Disclaimer: The following is a fan-written fiction, the views and opinions in this story are not intended to be viewed as those of the author. Ranma 1/2, Urusei Yatsura, Inuyasha, and Five Pound Gospel are the creations of Rumiko Takahashi, property of their respective rights holders and publishers. Please support the official releases.

CW: This story will contain violence, strong language, sexual humor and situations, drug use, Moroboshi Ataru, and Happosai. You've been warned.

|The Bento Boxer Rebellion|

"Damn Kaori, how many preferred customers do you have?" Katie said aloud. Though they were only second in line, this was after waiting in a queue that went halfway down the block from the front of 'Ucchan's' okonomiyaki stand.

"Seems like a busy day… really busy," Akane mused aloud. "At least the line's moving pretty fast."

"It's so uncool," Katie lamented, though this was on her. She had entirely forgotten to take into account a queue when making up her timetable and now here they were. That wasn't the only thing bothering her. There was a foul note to the air, a hint of something dark and foreboding happening nearby, and it was making the hairs on the back of her neck rise.

"If the line's this long, the food must be good," Akane pointed out.

"Yeah, but shit's like waiting in line at a brand new In-N-Out on 4/20," her tall senpai muttered back.

The meaning of the place and time both passed right over the head of the youngest Tendo. "What's so important about 4/20? Do they have a sale on that day?"

Katie's cheeks colored and she looked aside, speaking with her voice a little lower. "… Nah, more like the demand is higher…"

She changed the subject. "So what's up with your training?"

"Well, you know how I got into all that trouble with Kuno because I tried for the Kendo Club, right?" Katie nodded. "Well, I've been thinking about going back to it but… you know… the Kendo Club's all zombies now and I don't think there are girls who want to take part."

Katie tapped a finger on her cheek and hummed. "Sword stuff isn't really my game. I mean, I've practiced some kenjutsu and junk when I was super little, but that was more so I could be at least competent at holding one."

She looked around. "You could always ask around other places. There are still kendo schools here in SAD town, right?"

"Only in Taian… and they all have beef with my dad…"

Katie lit up. "Whoa, dojo drama? Really? What'd your dad do to piss them off?"

"I don't know. Most schools are really unfriendly to Indiscriminate Grappling." She closed her eyes and spoke like she was in front of a teacher, explaining why she was late. "Daddy says that it all happened in the past, there's nothing that can fix it, and he hates talking about it."

Katie folded her arms. "Huh… your dad seems way too chill to be caught up in stuff like that. Kinda like mine."

Akane opened her eyes to roll them. "Oh no, he can be so dramatic."

The line crept up some as a customer walked away with their large order and Katie let out the softest contemplative hum as she and Akane finally stepped up to Ucchan's stand. The eponymous Ucchan stood there, a handsome, slender young man with long chestnut-brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, wearing a white shirt, and black slacks along with a black apron. Curiously, he had a large spatula strapped to his back, and his apron was covered in small okonomiyaki spatulas.

"We can finally order," Akane said before she breathed it all in. "And it smells delicious."

"Tell me about it, today's been a sensory feast," Katie said as she looked at Ucchan specifically. "Tell me, is it always this busy 'round these parts?"

Ucchan smiled big. "Can you believe the Lunch Rush ain't even started yet?"

"I can believe it; I just hope there's still some back there left for me." Katie pulled out her phone and showed him the selfie Kaori took of them. "I'm hoping this is good for something."

"Ah, one of Kaori-chan's preferred customers, huh?" Ucchan said, looking it over for himself. "You're darn tootin' it's good for something! Pick yourself two okonomiyaki then give me the price of one."

Katie rubbed her chin, but all the toppings and combinations offered were going over her head. She asked Akane, "Hey, have you got any suggestions for an okonomiyaki newbie?"

"This place doesn't hold back on the extra bells and whistles." Akane said as she scanned the menu. "Pick what sounds good in your head, it's literally 'how you like it.'"

"Oh right." Katie forgot little turns of phrases like okonomi at times, despite her good grasp of Japanese. "Let me get pork and shrimp, with lots of hot sauce and then beef with a fried egg with the curry sauce."

"Coming right up." Ucchan replied. "The pork and shrimp will be 285 yen and the beef is 305, pay for whichever one you want and the other's free."

"That's awfully generous," Katie said, as she went to grab her wallet.

"Hey, Kaori-chan went through all the trouble of recommending you and you risked your pretty behind coming over to Tomobiki," Ucchan explained, as he started mixing the batter. "I'm not letting you leave empty handed."

