Disclaimer: Nope.
Author's Note: Hi folks! I'm back from my vacation, and I truly had a wonderful time. There's nowhere else in the world like Rock Hall, Maryland. Like Arnold Dixon, I wonder how the place can even be located on Earth. It's truly otherworldly and one of those places where all your worries go away, and you can just bask in the peacefulness and serenity of it. There are so many birds there that it's unbelievable. It just goes to show you that becoming one with nature can relieve all of life's little stresses. There's nothing quite like it, and I believe it can refuel and recharge anyone.
Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! I love everyone's points and speculation about Dumbledore. I agree with many of the things everyone has said, especially about his past with Ariana and what that turned him into.
As for the blood wards, there has been plenty of speculation about that in many a fanfic. Maybe it really has merit that blood wards are more powerful than any others, but honestly, because of what the Dursleys are like, I do think there could have been other solutions so that Harry could have grown up loved. I've seen it posited that he could have even lived at Hogwarts. Considering his fame, he might have had a difficult time of it there, too, but ANYTHING would have been better than the Dursleys. After all, what's the point of protecting someone from the monsters outside their home when they cannot be protected from the monsters inside it?
As far as Sirius's anger at Harry's abuse by the Dursleys - have no doubt, he's absolutely furious. His rage knows no bounds. It's just that he knows that if he wants to be the guardian Harry needs, he needs to hold it together in front of him. It's different from how he acts in canon because, in this timeline, he's actually allowed to heal from his time in Azkaban, and he knows that his rage has landed him in deep trouble before. And the last thing he wants to do is jeopardize his relationship with Harry. Watch out, though - you'll certainly see fireworks in Sirius's next confrontation with Dumbledore.
Anyway, here's the next chapter. I really hope you enjoy it.
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Never had Minerva McGonagall felt more mixed up and confused in her entire life as she walked out of the castle and to the gates. She passed several Aurors who were currently guarding the castle, looking for any suspicious activity. She knew they were there, although she didn't see them. They had found ways to be as discreet as possible.
Throughout the day, she had been taking deep breaths, trying to prepare herself for whatever was to come. But now that the time was upon her, she realized that she could never properly prepare for such an occasion.
She had just received a Patronus. A very familiar phoenix Patronus. And she'd known it would come sometime today.
After all, today was Wednesday. And Albus Dumbledore was now back in Britain.
It wasn't at all a surprise that he had instantly come to Hogwarts to seek her out. Minerva had no doubt that he would be eager to take up where he left off - as Headmaster of Hogwarts. And she was positive that he would also want to lead the Order again, as well.
Throughout her life, Minerva McGonagall had had an incredible amount of respect for Dumbledore - and, she had to admit, she had been intimidated by him as well. As the years had passed, she'd gotten to know him on a much more personal level, and she had been in awe of him. It had been so hard to say no to any of his orders, even when her conscience warned her that there was something morally wrong with what he was saying. She supposed that a part of her had never lost that intimidated feeling she had gotten as a schoolgirl.
But now, after the realizations she'd come to, she knew that Albus Dumbledore was only human. She'd realized she had been ridiculous and let the power he exuded get the best of her. The feelings of awe and respect she had once held for him had battled with the knowledge that he'd handled so many things wrongly.
Of course, she still felt incredibly nauseated when she thought of what had happened to Albus. The depths of depravity those so-called Mind Healers had sunk to were horrendous. And the fact that Cornelius Fudge had agreed to such a plan was diabolical. She couldn't even fathom the torture Albus's mind had undergone.
But still, despite the incredible amount of sympathy she had for him, she could not allow herself to resume her old role. She couldn't lie down and accept everything he said.
And especially not after yesterday.
Yesterday, at the Order meeting for the more seasoned members, she had discovered revelations that had completely ended her world as she knew it. She had always known that Albus Dumbledore had kept too much information to himself, despite his constant refrain of trusting certain people implicitly. In the past, he'd always been incredibly convincing with his reasoning as to why he held his cards so close.
