AN: This is just a little fluffy piece that I wanted to do. I don't do this often, but I really wanted to do this contemplative/stream-of-consciousness type piece about their relationship. It can be read alone, but it can also be a prequel for the ones I've already published in the little universe I've created. This does not follow canon exactly, so just be aware of that.
I own nothing from Star Trek.
I hope you enjoy! If you do, please do let me know!
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Saru stood in the living room of his new quarters on the space station for Starfleet Headquarters.
The quarters aboard the station were created for those who worked there to live in close proximity to each other and to their jobs, essentially. Of course, people came and went as their work required them to do so, but the quarters provided them with a "home" to call their own—and somewhere to which they could always return between missions. There were single occupancy quarters, as was and had always been common aboard these stations, and there were family quarters.
Saru's quarters were family quarters.
There was a lot of meaning in that word—family.
Saru meditated on it as he moved around the space—his space. It wasn't meditation in the strictest sense of the world, of course. It wasn't the kind of quiet, focused meditation that T'Rina practiced often. This was more of an active meditation—a deep contemplation. Saru allowed his thoughts to simply flow, without trying to force them in one direction or another.
They had presented him with the promise of private quarters as a benefit and a bonus of his position. Living close together with his colleagues reminded Saru of Kaminar, and his thoughts of Kaminar took his stream of consciousness in a thousand different directions. He didn't try to force himself to follow any one path. Rather, he walked quietly down them all as he contemplated his space.
He was given family quarters as an engaged individual. Soon, he would be married, and his home would become "their home." The very thought of it made Saru's pulse pick up its speed in the best way possible. T'Rina would have her home, of course, on Ni'Var—their home on Ni'Var. They would reside, together, where and when they could, as their roles allowed.
The contemplation of his own home, and his own family, brought back so many old thoughts for Saru. It brought up the realization of how little he truly knew about his people—how truly they knew about themselves. Their culture, for so long, had been theirs, but it had also been a lie.
And, now, it was all different. Saru had chosen, for himself to eschew some of the beliefs and practices that he might consider part of his culture, in favor for ones that he chose for himself.
He was about to be married, and on Kaminar, he had only considered the prospect of love and marriage with great fear. To know oneself as livestock—born to die—was bad enough. To know one's loved ones as the same was far crueler.
But to fall in love? To choose a mate, only to know that they would likely be taken from you, in pain and suffering, and offered over to their death?
Saru had promised himself, though he didn't say the words aloud, to keep from hurting those around him, that he would mate—as was expected of them by the Ba'ul—only when it was required. He would do so with detachment, and never with love. He would produce the offspring that he was expected to produce for the continuation of the species—and for the continuation of the Ba'ul, who preyed upon them—but he would not love. Furthermore, he would not allow himself to be loved.
He would not add to his pain or, if he were the first to be culled, the pain of another.
Saru had never taken a mate. He had never chosen a potential mate. Until now.
And, now, he would lay down his life without a second's hesitation, if he knew that it would save T'Rina. Now, he was so overcome with love that he fell asleep meditating on her face, and he didn't tell her that most of his thoughts, when he spent time in quiet meditation in a way that honored her culture, were thoughts of her—of how much he loved her.
T'Rina would be his home. Whatever structure they occupied together would be the shelter for their love, but she would be his home. As long as he knew that he had her, he truly needed very little else.
Through her, all good things would come to him.
T'Rina gave Saru love. She gave him the feeling of loving and of being loved in return. She brought him feelings of desire that he had never known before—desire to know her intimately, in every way that might be possible. She gave him the promise, too, that she would fulfill all his desires after their marriage.
In a few days, he would bring her here as his bride.
She would have, admittedly, come earlier, if he'd wanted such a thing. The Vulcan beliefs about the vast differences between physical sexual practices and true intimacy were such that there would be no true shame or scandal if she were to stay with him prior to their marriage. It would be nothing like the taboo it was in some other cultures.
It was Saru that had chosen for them to keep their distance during these days of preparation for their marriage. From the cultural practices that he'd chosen, he liked one that suggested that a few days spent in quiet meditation of their love for each other and their hopes for the future together, was the best way to spend their time before their marriage. Furthermore, he enjoyed the suggestion that the absence would make them more anxious to be together, finally, as husband and wife.
Even though it was his decision to lessen their contact for a few days, however, Saru found that he couldn't bear to be entirely without T'Rina when their separation wasn't a necessity. He still called her, sometimes several times a day, and she teased him about it, reminding him that the separation until marriage was his decision, when she—currently staying in nearby guest quarters—would have been just as happy to move directly into what would be their shared quarters.
He relished her teasing as much as anything else.
Saru relished having someone in his life that could tease him in such a way that, somehow, it still made him feel good. It made him feel as if they shared something secret and profound with each other—something that made that dynamic possible.
Through T'Rina, Saru would know the true meaning of a home—of safety and security. Even though their jobs often put them in positions that were dangerous, and nothing was promised to them, in T'Rina, he would always know that he had a place to which he could return. He had a place where he was safe and free from judgement. He had a place where he could rest.
T'Rina showed him true acceptance. Saru knew how very different he was than many others. That had been a very big part of his life—he had been different. He saw, even when they meant no harm, how others looked at him. He saw the curiosity and the fear. Sometimes, he saw the rejection, based solely on the fact that he was so entirely other.
T'Rina didn't look at him with judgment in her eyes. She heard him, when he spoke. She listened. She saw him for who he was, and she made it clear that, not only did she accept him, but she liked what she saw.
