A/N: I hope you're ready for the devastation. Enjoy!
Jed smiled to himself as he walked down the street, hardly able to contain his excitement as he neared the apartment, and when he opened the door, he was greeted by Heathcliff, his tail wagging so fast that his entire body shook with the movement.
"Hi, buddy. How was your day? Did you have a nice day today?"
He reached down to pet the dog quickly, making sure to keep his right hand behind his back, and when he straightened, he called Abbey's name, smiling when she walked into the room, her hair swept into a ponytail, a sure sign she'd been cleaning.
"How was your day?" she asked with a smile.
"Fine," he replied, looking at her warmly, "Close your eyes, I have a surprise for you."
Abbey laughed, but did as he asked, her voice light as she spoke.
"The last time you said that, I ended up with a puppy," she reminded him.
"Not this time."
He reached for her hand, placing the large bouquet of red roses into her arms, and when he told her to open her eyes, she gasped, looking at him as though he'd lost his mind.
"Jed, they're beautiful!"
"Happy anniversary, baby."
She smiled, then frowned, her expression slightly worried.
"Now I feel terrible. Your gift won't be here for another two days. I had to have Millie send it through the mail. I'm sorry, babe."
Jed waved her apology away, moving closer so that he could kiss her, taking great care not to crush the roses between them.
"Don't worry about it. I wasn't expecting a new car or anything. As long as you and Heathcliff are here, that's all the gift I need."
"So I should call Millie and tell her not to worry about sending it?" Abbey said jokingly.
"I didn't say that, Abigail."
Abbey laughed, stepping away from him just long enough to take the roses into the kitchen, and when he followed her, he smiled as he watched her place them in water, her fingers trailing lightly over the velvet petals. Jed walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, and when he kissed her cheek, she smiled, turning just enough that she could see his eyes.
"Happy anniversary, Jed. I love you."
"I love you, too. Hard to believe a year has passed already. It seems like it was just yesterday that you and I were both panicking in that church because we were so nervous."
"I know," she said with a laugh, "How could we have been so ridiculous?"
"Hey, would this technically be Sara and Jeremy's anniversary, or just the anniversary of when we all found out?"
"I think it's the latter, babe," Abbey replied, "Pretty sure that had been going on for a while before anyone else knew about it. She was asking me about him the first few times we ever spoke, so I think we were just the last to find out."
"I still can't believe you thought I would change my mind about marrying you. As if I could have ever been with anyone else. What kind of insanity was that?"
Abbey laughed again, shaking her head slowly.
"The temporary kind, hopefully. I just–we were so young, and everyone except our closest friends thought we were making a huge mistake, and it started to get to me. But as soon as I saw you in the church, I knew we were doing the right thing. I've never been more certain of anything in my life, and I don't think I ever will be again."
Jed kissed her again, lifting her slightly off her feet, and when he placed her back down on the floor, he gave her a warm smile, running his fingers through her hair.
"Well, what should we do for our first anniversary?"
Abbey smiled, kissing him again.
"I can think of a few things."
"Do tell, Mrs. Bartlet," he said with a smile.
"Now why would I do that when it's so much more fun to show you?" she whispered, reaching for the collar of his shirt.
As she kissed him, Jed couldn't have found fault in her logic even if he'd tried.
When Abbey opened her eyes to find Jed still in the bed next to her, she frowned, glancing at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It wasn't late, but it was most definitely later than Jed had woken up in the better part of a year, and when she reached out to lightly shake him awake, she briefly wondered if something was wrong. He slowly opened his eyes when she whispered his name, and when he noticed the concerned look in her eyes, he raised up, blinking at her in confusion.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"Aren't you going to class or work today?"
Jed shook his head, leaning back on the pillow when he was certain there was no emergency that needed to be tended to.
"Nope."
"Why not? Are you sick? Is something wrong?"
He laughed quietly, shaking his head again.