But this ... Minerva's heart ached as she remembered Harry's face the day before, and how Sirius was barely able to keep it together. His distraught expression had shown his obvious pain at the revelation that Harry was ... that he was ...
Minerva shied away from the thoughts that came at her. She once again felt her heart constrict. She took another deep breath, willing herself to stay in control. She needed to face Albus with her normal decorum, and handle the coming confrontation with the poise and grace she often prided herself for displaying.
And there he was. His familiar visage, the white beard, his half-moon spectacles ... they reminded her of a time when she believed in everything he said without question. There had been a security and safety in leaving everything to him, something that she had realized was not as sturdy as she'd thought. As she saw him standing at the gates, an incredible feeling of nostalgia rose up within her, but she violently tamped it down, using Harry and Sirius's faces as her anchor.
As she got closer, however, she saw something very different about her old employer and friend. The way he carried himself was unlike anything she'd seen before, and she realized it within seconds of setting eyes on him. There was something in his expression that spoke of trauma, and the eyes that had twinkled with such certainty at his course of action were much duller than she remembered.
It wasn't that much of a surprise, Minerva thought as her heart flipped in her chest. Though he obviously didn't remember the assault on his mind, it had to have caused an immense amount of self-doubt to know that such a thing had happened to him, and he couldn't stop it. She knew Albus well enough to realize that his mind was his most important asset. The fact that someone had violated it to such an extent ... to a man like Albus, it was the worst possibility in the world.
And Minerva couldn't help herself. There was so much she wanted to say to him, so many reasons she knew many of his past actions had been wrong. She was truly disillusioned with Albus for the first time in her life. She understood that things were never going to be the same between them again. But right now, as she finally reached him and saw him smile at her, she had no regrets about pulling her old friend into an embrace.
Her heart hurt as she did so - he was much thinner than she remembered. He seemed - frail, somehow. And his smile was much less certain - there was something behind it now that didn't sit right with her at all.
"Hello, Albus." She didn't quite know if she'd managed to keep the pain out of her voice. "Welcome back."
"Minerva." Even his voice was different from how she remembered it. She was heartened, though, when he returned her embrace, and there was still warmth in it. She could tell that he was genuinely happy to see her.
"Are you ... are you well?" Instantly, Minerva cursed herself for asking such an incredibly stupid question. She suddenly felt completely lost and tongue-tied around this man that she knew so well, because so many feelings were currently bombarding her as images from yesterday invaded her mind. After the meeting with the more seasoned members of the Order, Harry and Sirius had met with her, Sturgis, Moody, and Bill. If finding out that Voldemort had three more Horcruxes to destroy was horrific, which it most assuredly was, the news Harry had to impart about a fourth one to those who knew about the scar link was perhaps one of the worst moments Minerva had experienced in a long time. The memories flowed through her - Sturgis, looking overwhelmed as Harry shakily explained that he had a piece of Voldemort's soul trapped inside him. Moody, his firm voice reassuring him that if the best Mind Healers had almost discovered a breakthrough, then there was still hope. Bill, holding Harry's shoulders, looking him directly in the eye and telling him to rid himself of any notions that he was somehow tainted because a shard of Voldemort was inside him. The look in the boy's emerald eyes had broken Minerva's heart - how did this young boy deserve any of this? How could anyone bear up under the weight of it all?
And Albus ... he'd known. He'd known all along, and not said anything. Why hadn't he asked anyone for help? Surely, he wanted Harry to survive this war? All of it jangled around inside Minerva's head, and it was exceedingly hard to make sense of any of it.
"I am much better, thank you, Minerva." He smiled gently at her. "Shall we go to my office?"
"We shall go to the staffroom first," Minerva said firmly. "I told the teachers to go there after classes, as I was positive that you would be here by then. And, indeed, classes have just ended, and you are here."
"Ah, you know me too well." Albus's eyes brightened for just a moment, and Minerva felt a swell of emotion hit her as she recognized the familiar look in them. She recalled the old days when he had been the one to teach her Transfiguration - he had been her inspiration and her role model back then.
