Disclaimer: Nope.
Author's Note: Hey folks. I'm really sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. I was under the weather for several days, so it held me up. I had already started working on the chapter before it happened, and so it took me longer to finish it. Thankfully, I am almost fully recovered and therefore, I am now back up and running. Again, I apologize for leaving you guys hanging, and hope that this chapter makes up for it.
I also wanted to let you know that I will be heading down to ... - guess where? Rock Hall, Maryland! - on Wednesday. Next Thursday, a week from today, is my 38th birthday! I'll be with my family for a wonderful six-day retreat down there, and I'm incredibly lucky. I'm telling you this because I'm honestly not sure how much writing I'll get done there. I am hopeful that I'll be able to get another chapter out before I leave, but of course, I never know what the next week will bring me. I just wanted to warn you in advance. Once I'm down there, if I don't get another chapter out before I get back, I apologize. I promise to get back to it in full force once I return. I wish all of my readers a happy Easter next Sunday, March 31!
Thank you so much for the great reviews. I know that the last chapter was particularly angsty, and I appreciate the good comments I received on it. I knew that chapter was coming, and I'm honestly glad I got it out. It felt good to get all of that out of my system - it's been stuck there for months. That particular chapter came to me during my time away at the end of last year.
Now, this chapter is enormous, plot-wise. Dixon changes his mind about something important, and, because of this, Harry and Sirius try to come to grips with information that rocks their world to its foundations.
By the way, it has always been my suspicion that Dumbledore didn't actually figure out that Nagini was a Horcrux until the Christmas of Harry's fifth year, when he had the vision of the attack on Arthur Weasley and he saw it from the snake's point of view. Since Dumbledore always thought Harry was an inadvertent Horcrux, it makes sense to me that once Harry explained the vision, Dumbledore was able to slot that puzzle piece into place. Dumbledore is very intelligent, but he's also not all-knowing and therefore, to think that he definitely thought it was Nagini all along would be making him superhuman. And, considering that a MAJOR theme of this story is not putting people on pedestals ... well, that just won't do, will it?
The Founders, though - considering Dumbledore knew about Riddle's obsession with them, his suppositions about what the other Horcruxes could be make more sense to me in context. And Dumbledore also knows that Riddle murdered his father and grandparents, and that his mother was Merope Gaunt.
Considering the fact that the attack on Arthur hasn't happened in this story and the Horcruxes are being talked about, Dumbledore doesn't realize this about Nagini yet. Therefore, the whole explanation is a little different when it comes to guessing what the other Horcruxes are. Of course, since it's only October of Harry's fifth year now, the attack wouldn't have happened yet anyway. But, this isn't canon, and I will spoil one more thing about this story. I already said Sirius isn't going to fall through the veil - well, Arthur's not going to be bitten by Nagini either. I hope you enjoy where I take things instead.
xxxxxxxxxx
Arnold Dixon was reeling.
The intensity of the memory he had just lived through with Sirius had almost knocked him off of his feet. The amount of raw worry, terror, relief, rage, and acceptance ... Dixon had felt all of those things himself.
That was what Mind Healers grew to understand when performing Legilimency on their patients. It was different than looking in a Pensieve, because you couldn't feel the emotions of whoever had put the memory in there. With Legilimency, however, you felt everything the other person did. It gave a whole new meaning to empathy.
It might have been a memory from sixteen years ago, but the emotions it produced still buffeted through Dixon as he sat quietly in his normal deck chair in Rock Hall, Maryland. As he breathed in the fresh air, his mind was in turmoil.
The level of fury in Sirius when he had found out that Sturgis had been safe for hours and he hadn't known, and the fact that he'd been dismissed like that ... it caused Dixon to see his own actions in an entirely different light. He, after all, was keeping something absolutely enormous from him. Harry's guardian, the person who loved him more than anyone. If anyone should know what Harry was facing, it should be Sirius.
Dixon didn't regret not telling Dumbledore everything that had happened since coming here to Rock Hall. The old man's penchant for meddling was such that ... well ... he was better off not knowing. And his ordeal had been so horrific that he honestly needed the time to recover.