"Abbey, there isn't a national emergency every time I decide to stay home. I just thought that it would be nice to spend the day together. I was originally planning on it yesterday for our anniversary, but that would have ruined the surprise. So today, I'm all yours. Whatever you want to do, all you have to do is just say the word."
Abbey smiled, laying her head on his chest, moving as close to him as possible without being on top of him, and closed her eyes, her voice soft as she slowly traced patterns on his skin.
"For now, can we just spend a little more time in bed? I don't feel like moving at the moment."
Jed nodded, kissing her hair softly, tightening his hold on her as he answered.
"Anything you want."
"You're going to regret that statement, Jed Bartlet."
He laughed.
"You're probably right."
Jed breathlessly kissed Abbey's temple the moment he could remember how to move, and as she laid on his chest, she drew in a shaking breath, running her hand through her slightly damp hair.
"I'd say you've outdone yourself, babe," she said, her voice ragged as she glanced at him.
"What can I say? I aim to please."
"You've succeeded. There's just one problem, though. I still need to get the laundry finished and if we stay here much longer, any motivation I have now will completely disappear."
"You sure? Because I'm rather enjoying spending my day with you naked in bed."
Abbey laughed, rolling her eyes as she lifted her head from his chest, kissing him once as she moved away from him, her voice light as she spoke.
"Jed, do you honestly think you could do that again right now? Because if you can, I'm extremely impressed. I don't think I have another round left."
"I didn't say anything about sex, babe. I said I was enjoying spending the day in bed. Doesn't mean that it has to lead to sex."
"It always does with you," she pointed out, "and I think I've reached my limit for now."
"Fair enough. But you know, you could always do the laundry naked if you wanted."
Her quiet laughter as she left the room was enough to make him shake his head in defeat. Oh, well. It had been worth a shot. As soon as he was alone, Jed swung his feet over the edge of the bed, searching for suitable clothing to wear, and just as he pulled his shirt over his head, he heard the sound of someone knocking at the front door, causing him to frown. Abbey flew into the room, her satin robe tightly tied at her waist and as she looked at him, he noticed that she looked slightly annoyed.
"Neil's here," she said, slightly out of breath, "Not that I would normally mind, but would you please get rid of him while I get dressed?"
Jed nodded, kissing her cheek before he walked into the living room, and as he pulled open the door, he tried his best to keep his annoyance to a minimum.
"Neil, what are you doing here?"
"You weren't in class today and that's not like you, so I wanted to make sure nothing had happened to you or Abbey."
Bless this sweet man. Jed smiled, shaking his head once.
"Nothing's wrong, I just took the day off to spend time with Abbey. Yesterday was our anniversary, so I thought it would be nice to have the entire day together to do whatever she wants."
"Oh. That's nice. I'm guessing by the state of your hair that you just got out of bed?"
Jed laughed.
"Well, as a matter of fact, I did sleep in this morning. It was nice being woken up by my wife rather than the shrieking of an alarm clock. She's waiting for me to help with the laundry though, so I should probably get back to it before she murders me."
Neil laughed.
"Fair enough. Have a good day Jed, and tell Abbey that I said hi."
"Will do."
As he closed the door behind him, he smiled when he noticed Abbey standing in the middle of the room, now wearing a pair of loose-fitting jeans and his old Notre Dame sweatshirt, and he made his way closer, his eyes looking at her approvingly.
"You look amazing in my clothes," he remarked lightly.
"The jeans are mine, for your information. But thank you. The sweatshirt is extremely comfortable."
He laughed, wrapping his arms around her waist, and when he kissed her, she ran his fingers lightly through his hair, smiling when they broke apart, her voice amused.
"You know, Jed, I think I may have found that gray hair you mentioned a few months ago."
Jed rolled his eyes at her, tapping the end of her nose with his finger.
"Hush. It's all your fault anyway. You're likely going to be the cause of every single gray hair I have in my life."
"I doubt it. That will be any future children we have. Especially if they're girls. Face it, Jed. You would be the most fiercely protective father to any children we had, whether you liked it or not."
