Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own it. Never have, never will.
Author's Note: Well, hello, everyone. I am so, so incredibly sorry for the long, long hiatus for this story. It has been a very rough couple of years for my stress level and for many things in general. But I have come out the other side of it a better, stronger person, and have learned some extremely valuable lessons along the way.
But now I'm back with tons of ideas, and some of the lessons I have learned will be incorporated into this story. I'm also going to be continuing one of my other stories, No Laughing Matter, which involves Snape mentoring Harry. It's vastly different from this one - after all, Snape isn't all cuddles and love and listening to cassette tapes with him. I think if Snape listens to any music at all, it would be classical, and he'd want to listen to it on his own. Lol.
Even though I can't write the lyrics here, I will remind you that the song referred to in chapter 30 is entitled Crash and Burn, and it's by Savage Garden. People in the reviews were still asking about it. It's a beautiful song, and I feel like it captures Harry and Sirius's relationship perfectly. It was also one of the favorite songs of my late brother, Aaron, who passed away in 2012. He was and will always be my hero.
Also, I wanted to let you know that there will eventually be romance in this fic, but it won't be for a long time yet. It also won't be between Harry and Ginny, or Harry and Hermione. I hope you guys like who I end up putting him with.
Anyway, I really, really hope you enjoy this chapter. It's been so long, but I hope you remember everything that's happened so far. I know I'm going to love writing this story again.
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When Harry awoke the next morning, he was embarrassed to discover that he was still on the couch. He knew he had fallen asleep in Sirius's arms, comforted by the breathing of the man who had come to mean so much to him in a short span of time.
His birthday had been one of the most amazing days he'd ever had. He would never forget the grin on Sirius's face as he operated the stereo, knowing that he was rebelling against the parents who thought things like that were nothing but filth. It made Harry's respect for him rise to new heights - Sirius might be a wizard, but he was one who realized that Muggles could do magic too - just a different kind. Sometimes, you didn't need to raise a wand or cast a spell or charm to make something beautiful. The stereo was magical all on its own.
The day had also been filled with laughter; Harry had laughed more yesterday than he had since the day of the Third Task, before everything had gone so wrong. He felt more whole than he had in a long time as he and Sirius shared something special. The man had given so much to him, and Harry truly cherished every moment. Every time Sirius looked at him with love in his gray eyes, he was floored. He constantly fought against the part of his mind that niggled at him, telling him he didn't deserve any of this. He had been meant to go back to the Dursleys this summer, to spend his time either locked in Dudley's second bedroom or doing chores. He wasn't supposed to be listening as Sirius told stories of the old days, enjoying the music that he and the other Marauders had once listened to. But, yet, this was what was happening and Harry wasn't about to waste a single moment.
You're not alone. The singers of that song had captured he and Sirius's relationship perfectly. Both of them had felt so lonely, so bereft for so long, but now they had found each other - two people who had had their lives turned upside down, all by the same monsters and the same betrayals. And if the last month had taught him anything, it was that he wasn't alone anymore, and he wanted nothing more than to show Sirius the same thing. But last night, as Sirius had held him as the song faded away to nothing, Harry realized that he already knew. It was a moment when he felt their bond was cemented forever.
A month. It had been an entire month since he had been hiding in Sirius's house - a month and eight days now, since today was August 1. Realization hit him in that moment - he had promised his godfather that he would not take a month to heal, and yet he had done so. It had taken him longer to feel better than he had expected, and yet, Sirius did not judge him for it. He didn't ask how much longer it would be, or when they could have company in the house. Harry was sure Sirius was missing Remus, his last remaining best friend, but he didn't even ask to have him over. Guilt immediately seized him, along with even more stunned amazement that his godfather, a man who he knew had so much energy inside of him, was willing to sit quietly in a house he had once hated and wait for his godson to recover.
