Disclaimer: The following is a fan-written fiction, the views and opinions in this story are not intended to be viewed as those of the author. Ranma 1/2, Urusei Yatsura, Inuyasha, and Five Pound Gospel are the creations of Rumiko Takahashi, property of their respective rights holders and publishers. Please support the official releases.

CW: This story will contain violence, strong language, sexual humor and situations, drug use, Moroboshi Ataru, and Happosai. You've been warned.

|Cooking Misery|

As requested, Okamada Kamoyo gathered the High School's faculty for an emergency assembly for all employed. Despite his own half-hearted misgivings to Kodachi, they gathered–though, there was no small amount of confusion or misgiving among the murmuring crowd of adults.

One teacher, on the younger side of middle-aged, with more than a few lines on his face offset by smooth, slicked-back hair so filled with vigor that it absorbed the gymnasium lights rather than shined under it. "What do you suppose is going on? Calling us in on a holiday like this…"

A bespectacled middle-aged woman turned to him. Plainly dressed, with her pale violet hair done up in a bun, she wasn't much to look at, but not as unforgettable as some other staff. "If he had something to say he could've done it yesterday! Classes have basically been canceled for a few days now, if you have more boys than girls in class!"

The black-haired teacher gave his female counterpart a harder look at that.

A red-haired male teacher, who was probably among the youngest teachers there but still old enough to be a parent to the first years, spoke up. "I wonder if it's a meeting about what we're going to do to snap the boys out of their collective stupor."

The glasses-wearing teacher pouted. "Do we have to? It's been so peaceful!"

"I'm inclined to agree," the dark-haired teacher chimed in. "Aside from the Shining Killers trying to come back, this is the most peace Furinkan High School has known since I started working here."

Bringing a hand up to adjust her glasses, the woman smirked. "No delinquents, no loud and unruly boys causing mischief, and best of all? No more Kunos to make an already crappy job even more of a pain!"

The milling about and murmuring went on like this throughout the crowd, until Tendo Nabiki, a stack of folders in hands, stepped from behind the curtain closed on the gymnasium's stage. Stepping off it, she walked over to the table set up between it and the teachers, placed the folders down on it, took a seat, and folded her hands in front of her.

Furinkan High School's teachers and staff stared at her in confused silence.

Nabiki met their stares with a smile on her face and malice in her heart. Oh man, I'm going to enjoy this so much.

The redhead called over to Nabiki. "Oi, Tendo, what is this all about? Shouldn't you be home with the rest of the kids?"

"Oh no," she replied, "I'm here to help conduct the performance review that you've all been asked to attend. Nice of you all to finally show up, by the way."

Uneasiness and worry joined the atmosphere, as murmurs began to build. Performance review? Under whose direction? Okamada's? Why was Tendo Nabiki helping to conduct it? Was this a prank? These questions and others rolled across the crowd like waves, before the vantablack-haired teacher stepped up, looking at her with incredulous skepticism.

"You?" He asked, as Nabiki eyed him back and began to sort through folders.

"That's right, me. Taking recent events into consideration, you all have been caught lacking, so it has been decided that we will determine who doesn't need to be here anymore," she replied.

The redhead teacher looked down at Nabiki like he had suddenly seen an insect crawl from a pile of dog shit. "… Screw that; who do you think you are, pulling this stunt?"

Unease and wariness turned into indignation and hurt feelings on the spot, as many teachers began grumbling, all affronted by the cheek of this girl.

Nabiki honestly loved it. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger. I'm only here doing the job that was asked of me–something you all should be thinking about."

She looked aside, as she added out the corner of her mouth. "Especially since I'm not getting paid as much as you."

"Tendo! If this is your idea of a joke, then you're crossing too many lines!" The black-haired teacher warned her.

The violet-haired teacher huffed and adjusted her glasses as she put on a nasty smirk. "Hmph! Of all the people to cause a scene… it would be the girl that Kuno-kun knew best–if you catch my meaning."

Nabiki went still in her seat with that little barb, her right eyebrow shooting up as she looked at that teacher in particular. Other teachers began chuckling as well, showing all the maturity and tact of the very students they taught.

