Hazbin Hotel: Hellish Misfits
Chapter 7: Murder Family and Internships
"I was a good person all my life. I played by all the rules, and never did anything wrong. I was good all my life. Until... that day."
Location: The Human Realm
Sunny Elementary School
The school was as it was said, an Elementary School. Local location, and very sunny and bright to say the least. Birds were flying in the background and the sun shined brightly with only a few clouds in the blue sky. 'Learning is fun' was written on the side of the building. There were trees and a playground all there as well. A bell on the roof rang, as inside, the classroom curtains opened up, revealing two birds singing on a tree branch. Inside the classroom, the teacher there wrote 'Good morning!' on the blackboard.
The teacher was a slim, tan-skinned woman in her 20s or 30s, with both sandy-green eyes and sandy-blonde waist-length hair which was fluffier and curlier at the end. Tied around the back of her head was an accessorized sandy-green headscarf, and she also sported cherry-red lipstick on her lips. Her attire consisted of oval-framed mustard-yellow glasses over her eyes, a long-sleeved cherry-printed cream blouse with a white peter-pan collar, black tights under a high-waisted, teal-blue maxi skirt with two gold buttons, and a pair of black flats. This was Rebecca Mayberry, the teacher of Sunny Elementary School.
"Good morniiing~!," She sung her greeting, as she twirled around, and caught her piece of chalk, as she smiled to her students, "I hope you all did your homework!"
Several smiling students nodded in a dance at their desks. A brown-haired boy wearing a dunce cap spun on a stool and faced the wall.
The class began to sing, We love to do our homework, and we love our teacher, too!
Mrs. Mayberry then sang, Then, when I throw out these fun questions, you should know just what to do!
Okay! The class sung.
Mrs. Mayberry began, Two plus six is…
Eight! the class responded.
Mrs. Mayberry began, And good behavior's…
Great! The class finished.
Mrs. Mayberry then sung And now, it's that part of the class when we say the time of day and date!
The blond boy of the class began, It's nine in the morning…
On January 8th! A red head added as a Brunette girl sung, The sun is out smiling!
And it's your husband's birthday! The Dunce Boy sang from his corner.
The class sang a chorus of "la la la" while Mrs. Mayberry faced the board. She dragged her piece of chalk in a line on the board, the piece almost gone. Her face is beaded with sweat and her eye twitches.
Facing the class, Mrs. Mayberry cried out, "Oh my stars! Stop singing, children! Hush up, now!"
The class fell silent as they saw their teacher in tears and confessed to them, "I forgot it's my husband's birthday! I didn't get him anything special!"
"Maybe if we call him, we could do a happy birthday surprise!" a brunette girl suggested.
Mrs. Mayberry smiled at that, "That's a good idea. I think he'd love that."
Meanwhile
At the Mayberry Home
Master Bedroom
In a dark room, sat a desk where a long computer, with the word "Wifey" appeared with a ringing telephone icon on the computer's screen. A sock landed on a corner of the computer followed by a pair of underwear. Giggles and an 'Oh, yeah!' and 'Not there, not there-' came from the room. An unused condom hit the screen and accepted the video call as Mrs. Mayberry... Rebecca's face appeared from the other, while the sound of a squeaking bed was heard.
Back in the classroom, her face turned red in anger and then shock as she stared in bewilderment. The children stood behind her with concerned, fearful looks. Not for what they glanced at on the screen, but for their teacher, fearing of what she would do or react.
Her face blank and in shadow, Mrs. Mayberry stood up and walked away.
"Wait! Mrs. Mayberry!" The same brunette girl cried out, grabbing hold of her teacher's arm "Remember what you taught us? Think before you act."
Mrs. Mayberry grabbed hold of the girl's neck and tosses her through the roof. She walks out the door. The children scurry to the window to see Mrs. Mayberry drove through the white picket fence close to the school in her car.
The children head back to the computer to watch.
"Okay-" Mrs. Mayberry's soon-to-be-ex-husband began before the door was slammed open and he noticed his wife there, and they can tell that she was not happy with both a shotgun and a chainsaw, each, in her hands, "Oh, shit! Sweetie, what are you doing here?"
"Shut up, Jarold!" the irate wife shouted, used a chainsaw to take her rage out on the woman, a woman's screamed are heard.
"You scream like a bitch!" Mrs. Mayberry swore at the woman before she then cut the woman up with her chainsaw. Blood splatters against the computer screen as the children stare in horror.
"Oh, god! What have you done?" Jarold asked, horrified, despite the fact that he was the one cheating on his wife, "Sh-She had a family!"
Tears staining her face, his wife dropped the chainsaw, raised her shotgun and shouted back, "We could've had a family!"
She pulled the trigger, and several children looked away in disgust. Immediately the former-Mrs. Mayberry wiped away the blood from the screen. She looked completely horrified by what she had done in front of her students, "Oh, dear God. What have I done...? In front of you all!"
Sobbing harder, she bid, "I'm so sorry, my children! Don't forget to work on your times tables!"
Another gunshot was heard and the children fainted on the floor one by one.
"You do everything right in life, play by all the rules... and still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world!"
Present Time
IMP HQ
In Blitzo's office, which looked like a Noir film's detective scene, Blitzo was seated at his desk, looking less than interested. But on his right, James Dante was leaning against the wall, hard in thought about what he was processing at the moment. Though the one who was telling the story was none other than Rebecca Mayberry, now a Sinner Demon for committing both a murder and suicide on herself. She retained much of her original body shape, but with more devilish features. Her skin was a light violet, her hair was messier and colored in a light gray, her eyes sported red sclera and slit yellow pupils, her ears were larger and pointier, lips were black with sharp yellow teeth inside. She now gained a tail that closely resembled that of an imp's tail, in place of her human legs, she now had goat-like features such as horns and lavender-colored hooves. In addition, her headscarf was now black in color. For clothing, she now sported cat-eyed glasses, diamond-shaped earrings and a yellow-tipped tear drop-shaped pin - all colored in salmon-pink. She wore a dark mauve-pink turtleneck with torn edges and salmon-pink stitching, alongside a high-waisted black maxi skirt that was torn at the hem, and it also featured both salmon threaded seams and two salmon buttons.