They were quiet on the way to the staffroom. Minerva couldn't help but notice how Albus's eyes seemed to be looking at every nook and cranny in almost a desperate manner. It was understandable, though - Hogwarts was his home, and after the horrific ordeal that he had endured, it must be incredible to see it again.
Albus caught Minerva gazing at him, and he voiced his thoughts. "It looks no different." He sounded ... wistful. She caught the words he didn't say - but everything is different, and looks can be deceiving.
Minerva only nodded, not knowing what to say to that. Everything had indeed changed, but the castle still stood strong and resilient. Minerva could only hope that the wizarding world would do the same.
As they entered the staffroom, Minerva noticed that everyone was sitting down at the long table. Some of them had cups of tea in front of them, and Minerva was amused to see several of them munching on the tin of biscuits that were on the table. Filius, in particular, was especially enthusiastic about them, and it had always been that way.
The moment the staff caught sight of Albus, many of them stood. They all wore serious expressions as they took turns to greet him, and they all looked over him critically, every single one of them aware of all he had been through. Even Professors Binns and Trelawney, who never made it a point to be in the staffroom very often, were there to welcome him back.
The only one Albus didn't know, of course, was Professor Fiona Giddens. She introduced herself, and Minerva could see that she was guarded around Dumbledore - she did not quite trust him.
Dumbledore studied her carefully, as if sizing her up. "So you have taught Defense Against the Dark Arts in America, I presume?" he asked. "At which school were you educating young minds?"
"Salem, Massachusetts," Fiona answered. "I taught there for a decade."
"Well, we are very gratified to have you on our staff," Dumbledore said with a smile. "The more help we can receive in this war, the better."
"Indeed," Fiona replied, still guarded. It was almost like watching a duel, except it was in verbal form and there were no insults being exchanged. Minerva couldn't help but feel as though Dumbledore was already scheming, and Fiona Giddens looked as though she was not at all fooled by it. She was going to help in the war as she saw fit - she would not capitulate to whatever plans Albus had for her.
Professor Dillen Philand was cheerful, his smile bright. He didn't seem at all put out by the fact that Albus's return meant that Minerva would resume her role as Transfiguration professor, and so Philand's time at Hogwarts was over.
"For Merlin's sake, Minerva. Quit looking at me like that," he had said just that morning over breakfast in the Great Hall. "I have always known my position here was temporary. I couldn't be more grateful that you allowed me to teach here - I have thoroughly enjoyed it." His eyes swept over the hall. "I daresay that many of the students have enjoyed it as well."
If Minerva hadn't recognized his tone, she might have thought he was bragging. But he wasn't, as there was a teasing note behind it. If anything, he was always more self-deprecating than he was self-congratulatory.
Philand's smile got wider as Minerva looked at him. "I'm not blind, you know," he said, still with that teasing tone. "I saw the way you looked at me when I first mentioned the ... erm ... constant stream of female students that suddenly claimed they were terrible at Transfiguration. I might be Ravenclaw, but I'm not a COMPLETE geek, you know." He winked cheekily at her.
Minerva had felt her lips curl into a smile. How did Dillen always have the ability to make her feel like a ridiculous teenager again? There had been males at Hogwarts in her day that acted completely like Philand. Why did she suddenly have the distinct urge to stick her tongue out at him, especially when he kept grinning at her like that? With an effort, she resisted the temptation and just stared at him with her gimlet eye, which only made him laugh.
His expression soon sobered as he spoke again. "Really, Minerva," he said quietly. "Thank you for accepting me into Hogwarts. Please, let me know if you need me again."
He had told Minerva recently that as well as his study of Transfiguration, which had been his best subject when he was a student at Hogwarts, he was also very interested in spell invention. Though he currently wasn't planning on being a member of the Order and he wasn't in the Ministry, he was doing his own research. He had hinted to Minerva that there was a lot he was willing to do to assist in the war effort.
"I will," Minerva had promised him. "And please, do not be afraid to contact me either. Your research sounds fascinating, and I'm always willing to hear about it."
