Disclaimer: The following is a fan-written fiction, the views and opinions in this story are not intended to be viewed as those of the author. Ranma 1/2, Urusei Yatsura, Inuyasha, and Five Pound Gospel are the creations of Rumiko Takahashi, property of their respective rights holders and publishers. Please support the official releases.

CW: This story will contain violence, strong language, sexual humor and situations, drug use, Moroboshi Ataru, and Happosai. You've been warned.

|Special Administration District|

Just about two kilometers away from Furinkan High School later that evening, on a quiet street corner on the southern edge of Nerima, Nabiki, Akane, and Akane's friends Sayuri and Yuka followed the elder Tendo's phone-provided route guidance to their destination. It was taking them very close to what was once the Nerima ward's main rail line.

"This place is all the way out here, huh?" Nabiki asked while she watched the distance to their destination shrink on her phone. "We're gonna hit the wall soon."

Sayuri and Yuka both walked closer to Akane, the latter scanning the dark street for any potential danger. "I've never actually been out this late at night since it got put up," she admitted.

"Me neither," Sayuri said.

"That makes three of us," Akane said. Unlike her friends she was unconcerned by what could be lurking.

"It's so quiet," Yuka murmured.

Nabiki closed her eyes and hummed in appreciation of the ambient peace. "It's kind of nice, don't you think?"

Yuka couldn't see it that way. "It's creepy."

Sayuri agreed. "This town is always so noisy and hectic during the day, there's always some kind of chaos or a fight going on. At night though…? You can hear yourself think."

Nabiki looked back, a smirk on her lips. "It's quieter at night because even the ugliest, meanest delinquents know better than to be caught out at night by the Yakuza that are taking over."

Yuka and Sayuri both jumped. "Y-Yakuza?!"

Akane scowled at her sister. "Come on, Nabiki, don't scare them!"

"I'm just joking! There's no Yakuza here," Nabiki fake-reassured them, before she said with a grin. "There's so much worse."

She looked down the street and smirked. "And they locked all of us in with them."

Akane, Sayuri, and Yuka's gazes followed–to a huge, dark shape looming in the night. It was a fence-protected, razor-wire topped wall over five meters high that abruptly ended the thoroughfare. It was a relatively new feature, barely six months old, but its dramatic impact was felt on everyone living on the side they stood on.

This was the new and permanent border between the city of Tokyo, Japan, and the Special Administrative District Nerima.

"It's so much worse at night…" Sayuri lamented.

Yuka agreed with a nod, saying nothing.

Akane brushed it off, puffing out her chest to calm her friends down. "I can handle any creep that comes our way. I've proven that much over the last couple of days."

Without looking up from her phone Nabiki stepped one pace over to her left, and a young man in a white t-shirt with short red sleeves and blue pants slid inside of her personal space and rested his hands on her hips.

"Hey cutie…!" Akane drove her palm into his face, sending him flying back the way he came and into a concrete telephone pole, cracking it.

She let out a triumphant snort and turned to Yuka and Sayuri. "See?"

The young man was already on his feet right behind her–chatting up Nabiki. "So what's your name, number, and measurements?"

Akane performed an about face. "WHAT."

"I hear there's a secret karaoke place around here. We can team up to find it together… and get up to discovering other secrets~?"

Nabiki remained glued to her phone. "Depends–are you buying if there is such a place?"

The young man was affronted by the idea. "Of course! What kind of man would I be if I didn't pay?!"

"A common one," Nabiki replied, before this bold suitor took her hand in his. When she looked up at his face, his dark brown eyes shimmering with earnest ardor met hers and a gentle breeze caught his unruly hair and sideburns.

"Believe me," he said before pulling Nabiki into an even closer embrace, "I am the rarest man you will ever meet."

Akane's fist collided with the man's cheek, Nabiki watching–like in slow motion–the man's face warp from the force of the blow before his entire body followed the direction of the hit and he went crashing into the side of the building just beyond the telephone pole he went into the first time.

"Don't touch her," Akane said in a voice stilled by her anger.