James had been listening on Mayberry's story, but at the moment, he was pondering on the events that led him to this position.
Hours Ago
Hazbin Hotel
James was minding his business when he heard a voice, and it sounded like Clint on the hell phone with someone...
"Wait. So let me see if I got this straight," Clint said, as he arched an eyebrow, "You guys wanna offer me a part time job?"
"Well duh, might as well see if you sinners want a real job instead of that shitty charity project that the princess is making you stay at." Clint heard Blitzo say on the phone, "And since you protected my precious Looney, I'm offering you the honor of being the best damn intern in our organization."
"You do realize that the princess is counting on me in order to help out of this hotel, right," Clint asked, as he was trying to rationalize with the crazy imp. "I'm basically the head chef here at the hotel." But then shrugged, "Well I'm actually one of… okay, I'm the only chef here. And she kinda needs me to feed everyone here."
"Fuck that, you sinners have it easy. Besides, don't you want payback for someone who wronged you? I mean how hard should that be for someone who fucked their chance to be in the place with all those shitty-goodie-goodies?"
"Wouldn't really know," Clint replied. "Besides, if Charlie finds out about this…"
"Oh please, what's gonna do? Send you to your fucking room like a fucking, goddamn, baby?" Blitzo asked not thing the princess is that scary, especially since he's over a long distance from Clint.
"She's the princess," James suddenly said, spooking the two. "Remember what happened last time?"
"What the fuck!?" Blitzo shouted from his end of the line before turning to Clint, "I thought you said we were alone!"
Clint jumped, "James!?"
"Yeah, you need a better place to talk with this stuff," James said looking at Clint. "You're so lucky that I'm not Vaggie."
"Mmhmm, that bitch looks like trouble with a capitol P," they heard Blitzo say from the phone.
James took the phone, and replied, "- and you're asking the same guys who you tried to kill or me a few days ago for help because…?"
"I'm only offering this one time shot for Ice-boy here since he saved Loona when those Bitches in suits tried to shoot her." Blitzo answered, sounding indignant to the question, "Besides wouldn't you want payback on the fuckers up top who screwed you over?"
That question alone showed how Blitzo didn't know about the situation between James and Clint.
There was a bit silent on that as he had a dead pan look on his face. He didn't turn to Clint, who also gave him the same facial expression as both looked at the phone in question. Then James finally responded, "Yeah, I don't know what to tell you, Blitz, but I hate to say this: I don't have any grudges. I mean, everybody who killed me is pretty much down here with me. And I'm living in the hotel with them right now."
Things went silent before they heard him laughing his head off, until he had enough breathes to say, "O-Oh... Oh fuck HEAVEN! I Can't believe the ones who fucked you up so bad is in the same building with you and that bleeding heart of a princess...Ah-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"
They could hear Blitzo now laughing harder and slamming both his legs on his desk and his fist, "God I wish this was a sitcom! I'd totally watch it till my brain melted into shit!"
Then James asked, "So what exactly can two sinner demons like us do for you anyway? You guys are hitmen."
Things took minutes for the tall imp to calm down before he said, "Well since Ice-boy got himself caught by the guy who has the fucking hots for the princess, I guess I got no choice but to offer you an intern job too and see what sort of Badasses you two are."
James asked, "What's the pay like? May I ask?"
"Depending on how you two sacks are, we'll see," Blitzo said, as he texted Clint the address and then said, "I don't give crap about being generous but if you don't want to see how things are for the other side then that's your choice. but if you got skills to kill and want to get a real job then come on down to I.M.P. Now if you excuse me, I got some... 'charts' I gotta look over." before hanging up.
James looked to Clint and asked, "Well? What's your answer on that?"
Clint remained silent, not sure.
"Honestly, I'd like to hear your opinion and thoughts on this," James said to him calmly.
Well... it'd be good to see how things are back on earth after our... you know..." Clint stated, but then said, "But what if the person sent his clients here aren't really bad people... that might make it harder for us to get out of here and go to Heaven."
James sighed, and shrugged, "Not sure either." But then looked to Clint and said, "But honestly, I think maybe we should work with these guys. Mostly, because I think we can learn better on how to defend ourselves against the Exorcists." Clint had a confused look on his face, questioning James, but then James explained it to him, "We may have to consider the possibility that Charlie's redemption plan might not actually work by the end of the six months. And we also have to assume the possibility that Heaven might not listen to her." But then he had a fierce look at determination on his face, as he was determined and convicted enough to believe in what he would say next, "But we have to make darn sure that we can defend this place when they do come back here. And if any at all possible, we might actually make IMP our allies to help out when that happens."
"So, you're asking us to sacrifice ourselves for a girl we barely know and is the princess of Hell?" Clint asked, brow raised, "I know I pledged myself to her and all but she seems more like an actual angel than the daughter of Lucifer."
"Well, that's your choice and I'm going there for my own," James said, as he looked at Clint. "It's still not gonna stop me for trying to do the right thing for someone who actually helped me out when I first got here."
Clint sighs before saying, "Fine... but if this goes sideways, you're not gonna throw my ass under the bus, got it?"
"Only fair if I did, considering you let Dan run me over with a van," James said he and Clint shook hands.
"You say you forgive us, but you never let that go," Clint sighed.
"Nope," James half smirked, making Clint do the same in a form of commodity.
Present
Back in the present, James and Blitz were listening to Mayberry's story, and she was getting to the end, finishing off a cigarette.
She would then screamed so loud only the deaf couldn't hear her, "SHE IS NOT A HERO!"
James blinked, "Sorry, I kind of spaced out a bit. What's going on?"
Mayberry looked at the Imp-esque Sinner with a brow raised.
"Your boss asked if that slut was hot, and I had to tell him Between the talk shows and the donation bullshit, she made so much goddamn cash... getting shot was the best thing to happen to her! Especially when everyone, my former students too, saw her as a hero who survived a crazy bitch instead of them seeing her what she was..." Mayberry recounted as she glared, eyes glowing.
James blinked on this, as he asked to make sure he heard all this correctly, "OK, so you're telling me that this woman cheated on your husband, in which she was married, and suddenly she's like a gazillionaire now?" Mayberry nodded at this, as James went and deadpanned, as he responded, " Yep. She is a complete piece of dirt, and she deserves to go down here." But then thought on it, as he asked her, "Are you sure you wanted dead? I mean, considering if she does go down here. You will be stuck with her. For eternity."