"Well, since I don't think that's in the cards for us right now, I'm going to stick with blaming you. It makes me feel better about getting old."
Abbey stared at him incredulously, hardly able to believe what he'd said.
"You aren't even thirty years old yet, Jed. You're hardly 'getting old' by any stretch of the imagination. You shouldn't be having a mid-life crisis this early. You're going to live well past your fifties, if my future medical training has anything to say about it."
"What does your future medical training have to do with my life expectancy?" he asked, shaking his head.
"Because I refuse to let you die. I'll do anything I have to do to keep you alive as long as possible. You really expect me to be able to live without you? Not likely."
"Abbey, you'd be fine without me. We've talked about this before."
"Yes, but we've never seriously discussed it and I would be just as lost without you as you would be without me. So deal with it, Bartlet. You're going to live forever if it's up to me."
"Only if you're there with me."
"Of course I would be. You think you're getting away from me that easily?"
Jed laughed, shaking his head.
"Wouldn't dream of it, babe."
Though Neil had always been a quiet person, there was something about the silence now that struck Jed as different, and as they sat reading in the library, he frowned, trying to think of the best possible way to broach the subject. After all, he had no idea what was behind his newfound silence, and as he took a slow breath, he hoped he wasn't about to put his foot into his mouth.
"Neil, is everything okay? You're quieter than usual."
Neil shrugged, not looking up from his paper, and Jed braced himself, trying again.
"If you want to talk, I don't mind listening."
"No, thanks, Jed. I'm fine."
Jed frowned but said nothing, feeling more than a little helpless, and as he returned his attention to his own paper, he tried to ignore the voice in the back of his head telling him that something was seriously wrong with the young man sitting across from him.
"Are you coming by to study with Abbey for the French final? She's more than happy to help."
"No, I don't think so."
Okay, something was definitely not right here. But Jed would be damned if he knew what. He sighed softly, occasionally sneaking glances at his friend as he continued to work on his paper, and when Neil stood up suddenly, Jed frowned.
"Jed, can you give Abbey a message for me? Tell her I said thanks for all her help. I would have never made it through French without her and I want her to know how much I appreciate it. And you, for just being so nice to me. You two are the best friends I have in London, and it really means a lot to me that you've helped me over the last year."
"Sure, I'll tell her, but why don't you tell her yourself the next time you see her? I'm sure she'd love to hear it directly from you."
Neil said nothing else, merely looking back at him once as he walked away, and Jed frowned, watching his friend until he could no longer see him. If he'd known it was the last time he'd ever see him alive, Jed would have run after him without hesitation.
When the front door opened revealing a Jed that looked more broken than Abbey had seen him since the death of his father, she was immediately concerned, rushing to meet him as he all but fell into the living room, his eyes vacant as he walked.
"Jed, what's wrong?"
He turned to look at her, though she didn't think he'd even truly heard the question, and when she led him over to the couch, he collapsed onto it, his entire body shaking as she sat next to him.
"Jed…baby, talk to me. What's wrong?"
Jed blinked, tears filling his eyes, and Abbey reached for his hand, trying to offer any support she possibly could.
"Neil's dead."
Abbey froze, her eyes wide as she stared at him, her hand still holding his, though she now felt as though she'd been doused in ice cold water.
"What?" she asked softly, "What happened?"
"He…do you remember the message he asked me to give you yesterday? Well, after he left the library, apparently he went home and somehow got quite a few pills…he took them all, Abbey. By the time his housemate found him after work, it was too late. He'd been so quiet all day yesterday and I asked him if something was wrong, but he said he was fine. Then when he asked me to give you that message…I should have known something was going to happen. I should have seen enough to stop him from leaving that damn library."
"Jed…" Abbey began quietly, "Jed, it wasn't your fault."