But Sirius ... he knew that there was a strong possibility that once Sirius knew about Voldemort having seven Horcruxes, not one, and one of his soul pieces lived inside Harry ... the consequences could be huge for himself. Sirius might not ever trust him again ... and for good reason. This was a very different situation than what had happened with Sturgis, and Dixon didn't think Sirius would be willing to look past the dishonesty.
But Dixon had to do the right thing, even if it meant losing Sirius as a patient, even if it meant he would take the brunt of Sirius's fury. He also knew that Dumbledore, too, would be on the receiving end of Sirius's rage, and, honestly, Dixon didn't feel all that guilty over the prospect of that. Dumbledore, after all, had been so positive that Harry would have to give up his life. Dixon shuddered as he imagined Sirius's reaction to that.
And Dixon knew that Harry had to be informed, too. But how would he handle it? How could someone who was still - despite everything he'd been through - a child, grapple with the horror, fear, and uncertainty this news would bring? But how could Dixon, in good conscience, not tell him? For once, Dixon couldn't bask in the glow of the sun on his face as he agonized over the tangled knot that this had all become.
But every time he recalled Sirius's face as he screamed at Sturgis, the realization kept crashing over him that in the end, there was only one thing that he could do.
xxx
Harry's tutoring sessions were finished for the day, and therefore, he was relaxing in his room. In a couple of hours, Sturgis's normal evening gathering would take place, and he was looking forward to it. As the days passed, he was growing to appreciate them more and more, and he cherished his acceptance by the Order members who gathered there.
He was admiring one of the Quidditch posters that Sirius had hung on the wall for him when he heard his name being called from downstairs. "Harry, kiddo? Could you come down here, please?"
Harry didn't like the note of dread that Sirius's voice contained. At times like this, it couldn't mean anything good at all. Stopping his admiration of the Quidditch team's Seeker abruptly, he headed out of his room and made his way downstairs as quickly as he could.
Sirius was sitting in the drawing room, his face pensive and worried. Healer Dixon was sitting across from him. This was unusual, Harry thought, as Sirius had had his session that morning and Dixon never came twice a day. And he definitely didn't call Harry in to talk to him.
"Sirius? Healer Dixon?" Harry asked quietly. "What's going on? What's wrong?"
"I have come to speak to you and your godfather, Mr. Potter," Dixon said slowly, and the fact that he didn't dispute Harry's instinct that something was wrong only made the dread grow inside him. He was positive that someone like Dixon would have instantly reassured him if this wasn't the case.
"Please, sit down," Dixon added. Sirius patted the spot next to him on the sofa, and Harry immediately took that seat. It was their customary spot, and despite the jitters in his stomach, Harry instantly felt better knowing that Sirius was beside him. They'd face this like they had everything else - together.
"Is it Dumbledore?" Sirius asked. "Does this concern him?"
"Yes. It very much does." Dixon nodded, and Harry noticed that there was no emotion in his face or voice. He spoke with a very professional demeanor, the kind that made Harry wonder if this was how Healers acted when they told a patient's family bad news.
"Has he gotten worse?" Harry asked, his voice going up in pitch as worry for his Headmaster filled him.
"No." Dixon immediately shook his head, and Harry audibly sighed with relief. "As a matter of fact, he is fully healed. I would be remiss if I didn't inform you that he will be returning to Britain on Wednesday."
Harry felt his heart jump. Fully healed - oh, thank Merlin. He thought of the wise old man who he had trusted for four years, who had been compassionate and kind towards him, whose blue eyes twinkled down at him. It would be good to see his Headmaster again.
But in the next second, he thought of everything Sirius had told him, all the worries and fears he possessed. And when he looked at Sirius's face, he saw those doubts and fears displayed all over again. His whisper of, "So soon?" was barely audible as he put an arm around Harry in a protective embrace. It couldn't be more clear that he thought Dumbledore would waltz back into their lives and cause Harry harm.
"What's going to happen to Hogwarts? To the Order?" Harry asked, thinking of how Sturgis had taken over Order duties, and how McGonagall was now running Hogwarts.