Blitzo thought on that too, and shrugged, "Huh. Never occurred to me on that either."
"Well, she doesn't deserve to go to Heaven after she made my husband cheat on me! And as long as that bitch dies I'll be happier!" Mayberry shouted, getting in their faces.
Blitzo nodded nervously, "Ah huh, totally..."
While he was rapidly pressing a button under his desk.
Main Office
While Blitz and James were dealing with a very angered Rebecca Mayberry, the rest of the IMP employees were in the main office area. Clint was sitting down next to a lying down Loona who was holding up a picture of a family. Moxie was on the other side of the office, holding crossbow, shaking like a leaf on it, while Millie was standing right next to him.
Millie looked at her husband, as she assured him, "Come on, Moxxie, you gotta be more careful with this. You're gonna hit our only Hellhound."
Loona wasn't paying attention while looking at her phone, as she droned on "Wow… I feel so loved right now…"
Clint blinked and asked, "Wouldn't it be better if I held it? I mean aren't Sinners harder to kill?"
The others blinked on this, as they just realized this. Loona handed him the picture, as she got up and walked away. Leaving Clint in the line of shot. Sadly, this did little to help. Moxxie said his hand a bit, as Clint asked him, "Are you OK, Moxxie? You're shaking like a little dog trying to take a dump."
"He's right darl'n." Millie said to her husband before she instructed, "Just take a deep breath-" She inhaled for emphasis before telling him, "-and let it out!"
"But... it's a family!" Moxxie protested, then asked, "Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?""
"I mean, if that's what the client wants," Millie callously stated.
"Maybe like a shitty dad. Or a mob family." Moxxie said, finishing the sentence while speaking with a stereotypical Italian accent, "That's understandable."
"That's also very specific," Clint arched an eyebrow.
He then said in his natural voice, "But to eradicate an entire innocent—seemingly, in this instance, upper middle class family bloodline?"
Clint, arched an eyebrow, as he looks confused on this. He didn't blurted out, "But didn't you guys kill a kid last time? I mean, if you guys can do that, then maybe offering off a family that probably deserved it would be OK." but then thought about it, as he guessed, "Maybe if the family were pure evil, cannibals, or Satan cult worshipers."
Moxxie, arched and eyebrow, "That seems oddly specific."
Loona then shrugged, "I mean, he might be right." Before she started pointing at the people in the photo. "He could enjoy setting dogs on fire after beating them." pointing at the boy. Then to the sister, "She probably gets off bullying Australian kids for no reason." Then the dad, "And him? Oh, he's definitely suspicious in my book."
"Yeah, I mean humans are all filled with nasty stuff," Millie explained to her husband. "Why do you think so many of them end up down here?
Clint blinked, "You do know James and his cat-lady are here by accident, right?"
All three of the IMP employees looked at Clint, like he had lost his mind. He took that up as he finally asked them all, "What?" Clint rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he said, "They're not legit sinners... not like me and the guys..."
Moxie blanked on this is the arch and eyebrow, and asked, "What?"
Millie however made a snort, "Ah-huh, and Angels don't come down to slaughter y'all every year."
Though at that moment, the door slammed open, causing Moxie to lose control of the crossbow, as Blitzer announced to everyone," All right everybody! I'd like you all…."
Moxxie accidentally fires his arrow, it ricochets around the room. Millie jumped into Moxxie's arms as the arrow hits a computer. The arrow then flew and created a hole in the family picture that a stunned Clint was holding. The arrow hit the bottom of a tank with eels and the tank started to wobble dangerously. The arrow flew toward Mrs. Mayberry, but Blitzo caught it with one hand, and said, "-meet our newest client!"
Suddenly, the tank filled with the eels burst open. Their electricity suddenly sparked all over the place setting the office on fire.
"DAMNIT MOXXIE! I JUST GOT THOSE ELECTRIC EELS!" Moxxie shouted through the fire...
After the Firetruck came
Everyone was out of the office that moment. As the firefighters were finishing off putting out the flames. James had an umbrella over Mayberry. Well, Clint and Loona were sharing a umbrella at the moment. The firefighters were walking out as one of them had the eels in arms, but they were shocking him, though it didn't seem to mind the pain at all.
"Byyyyye!" Blitzo called to their client as she entered the taxi, "And, don't worry, we'll get that skank in less than twenty-four hours or your first kill is freee~!"
Just as the Taxi drove off.
Moxie arch and eyebrow as he looked at his boss credulously, and asked, "Since when did we ever do that?"
Blitzo turned with a glare to Moxxie. "When you set fire to my office in front of a- He explained and then shouted, "CLIENT, YOU FUCKIN' DIPSHIT!" He then pushed Moxxie and away and shouted, "Now, someone PLEASE tell me that fancy book is still intact!"
The boys blinked at this, as they both asked together, "Book?"
"You mean... our only ticket to the other side? Loona asked, pulling out a fancy covered book with a seal on it, "Yeah. Got it."
"And that's why you're my favorite, Loonie." Blitzo said, in a baby talk voice, "You get a tweat, now!"
Blitzo held up a dog biscuit to her. Only for Loona to complain, "Eww… Stop. Blitzo threw the treat into the air and caught it with his tongue, like a frog. He pulled it into his mouth and chewed on it. Loona was disgusted and slammed the book open, "You're so gross!"
Instead of being upset, Blitzo was bashful, especially when the two boys saw Millie draw a pentagram with chalk on the wall. It glows red and creates a portal to the human world, "Awwww, stop it. I get enough of that from my therapist."
James cringed, as you looked at Blitzo, "And now you frightened me so dearly, Blitz."
Blitzo would then beam, "Aww thank you." Before he cried out, "Now, Let's go lick some ass!"
"I told you when we were at da hotel it's 'kick some ass'." Millie pointed out.
Blitzo grabbed Moxxie's face and pushed him while shrugging, "Still think mine's better."
Before entering the portal, but Moxxie then said, "Sir, sir what about them? We could get in a large amount of trouble for having sinners return to earth."
"Oh, don't get your little dipper in a twist, we're in an isolated woods hundreds of miles away from any one with technology. who's gonna notice a couple of sinners in a forest?" And entered the forest.
