A Bitter Pill to Swallow- chapter 7
Tony found Angela out in the lobby pacing back and forth. Despite the intense anger radiating from her, he couldn't help but smile at how beautiful she was to him. He walked up to her and tried to put his good arm around her, but she was too worked up to find comfort in his embrace.
"Is he gone Tony? He better be gone! If I never hear, see or talk about Michael Bower again, it will be too soon!" she shouted.
"Easy Angela! Yes he's gone. Let's try and relax a bit before we head back over to see Jonathan. We can grab a booth at the cafe and then maybe head over to the bookstore" he said.
"First we need to call around and see about getting you seen by a doctor. Definitely need something to eat first though and then head to the bookstore" she said as they walked back into the cafe. Mona, Samantha and Hank joined them in the cafe.
"Please tell me the snake has slithered back under a rock somewhere…" said Mona as she grabbed a menu.
"Yes Mother he is gone… not fast enough for my liking but thankfully he is gone…" she said.
"So what's the plan for today? Are we going to visit Jonathan?" asked Hank.
"Yes but we need to find a specialist for Tony and we wanted to stop by the local bookstore to see about getting some books on bipolar disorder first" she said.
"Oh good… I'd like to find one or two. I want to know how to best help him. He really scared me the past few days…" said Samantha as she wiped some tears from her eyes.
"I think we should all get as much information as possible so we can help him. It's going to be a long road to recovery…" said Mona.
The waitress came over and took their orders. They made mostly small talk throughout breakfast, not wanting to talk about the obvious elephant in the room for the time being. They finished their meal and agreed to meet back down in a half an hour, giving Tony and Angela time to see about finding a doctor for Tony. They agreed he would start by calling their family doctor and go from there.
"Hello Dr. Ryder. This is Tony Micelli" he said as he was transferred from the front office to the doctor.
"I was hoping you could give me a referral for a specialist. I tore a ligament in my shoulder… I… I fell while visiting my son at college and I'm still out of town. I'm not sure when I will be home so I was hoping you can recommend a doctor around here… I see… okay if you think that's best… Tuesday at four thirty. Thank you doc" he said as he hung up.
"He wants to see me first before I see a specialist. He also doesn't think our insurance will cover an out of state orthopedic doctor. I made the appointment for Tuesday. I figure we can visit Jonathan and then I can have Samantha or Mona drive me there and back up here…" said Tony.
"I'm not letting you go alone Tony. We will visit him first and then I'll drive us back down. We can do what we need to do at the house and then drive back up here the next morning. It will be good to sleep in our bed for a night" she said.
"Okay Angela that sounds like a plan. We still have about fifteen minutes until we need to meet them downstairs. I think I'm going to lay down" he said as he not so gracefully laid down on the bed.
"Here let me help you and get you some pillows" she said as she put more pillows behind his head.
"You know… I figured one day I'd hurt myself again. This shoulder was always going to eventually give me more problems. I just thought it would have been moving the fridge or the sofa!" he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
"I bet you never expected to be practically tackled to the ground by our son in a psych ward as how you'd re-injure it…" she said as she curled into his good side.
"No that wasn't on the itinerary… either way it's not like he meant to do it. I just hope he doesn't ever remember doing it" he said.
"Oh Tony… what if he doesn't get better? What if…" she started as Tony stopped her.
"Angela… we can't go down that path. Michael is gone and he's now got the five of us who are in his corner no matter what. We have to believe for his sake he's going to get better" he said as he pulled her tighter.
"You're right Tony… I need to try and focus on what's in front of us in the moment. I love you Tony" she said as she leaned in for a kiss.
A short while later, they all met in the lobby and headed over to the bookstore. They all headed to the self-help section and skimmed through the shelves for any and all resources. The pickings were extremely slim but Angela was able to find one book called The Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison. She picked that up as well as some other psychology books.
Hank, Samantha and Mona went to pick out some books for Jonathan to read from some of his favorite authors. After a while, they met at the cashier and paid for the books. It was close to visiting hours so they headed over to the hospital. They signed in and waited to be called onto the unit.
"Now Hank… you need to be prepared for what Jonathan is like. He's not going to be the Jonathan you remember. Hopefully the medication starts to take effect soon and he comes down from the mania" said Angela. Just then they were buzzed into the unit. They were led to the main visiting room again and sat down at the table. A few minutes later, Jonathan was escorted into the room.
"Hey everyone…" said Jonathan as he sat down. He was still very fidgety and on edge but his speech was notably slower and more controlled.
"How are you doing sweetheart? Did you sleep okay?" asked Angela.
"How do you think I slept Mom… I'm in a psych ward. My roommate doesn't stop screaming and I've got Huey and Dewey over here watching my every move. You know what it's like to use the bathroom knowing someone's watching?" he said with anger in his voice.
"We bought you some books to read. Found some of your favorite authors" said Mona as she passed him a few books.
"I'm not really in the mood to read. Have they said when I'm getting out of here? No one seems to want to answer that question…" he snapped.
"I'll try and speak to the doctor today to see if I can get an update. I think they want to make sure the medication is working first to ensure you are safe" said Angela.
"Mom I just want to go home!" he cried, breaking down into sobs. Angela jumped up and ran to his side, taking him into her arms and holding him tightly as he cried. The rest of the family couldn't help the tears that were forming in their eyes as they watched Angela try to comfort Jonathan. Finally, Jonathan pulled back, his crying slowly stopping.
"You're gonna be out of here in no time! Until then, we are going to be here visiting you as often as possible, I promise!" said Tony.
"Tony… what really happened to your shoulder…" he asked quietly.
"I… I fell is all…" he said.
"We fell right? I fell on top of you and that's how you hurt your arm. I hurt you Tony, didn't I?" he asked as a new round of tears began to fall.
