Chapter 10
Christmas came, and went….Emily had a fun time, as she went about her business, doing her usual, seeing her usual, and going about her days, as time passed by. Emily sat, one day, as she glanced out of the window in boredom….and extraneous, insurmountable nuanced pensiveness. She just looked outside at the sun that shone. Over time, she became bored….she became even more misanthropic, and it became somewhat depressing.
Mandark brought over a morning glass of Oat Milk, setting it down beside Emily. "Is the mundane becoming too overstated?". Mandark asked, kindly with gentle soothingness. Emily nodded in boredom, as she just stared out of the window…..sighing a deep, depressed sigh.
"I wouldn't become too cynical, or delegated with existential agitation…..this morning, we have an appointment with Ire Sinctum Baboon". "Better known as….I.R. Baboon". Mandark said, kindly with soothing gentleness. Emily nodded, as she laid her head down.
"What does he do, exactly?". Emily asked, in somewhat of a bored manner as she looked upwards at Mandark. Mandark rubbed Emily's back, kindly. "He's a grief counselor who specializes in International Adoptions". "He's helped many people…and he can help us as well…we just need to seek him out". Mandark said, kindly in a gentle, loving, and soothing voice. Mandark bent down, kissing Emily's cheeks lovingly.
Emily nodded, as she readied herself for the appointment. She put on her dress, had a maid braid her hair, and headed out with her older brother.
I.R. Baboon's office was small in its accordance….it was a tiny space decorated with teddy bears, a baby lamp, and a little music box that played music when the situation demanded it. He sat at his desk, arranging papers, drinking some coffee, and being calm…undeniably calm, cool, and collected. He sat at his desk, arranging some things, as he saw Emily and Mandark come in. Over his long nose, and hairy face, he smiled a friendly smile.
"Good morning, everyone". "Good to see everyone today….please now, come in…come, come". I.R. said, kindly in an incredibly soothing, gentle, softened and kind voice. He smiled, as he set out some beanbag chairs for them.
"Hello, Dr. Baboon". "It's good to meet you, my name is Dr. Ivan Mandark Astromonov". Mandark greeted, shaking I.R.'s hand.
"Well, it's good to meet you, Mandark". "I am curious, though….you mentioned "Doctor" in your name". "What did you receive your doctorate in?". I.R. asked.
"Biochemical engineering, and theoretical physics". Mandark replied. "I have two doctorates in those desired subjects, and I hope to attain another one in String Theory". "I've worked exceptionally hard acquiring those degrees, and somehow, those subjects fascinate me". Mandark chuckled a bit.
"I have my doctorate in developmental pediatrics, and psychology….I've been specializing in Grief Counseling for 13 years now…..and it is nice having my own office, with my own practice". "Children on the Autism spectrum who have been adopted internationally and endured the trauma of losing a birth parent, come to me all of the time". "It's rewarding to see how many children come in feeling lost, misguided, abused in thought, or struggling with mental illness, but then, come out feeling happier, more confident in themselves, and feeling like they have a purpose…..and that they can fulfill their purpose". "I may seem like I'm a bit goofy from time to time, but I honestly do have a purpose in helping children adopted internationally". "I have a calling to help any child find their way". I.R. said, kindly.
Mandark nodded. "That is a nice calling, indeed". Mandark said. "I've had a calling to adopt Emily from the beginning, and it has always been my honor to take her in". Mandark kissed Emily's cheeks upon saying this.
Emily laughed and smiled. "Well, how are you, Emily, honey?". "It's good to see you this morning….how have you been feeling?". I.R. asked, kindly with soothing gentleness. Emily nodded. "I feel ok". Emily replied. Emily took some cocoa with honey, and cream.
"That's wonderful, honey". "Well, for the next few weeks, you can just think of me as your best friend…..someone who feels so rewarded in being beside you, and helping you…..and all of your secrets, can be mine…..and mine can be yours". "We share everything, you and I…we have one another…my best friend…..and my knightess in shining armor". I.R. said, gently with soothing kindness. I.R. smiled a kind, soothing, and gentle smile as he held Emily's hands. "So, Emily….how have things been?". "What are some things you feel as you go about your day?". I.R. asked, kindly with gentle soothingness. He straightened his tie. Emily looked off to the side. "um…..I don't know….I kind of feel happy most days….I always feel happy…..because I'm with my big brother, Mandark….and he makes me feel better when I feel sad about losing my mom and dad". Emily said.
