A Bitter Pill to Swallow chapter 2
trigger warning mentions of serious mental health and suicide*
Tony and Angela jumped off the sofa and came running over to Samantha, wrapping their arms around their daughter. They led her over to the sofa and sat down on either side of her.
"What do you mean something is wrong with Jonathan? Is he sick? Is he hurt?" asked Tony, panic rising in his voice.
"I…I don't know Dad!" she said as she tried to get her crying under control.
"Does he have a fever? Was he in the hospital? Samantha what is going on?" shouted Angela.
"Look I went up there and it took forever for him to open the door. When he finally did, he looked like a hot mess! His clothes were all disheveled, he hadn't slept since yesterday but it was like he had ten cups of coffee. His room is a disgusting mess and his roommate moved out a month ago. And… he's lost weight… his clothes are practically hanging off of him! I asked him if he's doing drugs because what else could this be but he said no and got so angry. Angrier than I've ever seen him… he threw a mug against the wall and broke it. I just left him there… I didn't know what to do!" she shouted as she once again started to cry.
"Oh my god my baby! Drugs? I thought he knew better! Tony we have to go up there now!" shouted Angela as she burst into tears as well.
"Angela take a deep breath! Storming up there without a plan is only going to make the situation worse. Let's stop and think this through for a minute" said Mona.
"Mona's right Angela. We have to put together a plan. He's already on edge as it is. If this is drugs we are dealing with, he's going to be really defensive. Maybe his school has some resources on how to deal with addictions. I say we pack a bag and head up there tonight. We can see about getting a hotel room. I'll make some phone calls now" he said as he wiped Angela's tears from her face.
"Okay Tony. I'll go pack us a bag and be down soon. Mother, I'd like to leave as soon as possible so go pack a bag" she said as she left to go upstairs. Once she was upstairs, she stopped in front of Jonathan's room. Normally, she put his privacy first and foremost as she never wanted to be one of those snooping parents who invaded their kid's lives. However, this was not the time for keeping privacy so she opened up his bedroom door and went inside.
"Oh Jonathan…" she said as she wiped away tears that had fallen. So much of his room remained the same from his early childhood. It was like stepping back in time to when she first moved into the house with Michael and decorated the room while she was pregnant. There were obvious signs he was no longer that little boy- posters on the wall, a cd player in the corner, Harvard banners and other school papers on his desk.
She didn't know where to start or even what she would be looking for… would he be careless enough to leave drugs at the house? She had no idea but decided she needed to start in his drawers. She was halfway through his tall dresser drawer when she was interrupted by Tony.
"Angela? What are you doing? Are you going through his stuff?" asked Tony.
"What choice do I have Tony? If there's something in here that explains what's going on with him, I want to find it. Don't tell me you wouldn't do the same thing or worse if it was Samantha…" she said as she continued to ransack his drawers.
"You're right I'd do it… and I'd be wrong Angela. This is his stuff! We don't know for sure this is what's going on. If it turns out it's not this, we will have lost his trust in us completely. Look… if this is drugs and we know definitely it is what it is, I'll be the first to turn this room, his dorm room and any other place he's been to upside down, okay? For now, we just have to have faith and get to him as soon as we can…" he said as he wrapped his arms around her body.
"You're right Tony. It's just… I'm so scared! What if it's hard drugs? Do we send him to rehab? He's over 18 years old so it would have to be his choice but would he go if he's already in denial?" said Angela.
"Look… we need to cross all these bridges when we get to them okay? C'mon let's go pack. I made a reservation for us at a local hotel near campus" he said as he guided her out of his room.
The family gathered a short while later and packed into Tony's jeep. Tony drove while Angela sat in the front seat; Mona and Samantha sat in the backseat. Tony made great time, getting there in just over two hours. They opted to go straight for his dorm room before going to the hotel.
Tony and Angela headed up to the room first. Mona and Samantha hung back, a few steps behind.
"He's going to hate me Mona! He already thinks I called him a drug addict but I know something is wrong and that's the first thing that came to my mind! What… what if it's really bad and we can't help him…" she said as tears came to her eyes.
"Listen to me Samantha! If this is drugs, this is going to be totally uncharted territory for all of us and we are going to have to be there not only for Jonathan but for all of us. Something in my gut is telling me that's not what this is, which isn't a relief if my suspicions are right. We just have to wait and see what happens. No matter what, we are here for one another right?" asked Mona.
"Yes of course" she said. They caught up to Tony and Angela who were knocking intently on his door, no answer coming from inside. Finally, a resident assistant came from his room to see what was going on.