Now, as he chatted amiably with Albus, Minerva could see that he, like Fiona, was also on his guard. It was interesting to see how, in the time that Albus had been away, the staff had been pondering how he had run the school and what changes Minerva had put in place. She would never profess to be perfect at the job, but there were some things she had done which were completely different from how Albus had handled things. She knew that she ran a tighter ship than him, and one thing she had made sure to do was meet with the staff a lot more often to go over their schedules and ask them how their students were faring. And, unlike Albus, she did not put up with Severus's nonsense.
She knew all too well how he acted in the classroom. Many chose not to take Potions after their O.W.L. year simply because of his teaching methods. Merlin knew how many prospective Aurors didn't apply for the program because of this. To their credit, some students found another way to take the subject - they'd find their own tutors and take accelerated courses over the summer if they were determined enough, but it happened way too often that students weren't willing to go through with it. Healing, as well, required a Potions N.E.W.T., as did anything to do with Herbology, and Minerva saw the same issues there. It was completely unacceptable, and Minerva had given the man a stern talking to, something Albus had never done. She had heard that Severus's new tactic was to ignore as many of the students as he could instead of insulting them, but his face was in a permanent snarl these days. Minerva couldn't be more grateful for what Severus did for the war effort, but his manner of address to his students - all except for the Slytherins - left ... much to be desired.
"Headmaster." Snape's expression was closed off as he was the next staff member to greet Albus. "Welcome back."
Albus smiled. "Thank you, Severus. I am very glad to be back," he stated.
Minerva felt so strange as the greetings continued. It struck her yet again that Albus seemed completely unsure of himself. It was like he'd suddenly been tossed into the future and had no idea of what had been happening. Well, he had, hadn't he?
The Order of the Phoenix had several different ways of communicating with one another. For one thing, there were the books they used to relay messages, which Aurors also used. There were also Patronuses, but one had to be in the right frame of mind to cast the spell, let alone send a message with it. And there was a third way as well, although Dumbledore was the only one who could use it for obvious reasons, since Fawkes was his familiar. There was a way for him to deliver messages efficiently and promptly to their recipients. Because of these communication methods, it was easier for people like them to get around the owl dilemma that was currently affecting the wizarding world.
Minerva had been surprised to discover that Fawkes had stayed at the school during Albus's absence. She honestly hadn't expected that - she assumed that Fawkes would follow Albus to wherever his location had been. The fact that he did not do so was rather shocking.
However, last night, she had received a message from him by delivery of the phoenix, which led her to believe that Albus and his familiar had been reunited yesterday. Phoenixes were known to be very intelligent creatures. Had he somehow known to stay away until then? And how had he known where Albus was? It was one of those mysteries about phoenixes which Minerva had no idea about.
Minerva's missive from Fawkes the night before had informed her that Healer Dixon had kept a lot of information from him. Minerva wasn't aware of what he knew and what he didn't, so now was the time to inform him of anything he needed to find out. It was why she'd called this staff meeting, after all.
Once everyone was sitting down and Albus had taken his place at the table, Minerva poured Albus a cup of tea. She knew just how he liked it, and he rewarded her with a grateful smile. He gave a contented sigh as he took a sip, but then his expression grew deadly serious.
"Headmaster." Filius Flitwick was the first to speak. "I think our first, and most important question, is ... how are you?"
Albus took another sip of his tea, his eyes looking over all the staff members. "I am well," the old wizard replied. "Thanks to the amazing skills of Healer Dixon, my mind has recovered from the ordeal it endured."
Minerva still couldn't quite wrap her own mind around the fact that Albus had absolutely no memories of the last school year. Next to her, Pomona Sprout was obviously thinking along the same lines as she said, "Do you need us to ... fill in any of the gaps for you?"
The entire staff seemed unsure of how to handle this conversation. Albus, who used to be one of the most self-assured wizards they knew ... it was hard to fathom that an entire year of conversations, of looks, of quiet discussions over cups of tea, of delicious feasts and humorous quips between colleagues ... life consisted of little moments that were sometimes just as memorable, if not even more so, than the big ones and yet ... Albus remembered none of them.
