Chapter 12: A Second Chance?
Hello everyone,
First, I would like to say thank you for supporting this story. I wanted to let yall know (in case you didn't) that I am rewriting this story due to several reasons.
IMPORTANT
*What you need to know is that I have posted the first chapter of the rewrite of the story "Above the Heavens and Earth, a Naruto fanfic". I'm going to leave the old version up until I've eclipsed it. Ignore rest unless you want to get insight into my thoughts.*
A.) Inconsistent characters
Naruto's and Sasuke's characters flip flop some much. The parallel between these two was poorly established and their relationship isn't well written nor explained. Kiyomi Uchiha is a bad character; she does absolutely nothing and only serves as a plot device.
B.) Crap/Fast Pacing
Rereading this story, especially from chapters 5-8, the pacing is astronomically fast. When revising, I thought it was fast but not extremely fast but oh boy was I mistaken. Certain events happen to quickly, i.e. Naruto's accension, Sasuke's Sharingan, Kakashi's 'death', Team 7's mission to the Land of Grass, and the fight with Yagura. I've pulled a Gege Akatumi where I prioritized cool fights (which are needed) and power scaling but have neglected the depth of characters. There has been some worldbuilding, especially in Kirigakure but outside of that nothing. The Konoha Council inclusion hasn't been needed and I've gone so fast that certain plot points feel flat once we reach them.
C.) Plot or lack of one
So, there hasn't been a plot in this story. There have been self-contained character stories, but it took 8 chapters, well over 70k words, to get to any semblance of a story. That's inexcusable. Again, due to the rushed pacing, certain plot points are going to fall flat. For example, Kakashi is still alive. I alluded to this in Chapter 8 when Madara places his hand of Kakashi, but this is so miniscule that probably everyone missed it. It's not the readers' fault but my fault. Also, the Itachi, Madara, and Uchiha Massacre plot point is actually the only interesting thread going on. Naruto's plot points are so vague, and character-driven (but again his character motivations are not established) that they seem to be non-existent. I know what's going to happen to him, but you (the reader) have no clue.
D.) Character development/training
I did this thing where I thought it be cool to hide Naruto's powers from the readers and the characters in the story. However, upon further examination this was a stupid idea because it seems like Naruto randomly gains abilities/powers whenever the plot needs him to. This goes back to pacing where I rushed to get Naruto to become the 'Honored One' without having the proper build up. That's why the moment falls flat on its face. Characters don't train nor is any training seen besides Naruto in chapter 1 and Sasuke in chapter 2.
E.) Mystery and Foreshadowing
So, there are a lot of hidden things in this story that foreshadow or allude to future plot points. The issue is I've done the two extremes, where I am extremely vague about what's happening next or basically throw the answer right into your mouth. This is stupid; I don't want to insult anyone's intelligence, nor do I want this mystery to be solved so easily. The Hanzo stuff from chapter 9 was alright but still vague for no reason.
Moving on, where we've gotten in the story is what I envisioned to happened but the methods in which I did were lacking. I'm not going to get rid of everything as there are some genuine good and well executed moments in this story. Everything up to chapter 8 is far game.
This story isn't poorly written, it's poorly structured and paced. I think yall have enjoyed the fight scenes but the story behind it is completely non-existent. It's hanging by a rope.