Katie paid the bill. "So you know about Moroboshi Ataru, Hero of Mankind."

"I wasn't born under a rock yesterday; I knew full well what I was gettin' into coming to live here." Ucchan poured the prepared batter onto the smoking hot skillet, then with hands so fast Akane and Katie could barely track them he cut and shaped the batter into two rounds with a spatula in each hand. "But you know how it is with opportunities, you can't go a-passing them up when they come a-knockin'… "

While Katie agreed, she and Akane could not take their eyes off Ucchan's deft movements. "Dang, lunch and a show. How long have y'all been at this?"

Ucchan looked up, his hands not missing a beat. "Learnin' how to cook is practically my first memory!"

While her senpai was preoccupied with Ucchan's fast hands. Akane noticed a pair of boys galloping around a nearby corner. Seeing the stand and the queue, they staggered to a halt at the end of the line, huffing and puffing like they'd just ran a marathon. They were both Tomobiki students, one average height and slim, freckle-faced with brown hair, and the other tall, more strongly built, and with the bushiest eyebrows she'd ever seen.

So comfortable Akane was seeing boys drift in the wind, she'd almost forgotten what functional young men looked like.

"Whew…" The freckle-faced young man breathed. "That was close."

He turned to the bushy-browed young man and clenched his hand into a fist. "I can't believe the teachers would stoop to something like this. We're just trying to eat lunch!"

The eyes of the bushy browed young man were intense as he regained his composure. "What's important is that the coast is clear, and we can eat in peace."

That same intensity was gone in an instant, when he turned to his friend with a pleading smile. "Say… can you spot me for lunch? I gave my allowance to my girlfriend."

Freckle-face glared up at his friend. "You're lucky I use you for shade."

Ucchan looked up from turning over Katie's Okonomiyaki as Akane turned to the two, none having missed their exchange. "What's going on?"

Both turned to her, and Freckle Face's mouth fell open upon seeing Akane. He straightened his back and squared his shoulders. "O-oh! Uh… our school's cracking down on people going off campus for lunch. We just barely escaped a taiyaki stand just up the road."

Ucchan blanched. "What?!"

Akane frowned. "Really? They're giving you crap about only that? Aren't you guys from Tomobiki?"

Both boys nodded, with Freckle-Face standing taller in vain next to his friend. "I'm Shirai Kōsuke by the way. And tall, dark, and handsome is Hokuto–we're single, and looking!"

Hokuto glanced down at him. "I have a girlfriend-"

Akane's expression went flat. "Definitely from Tomobiki."

"You guys ain't my type, in advance," Katie said, then looked at Hokuto again. "Okay, you are but-"

"Girlfriend," Hokuto cut her off.

Katie nodded. "Noted."

Kōsuke raised his hands in protest. "Hey, whatever you heard, we're not all like that! It's just Moroboshi and Mendō!"

"And I have a girlfriend," Hokuto repeated.

"We both just want one girlfriend each and to respect her, her feelings, and her independence as a human being!"

Hokuto palmed his face. "Oh for fuck's sake."

Katie looked aside, biting down on her snicker.

Akane had her fill of carnage days ago, so she just rolled her eyes and turned away from them. "Whatever, sorry that your school's going after you."

Hokuto lowered his hand. "We've been doing it since our first year, it's annoying that they'd start with it now."

"Ain't gonna lie to you, it's messed up," Katie commiserated.

Kōsuke dropped all pretense of being cool in front of girls for righteous indignation. "It's an injustice, I say! We've not only been on our best behavior, but we've been dutifully giving our hard-earned money back to the community!" He shouted to the sky.

Ucchan, a member of that community, naturally agreed. "Yer darn right it's an injustice, you guys are paying for my brick and mortar."

He looked down at the griddle, and quickly snapped up the two finished Okonomiyaki onto a pair of thick paper plates. "On that note, this one here's done."

Switching out his spatulas for bottles of sauces, he dolled both up as requested and threw in some extra mayonnaise, before handing them over to Katie. "Here ya go, hon."

Taking the plates Katie brought the pork and shrimp okonomiyaki to her nose and breathed in the still sizzling street fare. "Oh my gosh."

She held the plate to Akane, who closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, like Katie the mixing aromas of cooked cabbage, dashi, nagaimo, pork belly and shrimp danced a waltz on her senses, and her mouth watered. "That smells amazing. If Kasumi didn't put so much work into my bento, I'd order some, too."

