"WHAT?" Rachel shrieked, still holding her head. She wasn't feeling any pain, however, she could hear the drill and feel pressure. Juan had just explained what was happening to her and Rachel was having a hard time processing it, as anyone would if they were told they were currently in the operating room getting their skull cut open.
Before Juan could say anything, she spoke again, "I think I'm going to be sick."
Juan knew that wasn't possible as Rachel was under anesthesia, he did know this was a sign his daughter would be sick when she woke up after surgery. He got Rachel to take some deep breaths and she suddenly felt better—she didn't feel the pressure in her head anymore and the drilling noise stopped. "You're okay, mija. I'm here with you, and I'm going to be with you the whole time."
"Daddy?" she asked a few minutes later, her voice soft and sad. Juan knew what she was thinking before she said anything, pulling his daughter into his lap and holding her tight.
"Vivire en tu corazon para siempre, mi amor."
Rachel cried, and Juan looked up to keep his tears from falling—he wanted to let his daughter feel her emotions and then he'd make sure these next few hours were the most special for her because once the surgery was finished, he will never get an opportunity to be with his girls again.
Santana was now snuggled against her mother again, Shelby having a hard time focusing on anything besides silently comforting her daughter and getting lost in her thoughts—talking was something she couldn't do right now because she knew if she did, she was going to lose it on someone who didn't deserve it.
Carlos was next to Shelby, squeezing her hand in understanding while sending his own messages up to his son to keep Rachel safe during surgery. He knew this was going to be the longest 12 hours they've ever experienced—realistically Carlos understood the surgery was typically 6-8 hours, but because Dr. Stratton said it could take up to 12, he was sticking to that; anything less would be a miracle.
Shelby was watching her husband pacing, clearly beating himself up but she couldn't be bothered to deal with him—the only thing Shelby wanted was for him to stop freaking pacing because it was driving her up a wall. Thankfully, her daughter doesn't mind being painfully blunt and felt similarly.
"Can you sit the hell down, watching you is making me feel sicker than I already do!"
Will stopped and looked at his daughter in shock, something that quickly turned to worry. Santana was extremely pale, something the mother had already noticed—in fact, she had already given her one of the Zofran melts Dr. Stratton prescribed for Rachel when she came home from the hospital back in September. Shelby took one herself as well about thirty minutes ago, like mother like daughter, nauseous with fear.
"Why don't we go get Santana some tea," Robert suggested. He knew his son was more than just upset about Rachel, he didn't know what though.
"Uhh, yeah okay. Does anyone else want anything?" Will received a round of no's and headed towards the cafeteria with his father.
Shelby leaned down and pressed a kiss to her daughters' head that was in her lap and ran her hand up and down her side, "How about we take another walk of our own?"
Santana nodded and sat up. Her feelings were all over the place and it didn't help she physically felt like crap too. All she wanted right now was her mom, everyone else was making her upset, something she couldn't really explain. Shelby understood though, she felt the same way, only able to tolerate her baby.
"What's going on, son? I know you're worried about Rachel like we all are, but I know there's something else."
"I don't know what you're talking about, dad."
"Will, I'm your father. I think sometimes you forget how well I know you. Did you and Shelby have a fight?"
"Not yet."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I think she would like to scream at me, but she's holding herself back."
Robert looked at his son expectantly. In all the years the couple had been together, Robert could count on one hand the number of times his son came to him after a fight they'd had. Shelby may be a hardass with her students, but she's the exact opposite at home. And the few times the couple had fought, Shelby was quick to apologize the way she did after snapping at Will when Rachel was injured by Mercedes.
"You know what I've come to you and mom about most over the years—"
"Feeling as though your fatherly instincts were nonexistent," Robert said, very familiar with his son's worries.
He thought Will's feelings may change when Beth was born, however, they didn't. That wasn't to say Beth is any more than the twins, Robert only thought it may change things because Beth shares his DNA. Come to find out, his son just doesn't have the instincts he did. Robert was quick to tell Will his own instincts were never as strong as Rose's, hence the saying, mother knows best. That never comforted Will the way it did himself though.
"That's the one. Earlier, when Rachel was seizing, I was confident waiting a bit longer for the medicine to work was the right call…"
"And Shelby knew it wasn't."
"She didn't just know, she flat out told me I was wrong, called for an ambulance and saved Rachel's life. You heard Dr. Stratton, Rachel's brain is bleeding and I was fine with letting her die."
"William! You weren't fine letting her die, you didn't know."