"It's a decision that will need to be made by everyone involved," Dixon replied. "I can't pretend to predict what they'll decide."
"Well, if I know one thing for sure, he's not taking Harry away from me." Sirius's voice was suddenly low, and it held a threatening note in it that Harry had heard on a few occasions. He knew that it would be very, very bad indeed for Dumbledore if he was on the receiving end of that fury. He saw the fierce love in Sirius's eyes, and was once again bowled over by anyone showing that level of devotion to him.
"No, he won't." Harry was extremely surprised when he heard the emotion return to Dixon's voice, and it was somehow very profound. Harry didn't know Dixon all that well, so he wondered how there was such feeling there.
"I do not normally speak about my patients to others. I usually aspire to stick to my Healer's ethics as much as possible," Dixon explained. "But in this case ..." He paused, and his gaze was direct as he looked at Harry. "How Albus has meddled in your life is wrong," he said, his voice containing an immense power that, eerily, reminded him of when Dumbledore had confronted Lucius Malfoy after he, Ron, and Ginny had escaped from the Chamber of Secrets. "Even if he meant well."
Several different emotions flitted across Sirius's face as he and Dixon locked eyes. "You will protect him." It was a statement, not a question. "You won't let Dumbledore dictate his life."
"I will." The fierce promise in Dixon's words caused a wave of emotion to swell up in Harry, and he tightened his arms around Sirius. He was unsure of what was going to happen in the coming days, but he knew that he had two allies right here in this room that would not let him be harmed.
After a long moment of profound silence, Sirius stated, "There's more." Once again, it wasn't a question.
"There is." If Harry wasn't mistaken, he was seeing guilt in Dixon's eyes. "There are ... several things I have been keeping from you. In many ways, I have been just as deceitful as Albus Dumbledore. I have acted no better than him, and for that, I apologize profusely."
Harry saw Sirius's face go pale, and he held onto Harry even tighter. Unconsciously, Harry strengthened his own hold, something in his stomach knotting up.
"What?" Sirius whispered. "What is it?"
xxx
At first, Sirius wasn't shocked at all to learn that Dumbledore had known all along about the Horcrux that Jonathan Henderson had destroyed. He had always suspected that the old man had known such a thing. Why wouldn't he? And why wouldn't he keep the information to himself, thinking that he, as the authority on all things Voldemort, should keep his cards close until he thought it was the perfect time to tell any lowly mortals about it? If he had only thought to trust someone, Voldemort could have been destroyed well before he had the chance to return to power. Though none of this surprised him, it enraged him all the same.
"That's Dumbledore for you." His voice was curt as he tried to fight the anger roiling inside him. His godson wouldn't have been put through all the anguish he had endured if Voldemort could have just been stopped ages ago.
Somehow, Sirius's anger made Dixon look even more devastated. "Sirius. Harry." There was something so sad about his eyes at that moment. "There isn't just one Horcrux."
There was a strange ringing in Sirius's ears that was rather ... curious. Sirius suddenly felt like the world was very, very far away. There was no such thing as gravity, and nothing existed. Nothing at all. Well ... nothing except the boy he had his arms around. Nothing except the sight of that boy's horrified emerald eyes.
In the next second, feeling returned to Sirius. Sensations came in a barrage, filling every atom of his body.
It was unimaginable. Unbelievable. Horrible. Terrifying. Unthinkable. Insane.
Yet it made all the sense in the world.
He recalled, with crystal clarity, the instinctive feelings of everything still not being right when he'd heard that Henderson had destroyed the locket his little brother had died for. During his Aoror training, Sturgis had always reiterated that his instincts had been good. "Rather like mine," he'd said with a smile on his face, his ego making Sirius laugh.
And now, Sirius had been right again, although he hadn't realized just how horrific the situation was. He usually loved when he was right - but not in moments like this. Merlin above - not in moments like this.
"There's more than one?" Sirius's whisper was hoarse, as something was constricting his throat. "Just how many Horcruxes are there?"
"Sirius." Dixon spoke softly, but his reassuring cadence did nothing to stem the flow of Sirius's racing thoughts. "Before I tell you this ..."
"Please." Sirius said desperately. "Please, Arnold. I need to know."