Ucchan nodded to her. "Well, if you've got the cash, I'm sure whatever box lunch can wait for later." He winked. "It'll be our little secret."

Before Akane could push down her fluster at how handsome Ucchan was and consider the offer, three adult men came around the same corner that Kōsuke and Hokuto had emerged from. One of them looked like a middle-aged schoolteacher, wearing a shirt and tie and glasses. The other two, to the concern of the girls and Ucchan, were dressed as bodyguards for a VIP–black suits, black ties, and black sunglasses.

"All right you punks!" The teacher said, pointing at them both. "You're coming back to the school quietly!"

Kōsuke turned to Hokuto. "Cheese it!"

Hokuto was already gone, running full tilt down the street while yelling like a scarlet macaw that knew kung fu. Kōsuke's mouth fell open and he roared out a "YOU BASTARD!" before jumping clear of the lunging men-in-black and following in Hokuto's direction.

Ucchan was having none of that. "Hey! Don't drive off my customers, assholes! That's an easy 1200 yen running away!"

The teacher turned to him. "You stay out of this–"

He stopped and looked Ucchan over. "Wait, aren't you a student, too?!"

"I'm a dropout!" Ucchan shouted back.

The teacher wasn't having any of that. "It's because of quitters like you that delinquents like them run wild! How about taking some responsibility and sending them back to school instead of enabling them!"

"Do I look like someone who gives half a crap about your Salaryman Factory?!" Ucchan shot back. "Now buzz off, I'm trying to do a real job like a grown-ass adult!"

Katie, who could've just minded her own business and stuck to eating her okonomiyaki in peace, turned to the teacher and chimed in with her mouth half-full because she was too American not to. "Ain't for nothin', but y'all didn't have a problem with it 'til today and that means it's all on you, so die mad about it."

The teacher turned on Katie, and Akane's martial arts danger senses flew off the charts. "Who do you think you are?" He stopped and looked at the uniforms of both girls. "Furinkan students?! What are you kids doing so far from your school?!"

Katie held up her Okonomiyaki to indicate it, nodded to Ucchan's stand, and shrugged her shoulders to question the teacher's intelligence. Message received, the teacher turned red in the face and his nostrils flared like a bull taunted by the cape.

"Is that how it's going to be?!" The teacher stomped up towards Katie, his hand going up to smack her tray of Okonomiyaki out of her hand. "You kids should learn some respect-!"

Katie raised her tray above the path of his hand and caught his wrist with her free hand. Holding her shrimp and pork Okonomiyaki in her mouth, she glared straight into the teacher's eyes as the pain from her clamp-like grip made the teacher freeze.

"You ain't my teacher, we ain't your students. Take one more step towards me, my friend, or my food, and you'll need crutches to walk after that," she promised.

Akane looked back and forth between Katie and the teacher, her eyebrows raised. Is she actually going to do it?

Both men-in-black, undaunted by Katie's threat, quickly moved on her to separate her from the teacher, one of them–coming from her right–even going as far as to say. "You'd better let go or-"

He didn't get to finish his thought; as soon as he was within range, Katie lifted her right leg and drove it into his crotch with enough force that Ucchan heard the thump over the sound of his grill still going. The man in black sank to his knees, gripping his crotch with both hands, his mouth hanging open and letting out a sound that only dogs could hear and begin barking for mercy from.

The teacher had only an instant to look at the downed Black Sunglasses man, before he was whipped off his feet and swung into the second man, and both crashed to the sidewalk. Wiping her hand off on the smock of her aquamarine dirndl, Katie stuffed the remainder of her Okonomiyaki in her mouth to chew and swallow it.

"Mmm… mph… mm…" She swallowed the last of it then turned to Ucchan. "That's good as hell; how 'bout packin' up shop and comin' over to Furinkan from now on?"

Ucchan looked down at the three men sprawled around his stand. "Gonna be real witcha, I'm almost sold on the idea."

Akane turned to him. "It can't be worse than this."

The teacher, face down on the pavement, lifted his head up and brought up a walkie-talkie to his lips. "I need backup at Ucchan's Okonomiyaki! We got students from other schools assaulting teachers."

A voice, Onsen Mark's, replied. "What's going on?"

"I've been attacked by students from Furinkan… send help!"

"What? Furinkan?!" Onsen Mark demanded.

Another voice, that of the Principal's, then spoke. "Reinforcements are en route to Ucchan's."

"W-wait! Belay that-!" Onsen Mark frantically shouted before being cut off.