"I should have, dad! What type of father doesn't do everything he can to help his child? What type of father sits by as one of his daughters is screaming her head off, the second is hyperventilating and the third is seizing? Oh yeah, do nothing Mr. Shue, that's who."
"Do nothing Mr. Shue?" Robert questioned, not understanding why his son was referring to himself in the third person.
"It's something some of my students say."
Will wasn't the most attentive teacher. His students got away with way too much during his class, and he oftentimes watched fights happen, breaking them up after a punch or two was thrown. It was one thing for Santana and Rachel not to pay attention because he knew they were fluent in Spanish already, none of his other students were. And even though his wife is the one who truly runs Vocal Adrenaline, he spent a lot of time researching songs of his own causing him to miss even more.
"What does that mean?"
"It's not important, dad. I wish Shelby would just get it over with, I know I deserve all the feelings she has against me right now."
"Bad idea, son. You never rush an angry woman."
"I know that. I was born at night, not last night."
"If that were true, you wouldn't want your wife 'getting it over with' before she has processed the emotions she's feeling herself."
"Where are we going?" Santana asked, following her mother through the hospital.
Shelby didn't say anything, squeezing her daughter's hand she was already holding and pulling Santana closer to her as they continued walking. The minute Shelby pulled open one of the doors Santana started resisting, digging her feet into the ground, "No, no, no, no-no. Hell no! I am not going in there!"
"Trust me, babe."
With one more eye roll, Santana followed her mom into the chapel. They sat down in the farthest pew from the front, all the way over to the left side, squeezed together because Santana couldn't help but be ridiculously close to her mom even though she dragged her into 'talk to a god that doesn't exist'.
"We don't even believe in god, why are we in here?"
"This is the only place in the hospital that you can't hear the constant noise from the loudspeaker, and where we can just be."
"Is this where you went all those times you told us you were taking a walk?" Santana questioned. After Rachel had woken up from her coma, Shelby took multiple walks to clear her mind during visiting hours because Rachel's room was very busy.
Shelby nodded. Hospitals are a very loud, hectic place, something Shelby has a hard time with when she can't control her life—throughout the years she's realized when things get too chaotic between the girls, Will, their family and her job, the only place she could find peace was on the third-floor soundproofed room away from the constant noise. In a hospital though, Shelby's music room became a chapel. The one place she could hear herself think and be close to Juan. Sometimes she would speak to him out loud, others silently saying her peace—sometimes both.
"I went to church with daddy every Sunday the first few years we were together."
"But why? Abuelo doesn't believe in god either, why would daddy go to church?"
"Abuelita believes, and daddy would go to church with her."
"Did he believe?"
"No," Shelby said, shaking her head. "He loved Abuelita so much, he put his own beliefs aside and went with her."
"I love you, mama but I wouldn't go to church with you."
"It's a good thing I don't go then," she said with a smile.
"I get why daddy would put himself through it, why did you?"
"I would have done anything for him."
"That doesn't answer the question."
"I went because I saw how important it was to daddy. Even though he didn't believe in god, daddy believed a lot of what the church stood for. He believed everyone was deserving of love, respect, forgiveness and was here for a reason. He believed in second changes, in helping everyone no matter what they may have done and understood we all have our own paths to follow. Church for daddy wasn't about god, his PhD and love for science made a higher power hard to believe in—it was about supporting his mothers belief even though he didn't share them. I however, have my own reasons, like yours, for not believing. Do you remember what I told you and your sister the other day when we were talking about who you fall in love with?"
"Umm, you don't care if it's a girl or boy?"
"And?"
"Your love will never change?"
"That's true. I was referring to the part about loving and respecting you for you. To me, that meant knowing and learning about every and all parts of daddy's life, no matter what my beliefs were. No," Shelby said, knowing her daughter was about to protest.
"That doesn't mean I'm expecting you to sit through church or something else you don't believe in one day. But for me personally, it was just another way that made me feel exceptionally close to your father. You and your sister do similar things for Brittany and Quinn. You play along with all of Brittany's quirks even though you know they aren't real, and respect Quinn's faith even though you don't share it."
Santana realized her mom was right. She didn't want to go to church with Quinn, but she did respect the blonde believed. She also wore certain pajamas when Brittany stayed over because Lord Tubbington makes the decisions, even though he's a damn cat. She liked what her abuelo said, believing there was something bigger than himself but couldn't believe that either. She agreed with her mom, believing in her father because if anything else was true, Juan was taken from them for no reason.