Both man and boy were sitting at the breakfast table - Kreacher had just brought them their food. Harry also realized that it had been a while since Sirius had lost his temper with the despised elf. It was plain to see that he still loathed him, but he was keeping his anger in check for Harry's sake - yet another mark in Sirius's favor.
"Harry, are you okay, kiddo?" His godfather's gentle voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "You look really bothered by something."
"You've honestly been amazing, you know that?" Harry couldn't hold it inside him anymore. "I said I wouldn't take a month to feel better, but I have. And the whole time, you've put up with not having anyone else in the house. You must be missing Professor Lupin, right?"
"Harry," Sirius said, his eyes full of love and sadness, two emotions Harry often saw on his face. "I am not "putting up" with anything. So you took longer than you thought to feel better. So what? You've been through hell, Harry. And from what I've gathered, you've never been allowed the time to truly recover. You went through unimaginable things at the end of your first and second years, and yet Dumbledore sent you right back to those Muggles." His eyes flashed with fierce fire.
"Sirius, there was nowhere else I could go. The Weasleys have been wonderful to me, but they have a big family and I couldn't expect them to take me in," Harry protested. "They already have trouble affording stuff."
"I realize that, Harry. But Dumbledore was the one who put you with the Dursleys, and I'm starting to understand exactly how much that decision hurt you," Sirius said quietly, and Harry could see the guilt on his face. He knew instantly what the man was not saying - it's my fault you went there, too.
"You know what you keep telling me about guilt, Sirius?" Harry asked, looking deeply into his godfather's face. "The same thing applies to you. You're here now, and that's what matters."
Sirius was speechless for a moment, and then he smiled. "How in Merlin's name was I blessed with this, after everything I've done?" he murmured, and it sounded to Harry as though he was talking more to himself than he was to him.
The boy smiled at him, and then spoke again. "You didn't answer my question," he said softly. "You must be missing Professor Lupin." He watched in interest as a whole range of emotions flitted over Sirius's face. "What's wrong?" he asked, sensing the turmoil inside him.
"Spending all this time with you this month has really caused me to think," Sirius explained, "about everything all of us adults have done wrong. And Professor Lupin - Remus - is no exception."
"What do you mean?" Harry asked, having no idea where this was going.
"He could have checked up on you," Sirius said, and Harry could detect hidden pain and anger in his tone. "I made some enormous mistakes, and he could have made up for them. It wouldn't have taken much for him to at least see how you were doing."
Harry was shocked, having never really considered that. He remembered meeting Lupin at the beginning of his third year, and how painfully haunted he had seemed. When Harry had asked him whether he'd known Sirius, it couldn't have been more apparent that he wanted to stay away from the subject. It had taken some persuading for the man to teach him the Patronus Charm as well. The thing was, Harry could understand; obviously, what he'd experienced after Halloween 1981 had been intensely painful - every single one of his friends having left him. According to what he'd known at the time, three were dead and one was a traitor. Those days directly afterwards must have been hell; his friends seemed to have been the only people who had truly accepted him for his condition. By the way he acted, he had been carrying the pain of Halloween 1981 ever since.
"And I honestly don't care that he was willing to help you, eventually," Sirius was continuing. "The fact is, he did nothing for twelve years. He wallowed in his own self-pity, and wasted so much time. He could have made up for my stupidity by doing everything that I couldn't do."
Harry truthfully didn't know what to say. He'd never thought Sirius resented Lupin for something like this. "Maybe Professor Dumbledore didn't tell him where I was," he reasoned, not wanting to think badly of the kindly werewolf who had ended up spending so much time with him, helping him to withstand the effects of the Dementors.
"Maybe so." Sirius scowled at the thought of Dumbledore. "But if he really cared, he would have kept asking and not given up. Dumbledore isn't God. He's fallible, just like all of us. Remus, unfortunately, doesn't seem to realize that."
Harry thought about it, and realized that there was a lot of truth to what Sirius was saying. When he'd learned Remus's entire story about his friendship with the other Marauders and that he had known so much about Harry's dad, there were so many questions that hadn't been answered. The Dursleys had drilled it into his head not to ask questions, but he couldn't deny that they were there, swirling around in his mind and begging to be asked.
