AN: Just something I wrote as stress relief after a tiring day at work. You know all those Force Ghost time travel stuff? Everyone's tired of that shit, but apparently, Robot Chicken's Palpatine didn't get the memo. Mace Windu will have more than enough nerf-herding Sith Lords to deal with...

Go for Papa Palpatine! (Star Wars, kinda)

"Now what did I tell'ya? The beaches on Wasskah are the bomb! Funny story, it's only a hot tourist spot after I literally bombed the lizard people of the planet." A naked wrinkled bony old man laughed as he sipped his martini from a stupid cocktail straw, sitting on a ghostly blue beach chair on the beach of a certain moon.

"That is certainly an aggressive method of relocation, fitting for the likes of you." Another old man (who was not naked and wore a robe) grumbled with disgust in his tone, drank from his own martini glass, and immediately changed tune, "Mmm, this is good. This is a good mix."

"Ha! Told you Mama Palpatine's cocktails were great!" The naked old man was triumphant as he remembered his dead mother, and then felt a bit sad that he couldn't meet her now even though he too, was dead.

"Strange, this is." Their little green friend remarked on both the taste of his drink glowing with blue etherial light, just like he, and all the other dead Force users were… and the situation.

Even though Yoda had a few years to get used to it, seeing his old enemy as a fellow Force Ghost after decades of his reign of terror was still surreal, even for a clever old troll like himself.

"You know what's strange? It's the fact that my former Dark Lord of the Sith is a fucking pussy! Come on Anakin, it's just a bit of sand!" Palpatine shouted across the beach, getting a response from the dense thorny forest just behind the sandy area.

"Fuck you! FUCK YOU!" Darth Vader, now back to Anakin Skywalker, from a certain point of view, shouted back at his dead master.

"Urgh, I can't believe he still whines like that." Palpatine groaned.

"Blame the motherfucking special edition." Obi Wan Kenobi was in complete agreement with the Sith Lord. He mentally grumbled about reaching his monthly quota for "agreeing with the evil bastard" on an Anakin related topic.

Yoda laughed, "Runs in the family, it seems", getting some nods all around.

"Oh yeah, you're right. That Luke kid was just like that." Palpatine agreed easily enough, and paused, "Hey, the fuck is that blue swirly thing over there?"

"Oh, that. It's a time portal to the past, well, an alternate timeline." Obi Wan shrugged as he spoke of it, shocking the former Emperor of the Galaxy, "Sometimes, the Force feels particularly proactive in preventing your reign and sends either people or Force Ghosts to the past. Kinda like a mission. I haven't been in one, but apparently, there are countless whiny and ultra sad versions of me going back."

"Wait wait wait, hold up a second, you can talk to alternate versions of yourself?" Palpatine questioned.

"Possible, that is." Yoda nodded in confirmation.

"Only if there's another Force Ghost version of you." Obi Wan clarified.

"Say what? I'm the only Palpatine here that would just let got of my hatred and anger? Make amends and all that?" Granted, he barely did shit to qualify for a free pass to Force afterlife.

"I don't see how calling up Jar Jar, apparent Dark Lord of the Sith who has been manipulating you since the beginning counts as making amends, but yes, it does seem that way."

"Oh hell no! That's boring as fuck, for me, I mean." The retired Emperor didn't regret his evil deeds, but did find it disappointing that no version of him got the memo that yes, embracing peace with the Force did feel pretty good.

At the very least, they should have done that before they died!

Still, it wasn't like he was going to take a leap of faith through a dubious portal just to sabotage his own efforts.

"You know, I've remember that some Force Ghosts either get a wardrobe change, or they get a new body."

"You know what, fuck it! I've got time." And so Sheev Palpatine jumped into the time portal, if only so that he could finally get some clothes to cover up his naked body after dying in the vacuum of space, naked.

"Mislead him, did you?"

"Oh no, I told him the truth. From a certain point of view."

"Fuck! Motherfucker! Fuck you Obi Wan! Fuck you!" Palpatine swore and pointed both his middle fingers at the sky where he had fallen from.

On the plus side, he now had clothes. He was still a ghost, which was good, as there was lots of sand on where he landed. He knew damn well how coarse, rough and irritating that was, so being a Force Ghost was perfectly fine with him.

"Great, where the fuck am I?" He looked up to see twin suns, "Really, Tatooine? Huh, kind of makes sense, seeing is that Vader happened at about the same time I took over. Or was it Darth Matt? I wanted to call him that but he demanded a name change later on. Anyways, whatever. Let's get off this rock and… fuck! FUCK!"

Apparently, no more convenient Force Ghost teleporting for him. Guess he had to walk and hitchhike the old fashion way.

Life as a slave was tough, it wasn't too terrible since his master Watto wasn't as bad as his previous one, but nonetheless, he would have done almost anything to be free.

Still, life was getting better.

He now had a father!

"Hey Papa Palpatine! Look at this!" He waved his newly built Jedi weapon around to show off.

"Nice one kiddo! You did it! Oh, fuck, turn that off and put that away before your mummy gets here." The old robed man glowing in blue light quickly warned him to put it away.

Shmi Skywalker, Anakin's mother, didn't quite approve of his "imaginary dad" since she couldn't really see Palpatine like he could. There was something about Palpatine teaching him dangerous tricks like spinning around really fast with something sharp in his hand that made her disapprove even more.

He didn't see what was so wrong with that. Spinning is a cool trick.

"It is indeed a cool trick! Tell ya what, let me tell you about that time I spun around and killed 3 jedi Masters in a single minute!"

"But Jedi's can't die."

"Look kid, Ani, I'm a ghost. A Force Ghost, so that makes me a Jedi, a really really dead one."

"Oh yeah…! Wait, why were you fighting Jedi?"

"Self defense. They came to kill me in my office! I used to be in the government you see. So it was fucking treason."

"That's horrible!"

"It was. Hmm, that might be a bit too violent for you kiddo. Say, I know what kind of bedtime story would be good. Let me tell you of the time when I threw the Senate at my little green friend."

It was a really funny story for Anakin! He always did like hearing so many stories from his dad.

"Hey dad, mom never talks about you. How did you meet her? How was I born?"

He looked up to him eagerly, getting awkward looks from him.

"Agh, you're really looking into my soul there, buddy. Oh well, I didn't meet her per say…. Uh, I learned this cool Force trick to manipulate the midichlorians to create… life, and then boom, you came along."

"So… both you and the Force is my dad? That's so wizard…"

The years went by quickly since Papa Palpatine came along to accompany Anakin, along with teaching him all sorts of Force techniques. He was nine years old when they decided to go on an adventure and kill a dragon!

They got lots of loot, and once Anakin could find a trusted (for Tatooine's standards) broker, he could see it to buy his and his mother's freedom.

A few days after trying to find the right kind of buyer, he felt something strange coming towards the place.

"Oh hey, feel that?"

"Yeah. Is that who I think it is?"

"Yeah, seems like it. They must be… Jedi."

"Woah…"

"Hold on a second, I'll be right back."

After a few minutes, Palpatine came back with a grin on his face and said, "Hey, there's a cute girl there. I think I overheard her name being… uh, Padamamé or Pandabear or whatever the hell her name is. She's cute, you should go make her fall in love with you and have more babies."

"Yippee!" This sounds like fun.

"And maybe we can finally get off this dirt planet on their ship…" Palpatine mumbled something about hitchhiking as the group eventually made their way to Watto's shop.