Disclaimer: Nope.
Author's Note: Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! I'm really glad you enjoyed Sirius's therapy session with Healer Dixon. Yes, he has a lot to heal from.
Oh yes, Sirius was definitely an idiot when he was younger, but he obviously feels a lot of guilt for his past behavior. And I agree that if he ever does run into Brianna again, apologizing to her sincerely would do a lot of good, even all these years later.
Before I talk about the next chapter, I just wanted to say that I am feeling a lot of relief today. I was so scared because Hurricane Hilary was directly in the path of several people I deeply care about. One of them, in fact, is the person who I'm basing the character of Sturgis off of. I write this with such relief because everyone made it out unscathed. In fact, the area in which "Sturgis" lives actually dodged it altogether.
However, that does not take away the fact that my heart goes out to every single person that was affected by the storm. These natural disasters are horrifying and I'm thinking of everyone who suffered. It just goes to show that we should take absolutely nothing for granted. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed to anyone.
Anyway, this chapter - considering my username and the fact that this person is my absolute favorite character, I couldn't go without writing something from her point of view. I'm amazed that I managed to make it to chapter 63 before doing so! I have always sympathized so much with her, and have never understood so much of the fandom's dislike of her. She went through something horrific, and it was hard for her to move on. I completely understand.
Was it wrong for her to lead Harry on the way she did? Of course. But I honestly don't think she meant to. I think there were several factors involved with her fixation on Harry. I think she and Cedric were completely in love, and she didn't love Harry at all like she did Cedric. I think the fact that Harry was the last one to see Cedric alive and he brought his body back, mixed with the horror of so many not believing Voldemort's return for so long in the canon fifth book and believing Cedric's death was an accident, and Harry told the truth at every possible opportunity - I think all of those things added to her complicated feelings for Harry. Plus, we see that in the fourth book, she's constantly surrounded by girlfriends. In the fifth book, only Marietta Edgecombe is really seen hanging around with her. Her boyfriend was bloody murdered and almost all her friends left her when she didn't bounce back to the happy, smiling girl she had been before then. And that is the most vile, disgusting thing I think I've ever seen in a story. It enrages me to no end. It's absolutely revolting. There was no compassion, no sympathy. No wonder she clung to Harry like she did, because he actually paid attention to her. She must have felt so unloved and so, so lonely.
Anyway, rant over. Since we've diverged from canon, her point of view on things has obviously changed. Everyone knows the truth and she got to see the memory at Fudge's trial. Harry's not at Hogwarts, either, so Cho can properly mourn Cedric without any complications.
I really hope you enjoy this chapter. You might say I'm actually turning canon on its head with who Cho talks to in this scene.
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The Astronomy Tower was one of the most beautiful places at Hogwarts. Up there, the entire world stretched out before you, and at night, the views were spectacular. The moon beamed down, and the stars twinkled brightly, bathing the place in such a picturesque beauty that it stole your breath.
In all honesty, the place used to scare Cho Chang. The entire universe loomed before her, telling her that she was only an infinitesimal speck in the whole wide world. What kind of mark could she make? What good could she do in a world that seemed so enormous? It was frightening. There was so much out there, so many universes and galaxies, and what was she? Her life held so much promise, but what was she to make of it?
Cedric had looked at it differently, though. He'd always appreciated the stars - he'd often waxed poetic about Astronomy and that it was his favorite subject. He'd held her hand, his warm gray eyes full of love, and told her that she could do whatever she wanted with her future. Just because the universe seemed so big and the sky seemed so limitless did not mean that she couldn't change the world. For Cedric, it had been his grandmother who had taught him to become one with nature. For Cho, it had been Cedric.
Cho had spent so many nights up here with him, her head on his chest and his arms wrapped protectively around her. Within the warm, safe cocoon of his love, she'd never felt more wanted. She would always get lost in his gray eyes - she'd stare into them, and be mesmerized.
And Cedric had not only taught her that the sky was not to be feared. No one seemed to understand that during her time with Cedric, she'd tasted life for the very first time. He had been the one to teach her not to focus on the superficial. He had taught her how to laugh, how to live ... and how to love. They'd only been together for six months, but they'd shared something that went soul deep.
The night of the Yule Ball, she'd been on cloud nine. She'd never felt more beautiful and more radiant than when she danced with him. And when he brought her out to the rose garden, confessed his feelings, and kissed her for the first time, she felt as though she were flying - and it was a million times more exhilarating than being on a broomstick. She had always been a Seeker - but now she had found something truly worth keeping. Her heart was full to bursting with joy and exaltation.
