Chapter 9: Sink or Swim - September 1992

With every step towards the dungeon, Harry's anxiety rose. His hands must have been squirming at his sides because Hermione subtly held his arm in reassurance.

She said, "This is just the first day. Today's class might just be a review." Act like you would have.

"Right." Potions wasn't Harry's first class of the year, but he still was adjusting to being back at school after two years as an adult. To get into the mindset, he said, "D' you think there'll be a pop quiz? About what we learned last year."

"I sure hope not!" Neville squeaked.

Oh right, Neville had quite a time of it in Potions.

Hermione must have come to a similar realization because she looked at Neville, then flicked her eyes back to Harry. Her eyes said, Do you mind if I sit by him instead? He might need me more.

Harry steeled himself and nodded.

When the classroom door swung open, Hermione pulled Neville into the classroom. Harry and Ron sat at one table, and Hermione and Neville sat at the next table.

Harry heard Neville, "O-oh are you sure y-you want to sit here?"

Hermione gave Neville a shark's grin. "You'll be repaying the favor in Herbology."

Neville audibly gulped, but Harry noticed that he looked a little taller.

That little interaction had briefly distracted Harry from the wizard in all black at the front of the room, who now said acerbically, "Settle down."

Harry's hands were too sweaty to hold a quill to take notes. But he also was terrified to look at Professor Snape. Instead, Harry looked at the teacher's desk with an expression that was probably too wide-eyed to be mistaken for blank.

Snape started the class. "We will begin the class going over the summer homework. Your forgetfulness potions last term were quite abysmal, so I asked you to write two feet about the principles of potioneering that you may have gotten wrong."

Why did everything he said sound like a dire threat?

"Potter. Name one thing you put in your summer essay."

"Er, uh mistletoe?"

"What about the mistletoe?"

"Crushing it too much or not enough?"

"And which do you think that you might have done?"

"Not enough. Er, sir," he added as an afterthought. Harry was in a full-body sweat.

"Adequate." Snape moved on, without giving points as was the custom.

Out of the corner of Harry's eye, Hermione frowned at the snub.

Harry was unsettled.

On one hand, he was just so acidic all the time! Harry didn't feel like he could ever relax around him because he was always trying to catch him out.

On the other hand, if Snape delivered the same words in Professor Flitwick's bubbly and encouraging demeanor, Harry would have thought it good teaching. Well, maybe not sugar-coated words with Snape's sneers and contemptuous looks. That would really be unsettling, Harry thought.

Tone aside, Snape wasn't all bark and no bite. He snapped at Neville a few minutes later. "That would cause an explosion, you fool!"

Hermione interjected, "Sir?"

Snape said flatly, "What."

"Do you know for a fact that particular combination would cause an explosion? Because I would think that the particle size of the material, if you also omitted the grinding step, would slow down—."

"Mistakes piled on mistakes can't be explained away, Miss Granger. Two points from Gryffindor."

Hermione gave Harry a sharp glare of Leave it before Harry could leap to her defense.

Harry's flash of righteous anger faded into confusion. Why is my mother like this? Is this just to keep her cover as Snape? Is she really as miserable as she seems?

No answers were forthcoming.

Ron took to Hogwarts like a fish to water.

The classes were a little boring given that they had attended them before, but he used the time to practice note taking.

Hermione noticed and gave a playful, smug expression. Ron gave it the eye roll it deserved.

After their third charms class, Ron asked Professor Flitwick if he had any recommendations for extracurricular charms. He gave Ron the titles of several books, which he checked out from the library that same day.

At the mention of quidditch trials, the redhead felt a little queasy. He especially was nervous to play with his twin brothers, who could get a bit mean with their teasing.

He hadn't made up his mind either way when Captain Wood approached him. "Weasley. Your brothers said you might want to try out for the team?"

Ron looked down. "I didn't think that you were really looking for players this year."

"The twins brought up the idea of reserves. They talked you up a bit, too."

Ron agreed to go to tryouts the following weekend.

Harry helped Ron train up every night, which paid off when Ron was officially made the team's reserve keeper. He was proud that he managed it on a school broom, too.

Ron would play keeper if Wood was out of the match. But also, Oliver said that if they were down a chaser, Oliver would play that position and have Ron play keeper.