"Who is that?" Sayuri asked.

Nabiki looked at the pit his body made into the wall. "Wrong tense."

"He's still moving…!" Yuka pointed out as she cowered behind Akane.

"He is a rare one," Nabiki said before the man hauled himself up to his feet again and rubbed the side of his face.

"Atcha-cha-cha-cha…" He grimaced and shook it off. "Wow… that… that…"

He moved, quick as lightning, right back up to Akane with a big smile on his face. "Holy heck, baby! You're the strongest woman I've ever seen!"

Akane recoiled. "E-eh? Wha…?!"

He stepped back holding up his hands to frame her face between them. "You're almost as strong as you're pretty!"

Who is this guy? Akane thought.

"And you keep pretty company, too!" He winked towards Sayuri and Yuka.

Is he dead set on flirting with every girl in his line of sight?!

Akane's thoughts stopped racing. Wait. An aggressive, indestructible flirt?

She pulled back from him, pale with realization. "No way… you're…!"

Her voice was drowned out by a much louder voice–a high, angry shriek from above.

"DARLING!"

The sky lit up, and the young man was struck by lightning like God Himself had a look at the scene unfolding and decided "Nah."

Akane, Sayuri, Yuka, and Nabiki looked up to the source of the heavenly smite. Floating down from the sky was exactly who Akane expected with her realization–a stunningly pretty, slender but curvaceous girl with long and flowing iridescent hair and turquoise eyes, wearing only a skimpy, black and yellow-striped bikini and boots that matched up with the small yellow horns sticking from her head.

"Lum Invader," Akane said before looking down at the blackened young man with smoke rising from his body. "Then this must be Moroboshi Ataru."

"What a time to be starstruck, huh?" Nabiki asked before she looked from her phone and around.

It looked like they were here, but she didn't see anything that looked like a Karaoke Bar. Just a shuttered clothing store on one corner, a boarded up sake bar on another, an empty lot on a third, and a low-income apartment on the one directly in front of them.

Lum floated over Ataru's twitching body, her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. "Is that where you've been running off to? Sneaking halfway across town to pick up girls?!"

She fired another zap, but Ataru quickly scrambled back. "Hey! Hey! Knock it off!"

Nabiki wasn't wrong, it was a surprise to see the most notorious couple in Nerima, if not the entire world, violently bickering in front of Akane. Lum Invader, a beautiful alien whose race had come to claim Earth for their own; and Moroboshi Ataru, the young man who won Earth's survival and Lum as his fiancée.

I just wanted to go sing some karaoke. She thought.

Struck by a bolt of electricity, Ataru stumbled back and sat flat on his backside, smoke rising from his body. "Gah! Lum! C-Can't you calm down for just a second?!"

"Calm down?! The moment I take my eyes off you, you're drooling over some other girl!"

Ataru gestured to Akane and Nabiki. "Can you blame me when they look like that?!"

Nabiki smirked. "Right line, wrong time."

Indeed, Lum zapped him again.

"Gyah!"

With the cessation of the zap, Ataru got up. "I didn't just come out here to chase after girls!"

Lum put her hands on her hips. "Oh? And what were you here for, hm?!"

Ataru grimaced and looked away. "I can't say."

"You can't, now?! You'd better tell me, or else!" Lum demanded as she began to crackle with power.

Ataru threw up his hands. "Or else what, you'll zap me again?! Oh gee, like I haven't had enough of that already!"

To answer his question, Lum zapped him, the crackle from the attack was more like a thunderous roar. Finishing the zap, Lum huffed as Ataru wobbled where he stood.

"I hope I never get into a relationship like this," Akane said over the sound of lingering crackles of voltage.

Nabiki shrugged her shoulders as she began to film it. "I don't know, he's got some moves."

"And some nerve," Sayuri said.

Yuka was not impressed. "He's disgusting."

Ataru buckled to his knees and fell forward on his hands. Satisfied with her work, Lum turned around to face the Tendo sisters and their entourage. Electricity still crackled across her body as she stared in particular at Akane. This girl… she could see why Ataru would go after her, and that made her blood boil more.

