AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you've watched foreign dubs of 1000 Ways to Die, you may know that after "Killdo" aired there was a death called "S*** Dead", #743, where a man died by a bird pooping in his mouth and poisoning him. However this death did not air in the United States and has never received an English dub, so I am going to have to skip it.

Ruby notes that a faint whiff of tobacco smoke is coming from the next file, which is fitting as its drawing depicts a cigarette. It also reads "INCIDENT 0112211978". She sniffs the air.

Ruby: "Judging from that smell, I think incident 0112211978 is one where a smoker was killed?"

The image on the file depicts a man wrapped in cotton bandages like a mummy, with only his eyes visible. He is holding a lit cigarette in his left hand. Shannon also sniffs the air.

Shannon: "Yes. They say not to smoke because it will give you lung cancer, but there are plenty of other ways it can kill you. Even if some are a bit unconventional."

Zoom in.

As the video begins we find ourselves in the waiting room of a hospital. The man from the file is wheeled in on a wheelchair.

Date of Incident: 21 December, 1978

Location of Incident: Mercy Care, Mobile, Alabama

Shannon: (Narrating) "You might not know it by looking at him, but Myron Burns here is a fortunate man. Three weeks ago he was found barely alive with third-degree burns over 90% of his body."

A close-up of Myron's arms shows orange stains on the bandages.

Shannon: (Narrating) "He had fallen asleep while smoking in bed and set fire to himself. Ruby-Tuesday, thoughts?"

Ruby: (Narrating) "Those kinds of people are, like, not the most fun to be around. They're constantly just like, 'I gotta have a smoke. I gotta have a smoke. I gotta have a smoke.' They just can't think of anything else."

The nurse continues wheeling Myron down the hospital's hallway. Eventually, they approach a door leading outside.

Shannon: (Narrating) "Myron bribed one of the nurses a hundred bucks to leave him out back for a second, no questions asked."

We then see a shot from one of the security cameras, showing the service entrance and the ramp leading up to it.

The nurse opens the door and wheels Myron outside.

Nurse: "Okay Mr. Burns, you get two minutes. Don't do anything stupid."

She walks back inside and closes the door, leaving Myron alone.

Shannon: (Narrating) "Once out of sight, Myron produced a hidden cigarette."

Myron puts the cigarette in his mouth. He then reaches down and retrieves a lighter.

Shannon: (Narrating) "His addiction to nicotine has left him quite the desperate man."

Myron lights the cigarette.

Shannon: (Narrating) "You should know that nicotine is a supertoxin. It's three times more lethal than arsenic and twice as deadly as rattlesnake venom."

As Myron breathes in the smoke he leans back in his wheelchair. He then takes the cigarette out of his mouth and breathes out the smoke, feeling its calming effects. The he taps the cigarette to knock off the burnt portion and reveals a hot portion, glowing red.

Shannon: (Narrating) "This cigarette is about to bite him in the ash."

Just as Myron puts the cigarette to his lips again we hear a whoosh of air and hat as the bandages on his lap suddenly burst into flames. He begins screaming and flailing.

Shannon: (Narrating) "The ashes of his cigarette contained just enough of a spark to ignite his bandages, which happened to be soaked in a highly flammable burn ointment."

Soon enough the flames cover his whole body. His panicked flailing causes the wheelchair to roll forward. Soon it reaches the top of the accessibility ramp and begins rolling down it.

Shannon: (Narrating) "He burst into flames and began rolling down the accessibility ramp."

Myron's muffled screaming continues as he rolls down the ramp until his wheelchair reaches the bottom.

Shannon: (Narrating) "At the bottom of the ramp, his oxygen tank explodes."

The explosion of the oxygen tank covers the screen in a bright, menacing yellow light. Eventually, this fades to the flames still covering Myron, who has slumped back into the wheelchair lifeless, his bandages and skin blackened and charred.

Shannon: (Narrating) "And just like that Myron Burns goes out in a blaze of glory. Ruby, analysis?"

In the office, Ruby has her tablet out, a drawing depicting different kinds of burns on it. She is pointing at the diagram for a fourth-degree burn.

Ruby: (Narrating) "Those flames and the explosion would have, like, inflicted fourth-degree burns. Those burns destroy all the skin layers and even extend into deeper tissue like bones, muscles and tendons. Maybe his teeth might be recognisable if the pathologists are lucky, but the rest of him is gone."

Back to Myron's corpse, which is still burning.

Shannon: (Narrating) "Hey buddy… got a light?"

WAY TO DIE #316

BUTT F***ED

Return to the Sharuby couple in their office.

Ruby: "You know, they should, like, make an anti-smoking advert about this incident. That would certainly deter teenagers from picking it up."

Shannon: "I'll look into asking the mayor about it. Next file please - your turn to narrate."

Ruby nods, closing the file and marking it before wheeling over to get the next one.