Her voice broke as the tears began to fall down her face, and he moved closer, burying his head in her shoulder as he cried, his tears falling harder when he felt her begin to run her fingers through his hair. She paid little attention to her own tears, though she could feel them cascading from her eyes as she held him, his grip on her waist tight. They stayed that way for quite some time, each one taking comfort in the other's physical presence, and when Jed finally raised his head from her shoulder, his bright blue eyes met her own viridian green slowly.
"I just don't understand it, Abbey. What was he thinking? Why would he make such a permanent and devastating decision?"
"We may never know," she told him quietly, "No one knows what battles he was fighting and how long he'd been fighting them. And unless he left some kind of note behind, we'll never find out. Some things you just can't change."
"It isn't fair. He was so young, he had his entire life ahead of him. I mean sure, he struggled with French, but who doesn't have at least one subject that they hate? You were helping him, he was making really good progress, I–I just don't understand why."
"He was in pain," Abbey said gently, "and it's not for us to judge why he made the choices he made or to say whether that pain was worth ending his life over. Only he could make that decision, and he did. Judging him now won't help him, and it won't bring him back. Neither will blaming yourself, because this was Neil's decision, not yours. You can't blame yourself for this."
"I'm not trying to judge him, I'm trying to understand," Jed said softly, "With someone like Howson, it made sense. He was a terrible person who had done horrific things to innocent people. Neil wasn't like that, he was just a student who was trying to make it through the school year."
"I know, but Jed…honey, you might have to just let this one go. It's not our place to understand everything. It's just part of being alive."
Jed sighed, looking at her sadly, his expression so desolate that it broke her heart.
"Abbey?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm going to go lie down. Will you come with me?"
She smiled sadly, nodding once as he stood up.
"Of course I will, babe."
As they walked down the hall to the bedroom, Abbey could feel Heathcliff's eyes following them, and she smiled at him sadly as they closed the door, knowing he would be keeping watch over them for the rest of the night.
The next few days were somber in the Bartlet household as they prepared to attend Neil's memorial service and on the day of, Abbey walked into the living room wearing a simple black dress and heels, feeling somewhat proud that she had managed to dress herself at all. Both she and Jed had been devastated by the loss of their friend, and as Jed joined her in the room moments later, she looked at him carefully. The dark circles under his eyes were prominent, further evidence that he hadn't been sleeping well, and as she helped him with the cuff links and his tie, he gave her a grateful smile.
"Thanks."
She smiled, kissing his cheek lightly.
"You're welcome. You look very nice. Neil would be impressed to know that you can clean up well when you want to."
His answering smile was weak but there, and considering the circumstances, Abbey figured she would take what she could get when it came to his mood. They had both been caught completely off-guard by Neil's suicide, but she knew Jed was taking it harder than most, still blaming himself for not seeing the signs, regardless of how many times he tried to convince her otherwise. She reached for his hand as they walked out the door, both seeking and providing comfort, and as they made their way to the bus stop, she took a deep breath, willing herself to keep it together. Jed needed her, and they couldn't afford for both of them to fall apart.
"Excuse me, are you Jed Bartlet, by any chance?"
Turning at the voice just to his right, Jed nodded, looking at the young man curiously, still holding Abbey's hand tightly.
"I am."
"I'm Connor Jensen, I was Neil's housemate. He talked a lot about you and when I was packing up his things to send to his parents, I found these. They were addressed to you and your wife."
He held out two envelopes, one bearing Jed's name, the other Abbey's, and as he took them, Jed nodded at Connor, smiling lightly.
"Thank you. This is my wife, Abbey."
Abbey held out the hand that wasn't holding Jed's, smiling at Connor as he looked at her.
"Thank you for bringing them. I'm sure Neil would have appreciated it."
"It was nice to meet you both."
They were left alone as Connor walked away, and Jed exchanged a look with Abbey, both wondering what Neil could have possibly left behind for them.
"Jed, I think we should probably go," Abbey said softly, "It's just a memorial service, it's not like Neil's here."