"Who are you? What are you to my Darling?!" She demanded.

Akane recoiled a bit, was this actually happening?

Sayuri spoke up for her. "We were just going over to a classmate's house to study, when this guy came and started hitting on us."

Nabiki nodded. "Yes, he said something about looking for a secret karaoke bar."

Lum whirled upon Ataru. "A karaoke bar?!"

Pushing himself back up onto his knees, Ataru grimaced. Just like that, ratted out. Oh well, he couldn't be mad at such well-made cuties.

He looked up at Lum and shouted at her. "Well the last cheap one in town closed because you destroyed all its equipment!"

Lum wasn't having that. "Because you were in it kissing on some girls!"

"No, I was trying to get away from you, you annoying harpy!" Ataru snapped back at her.

"H-Harpy?!" Now thunder rumbled in the air above Lum as she looked down upon her fiancé.

Before she could call down that thunder on him again, though, Katie's voice rose above the din. "Hey, what's all this noise about?"

The four girls, Lum, and Ataru looked over to see Katie, wearing a green hooded sweatshirt, and black sweatpants instead of her uniform, standing in front of the doorway to the low-income apartment. She looked like she had just gotten out of the shower.

Akane brightened and went to her, Sayuri and Yuka following. "Senpai!"

"Howdy, Akaneko," Katie said before looking at Lum. "Can I help you…?"

Ataru took Katie's hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing it. "You can help me, gorgeous. It is not often that a beautiful woman of your height and stature comes to this part of Tokyo, much less to live. Tell me, are you a model? An actress?"

Katie pulled her hand away from Ataru, slowly. "Don't touch me."

As if he was going to agree to that! He lunged and grabbed Katie around the waist with one arm, while nuzzling her chest. "Baby there's so much of you to touch, though, I can't abide by that!"

Katie looked at Akane, with a cold, stony expression she returned in kind.

Nabiki pulled Sayuri and Yuka both back. "We don't want to be in the splash zone."

Lum was confused. "Splash…?"

Neither she nor Sayuri and Yuka actually saw what happened in detail. It was all a blur–one instant Ataru was grinding on them like they paid him, and the very next instant his body was a projectile, hurtling in a high arc towards the nearby Shakuji River. The force of the combined blows Akane and Katie had driven into him pushed the three other girls and the alien princess backward.

They all turned and looked in the direction Ataru went, and saw a plume of water rise from the river.

Nabiki was so glad she'd filmed that.

"They're so strong…" Sayuri whispered.

Yuka gulped, her face bright red. "It's… it's kinda scary."

Lum was also very impressed. "That's the furthest I've seen anyone launch Darling."

Katie lowered her leg. "Darling? Wait… that was…?"

"Moroboshi Ataru," Akane confirmed.

Katie looked back towards where they'd fired Ataru. "Shoot, I heard stories about that creep, but… Jesus."

"It's hard to imagine that he's the one who saved the world, isn't it?" Nabiki asked.

Katie scoffed. "Honestly? Yeah."

"You too?" Akane asked.

"Saved the world and made Nerima the way it is today," a new voice called.

From out of the apartment building emerged a tall, robust, older Eastern European woman. She looked to be in her late 30s, but her long stark white hair trailing down to her waist and the long, heavy-looking cane with an ornate, leather-bound handle she leaned on hinted at her being much older. The woman wore a thick gray wool turtleneck sweater with braided patterns down its front, back, and sleeves, and a long, flowing black skirt.

Before anyone could ask, the woman introduced herself. "Good evening, I am the landlord of this apartment, Rozhdestvensky Anya. Could someone tell me why this засранец and his сука are raising a fuss around here?"

Lum looked over at the woman, curious by the strange words she injected into her speech. "Excuse me?"

Katie bowed to her. "Sorry Sasha, that weirdo was terrorizing my friends."

Akane glanced at Katie, and back at the woman. Didn't she say Anya?