"And I guess….I kind of feel sad sometimes….but that's not too often". "I feel ok now…..and I guess, I'm not….I'm not sad a lot…..I'm actually happy most days….because if there's something wrong, my big brother makes it all better". Emily said. I.R. nodded a gentle nod. "Your big brother makes it all better?". I.R. asked in a soothing, gentle, kind, softened voice. Emily nodded. "He does". She replied.
"How does he make it all better for you?". "Does he hug you and kiss you?". I.R. asked, soothingly with gentle softness. Emily nodded. "He holds me at night….and he gives me kisses, and hugs when I feel sad". "He does a lot of that…kissing and hugging". Emily said. I.R. nodded, gently. "Does he tell you he loves you?". I.R. asked, kindly in a soothing manner. Emily nodded.
"He sounds like a nice, doting, older brother". "Mandark can be a nice person…he loves you very much". I.R. said, gently with kind soothingness. "Are you happy to be living with him….in his house…..while he takes care of you?". I.R. asked, kindly. Emily nodded. "I'm really happy". Emily replied.
"Is it sometimes easy to share things with Mandark?". "Because he is a nice person to talk to?". I.R. asked, gently with kind soothingness. Emily nodded. "It's really nice to tell him things….because, he always listens to me". Emily said. I.R. nodded a gentle nod. "It's good to have someone who listens…..listening can also benefit the listener…I've heard that from somewhere….Ptahhotep, maybe". I.R. said, kindly with soothing gentleness. He and Emily laughed.
"So….in essence, Mandark is a good person to call family". "That's always good to see". "We all want someone we can call family….no matter who they are, or how they come". I.R. said, gently with kindness. Emily put her small hands on I.R.'s face. "Your face is hairy". Emily said, as she laughed. I.R. smiled a gentle, loving smile. "Yes, my face is quite hairy now". "I need to shave sometime". I.R. said, kindly with gentleness. "Well, you know if there's anything you need…you can always talk to me…..I love you, madly, and I'm always beside you, darling". I.R. said, gently with soothing kindness. "You're like my big brother too…because you're so nice". Emily said, as she giggled. "I'm like your big brother?". "That is very nice….you're like my baby sister….that to which, I've always wanted…..and I'm thrilled to be someone you look to for counsel". I.R. said, kindly with soothing gentleness. I.R. smiled, as he filled out some paperwork.
"You might be looking for a hug, coochie". "Can I give you a hug?". I.R. asked, kindly in a soothing, gentle voice. Emily nodded, as she and I.R. laughed, and I.R. Baboon tickled her. "Tickle, tickle, tickle!". "Tickle, tickle, tickle!". "I'm coming to get you, coochie". I.R. said, gently with soothing kindness. He and Emily laughed.
"You're getting so giggly today, honey". "You might have drunk a big glass of laughing juice, it seems". "The juice makes you feel so loose, coochie coo". I.R. said, playfully in a gentle, soothing manner. He and Emily laughed for a while…until Mandark came, joined in the tickling, and a group hug, then, discussed Emily's treatment plan. It was an efficient day.
Visits with I.R. were efficiently handled with grace, kindness, nourishment, and soothingness. Though, one day….after the tickles, and kidding around….beyond the silliness, and the goofing off, Emily visited I.R. Baboon, as he folded papers in his office.
"There you are, honey". "I thought I might find you here…..and here you are….in front of me". "What a blessed thing". I.R. Baboon said, kindly with softened soothingness. Emily nodded.
"Welcome, honey". "It's a good thing to see you again…you look beautiful, as always". I.R. said, gently with soothing kindness. "Thank you". Emily replied, as she was in her pajamas, looking around with some pensiveness. "I was thinking and hoping…wishing today that we could take a deeper look into the past". "Into what makes us so unique, and special". "Because there is so much I see that makes us unique and special as people". "It's something us beings are acclimated to, and it's something that makes us gifted as people". "When we explore our past a bit, we dive deeper into the feelings that are unique to us…..and the essences that make us human". I.R. Baboon said in a soothing, gentle, loving, and kind voice.