And it was clear that this knowledge had deeply affected Albus, and it was showing. "Arnold was able to let me experience some of it again," he said quietly. "He was able to salvage some memories and place them in a Pensieve. Over the last few days, I have been examining them and seeing them for myself." He looked meaningfully at the staff. "Although ... as you know, I do not remember any of it," he said softly. "But there is something very important I need you to know. You do not need to tiptoe around me, or refuse to speak of last year in front of me. Though I do not remember, all of you experienced it and are free to talk about it in my hearing range. Such a thing will not make me uncomfortable."
Minerva could tell instantly that he wasn't being at all truthful. It bothered him immensely that an entire year of his life had been erased. Looking in a Pensieve could only do so much. And how strange would it be, to see yourself have discussions you didn't remember any of? Especially because last year had been such an important one, with the Triwizard Tournament. And such a heartbreaking and harrowing one, with the death of Cedric, Harry being accused of murder, and the return of Lord Voldemort.
The staff exchanged glances, and they silently decided that though they would listen to Albus, they would still make an effort to ensure that he was as comfortable as possible. Minerva could see shadowed eyes around the room, and some looked agonized. It was clear that many of them hadn't thought about how sacred the human mind truly was, and how easy it was to take your memories, your humanity, for granted.
They didn't fool Albus for an instant. His eyes were kind and gentle as he looked at all of them. "It is really all right," he told them all.
Minerva, seeing the looks of the staff members and suddenly needing nothing more than to change the direction of the conversation, retrieved several important editions of the Daily Prophet that she had put in one of the drawers. They contained the most relevant information that Albus needed to know. All the staff were here so they could take turns answering the many questions she was sure he'd have.
As Minerva watched Albus read, and the range of expressions and emotions that crossed his face, she couldn't help but be stunned by just how much Healer Dixon had kept from him. He obviously knew about the murder accusations, as those were what the Mind Healers had tried to get him to agree with. After all, they'd attempted to implant the false memory of Harry murdering Cedric so that Albus could tell the Aurors that the boy had indeed done it. Albus's testimony would have been enough to get Harry locked up in Azkaban for life, if not kissed by a Dementor. She had no doubt Fudge would have eventually pushed for that. Albus had known, too, by courtesy of Healer Dixon, that Cornelius Fudge was now in the wizarding prison, along with Healers Pollander and Shaddock.
But ... Merlin, he hadn't even known about how the school governors had initially kept Harry from coming back to Hogwarts. She had half-expected Albus to look at the article and proclaim that this was something he'd already known about, but he did no such thing.
It was almost like Albus had been on another planet, so incredibly far away from current events and having no knowledge of them. What was the purpose of Dixon keeping everything from him? It couldn't just be because he wanted Albus to heal. There had to be some other motive to it, and Minerva could only guess what it was.
But then again, Dixon had kept the knowledge of the other Horcruxes from the Order. He and Robert Finkle had been determined to take care of them all by themselves, as anyone else knowing about them would increase the danger of Voldemort discovering that he had been found out. Minerva, however, was incredibly glad for Dixon's change of heart; the Order - the more seasoned members, at least - had needed to know, and Harry - oh no. The whole thing was still too painful for her to linger on for long.
"Merlin." She heard the soft exclamation Albus let out. "So where has Harry been, all this time?" he breathed.
"He is staying with Sirius," Minerva replied quietly. "And several Order members have been tutoring him in his subjects."
Albus's face flickered between several expressions again. "I do know about Sirius's trial, and that he was cleared of all charges."
That caught Minerva off-guard. "Healer Dixon informed you of the trial?" she asked, wondering why he'd chosen to reveal that information. A sudden recollection of Ron reluctantly informing Dawlish that the reason why he was so adamant that Harry stay with Sirius washed through her mind - the youngest Weasley boy was not at all happy to reveal that Harry was not content living with his relatives.
"They're the worst sort of Muggles." Minerva's clear disgust with them had been obvious. Why, then, had she caved and let Albus leave him there? Looking back, she had a feeling it was one of the worst mistakes she'd ever made.