"Two others have already been destroyed," Dixon said quietly. "The diary, in Harry's second year ..."
"That was a Horcrux?" They were the first words Harry had spoken. Sirius's heart broke at the shadows in his godson's eyes. "The diary?"
"Yes," Dixon replied, looking at Harry with obvious compassion. "You destroyed a Horcrux that day."
"Why ... why didn't Dumbledore say anything to me?" Harry asked, the shock in his voice making Sirius's heart ache.
"Because," Dixon said, "he thought you were too young to know. He didn't wish to place such a heavy burden upon your shoulders."
Sirius's emotions were so mixed up. He didn't know what to feel. At that time, Harry had only been twelve years old and had just come through an extremely frightening ordeal. And hadn't Sirius done the same this summer, keeping something as enormous as the prophecy from him?
Sirius could understand Dumbledore's reasoning for not telling Harry. But why not tell anyone else, the adults he trusted implicitly? It was obvious that he and Alastor Moody were thick as thieves. And the others who had been in the Order during the First War ... couldn't he have told some of them?
"What ... what are the other Horcruxes?" Harry croaked. "How many more of them are there?"
"There is one other that has been destroyed as well as the diary and the locket, as I mentioned," Dixon said softly. "On Thursday night, me and one of my contacts who works in the same department as Jonathan Henderson, destroyed a ring."
Sirius and Harry listened in both awe and horror as Dixon explained the entire story of the Gaunt shack, and the ring that had given off such a sinister vibe. Sirius still couldn't detach himself from the sense of non-reality that pervaded every inch of his soul. This couldn't really be happening - could it?
"How many more of them are there?" he persisted, his dread increasing with every second. Dixon was trying to stall as long as possible before answering the question, which did not bode well.
But then, Dixon finally answered it. "There are four more. Or at least, Dumbledore suspects as much," he whispered, as if saying the words in his quietest voice would somehow take away the enormity of them.
But of course, that wasn't the case. Sirius was having trouble drawing breath now, and he couldn't see straight. The world was spinning, and everything was blurry around him. "Four?" The amount of horror in his voice was enough to freeze the Earth's atmosphere.
In his arms, Harry had begun to shake, his mouth opening and closing. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths and trying to stay brave. But it was obvious that he was terrified, and Sirius knew there was absolutely no shame in it. Sirius had always maintained that he was not afraid of the monsters that were Voldemort and the Death Eaters, but now, he realized that he had been incredibly wrong. Terror gripped him, the feeling completely smothering him with its raw intensity. "Why?" Harry choked. "How? How could he do such a thing? How is it even possible? He ... he made SEVEN Horcruxes?" He buried his face in Sirius's chest, and Sirius was all too willing to let him. He didn't want to face the world after such a revelation either.
"Seven is a very powerful magical number," Dixon explained, not at all bothered by the emotional display in front of him. If anything, he seemed glad that godfather and godson were depending on each other in this moment. "Albus has always had suspicions about Tom Riddle. Over time, he has obtained memories from people who knew him and his ancestors."
"What have his bloody ancestors got to do with anything?" Desperation and fear was turning into anger, a defense mechanism that Sirius often didn't realize was happening until it came upon him. "Shouldn't he be focusing on destroying these things?" He breathed deeply, instantly chastizing himself for losing his temper. He had to regain control - he couldn't fall apart, not when Harry lay in his arms, his breaths shallow and shaky.
Dixon, however, did not take any offense, understanding just how volatile the situation was. "Remember, he is the heir of Salazar Slytherin," he reminded Sirius. "His ancestors are very crucial to this situation. And because of the memories Albus has collected, he has been able to make some estimated guesses as to what some of these Horcruxes are. Riddle had a particular obsession with the Hogwarts Founders, not just Salazar Slytherin. But as far as he is concerned ... that locket belonged to him."
"Of course it did." Sirius could have kicked himself as he remembered the ornate S on the locket. Regulus ... an incredibly strong wave of pain swept through him. He remembered the letters to Voldemort that Regulus had written, those angry letters that spoke of vengeance and betrayal and revenge, and that the Dark Lord would be mortal once more. It was obvious that Regulus had no clue that there was more than one Horcrux to destroy. Sirius thanked Merlin that he hadn't had to die with that knowledge.
