Spring 2005

Day after day, Bella remained dutifully at Mike's side.

He could be a bit of a blockhead at times, but he was sweet enough. He clearly enjoyed having her as his object. The smirk he threw over his shoulder when he offered his jacket or carried her books proved his kind acts were never for her sake. It was all a performance. As long as the acts remained pleasant, Bella could tolerate them.

What she couldn't tolerate was Edward's distance.

He was supposed to bend. Snap. Break like a twig. Instead, he withdrew further into himself, like a flower at twilight. She watched him wallow on the patio, the same worn paperback on his knee, the same unlit cigarette between his lips. As if they were props to demonstrate his misery. Two full weeks of Mike's moist palms on her skin and jerky-scented breath on her face and Edward didn't deign to look at her once.

At least, not directly.

There were moments when she still felt his gaze like the scorching touch of a lover in the throes of passion.

And so, she persisted.

On a damp and chilly Thursday, Bella didn't have to look at the patio to know he was out there. She wasn't the only one who kept careful tabs on Edward's whereabouts. Jessica and Lauren glanced in his direction, chattering and giggling. Things between the three girls hadn't gotten easier since Bella and Mike became an item. They were at all the hockey practices and games Bella attended, but maintained their distance. As they cheered and clapped for Tyler and Mike, Bella understood why there was a wedge between them. When their mousey friend, Angela, stared longingly at Eric, Bella understood why they could be outright cruel. She would have felt worse for taking the attention of those boys if she didn't think all three girls would do better. Edward was the only one deserving such affection, so she wasn't too irritated when the girls fawned all over him. If they only knew his best qualities extended far past his good looks.

There was a burst of wetness on her cheek. Bella gasped, though it was only Mike—he was always a wet kisser. She wiped her cheek with her sleeve only to receive another kiss on the other side. Mike feigned; Bella whirled. She nearly caught a face full of frosting, but Mike's reflexes were quick. He pulled back the cupcake right in time and placed it on the table before her.

"Surprise! Sweets for my sweet."

Delighted, Bella clasped her hands under her chin. "Oh, Mike! That's so nice of you!"

"The elementary school is having a bake sale today. So, along with this cupcake, you have donated two dollars to their trip to the zoo."

"I love that! Thank you!" She leaned closer to inspect her treat. Her smile faded when she noticed the small, white flakes dusting the frosting. "Um, Mike? Is this coconut?"

"Yes!" he beamed, "You said it was your favorite."

"I said I was allergic."

"You sure?"

Bella closed her eyes. "Yes."

"Oh man, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Perhaps Bella was unclear or said the wrong thing. She couldn't remember the conversation exactly. There was a good chance she missed something or spoke out of turn.

"Don't worry. I'll take care of it. Hey Jess! You want this?"

Bella rolled her eyes at his valiant effort. After the cupcake was vanquished by Jessica, Mike squeezed into the space next to Bella. "What are we doing this weekend?"

"I'm driving to Portland. There's this massive used bookstore I want to check out."

"Driving all the way to Portland for books?"

"Well, I already have to drive an hour to Port Angeles for a bad bookstore," Bella shrugged, "Might as drive three hours for a good one."

Mike nudged her arm with his elbow, "Well, maybe instead of driving three hours to a bookstore, you can grace my passenger seat for only two hours and watch the game. We can probably find a bookstore on the way back if I'm not too tired."

"It's a really good bookstore," Bella hinted.

"Fuck, Bella," Mike rolled his eyes. "Don't they all sell the same books?"

Bella didn't answer.

"I'm going pick you up on Saturday morning," Mike told her, point blank. "I'll let Charlie know."

Bella clenched her jaw. Mike knew how to play his hand well. Charlie was always on Mike's side. Her father would find some way to make her go. There was no use in fighting it. Someone else at the table caught Mike's attention, and Bella was grateful for his distraction. She shifted away from him, crossing her arms against her chest. It was childish and petty, but it felt good to do so.

She glanced at the patio for comfort, only to see it empty. Suddenly anxious, Bella shot up straight, scanning the room for him. Her racing heart sputtered and stopped when she caught a glimpse of tousled bronze hair. His broad back was towards her, walking away.

Regret turned her stomach to stone.

How close to her had he been? What did he want? Why, oh why, did he turn away?

Questions battered around in her storm-churned thoughts through lunch and into Biology. The squall worsened as Bella took her seat beside her biology partner. She smoothed the hem of her sweater and ran her fingers through her hair. He only attended class when there was a test or lab project or an important assignment due. As far as Bella was aware, the class still had one class period left in the movie they were watching. There was no reason for him to be there. Yet, there he was.

"Bella."

She squeezed her eyes shut. Hearing her name in his voice felt like being called home.

"You're not to blame."

The strangeness of his statement pulled her from her stupor. She blinked. "What?"