"Yes, he did." Albus tried to school his expression back into his normal, calm, unflappable one, but he didn't succeed. The way his eyes looked honestly hurt Minerva. It was like he'd been tossed into the middle of the ocean and couldn't find his life raft. He saw looks of sympathy on most of the other staff members - all except Severus, who sneered.
"As usual, Potter is receiving special treatment, and is being coddled in the arms of his godfather," he sniped, venom dripping from his tone. "It is incredible, how much certain members of the Order are dropping everything for one child."
"Now, now, Severus." Albus's chiding tone wouldn't do much to rattle the other man, Minerva knew. "I am glad that Harry is being taken care of." Severus's sneer only grew more pronounced at this.
Though he tried to mask it, Minerva could hear the doubt in Albus's voice. It was obvious that if he had been in charge of things, he would have done it all very differently.
Minerva couldn't help herself. "The boy is faring extremely well," she said, and she feared that her tone had come out much sharper than she had intended it to. The way Albus's eyes landed on her made it apparent that it had. "He has made great strides in his education."
"How are Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger?" Albus sounded genuinely concerned. "They must be missing him terribly."
"They are," said Hagrid, clear grief in his beetle-black eyes. Out of all the staff members, he had been the most enthusiastic at Albus's return, if the rib-cracking hug he gave the old man was any indication. Albus had only smiled through it, however, giving no sign that it had caused any discomfort whatsoever.
Albus continued to go through the stack of Daily Prophets, reading the headlines one by one. At one point, he stated, "I notice that none of these articles have been written by our dear friend Rita Skeeter."
"I have noticed that myself," Minerva said, her lips pursing at the thought of the nasty busybody. As a student, she'd basked in learning and spreading gossip, and made it a point to stick her nose into everyone's personal affairs. Minerva could remember several instances when she'd caught her hanging around outside the staffroom, and she'd earned herself several detentions for her efforts. She wasn't a good student, but surprisingly, the one area she was proficient in was Transfiguration, much to Minerva's chagrin. She was, of course, normally very happy to have a student who excelled in her area, but there was just something about Skeeter that revolted her. And last year, when she'd been at Hogwarts to "report" on the champions at the wand-weighing ceremony, it was obvious she hadn't changed at all.
"Do you think something happened to her?" asked Professor Vector.
Flitwick nodded. "I expected her to be first in line to want to report on current events," he said, his normally cheerful tone holding disgust as well.
The rest of the staff exchanged glances. "There haven't been any reports of her missing," Sprout said. "She just hasn't been writing articles. Maybe she's waiting for something enormous to sink her teeth into."
Still, now that Minerva was really thinking about it, this wasn't like Rita at all. She filed this information away for further exploration, and went back to the task at hand as she motioned for Albus to continue reading.
xxx
Albus Dumbledore felt like his entire world had spun off of its axis and he had landed in some parallel universe. No wonder Arnold had warned him that he should prepare himself for whatever he was going to find out today.
He had tried. Merlin knew he had tried. But nothing could have really prepared him for all the information that had suddenly been thrown at him, bombarding his brain with more activity than it had seen in months.
Harry hadn't been at Hogwarts at all this term, but with the help of Matthew Banner, Rebecca Hardman, and all those who had signed their counterpetition, Harry was being allowed to return in January. Order members had taken it upon themselves to tutor him in several subjects. Lord Voldemort had come out into the open, and he and his Death Eaters had perpetrated vicious attacks that had robbed several Hogwarts students of loved ones.
When Albus read the two Prophet articles which were about Voldemort's attacks on random Muggles and that they had been intercepted, he saw a certain look in Minerva's eyes. Albus didn't know what it meant, but he had several guesses. None of the other staff seemed to notice, which certainly appeared purposeful on Minerva's part. It let him know that he shouldn't ask her about it until the other staff had vacated the room.