Katie, Akane, and Ucchan all looked at the teacher, then one another before a gray and blue van, perhaps belonging to a teacher who did deliveries as a side hustle, suddenly pulled into the intersection and screeched to a halt with such force that it came off its rear tires for a moment. The door facing Ucchan's Okonomiyaki opened, and almost a dozen more Black Sunglasses poured out of the vehicle and spread into a semi-circle around the Okonomiyaki stand.

Katie took a bite of her other Okonomiyaki, as Akane entered a fighting stance and reiterated. "It really can't."

Ucchan, his expression fallen, shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, consider this my last day in Tomobiki."

The teacher was helped up by two of the Black Sunglasses, and he pointed at him and the girls. "You're darn right this is your last day in Tomobiki! You're going to learn the hard way what happens to delinquents!"

Katie took another bite of her okonomiyaki. "Y'all have until I finish this here delicious snack before y'all start learnin' some hard lessons about messing with people just goin' about their business."

Akane set down her bento, cracked her knuckles, and began walking towards the teacher and his goons. "They don't have to wait."

At her kouhai's insistence, Katie chewed slower. "All right, I'll leave it to you."

The teacher sneered at Akane. "You're making a big mistake-"

She stomped on the pavement, cracking it beneath her foot, and it was at this moment that the teacher knew. "Oh no."

He fucked up.

Akane broke into a full-on charge, her brown eyes filled with a murderous fire glaring into his as he scrambled back waving his arms in frantic fashion. "NONONONONO-!"

00000

Just up the street, at the school itself, posh tents were set up in the school's courtyard, underneath which female students were seated around circular tables, being served by handsome young men and well-dressed women. Soft classical music was provided by a small band of string instruments, a piano, and a woman crooning an aria. The party was well-guarded by more of the men-in-black that had been plaguing the Tomobiki neighborhood, and among them Onsen Mark paced nervously.

"Principal," he said into his walkie-talkie. "The operation did not call for involving other schools' students!"

"Students assaulting teachers will not be tolerated, especially students from other schools assaulting our teachers," the Principal replied.

Onsen Mark grimaced. "Teachers from our school should be just leaving other schools' students be. Especially Furinkan students! And doubly so if they're young women!"

He knew, after all, what risk that entailed.

There was an odd pause, but Onsen Mark could almost hear the Principal humming as he pondered that. "Is the school not one of young women, now?"

"It is!" Onsen Mark shouted. "But that's precisely the point, if there are Furinkan Students here in Tomobiki, then there's a good chance that Moroboshi will run into them and-"

He heard the front doors of the school open with a bang, and turned to see Ataru run outside, followed by Lum, Shinobu, and Ryūnosuke. On sight, he grimaced and shouted to the men-in-black. "Hey! You dogs of Mendō! Moroboshi's gotten out of the school!"

Seeing the tents and the lively luncheon going on, Ataru stopped and goggled at the sight of so many girls. "Wow! Mendō really won them all over with this!"

Lum side-eyed him. "Darling, come on."

Before he could sass her back, his line of sight was instantly blocked by the black-suited guards, and his face fell. "Mendō's Black Sunglasses? Really?"

Onsen Mark pushed himself up to the front of the blockade. "Moroboshi!"

Ataru clapped his hands together with false glee. "Sensei! I was wondering where you'd been all day! I was starting to miss you!"

Onsen Mark pointed back towards the doors he came out of. "March right back into school, students are forbidden from leaving the grounds at any time during the day!"

Shinobu protested that. "But we go out for lunch all the time, why is it a problem now?"

The girls enjoying their delicious food and elegant atmosphere turned towards the confrontation, and murmurs arose as Onsen Mark answered Shinobu's question.

"It's because you kids think you can just flout the rules and do whatever. It is a teacher's duty not only to teach, but to discipline!"

Ryūnosuke raised her hand. "Hey, teach? Why not tell anyone that leaving for lunch is banned?"

"It's always been banned!" Onsen Mark snapped back.

"It has?" Lum asked.

Shinobu thought about it. "I think? It wasn't as common before they walled off Nerima…"

"Exactly!" The teacher cut in. "Ever since the wall came up, you've all gotten lax. Things may be different, but rules and order are still needed for you to be contributing members of society!"

Ataru weighed on that. "Okay, then why didn't you enforce the rules?"

"We are enforcing them!"

Ataru shrugged his shoulders. "All right then, this is on you, not us."

"YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON WHO CAN SAY THAT!" Onsen Mark roared at him.

Ataru actually agreed, before turning to Ryūnosuke. "Mind setting this one off?"