James will look to Clint, as he said, "You should stay here with Loona just in case. We might call for back up case things get shitty." and then walk through the portal after blitz.
As soon as he did James felt a jolt when he went through the portal and entered the forest on Earth.
As he went right through, as he shivered a bit when he came out of the other side. He looked around, though, as he saw green grass, brown and green trees, the familiar sky, to which it was nearing almost nighttime. The vast area of world that wasn't burned or scarred by fire or brimstone. This was it. He was back in the human world. When he looked at himself in a reflection in water near a lake, not too far from the house they were going to…. He still looked like a demon.
"Shoot," he told him himself as he saw his demon form.
"What you thought you'd change back as soon as you get on Earth like in those shitty cartoons from that Japan place you see?" Blitzo asked, looking at James. Moxie, however, then asked, "Are you okay I noticed you had some discomfort when you stepped through the portal."
James blink, as you seem to be confused on that, " yeah. It just seemed a bit…. Out a bit. I don't know, do you guys always feel like it was a small chilled when you passed through that portal?"
The three imps shook their heads at his question while Millie said, "Well it is cooler up here than it is back home."
James looked around, as he spotted the cabin nearby. He pointed to it, and asked, "So I take it that's where the target is?"
"You catch on quick, intern," Blitzo grinned as he said, going over the fence and hurrying to the plants under the window.
James Crouch, down with them, as he asked, blitz, but whispered to it, "So, what's the plan?"
Blitzo stood up and peered into the window, seeing the woman in question, "That's gotta be her." He then chuckled darkly and said, "This is too easy. Intern, do you want to do the honors?"
James shook his head, "Nah, I'm good."
"Meh, your loss. Mox, how bout you?" Blitzo asked.
The smaller imp look pleasantly surprised, "Me?"
"Yeaaaah, this one's simple enough for you to handle," Blitzo nodded, Moxxie stood up and peers through the window. His faces fell as he looked at the family having dinner. while Blitzo kept talking, "It's just a happy mother who just got out of the hospital."
Moxxie could see the blonde woman with the bandage wrap around her head, affectionately rub noses with her husband wearing a plaid shirt. the wife held a dinner platter in her hand. Seeing this made Moxxie hesitate at the window. which was enough time for Blitzo to pull out a sniper rifle and say, "Well, you snooze you lose, Mox."
Moxxie paled at this as he asked, "Wait, sir! Are we really gonna be killing a family?!"
"What? No, don't be such a puss, Moxxie." Blitzo said, making Moxxie exhaled in relief before his boss clarified, "We're killing the mother, we're ruining a family." And took aim the upside-down cross being the crosshair as it targeted the blond woman's head, "Aaaand I got ya now, Bitch..."
Moxie looked at James, as he almost silently pleaded, "Wait. James. Aren't you gonna say something about this?"
James looked to him, and answered, "Well, she did sort of committed adultery on our client's husband. And the husband was kind of a dick. I think she has this coming."
"But that's not enough to commit murder," Moxxie said, turning to his boss, as the rifle clicked, "But… Ho- Hold on, hold on! Let's just think about it."
He unfortunately reached for the rifle just as Blitzo pulled the trigger, shooting a bullet, not at the wife but at a picture when Moxxie threw off the shot. This made the family all gasp in fear.
Martha looked a little bit concerned, and she looked at her husband, asking sweetly, "What was that, Ralphie?"
"I plum don't know, Martha." Her husband Ralphie answered, before he reached under the table, "But whatever it is..."
When James poked his head out to see he noticed two peculiar things as part of the decor... a man's head mounted on the wall like a trophy...! and the lamp on the corner behind Martha... was that... a human spine?!
Ralphie had a savage grin as he pulled out his shotgun, "...They're gonna be tomorrow night's dinner!"
James paled at this as Martha reached down and pulled out a rifle herself and smiled viciously.
Martha then took a glass of wine gulped it and then smashed the glass down as she ordered, "All right kids, guns out!"
The kids all pulled their weapons out, with the boy pulling out a gun from under his racoon cap, as Ralphie smirked, "Alright, youngins. It's huntin' time!"
Meanwhile, James, who had slipped down and paled at this, while Blitzo looked at a heaving Moxxie, as he silent scolded him, "Moxxie! What the fuck were you thinking?"
Moxxie wheezes anxiously, eye twitching. He lets out a croak with his snake-like tongue out. He then falls to his knees, hands over his face, as he wailed, "I'm sorry. They just seemed so wholesome and happy." James would've said more with Blitzo but saw the small imp in tears as he took more breathes, "I panicked..."
Blitzo facepalmed himself, as he looked to Moxxie, "Oh, who the fuck is innocent, Moxxie?! From the moment of birth, you're already a parasite leeching off your momma's tits!" He leaned in and poked Moxxie's head, as he got louder, "Get the FUCK over yourself, you baby dick prune!"
A blast shot through the wall, and hit Blitzo in the arm, black blood flying out from the wound. James blinked in shock, "Blitz!"
"AAAAAAHHHH! A new hole!" Blitzo shot out, as he clutched his arm, "Scatter!"
Blitzo and Millie fled the scene and Moxxie and James hid in the bushes. Another hole appeared and part of the wall exploded. Ralphie and Martha grinned evilly and leaped through the large hole with guns drawn. Moxxie and James peered out from the bushes and rapidly looked around. Though suddenly, a child's hand grabbed James as they shoved a chloroform handkerchief in his face, knocking him out. Another child's hand grabbed Moxxie by his tail and he yelped, being pulled inside.
Ralphie chased after Millie shooting at her with his shotgun, she avoided behind hit, even as she dove under water at the pier.
"Where'd you go, little critter," Ralphie called out, looking around, viciously, "Y'all can't hide long from me!"
Millie was seen with her head above the water under the dock. A knife was in her mouth. Millie broke through the dock and landed on it, with her knife and a grin. Ralphie swung a glass bottle and Millie ran behind him out of the way. Millie jumped up in the air, knife in both hands. Ralphie swung his bottle upwards, knocking Millie in the head. She cried out and fell to the ground. She struggled to stand but collapsed onto the dock. Her eyes twitched, as she saw Ralphie smile down evilly at her as the cloudy sky spiraled red.
