Chapter 45: Mine must be the shame
Ignoring Jack and Maddie's master theses proved impossible.
The two bound books waited patiently for him on his table, full of actual ghost-related research – research Vlad himself had participated in, even if he hadn't been there to see the results – and proof that life had gone on for the Fentons his friends. They were, in many ways, the most tempting and most terrifying things in Vlad's room just like the dental forceps the scissors had first been a way to pretend at humanity despite the truth despite the cost of blood and pain, and he couldn't bear to ask Ziad to remove them, despite everything.
Vlad didn't touch the theses for several days, and yet.
In the end, he was now sitting on his bed with both books open in front of him. No studying business or going to the library until he was done with this, or else he might let it hang and be haunted by the fact that he hadn't finished.
Practicing his powers at night was obligatory if he didn't want to levitate in his sleep – at best, at worst it could turn into another heart attack, it'd been a while – after two or three days, but Vlad thought he'd just do the basics, no new experiments or ways to distract himself.
The introductions to both theses told him that Jack and Maddie had framed it as a joint project, as they'd planned to back before when he was still there when they'd been working together when it wasn't them and him but all three as a group; however, they'd also revised their specific subjects after all Vlad wasn't there to do the third aspect of their research now. Jack's thesis was about ectoplasm used as an energy source enough to explode in someone's face and corrupt their very being, Maddie's elaborated on the artificial ectoplasm they'd created together and that the two of them had obviously perfected since then after Vlad after he since he disappeared was thrown out erased from their lives. Slightly less ambitious than what they'd first been going for, but the change of subjects was, perhaps, understandable: someone had died in their experiment, after all.
Not that Jack and Maddie knew it.
or cared
or even acknowledged what had happened to their "third party who had to step down and leave their joint project for personal reasons" in their theses
The science in the introduction held and did support what Vlad had noticed about his own powers and what he'd read in Bianco's collection.
The other implications – because no one before them had written an actual thesis on ectology, because there was research already but it was barely available and most of the time not formalized – those that didn't pertain to the physics of ecto-energy or to the chemistry of ectoplasm...
Well. Neither Jack nor Maddie were experts in psychology or sociology. It wasn't the subject of their theses. Those aspects were barely mentioned, not exactly held as scientific truths – only considered as observations, present in the introduction because, as the first students of the ectology course, Jack and Maddie and Vlad but Vlad wasn't there anymore because Jack Jack Jack because Jack because had to introduce the entire field themselves.
The introductions explained how they'd the three of them not just the Fentons Vlad too but Vlad wasn't found their sample of ectoplasm, how they'd come to theorize the existence of another dimension where ghosts disappeared to. They mentioned their interviews with victims of spectral occurences, the consequences of such encounters.
everything Vlad could see here in the clinic the injuries and rashes and time stolen not even that much because the worst cases the cases that landed in the clinic the victims who were still burned and used and discarded and hadn't yet recovered those victims were still here and Vlad Jack Maddie had never seen them so when they'd still been when
The introductions posited – even if it wasn't the main subject of either thesis, even if neither Jack nor Maddie were claiming expertise for that particular part – that ghosts were only imprints of consciousness fueled by the energy contained within ambient ectoplasm, and then kept going as they started producing their own ectoplasm. That if they were still sentient, they wouldn't be able or willing, for the most part, to do the things ghosts did to their victims.
using them stealing them hurting them
only leaving a traumatized husk behind
That only beings with no morality left could abuse others so, without regard for the people they used to be when they were still alive, for the victims who shared this humanity.
Vlad had asked Bianco about this, not so long ago.
And even before that he'd wondered about June about how he'd hurt her without even meaning to about the possibility that morality or not maybe the dead simply couldn't remain with the living and not hurt them by their very presence
He'd want to disagree that ghosts were no more than imprints, leftovers of a consciousness long gone by – but the truth was, he didn't know that. Vlad only had himself to study on the matter, and he wasn't even certain how much of a ghost he'd become.