"I wanted to talk about your adoption from Ukraine…..what kind of process it was…..and what it took to come back from it". I.R. said, soothingly with gentle, softened kindness. "Ok". Emily replied.
"So, you were born in 1992….on May 2nd…..and that was a unique, special, and amazing time for your birth mother…..because she received something truly beautiful, lovely, wonderful, and extraordinary…she received you as a gift…..you were her gift…and when she looked into your eyes, when she held you for the first time…..she felt truly special…..she felt truly blessed….because she received a gift she had waited her whole life to receive…..she received something she had been looking for, for years". "She received you…..and when she let you drink some milk from her breasts, when she kissed you on your tiny head, she knew in that moment that she had received something special". "She knew she had gotten something worth trying for". "You and your birth mom…had the strongest bond anyone could have". I.R. whispered in a gentle, kind, loving and soothing voice. Emily nodded.
I.R. smiled a kind, gentle smile. "When your birth mom passed from cancer, it was an enormous tragedy….because you were left without your birth mom….without that source of nourishment, lullaby, milk, touch, kisses, and love….the strongest bond you had ever had….was now lost because….birth mom was no longer physically present". I.R. whispered in a softened, soothing, gentle, kind, and loving voice. Emily nodded. "No more kisses, no more hugs, no more milk, and no more stimulation….the bond was lost into time". "You were truly alone after that….and after entering into the orphanage". I.R. whispered, gently with soothingness. Emily nodded.
"How does that make you feel….losing birth mom?". I.R. whispered, kindly with soothing gentleness. Emily looked away for a moment. She sighed a deep, depressed sigh. I.R. held Emily's hands, kindly. "I kind of feel sad because…..I loved my birth mom". "My birth mom meant so much to me". "I kind of feel like…..I could've been normal if she was here". Emily said. "I wouldn't have had Autism, I wouldn't have had a learning disability, I wouldn't have had anything…..I wouldn't have gone to a special needs preschool, I guess….I wouldn't have had special needs like I have…..I know I kind of….I like the way things turned out….but….I kind of…I just would be ok if my birth mom didn't pass away of cancer". Emily said, as she sniffled.
"Things would be different, hmm?". I.R. said, in a gentle, soothing, and kind whisper. "Does your past…does what happened make you feel insecure about yourself?". "Do you feel like you're different from everybody else?". "Sometimes, our friends who have traveled across the world to find home with scars on their hearts feel different". I.R. whispered, kindly with soothing gentleness. Emily nodded. "Sometimes, I feel different". "My friends don't see my disability….they don't know that I have special needs….my friend, Ivanov…from Russia, he is more special needs than I am….but that's only because….he suffered a lot worse in Russia". Emily said, as she sighed.
I.R. nodded a gentle nod. "Your friend, Ivanov, he has experienced war, terrorism, he has experienced neglect in the orphanage, he has experienced a lot…..and he is a survivor….he truly is an amazing person….who has just experienced more than a baby should….but that's only because of where he came from". "Russia is a dangerous place…..and you both have experienced quite a bit…..passings of birth mothers, time in the orphanage, poverty….developmental delay at the beginning…..you both have experienced so much….and like your friend, Ivanov, you are heroic, and have made sacrifices for others that make people admire you both…..what you both possess is something extraordinary". "It's shared between the both of you…..and both of you have an extraordinary gift of making others feel safe, secure, welcome, and aligned with everything". "You and Ivanov…..though, you both have different intellectual, and developmental levels, are the same, and have experienced a few of the same things". "It doesn't make you both feel different…..it makes you both feel honored to be in such good graces". I.R. said, kindly with soothing gentleness. Emily nodded.