If she weren't being paid to play her role, she'd be laughing her butt off at the very idea.

"Okay, let's be adults, here," she said, and earned more scoffing from the masses. "This meeting is not mandatory and you're free to leave at any time, I will not stop you. Honestly? I don't want to."

Immediately, several teachers turned towards the door, the cocky redhead voicing their thoughts perfectly. "Welp! Thanks for completely wasting our time, then. Go home and enjoy your half day off."

It was Kodachi's voice who called back.

"Of course, if you leave this meeting–then Furinkan High School accepts your resignation from your position, and that will be that."

The room went silent and teachers looked around in surprise as rose petals–black like the night–began drifting from the ceiling like cherry blossoms at the start of spring.

"What on Earth?" The bespectacled female teacher asked. "Rose petals?"

As confusion grew, the black-haired teacher reached up to catch one of the petals and stared at it… before his eyes widened in recognition. "Oh… oh no…"

He looked up, all the teachers looked, their gazes rising to the source of the petal-fall, they found Kodachi standing in the steel rafters, looking down upon them with the satisfaction of a hunter cornering her prey.

Bringing the back of her hand to her lips, she laughed.

"OHHHOHOHOHO!"

Kodachi's piercing, condescending cackle boomed across the gymnasium, before the young woman leaped from the rafters and began to fall. Gasps and cries of shock rose as Kodachi fell towards the polished wooden floor below. Instead of crashing down onto it in a broken heap, she twisted her body and spun into several tight flips before she came down in a crouch.

The force of her landing kicked up the rose petals that had already fallen to the floor into a rolling wave that spread from her and danced with the other still airborne petals.

Silence once more fell as Kodachi rose to full height in front of the table. Behind her, Nabiki sat impressed by the sheer force of her entrance. The teachers were struck by that very same force, and further cowed by the cutting glare Kodachi swept over them, her presence overpowering everything in the room.

"To those of you who are confused, let me make it so there's no uncertainty: I am Kuno Kodachi, and you are here because I command it."

The redheaded teacher who'd been so smug looked like his heart dropped through his stomach and out his ass in fear. "… K-Kuno?!"

A burst of yammering followed.

"Kodachi?" A teacher asked in confusion.

Another answered them. "Tatewaki's sister, but I thought she went to St. Hebereke!"

"What is she doing here?!" Yet another teacher yelped.

"Come on, we were done with their whole family…!" One in the middle of the crowd cried in despair.

Kodachi basked in the confusion and worry spreading about her, her lips pulled into a cruel smirk.

Nabiki was more than happy to underline and circle it. "I'm sure a lot of you know what that means, but just in case you're lagging behind the class–she's the one who cuts your paychecks."

Kodachi stepped back and pulled herself up onto the desk to sit on it beside Nabiki and hooked one leg over the other with the poise and elegance expected of a lady of her standing. "And I must wonder why I even pay you. "Do you honestly believe that you…"

She swept the teachers with a look that chilled them all to the bone. The contact with mad furor in Kodachi's eyes striking like an eldritch horror. "… That any of you can stand before me convinced that you are teachers at all?"

After a few moments, the black-haired teacher finally found his indignation. "You're joking! You're students! The two of you are not going to stand here and threaten our jobs!"

"You're right, that's why we're sitting down," Nabiki unhelpfully agreed, before looking at Kodachi. "That, by the way, is Takeshi Mamoru-sensei. He is a chemistry teacher, and his homeroom is 3-F."

Kodachi looked at her. "Do tell me about him."

Rifling through the folders, she quickly pulled out one with and opened it. "He's worked here for eight years…"

Her eyebrows rose when she checked the paper again. "Graduated from Tokyo University? Dang. Goes to show he knows his staff, the students he teaches have generally higher marks than national average, but most do poorly on national exams. He's divorced due to infidelity on his wife's part and has no kids."

"… I see!" Kodachi murmured.

Takeshi-sensei recoiled as Nabiki read his file out loud. "H-how do you have that information…?"