The staff seemed to have held everything together in his absence, and there were two new members in their midst. Obviously, Minerva had taken her duties as acting Headmistress very seriously, and Hogwarts was running as smoothly as was possible under the circumstances. Thankfully, only Sinistra had actually come out and asked where he had been during his recovery, but he could tell the others were curious. He did not tell them, as he knew how secretive Healer Dixon was about the place. No one said anything to him about it, but he saw several doubtful looks being cast at him. As much as he kept information to himself, he was being completely honest this time - Dixon wished for barely anyone to know about his home in Rock Hall, Maryland.
Time had moved on, and it had done so without him. And Albus felt very disconcerted by it. He had always been so used to being integral to the entire operation, the one who ran everything, the one who knew all the information. The fact that the shoe was on the other foot now ... there was something very confusing about the entire thing, and for several moments, it was hard to breathe.
The one thing that he kept circling back to was Harry. No matter how much he despised it, Albus had always known how Harry's life would go. In order for Voldemort to be destroyed, Harry had to be ready to sacrifice everything. It was horrible, and tragic, and unfair. Harry should have grown up, being loved by Lily and James. They shouldn't have been betrayed. Harry shouldn't have been left orphaned.
But it had all happened, and Dumbledore's heart had almost split in two as he felt the dark magic suffusing the ruins of Godric's Hollow. He'd felt the magic around Lily's lifeless body, something otherworldly pulsing through the air. It was enough to steal his breath away, and to bring tears to his eyes. He'd knelt over Lily's body then, taking her hand. "I'm so, so terribly sorry, Lily." He'd bowed his head in sorrow. The pleading expression on her face, the tear tracks still on her cheeks, her vacant emerald eyes ... they almost undid him, because he knew what it meant. Lily had given up her own life to save her baby.
"I have ... I have asked him." He had recalled Severus's words when the desperate, stricken man had told him that he had indeed asked Voldemort to spare Lily's life. And this magic ... this incredible feeling of sacrifice wouldn't have been in the air if Voldemort hadn't actually offered Lily the choice to step aside. Knowing Lily as he did, Albus knew that of course, she wouldn't have done any such thing.
Albus knew he had the ability to "feel" magic, whether it was light or dark - an ability not many other witches and wizards had. Therefore, as well as feeling Lily's loving sacrifice in the air, he could also feel the incredible intensity of the dark magic Voldemort had unleashed - that was what had destroyed Godric's Hollow, after all. It was the backlash from the killing curse that had failed to kill Harry.
And when he'd held Harry, he'd seen that scar, and known. Known what it meant, with a terrible certainty that shattered his soul into pieces.
And from then on, he knew that Lord Voldemort was not dead. He was going to return, and Harry would be integral in his defeat. And it would mean that ...
But when Dixon had let him see the memory of Harry after the Third Task, explaining to him that Voldemort had taken his blood to return, he saw the brief look of triumph on his own face, and realized what it meant. He'd done plenty of research over the years, and suspected what ritual Lord Voldemort would perform to regain his body. Blood magic was a very complicated and many-layered thing - he'd used it to create the wards that kept Harry safe at the Dursleys, after all.
He could only guess what would happen if Harry sacrificed himself, and he prayed that it would be true. But the most terrible thing was that neither Harry nor his loved ones should know. Harry had to think he had to die, because if he had any inkling that he would survive, the sacrificial magic wouldn't work as it should. Every time Dumbledore thought about this, his throat constricted and oxygen became impossible to come by. And as he saw Harry grow closer to his friends, as Sirius came into the picture and would literally do anything for his godson ... the despair only grew in Dumbledore, and he knew he could never be forgiven for keeping Harry and the people he loved in the dark. To be burdened with this knowledge was the most terrible thing in the world.
But then, Dixon had given him hope, hope that there was another way to rid Harry of the Horcrux inside him. Dumbledore wanted to believe it ... but he had severe doubts. This kind of magic was so twisted and so corrupt. How could anything other than self-sacrifice work to counter it? The entire situation tore him up inside.