"Yeah, I guess that's true….but….I'm scared of what other kids think". Emily said. I.R. brushed Emily's cheeks, soothingly. "Why are you scared of what other people think?". I.R. asked soothingly with gentle softness. "I'm scared because…..other kids will know I have special needs, and they know I'm friends with Ivanov…and they'll be mean". Emily said. "I don't want to have special needs…..I don't want a learning disability". "I want to be like other kids". "I want to be smart…..like scientist smart….like my big brother, Mandark". "I want to be smart like him". Emily said, as she sighed another depressed sigh.
"And I was born normal….that's what makes me really sad, and scared". Emily said. "Ivanov was born normal, too".
I.R. nodded. "Do the other kids make fun of you and Ivanov…..because, maybe you have an aide who helps the both of you…..because you need some extra time on tests, and quizzes….because you need monthly assessments?". I.R. asked in a gentle, loving, and soothing manner. "No, they don't". "Everybody is really nice to me…..and everybody likes me and Ivanov". "I guess…in a way, they heard my story….and his story, and they're really proud". Emily said. "But I just don't want anybody to be mean".
I.R. nodded a kind nod. "Nobody is being mean to you, coochie". "People…heroes like you and Ivanov….you both are liked by everyone…..everyone loves the both of you….you both are talented, smart, strong, resilient, gentle, wise, responsible, you both have done so much….and honestly, the both of you can do anything with some help". I.R. whispered, gently with soothingness. I.R. leaned in…brushing Emily's face and cheeks. "I know the past….I know infancy in another part of the world…..a place we should call home….is rough…..and I know somehow, acquiring problems, and setbacks is traumatic…..I know it was hard….back then….you've encountered a lot…and honestly, when regarding your story, personally, from Ukraine's point of view, there's no antagonist". "There's no bad guy, or mean person….no one is at fault". "Poverty is the enemy, truly". "Not having access to resources can be detrimental to one's development….and rise". "It's a difficult time….and I know at the root of it all, you needed birth mom at the beginning". "The moments you were crying….you were crying for birth mom….you were crying for nourishment, care, and stimulation". "You were crying because you simply didn't get enough". "And at the root, cancer is a horrible thing". "You might not acquire it….because you are healthy, and have the resources….but birth mom did…..birth mom….that's….she got cancer". I.R. whispered, gently with kind soothingness. He brushed Emily's cheeks. "I know". Emily replied.
"It's a hard time…it is…..and now, is the time to reflect". "It's time to reflect on what happened at the beginning…..survivals of poverty, loss, and developmental delay". "We see this….and we see a window into our past…a window into what we once had….and what we lost along the way". I.R. whispered, kindly with soothing gentleness and softness. "But it can also be a window into the future…..a window into what we've gained, and what we've acquired". "You have beautiful parents, Lilac and Wendell, who are watching from a different place….you have a beautiful family who are your best friends….fill-in family, you had therapy, you had nourishment, you have classmates, and friends who love you….you have a beautiful life…you have so much…..and there's nothing to intercede it…you are loved, my knightess in shining armor". "You are appreciated….you are a survivor, and a heroine, an artist, and a creator". "What you possess, is truly divine". I.R. Baboon said, in an incredibly soothing, gentle, softened, kind, loving, and nourishing voice. He kissed both of Emily's cheeks, as his hairy face met her cheeks. His breath smelled of cigarettes, and nasal spray he oftentimes got high off of.
"Thank you". Emily replied, as she sighed a bit…..a deepened, depressed, pensive, melancholic sigh. She stared out of the window at the pinkish orange sky while some thunder rumbled nearby. It was a Florida storm coming in the morning. Bits of lightning were seen as well.
"I'm ok….truly, I am". Emily said, as she sighed pensively. I.R. Baboon smiled a kind smile, brushing both of Emily's cheeks. "You'll be ok…picture birth mom….holding you in her arms…caressing you, gently". "She's beside you, always". "Who she loves will always be you….and when you dream of her, she's thinking of you as well". "She is proud of you….of all your accomplishments…and she loves you, dearly". "She is always thinking of you….always". I.R. whispered, soothingly with gentle, softened, kind, loving whispers. I.R. smiled, as he kissed Emily's cheeks, sensibly and tenderly. Emily nodded, as she felt the kisses. "I know she is….and as long as she's proud, I am ok". Emily said. She and I.R. shared a hug, talking some more as Mandark came inside. He had been there the whole time…and he was listening…with tears in his eyes. He wiped them away.