"You're going to blame yourself. I'm telling you not to."

She turned to him. His gaze was downcast, his hand tight around his pen. Bella couldn't understand what inspired him to speak to her after all this time. She wanted him to look at her. Give her the chance to study the golden eyes that haunted her waking dreams for some clue. She thought to scream, right there in the classroom. That would get his attention. But her voice was barely above a whisper. "What are you talking about?"

Someone cleared their throat behind her. Bella spotted the cupcake on the desk in front of her. The first thing she noticed was the little, white flecks on the frosting.

"I'm allergic to coconut, Eric."

"I'm sorry. Oh shit." He stuffed the entire cupcake in his mouth and wiped down the table with his sleeve.

"It's okay," she sighed. "You're not the first. I'm starting to think I told everyone the wrong thing." She clamped her lips together as she recalled Edward's bizarre request.

"I, uh, actually came over here to ask if you wanted to study again tonight. I had a lot of fun last week. I thought this would, heh, sweeten the deal."

Bella didn't react to the bad pun. "Yeah, I'd like that," she said, pleased to see Edward's fingers curl into a fist on the table.

"Great!" He hopped up to sit on the edge of their table. "Don't feel bad asking for help this time. It's kinda cute how bad you are at Trig."

Bella bit her cheek. It wasn't fair for him to fixate on the one thing she wasn't good at. Before her editing, his essay on Shakespeare was vapid and unimaginative. They used her flashcards to study for government because they were more detailed than his. She opened her mouth to point out the injustice when Edward stirred. A pale hand ran through bronze locks, dislodging them. Mussed hair always made him exceedingly more handsome. Which meant agitation looked great on him.

Eric didn't notice. His eyes were glued to his shoes, kicking to and fro. "You make the cutest face when you don't know something. You suck in both cheeks and pout your lips like a fish."

Bella drew her attention to her neighbor, like a moth to a flame. Edward's eyes met hers. The molten gold was solid. Not quite demanding, but expectant.

"A beautiful fish," Eric corrected, with a stammer.

Edward's perfect jaw flexed.

"A beautiful fish who can't construct three tangent circles in a triangle to save its life."

His eyes widened, suddenly imploring. Practically begging her to speak her mind.

But Bella kept her lips firmly shut. She finally learned his tick. The thing that would pull him out of this ridiculous charade. How long would he sit idly by as she degraded herself? Judging by the wild bewilderment that widened his eyes to near circles, it wouldn't be long at all.

"Sounds good, Eric," she said, daring Edward to interject. "And so sorry about the cupcake. It was all my fault."

"Great! Yeah, no worries. You can pay me back for it later."

"Sure thing!" she said, smiling wider as Edward's scowl deepened.

For the rest of class, Bella reveled in her victory. She figured Edward would leave, but he remained next to her. She watched his fingers furl and unfurl into a fist with great satisfaction. Bella lingered at her locker before gym, coming up with clever ways to break Edward's defense. When a hand slammed Bella's locker shut, she already knew what was about to happen.

Lo and behold, Tyler stood with a coconut cupcake in hand. Along with his green jersey, he wore a backward hat and a dashing smile with a cruel edge. He rotated the cupcake in his hand to show it off, flashing a wink. Tired of having the same conversation, Bella simply took it and smiled. She would throw it away later.

"Hey, Gorgeous. I'd like to take you to that bookshop in Portland this weekend," he offered.

Bella sputtered, surprised he had been listening to her conversation with Mike. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"I can't let you do that. You're on the hockey team as much as Mike is. You're busy. Besides, I can go alone another time."

Tyler shrugged and leaned against the wall of lockers, "Yeah, but unlike Mike, I'm willing to play hooky to gain a little favor with a pretty girl. Especially if that little favor gets her on her knees."

Repulsed by his crude words, Bella flushed and ducked her head.

"You didn't like that, did you?" Tyler chuckled. "Of course, not. Sweet and innocent girls like you never do. You're probably going to go home and write in your little pink journal that I'm a sexist pig, because you can't say asshole."

There were several things she wanted to call him. Asshole was high up on the list.

"But it's not my fault. You're just so hot, Bella, I can't help it."

Bella curled her lips.

"You're so hot you're making me sexist," he joked, with a teasing smirk, "bitch."

Bella wished with her entire heart she could slap the smirk off his face.

But Edward turned the corner. She never saw him in this part of the school at this time. Was he following her? Bella's heart soared at the thought. He stalked down the hallway with a grace that left her reeling. Strands of his tousled hair fell into his eyes. He pushed them away, then pushed the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows. She had never seen him so handsome, or so furious.

Bella knew how to turn that fury into something that suited her. "What was that, again?" Bella quirked her head, theatrically.

Tyler's smile grew, thinking she enjoyed his vile attempt at flirting. "You're so hot you've turned me into a sexist pig."