Meanwhile
Pride Ring
Back at IMP
Clint was sitting on the couch, as he was waiting on news of this latest mission. Though it kinda stunk that he couldn't go on this mission at all. He sighed, as he looked to Loona, who was looking at her phone. Though she was using it to get zoom ups of Clint. Apparently, the tension between the two was still on as the kiss from days ago was still fresh in their heads. And the awkwardness was haunting, let alone annoying for the two. And very unbearable for either one.
"So... what was with the kiss for?"
Clint blinked, "eh wha...?"
"You kissed me." Loona reminded, her fur standing on end.
"I seem to recall you kissed me," Clint said, as he arched an eyebrow. "We both kissed. Together."
Loona growled, "You started it."
"You didn't seem to mind," Clint growled louder.
"Only because you got me while I was distracted." she shot back, eyes glowing red.
"I was planning on sucker punching you in the nose! I don't know where that kiss came from," Clint argued as he stood up, looking at Loona irritated.
"That makes two of us. Like I'd kiss a sinner prick who taste like shitty ice-cream!" Loona shouted.
"And like I'd make out with a gothic werewolf who's trying to get laid!" Clint shot back. "Why'd you even call me here just upright insult me when I'm not out on the field?"
"Why'd you stay anyway? Thought you'd have a better time going to kill shitty humans." Loona asked him, brow raised.
"That was before Blitzo had James go!" Clint shot back.
He then shot at her, "If you don't like it then either leave or throw me out!"
Loona growled her tail straight, eyes glaring, before realizing how close their faces were again.
And none of the two knew who was first… but yet again… they were lip locking and making out once again.
Clint goes and pressed Loona on her back on the couch while Loona extended her claws and raked them on his back.
The two were going at it, as he gently stroked her tail, making her whimper a bit, as he pulled back a bit, blinking, "You okay?"
"I...I'm sensitive at my tail..." Loona said with big cute eyes and a soft voice, completely different from how she usually is.
Clint blushed, as he thought, 'Oh no... She's Super CUTE!'
She added a cute whimper as she looked up at him, asking in an innocent, cutesy manner, "Awr wou gonna hert me...?"
"Well, only if you want to," he smiled, but then blinked, as he asked, "Wait… are we in a friends with benefits relationship?"
Loona came out of it, shaking her head, before glared eyes glowing red, ears pressing against her head and growling menacingly. Ready to murder him.
"Well, considering we hate each other..." Clint started to say, but Loona interrupted him.
Again she pressed her lips against his before saying looking away nervously, "That's not what I said... I don't know what this is... but I can't stop myself..."
"Same here," Clint said, as he kissed and licked her neck, as she moaned, holding him close. But then blinked, "Wait. Shouldn't we be on call in case the crew need help?"
"I'm sure they'll be fine," Loona said, as she pulled him close and smile, "Let's make this a time worth something." And made out again as they fell to the floor.
Meanwhile
Back in the Human Realm
Blitzo ran as fast as he could, holding his bleeding arm as he does. He can't believe how this job went to hell right now. Especially after he got two damnned sinners working for him after that asshat tried to backstab him. As he ran, Martha's evil laughter followed him. He slid down a hill and caught his breath at the bottom.
"I know you're hurtin', little devil!~" Martha called out in a sing-song voice. Blitzo hid behind a tree, feeling his heart beating hard past his ribcage and pushing out in his chest... Blitzo doesn't remember the last time he felt something close to fear... His eyes go wide as he covers his mouth. A silhouette of Martha is shown walking through the woods, "I promise, that I can make that pain go real quick!~ Just come let Mama Martha put a bullet in your pretty little skull!~" (edited)
Blitzo sighs in relief before his phone lets out a yelling ringtone. That certain ringtone that could only signify who was calling him. and like always the guy has the worst sense of timing...
"Dammit!" Blitzo swore, pulling out his cell phone and it flips through the air. The phone had "GFY" written on its yellow case with a laughing devil emoji on it.
The boss of I.M.P. tried to grab hold of the phone while it flipped in the air, answering it before putting it in his ear and whispered harshly into it, "Stolas! This is a really bad time."
Elsewhere
In Hell – Pride Ring
In a candle-lit bathroom, wtih glowing stars there were candles with blue flames around the tub. The floor had glowing astrological symbols on it. The curtains looked like the starry night sky. Glowing constellations floated around the room. The occupant in the tub was the one who was calling Blitzo. He was an anthropomorphic owl demon, tall and slender, with a white, heart-shaped facial disk and small black beak, resembling that of an owl. He had two pairs of almond-shaped red eyes, one set atop the other, with no visible irises or pupils, albeit white highlights do occasionally appear when he was excited. He had gray-blue feathers, which gradient to dark gray blue on his head and long, plume-like tail. He had a lighter gray-blue puff of fur on his chest. His limbs were long, thin, and black, and his feet were tipped with bird-like claws. This was Stolas, youngest of the Royal Demon family known as the Goetia, which ranked 2nd next to Lucifer, and Stolas was in charge of studying the constellations and stars of the Human Realm.
And apparently... he was in a 'business relationship' with Blitzo... as the latter was using his book of magic spells to have access to the Human Realm.
Stolas holds an old rotary phone to his ear, in the shape of sunflowers, as he hummed, "Mmmmm, when isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?"
"Fuck what is it?" Blitzo asked angrily, through the phone.
Stolas then said, "I heard a vicious rumor that you launched an assault on the Princess of our realm, young Charlotte's, current passion project with a hotel."
His voice became ominous when he asked, "Is. This. True?"
"We weren't trying to kill her, if that's what you're asking," Blitzo said, "We were hired to take a hellbeast that our client wanted. Unfortunately, we didn't expect the pup to get protection from everyone there. Then our client double crossed us, and then we ended up getting saved by the pooch. And then the princess kinda… was almost about to kill us when she learned of our business." But then he quicky said, "But they don't know how we access the human realm, so don't fret your owl puss on it."
"I'm not worried about that my imp. I'm more concerned for young Charlie's wellbeing. After all... I am a friend of her father's." Stolas stated calming down.
"Well, you don't have to fret over that. I think we're never going back there for worry she's gonna tear me a new little red hole," Blitzo said, looking out for Martha.