"I know you don't want to think badly of him, Harry," Sirius said gently, taking the boy's hand. "And I'm grateful for everything he did for you last year. But tell me - has he been in touch with you since?"
"No," Harry admitted softly. "He hasn't sent any owls or anything."
Sirius's eyes flashed, another fierce scowl taking over his countenance. "Of course he hasn't," he muttered under his breath.
"You should talk to him," Harry said at once, hating that Sirius was feeling this way because of him. "You've shown me that talking helps. You should tell him how you feel."
Sirius nodded, looking at Harry lovingly. "You're right," he said, his face a storm of emotions. "I can't keep it inside anymore."
"He can come here, if he likes," Harry told him firmly. "And I can stay in my room while you two talk."
"Oh, Harry." Sirius smiled at him. "Thank you."
"For what?" Harry asked, not knowing what he'd done to deserve thanks.
"For giving me that advice," Sirius said. "I do need to speak with him. I haven't seen him since ... you know ... that night."
Harry nodded, knowing exactly which night Sirius meant. "Well, you can invite him any time you want."
"I think I will, in a few days." Sirius smiled. "After you've seen the Weasleys and Hermione."
Harry was happy to discover that at the sound of their names, he was really excited to see them. He hadn't felt that in a long, long time. He needed to be with his friends again - it would do him the world of good. "Can I write to them, then?" he asked.
"I told you, kiddo, of course you can." Sirius grinned. "I'll be very happy to see them too."
xxx
It was a day later that the fireplace in the drawing room flared green for the first time Harry had seen since he had arrived here. There were butterflies in his stomach - he couldn't deny that he was nervous. This was the first time he was seeing his friends in a little over a month.
He also wanted to learn what had been going on in the outside world. He and Sirius had been sheltered, protected from the horror of it. But Harry knew that things could have only stayed this way for so long. He needed to know what had happened since he and Sirius had made their hasty escape from Hogwarts on that terrible Sunday.
Sirius placed a reassuring hand on Harry's shoulder. How did the man always know how to soothe him? he thought in wonder. "You ready, Harry?" his godfather asked softly.
"Yeah," Harry replied, knowing that he was telling the truth despite his nervousness.
One by one, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Bill, and Ginny came tumbling out of the fireplace. They were all smiles, and when they saw Harry, they couldn't reach him fast enough.
"Hiya, mate," Ron said, immediately pounding Harry on the back. "It's so good to see you again."
"Harry!" Hermione came running over to him, throwing her arms around him. Harry hugged her back gently, smiling. "I missed you so much," she whispered, and Harry could tell she was holding back tears.
"Hi, Harry." Ginny gave him a hug too, looking at him critically. "You're looking much better," she observed quietly.
"Hey, give us a turn!" Fred exclaimed as he pounded Harry's back like Ron had done.
"It's absolutely spiffing to see you again, mate!" George added. "I swear, my little brother was going insane moping over you."
"Was not!" Ron scowled, glaring at his brother. "I was just worried, that's all!"
"Boys, don't crowd him." Arthur smiled at Harry. "How have you been?" he asked softly. "I'm very happy to see you."
"Hello there." Bill came over and shook Harry's hand. "We've all been concerned."
"Harry, dear." Molly embraced him as well, and she couldn't hold back her tears. "We were all so scared for you."
"I'm fine, guys. I'm fine, Mrs. Weasley," Harry said, feeling his heart warm at the affection being shown to him. It had always been obvious that the Weasleys cared very much for him.
He turned to see Sirius, who was watching the reunion with a soft grin on his face. "Sirius has been taking wonderful care of me," he said pointedly, wanting them to pay his godfather just as much attention. Sirius might not know this family like Harry did, but he deserved just as much of a warm greeting as the boy had gotten.