Lum frowned. "Darling does that to every girl he meets. He's an unapologetic flirt!"

"Touching a girl who wants none of that goes well past the line of flirt," Katie noted.

Sayuri snapped at Lum. "Yeah! Control your man before he actually hurts someone!"

Lum recoiled, offended. "You think I like that he does it?!"

"Well whatever you're doing isn't working!" Akane spat back.

"How can you even like that freak?!" Yuka demanded.

Katie nodded. "Asking the real questions, here."

Lum began huffing in frustration. "I don't need to answer why I love him to a bunch of slutty girls who walk the streets at night!"

Sayuri, Yuka, and Akane recoiled, before Akane's face became a furious red. "You are the last bitch on Earth who has the right to call anyone a slut!"

"Bitch?!" Lum shouted as electricity crackled around her.

Nabiki whistled, she expected a lot of things tonight, but this was not one of them. Nor could she conceive it being this exciting to watch.

"The biggest bitch, if a horny pervert like that would go after any other girl but you!" Akane railed back.

Lum's mouth fell agape, and the electricity around her surged.

"ENOUGH!"

The warring girls fell silent, with Anya's bellow.

The old woman raised her cane and pointed it at Lum's face. "You. Leave this place and fish your aberration of a fiancé from the river before he does us all a favor and drowns."

She pointed the cane at Katie's face next. "If these friends of yours are going to raise hell like this, then they can go back to where they came from. I will not have them in my building."

Akane's anger retreated, Sayuri and Yuka's following.

Katie bowed her head far in apology. "I'm sorry; they're good people, I swear."

Akane, Sayuri, and Yuka bowed even deeper. "Please forgive us for our improper behavior!"

Anya set down her cane and leaned onto it. "Much better. Nice to know that some sensible decency still exists in this neighborhood."

Lum, still smarting from the insults, scowled at Akane and offered no apologies. Instead she stuck her tongue out at Akane and flew off to go recover her betrothed.

Nabiki, who did nothing wrong, stopped filming. "For a second there, I thought you were actually going to fight."

"Like there would be one," Akane snapped back with full confidence.

Nabiki agreed. "Oh yeah, what with her being able to fly and shoot electricity." Akane blanched and Nabiki smiled. "It's a rare thing in this town to realize how badly you almost played yourself."

"Ease up on her, now," Katie advised Nabiki before she nodded to Anya. "Thanks for intervening, we're all a bunch of hot-blooded bitches, so…"

Anya laughed. "It was nothing! Relax, I was a hot-blooded bitch too in my day."

"We only wanted to come out to do some karaoke," Yuka lamented.

Sayuri shook her head. "Yeah, then that weirdo barged in…"

Katie frowned. "You still want to do karaoke, right?"

"Of course!" Akane, Sayuri, and Yuka said as one.

Katie brightened and looked to Anya. "How about it, can they?"

Anya hummed for dramatic effect, before she gestured for them to follow her back into the apartment building. "да, come this way."

"Wait." Akane realized something. "Senpai, is the secret karaoke bar here where you live?"

Katie looked back and brought a finger to her lips to hush her, Sayuri, and Yuka. Passing through the security door and into the main lobby of the apartment, a cramped, stale, and bare floored room with only a stairwell directly ahead and two doors on either wall at the corner. Going to the room to the left, Anya smiled back at them and opened the door.

What awaited them was an entirely different room and atmosphere. A large bar lit with green, pink, purple, and blue neon lights greeted them. Across from the bar directly were arcade cabinets with customers sitting at them playing various games. Beyond the bar and the arcade were two dozen tables with almost half of them occupied, and just beyond that was a single stage where a group of middle-aged men were belting out karaoke for the crowd.

"Welcome to 'The Secret'," Anya greeted the girls as they beheld the lively and active karaoke bar. "A little place that only friends know of."

Nabiki stepped forward, a smile spreading across her lips. "Wow this is the swankiest karaoke bar I've ever seen."

"Look, there are private rooms and everything!" Yuka said when she saw a kiosk of room keys.