"Oh, that's good to hear," Stolas implied, "But I've been meaning to follow up on our last little conversation regarding my Grimoire?
Stolas can see Blitzo's angry face appear in a bubble, "What did you just call me?!"
Stolas popped the bubble with his finger, as he talked on the phone, clarifying, "My book, Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job? That I have allowed you to use to do yours?"
Blitzo looked scared as a rifle clicked, and then a bullet flew through the tree where Blitzo was moments before. A shadow of Martha with red eyes and mouth appeared through the hole, as she cackled, "I can HEAR you, darlin'!"
Blitzo hissed at this, as he whispered, "Shhhit!"
"Anywhooo, I have been thinking," Stolas said, as he laid back in the tub, "You know, I have been... permitting you to access the mortal realm less than... legally for quite some time now, but I do need it back to fulfill my duties. I was thinking, what if we worked out some kind of exchange?" Blitzo can hear the lust building in Stolas' voice as he added, "Favors for favors?"
Blitzo was running through the woods, as another bullet hit a tree and Blitzo ducked behind another one, as Stolas spoke in a seductive tone, "Doesn't that sound... enticing?"
"You gotta stop using your fancy ass rich people talk, okay?" Blitzo snapped into his phone, trying to keep himself alive, "I'm trying to concentrate on not getting fucked in my A!"
A bullet hits the tree that Blitzo is hiding behind.
Stolas calmly said, "Then, let me keep it simple: Once a month, on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night of…" his eyes then glowed red as he lowered himself into the water with a lustful look, " …paaassionate fornication~" He then leaned slightly over the edge, as he spoke normally, "Aaand you get to keep it all the rest of the time, hmm? Sound fair, my little Imp?"
"Fine!" Stolas heard Blitzo shouted, in the same whisper manner, just wanting the owl-prince to stop talking so he can get away before the crazy-ass psycho finds and kills him, "Whatever!"
Back in the Human Realm, Blitzo was doing his best to hide, but Stolas's voice was heard, "Ohhh, Blitzo! I'm so excited! I cannot wait to feel your slimy BLEEP inside of my BLEEP. To BLEEP the—"
Blitzo cringed and closed his eyes as Stolas rambled on about his lust for Blitzo. But then he dropped his phone as he was pinned to the tree by the butt of Martha's gun. Stolas continued talking on the phone through censored bleeps, as Martha shouted, "GOTCHA!" Now that she had him pinned, she smirked at Blitzo, as she said, "So you're a little devil. Come to take me and my kin back to hell? Well.. NOT TODAY, SATAN!" She smirked evilly, as she said, "Gonna send y'all back where ya came from!"
Back at the House
Moxxie & James
"Moxxie," James's voice was clearing up to the imp. Moxxie opened his eyes as he looked to James, who was tied up to a chair next to him, as he looked to him concerned, "Moxxie, you waking up?"
"Ow..." Moxxie shook his head and asked, "James? Wh-what happened?"
"We got caught by the Family of Hell worshippers," James said, as he looked in front, to which Moxxie noticed.
Moxxie's face fell in fear as he looked at the girl and boy along with James. Both their eyes were red and devious sharp grins formed on their faces.
Moxxie would smile nervously, "Hey there... tiny humans..."
"I'm sure you kids would let us go..." James tried to reason with them.
Though they spoke in a creepy unison, as they smiled, "It's nice havin' new critters to play with."
Moxxie and James glanced up in fear at a red light above them. The light revealed a human head high up and several limbs on plaques. The wooden walls were stained with red blood. Two plaques hdld stitched up faces of skin. A larger plaque displayed a dead man with long white hair, arms crossed, eyes and teeth bulging out. His upper chest was connected to the plaque. A picture frame made of bones revealed another face made of skin inside it. Human skin was tacked to the wall with "Bless this mess" stitched onto it. Moxxie and James looked and saw a dead human body on a platter in front of them, an apple in the human's mouth. Organs were in a nearby bowl.
Truly, this place was worse than Hell, as both groaned, "Ooooh... crumbs/crap."
James looked to Moxxie, and asked, "Still think they're happy and wholesome?"
Moxxie remained silent, "How am I supposed to know I mean look how they were before Blitz shot at them..."
"Next time... just off the target so we don't get in this mess," James sighed, "Even though I was a bit stunned by the whole family... only to freak out when they pulled out the guns, a human head on the wall, and saw a lamp with a human spine fixture."
But the two looked out the window in front of them, with Moxxie gasping, as he saw fires being lit up from afar.
"Oh Satan! They're gonna try and kill Millie, and Blitz, in a sacrificial ritual!" Moxxie swore.
James growled, as the two kids came in with butcher tools and taxedermy equipment, as he groaned, "And they got us tie..."
But then blinked, as he looked to Moxxie, and asked, "Wait. Can regular rope weaken sinner demons, Mox?"
He blinks before shaking his head, "Not if you're stronger than usual because their knotting skills are top notch."
James looked at the rope, and then thought on it. As the kids snickered, and prepared to gut them, James strained and grunted, as he then easily broke through the ropes, and stood up, towering over the two. His eyes then glowed dark red, with his pupils turning white, as his mouth expanded on the sides, with his chest and neck glowing red, with his forearms becoming scaley and two yellow sharp horns sticking out near the elbows. His mouth glowed red, as his sharpened dragon gnaw smirked at the two kids.
He then spoke in a darkened beastly tone, "Run."
The two would scream as they cried out for their parents while running out of the room.
Moxxie stared in shock, "Holy Satan... how... Is that your transformed form?"
James shifted back, as he blinked, "Eh, what?"
Moxxie gestures with his eyes at James' body.
But he looked at himself and saw himself back to normal... in Sinner Demon form, and shrugged, "Meh, I..."
But then blinked, "Oh that weird thing I do when I get angry. Maybe. I'm not sure. Why?"
"...I..."Moxxie began before shaking his head out of it before saying, "Doesn't matter get me out of here so we can save them!"
He quickly ripped the ropes, and threw Moxxie on his back, "Come on." He then kicked up Moxxie's shotgun to him, as his chest and throat glowed, as he suddenly launched a fireball at the wall. The two then landed in a crouch pose, as James seethed, "Let's go save your wife... and maybe Blitzo." and both bolted to the source of the fire.