At this, the Weasleys smiled and greeted the black-haired man. Harry didn't fail to notice, however, that Molly was rather wary and hesitant around him. He remembered her horrified reaction when he was lying in the hospital wing after he'd returned from the Third Task. Obviously, she knew Sirius was innocent now, but Harry still didn't like the way she was looking at him, and scrutinizing the house they were in as if it was wrong for him to be here.
Still, Harry was so happy to see his friends again that he tried not to dwell on it. Instead, he sat down with them, laughed with them, and ate biscuits and drank tea. For now, they did not talk about Hogwarts, or Voldemort, or the idiocy of the Ministry. Rather, they discussed Quidditch, Fred and George's ideas for a joke shop, and Bill's most recent exploits in Egypt.
After a while, Harry asked Sirius, "Do you mind if I show Ron, Hermione, the twins, and Ginny my room?"
"Of course I don't mind!" Sirius grinned at him. "You don't even need to ask."
So Harry stood up and led his friends out of the room, and past the awful, creepy house-elf heads on the wall. Obviously, Harry did not hold this against Sirius, but he couldn't deny that this was extremely hard to get used to.
Of course, Hermione commented on it. "That's barbaric!" she exclaimed as she stared in horror. "What on Earth is this place?"
"I'll explain as soon as we get to my room," Harry promised. "I have a lot to tell you."
"As do we," Fred said, and Harry didn't like the ominous tone to his voice.
When they entered Harry's room, the four Weasleys grinned at the Quidditch posters decorating it while Hermione looked fondly exasperated. "Wow, this is pretty neat, mate. Did Sirius fix this up for you?" Ron asked as he looked around.
"Yep," Harry answered with a smile. "It's great, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Ron agreed. "Now, spill. What in bloody Merlin's name is this house, and how does Sirius know about it?"
Harry launched into the story of Sirius's origins, and all five of his friends looked horrified. "I can't believe it," Ron breathed. "After all he went through here, he's been willing to stay here with you for over a month."
"He really loves you, you know." Ginny's voice was gentle. "He's amazing."
"He is," Harry agreed with conviction. "I couldn't ask for better."
"What have you been doing while you've been here?" Hermione asked. "You're definitely looking very much improved. Have you been keeping up with your schoolwork?"
Ron, Ginny, the twins, and Harry all rolled their eyes, and a surge of both affection and exasperation rose up in Harry. "Yes, Hermione." There was a smile in his voice. "I've been keeping up with my schoolwork."
Hermione grinned, ignoring the eye-rolling and exasperated looks. "But that's wonderful!" she exclaimed with feeling. "Sirius has been helping you, I suppose?"
"Yeah," Harry said. "You know how rubbish I am at Transfiguration. He's been helping me get better. He's really good at it, since he's an Animagus and all."
"You're not rubbish, mate," Ron said. "You just know that there are more important things to do. You know, like Quidditch."
It was Hermione's turn to roll her eyes this time. "You boys and Quidditch," she muttered.
"You don't know what you're missing, Hermione," Fred said.
"Yeah," George agreed. "With your nose constantly buried in a book and all."
Harry watched as his friends playfully bickered, a smile on his face. He hadn't realized how much he had missed this.
Eventually, the mock argument was over, and Harry knew that it was time for him to learn about what was going on outside the doors of this shelter. "Guys," he said, his tone suggesting the forthcoming conversation would be a lot more serious. "I'd really like to know what's been happening since I left Hogwarts."
All five of his friends exchanged glances. "It's pretty rough stuff, mate," Ron warned him.
"Are you sure you want to know, Harry?" Hermione asked worriedly, chewing her lip. "I don't want it to make you feel worse again."
"It's all right, guys. I need to know." Harry sighed. "I'll find out sooner or later anyway. You know I do better with more information, even if it isn't pleasant."
Ginny's eyes were sad. "All right, then," she agreed quietly.
So, between all of them, they explained to Harry what had happened when the Aurors showed up. "They just wouldn't stop going on about you being a murderer," Ron spat, his face furious. "So I just flat-out told them that you had gone into hiding and no one knew where you were."