Jed nodded. There hadn't been a funeral at the request of Neil's family, opting instead to have his body sent back home, and if he were being honest, Jed couldn't blame them. He wouldn't have wanted a funeral service so far away from his home, either. He wrapped his arm around her waist, neither one of them looking at anyone as they passed, and when they had finally made it back to the sanctity of their apartment twenty minutes later, Jed breathed a sigh of relief.
He still held the envelope tightly in his hand, almost afraid to open it, but when Abbey excused herself to open her own, he knew he didn't have much choice. Neil had left this for him, surely there was a reason for it. He slid his finger under the lip of the envelope, opening it carefully, and when he unfolded the piece of paper inside, he immediately recognized Neil's somewhat rushed handwriting and braced himself for whatever the words might tell him.
Jed,
If you're reading this, then I think we both know what that means. No matter what you might be thinking right now, this had nothing to do with you. In fact, you and Abbey may very well have kept me alive for far longer than I ever expected. I left this where I knew Connor would find it because I want to make one thing very clear: please don't blame yourself. You were my first real friend here in London and right up until the end, you were one of the nicest people I've ever known in my life. I just wanted to thank you for that. You'll never know how much our friendship meant to me.
I'm sorry that I wasn't a better friend to you and I hope that one day, after enough time has passed, maybe you can forgive me. Take care of yourself and Abbey. I love you like a brother, Jed. Always will.
Neil
Jed felt his eyes fill with tears as he set the letter down on the coffee table, wiping his hand under them furiously in an attempt to stop them, and as he reached for the letter again, he knew there was no way in hell he was going to sleep that night.
Abbey,
I know Jed already told you this (or at least I asked him to), but I want to thank you for all your help with my French lessons over the last year. I would have never made it this far without you, and I'm not just talking about school. You and Jed have become the closest friends I have here in London, and I'm so sorry for the way I acted the night of that party. I should have never kissed your cheek like that, regardless of whether I was drunk or not. I want you to know that. I also want you to know how sorry I am about the baby, because you're going to be an amazing mother some day, and I'm sad that I won't be around to see it. Please keep an eye on Jed after all this is over, because you and I both know that he's going to blame himself for not stopping me. The truth is, he couldn't have stopped me even if he'd tried, and the reason I'm telling you this is because I think at one point in your life, you knew exactly how I'm feeling at this moment. If that's true, don't make the same choice I did. Losing me will upset him, but losing you would absolutely kill him.
Abbey, you have so much to offer the world, even if you don't always feel like it, so please, for me, don't ever give up. I'm sorry I wasn't as strong as you, but maybe you can be strong enough for both of us. Take care of yourself as well as Jed right now. I'm sorry. I love you, always.
Neil
By the time she finished reading the letter, Abbey's eyes were so blinded by tears that she couldn't see anything in front of her, and as the paper fell from her hand, she covered her mouth with her fingers, desperate to keep her sobs quiet. Her heart broke for Neil, so lost and broken that he hadn't seen another way out, it broke for Jed, who had just lost the best friend he'd had since moving to London, and it broke for herself, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that it wasn't true.
She allowed herself a few more moments to cry, her hand clamped over her mouth until she felt the worst had passed, and as she wiped away the remnants of her tears, she stood up slowly, making her way to the door. She opened it slowly, walking down the hall towards the sound of Jed's sobs, and when she was near enough, she wrapped her arms around him, holding him as tightly as she could, fighting the urge to burst into tears.
"He told me it wasn't my fault," Jed whispered.
"It wasn't, and Neil knew you would blame yourself for not seeing the signs. He told me in my letter that you couldn't have stopped him even if you'd tried."
Jed frowned.
"What?"
She nodded, looking at him seriously.
"He said you couldn't have stopped him," she repeated, "Jed, he told both of us that it wasn't your fault. Even as he was preparing to take his own life, he was thinking of you and your well-being. I think that's a pretty strong argument for how much your friendship meant to him and how much he cared about you. Don't dishonor his memory by doing the one thing he asked you not to do."
