn't 'will my insurance cover that,' but rather, 'will I be able to keep my legs,' seeing as how serious this is."
"Please just rush me to the hospital."
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
"I demand ye let the lad go!" Mr. Mesmer screamed in the face of a Skyway Patrolman as two others hauled Soggy away to a prisoner vessel. "He ain't done nothing wrong!"
"He has committed multiple acts of public vandalism and has been accused of attempted murder on two citizens."
"Ah, phooey! All he's done is make me rich!" After noticing the patrolman's eyebrow raise, Mesmer quickly corrected himself. "I-I-I mean, the town, rich! He's made the town rich, what with all the random bits of gold everywhere!"
"Are you really going to ignore the attempted murder charges?"
"Ah, who cares?! Would this town really miss that filthy robot and her weirdo, machine-loving boyfriend?!"
After a pause, the patrolman simply said, "I don't know how you're still in business these days with opinions like that."
"Oh well, community service won't be too bad," Dismal said in the back of the prisoner transport as Soggy was loaded in. "We've done that song and dance before."
"The boy and the robot girl are pressing attempted murder charges on us," Soggy said simply.
"Oh… we won't last a day in the big boy prison…"
"You better stop calling it that, or they'll getcha first."
Off away on the sidelines, Nora had arrived on the scene just moments ago to conduct research on the new technology. "Oh, Sheldon, my boy," she said, resting her hand on his arm as she was too short to reach his shoulder, "I'm sorry for ever doubting you. You've proven more than capable in the past as well as today."
"Nora, did you really doubt me?" Sheldon asked. "Or… is this about something else?"
"Oh, alright," Nora relented. "The truth is, I guess I'm just a little bit jealous that my daughter would rather hang around her boyfriend than me these days. I'm sorry for being so immature."
"Mom, why didn't you say something?" Jenny said, giving Nora a hug. "We gotta make up for lost time now! Let's have a girl's night, just us! We can watch whatever weird sci-fi movie you like!"
"I thought you didn't care for my old sci-fi movies!"
"Well, she likes the ones I've shown her!" Sheldon said with a shrug.
The three of them let out hearty laughs.
Down the road, a car loaded with camping gear slowed to a stop, a Skyway Patrol roadblock stopping them from going forward. "What the heck is going on here?!" Tuck asked as he looked at the disaster scene from the front passenger seat.
"Heaven forbid we go camping for one weekend," Brad grumbled. "We come back just to find out we've missed out on all the fun."
Hours later, the Skyway Patrol general walked through the perimeter with a cadet by his side. "Status report, cadet," he commanded."
"Yes sir," the cadet replied. "The four of them all corroborated that a stash of other potentially inter-dimensional technology was located at their home base, the abandoned chocolate factory. We have dispatched a team to track down this technology, however none has been recovered aside from the four the criminals had. We believe word got out about the stash and that during the skirmish, numerous other local criminals got their hands on the tech. We're still in the process of tracking down leads, but Nora Wakeman has promised full co-operation on the condition we share the tech we find for her inter-dimensional research."
"Hmm, I see. Always good to have Nora working with us, but the failure to get our hands on that stash isn't great. Have we at least located the fifth individual?"
"Unfortunately not, sir."
"Hmm… how annoying. Get to work on that."
"Yes sir!"
The boss popped his head out of a trash can and looked around. Once assured the coast was clear, he hopped out and dusted off his clothes. "What an utter embarrassment," he grumbled. "I can't believe we lost to those two. At least I managed to get away during the commotion…" He let out a sigh. "Now what am I gonna do? If only he never loved that infernal machine. If only she never apologized to him! Argh!" He kicked a can as he began walking down the sidewalk, ensuring he stayed in the shadows. "Oh well. It's not like I'm going to fall into the perfect opportunity to rewrite that bit of history in another world or sometHING-!"
A white portal opened up beneath him, sucking him as he screamed in fear, closing not long after. Soon enough, it was as if the boss were never there.
The End.
…?
Author's note: This took far too long, and I apologize for that. I hope you all enjoy this though, and be sure to check out my new discord server linked in the bio on my main page.