"So, what now?" Harry's voice was tiny. "What does Dumbledore think the other ones are? And where do we even find them?"
Sirius saw that Dixon was hesitating again, and his dread mounted. There couldn't be anything worse than what he'd just been told ... could there?
"As I have said, Riddle had an obsession with the Hogwarts Founders," the Mind Healer explained. "There are four more Horcruxes left, and Salazar Slytherin has been the only Founder that has had a Horcrux attached to a relic belonging to them. Therefore, it is Albus's supposition, and mine, that Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, and Rowena Ravenclaw should be researched. And make no mistake," he said, his eyes intense. "I am taking care of it."
"You?" Sirius demanded. "Shouldn't the Order be doing this? Why is it any business of yours to go after these Horcruxes? I mean ... I know you and Finkle destroyed one, and I, for one, am exceedingly grateful. But why have you not told the Order about this?" The shock of everything he'd learned was slowly starting to sink in, and a sharp knife of betrayal plunged through his heart as realization crashed over him.
"You ... you have known about these damned Horcruxes since you started healing Dumbledore's mind, haven't you?" The accusation was thick in Sirius's voice, but he couldn't care less as he glowered at the Healer. It was a very familiar feeling, and it reminded him of the memory he'd relived just that morning - glowering at Sturgis as he was told that the man had been safe for hours, and he hadn't known because Sturgis hadn't bothered to tell him.
"Yes." Dixon didn't balk at the accusation nor deny it. "Yes, Sirius. I have known about these Horcruxes since I started healing Albus's mind. And yes, I confess that I was not going to reveal any of this information until the time was right. Robert Finkle is extremely proficient in sussing out and destroying dark objects. We wished to take care of these Horcruxes without anyone being the wiser."
"So what changed?" Sirius felt cold all over, his heart racing. If he hadn't still been holding Harry, he'd have jumped to his feet. Merlin - he'd let Dixon enter his mind, again and again and again. He'd trusted him, trusted him with his innermost secrets and most horrific demons. And Dixon had ... he had ...
"I understand, Sirius. You have every right to be furious with me. I would not blame you if you never wanted to have a session with me again." Dixon's words were open and honest, and he didn't even attempt to defend his actions, but Sirius couldn't see past the haze of anger and betrayal that blinded him.
"And ... you ask what changed," Dixon said quietly. "I realized, after our session this morning, that this particular information should have never been kept from you."
Harry suddenly spoke, lifting his head from Sirius's chest and facing Dixon with the courage Sirius had always seen in him. "YOU must know about the prophecy too," he whispered.
Dixon looked incredibly sad then. "Yes, I do," he admitted quietly.
There was something extremely ... haunting about Dixon's countenance at that moment, and if it were even possible, the blood in Sirius's veins grew even colder. It honestly felt as though ice were running through him. "Why are you looking at Harry like that?" Instead of sounding hostile, however, Sirius sounded incredibly frightened when speaking.
"You're not going to be alone, Harry. You're going to survive this war. I will make sure of it."
Dixon had attempted to sound reassuring, but Sirius heard something in the words that sounded ominous. There was an almost ... desperate quality to them, like Dixon wasn't actually telling Harry this at all. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself of such a thing.
"Of course he is!" Sirius suddenly roared, alarm bells blaring in his head. Every single one of his senses was on heightened alert. He gripped Harry tightly, but the boy wasn't objecting. He was looking back and forth between Sirius and Dixon, confusion and fear written all over his face. The tension between the two men was so thick that it permeated every centimeter of Grimmauld Place's drawing room.
"Harry." Dixon spoke very, very softly. "I have seen that last year, you spoke with Albus about ... dreams you had. Visions. You saw exactly what Voldemort was doing. Now, I'm going to ask you something very personal. Have these visions continued?" He looked like he already knew the answer.