Kodachi looked at him. "I requested it. This school is an asset of my family's, after all, and with the position as head of House Kuno fallen to me–I am taking stock."

Then like she had never even spoken to him, she turned to Nabiki and asked, "What do his students think of him?"

"Third year students have a higher opinion of him than first years; overall though, he's not well-liked," Nabiki replied.

"Ah, so he is a passable educator at least," Kodachi said. "Very well, he can keep his job."

Takeshi-sensei sputtered, losing any words he could say after that. The atmosphere changed sharply as worry, shock, and more than a few whispered obscenities made their rounds in the crowd. Kodachi narrowed her eyes as the violet teacher who swiped at Nabiki stepped up.

"This isn't fair! You didn't even give us time to really prepare," the teacher protested.

Kodachi let out a laugh. "Ohohoho… think of this as… what do they in the west… a 'Pop Quiz' if that makes you feel better."

Nabiki's fingers fluttered through the papers as she spoke. "Mishima Reiko, Japanese Lit and Homeroom of 2-F. Married, one child and husband who live outside of the SAD. She's one of the best teachers here on the national level despite most of her classes having lower than average grades."

Kodachi's eyebrow quirked a little. "Low grades, but good tests?"

"Japan Lit is basically a filler class, you're in this class to either salvage a grade or puff up your marks to look attractive to college," Nabiki further ran it down.

Kodachi hummed. "That's an attitude I already despise. Then there was her inference that you and my brother were some sort of item?"

"Right?" Nabiki asked. "I'd fire her for that. Not because I'm petty or vindictive, but because that's slander."

Kodachi agreed. "Quite." She looked at the teacher. "Mishima-sensei, you are fired. Go to the office, collect your final paycheck and leave."

The teacher hesitated where she stood, flabbergasted by the summary dismissal. "… What? You… just like that?"

Kodachi nodded. "Mm. You may leave."

Mishima-sensei sputtered, then laughed. "Oh, this is a joke! You can't make me leave…!"

"You can stay if you want, but you will not be paid," the new transferee replied. "And while I may be strict, I am not a slave owner."

She met the protesting teacher with a much different look, one filled with a darkness that bore no humor and a contempt that quickly overwhelmed the woman and robbed her of her voice.

"Leave. Or I will remove you by force."

Without a word, not even producing a whimper, Mishima-sensei lowered her head and turned. Not meeting any gazes, she scurried off to the doors of the gymnasium and crept through them–never to be seen again at the school. With her departure, the finality of what was happening took the fear factor of this meeting up to an even greater level than before.

"Is this what passes for a teacher at this school," Kodachi asked, reclaiming their attention, "People who can openly express their contempt for their students without consequence? I ask you again: how can any of you stand before me convinced that you are teachers at all?"

There was no answer, just dumbstruck, fearful looks, so Kodachi continued. "For three days, a female student was repeatedly attacked by her male peers. Dozens of them. They had been threatened with harm by my brother to not interact with her, unless they defeated her in combat."

Once more she swept the room, her eyes burning with black flame as she asked. "Who among you has the courage to explain to me, why none of you acted on that girl's behalf?"

Nabiki offered her hand. "The floor's yours, folks. Let's hear it."

A grizzled old man with a bushy mustache as stark gray as his hair stepped up. He wore a dark colored hat, a blue shirt, and tan pants in a style not like any teacher. The old man looked more like one of the custodial faculty than a teacher, and Nabiki didn't immediately find any name to go with his face.

"I'll tell you why," the old man groused. "Because these cowards didn't want to step on Tatewaki's toes!" At Kodachi's imploring look, the man introduced himself. "Kobayakawa Toramasa is the name. I'm no teacher, I run the school's commissary!"

That surprised Nabiki. "Huh… I heard we had one, but it's open?"

"It's always!" Toramasa shouted at her. "You kids don't bother with it, because that dumbass Principal liked to spread rumors about it, so no one goes there!"

Nabiki blinked as she processed that. "Oh yeah… I remember Kasumi saying there were stories." Aside she muttered. "Oh crap, that whole thing yesterday could've been avoided."