"Can I help you?" said the resident assistant.
"Yes. We are looking for our son Jonathan Bower. He was here this morning but he's not opening his door" said Angela with worry in her voice.
"Jonathan? I think he left a few hours ago with some of the guys on his floor. There's a few frat parties going on they probably went to if I had to guess. Is everything okay?" he asked.
"Yes everything is fine. Have you noticed any changes in Jonathan lately?" asked Tony.
"Well now that you mention it. He was really withdrawn once his roommate left. I didn't see him leave his room much. I think he may have even missed some classes. It was really nice to finally see him out and about yesterday and today. He was really full of energy, like he was full of life. I hope that helps…" he said.
"Yes, thank you" said Angela as the resident assistant walked away.
"Tony what do we do now? Do we wait for him to get back?" asked Angela.
"Let's go to the hotel and check in, maybe grab a quick bite for dinner and then come back. Maybe he will be back by then" said Tony.
"What if he's in trouble or something worse Tony! Should we go look for him?" pleaded Angela.
"I know you are worried about him Angela, so am I, but if we go searching campus for him and find him with his friends, it's going to be much worse. How would you feel if Mona came barging on campus… okay bad example…" said Tony with a slight chuckle.
"Dad, I'm not really that hungry. How about I stay here and you guys go check in and grab dinner. Maybe get me a snack or something from wherever you go. That way if he comes back, someone will be here" said Samantha.
"You hear that Angela? Sam will stay here while we head out alright? I think we should go now so we can get back" said Mona. Angela begrudgingly agreed and the three of them left. Samantha decided to check out the main area of the dorm to see if he might be there, which he wasn't. She walked around the campus, not going too far in case Jonathan returned. She came back about an hour later and just sat outside his door.
A few minutes later, she heard a loud banging followed by a crash and lots of laughter coming from the main area. She jumped up ran to the main area. About five or six college guys were standing around Jonathan, who was hysterically laughing. A large lamp that had been on the side table was broken on the floor and the table turned on its side. The guys all had concerned looks on their faces as Samantha came into the room.
"Jonathan! What are you doing? What are you… oh my gosh Jonathan! Your hand! It's bleeding!" she screamed as she ran over to him. His arm was covered in blood as the guys just stood around not knowing what to do. Samantha grabbed her sweater and wrapped it around his bleeding hand.
"Samantha! You missed it! I bet the guys I could lift this lamp over my head and I did it! Stupid thing slipped out of my hands though! We've had such a great night! I didn't think partying could be so much fun! It only took me a year of being here to realize it!" shouted Jonathan. His speech was rapid and very pressured again.
"Jonathan, this hand looks bad. We need to get you to the emergency room now! Can someone get me a towel?" she practically screamed at the other guys. One guy finally snapped out of it and ran to his room to get a towel.
"Jonathan sit down on the sofa. What were you thinking?" she asked as the guy came back with a towel. She switched her sweater for the towel and saw how bad the wound was and how close it was to his wrist.
"Jonathan we need to call an ambulance. This is really deep. Someone go call now!" she screamed.
"Relax Samantha! It's not that bad! It doesn't even hurt!" he said with a laugh. Samantha couldn't believe what was happening around her, fear taking over as she watched in horror Jonathan's reaction to the situation.
"What did he take? Did you guys give him something? Alcohol? Drugs? This is not my brother! He has to be on something for him not to be in pain right now!" she shouted.
"We promise we didn't give him anything! He didn't even drink at the party! He… he was like this when we met up this afternoon. I don't think he's slept since we came back early this morning…" said one of the guys.
"Go wait outside for the ambulance. Make sure they get in here quick because this is still bleeding. If you see three adults wandering outside or by Jonathan's dorm room, can you send them back here? It's our parents and grandmother. Please!" she pleaded to some of the guys. A few nodded their heads and took off running to the entrance to the dorm.
"Sam chill out! Everything is fine! I just need a bandaid or something and I'll be fine! You should come out with us! We were having so much fun! Come on let's go!"'he shouted as he tried to stand up to leave.
"You're not going anywhere until this is taken care of- I don't want you bleeding out! Did you sleep at all since I saw you this morning?" she asked as she kept him from getting up.
"This morning? I didn't see you this morning! That was last week! I think you're losing it Sam!" he said very quickly.
"Jonathan something is not right! I was here this morning… oh never mind! What is taking them so long?" she cried as the paramedics finally arrived, followed closely behind by Tony, Angela and Mona.