Looking at the patients of the clinic at the victims at their burns screams tears and haunted eyes, Vlad couldn't but agree that a lack of morality and concern was one plausible explanation to the behavior of ghosts. Maybe it wasn't the only explanation, maybe it wasn't the right one either – but it would make sense. He might not be certain of Jack and Maddie's conclusion, but he couldn't deny the facts that had led them there.
and once again Vlad didn't know
how much of him was a ghost
if his transformation was truly finished or if he'd devolve further
if one day
he'd look at the people in his way and decide he didn't care what he'd have to do to them
The rest of the theses probably didn't even touch on any of this – Jack and Maddie cared about the physics of ectology, about the chemistry of ectoplasm, and about using both for engineering.
This was only the introductions.
The rest of it would elaborate on the experiments they'd done with Vlad and then without Vlad and the conclusions they'd reached. There was more than one year of research Vlad knew nothing about because he hadn't been there because in these two books, and it didn't just interest him, it was also personally important because ectoplasm and ecto-energy were his daily life now.
Vlad was certain the rest of the theses was what really mattered here, but.
"violent and obsessive emotions imprinted into ectoplasm lashing out"
He didn't think Jack and Maddie the Fentons the ones who had moved on the ones who hadn't needed to pay the toll were right about everything implied in the introductions, but.
Vladislav child why are you still here?
He was still human, if not entirely, and that had to matter in some ways, but.
but
June was gone because of him
he did hurt people
and maybe he still felt guilt over it because he wasn't only a ghost or maybe
maybe ghosts did care but the destructive urges were stronger
and even when he wanted to move on when he wanted to forget when he wanted to live his life
Jack's words Jack's fault Jack's guilt rang "banzai!" in his ears the cold burning bite of the proto-portal exploding at him the nothingness in his lungs can't breathe please make it stop the fear of necrosis running up his arms cardiac arrest fevers hurts please
Vlad's fingers clenched in the bedsheet, his too-long-too-sharp-too-dark nails piercing the fabric and his own palms, dragging him down to the present.
Blood, tears and ectoplasm had dripped onto the lower left corner of Jack's thesis, staining the paper – something unpleasant and wet was leaving a trail down Vlad's left ear.
More importantly, the room's light was flickering unevenly and Vlad could feel energy stinging at his skin.
A lot more than what he could get from just the light fixture.
Vlad's heart missed a beat – a rather usual happening now, and it would be worrying if Vlad wasn't already dead or halfway there – as he realized what was happening what he'd done the damage and hurt he could be causing again: he was siphoning energy from the building, again. Something he still had no control over – something he wasn't confident trying to learn on his own, not when the consequences if he messed up could be so dangerous.
The light went entirely out in the room – it was the morning, nothing was dark right now – and Vlad heard voices outside.
Then, the recognizable – often unheeded – background sound of machines disappeared.
this was a clinic and people might depend on those and Vlad Vlad had just
Vlad's skin shimmered with blue, black mist around his hands, red seeping into his sight. He could feel so much energy sizzling at the tips of his fingers, something wrong beating within his heart and he was the cause of all this.
The electricity was still coming.
He needed...
He had to make it stop, somehow. He'd lost his train of thought with the introductions and Jack's mistakes consequences fault the agony before he'd properly transformed into whatever abomination he now was the fact that Vlad wasn't and his powers had gone and reacted and started siphoning all the energy around, and this could be hurting people and if he didn't do something...
Vlad needed to cut it out, to stop calling electricity to himself or something. Then he'd figure out what to do with the excess power, and...
It felt like hundreds of taut strings snapping all at once. Vlad staggered – blood ran down his nose, staining Maddie's thesis too – and the light came back on. Outside – the corridor, the other rooms – several devices came back to life with sharp sounds and frantic beeping. Someone shouted, not too sharp or strong to be grave, but in the way you did when static electricity got you unexpectedly.
Vlad barely noticed the electric arcs running along his metallic bed frame for half a second – but he did realize that he didn't have any energy left, that he'd likely let it all out when he'd shut the siphoning off.
He forgot the theses, still open and bloodied next to him, and crumbled on the bed.
His nosebleed ran on his lips, bitter and slightly acidic – ectoplasm – when it touched his tongue.
He hoped no one was on life support right now.
that he hadn't just killed someone because he couldn't even control himself