Martha and Ralpha tied the two imps they captured against a large stake with effigy symbols around them and Martha holding a torch.
Blitzo though was grumbling under his breath, "I had that shot. Dammit, Moxxie."
Martha, now wearing skull earrings, with her jeans and a low-cut shirt with polka dots. Her eyes are red and her hair was thicker and wilder, even as she exclaimed, "Satan! We return your filthy creatures back to the pits of Hell!"
Martha rose her torch, just as Blitzo and Millie struggled to get themselves free, as she finished her 'sermon of evil', "May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy work!"
Martha then tossed the torch to the ground, where it landed under Blitzo and Millie. Evil laughter followed from the two cannibalistic, satanic worshippers. They watched as the flames rose up around Blitzo and Millie, however, they remain unharmed confusing the two evil humans.
"Yeah, that's not exactly how it works, lady. Sorry, your earth fire doesn't really hurt us, but, I mean, I could fake it if that'll get your dick hard," Blitzo explained, using his tail to simulate that very action while smirking at the crazy human, which made Millie smirk too.
Martha stares confused at that, admitting, "Oh… Shit."
"Well..." Martha began before she found her grin and pulled out her rifle, "I'll just shoot you in your smart-ass mouth!"
"That would be more effective," Blitzo said seriously, but then had a goofy look on his face.
Millie scolded him, "Blitz!"
Martha laughs evilly again as she aims her rifle at the imps. Both imps closed their eyes expecting the end... and flinched when they heard a gunshot. Martha looked shocked as a gaping hole in where her right eye was to be. She then fell down dead as James was standing there with Moxxie on his back, who had taken the shot on her.
Seeing her husband there made Millie cry out in joy, "Moxxie!"
Moxxie ran over and began to untie the rope, freeing Blitzo and Millie. even as the angry boss shouted, "You're not gettin' your goddamn paycheck for this one, Mox!
That was when the rope was free and Blitzo fell down as a result. Moxxie and Millie smile at each other and embrace. They both nuzzle their heads against each other. going unnoticed by most, Ralphie took a step back and tripped on the body of his deceased wife, Martha fleeing the scene, heading back to the cabin.
James picked up Blitz and asked, "You okay?"
"Oh, yeah, thanks! I'm fiiine!" he shouted in a sarcastic annoyance, that it was the intern who helped him up instead of his paying employees.
"Well, sorry for being concerned for you," James sighed in annoyance.
Blitzo sighed before shrugging, "I'll accept your concern considering you helped take that crazy bitch out."
Moxxie approached and said to his boss, " I'm sorry, sir. I compromised our objective and put us in harm's way. It won't happen again. I promise."
Blitzo went and hugged Moxxie, "Apology accepted."
He then said, in a low threatening voice to Moxxie, "But, if you ever pull a stunt like this agaaaaain, I will fuck you and your wife."
The tall imp then returned to his cheery attitude and said, while ignoring Moxxie's terrified expression, "Alrighty! Job well done! Now let's get off."
He then reached inside his coat to make a call.
Moments Earlier
Back at IMP Main Lounge
The floor was littered with Loona and Clint's clothing, while the two were resting in the center, naked, with Loona cuddled to Clint's left side. The two looked exhausted from their activity, as Clint sighed, "I did not think that position was possible."
"Surprised you could keep up," Loona smiled at him.
He looked to her, as he asked, "So, I'm trying not to jump the gun, but is this a Thing? What we are now?"
Loona remained silent as she looked uncertain since this was her first time... She honestly thought her choices was with either another Hellhound or go solo, where she hesitantly stated, "I... don't know... I really didn't think this could happen to me."
Clint blinked at that, as he shied away, "Yeah um... honestly, this was a first for me too." He looked to her, "Didn't think this would happen either."
Ring Ring
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" was Blitz's ringtone on Loona's phone, which alerted them.
Loona would freak out as she looked around, "Shit! It's Blitz!"
She dug around for her phone. Clint shot up, as he separated their clothing, and asked, "How fast can we get dressed?"
"Not fast enough," Loona said.
"Try and stall him a bit," Clint said, as he gave her clothing back, neatly folded, as he quickly got his pants on and started to dress back.
Meanwhile
Back on Earth
"Um, sir, I'll be with you guys in a bit," Moxxie said, as he picked up the rifle, "I gotta take care of something."
"Same here," James replied.
Blitzo would ignore them wondering what was taking Loona so long.
The two ran back towards the house, while passing a phone with Stolas still ranting his dirty thoughts on and on.
Once they got inside, they spotted Ralphie huddling with his kids in a corner. Moxie drew out his shotgun, and shouted to them, "Don't move!"
Ralphie huffed, as he looked at Moxxie and James, as he said, "What're you two gonna do? Kill us?!"
"Honestly, I think Moxxie should," James spoke out. "You guys turn out worse than any demon or Exorcist in Hell or in Heaven."
"Eh what," Ralphie said, looking confused.
But then Moxxie said, "But on the way here, we both agreed that you three deserve a life and a chance." He then pointed to the kids, "Look at your children. They deserve a future." He then picked up what he believed to be a phone, as he said, "I shall call your Earthly authorities, and they'll deal with you. We're handling this the right way."
As he pressed the button the tv turned on and Moxxie asked, "Do you happen to have a telephone to call 9-1-1?"
"Yeah, it's in the kitchen," Ralphie casually answered.
Moxxie blinked, as he looked to what was in his hand, "Then... what is this?"
"I think it's a Universal Remote," James answered, as he looked to the family, "Right?"
"Yeah, we got it for the kids," Ralphie smiled as he hugged his kids.
"Aaaaaw," both cooed at this honest touching scene.
Minutes Later
Blitzo would tap his foot impatiently, "Looney, are you there, sweetie?"
"Yeah, sorry," Loona said, as she sounded a bit rushed, "Was in the bathroom. Newbie would have used the spell, but doesn't know magic. Fucked up, right?"
Blitzo blinked before asking, "You sound...tired..." He then gasped and asked, "DID HE TRY TO HURT YOU!?" His voice became enraged and deep while practically screaming, "TELL ME AND I'LL FUCK HIM UP SO BADLY HE'LL NEVER THINK ABOUT HURTING MY PRECIOUS LOONEY AGAIN!"