Behind them, Edward fumed. He licked his teeth, the way he did whenever he took a moment to find the perfect word. The words he would use to annihilate Tyler. Only, he wavered. He bit his fist, physically forcing back his words, as he turned around.

Two could play at that game. Bella bit her lip and toyed with the cupcake, careful not to touch the frosting. It encouraged Tyler to take his teasing one step further. "You dumb bitch. Taking a good guy like me and dragging my mind through the mud with that body of yours."

Edward turned again. She did not have to look behind Tyler to know there was a perfect, beautiful face twisted with rage. How Tyler couldn't sense the waves of fury radiating from the looming stranger was beyond her. Every cell in her body was alit by his mere proximity.

"You can drive me to Portland," she said in a slow, steady voice, waiting for a snap like it would be an audible sound. He was stronger than she thought. Edward spun on his heels. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and pushed into the nearest classroom.

"Then, the weekend after, you can take me to Florin City," she continued. She might have lost one battle, but she was already winning another.

"Yeah, sounds good!"

"And after that, Hobbiton."

Tyler's smirk finally faded. "Are you messing with me?"

Bella reopened her locker. "Oh, I just figured we were having a bit of fun. After all, to speak to me like that to gain my affection can't be anything but a joke. A bad one, at that."

"Don't be a bitch, Bella."

"I have to be, as long as you continue to be an asshole." She returned the cupcake to his hands, frosting side down.

Tyler retreated, cursing and muttering under his breath. There was a vulgar insult or two thrown in her direction. Bella paid him no mind—her thoughts were only for Edward. She nearly had him. Her charming boy from Alaska was there. Desperate to come to her aid, encouraging her unfiltered thoughts. She hoped she wouldn't have to go that far again. Bella didn't think she could stomach another interaction with Tyler. However, she would continue to push and prod. Eventually, she would get a stronger reaction than an internal battle—she just knew it.

At the end of the day, she filtered into the parking lot with the rest of the student body. She nearly collided into a wall of bodies, surrounding something. Raising onto her tippy-toes, Bella strained to see what all the fuss was about. Her shock blended in with the rest of the gasps and shouts.

Despite the mild weather, a massive tree branch had fallen and landed on the hood of Tyler's van.

Summer 2004

If the pavement wasn't slick with rain, or her two left feet didn't put her at constant risk, or she wasn't burdened with an overflowing basket, Bella would be running. Instead, she hobbled down the sidewalk at a speed most grandparents would skirt around.

"Edward!" she pushed open the door with her shoulder.

She lost her balance, but the basket was taken out of her hands in time for her to steady herself on the door handle. Edward had come out of nowhere. His beguiled expression was cute—nearly as cute as his sweater vest.

"Surprise!"

"As much as I appreciate the gesture, I expect you at this time every day. And it's no surprise to catch you toppling over, either."

"The surprise is in the basket."

"Ah." He set it on the front counter.

Nearly bursting with anticipation, Bella cut in front of Edward and opened the basket before he could. Inside, was an assortment of decadent desserts from the night before. Rich chocolate tarts. Buttery cookies that melted in the mouth. Flakey, pasties stuffed with cream, nuts, and jam. On top of all that, Miss McCarthy added leftover cheeses and meats from the charcuterie boards that opened the meal.

"Surprise!" Bella said again. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "I told everyone about you, anyway. Miss McCarthy wanted to thank you." Bella excitedly pointed out each pastry, describing what it was, her opinion of it, and what order she thought he should try everything in.

"Well?" she prompted when he made no movement toward the basket, "Are you going to have some?"

"I can't," he said in a sad, sorry voice.

"Why not?"

"I can't eat gluten or sugar. Or dairy."

"Oh!" she dug through the basket. "I think there's some summer sausage in here, too."

"I don't eat meat, either."

Bella frowned. "So, what's left? Beans?" Bella didn't eat meat either. However, she survived off bread and cheese.

He chuckled. "And fruit and vegetables."

Bella bit her cheek, eyeing his physique. A prime example of what would come from a diet consisting of mainly fruit and veg.

"I'm allergic to coconut," she blurted out, stupidly. She'd looked at his arms for longer than necessary.

"I see."

"Sorry." She pressed her palm to her forehead. She had truly lost her mind. "That was supposed to be a way to commiserate, but it just sounded stupid."

"Nonsense. I feel seen and heard."

"So…" Bella raised her hand over the basket, "may I?"

He gestured for her to proceed. "I would be insulted if you didn't."

Edward ducked behind the desk, doing whatever work he had to get done. Bella happily picked through the basket, fishing out her favorites from the night before. The choux puffs sat delicately on top, packed together like puffy clouds. Bella knew from the night before they were stuffed with lemon curd, vanilla mascarpone, or raspberry cream. Bella gave one a tentative sniff, but all she could smell was the dough and the powdered sugar dusted on top.