"I love you so much, Cho. There's never been anyone who's meant more to me. I'll win for you, I promise." Cho could still remember the feeling of his warm lips on hers, the way his gentle fingers stroked her hair. "You are everything," he'd whispered in her ear, the smell of his cologne incredibly comforting. The Third Task was looming before him and Cho could feel him shaking slightly with nerves and apprehension.
"I love you too, Cedric. I know you'll win." Cho had kissed him back, the passion between them still taking her breath away. "You're going to be amazing tonight, like you always are. You ... you've made my life so much richer. I never thought anyone would mean so much to me ... but you do." They'd kissed again, a long, lingering one as they held each other close, not wanting to let go. "Good luck, love," she whispered. "Come back to me."
Cedric smiled, his gray eyes holding that familiar, loving warmth. "Don't worry." His hands were so gentle as they tenderly caressed her cheeks. "I will."
Nothing could have prepared her for the sight that met her when Harry and Cedric landed hard at the entrance of the maze, Harry holding tightly to the Triwizard Cup and Cedric ... Cedric ... Cedric ...
His beautiful gray eyes stared wide, wide, wide, and they were so empty. So vacant. So horribly, horribly lifeless. All the kindness, honesty, and laughter had disappeared from them. His wonderful, handsome face held a look of such profound shock and fear that it had shattered her heart to pieces. The calls of "Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Diggory's dead! Cedric Diggory! Dead!" echoed around the pitch, and Cho thought she heard someone let out a raw, bloodcurdling shriek. What she hadn't realized at the time was that she was the one who had made the gut-wrenching noise.
She ran, ran, ran to his side, not caring who she'd shoved out of her way to get to him. Collapsing beside him, she took his hand. It was so, so, so cold. She didn't even register the tears that were pouring down her face as she howled for the boy she loved to just wake up. If there was any justice or goodness in the world at all, he'd just wake up. If her lungs wanted to draw another breath, and her crushed heart wanted to continue to beat, he'd just wake up.
But he didn't. Cedric Diggory just would not wake up. Screaming and sobbing, she cried out his name over and over until Roger Davies grabbed her, lifted her up, and carried her back inside the school. "NOOOO!" Cho's shrieks echoed around the Quidditch pitch. "CEDRIIIIIIC!"
Now, as she sat on top of the Astronomy Tower without Cedric's warmth beside her, tears were sliding down her face once again. Others might not understand - but there was no denying it. Cedric had been the love of her life ... and he'd been taken violently away from her.
"Kill the spare." There wasn't a night that passed now that Cho didn't hear those brutal words in her dreams. To You-Know-Who and the Death Eaters, Cedric was nothing more than an insect that needed to be disposed of. He was standing in the way of their target - Harry Potter. It didn't matter what Cedric had done with his life, or what he wanted to do with the rest of it. He hadn't even been human to those monsters. And every night, after those horrific words were spoken, Cho saw Cedric collapse to the ground, all life leaving him in a single instant. The last words the boy she loved had ever heard was that he was a waste of space.
Rage and hate. Cho had always been such a positive person, and she never thought she'd feel such raw, negative emotion. Cedric had once said that if you truly knew how to love, you could truly hate, too. Cho hadn't really known what he meant at the time - but now, she did.
Once again, Cedric's lifeless gray eyes flitted across her mind, and she shuddered. This summer ... this summer had been horrible, and the days had seemed to go even slower after Fudge's trial. Her father spent ages trying to convince her that what she'd had with Cedric wasn't real, that it was just a teenage fling that would mean nothing in the end. Her mother was much more sympathetic, but wanted her daughter to move on with her life. Cho had spent as much time in her room as possible, just so that she could be away from them.
Quiet footsteps interrupted Cho's terrible thoughts. The noise stopped as whoever it was realized someone else was there. "Oh, sorry. I ... I'll go."
Cho had tried to wipe her eyes, but the sobs were coming in earnest and she just couldn't stop the tears. Would she ever run out of tears for her lost love? She didn't think so.
With blurry vision, she looked up to see none other than Hermione Granger wearing an incredibly apologetic look on her face. A pang of shame went through Cho - she didn't want Hermione to see her looking like this. "N-no," she muttered, trying to stop the shaking of her shoulders. "It's okay - you can stay. I n-n-need the company anyway."