"It was a very tough lunch, Blitz," Loona groaned, as the portal appeared. On the other side, the two looked like nothing happened but they seem a bit pooped to say the least.
Before Blitz could ask more, James and Moxxie had shown up, as James announced, "Sorry for the wait, Blitz."
"Well about time," Blitzo said before smirking, "Did you two have a good wank off session?"
"What," Moxxie asked, confused.
Though James groaned, "It wasn't like that, Blitz. Just typing up a loose end."
"Uh huh, sure. I don't care where you two cum in the human world. it'd be great if you can come to work on time," He said going through the portal.
"But we didn't..." James defended, but sighed, as he looked to Moxxie, "Is he always like this?"
"Yeah, and I still haven't gotten used to it," Moxxie groaned.
Millie looked to Moxxie as she asked, "You okay, Sweetie?"
"Yeah, I just needed a bit to adjust and take in all what happened," Moxxie honestly said to his wife.
Millie would look at her husband with a smile before going through the portal.
James looked to Moxxie, as he asked, "You gonna be okay, Moxxie?"
"Well, we ended it our way, James," Moxxie said, as he puffed his chest out proudly, "I think we did the right thing."
"Then let's head back," James smiled.
But before they did, they heard sirens going off near the house, as they turned to see what was going on. Apparently, it looked like the entire precinct was summoned, as well as choppers.
"We got the psycho family surrounded," one of the officers using a speaker phone shouted aggressively. Though what they thought was a news reporter chopper was a SWAT chopper... that fired a bazooka at it, blowing up the whole place until the house looked like a smoking crater.
Both Moxxie and James went wide eye at this, even as something hit Moxxie in the head and fell at their feet. The two blinked and looked down to see the smoking remains of the teddy bear the boy had, as well as half of his raccoon fur and tail cap. Both hellish denizens looked to each other, as James said, "Well... they were gonna end up where we're going now, right?"
Blitzo's tail came and pulled Moxxie in as he shouted, "Hurry up, Intern!"
"Oh well," James shrugged, and walked in through the portal, as it closed up behind him.
IMP home office
Blitzo would call Rebecca Mayberry and they had a small party to celebrate while Moxxie hadn't recovered from the mistake he made on Earth...
James and Moxxie had different opinions on this, as James was uncertain, while Moxxie looked downtrotted on what he had helped done.
"Ahh y'all shouda seen my Moxxie today." Millie cheered.
"That was actually an impressive shot," James tried to encourage him to get him out of his state, "I mean, it was one shot, clean right through. Obliterated the eye."
"Well, today, Moxxie learned the most important lesson in this business," Blitzo smirked, "Which is not to fuck up on the job."
"Yeah, I doubt it's that," James said as he sweatdropped.
"Well, it's also important to know it's okay to kill people if they're trying to kill you," Millie smiled.
"I... guess," James shrugged, not sure if that was okay.
That is so fucked up," Mayberry admitted before shrugging, "Well, I paid for it."
Everyone, minus Clint and James, laughed at this, well except Moxxie, who was sulking horribly. And it would have continued, had James's phone not rung, as he picked up, "Hello?"
"James where are you?" Charlie asked concerned heavy in her voice.
Before she could get a respond, she heard Blitzo cheer, "YEAH! FUCK THAT FAMILY!"
James sweatdropped at this, and grimaced as he knew what would come soon.
"James... please tell me that wasn't the leader of those Murder Imps..." He heard her asked, doing all she could to remain calm.
However, James's face shrunk in, as he tried his best to come up with an excuse, but couldn't as he sighed, his face returning to normal, "Unfortunately... yes. Yes, it's Blitzo."
"The O is Silent, Intern," Blitzo shot out to James.
"Wait. Intern," Charlie asked, now sounding confused than on the edge of losing it.
"Yeah, he has us as kind of interns to help and translate the crazier clients," James tried to explain as best he can. "We're also the only ones to help keep the clients from killing Blitz in case he says something insensitive."
But then spotted an unknown number, as he blinked, "Hang on, I have another call."
Pushed a button, but unknowingly connected the calls together, as he asked, "Hello?"
"Who is this? Where's my Blitzy," Stolas's voice spoke out.
"Um, this is James. I'm kind of a part-time intern negotiator for IMP," James said, "But I can give him a message if you'd like."
"Oh, I'm just calling to ensure Blitzy of our business transaction," Stolas replied as he sounded a bit like a wooing baby, "And it gets so lonely here on the weekends."
"Um... okay," James arched an eyebrow.
"You want to know what happens when I get lonely, young man," Stolas asked.
"I don't think I wanna know," James said, not liking the answer.
But Stolas said on anyway, "When I get lonely... I become hungry. And when I become hungry... I want to choke on that big BLEEP of his, and then BLEEP up that BLEEP, and then BLEEPBLEEP BLEEP with jelly sandwiches, and BLEEEEEEEEEEP, BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP Until he screams BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP LIKE A FUCKIN' BABY...!"
James hung up the call, as his eyes went wide in shock of what he had just heard, unable to get it out of his head, as he asked, "Um... Charlie?"
Charlie remained silent in shock before she seemed to have become the definition of 'the lights are on but nobody's home'.
"James... how do you know Stolas?" Charlie asked after some time to recover what she heard.
"Stolas? Who's that," James asked, not knowing who this was.
"The demon on the other end of the phone..." Charlie revealed, but after getting no response she groaned, "I really need to teach you all about the hierarchy in Hell..."
"Yeah. How about when I get back," James smiled, "I'll even tell you what went on today."
"Sure... I'm just going to go lay down and hope that this was a nightmare..." Charlie said going back to being weirded out before hanging up.
"Charlie. Despite this, I just want you to know that I still believe in your plan in Redemption," James said as he sincerely said, "And I'll tell you the reasons why I took this job."
"That's sweet... but that's not what I was talking about... I meant hearing Uncle Stolas talking like that..." Charlie said still weirded out and then hung up.
"Oh. I see. Yeah, that was rather disturbing," James said. But then blinked, as he looked shocked, "Wait. Uncle?!"
Next Chapter: Loo Loo Land Debacle