"Bite each one until you find the lemon ones," Edward suggested, knowing exactly what she was doing from the opposite side of the room. "No one is going to care."

Bella pushed out her lower lip. "Why would you assume I would do something so savage?"

"Lemon is your favorite."

"How do you know that?"

"It was a good guess," he admitted. "But you once said lemon was the flavor of sunshine. And I already know how often you crave the sun."

She laughed. "I mentioned that once. Three weeks ago." The subject came up when they were talking about Emma. Neither of them had anything negative to say about the novel. To strike up some sort of debate, Bella disagreed with Austen's take on strawberries being the perfect summer fruit.

It worked.

Edward rolled his beautiful eyes and pointed out no one would take a bite out of a lemon like they would a strawberry.

"Fine," Bella conceded, assuming he would make her bite into a lemon if she tried to argue, "Then it's the perfect summer flavor."

"Now we're discussing a completely different subject!"

Popping a puff into her mouth, Bella smiled at the memory.

"I remember everything you say."

The sugary choux turned to cardboard in her mouth, for nothing could be sweeter than Edward's words. She stared at him, eyes wide with awe and adoration. He couldn't see, his back was towards her. He didn't appear to be moving, as if the ardor in his own confession surprised him.

"There is no debate, by the way," Edward said, eventually. "Jane Eyre is too good for Mr. Rochester."

Bella's jaw fell open, lemon curd and all. "You cannot be serious!"

"Of course, I'm serious." Edward was always serious about his bad opinions. "He's manipulative, deceitful, constantly victimizing himself. You can't believe a word out of his mouth because he does nothing but lie! Imagine throwing a two-week house party just to fool one woman into thinking you want to marry her to another woman jealous. I'm not even getting into Bertha, because I'll start throwing stuff.

"Jane, however, is good to her core. She's timid, unsure of herself, and a people-pleaser, yet grows beyond that to be so much more…" He blinked slowly, looking off into the distance with unseeing eyes.

"She's also plain."

The corner of his lips twitched.

"She was also non-judgmental, yet rational. Except when it came to that odious man. She secured the financial freedom she desired throughout the novel, yet went running back to him for no legitimate reason."

Bella laughed. She's never seen Edward so passionate about a fictional woman. "Perhaps you're so upset because you think she deserves a far better Edward."

The full smile blossomed. He'd been caught. "I don't deserve her, either."

"See, it doesn't matter that Rochester didn't deserve her. They were a good match because they met each other in the middle. The prudence you love so much gives Jane the ability to curb Rochester's worst impulses, while he encourages Jane to give in to the emotions she was taught to oppress. He offers her emotional freedom."

Though his back was towards her flipping through a rack, Bella could tell by the wobble of his head Edward rolled his eyes at her.

"Besides, she left the relationship when she knew it was too much for her. When she did return, she did so through a much more egalitarian and noncoercive position. She chose him. And if she's such a good, deserving woman, doesn't that mean she should be with the person of her choice?"

"No."

"Oh, Edward. They were in love!"

"And that's supposed to make up for all the lying?"

"He never lied about how much he loved her."

"Oh, excuse me," Edward muttered, shoving a record into place with a bit too much force. "I forgot we were talking about love. The excuse that allows anyone to do anything. To cast things aside and neglect their roles. You have to forgive it all, because they were in love! How can they help themselves? How can anyone be expected to have any rational thought if they're in love?"

He picked up another record from his pile on the counter and set it into place.

"Why are you smiling like that?" The question was harsh and demanding, but his expression was soft.

"Because I cannot wait for the day when you eat your words."

"Don't hold your breath."

Bella clasped her hands over her heart. "You'll find a Jane Eyre of your own. And you'll be her Edward."

"And lie through my teeth at every opportunity. Boy, what a dream."

Bella laughed. "She'll forgive you."

"I would hope not."

"Really?" Bella challenged, in disbelief. "Even if there was a justified reason for lying. Even if you had every excuse in the book. You wouldn't seek her forgiveness?"

With long, graceful fingers, he selected another record from the stack. He didn't even look at the title before he started in her direction. Calm and cool, with long, exaggerated steps. He stopped in front of her, backing her up against a case. Her nose nearly brushed the button of his shirt as he reached around her, setting the record in its place.

His glasses slid down his nose as he looked down at her. "If I loved her, she would know she was worthy of so much more than me. She would move on."

"See, it's funny, because I think that sentiment alone is worth forgiving anything."

"Bella," he said, suddenly serious. "You're better than your romantic heroines. Promise me you will always put yourself before romantic love."

Looking into his golden eyes, swirling with passion and candor, Bella suspected it was something she wouldn't have to worry about. So, she lifted her chin and shook her head. "I'm not going to make that promise."