Ryūnosuke stared at him, uncomprehending. "What?"

"They'll listen to you, not me." He gestured to the girls now raptly watching. "They know what I'm all about."

While it was true, Ryūnosuke still scowled at him. "I don't like that implication, but whatever."

She put her hands to her mouth and shouted. "HEY! THIS IS ALL A CON! THEY'RE TRYING TO BAN US FROM GOING OUT FOR LUNCH!"

Onsen Mark paled, as the shout carried across the luncheon, and slowly looked back to see many shocked girls gasping as they realized the implication of Mendō's banquet. The shock turned into a quickly growing anger, as one girl stood.

"Mendō tried to trick us!"

Another girl got up. "Captain Natsuko was right!"

A third girl jumped up and slammed a plate on the ground. "This food sucks, anyway! I don't want foie gras, I want ramen!"

Ryūnosuke thrust a fist into the air. "Then we must fight! For our right! To Ramen!"

All at once, the vast majority of the female students enjoying lunch bolted, easily mowing down the Black Sunglasses men in their way and making for the gate. Watching them run, Onsen Mark turned to one of the Black Sunglasses closest to him. "H-Hey! Don't just stand there, round them up before they all escape!"

The Black Sunglasses turned to Onsen Mark. "With all due respect, sir. We were instructed by Mendō-sama to not lay a hand on any female students."

Onsen Mark's shoulders dropped. "What."

Ataru took his distraction as an opportunity to run up and leapfrog over his teacher's head, knocking him off balance. As Onsen Mark flailed to not fall over, he looked back and shouted. "That's what you get for sourcing out to an idiot like Mendō!"

Onsen Mark caught himself, only to flail again as Lum flew right past his face. Ryūnosuke ducked under one of his arms to run past him, and Shinobu finally body-checked him to the ground as she brought up the rear. "Oof!"

Having finished his speech and realized everyone had left, Mendō finally caught up and saw the students pouring out of the school. His left eye twitched. "Wh-what happened?!"

Pushing himself up, Onsen Mark turned to look back at Mendō, fury burning in his face. "What do you think, idiot?! What did you do?! How did you let Moroboshi get wind of this?!"

Rather than admit any defeat to Ataru, Mendō adjusted his jacket's collar and bowed his head. "The bastard had been listening in on our meeting and was prepared all along."

As a Black Sunglasses man handed him a new wooden sword, he looked up with a new determination. "We must move with haste to end this rebellion."

Onsen Mark could not agree more and brought up his walkie-talkie. "Principal, containment has been broken! The students Mendō lured to lunch have gone off the grounds."

"Regrettable," the Principal replied. "To all of you, I implore you to do your best. Even if you must battle in the streets."

That threw Onsen Mark off. "B-Battle?!"

It cannot be helped." Mendō said as he walked past him and stopped to watch the throngs of fleeing students. He looked over his shoulder and down at the teacher. "Are you going to turn down the opportunity to discipline Moroboshi properly?"

Getting up, Onsen Mark adjusted his suit and tie. Mendō was right, and moreover… the longer this went, the worse it could only get. "I won't. Let's hurry, Mendō-kun!"

He called to the Black Sunglasses. "Come on, you bastards! Do you want to live forever?!"

As they all headed off through the gate, they were watched from the principal's office. A pair of wolf-like green eyes glinted in the light passing through the slits of the blinds, their owner pulling into an amused smirk as he pulled away from the window.

"Amazing, I heard all the stories about Moroboshi, but I didn't think it'd be this wild."

The same light gleamed off the principal's head as he looked down at a tablet laid out on his desk, an image of Tomobiki Neighborhood and its surroundings as seen through the eyes of a drone. It zoomed onto the street closest to the school, and caught Ataru, Lum, Shinobu, and Ryūnosuke emerging at the front of the mob.

Pulling back, but not too far, it caught sight of many other students running from teachers and the Black Sunglasses, slipping into alleys to evade them, or gathering wherever they thought there was respite even as teachers backed by more of Mendō's goons closed in. It was, all in all, a mess.

The principal was long used to this. He turned towards the man who stood by the window, the bright light filtering through casting him in silhouette.

"At the very least," he admitted, "It's gotten everyone out of the school and getting some exercise."

His guest's smile was almost as bright as the light behind him. "I like you, Principal, you're an optimist."

"Now…" The principal said as he adjusted his glasses. "What about this impropriety you've discovered?"

A/N: It's just not an Urusei Yatsura story without absolute mayhem. Something it did much better than Ranma.