"Mom! Tony! Grandma! What are you doing here? Tony look I lifted this lamp up over my head! I'm really getting stronger! Grandma you should check out the frat scene! It's outrageous! Here c'mon let's go!" he shouted as he tried to get up again. Samantha and Tony held him back down as the paramedic came to his side to treat his wound.
"Jonathan you aren't going anywhere but the hospital to get this cut treated! It's really bad!" said Samantha. Angela just stood next to Jonathan with tears in her eyes, barely being able to recognize her son.
"This cut is pretty bad. You are going to need stitches as soon as possible. Let's get you out of here now" said the paramedic as he tried to get him up and on the stretcher.
"No! I'm not going anywhere but back to the party!" he shouted as he went to swing at the paramedic. Thankfully, he missed him and ended up falling on the ground. He started uncontrollably laughing again, the only noise that could be heard amongst the group.
"Jonathan Robert Bower! You are going to the hospital now whether you like it or not!" shouted Angela as she finally found her voice. Tony and the paramedic pulled him to his feet and placed him on the stretcher. The paramedics strapped him down to avoid any additional incidents or injuries. They wheeled him out of the dorm, Jonathan still laughing uncontrollably as he was lifted into the ambulance. Angela got in the ambulance with him and the paramedics, giving them his information. The ambulance sped away, leaving Tony, Samantha and Mona standing in stunned silence.
"Samantha what happened?" said Tony as they started walking to his jeep. They got into the jeep as Samantha retold the story.
"What was he thinking? He hasn't slept since yesterday morning and he's acting like he's had fifteen cups of coffee! How could they have taken him out to a party in his condition? He's lucky he's not hurt any worse!" shouted Tony.
"They are college kids Tony. They don't know any better! At least they helped Sam out when she really needed it" said Mona as they parked in the ER parking lot. They headed into the ER triage waiting area and could see Angela pacing back and forth. Tony came running up to her and wrapped his arms around her as she started to cry. After a few moments, she was able to get herself under control.
"Oh Tony that was horrible! They had to give him something to calm him down once we got here because he was so upset! I asked that they draw his blood to see what substance he's on. This is not my little boy Tony!" she shouted as another round of tears came falling down.
"I know sweetheart. I wouldn't have known it was Jonathan if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Once we know what we are dealing with, we can see about sending him to one of those rehab places for treatment. We don't give him a choice…" said Tony before he was interrupted by Mona.
"Why don't we take this over here in the waiting area to get some more privacy. We have to let the doctors do their jobs and see what it is we are dealing with. We also have to be prepared for the blood test to come back clean…" said Mona as she was met by three confused sets of eyes.
"Come back clean Mother? How could it possibly come back clean? He's obviously on some sort of drug!" shouted Angela.
"Listen… I've never told this to you before, any of you, but it's about time I tell you. My sister Margaret, Christy's mother, she… she was my best friend growing up. We did everything together since we were only three years apart. Once we became adults, we sort of drifted apart. I married your father and then we had you- we just ended up on two different paths. It wasn't until Angela was just over a year old that we reconnected. By that time, she was off traveling around Europe, meeting guy after guy. She really did seem like she had the glamorous life- staying out for days at a time, taking big risks, throwing caution to the wind. I was envious until I wasn't…" said Mona as she looked down at her hands.
"We got a call one day that she had been up for four days straight and was committed into a local psychiatric hospital. Her behavior was totally erratic and unpredictable. They didn't know much in those days about mental illness so they sent her home with some medication and a referral for a psychiatrist who didn't know a damn thing. It took her being hospitalized three more times before they found a right combination of medications and treatment to help her; she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder or in those days manic depression. My mother basically disowned her so she was never really given the proper support. I wish I had been able to do more, especially for Christy during that time because she really suffered, but I couldn't bring myself to be there, watching her cycle from mania to the darkest of depressions. She'd go off her medication and the mania would inevitably come, followed by depression. She managed as best as she could until one time it just became too much for her…" said Mona as she had to stop and wipe away some tears.
"We never talked about how she died in the family, my mother wouldn't allow it. Suicide in the 60's wasn't just taboo, it was not discussed at all… Look, I don't know if this is what is going on with Jonathan, but we have to think this is a possibility…" said Mona.
"Mother… I had no idea… I… I don't know what we will do if that is what is going on with him! I can't… I can't lose him Tony!" she said as a new round of tears threatened to fall. Just then, two doctors came out to see the family.
"Are you the family for Jonathan Bower?" asked one of the doctors.
"Yes we are" said Tony.
"I am Dr. Friedman, the attending psychiatric physician. We need to talk about Jonathan…" he said.
To be continued…