"I know he cared, that's why this is so hard," Jed told her, tears filling his eyes again, "He should still be here, talking about Wuthering Heights with you, or telling me about his life back home, not a cold body on a plane over the ocean."
Abbey relaxed her hold on him for just a moment, allowing her the freedom to place a light kiss to his hair, as he had done so many times to her, and she blinked in a vain attempt to keep her own tears in check.
"I know, baby," she whispered, "but that's the thing about life, it doesn't always go the way we think it should. We have to find a way to accept that and keep going. It's hard sometimes, but put your trust in God, and He'll help you through it."
"I hope you're right, Abbey."
God, she hoped so, too.
When Abbey walked into the bedroom two days after Neil's memorial service to find Jed on his knees next to the bed, she smiled sadly, knowing just how hard his friend's death had been on him, and she kept her steps light as she walked closer. For a moment, she could imagine what he had been like as a teenager, his entire life devoted to the Church, and it made her feel more than a little angry that so much had happened in so little time to cause him to question his faith and the God he so lovingly followed.
As he finished his prayer, Abbey took another step, not wanting to alarm him but wanting him to be aware of her presence, and he turned, smiling softly when he noticed her.
"Hey."
"Hey. Having a little chat with God?"
He shrugged.
"God doesn't seem to want to listen to me right now." he replied somewhat bitterly, "but I figured it couldn't hurt to try."
"It never hurts to try," she agreed, walking closer and kneeling next to him, "Jed, I know this has been hard, and I want you to know that if you ever want to talk about anything, I'm always here to listen."
He smiled, reaching for her hand.
"I know. That's just one of the many reasons I love you. We'll get through this. It's going to take time and hurt a hell of a lot more than I would like, but we'll make it."
He was silent for a moment then raised his eyes to hers, a slightly worried expression in the bright blue depths.
"Won't we?"
Abbey moved closer, pulling him into her arms, holding him as his head fell on her shoulder, and she ran her fingers lightly through his hair, pressing her lips to his forehead.
"We'll make it, baby," she whispered, "We'll make it."
"I miss him so much, Abbey…"
She nodded, her fingers never once stopping their path through his hair, and took a breath that was less than steady.
"I know," she said quietly, "So do I."
Abbey jumped slightly when she felt something touch her body, smiling when she glanced down to find Heathcliff sitting next to them, and as she reached out to pet him softly, she had never felt more grateful for their little family.
That night as she listened to the sound of the shower running, Abbey closed the bedroom door, kneeling on the ground as soon as she was certain that Jed wasn't going to return, and closed her eyes, taking several breaths before she spoke.
"I know I'm not as devout as Jed," she began, her voice a soft whisper, "but I'm really hoping that doesn't matter right now. He's really struggling right now, and I'd appreciate it if You could just find some way to help him through this. He's in so much pain and I don't think I can help him on my own, so please…please help him. Even if You never listen to another prayer of mine again for the rest of my life, would You please listen to this one? Jed needs Your love and guidance right now. Please don't desert him when He needs you the most."
She heard the shower stop and continued the rest of her prayer silently, finishing just before Jed walked back into the bedroom, and when he looked at her curiously, she gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.
"How was your shower?"
"Well, it wasn't the boiling sauna you prefer, but it was still nice."
She rolled her eyes jokingly, sighing dramatically.
"You're never going to stop insulting my temperature preferences, are you?"
Jed shook his head, smiling at her.
"Nope."
He walked closer to her, shaking the water from his hair, smiling when she jumped back, an indignant look on her face.
"Jed Bartlet, have you lost your mind?"
"Probably," he said with a laugh, "Is that a dealbreaker?"
Abbey laughed, shaking her head.
"Jed, I would still love you even if you had a lobotomy."
"Good to know."
Staring at the tiny object in her hand, Abbey struggled to remember how to breathe, more than a little grateful that Jed had taken Heathcliff for a walk, and she sat down on the bed, hardly able to form a coherent thought. The sound of the front door opening dimly registered in her mind as they returned, but she didn't so much as flinch at it, her every sense seemingly shut off from the outside world.