"Oh my gosh, it has a café, too!" Sayuri said excitedly.

Most of all, however, it was noisy and alive–everything that it wasn't from the dirty, dingy façade outside.

Akane looked to Anya. "Is… is the reason it's secret really because of the aliens?"

"No, it's a secret because everyone needs a place where they can be their true selves. What better place to be free of the expectations and burdens of society, than one that only you know?" Anya leaned on her cane and gestured to the spread with her free hand. "Even in this town, where we are free to do as we please."

Reaching into her pocket, she produced a handful of dull gold tokens, and handed them to Katie. "You may use any unoccupied private booth to have your fun. Drinks and food is on me tonight."

Katie nodded to Anya as she took the tokens.

"Thank you so much!" Akane said as she bowed to Anya. Sayuri and Yuka followed suit, while Nabiki merely tilted her head in a nod.

Anya noticed this, and smirked in Nabiki's direction, before patting Katie on the head. "It's nothing; I was quite surprised to hear that this black dog had made some friends worth bringing around here."

Chuckling, Katie put an arm around Akane's shoulders and led her to the private booths. "C'mon, I gotta show you my playlist."

As Nabiki brought up the rear, though, Anya called after her. "You there, bob-cut."

Turning around, Nabiki faced her. "Hm?"

"You don't bend much, do you?" Anya asked.

Nabiki tilted her head to emphasize her smarm. "I'm not the type."

Amused, Anya nodded. "Forgive my rudeness for the nickname. Tendo, да?"

"Nabiki," she introduced herself.

"Enjoy all the amenities my establishment can afford you," Anya said with a more respectful bow, "And do not hesitate to call if there's anything you need that it cannot get you."

Nodding again, Nabiki headed off to catch up with her sister and the others.

As Nabiki left, Anya went to sit at one of the tables and enjoy the drunk karaoke on the main stage, three middle aged men slurring their way through a song of roaring dreams.

Sitting down, she thought of the girls who had gone off to similarly sing their hearts to the world behind closed doors. Such interesting girls–with the courage to get in the face of gods, the strength to send men flying, and the nerve to merely tilt their head to kings.

"Hot-blooded bitches indeed," she said with an amused laugh, "There may be hope yet for this broken generation."

|To the Winner…|

This nightmare was never going to end.

The whole reason Ranma even went on this trip was so that he could test his skills honed through his incredible aptitude for the craft. What better place to go than the ancient and hallowed home of martial arts as the world popularly knows them? What better time than when the whole country is a seething powder keg of warlords, monsters, and magic? Up until the moment he was cursed to become a girl, Ranma was actually onboard with this trip.

Now he wasn't going to ask how it could get worse, because he knew that it was just going to.

Per the Jusenkyo Guide's advice, they had gone to the village of Nyuchiezu or Joketsuzoku or whatever to find a cure for their curses. When they got there, however, no one was around, because the whole town had dropped everything to watch the town's warriors–almost all of them women–slug it out for a feast fit for a champion.

A feast that Ranma and Genma both consumed the majority by the time the tournament's winner–a violet-haired curvy cutie named Xian Pu–finished mopping the floor with the entire bracket. She was understandably unhappy with it, but Ranma in all of his young wisdom had a foolproof plan: he would beat Xian Pu and then the food would be his anyway.

Aside from the protests of the Jusenkyo Guide, it was a perfect plan with no drawbacks.

"Keep in mind that this is still your fault!" Ranma whispered to his father as they hid in the hold of a boat transporting cargo down a river.

Genma grunted with a smug look on his dumb Panda face. As if one mistake a couple missteps by Ranma outweighed the utter catastrophe of decision making that was his father.

Ranma would punch him, but not making too much noise was important. "Of course you don't care, I'm the one she wants to kill."

Like panda father, like daughter son! Ranma's half-listening to their guide led to his being marked for death by Xian Pu after beating her–something having to do with village law regarding [i]female[/i] outsiders.