"I'd go to church every week if it meant daddy could be here with us."
"Me too, baby. Me too."
It was now hour seven and a nurse had only come out twice to give the family a generalized update. Katherine had relieved Judy, staying at her daughter's house because Beth had been asleep in her crib by the time she got there. Quinn had fallen asleep in Rachel's bed with one of her crush's blankets practically wrapped around her head, leaving Judy feeling conflicted as to what to do. Katherine made it easy for her, telling Judy to run home to get she and Quinn some clothes even though the blonde would most likely wear Santana's, and come back to sleep in the guestroom so she could be there for her daughter.
When Beth was born, they converted the office into a guestroom and put the desk and family computer in the library. They each had laptops and oftentimes did their grading and homework at the island, in the breakfast nook or in the living room anyways so it wasn't a big deal. Having a guestroom for Carlos and Maria on the other hand was a big deal.
Rose had also left the hospital because her back didn't do very well in the hospital chairs for hours on end. Robert normally would have gone with his wife, she told him to stay with Will though because she could tell her son was still feeling bothered by more than Rachel being in surgery. Robert did what he could to help their son, but he was still waiting for the screaming his wife wasn't going to do. Will wasn't exactly sure why he thought Shelby would scream because that's never been her style. In fact, she's never one to raise her voice no matter how upset she is.
Maria and Carlos couldn't bring themselves to leave, just like Thomas. Until they met this Dr. Othot and heard what he had to say, waiting to hear Dr. Stratton deliver the news because he was the doctor everyone trusted, they refused to leave. Shelby has yet to say anything to Will besides a few no's when he's asked if she needed anything, another reason the three grandparents refused to leave not to mention Shawn and Meredith. Shelby couldn't say anything to Will though, not until she knew her baby was going to be okay.
Santana twitching in her sleep brought Shelby out of her thoughts and she ran her fingers through her daughter's hair and leaned down to soothe her quietly, "Shh, shh, shh. You're okay baby girl. Mommy's here, I'm right here."
"Daddy, Rachie!" she screamed, running towards them.
They were back in the park, the sun was shining, the day was beautiful, and there was now a trampoline where there used to be a swing set. Rachel and Juan had been looking up at the clouds naming the shapes they saw for about an hour, something the twins have done since they were three. The trampoline they had in the backyard wasn't nearly as big as the one in the park though, and Santana wasted no time hoisting herself up onto it to hug her father and sister.
"Tana! Ooh, look at that one daddy, it's in the shape of a penguin," Rachel said with a laugh. She continued listing things, so happy her sister was here now too.
"What's going on, mija?" Juan asked, sensing Santana was deep in thought about something.
"Before I fell asleep, mommy was telling me she used to go to church with you."
"She did. I know you don't believe, babe."
"You don't either."
"You're right, I don't. I'm a man of science."
"That's what mommy said."
"She's a smart woman. What are you so hung up on, my love?"
"When we wish for something like, all day every day, what makes certain things come true and others to not? Who or what chooses which wishes are most important to grant?"
"What do you think?" Juan asked.
"I don't know. Abuelo says he believes there's something bigger than us, but I don't think that's right. And mommy says she believes in you, I like that more. I'm starting to think people chose to believe in something or someone for things they can't explain, understand or control because it makes them feel better and less unafraid…but, that means none of this is true."
"Don't say that, Tana!" Rachel said, taking her sister's hand into her own.
"Why not?"
"Because if you don't believe, you won't be able to stay here with daddy and me."
Santana looked up and Juan who nodded at her sadly knowing it was true. "I promise I'll always believe in you, daddy."
"Why don't you rest your eyes, honey? I promise to wake you the minute one of the nurses or doctors comes in," Carlos suggested to Shelby.
They had been led to a private waiting room the first time the nurse had given them an update on Rachel per Dr. Stratton's orders—he knew most, if not all, the family would stay until the surgery was over and in the private rooms the hospital had bigger and comfier chairs. They weren't chairs anyone would ever purchase for their homes, but they were more comfortable than the ones they had hundreds of throughout the hospital.
"I can't."
"I didn't say sleep honey, just rest your eyes."
Shelby tipped her head back against the wall and appeased her father-in-law, closing her eyes and letting her other senses work double time. Carlos knew Shelby would never fall asleep; he was only trying to offer some help in an impossible situation. Maria smiled at her husband, taking his hand in her own and giving it a squeeze as if to say, 'I love you'.