"I'm so happy you are talking to your birth mom". "She means a lot to you…..and she means a lot to me as well". "Something was mailed to us today…that came from Ukraine". Mandark said, kindly with soothing gentleness.
Emily looked, as she saw a teddy bear….a baby white bear, that was electronic. It was a stuffed bunny. "Ok….so…". Emily said. "Press her paw". Mandark prompted kindly with a gentle soothing softness. Emily did so….hearing a familiar, "thump, thump". "Thump, thump". "Thump, thump". Emily heard the thumping, as she deduced what it was. "A heartbeat". She said.
"Your birth mother's heartbeat". "Taken when she was in bed, holding you…..this stuffed animal recorded her heartbeat, and it was found when the home was cleaned out". "This was one of your earliest memories….was her heartbeat". "She found her way back to you". Mandark said, softly with soothingness. Emily looked as she pressed the paw again, hearing the heartbeat. "Maat". "Mama". Emily said, with tears in her eyes as she held the white, stuffed bunny close. Mandark comforted her, as he had tears in his eyes as well. "Birth mom came back….and is still thinking of you after all these years". Mandark said, gently with kind soothingness. Emily nodded, as she was picked up by Mandark, and held in his arms. They both bonded…..all while I.R. Baboon smiled a gentle smile.
When the session ended, I.R. spoke to Mandark. "She is very fortunate that we talked….she and I". "She will really benefit from this relic found in her home from infancy". "She is someone who truly deserves the best". I.R. said, kindly with a soothing, softened whisper. "She does deserve the best…..and it's what I've culminated to give her". Mandark whispered, as Emily played with her stuffed white bunny. The stuffed animal that had black beads for eyes.
"So, where is she now in terms of addressing her trauma?". Mandark asked, in a whisper. "Right now….I've employed a form of adaptive grieving for her when addressing the story related to her birth mother". I.R. whispered, as he spoke with Mandark. "She needs time to grieve now…..she needs time to heal from the wound, as much as possible". "She knows the importance of her birth mom…and now, she needs time to heal, grieve, and be attuned to her emotions….and recognize the scars of her past". "She needs time to heal from the scars…..let's allow her….for a few weeks, to a few months…to grieve". I.R. whispered, gently as he watched Emily play with her toy. She listened to the heartbeat belonging to her birth mom.
"That can be arranged". "She and I….we'll go home, I'll prepare a comforting, hot meal, then we'll snuggle in bed for a while". "She needs some time to heal as she sees fit". "She is a beautiful, darling girl…..she's my favorite person….I've ever known". Mandark whispered, as he gazed at Emily….he just gazed at her while she played with her toys.
"Darling….". Mandark said, in a soothing, softened, gentle, kind, loving voice. Mandark's face was only inches away from Emily now. "Yes?". Emily asked, as she looked upwards from her toy.
"It's time to go now, honey". "Let's say goodbye to doctor Baboon…..are you ready?". Mandark asked, soothingly with softened kindness as he picked Emily up in his arms. "I am ready". Emily replied. Mandark smiled, as he kissed both of Emily's cheeks gently. "Goodbye, big bro". Emily said to I.R. as he nuzzled Emily. "Goodbye, honey". "Have a magnificent day, and I'll see you next week". I.R. said, gently with kind soothingness. Emily nodded.
Emily laid her head down on Mandark's chest as he kissed her cheeks again. "I love you". Mandark said, soothingly with kind softness. "I love you too". Emily said. Mandark placed Emily in the car, while she rested for a while. She just rested…..for the longest time, while Mandark drove the both of them home. They got home, as Emily enjoyed some clam chowder…and a sandwich….along with some Oat Milk. The bedsheets were turned down….as warmth protruded, and was emitted from the bedsheets. Still, Emily got in, got under, and fell asleep. She clutched her stuffed bunny, she breathed a relaxed breath….the toy's bead eyes staying close to the light…..Emily's birth mother's heartbeat thumping from the toy. Thump thump, thump thump.