In the days since, the young warrior woman has been relentless,tracking and attacking Ranma on sight at every turn, leading to their current predicament: They had managed to lose her and sneak onto a boat heading to Shanghai. Though Ranma was confident that once they left Qinghai Province even that crazy girl would leave them be.

"Now I can't get cured until the heat dies down! What am I gonna do until then? I can't go out in public if all it takes are a few drops of water to turn me from a dude into a chick."

Genma shrugged his shoulders and raised a sign up. On it, it read, "I've been thinking we should scrub this training journey altogether and head back."

Ranma read it, and his eyes flew wide. "We are not leaving here until I'm cured!"

Genma flipped the sign around. "That girl's dead set on hunting you down, we may as well cut our losses and go back. We'll figure out something there."

"No, we can't," Ranma insisted, "The cure is back at Jusenkyo!"

Genma flipped the sign over again. "Oh, and you're fine with being attacked every step of the way by that madwoman?"

Ranma stopped and stared at the sign. "Wait, how are you doing that…?" He got in his father's face. "Over my dead body are we going back to Japan like this!"

With a quick swipe, Genma slapped his son-with-a-daughter's-body with the sign, and he went tumbling across the cargo hold with a bang loud enough to startle the helmsman at the wheelhouse of the boat.

Rubbing his face, Ranma got up and faced Genma, ready to hasten the extinction of the species he now represented.

"You…!" He snarled.

Genma flipped the sign around. "Oh, and what do you intend to do, fight that girl to the death?"

Ranma grimaced at the thought. When Xian Pu first came after him, following her vow of death, Ranma expected to swat her down again and be on his way. Turns out that fighting a girl after she spent hours fighting different opponents was entirely different from a girl with a good night's sleep and [i]killing intent. [/i]

"I'll think of something!" Ranma said.

Again, Genma twirled his sign. "Let's think of something from the safety of our home. I happen to know someone whose place we can crash at until we're sure the girl gives up."

"You're not listening!" Ranma shouted, surprising the helmsman of the ship again. "We might not be able to ever come back here! Then what?! You're perfectly fine being a panda, but I'm a guy! A freakin' guy! Do you have any idea how messed up having a body like this is?!"

The helmsman, now concerned that he had stowaways on his boat, reached for his radio to contact the Army. He stopped, however, when he saw something strange on the river in front of the boat.

Genma flipped his sign around. "You think I like being a Panda? All they do is eat, sleep, and shit."

"I don't see how that's any different from how you live, fatass," Ranma said, and he ducked the sign when Genma threw it at her.

Up on his feet, he began hopping from one to the other as Genma rose to his, assuming a fighting stance. "All right then, let's settle this right here! If I beat the crap out of you, we're finding a way back to Jusenkyo!"

Staring at the thing moving on the river, the helmsman's eyes widened when he realized it was a girl running across the water with her arms held out and behind her. As he began to make out her violet hair and particular style of clothes, the helmsman flew into a panic when he realized it was a warrior from Nyucheizu skimming across the water towards his boat like an anti-ship missile.

Genma produced another sign, bewildering Ranma about where he was getting them. On it, it said: "And when I beat you into the keel of this boat, we're going back to Japan!"

Incensed, Ranma stopped bouncing and got ready to fight. "Come at me, Po!"

At that precise moment, Xian Pu reached the side of the boat, ran up its hull and sprang into the air above it. Hanging in the air, she raised the weapon she carried–a massive hammer–and swung it to spin down towards the boat. Coming down, she used the spin to slam the hammer down on the boat square amidships.

Hundreds of yards away, on the shore of the river, a large black wolf raised its head and looked out towards the boat it had been trailing for some time now–just in time to see it break in two as a huge geyser rose from its middle.

A/N: Welcome to the Zone, STALKER. Sensei is a story I am at times glad for and also embarrassed to think about in hindsight. That's why it is getting a whole ass reboot firmly within the confines of Senpai as opposed to a sidestory. Too much is too important for it to be spun off, which means we're stuck with our "hero" Moroboshi Ataru.