A/N: I went to City Cave today - where you float in a pool in the dark filled with Epsom salts and magnesium - to help me sleep. It didn't help me sleep but now the words are pouring out of me even more. So, Bonus.
Thank you to everyone who leave reviews. I really am shit for not replying to them personally. I read them all, love every one, and then get all up myself.
Anyway, shutting up. I'm sleep deprived asf, so god only knows how this will read. Hope you like.
Footprints in the Sand
Chapter 35
By midsummer two things happen.
The first, I get offered a six-to-six shift at work. Six-to-six with an a.m. start to be more precise. With a minimum working day of twelve hours, of course, but I'm still in disbelief.
I applied late last year, not exactly optimistic about it. There are several nurses who've been here longer, and I haven't "paid my dues" in full quite just yet. So, when I got the acceptance email, I was initially convinced it was misdirected. I had to read and reread it several times before I let myself believe it. Impeccable attendance, it said. Always willing to trade shifts or do extras when required; always professional and hard-working; has a good rapport with patients.
There are already several put-out colleagues who've made my working environment awkward and tense. Not to mention having to acclimatize myself to predawn wakeups, but it means seeing Edward and Addie after work on Friday nights and weekends—eating dinner with the two of them after pulling a twelve-hour shift; playing with Moana and Maui with Addie in her room; and having Edward lull me to sleep with his body, hot and sultry beside me.
He insists I stay over every Friday and Saturday nights now, and on the weekend when Addie stays with her other grandparents, Edward stays at my apartment.
Addie calls them our "sleepovers" and has told everyone in her family, and several strangers on the street about them. She often insists I sleep in her bed with her. I usually humor her, knowing once she falls asleep Edward will come and get me. Not long ago, after a particularly grueling shift, I fell asleep with her little body against me and her thumb hanging loosely between her lips. Edward carried me to his bed not long after, but what I wasn't initially aware of is he took a photo of the two of us, and then set it as his phone's wallpaper. I came very close to tears when I first saw it. We were in Starbucks on one of our many coffee dates during my off-days. He pulled his phone from the inside of his suit jacket, switched it on, and there we both were.
That man.
He has a method of pulling me from my thoughts when I get lost in them. He doesn't snap his fingers in my face; instead, he reaches over and tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear, even if there isn't any. When I meet his eyes, he smiles tenderly, and continues on with our conversation without bringing the fact I was spacing out to my attention.
Addie's not as subtle; she grabs both my cheeks in her palms, angles my face to hers and asks me, loudly, what I'm thinking about.
I've reached the stage where the mere idea of losing them threatens me with full-blown anxiety. I try not to entertain those thoughts, though, and as Alice says "lightning doesn't strike the same place twice".
A few days after my new shift started, Edward had two dozen long-stemmed red roses delivered to the breakroom. His note read simply Congratulations, sweetheart, Edward in his ridiculously neat handwriting.
For some odd reason I expected to see a very harsh E.C as his signature, and my initial reaction was to laugh out loud. It earned me several dubious stares on top of the begrudging ones, and along with the side-eyes I've come to expect, I'm often interrogated by every member of staff over who the mysterious Edward is.
After a week of it, I concede and tell them his name's Edward Masen. It's technically true as Edward himself once confided in me.
I still don't know the reason, though.
The second thing that happens is Edward turns thirty-four.
I drag Alice along with me to pick out his present, and it immediately reminds me of the time the two of us shopped for Addie's fifth birthday present when I was still Bella-from-next-door-to-Grandma's-House—forwarding address withheld—and Edward was a possibly-gay asshole who hated me.
"Why are watches so expensive?" I grumble as we leave Nordstrom and cross 5th Avenue back to Westlake Center.
"Have you checked your laundry hamper?" Alice asks, typing away on her phone and barely looking up toward the oncoming traffic.
"I've checked everywhere. It's insane. My apartment literally ate it."
"Literally?" she echoes, flashing me a dubious glance.
"You know what I mean," I mumble with a sigh, and pulling my phone from my purse, I open a photo of Edward and Addie at her wedding. "Can you see what kind it is?" I venture, holding the screen in front of her face. It's the only clear photo I have of him where his watch is visible.
Taking it from me, Alice glances casually at it for no more than a second before handing it back. "It's either a Rolex, Cartier or Omega."
"How can you tell?" I ask, zooming into his hand futilely and seeing nothing but a blurred watch face and black leather band.