Hermione Granger looked bereft and lost - emotions that were all too familiar to Cho. She knew that both Hermione and Ron must be missing Harry something awful. She shoved away the bitter thought that came to her mind - at least they'll get to see Harry again. I'll never get to see Cedric.
A pang of guilt went through her. Why should Hermione not be sad? It wasn't fair for Cho to think something like that. Harry Potter had been a constant at Hogwarts for four years. The fact that he wasn't here now, and because the governors wouldn't let him come - it sent feelings of incredible sympathy and guilt through Cho.
"Are you sure?" Hermione's voice was quiet. "Honestly, I can leave and go somewhere else."
"Misery loves company," Cho said softly. "Please stay."
Still looking very unsure of herself, Hermione sat down beside her and stared out at the night sky. The two girls sat in silence for several minutes, although Hermione looked like she wanted to say something. "Hermione?" Cho finally asked. "It's ... it's okay. I know that you have something to say."
Hermione gazed at Cho, the sadness in her brown eyes unmistakeable. "Cho ..." she whispered. "I know this sounds incredibly empty, but ... Cho, I'm ... so sorry."
Cho gazed back, hearing the sincerity in her words. "I know, Hermione." she whispered. "Thank you."
The more she looked at Hermione, the more desperate she was to talk to someone. She'd truly never had a conversation with the other girl before. Often, though, when she went to the library, she'd see her there, sitting at a table with several books on it. She'd heard the girls in her dorm, Amanda and Meghan in particular, saying very nasty things about the bushy-haired girl, but Cho had never joined in. She honestly didn't know her - she only knew that she was best friends with Ron and Harry and that she had helped save the school at the end of Cho's second and third years.
And there was so much guilt that was squeezing her heart now. She needed to confess, and Hermione was right here. This might be selfish of her, with Hermione going through her own sadness, but she needed to get this off her chest. "Can I tell you something?" she whispered, looking up at the sky again, the sky which Cedric had loved with his entire being.
"Of course, Cho. I'm here to listen." Hermione's eyes were far away, gazing at the sky as well. "I ... I thought I wanted to be alone, but I needed the company too. You know me ... I was in the library just now."
Cho gave her a small smile. "Right," she said quietly.
"I used to get so angry when people told me that I couldn't find all the answers to life in books," Hermione murmured. "But they were right ... you know?"
Cho nodded, knowing exactly what Hermione meant. Cedric ... Cedric had been the one to teach her that. "Yeah," she replied.
"What ... what is it you need to tell me?" Hermione's eyes met Cho's, seeing her hesitation. "It's okay."
"At first, I ... I hated him, you know?" Cho couldn't help the tears that filled her eyes as renewed guilt filled her soul. "Harry. I blamed him. I loved Cedric so much ... he was everything ... everything. And he was only killed because You-Know-Who wanted Harry."
She looked at Hermione again, expecting to see hatred and condemnation in her eyes, but the other girl didn't say anything. Her gaze was still far away, focusing on the sky as she patiently waited for Cho to continue.
"I'd never seen Cedric so empty and so ... so scared." An unwilling sob escaped from her lips. "I ... I was so upset and angry. But I never ... I never thought Harry was capable of murder. When so many here at this school started accusing him, I ... I didn't believe it. But I didn't defend him, either. And that ... that was horrible of me.
"Harry ... he had saved the school before," she continued, the words coming out in a rush now. "He ... he saved Ginny Weasley, didn't he? So I thought ... why ... why couldn't he save Cedric?"
She took a moment to catch her breath, tears still cascading down her face as she remembered her feelings that summer, and when everything had changed. "But when I saw that memory, at Fudge's trial ..." She paused, shuddering. "It happened so ... so fast. There was no time for Harry to do anything. Right after I saw Cedric d-die, I ... I couldn't stay for the rest of the memory. But I heard what happened afterwards. Harry was so ... so b-brave, and he risked everything to bring Cedric back. He could have left him there, in that awful place. And ... he didn't."
It was at that moment that Hermione reached out to Cho, putting her hand on the other girl's shoulder. Cho turned to look, and saw no hatred in the other girl's eyes. Instead, she saw compassion and understanding. "I'm glad you realized the truth," she whispered. "Harry needs everyone in his corner."
"Yes, he does." Cho nodded. "And Cedric never would have wanted me to blame or hate Harry. He'd be so disappointed that I ever did."