As in the previous timeline, Slytherins crashed the team's first practice. Snape had given the Slytherin team special permission to use the pitch during the Gryffindor's scheduled time because of their new seeker. The Slytherins also showed off the team's fancy brooms, courtesy of Mr. Malfoy.

Thankfully for Ron, who had lost the previous argument with a belly full of slugs, Harry was able to diffuse the situation with the suggestion of a "friendly" broom race.

The redhead got some extra bumps and bruises, but Ron thought it was worth it to see the smug looks knocked off the rival teams' faces when Harry, Fred, and George got first, second, and third place in their little impromptu competition.

When they got back to the common room, Harry asked Ron why Snape would give his team permission to use the pitch then. "Honestly, what could he have expected? It could have started a literal fight!"

Ron froze. "Er, he might have misunderstood the schedule?"

Harry made a skeptical noise.

"Perhaps he was actually concerned about the team's new brooms? They can be dangerous, as Flint demonstrated." Ron gave a wicked grin.

Despite Ron's attempt at lighthearted distraction, Harry retreated into himself.

The redhead considered his real answer. Snape seems to love drama. Hmm… now that I think about it, I might too. You really get to see what people are made of when you throw them together and shake them up.

Ron reflected that Harry did an admirable job redirecting the teams' antagonism, whereas Malfoy and the other Slytherins turned to harsher insults when they didn't get the reactions they wanted. It made them look weak in Ron's opinion.

Ron came back to the present moment and panicked a bit. Hmm… Harry looks a bit… haunted? Ron didn't feel equipped to help Harry with his emotions, which had definitely become complex since the Snape Order of Merlin incident.

Instead, the redhead asked, "Say, what're you doing right now? Want to hang out in the dorm?"

The other boys were elsewhere, so they had an opportunity to hang out, just the two of them.

Harry repeatedly redirected the conversation to Ron's interests. So, Ron told him about his extra charms work and the texts the professor had recommended.

Ron tried out a new variation on lumos that took the form of a thin rod of light.

"It's sort of like the kind of fluorescent bulbs they had at my primary school," Harry noted.

Ron demonstrated a robe-cleaning charm, a painting charm, and an eyebrow-growing charm. Then they spent twenty minutes trying to trim their now overlong eyebrows.

"I, er, still have to work on getting the left and right to match." Ron's cheeks flushed, but he was pleased to hear his friend's laughter.

Ron had been trying to be a good friend to Harry then, and Harry reciprocated easily by exhibiting "extreme patience" (in Fred's words) for Ron's "intensifying quidditch mania" (in Ginny's words).

After going to a handful of Gryffindor quidditch practices, Ron started to feel like a part of the team, even though he was just a reserve player. His brothers even treated him with respect.

This was surprising, but not as surprising as what he learned about how the team treated Harry. Sitting on the sidelines of games in their original timeline, Harry seemed like the undeniable star of the team.

Now, Ron had a more nuanced view. The team respected Harry almost like a little brother, not an equal. For the actual training sessions, they mostly ignored him. He practiced drills and flew around by himself.

That was probably normal for seekers, but Ron would find it lonely. Yet, as a seeker Harry was under a lot of pressure. The redhead's jealousy for Harry's quidditch stardom from the previous timeline was cured.

Hermione took to being back at Hogwarts like a rock skipped across the water: she skittered, then sank.

The frazzled witch had high expectations: connect with her roommates, spend time with Harry and Ron, attend classes without revealing how ahead they all were, help Neville, attempt to brew Veritaserum…

It was further complicated by the minefield that was Snape.

Now that she was more overtly helping Neville, Professor Snape was even meaner to both of them.

Hermione acted completely unbothered, even when Snape called her a know-it-all and took points.

Neville squawked and blushed at first, but it lessened as time went on.

Hermione hoped that Snape would get bored if he didn't get the reactions he was looking for. Or, when Neville's grades obviously improved.

Her hopes proved futile, at least in the short term.

At dinner after a particularly nasty incident where Snape accused Hermione of aiding cheating, Neville asked Hermione, "Does it bother you, how he treats you?"

Hermione's eyes flicked to Harry before she answered, "Philosophically, yes. I think it demonstrates a judgmental, inflexible teaching style. He thinks he knows how you will learn, but I disagree. Practically, though, it's just an annoyance."

There was a part of Hermione that thought Snape's hatred of Neville was personal. Does his mother hate Neville because he wasn't Boy-Who-Lived, but could have been?

