Marinette sighed when she reached her bedroom at long last. While she appreciated the hugs and kisses from her parents when she got home, they only exhausted her more. She collapsed into her Ches lounge, too tired to climb up to her bed.
She reflected on the day and she wondered what would happen if Chloe revealed her identity. Would it really be such a bad thing? Maybe, Hawkmoth would reveal himself to her and they could get this whole thing over with faster. She let out a chuckle at the thought, as if that would ever happen.
"I know you're tired, but we need to talk about what happened." Tikki's voice rang a few inches from Marinette's face. Marinette turned to face her kwami, already aware of the lecture she had coming. "You have put yourself and Chloe in grave danger by revealing your identity."
"I know." Marinette said. Her voice was plain, if not a little bitter. She knew she had made a dumb decision. She even knew that Chloe had more to hold over her head than ever before. "Look, tikki I know that this is bad, but Hawkmoth doesn't know that Chloe knows. The likelihood that he would go to her for any news about me is slim. If there is anyone who knows how to avoid situations she doesn't want to be in, it's Chloe."
"I suppose, but you should have told Master Fu." Tikki said. Marinette closed her eyes and she felt tears welling in them for the first time when thinking about the whole situation.
"How could I? I can't stand the thought of disappointing him…of disappointing everyone! I know I messed up, but there's nothing we can do about it now. Look! I haven't gotten any texts from Alya, and theres nothing in the news about Ladybug's secret identity. She hasn't told anyone yet, and I have faith that she won't! I don't know why, but I just need you to trust me. Can you do that, Tikki?" Marinette said her voice hiccuping on Tikki's name. Hot tears were streaming down her face.
Tikki considered her words for a moment before hovering over and hugging her holder's cheek. "Of course I trust you, Marinette." She said and Marinette's whole body sagged in relief. She let herself cry until the tears naturally stopped and eventually she felt her eyelids beginning to droop uncontrollably.
"Tikki…wake me up at 10, so I can see…Chat..Noir…" She yawned.
Before she knew it she could hear Tikki calling for her to wake up. She opened her eyes to her dark room. She stretched her whole body before sighing and sitting up. She didn't really want to leave her room but she knew she needed to see Chat Noir.
"Alright Tikki, Spots On." She whispered and climbed up and out of her room.
Ladybug was zipping around the streets of Paris hoping that no one would be akumatized tonight. Paris was busier than usual, probably due to the akuma attack earlier. The streets were filled with the chatter and laughter of friends and couples.
When ladybug reached the top of the museum roof she paused for a moment to bask in the warm glow of the street light down below. She smiled as she saw people pass excitedly talking about where they were going, who they were meeting, and the food they had enjoyed. You would never guess that earlier that day they had faced a great threat. This is why she kept the miraculous. They would never stop smiling, not under her watch.
She heard the ring of metal behind her and knew that Chat Noir had arrived. He approached and took up the space next to her looking out at Paris. She wondered if he felt the same way she did about her duty.
"It's beautiful tonight." Chat Noir broke the silence.
"It is." Ladybug smiled. She turned to look at Chat Noir. He was frowning. "Why are you always so sad Kitty?" Ladybug said reaching out to stroke his cheek. He leaned into her touch and turned his big green eyes to meet hers.
"I keep letting you down M'Lady…" Chat Noir said. Ladybug rolled her eyes and chuckled. "No! I'm serious! What happened today was bad, and I said such horrible things to you, and the worst part is, it's not the first time!" He pulled away and put his hands on the ledge in front of them.
Ladybug thought carefully about how to respond. It was true, this wasn't the first time any of this happened, and she knew deep down that he had meant at least some of what he said while akumatized.
"Kitty." Ladybug said. He continued to stare into the distance. "I couldn't do any of this without you. We are a team, and even though I don't show it all the time. I really do appreciate you. What's happened isn't your fault, it could just as well happen to me. I think you're just a little unlucky when it comes to getting akumatized." She smiled at him. He chuckled and she saw him relax a little. Her face slowly fell into a frown and she turned away from him. "And…I'm sorry that I keep…rejecting your feelings." She said. She held her breath as she waited for him to respond.
He hung his head for a moment and then looked at her. When she turned to meet his gaze the intensity in his eyes caught her off guard. She took half a step back.
"You know what it really is?" He said, stepping towards her. "I think I'm just confused." He said taking her hand and studying her fingers. She resisted the urge to pull away from him. He had held her hand like this so many times before, why did it feel different now?