Shelby had no idea why she was walking into Sweet Treats, a place she hadn't been to since she lived in New York and then she saw the smile she had fallen in love with. She pinched herself, not believing he was really standing in front of her because standing next to him were their beautiful girls.
All the dreams she's ever had of Juan since he died were either she and him, or the four of them when the girls were babies. She never dreamt of the here and now with him, something this clearly was because the girls were in the outfits Santana was currently wearing and Rachel had been wearing before she had been changed for surgery.
"Strawberry ice cream, hermosa," Juan said, handing his wife the ice cream Rachel knew enough to ask him to order. When they arrived, she told Juan they needed four instead of three, something he didn't question—all of this was happening for Rachel after all.
"Juan," Shelby breathed out. She reached up and touched his face, gasping when she felt his warm skin underneath her hand. All the dreams she'd ever had her hand went right through him because he was never truly there, however, this time he was.
"Can we go now? It's like, way too cold in here," Santana said with a shiver.
"So cold," Rachel added, shivering herself.
Shelby was still in shock and trying to make sense of how this was possible, because it wasn't, but it was. "Mommy and I will be out in a minute mija's. Why don't you girls sit at that table so I can keep an eye on you please," Juan said, pointing to the table outside the bay window. New York wasn't someplace he wanted them wandering without him.
"Don't take too long, you promised we could go to Skyspace!"
"Just a few minutes, I promise."
Juan watched them walk out and sit at the table; once he knew they were safe, he led Shelby out of the way of the other patrons in the ice cream shop so he could help her make sense of things. "How are you here with them when—"
"They're teenagers?" he supplied, and she nodded. "Rachel brought me."
"Like she did in her coma?"
"Si, hermosa. And to get through surgery, she brought you and Santana to join us."
"I've missed you so much, Juan."
"I know, beautiful. You've raised such strong, beautiful, kind, perfect girls," he said. It was impossible for him to miss her seeing as he was no longer alive. He felt so lucky to be able to see her one last time though and be with their girls.
"Our babies are all grown up, Juan. Can you believe it?"
Their conversation continued and they spoke about anything and everything, catching up on lost time, and making the most of being together. Juan knew this wouldn't last as long as they would like it to, so he made sure his wife knew three important things before it was too late.
1. He will always love her and be with her until her dying day. His love is something that never died even when he did because she's kept him alive for herself and their babies, something he will forever be thankful for because he loved her to the moon and beyond.
2. She needs to stop carrying around guilt that doesn't belong to her. Nobody could have prevented the accident that killed him. His parents were never and will never be upset with her for moving back to Ohio and not getting to New York as often as she'd like to. And he could never hate her for getting remarried, providing the twins with an earthside father, and having another baby that wasn't his. She was going to send herself into an early grave if she continued to carry so much guilt, which wouldn't be good for anyone, especially their girls.
3. He will forever be proud of the choices she has and will continue to make for the twins. If the situations were reversed, he wouldn't have known how the heck to raise their girls without her. The number of decisions she was required to make each and every day for the last fourteen and a half years was out of this world and he knew there was no way he would have ever survived. There was no reason to question her instincts because they were truly the best of the best.
"I love you, beautiful."
"I love you too, Juan."
Before he could continue, he was cut off by a sudden flash of lightning, and the sky turned pitch black as rain poured down on the girls. Juan dropped the ice cream in his hands and rushed outside, aware of what was going to happen before Shelby, something the mother had questioned to herself earlier in the day.
Juan gently laid Rachel on the ground as Shelby came running out of the ice cream shop, not understanding what was going on. Santana didn't understand why one minute she and her sister were having a conversation and the next, she just stopped speaking. When another flash of lightning struck, Santana looked around and saw that her family was now alone—the street had cleared of cars, sidewalks cleared of people, and everything became eerily silent.
Everything except for her mothers' screams.
"Juan, you have to save her! You're the only one who can save her. Please Juan, save our baby!"
Santana watched as her father performed CPR on her sister, tears silently streaming down her face. "Nothing bad is supposed to happen here," she whispered, saying it over and over again until her voice became louder causing Shelby to stand up and wrap her arms around her.
"Juan, please!" Shelby cried.
"Time check?" Dr. Othot asked.
"Seven minutes and climbing," a nurse responded.
"We need to get her back," Dr. Stratton said uncharacteristically. He was known for having one of the worst bedside manners and keeping his composure, however, he was clearly panicking seeing his patient coding.
"What do you think I'm doing, Paul?" Dr. Othot questioned. "Time?"
"Nine minutes…"