"You were grieving, Cho." Hermione was now in tears herself. "People don't always think logically when they are. It's not right that you felt that way, but the most important thing is that you stopped. It's just a shame that others in this school still haven't realized that Harry never wanted any of this."
"Yeah." Cho sighed, her sobs finally subsiding as she wiped her eyes. "It would have been so easy to agree with the school governors," she admitted. "I don't want other people to die because Harry's standing there. It would be so easy to think that he's dangerous and no one should associate with him. I mean ... You-Know-Who had Cedric killed so quickly because he was in the way, and that monster wanted to get to Harry." She looked Hermione right in the eye. "But You-know-Who will murder anyone, won't he? Whether Harry's there or not. I realized that especially after all those people were killed the night before school started. None of them had anything to do with Harry." Her voice grew resolute as she continued. "You-Know-Who wants Harry to be isolated. He wants him not to have allies and friends that will support him."
She was suddenly dying to tell Hermione about the counterpetition that she and many others had signed. It had been a difficult decision to come to, but she had succeeded in chasing away any lingering feelings of resentment or blame. She missed Cedric so much - it was a physical agony. But she realized that she could miss Cedric and be there for Harry at the same time. She could do what her boyfriend would have wanted and be the better person that he'd made her.
So, taking a deep breath, she quietly told Hermione everything. Hermione's eyes grew to the size of saucers, and she looked thoroughly amazed. "Rebecca Hardman and Matthew Banner came up with the idea," she stated.
"Matthew Banner?" Hermione gasped, and Cho knew she recognized him as one of the people who had lost family during You-Know-Who's recent attacks. "When ... when was this?"
"He and his girlfriend, Rebecca, who is a Hufflepuff sixth-year ... they came up with the idea during the summer," Cho replied softly. "They passed the message on to friends and acquaintances they trusted, and the news eventually got to me. I signed it ... it was the right thing to do."
Hermione was speechless. Time seemed frozen as the younger girl repeatedly blinked back tears. "That's ... that's ... thank you," she breathed, unable to think of what else to say.
Then, she opened her mouth again, and Cho knew what she was going to ask. So she answered before the question could be verbalized. "You and Ron never saw it because we figured that the governors would take it more seriously if it was signed by people who aren't close to Harry," she explained. "Rebecca and Matthew gave it to McGonagall last week. I'm really hoping she gets to meet again with the governors very soon."
The cogs in Hermione's brain turned, and after a moment, she nodded. "That makes sense," she said quietly. Gazing meaningfully at the other girl, she whispered, "I didn't know Cedric ... not really. But I think he would be proud of you."
Cho smiled, tears filling her eyes again, but she blinked them back. For the first time in months, she felt a little bit of warmth fill her heart.
"I notice that you've been ... not around your friends like you used to be," Hermione said, her eyes sad.
"I'm not who I used to be, so they left me," Cho said, an incredible loneliness filling her at those words.
"That's horrible." Hermione's brown eyes blazed with righteous indignation. "That's so cruel and unfair. What disgusting people." Her voice was hesitant when she spoke next, as if she expected rejection. "Would you ever want to ... just talk to me sometime?" she asked.
Cho's eyes widened in surprise. Hermione Granger wanted to spend more time with her? She was so miserable these days and had practically become a pariah around Hogwarts. "But ... don't you want to spend time with Ron?" she questioned.
Hermione let out a small laugh. "Ron is my best friend. There's no doubt about that." She smiled. "And Ginny's great, too. But you look like you need the company, and you're going through something horrible. I want to be your friend, Cho. You need to know that you're not alone."
For a split second, Cho swore she could feel Cedric's warmth beside her, the gentleness of his voice as he whispered, "I love you." She heard Mrs. Diggory at the funeral as they embraced, and her softly-spoken words: "He would have wanted you to move on, sweetie. Remember him, but move on."
And Cho knew she was right. There wouldn't be a day that went by that she didn't miss Cedric. She would always love him.
But he had given her a precious gift - a gift that was sacred. He had taught her how much life meant - and if she carried on the way she was, she'd be doing him an incredible disservice. She'd always cherish the memories of their time together, and right now, she couldn't imagine being in another romantic relationship.
But she could make new friends. She could learn to take joy out of life again, even though she knew it would take work. To give up on life would be an insult to Cedric's memory.
"I'd like that very much, Hermione." Cho smiled at the younger girl, her first genuine smile in months. "Thank you."