T'Rina made Saru feel strong, and handsome, and important. Every bit unlike the cowering Kelpien he might have once believed he would be—perhaps doomed to watch his mate and his family dragged off to be culled, should their time come before his—Saru felt powerful.
Nothing and no one would threaten his mate.
Nothing and no one would threaten his home.
Saru realized that his meditation—his focused contemplation—had stirred him up. At the very thought that someone or something might threaten his beloved, he felt his body respond. He felt the spines emerge, ready to aid him in protecting that which was most precious to him.
He focused his attention to calm himself, making his way to the bedroom and activating the holoimage of T'Rina that she'd given him, when he'd made such a request. He held the image in his palm and smiled at her image. Just seeing her calmed him.
Soon, she would be there. He would see her whenever their work allowed them to be together.
She would be home. She would be his home.
Through T'Rina, perhaps, Saru would know what it meant to have a family. If they were biologically compatible, they might reproduce. Together, they would create young that wasn't destined to be fodder for another species. Instead of mourning the loss of his young before they'd even been born, Saru would be able to celebrate their potential growth. With T'Rina, he would be able to imagine what they might do and what they might become.
Saru would be a husband and a father.
And, yet, when he looked around his quarters—their quarters—he couldn't help but notice that it didn't look welcoming for T'Rina. It didn't look like he was ushering her into her new life and was inviting her to make this space a comfortable home for both of them. It had been prepared for Saru in mind, with very little thought of her.
And, for that reason, Saru had requested the delivery of a large-item replicator to be used for the day.
Giving his holoimage one last look, Saru replaced it on the table in his bedroom. He looked around the bedroom. The temperature of the quarters would be cool for T'Rina—and damp—but she had said that it wouldn't bother her. She would adjust.
Saru replicated a number of soft, warm blankets for her. In addition, he replicated a soft, warm robe that she could wear over her clothing, keeping her warm as she moved around their home.
T'Rina was a good bit smaller than Saru—something that, honestly, struck a chord of fear in him sometimes. He feared hurting her in some way, unintentionally. She assured him, though, that she was quite hearty, as a Vulcan, and was not as fragile as he liked to believe.
Fragile or not, she was still a good bit smaller than Saru.
And, so, a small set of steps was replicated for the bed, to make it easier for her to access the structure. Saru added the same kind of steps to the tub, so that she would find it easy to access the space. Another set went to the living room for the seating arrangements there, and another set went to the dining area, since offering her a shorter chair would only mean that she would struggle to comfortably reach her food on the table. A final set was placed in the kitchen, so that it could be moved when and where she found that she needed help accessing any of the amenities there.
Saru added a few soft blankets around the living area—something to keep her warm, should she catch a chill while working from the space.
He replicated slippers to keep her feet warm and dry. The cool, damp, moss carpeting of the quarters, after all, might cause her to catch a chill if she were padding about in bare feet. And Saru wanted her to be comfortable.
If it meant that she would be uncomfortable, honestly, he would agree to live in a hot, dry home like those most familiar to her, rather than ask her to acclimate to what was most familiar to him.
But she promised him that she was quite adaptable and eager to experience life in a space that was comfortable for him.
For that purpose, he determined to make any and every space as comfortable for her as was possible.
When Saru had chosen a few more items for T'Rina as gifts to make her feel more welcomed and more comfortable, he let them know that he was done with the replicator and he moved it outside of the space for someone to pick up. Then, he made tea and settled down in the living area. He placed a call, hoping that he wasn't interrupting anything, but also hoping that T'Rina had nothing going on that would keep her from answering him.
When she appeared on his screen, she was doing her best to look sternly at him, but he detected the hint of a smile beyond the put-on expression.
He could read her emotions with an easiness like drawing in a breath of fresh air, no matter how hard she tried to suppress them. That knowledge, alone, made him feel close to her. It made him feel that they were profoundly connected.
It made him feel that the promise that their love would last forever was written in the stars, as they say, by some higher being or by fate itself.
"If you're going to insist on calling me three times a day," T'Rina said, "it really would be more logical for me to share your space."
Saru smiled at her.
"Soon, you will always share my space," he said.
"Except when one of us is away," T'Rina said, ever-logical and devoted to being sure that Saru remained grounded in logic.
"Then—you will always hold the space in my heart," Saru said, "that belongs only to you."
He could sense that she was pleased—beyond pleased, even. His pulse kicked up a notch as he sensed her happiness with him, even through the cold and lifeless screen. Her silence was a further indication that she was a bit overwhelmed and carefully guarding her response.
Her expression changed, slightly, as she chose how she wished to respond.
"Is there a particular reason, Saru, for which you have contacted me? I was—just about to meditate. You have stressed to me the importance of spending quiet time in deep thought about our impending nuptials and our roles as husband and wife. I appreciate the focused attention to our relationship that such a practice will provide, but I can hardly be expected to fulfill my meditative duties if I am also answering my betrothed's summons at every turn."
Saru smiled at her.
"I only called to say that—our home is ready for you," Saru said. "I have—prepared everything for you. I have attempted to make a space that will be pleasing to you. I wish for you to feel welcome here, T'Rina. Comfortable. And I—anticipate, happily, the moment when I will first see you here and know that you have no intention to ever leave."
"Except when duty requires," T'Rina offered.
"Of course," Saru agreed. "I only—want you to be happy here."
"I have only one question," T'Rina said.
"I will answer anything," Saru said.
He saw a hint of a smile play at her lips. He practically felt the wave of love and affection from her through the screen. He felt overwhelmed by it, though he realized that it was probably his own love, too, that felt like it was great enough to drown them both.
"Will you be there, Saru?" T'Rina asked.
"Of course," he said.
"Then—I will be most pleased to be there, too."