"Are you aware of who his parents are?" she reminds me behind a pointed brow. "It sure as hell wouldn't be a Casio."
"Fair point," I mutter. "Okay, what if I buy him one secondhand and have it engraved?" I suggest, more or less to myself.
"Would he flip out over you buying him something so expensive?" she puts to me.
"Probably," I admit. "The man is very particular."
"Okay, would you put a step on it, woman. I'm starving," Alice exclaims, grabbing my elbow and hurrying me along toward the entrance to the mall.
"Please don't call me woman," I complain. "It's bad enough when it's Edward."
"How could you bitch over that?" She thinks I'm overreacting, as usual. "I wish Jay called me 'woman'. It's sexy A.F."
"And yet you're calling me it."
Rolling her eyes, she groans in exaggeration. "Good to see you're just as neurotic as you usually are, Belly."
"And you're just as crazy, Alley," I reciprocate, wrapping my arm around her neck affectionately. "Where do you want to eat?"
"Caliburger?" she proposes.
"Sure."
We make our way to the level two hamburger takeout, order our food and then find a round table for two in the corner.
"So, how're you liking day shift?" Alice asks, biting into her BLT.
"Loving it, but seeing the sun rise every morning was very strange in the beginning," I reply, and it still shocks the hell out of me.
"I don't know how you worked afternoons for so long. It would have driven me insane," she adds.
"Well, we can't all be as lucky as you, Mary-Alice," I jibe her as she immediately whacks my hand in retribution.
"Anyway, I wanna hear about you and Edward. You're being all secretive lately," she responds to my quirked brow.
"We're fine," I say nonchalantly, raising a single shoulder.
We are, but there's still that elephant lurking in the room, and as if reading my mind, Alice instantly zooms in on it.
"Has he had that talk with you, yet?"
"No," I say quietly, munching on a fry. "I've asked him a couple of times and he sort of side-skirts it and changes the subject."
"Hmm..." she reflects on it. "I reckon he's gonna pop the question at Disney."
"After eight months?" I remind her, unconvinced.
She scoffs. "Jay and I were together for seven."
"You and Jay are an exception," I retort.
"Objectively false," she states insistently. "When you find the right one, time is irrelevant."
"It takes time to properly get to know someone," I counter.
She tsks this time and throws me an overly feigned scowl. "You are so sensible."
"Ouch," I play along, smirking.
"Anyway, I have news," she announces after several seconds of scrutinizing me.
"Oh?" I tilt my head and shove another fry into my mouth curiously.
Dumping her purse on her lap, she very meticulously unzips it and pulls out a white plastic stick.
My heart stalls. I know what it is even before she holds it up, revealing the word pregnant in the little window at its center.
My breath draws so sharply I almost choke. "Al!" I burst, covering my mouth with both my hands as tears spring to my eyes.
She only nods, her smile wide and becoming just as compromised.
"Oh my god," I utter, wiping my tears hastily as I jump to my feet and yank her into my arms.
"I know!" she cries, losing the plot right along with me.
We hug and kiss and draw the attention of everyone in the room, and of course, Alice being Alice, she holds out her pregnancy test in display as a whole bunch of strangers erupt into applause and congratulations.
"I thought you were going to wait," I say after we both take our seats again and I'm composed enough to speak.
"So did I, but last month, I told Jay I was due to have my implant replaced and he said 'how about you don't'—just like that. And I mean, I thought it'd take a bit longer than it did. Jay's very pleased with himself," she says proudly, chuckling.
"I'm sure he is. I'm really happy for you, Als," I say as tears once more threaten me.
"Why do you look sad?" she suddenly demands suspiciously.
"I'm not sad."
"You're sad," she decides. "What is it?"
"Um, you're going to have a baby and I'm crying from happiness," I deadpan, but my emotions betray me. "Gosh..."
"I know. I can still hardly believe it. I want a girl. I'm going to call her Isabella."
"Al! Stop it," I blurt as I'm hit by fresh tears, and using my napkin, I hastily dry my eyes. Alice has always loved my name, while I've always hated it. I never really thought it suited me. "What does Jay want?"
"I don't think he cares, but he said whatever we have, we have to have the opposite for our second one," she relays matter-of-factly.
"It doesn't always work out that way. Jess?" I say in emphasis.
"You are such a killjoy."
I laugh lightly. "Have you got a name picked out for a boy?"
"Hmm, I like the name Hudson."