"Abbey, do you have an old towel or something that you don't care about ruining? Heathcliff jumped into a massive mud puddle and I want to clean him up before he makes too much of a mess."
Though she heard the question, she didn't have the slightest clue of how to answer, and when Jed pushed open the bedroom door, he gave her a smile.
"I guess you didn't hear me with the door shut. Do you have–Abbey, are you okay?"
Still she didn't answer, her vocal cords frozen in her throat, and as he walked closer, Jed's casual curiosity began to morph into worry, his eyes never leaving her as he knelt in front of her.
"Abbey? Honey, can you hear me?"
Jed reached out to touch her cheek lightly, feeling more than a little concerned now, and when she finally blinked, he smiled in relief, his eyes locking on hers.
"Hey…what's wrong, baby? Whatever it is, I don't mind listening, even if you think it sounds stupid. That's what I'm here for."
Abbey shook her head, unsure of how to begin, and when she spoke, her voice was shaking so badly that she inwardly cursed herself.
"I–I hadn't been feeling well for a while," she began, "At first, I thought it was just because I was upset about Neil and trying to keep my head on straight, but as the days went on, it just kept getting worse. I was dizzy, lightheaded, everything seemed to make me nauseous, so I got curious."
She held out the object in her hand, something he hadn't even noticed until that very moment, and with a jolt he realized what it was, his eyes, darting back up to hers almost immediately.
"Abbey, are you saying–?"
She nodded.
"I'm pregnant, Jed. Again."
"Okay…let's stop and think about this rationally for a moment. Just because we had a bad experience the first time, that doesn't mean that it will happen this time around. There's no reason we won't have a perfectly healthy baby. But I don't want to get ahead of myself. How are you feeling right now?"
Abbey sighed, her eyes brimming with tears, and when she spoke, they spilled over, falling down her face rapidly.
"I'm scared," she whispered, "Jed, I know I said that I wanted children, but I don't know if I can risk going through that again. What if something happens? What if it's like the last time? What if there's something wrong with me and that's why I lost–"
She stopped, her tears making it impossible for her to continue speaking, and Jed gathered her in his arms, holding her as tightly as he dared, not wanting to risk hurting her.
"Shh…there's nothing wrong with you. And we're going to have the most beautiful little baby in the world that's going to drive us crazy as they grow up. Just think about it, you're going to have a tiny little miniature version of either you or me following you around all day, annoying the hell out of you but you're going to love it."
"Jed, what about school? What about Harvard? I can't be in two places at once."
He smiled, pulling back to look at her.
"I told you. Once I graduate, we're going back home, you're going to Harvard, and I'll think of a way to take care of the baby. By then, they'll likely be in school anyway, so you won't have to worry too much. Try not to panic, okay? We'll figure something out and you know your parents will want to babysit their first grandchild as much as they possibly can. They're going to spoil our baby so badly that they probably won't ever want to come home."
Abbey nodded, feeling slightly less anxious now, and when she laid her head on his shoulder, he ran his fingers through her hair, smiling when he felt the shaking in her body begin to subside.
"We'll figure this out, just like we've figured everything else out. For now, why don't you just try doing something to help you relax and I'll get started on dinner. What do you think you can handle eating at the moment?"
Thinking for a moment, she finally smiled, her voice warm as she spoke.
"Soup seems like a safe option for now. And even you can't manage to mess up soup."
"I would resent that remark if I hadn't told your mother that very thing a few months ago," Jed muttered, "Fair enough. Soup it is."
He kissed her gently, giving her a reassuring smile as he stood up from his position on the floor.
"I love you."
"I love you, too," she said softly, "so much that it's ridiculous."
Jed laughed, nodding as he made his way to the door.
"Right back at you, babe."
A/N: For the record, I had no intention of killing Neil when I began writing this chapter.