Troubled Mind

I've asked myself a thousand times,
When will I be done?
To cease the fight and just relax?
But answer, I have none.

I yelled at Kai the other day,
To the shock of all.
He'd made some off-hand comment
About a recent fall.

"You don't how hard it's been,
For me throughout the years."
I had yelled as I got up,
Struggling to hide the tears.

"I train and fight and train some more,
And still I wonder why,
With everything you say to me,
Should I even try?

You criticize all that I make,
What I say and what I do,
And yet I have laid down my life,
In attempts to rescue you!"

The silence that befell the room,
Was deafening to the ear.
But with what I had to say, I felt,
It was what they need to hear.

"So what if I've had a better start?
That has nothing to do with now.
You verbally put down a friend.
Tell me, how is that allowed?

You've always got me thinking
Why do you hate me so?
Do you really want me gone?
'Cause if you do, I'll go."

When still I received no reply,
All I did was shake my head
And made my way back to my room,
Where I lay upon my bed.

And as I lay there on my bed,
My thoughts went back in time,
Where the only fights I had to deal with,
Were merely schoolyard crimes.

Where broken bones and bloody wounds,
Were caused by push and shove.
And punches never hurt as bad,
As those from a spiked glove.

The bruises that I gain now,
Aren't just for skin to show.
They bruise the mind and heart as well,
Not to mention the ego.

I didn't get to sleep that night.
Not a wink at all.
In fact, I somehow found myself
making my way down the hall.

I found myself in the kitchen,
Making a drink nice and hot,
Then I sat myself at the table
Where my mind continued making knots.

It's true that we have all fought,
Fought as our lives are long.
But where the others know who they are,
I question where I went wrong.

The others know their parents,
The ones who gave them life.
But guessing who my parents are
Causes too much strife.

I don't remember what caused the tears
To finally cascade down my face.
Or even when the sun arose
To warm up the place.

My hot chocolate had gone cold
By the time my mind woke up.
At which time I finally noticed,
The second, red coloured cup.

Around that cup were two tanned hands
That had seen lots of work.
And those two hands belonged to Kai,
Who wore not his trademark smirk.

"I'm sorry, Jay, I should have known
The trouble that I caused.
What you said last night, well,
It really gave me pause.

I do see us as friends, you know,
And I don't want that lost.
I'll make it up to you, I swear,
Just tell me the cost."

But what cost should there be
For friendships that are torn?
Especially when this friendship, well,
I don't really want it mourned.

I told him that, I will admit,
I understand how he fought hard,
To give up his own childhood.
I understand that he'd be scarred.

But I questioned if he understood,
That I was scarred as well.
Despite what Ma and Pa did for me,
Being bullied was, too, a living hell.

We talked it through like civil men,
While the others kept away.
And I got the feeling, as we talked,
That our friendship would strongly stay.

Now Kai is the only one I've told,
Of secrets dark and grim.
So I hope he realises just
How much trust I have in him.

To pull me back from Danger's call
And walk right by my side
If ever I truly lost my way
And thought to stop this ride.

I trust that he will cease his taunts,
And think before he speaks.
That because of this, our friendship
Will grow stronger, not grow weak.

But still I ask myself at times,
When will I be done?
To cease the fight and just relax?
Still answer, I have none.

- Jay Walker