Outside of the Potions classroom, Harry told Hermione that he thought she was in the right. Neville needed confidence, reminders, and multiple attempts. Snape seemed to think that he needed correction and motivation.

If Lily-as-Snape had berated Hermione like this in their past life, Hermione knew that Harry would already have detention for challenging him. In this timeline, Harry froze up at the conflict. Watching. Thinking.

Hermione worried for her friend. Things with Lily-as-Snape are bound to get ugly. Their professor was prickly and quick to make negative assumptions.

She repeatedly urged Harry to be patient. Partially, this was to keep Harry from telling his mother their important secrets. But partially, her caution was for Harry's own benefit. There's just so much… baggage. He can't sort things out for himself if he rushes into this.

And Harry worried for her in turn. Harry noticed how stressed she was and pulled her aside after their first week of classes.

"How are you, really?"

"It's just… a lot."

Harry prompted her for more, waiting patiently as she tried to sort her racing thoughts.

"It's not enough time."

"Some would say that time is all we have." Harry didn't look like he quite believed this himself.

Hermione said flatly,"Spare me." She was not in the mood for philosophy.

Although, he may have meant it in the most literal sense. They did time-travel, after all.

Harry put a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know exactly what you're trying to do, but I bet some of it could be done next month. Or next year."

Hermione jutted out her chin. There's so much to do. We have to save everyone.

Harry gently put his hands on each of her shoulders. "Whatever you get done is enough. You are enough."

Tears ran down Hermione's face. "I'm not sad, really. Frustrated?"

"Maybe Ron or I can help. Let's talk about it soon. Okay?"

Harry gave Hermione a hug. Over his shoulder, she saw Ron as he came down the stairs from the boy's dormitory. In the past, Hermione had to worry about making Ron jealous of Harry when showing him platonic affection. Hermione was grateful that was now behind them.

"Fancy a walk outside in the sunshine before dinner?" Hermione asked Ron and Harry.

Ron gestured to the portrait hole leading out of the common room. "Lead the way."

After the first week, it was apparent that Harry was a rock thrown into the whirlpool of life at Hogwarts. He was rapidly pulled several emotional directions, and ended up on the bottom for a time.

Not only were Potions classes incredibly nerve-wracking, but he also saw Snape everywhere. Harry attempted to memorize every glare, every stare, every cutting remark.

Sometimes, Snape felt painfully, unbelievably alive. His pale face had a tinge of pink. Harry could hear his breathing. These small reminders contrasted sharply with his memories of a dying man in the Shrieking Shack years ago.

Sometimes, Harry's heart told him that Snape was already long dead. Then, Harry himself felt like a living ghost, trying to unlock the secrets of the past by watching an imitation of the present, not living the real thing.

Snape wasn't the only figure walking and talking that had died in the previous timeline: Dumbledore, Colin Creevey, and Fred. There were also others he could see only in his mind, at the edges: Moody, Remus, Tonks…

And not all of the ghosts were so nice: Voldemort, Nagini, Crabbe. Some candlelight-made shadows were threats. He still heard Voldemort's taunts when he walked close to the Forbidden Forest.

Each day of the first two weeks of school felt worse than the day before. He thought, I can do things better now. I'm going to save people. All of the bad things won't come to pass. Why isn't that enough?

Harry's smiles wobbled and he startled easily. Because all of the schoolwork was effectively a review for him, that further made him feel like he was going through an echo of a life.

Harry hoped that he would come to some sort of revelation that would bring color back into his days.

Instead, he felt a little better in a thousand small increments: seeing Ron's happiness after talking to Wood about quidditch and giving Hermione a hug when she predictably overcommitted herself.

That's not to say that Harry clung to Ron and Hermione. The trio sat together in Astronomy and Defense (the latter so they could pull faces about Lockhart). They also ate together at some meals, but they all made other friends too.

Ron, Dean, and Seamus connected over muggle football and quidditch both. Dean got a muggle football from home that they kicked around on occasion. Dean invited Harry, but he turned him down so his friend could have his own activities.

Professor McGonagall, Hagrid, Luna, Neville, Hedwig, and even Crookshanks were all the buoy for Harry in the first few weeks back at Hogwarts.

He thought back to the feeling of opportunities that he had two weeks earlier. He understood that there was happiness, contentment, and hope to be found in the present, too. He resolved to remember that when optimism for all of the second chances he now had — and excitement for the future they were working towards — weren't enough.