"Confused about what?" She said her voice came out lower and softer than she had intended.
"I love you. I've said it a million times, and it's still true, but…" He sighed and leaned his forehead against hers. Ladybug's heart beat quickened at how close he was, how intimate of a space they now shared. It's not like she never had moments where Chat Noir had managed to make her heart flutter, but this time felt significant. The air felt thick and hot around them even though the night air was cool.
"But?" She whispered. Chat Noir pulled his head away from hers and stared deeply into her eyes.
"But- but I don't know. Do you think it's possible to be in love with two people at once?" He said, and Ladybug felt her stomach drop. Chat Noir…was in love with someone else? "I'm not sure how I feel yet, but I feel lost." He said.
Ladybug was frozen trying to process everything he had just said. Chat Noir was falling in love with another girl. She could finally be free of all his flirting and needless declarations. She should be happy. So, why did she feel like she was going to vomit? Chat Noir reached out and touched her pigtail which snapped her back to reality.
She jolted away and pulled her hands out of his suddenly. "Th-thats great Chat Noir! I mean- not that you're confused, but that you lo-like someone else. She must be amazing to have earned your attention. HA-ha…" She said trying to convince herself of the words she was saying.
"She is… but she deserves someone who's sure about his feelings don't you think?" He asked her and she felt a pang in her chest at the dreamy look he got in his eyes when he thought of her.
"Well… are you dating her?" She asked. Her voice caught on every word.
"Oh no! Well maybe? I guess not officially yet." He said scratching the back of his head and looking at the floor.
"Then I think you have time to figure out what you want. I know you love me, but maybe that's just because we're partners and we're so close. I love you too, but you know that's not in the same way." She said, not even sure if she was making sense.
"I guess I just need some time to figure out if what I feel for you is different from what I feel for her. I feel deeply about the both of you, but maybe you're right. There must be some differences I'm missing between romantic love and friendly love." Chat Noir contemplated. He sighed and looked much more relaxed now. "Thank you, Ladybug! I promise I'll be a better partner from now on, and don't worry I won't make you uncomfortable." He assured her. She smiled awkwardly and nodded.
"Well uh, now that you feel better, I have to go." She said reaching for her yo-yo.
"Goodnight, M'Lady. I can always count on you." He said. His eyes sparkled as he looked at her. All she could do was smile and wave before zipping away.
What a weird feeling. She wasn't sure what it was but it felt like a mix between anger and an intense itchiness down to her bones. She only ever felt this way when…when- oh no. When the realization struck her she missed her next yoyo toss and smacked into the roof of a building.
Ladybug groaned but the pain didn't stop the shock that was still spreading through her body. She was jealous. Chat Noir had someone else, and she was jealous. She only ever felt that way when she saw Adrian with another girl.
"What?! This makes no sense!" She said and heard a loud shoosh from someone.
"Whoever you are, we are trying to sleep! Go rob someone else and do it more quietly!" A man yelled from below. Ladybug heard the slam of a window. She giggled, but zipped off in embarrassment.
She couldn't be in love with Chat Noir because she was in love with Adrian. Right? She then understood the predicament that Chat Noir was in. It wasn't fair for her to suddenly have feelings for Chat Noir when she had constantly been rejecting him, and it wasn't fair to Adrien either because they had just begun to explore their feelings for each other.
"Let me not ruin a good thing. I probably just got a little flustered because of the night air and the way Chat Noir was touching and talking to me. Anyone would have felt some bubbling feelings under those circumstances. I mean, come on! Two people alone at night, talking about their feelings with the soft glow of street lights around them? Who wouldn't feel something?" She said to herself nervously as she paced her balcony now de-transformed.
She stopped at slammed her hands down on her balcony edge. She stared at the bright moon up above and her thoughts went calm. "Maybe this is what chat Noir meant when he said he was confused too…loving two people…I didn't know it would be this complicated, or that it was possible." she said out loud.
"You're in love with Chat Noir?" Tikki asked in a worried tone.
"I know I love him, but in love with him..? I don't-I don't know…" She paused and gathered her thoughts. "I can't love him, so that's that." She said resolutely. She had never questioned her feelings like this before, so surely if she just ignored them they wouldn't cause any further issue.
"Good…" Tikki said, unsure of her master's ability to keep her emotions in check.
"Well, I'm suddenly very tired again." Marinette yawned. "Let's go to bed, for real this time." She said nodding her head to Tikki and smiling.