Sirius felt a tendril of something very ... dark and foreboding touch his heart at the sudden, unexpected turn the conversation had taken. Harry, still looking confused, slowly responded, "Yes, they have. But they're ... different from last year. After he returned, it's like ... whenever I have that kind of dream ... I'm him."
"You aren't him, Harry. You're never him," Sirius said instantly. Every time Harry said those words, it felt like Sirius's heart was being shattered to pieces.
"Sirius is right, Harry. You are not Voldemort." Dixon's eyes were shadowed. "You did not kill those people. That, beyond anything, is what you must understand."
"I ... I know," Harry said softly. "The last two times, I've been able to ... to wake up during them."
"He's saved lives by doing that," Sirius said quietly, love and sadness shining in his eyes.
Dixon nodded in understanding, needing no further elaboration. "I did wonder how Voldemort and the Death Eaters were being intercepted. I've read the Prophet reports," he said. "And therefore, Harry, you must understand that whenever you feel Voldemort's emotions, they do not belong to you. And I know it is easier said than done, and it will especially be after what I'm about to tell you."
Sirius felt the ice that was creeping through his body make its way to his heart. He couldn't breathe. He felt like he was on the precipice of something absolutely life-changing. He saw the same horror reflected in Harry's eyes. Every second that passed seemed to last for an eternity. It was like time had stopped and it refused to move forward.
"What? What is it?" Did Harry whisper those words, or had Sirius imagined it? "What's going on?"
Dixon looked desperately sad. "On Halloween 1981, when Voldemort killed your parents, your mother shielded you with her own life," he whispered. "She put herself in between you and Voldemort, and as you know, it was her loving sacrifice that saved you. Voldemort gave her the chance to step aside, and she didn't take it."
Sirius knew that that was exactly how things had gone. Lily would NEVER have stepped aside. Never. As James wouldn't have. As Sirius himself wouldn't. Pain suffused his heart as he imagined the last moments of someone he had grown to love like a sister. He couldn't fathom her fear and desperation - he had known how much she loved her son. He remembered her expression as she sang lullabies to him, as she fed him, as she watched him play with his toys. It was crystal clear that she would have done anything to protect him, even if it meant traversing the fiery pits of Hell itself.
He couldn't help but wonder why it was that Voldemort had offered her the chance to step aside at all. Normally, he just murdered without a second thought. Why would he have given her the chance to walk away? It didn't make any sense.
"Of course, the reason Voldemort's own killing curse didn't end him was because of his Horcruxes," Dixon explained, still in a whisper. "Instead, his soul was obliterated from his body. Only his robes were recovered from the wreckage of Godric's Hollow. His wand was not there, and so it is Albus's belief that one of his servants took it for safekeeping."
"Pettigrew." Sirius uttered the name with loathing. The thought of Peter at the scene of the crime, seeing James and Lily's bodies, listening to an infant Harry crying his eyes out made him sick to his stomach. He tried to remove the image from his mind as quickly as possible.
"That is my belief, too," Dixon agreed. "In any case, when Albus came to the crime scene that night, he felt a huge amount of dark magic. Most witches and wizards can't achieve this, but Dumbledore is one of those that can actually feel it in the air. And then," he said quietly, making direct eye contact with Harry, "he noticed your scar."
Sirius's heart stopped. Everything in his world went silent. He felt like he actually wasn't breathing anymore as a horrific, gut-wrenching realization began to dawn.
No. No. No. No. Nonononononono. Dixon wasn't saying ... he wasn't ... he wasn't ...
"Voldemort had already created multiple Horcruxes," Dixon went on, and Sirius clutched Harry tightly, hearing the words from very far away but somehow registering every one of them like they were the loudest noises in the world. "It is very dangerous for anyone to make even one Horcrux. When Voldemort attempted to kill you, his soul was extremely unstable. Therefore, when the spell backfired, part of his soul latched onto the only living thing left in that collapsing building."
And it was at that moment that Sirius's world ended as the implications of what Dixon was saying crashed upon him. He couldn't help what happened next - "NOOO!" he cried out in horror, in denial, in grief, in soul-crushing agony. "You're lying!" he bellowed at Dixon, a sudden influx of tears blinding him. "You're lying! You're lying!"