Dixon could not be convinced that the Mind Healers in the United States' research wouldn't work, and Albus could only pray for a miracle. All he wanted in the world was for it to work. He wanted Harry to live, for the young boy that had been thrust into a whirlpool of uncertainty and horror to live a life with those he loved. No one understood the guilt Albus had to wrestle with every single day.
He only felt worse as he continued to read through the information he hadn't known before. When he reached the article surrounding the recent dilemma concerning post-owls, he was honestly shocked. It caught him completely by surprise. He wondered if the Order knew anything more about it. Did they have any ideas on who brought this about? Had Severus been able to supply them with any information?
"Albus? Are you all right?" Professor Sprout's concerned voice broke through the void he had been sucked into.
"I am fine, thank you, Pomona." Dumbledore did his best to sound like everything was under control. "It seems as though I have ... missed a lot." He chuckled, but even to him, the noise sounded hollow. He received many sympathetic looks; he apparently wasn't fooling anyone.
Even though he still had the ability to absorb information, he had trouble taking in what was said during the rest of the staff meeting. His mind swirled with so many thoughts that he couldn't focus on one without another battling for dominance.
Eventually, he watched as the staff left the room, making their way to the Great Hall for dinner. Was it really five o'clock already? It was rather early for dinner, Albus had always thought, but some students liked their nerrishment at this time. Dinner went till 7:30, so any student could enter the Great Hall anytime during those two and a half hours, and they'd get a full meal and dessert. Normally, not all the staff members were there at the same time either, but today, it seemed as though they all needed a distraction after the many emotions that had overwhelmed them at Albus's return.
Dumbledore, still feeling disoriented and thoroughly overwhelmed himself, stood from his chair, ready to follow them. However, Minerva, who was the only staff member left in the room, stopped him. "No, Albus," she said quietly, and Albus was surprised at the look of guilt that was suddenly in her eyes.
"What is it, Minerva?" Albus asked, a feeling of foreboding washing over him.
"I know that many of the students are anxious to see you, as you are to see them," Minerva said softly. "But there are things that must be taken care of first. I am sorry, Albus, but this has to be done. It's only right."
"What?" Albus whispered, the feeling of dread inside him only growing stronger.
"There are ... meetings you must attend," Minerva said. "We are going to Order Headquarters, and I have asked Filius to look after the castle while we are gone."
Dumbledore stared at Minerva. This was yet another piece of information that Dixon had failed to tell him, although he was not a part of the Order and Albus wondered if he even knew. Where was the new Order Headquarters?
In silence, Dumbledore allowed Minerva to lead him from the building and to the gates. None of the Aurors both Albus and Minerva knew were there said or did anything, which meant they were completely focused on their job. Albus was very grateful for that fact, as the security of Hogwarts was more important than anything else.
Once they had passed through the gates, Minerva took his arm and side-along Apparated him. Albus, who knew how to Apparate perfectly well, felt a flash of irritation. She should have told him where to go, instead of just grabbing him like that. How did she have the right to take charge like this?
As soon as they arrived, Minerva handed him a rolled-up piece of parchment, which she retrieved from the pocket of her robes.
Dumbledore instantly recognized the address. Sturgis Podmore had lived in that house for years, after all.
Shock passed through Albus, but quickly faded. When he really thought about it, he really shouldn't be surprised at all that this was now Order Headquarters. Knowing Sturgis as he did, it made perfect sense that he'd offer.
The next thing he knew, Minerva had led him through the front door. What he saw once he crossed over the threshold caused his breath to catch in his throat.
Standing next to the front door was none other than Sirius Black, and the look he gave him froze all the blood in his veins. Here was a man that seriously looked as though he could commit murder any moment. This was a fierce, dangerous man who loved intensely and completely. Hadn't it been proven when he'd gone for revenge on the man who had betrayed Lily and James?
Sirius didn't have a wand out, or raised. But his expression alone promised that the conversation would be soul-shattering. And Albus Dumbledore knew that no matter what, he would find no forgiveness from this man. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
"I know everything."
Those three words sounded like the condemnation of an angry God, and Albus knew that whatever was to come ... he could never have prepared himself for it.