"Then, Dumbledore lied and told them that it was him who had taken you into hiding, and that you were being looked after by someone he trusted," Hermione explained.
"They didn't like that too much," Fred murmured. "George and I weren't there when it happened, but these three told us that they took him into custody, and he went willingly."
Harry was horrified. "Professor Dumbledore got taken away by the Aurors?" he said, fear clouding his emerald eyes. "And he didn't try to get away?" His mind was buzzing; what trick could Dumbledore have had up his sleeve?
"No," Ron said, sighing dejectedly. "It was my fault he was taken in the first place."
Harry looked at Ron with affection. "You were defending me," he said, his heart aching with renewed love for someone who was like the brother he'd never had. He'd been so angry with him this year, but obviously, Ron felt excruciatingly guilty for his past actions and was trying to make up for them. Harry had already forgiven his friend earlier in the year, and now, he was so glad he had; any remaining bitterness disappeared like dust in the wind. "You could have gotten in so much trouble," he whispered.
"I don't care," Ron said firmly, resolutely. "No one gets to accuse you of murder in my hearing without me giving them a piece of my mind."
That still hurt. Harry remembered Cedric's lifeless eyes, the fear on his face, the thump of his body as it had fallen to the ground, his sheer, utter coldness as Harry had held him in those moments after they'd returned to Hogwarts. He remembered his petty jealousy of the other boy, and knew he'd never get over the guilt. Sirius had been amazing in trying to help him realize that Cedric's death wasn't his fault, but he couldn't escape the knowledge that if not for the fact that Cedric had been standing beside him, the seventeen-year-old would still be alive. He felt like a murderer, and being accused of such a thing ... it wasn't a surprise, but it was still intensely painful. And he'd had to escape from the life he knew because of those accusations.
"It's okay, Harry," Ginny said, her soft voice bringing him back to his friends. "We know the truth. You didn't murder Cedric, and his death is NOT your fault." She sighed, and there was so much sadness in the sound. "To a lesser extent, I know what you're going through," she said quietly. "After the Chamber, I was lost in guilt for a long time. I still can't remember petrifying those people, and I know now that Tom forced me to do it." She looked at Hermione, and Harry could see the same guilt in her eyes that he saw in the mirror every morning. "But even now, it's still hard to face the fact that it was me who caused all that to happen. I was stupid and naive and needed a friend, so I wrote in that diary without even thinking about what I was doing."
"And I'll keep telling you that I don't blame you, Ginny." Hermione wound her arm around the other girl. "You couldn't help what you did."
"It's our fault for not being there for you more," George said. Harry had never heard self-loathing in the voice of the boy who was usually such a jokester, but he did now.
"Yeah," Fred said, his tone the same as George's. "The dark wanker got to you because we weren't paying attention."
Ginny looked sadly at her twin brothers. "Don't be stupid," she said bluntly. "It isn't your fault either. We could go around in circles all day about whose fault what happened is, but in the end it's not about blame. That's what Bill said to all of us, remember? Yeah, I do still blame myself. You two," she said to the twins, "blame yourselves too. But there's really no point, is there? We just can't let anything like that happen again."
"Just like it isn't your fault what happened to Diggory, Harry," Ron said, returning to the original subject. "And I was sick of those Aurors saying what they did."
"I never thought badly of Aurors before, but those ones were horrible," Hermione fumed.
"Unfeeling bastards," Fred muttered.
"Arseholes," George agreed.
There was no argument from any of them, not even Hermione, who normally objected to swearing. Instead, there was a long, stricken silence between all six of them.
Harry eventually broke it. "What happened to Dumbledore, then?" he asked, dreading the answer.
"He was at the Ministry, apparently under questioning for about ten days," Ron replied. "And then, poof! He just escaped, and hasn't been seen since."
"You're joking," Harry breathed. "How did he escape, and where could he have gone?"