"I'm not." Dixon's voice was quiet and contained an entire world of pain.
"He's not." Sirius didn't think his own soul could shatter any more than it already had, but Harry's soft-spoken words proved him wrong. "He's not lying, Sirius. He's ... he's right. I can feel it. Everything ... everything makes sense." He looked at Dixon, those beautiful, heartbreaking emerald eyes sparkling with unshed tears. "Does that mean that ... in order to destroy him ... I have to ... have to ..."
Sirius was openly weeping. "No, Harry, no! Don't say it, please don't say it. Please ... please ..." This couldn't be real. This had to be a nightmare. This was some ... effect of the Dementors, right? Sirius had never escaped Azkaban at all. He was still there and his mind was playing tricks on him, because this couldn't be happening.
Dixon looked at Harry and Sirius, struggling to control his own emotions. "No, Harry. You do not have to die to destroy him. If it's the last thing I do on this planet, I will ensure that you survive this war, and that this Horcrux is out of you for good."
"How ... how?" Harry was crying now, too, clinging to Sirius and burying his face in his neck. "How do we ... get this thing out of me?"
"The Mind Healers are almost there. They're very close to making a breakthrough." Dixon's voice was unyielding, as though he were desperate to hold onto any hope himself. "I am very well acquainted with several Mind Healers in the United States who have been researching this very area. I will arrange for you and Sirius to come to America to meet them this weekend. They have been sworn to the utmost secrecy on this matter, and will suffer SEVERE consequences if they tell a soul." The look in Dixon's eyes conveyed complete honesty.
Sirius felt sick. He held onto a sobbing Harry, tears streaking down his own face. "Please ... please help us," he begged, and he didn't even have it in him to feel any shame that he, a grown man, was pleading, something that he had vowed to never, ever do. Merlin, he'd been so arrogant, to think himself above that. As he clutched Harry, the boy he loved beyond his own life, the boy that was his heart, his soul, his eternity, he knew that losing him would be beyond his ability to handle. An image of the entire wizarding world celebrating Voldemort's defeat while Sirius clutched a lifeless Harry in his arms, those beautiful green eyes vacant forever, flew through his mind, and he shook uncontrollably. Living without Harry would be an impossibility.
And Harry deserved to live in a world without Voldemort. Harry deserved to have a future, to live a life where monsters weren't constantly chasing him. He deserved to find love, to get married, to have children if he wanted to. If he wished to stay single, Sirius obviously had no problem with that, either. Harry deserved to grow up and go through all the milestones that a life should hold. He had already been through so much, and the world was so cruel. Harry had given Sirius hope when there had been none of it left. Merlin, Harry needed to live. There was no one who deserved it more.
"Sirius. Harry." Dixon spoke again. "It will be all right. Please - please come this weekend. I will arrange it." Sirius didn't see it, so lost was he in his anguish, but Dixon was blinking back tears. "You're going to live, Harry," he whispered. "You're going to survive this war, and spend the rest of your life surrounded by loved ones. I promise."
Sirius didn't know how the man could make such a promise. Right now, he felt empty and hopeless and completely lost in despair.
"I believe him."
How was it, Sirius thought, that Harry always had a way of reaching through the storm and finding that tiny ray of sunlight?
His godson stared at him. He was still crying, but he was looking at him with a gaze that spoke volumes. "There's a way?" he whispered. "Because ... I want Voldemort destroyed more than anything." He looked at Sirius, and their gazes locked. "But ... I want to live through this, too. Because I truly have so much to live for."
Sirius closed his eyes, holding Harry close. He knew there was nothing, nothing he wasn't willing to do to save his godson.
Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't want anything more to do with Arnold Dixon. Not ever again. He'd kept such enormous, valuable information from him, and the betrayal consumed every part of him.
But if the path to Harry's salvation was Arnold Dixon, he would put all of that aside. Because he didn't care what it took - if Dixon was so sure that Harry could make it through this, he would move Heaven and Earth itself to make it happen.
"We'll come." Sirius croaked, kissing Harry's forehead, knowing that it was his very existence that lay in his arms.
The boy nodded against him. "Yes, we will," he agreed quietly.