"As I was saying," Toramasa continued, "While the idiot prince could never open his mouth and say it himself, there was heavy implication for the faculty to not get in his way."

Nabiki's eyebrows rose. "Implication… wait…"

Kodachi's eyes narrowed, and the smirk on her lips joined the malice in her eyes. "Ohohohoho… oh my… Kobayakawa-san… you have just enlightened me."

She looked to the back of the gymnasium.

"Okamada-sensei, care to explain yourself?"

And suddenly relief swept through the teachers like a scythe through wheat. As one, all looked to the back of the gymnasium at the Vice Principal, who stood at the back wall with all the appearance of a man facing a firing squad. He was stone still, with a slight sheen of sweat forming on his paling face. The old man could see it in the eyes of the faculty as they sized him up like a piece of meat.

Goat meat.

Nabiki started laughing next. "Oh… oh crap… that's right…!"

She looked at Kodachi. "Your brother's a buffoon, but he was never the kind of guy to go up to a teacher and twist their freaking arm so he could get what he wanted."

Toramasa smirked as he looked back at Okamada, the smirk of a man with a grudge to bear.

"If I had to describe how his antics were handled… kid's gloves," Nabiki said, her humor laced with fury as the last several days came back to haunt the Vice-Principal. "Nah, toddler mittens."

Kodachi's stare could burn a hole in the wall behind Okamada, without harming the man. With the deliberation of a cobra rearing, she slipped from the desk, her hands coming from it as she stood to her full height.

"Well?" She said, her voice firm and laced with poisons. "I am waiting."

Okamada-sensei reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a handkerchief that he used to dab his forehead. Slowly bringing it down his right temple, he stopped at his cheekbone and let out a shaking sigh.

"Tat… Kuno-kun is… was… the strongest student that Furinkan Academy had known for a long time. With his arrival, these halls have known peace unlike any other, with the expulsion of the many delinquents who once prowled the halls. To keep him here despite his mannerisms was to keep the school safe and the students free of distraction from the unsavory elements that once plagued it."

Okamada lowered the handkerchief from his face. "To remove him from this school would only invite calamity to it. Since that day, we have already seen the beginning of the end of Furinkan's peace."

As he spoke, whatever tension the revelation filled Kodachi with drained out of her before another silky laugh left her throat.

"Ohohoho… ah…" She closed her deadly beautiful eyes as she heaved the sigh. "Thank you so much, Kobayakawa-san. And thank you, Okamada-sensei, for explaining why my brother was allowed to do whatever he pleased. He was this school's protector, its champion… and he made it more peaceful than it had ever been, you say?"

She turned back to the gymnasium's stage where her and Nabiki's desk had been set up in front of. With a clap of her hands, she signaled for the curtains pulled around it to be drawn… revealing a roped off corral filled with dozens of the school's male students. The young men either milled about aimlessly or sat on the ground with their knees drawn to their chests, all of them bearing the same dull pallor and an increased gauntness from their initial destruction at Akane's words. Some just lay on the hardwood floor of the stage, staring listlessly into the infinite.

Some of the faculty behind her grimaced, some looked away in disgust or embarrassment, while others stared tight-lipped.

"Do not pretend any of you are free of responsibility," she advised. "Look upon these young men, beaten and eviscerated by one girl and ask yourselves… where was I?"

She turned to face them. "What was I doing, as I watched these young men gather for three mornings–"

"Four," Nabiki corrected.

"Four mornings to attack a student, thank you." Kodachi gave the room another once-over. "How did any of you feel when that same girl pummeled all of these young men by herself and carried on to class?"

The silence was deafening.

"My brother is your champion, you say? Is that why you excused his behavior?" She asked. "That's fair, I'll accept that explanation. We live in Nerima after all."

Then, rather crassly, she hooked a thumb back to the poor bastards. "What about them?"

The silence lingered, as she sat back down on the desk and Nabiki reshuffled her papers. Once again, she leaned forward slightly and folded her hands on her raised knee.

"Please take those questions into consideration, as we continue our review of your performance as teachers and decide your future with my school."

And with those words, even Okamada was afraid.

Furinkan is the School of the Black Rose.