"Hudson Whitlock. Isabella Whitlock..." I muse. "Okay they definitely sound good."
"They sound quite debonair, right?" she says, putting on a snooty accent. "But, it's a girl. I can feel it in my bones."
The thing about Alice's bones is they're only right half the time. I don't tell her that, though, because she was right about Jay the day she met him. She pointed him out one afternoon as we were coming back from our break and announced she was going to marry him. They were the hottest couple in Emergency not one week later.
She was right about Edward, too.
"I blame Addie, that little urchin," she adds with a rueful smile. "I've wanted to kidnap her ever since we took her shopping."
"Well, she is very good at stealing your heart," I say in agreement. "God I'm going to miss her when she starts school. She completely flipped out at kindergarten open day. She wanted me to come inside the classroom with her and Edward had to drag her off me."
"Well, you'll just have to have another one with him," she says as though it went completely without saying.
I scoff, only to expel a heavy breath a moment later. "I don't think Edward wants anymore children."
If I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm starting to suspect he's had a vasectomy. Birth control is the one thing he's completely cavalier about, and for a man like him and his past experiences, it's wholly out of character. If I wasn't such a wimp, I'd ask him, but the timing's never been right.
Are we even up to that point yet? Would it be too forward?
"How could he not?" she says, obviously thinking the very notion of it is ridiculous. "He produced that gorgeous kid with Medusa; imagine the ones he'd make with you."
Shrugging myself from it, I shake my head. "Come on, Al. Who talks babies with someone they've known for less than a year?"
"Me and Jay," she answers simply.
"You've known him for more than two."
"We talked babies and marriage way before the one-year mark. You are such a Victorian, Bella." She rolls her eyes and tosses a single fry at me.
"Victorian?" I echo, raising a questionable eyebrow.
Snorting, she swats me playfully in the arm and changes the topic. "Is it bad luck to announce it before twelve weeks?"
"It's not bad luck. It's just that the risk of miscarriage is the highest in the first three months. Who else have you told?"
"You and Jay. Not even our parents know. You'll be her godmother, right?"
"Since when have you been religious?"
"It's not religious...is it?" she asks ambiguously, and when I nod, she scoffs. "Okay, will you be her secular godmother?"
"Of course, I will."
"And you'll be my doula?"
"You're thinking about that already?" Why I'm surprised is anyone's guess, though. This is Alice we're talking about.
"Of course, I am. Though, do you need a doula if you get an epidural?" She tilts her head, shrugs a second time and finishes off her burger.
"There's no rules saying you can't. They're mostly used in natural births, though."
"Screw that," Alice says emphatically with a notable shudder. "I want the whole shebang of what modern medicine can offer. If mother nature wanted us to be tortured, she wouldn't have created opioids."
I almost choke on my vegie burger only to descend into laughter. "Al, you're such a nut."
Flashing me a cheeky grin, she takes a long sip of her coke, and is immediately distracted by her phone. Clicking it open she stares down at it for a good sixty seconds, her mouth falling agape, before she glances back up at me. "Bella—check your Facebook."
"Huh?" I say vacantly.
"Oh my god—quick!" she urges me.
Switching on my iPhone, I open my Facebook app and stare down at the post I've been tagged in without words.
I read it and reread it repeatedly before I can even begin to digest it. It's from Rosalie. A long diatribe of melodrama that immediately makes me cynical.
Dear friends and family,
I've reached the point of acceptance that I have a very serious problem that has the potential to destroy my life. I'm an alcoholic, and will be shortly admitting myself into rehab.
I would like to formally apologize to (she not only tagged me but Alice, Jay, Edward, his brother and parents and various other family members on both sides) for the reprehensible way I've acted which resulted in the loss of my career, the respect of not only the man I love but his family, and the total humiliation my actions caused at a dear friend's recent wedding. I drank too much, acted belligerently toward one of the bridesmaids, Bella, and assaulted her, and when confronted, I blamed it on Edward—Bella's partner and a man I have known and respected my entire life—incriminating him to his entire family.
I'm disgusted in my behavior. I barely know myself anymore, except that I need help. I can only hope my family and friends can forgive me as all I can offer in return is my heartfelt regret.
I will be leaving social media indefinitely, and I hope everyone can respect my privacy.
Sincerely,
Rose.
"Dear friend?" Alice snorts sarcastically. "Talk about piling it on."