"Beats me," Fred answered. "No one has any idea. The Ministry was in an uproar about it."
"It's Dumbledore," George said. "Who knows, with him? He could be anywhere."
Harry felt extremely worried, yet strangely hopeful at the same time. That man always seemed to know things no one else did. Even Voldemort was said to be afraid of him.
After another stretch of silence, Harry asked, "What about the petition?" As much as he hated it, he understood why that roommate of Cedric's had drawn such a thing up.
"Stupid idiot was so smug about it," George said, his face holding a fierce anger. "After you left, I mean. It's sick."
"Yeah," Ron spat. "Like you're the only one You-Know-Who's after."
"And before you say that he's right to do such a thing," Hermione said, her brown eyes bright, "it's OUR choice to associate with you. If you have any crazy notions of staying away for our own protection, you'd better think again."
Harry closed his eyes as visions of his friends being tortured filled his mind. "It's true, Hermione," he whispered. "I'm so scared you're going to get hurt."
"Harry, my family is considered by the Death Eaters to be the biggest bunch of blood traitors ever known to humankind," Ginny said. "We'd be fighting in this war even if you didn't exist. We'll fight because it's the right thing to do, because Tom is going to threaten our way of life and the people we love. So no matter what you might think, you staying away from us is not going to get us not to fight."
"We know what we're getting into, mate," George said, his tone more solemn than Harry had ever heard it. "And Jeff and his merry band of sycophants can piss off."
In his mind's eye, Harry still saw his friends on the ground, being tortured and killed because they associated with him, and he shuddered. After all the progress he'd made with Sirius, he understood their logic, but it didn't mean he was happy about it.
"It's okay, Harry." Hermione looked at him, her eyes filled with compassion. "Just let us help and be there for you. That's all I ask."
Harry smiled softly, knowing he was cared about deeply, and loving them all just as much.
After a moment, he asked a question he was very curious about. He knew Charlie was still in Romania, but there was another Weasley missing from the group. "Where's Percy?" he asked softly.
Suddenly, the Weasleys looked absolutely enraged, and Hermione looked extremely upset as they told Harry that Percy had had a huge row with his father several days before, after he'd received a promotion at work. "He believes all that rubbish about you," Ron snarled, looking like he could commit murder himself. "About you killing Diggory."
"Our brother," Fred spat. "A traitor."
"Dad kicked him out," George added. "He told him not to darken our doorstep until he changes his ways."
Harry felt so many emotions at that moment - shock, hurt, horror, betrayal ... but also, love. He had never liked Percy as much as the other Weasleys, but he still felt very betrayed by the fact that the older boy believed he had murdered someone in cold blood. But looking at the people around him who were so fiercely defensive of him, he knew the rest of the family were in his corner. And now, with Sirius having taken such good care of him, he realized that though things were worse than he ever could have imagined, he also had love surrounding him. "You guys are the best, you know that?" he asked quietly.
"That's what friends are for, mate." Ron patted Harry's shoulder, his tone earnest. "We're here for you."
The rest of them nodded, all of them with the same expression on their faces. "We're in it for the long haul, mate," Fred said.
"Thank you," Harry said sincerely, meaning it with all his heart. "Thank you so much."
"No problem." George grinned at him. "In the end, everyone who's acting like a wanker will get their heads out of their arses and see the truth. You just watch - it'll happen."
"Now, enough of this sappy nonsense," Fred teased. "Wanna do something fun?"
Harry nodded, needing something to lighten the mood. He opened one of the drawers in his nightstand and retrieved a pack of Exploding Snap cards. "Fancy a game?" he asked with a smile.
"Absolutely!" Ron beamed. "Let's do it!"
For many minutes afterwards, the atmosphere was one of laughter and frivolity as their eyebrows were singed more times than they would have liked. But none of that mattered - Harry was back with his friends, basking in the glow of warmth that surrounded him.
And for now, despite everything going on in the outside world, that was enough.