"You didn't hurt me Jonathan! It was an accident! I'm fine I promise! I'll be good as new in a few weeks!" said Tony as he got up and sat on the other side next to Jonathan.
"I'm sorry Tony…" he said as he put his head in his hands and cried again. Tony carefully put his good arm on Jonathan's back, slowly rubbing in small circles until Jonathan turned and fell into his arms. Tony pulled him close into a hug and stayed there until his crying finally subsided.
"I guess my Dad isn't coming back…" he said as he wiped the tears from his face and sat back in the chair, his fidgeting returning.
"He had to go back to California. He wanted me to tell you he loves you very much" said Tony.
"Yeah I'm sure he does… loves me so much he can't even stand to be here for a full day. Not sure why I'm surprised. He couldn't stand being in my life before hand, why should he be here now" said Jonathan.
"Jonathan… it's complicated…" said Tony.
"Yeah sure… loving your son is the most complicated thing in the world…" he said, the fidgeting getting worse.
"Dad, Angela? Why don't you guys maybe see about talking to someone about an update and we can hang out here?" suggested Samantha.
"Yes maybe we should see if we can speak to someone. We will be right back" said Angela as she and Tony stood up and headed for the nursing station.
"Jonathan look… I wish your Dad was stepping up to the plate right now but he's not. There's nothing you or I or anyone else can do but you need to remember this is his issue, not yours. You are no less of a person, of a son, of a grandson… of an annoying little brother… because of this- you understand me?" said Samantha.
"She's right Jonathan. We are here for you, all five of us, just like we've been here for each other for all of these years. Angela is going to move mountains to make sure you get everything you need for your recovery and what she can't do, Tony will find a way, I'm sure" said Mona.
"I guess…" said Jonathan.
"How about we play a game of cards? I see a deck over there by the activities cart" said Hank as he got up to get the deck.
"A friendly game of poker anyone?" asked Samantha as she took the deck of cards and started shuffling. She dealt out the cards and they started to play.
Angela and Tony headed towards the nursing station and spoke to the head nurse. After a few minutes, the nurse and the social worker came out to meet them, taking them into a side room.
"Hi Mr. and Mrs. Micelli. Please come in and take a seat" said Stephanie, Jonathan's official social worker.
"Where is Jessica?" asked Angela.
"She's on the unit on the weekends. I am his social worker for the weekdays. We all share information so she will be kept abreast of his progress" she said.
"As of yesterday, Jonathan started his course of medication, which was continued today. While his mania is still present, he appears to be coming down from the peak manic state. We will continue to monitor his progress to ensure his progress. We are encouraging him to attend both individual and group therapy sessions but so far he is refusing" said the nurse.
"Is it mandatory? Can you force him to attend?" asked Angela.
"Meeting with his doctor and treatment team is mandatory but participation is not. Group therapy is also not mandatory. We are hoping once the medication starts Jonathan will be more receptive to joining in activities and groups as well as starting to receive individual counseling. Once he is ready for discharge, we will make referrals for outpatient care- a psychiatrist and therapist as well as a mental health day program if needed" said Jessica.
"Would there be the opportunity to attend these sessions or receive family support?" asked Tony.
"We don't have the opportunity to conduct family sessions here at the hospital but we can make referrals for family support and therapy once he's discharged" said Jessica.
"Thank you. We tried finding resources earlier today at the bookstore but there weren't many available. We just want to help him in anyway possible" said Angela.
"I know you do. Right now, it's just being there to support him as he comes down from the manic state. He needs unconditional love right now and consistency. I heard his father may not be a reliable source of support" said the nurse.
"Yes he is no longer in the picture. It's just Tony and I and our family. Please let us know if we need to arrange any aftercare and anything else you need from us" said Angela.
"You are doing all you can right now. If everything continues to progress, we are hoping he can be discharged in about three to four weeks, maybe sooner" said the nurse.
"A month? Is that… is that really necessary?" asked Angela.
"Yes I'm afraid it is. While the medications are very effective, sometimes they can create suicidal thoughts as the brain stabilizes. We want to make sure he's as safe as possible before discharging him" said Jessica.
"Yes of course. He needs to be here as long as possible to make sure he's alright" said Tony.
"Okay. If you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to contact us" said Jessica as she escorted them out of the room. They walked back to the main room and stopped at the door, watching the family play cards. They both had fleeting thoughts that in another time and place, it could easily been mistaken for a family fun night at home. They held hands as they walked into the room and took two empty seats.
"So how's the game going? Who's winning?" asked Angela.
"Jonathan's up two games but Hank here is making a comeback. I swear these cards are stacked!" complained Mona.
"So what did they say about me getting out of here?" asked Jonathan as he dealt out another round.
"Well… assuming the medications continue to work, you should be able to come home in a few weeks" said Angela, trying to soften the blow of staying that period of time when she knew he just wanted to come home.
"A few weeks? I'm not staying here a few days let alone a few weeks!" he shouted.
"Jonathan… they need to make sure the medications are working and keeping you safe. The medications can make you… make you feel like you want to hurt yourself in some cases so they want to make sure you're safe. We will be here for you until you're ready to come home" said Tony.
"The other thing they mentioned is attending groups and therapy both in here but also when you come home. We will make sure everything is set up before you come home but it might be a good idea to attend a few sessions here… when you're up to it…" said Angela.
"I think visiting hours are almost up. I'll see you all later. Thanks for the game…" said Jonathan as he got up and headed for the door.
"We will be back tonight for the later visiting hours. We can bring you dinner! Anything you want… just name it!" said Tony.
"It doesn't matter… nothing matters anymore…" he said as he walked out of the room, leaving the family on the verge of tears.