"Where the hell did this come from!?" I exclaim, but I'm at a complete loss. Edward said she was fighting him over losing her partnership at his firm, so this seems completely out of left field. On the other hand, I'm glad Edward's name has finally been cleared, but I'm not even remotely convinced of her sincerity. "Hang on."
I call Edward; he answers immediately.
"I've seen it," he pre-empts me before I can utter a word. "It was a condition of the Concerns Notice. She had to publicly confess and apologize or I'd go forward with the defamation suit."
"Ah..." So, she wrote it under threat of liability. It definitely makes sense now. "Do you think she's sincere?"
"No," he answers without hesitation before elaborating. "I hope she is for my brother's sake, but no."
"Happy birthday, Edward!" Alice pipes up.
"Tell Alice I said thanks," he says with amusement clearly laced in his voice.
"I will, and I'm glad Rosalie's finally come to her senses." She clearly had no choice in the matter, though. "For a moment I thought I was in the Twilight Zone."
He chuckles breathily through the receiver. "Not this time. How's your lunch going?"
"Good, and I hope all your staff are spoiling you today," I reply. I met Valentina last month. I liked her immediately; though, she openly stared at me and Edward in complete shock that for too long it took me aback. All he did was kiss me in front of her, and it made me wonder exactly how closed off he's been since his wife died that people around him would react so strongly.
"They are," he says wryly. "Pick you up at six?"
"Sure." I come infinitely close to groaning. I still haven't bought him a gift.
"You okay?"
"I'm good." He won't let me say fine anymore, and it's become a default response in me to pre-emptively find synonyms before I even think of blurting it out.
"Alright, sweetheart—Addie's staying at my parent's tonight, by the way."
"Oh, she's not—"
"She's not going there again," he explains in sudden irritation. "I'm tired of their bullshit, and I don't want them filling her head with anymore lies."
"Well, Addie will be happy." As much as I am. She doesn't like staying at her mother's parent's house, and every time she goes, she has nightmares. I was beginning to hate her going as much as Edward.
"She is. I've already told her." There's an element of relief in his voice, before it lightens. "I heard you gave her a good workout this morning, too."
"It was all her. That child of yours ran a full mile today, and then made me play hopscotch with her afterward." I'm actually shocked by her endurance, but I know a lot of it is just adorable little Addie not wanting to let me down, no matter how many times I've told her it's okay to take a break if she needs it.
I really could eat her, she's so sweet.
"I have to hand it to you, Bella, the change in her has been incredible."
"We really need to work on your faith in me," I tease him as he breaks into husky laughter again and replies with only my name.
"Okay, baby, I've gotta run. I'm swamped today," he adds.
"All right, see you tonight, Daddy," I say coyly before he growls "woman" in return that lights a fire in my belly. "That man."
I give Alice a quick recap as she snickers and nods her head in approval. "I give you permission to marry him, Bells. He's definitely a cagey one."
"He is," I agree, and it's sexier than sin. "I guess I've been outed."
"Huh?" she asks blankly.
"Everyone at work's going to know I'm dating Carlisle's son now. I told them his name was Edward Masen."
"You've lost me," she states in confusion.
"Technically, he is. Though, he's never explained it," I clarify.
"Right... What are you guys doing for his birthday?" she enquires, casually swiping fries from my plate and dipping them into her small dish of ketchup.
"We're staying in, and I'm cooking him dinner."
"Well, that's boring."
From an outside perspective, I guess it would be. Mrs. Cullen inadvertently let it slip last week on why Edward isn't exactly fond of social situations. For every single occasion, his wife made them put on a show of pretenses for all their family and friends. So, if he wants to stay in, that's exactly what we're doing.
"It's what he wanted. Alice—what? Oh my god..."
She's replied to Rosalie's post, and several people, Edward and Jay included, have already liked it.
So you should be sorry, you lush! It was my wedding you ruined!
"Pregnancy hormones," is her defense with an undeterred shrug. "And admitting you're a drunk doesn't automatically absolve you of all past wrong doings."
"I can't argue there." Despite her lack of tact, Alice can be a definite voice of reason when she wants to be.
"You going to reply?"
"No. She's not worth my energy," I repeat my father's mantra. "Would you stop stealing my food!"
. . .
After lunch, we head back to Nordstrom and then to Watchfinder & Co., and I'm determined not to leave until I find a watch for Edward that reflects who he is and how I feel about him without it bankrupting me.
I eventually settle on an Omega with a square face and a brown leather band that costs just shy of seven hundred dollars. It's classic, and just imagining it on Edward's wrist is an immediate aphrodisiac. In truth, though, I'm worried about his reaction, whether it's too lavish a gift so soon, but I just can't reconcile losing something that's potentially priceless to him. Not to mention, is no doubt worth tens of thousands of dollars.
I have the back of it engraved with Happy Birthday. All my love, Bella, and then talk myself out of anxiety for the rest of the afternoon.
"Would you stop overreacting?" Alice says with an exasperated huff in my direction as we make our way back to her car. "He'll be touched, and if you think he's not, just give him a good BJ to take his mind off it."
"Why, thank you, Dr. Phil," I say in good humor.
. . .
I make Edward lasagna—it's his favorite meal—with a side dish of salad, and we eat it on his back patio, sitting on the sectional outdoor sofa, watching the sun set over Lake Washington. While I drink wine, he drinks beer. He likes Heineken, and it's strangely seductive watching him bring the bottle to his lips with his left hand, sans that very expensive watch of his.
I'm reminded again of the present I bought him, despite the fact I've been stalling on it all evening.
"What did Addie get you?" I hold out for a bit longer, and I suspect he's well aware of it.
"Socks," he answers, grinning to himself even as he takes a mouthful of beer.
"She's so adorable," I say, laughing.
"You're still coming next week?" he once again puts to me as his frown threatens to reappear.
He cancelled Addie's initial appointment to have her tested for ADHD. His reasoning was it didn't matter to him. I tactfully pointed out that it'd be better for her teacher to be aware of it if she does have it, and so he reluctantly rebooked. So far, he's asked me four times whether I'll accompany him.
"Of course, I am," I promise him, curving my hand around his thigh and leaning my head momentarily to his shoulder.
He smiles, takes another gulp of his beer and then gazes out over the lake to the scores of boats dotting on its surface. "Bella?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you," he says softly with a charming smile, and my insides instantly melt.
"Aww. I love you too, counselor."
It's only the second time he's proclaimed it to me. He's still so very careful with his heart, so to hear him say it, means that much more to me.
He breaks into a somewhat sheepish grin and then changes the subject. "Now tell me what's got you so fidgety?"
Damn it, this man is perceptive.
"Huh?" I attempt to play dumb.
"You know what I mean." He raises an emphatic brow, and there's just no fooling him.
Him and his daughter both.
"I..." My breath gushes inevitably from me. "I bought you a present."
"That's why?" he asks skeptically as an amused smile ghosts on his lips.
"I mean..." Shaking my head, I abandon it, and pulling myself to my feet, I head to his kitchen where I left my purse. When I return, it's with his gift in my hand, wrapped in blue and white striped paper. "Happy birthday."
I hold it out to him; he takes it, grabbing my hand as he does and pulling me back beside him. "Bella."
I watch him open it, nervously chewing on the inside of my bottom lip. When he removes the wrapping, he pauses before opening the small box slowly.
For the longest moment he doesn't speak. He only gazes down at the watch with the most unreadable expression encompassing his face. I think he's moved by it, but he also appears troubled.
"Don't ask me how much it cost," I blurt out anxiously. "I lost your—"
"Bella," he cuts me off, his voice notably softer before he takes it out of the box and turns it over; displaying my inscription.
"Do you like it?" I ask in a small voice when he remains silent, even as he carefully straps it to his wrist.
"I like it," he answers, and meeting my eyes, he wraps his arm around my neck, pulls me to him, and plants his lips to mine. "I like it more than the one you lost," he teases me gruffly against my earlobe.
Nudging him in response, I expel the air in my lungs discreetly in relief. Why I was so overwrought over it, I'm not quite sure. "It suits you."
"You didn't lose anything, baby," he attempts to reassure me. "I was the one who took it off."
"You had a concussion. I should have put it somewhere safe for you," I say, silently berating myself for the infinite time since that night just over two months ago.
Drawing a deliberate breath, he releases it into a conceding smile. "Bella."
"Hmm?" I murmur, my eyes catching the lights on the horizon.
"Look at me." When I do, he continues, "Whether you find it or not, this is the one I'm going to wear from now on."
A/N: I'm so glad that most of you picked up on Edward's disregard toward Bella's birth control. Not like him, right? Bella noticed, as well. Looks like I've established him well. Yay, me. In Chapter 36 what happened to make him so phobic will all come out. See you all then and thank you for reading.