Chapter 12: The First Night

Hunith's head was spinning. She was officially married now. The ceremony itself was almost a blur in her mind. When Uther had leaned in to kiss her, it had been all she could do not to pull away. Thankfully the kiss had been short, over practically as soon as it had begun.

Now she walked beside Uther… her husband… toward Camelot's great hall. A crowd of wedding guests surrounded them, laughing and chattering, but Hunith felt strangely removed from the crowd. Uther hadn't spoken a word to her since the ceremony had ended, and she hadn't said anything to him either.

When they reached the banquet hall, the doors were thrown wide by a pair of guards and the crowd began to disperse, scattering to fill in the tables that lined the hall.

Hunith and Uther, still silent, made their way past all the other tables, and mounted the steps to the dais that held the high table. Automatically, Hunith made her way to the same seat she had occupied at the feast that had been held to welcome her family to Camelot, directly across from the slightly more elaborate chair where Uther would sit.

Uther cleared his throat, the first sound she had heard from him since they had left the throne room. She looked over at him, and saw that he had pulled out the chair beside him at the table. Of course… she was his wife now, she would be expected to sit by her husband's side.

"Of course, I wasn't thinking," she murmured, her tone slightly flustered as she took her seat in the chair he had pulled out, "Thank you."

Uther nodded once, "Of course."

Well…. they had spoken to each other. She supposed that was progress. Uther took his seat by Hunith's side and silence once again fell between them. Fortunately, before it could grow too awkward, Hunith's family arrived to fill up the head table.

Just behind them was Arthur, with Sir Gorlois and his young daughter. Arthur came around the table to take the seat on his father's other side, while Sir Gorlois sat across from him, Morgana on one side, and Hunith's father- who had taken her former place across the table from Uther- on the other. Merlin scampered around the table to sit beside Hunith.

Once everybody was seated, Hunith turned to Gorlois, "It's good to see you again, Sir Gorlois. And this must be your daughter…. Morgana, right?" She smiled at the young girl, "I haven't known your father long, but he speaks of you often."

Gorlois smiled, briefly putting a hand on his daughter's shoulder, "Yes, this is my Morgana. It is good to see you again as well, my lady. May I be the first to offer my well-wishes for your marriage?"

"Thank you," as Hunith smiled at him she couldn't help but think that they'd need all the well-wishes they could get. She and Uther could scarcely manage to hold a conversation, what did that say for their marriage?

Gorlois may have been the first to offer his well-wishes, but he was far from the last. Hunith lost count of the number of people who approached the table to congratulate her and Uther. She pasted on a practiced smile and repeated the words 'thank you' so much they seemed to lose all meaning.

She was relieved when servants entered the room with pitchers of wine to signify it was time for the wedding toast. At least it meant all the well-wishers had to quickly find their seats. The servants dispersed throughout the room, one heading directly to the head table.

A two-handled cup was set before Uther and Hunith and filled with wine, before the servant moved on to fill the regular goblets already sitting before everyone else at the table.

The servants worked quickly, and soon the entire hall had been supplied with wine, the guests fell silent, their gazes turning toward the head table in expectation.

Uther stood up, and Hunith followed suit. They each grasped a handle of the cup and together they lifted it from the table.

Geoffrey, the older man who had performed the wedding, began speaking from near the front of the crowd, explaining the tradition of the couple sharing their first drink before anyone else at the wedding was allowed to drink.

Hunith let go of the handle she was holding, so Uther could grip both handles as he lifted the goblet to his mouth to take a drink. As he handed the goblet to her, Hunith was surprised to detect a momentary flash of something besides practiced indifference in his eyes. Something like sadness. She took her drink from the cup before setting it down, scarcely paying attention as the crowd rose and toasted them before everybody else drank.

Hunith took her seat again as servants entered the hall carrying the first course of the meal. She was still pondering the sadness she had glimpsed in Uther's eyes. She peeked over at him and saw that his expression had returned to the coolness she was used to, but she was sure she hadn't imagined it. Why would the ceremony of the love cup make Uther sad?

The answer came to her quickly. She was well aware this wasn't Uther's first marriage. She had never met Queen Ygraine, his first wife, but everyone knew that Uther's war on magic had only started after her death. The rumor was that it had been started in response to her death.

Hunith had a sudden memory of a long-ago conversation with Balinor, even he, who hated Uther above all others, had mentioned how Ygraine's death had changed Uther. To be so changed by her death, surely he must have loved her.

Hunith had taken Uther's remoteness throughout the day as a simple lack of enthusiasm. He wasn;t marrying her out of love, so why should he pretend to feel joy? But… perhaps it was something more. For just a moment, Hunith put herself in Uther's place. He had been through all these ceremonies before. The memory of that day, of his first wedding, must be at the forefront of his mind as he repeated those steps with her. Perhaps… perhaps it wasn't so different from the way her own heart longed for Balinor. As she had imagined another man waiting for her at the end of the aisle, perhaps Uther had remembered another woman walking toward him.

Perhaps the idea that her husband's thoughts dwelled on another woman during their wedding ceremony should have offended her. Instead, for the first time, Hunith found herself filled with compassion and understanding toward Uther. This wasn't easy for him either, and for some reason that realization made it seem not quite so hard for her.

She looked at Uther and opened her mouth to speak, wanting to say something about her revelation, to let him know she understood what he was feeling, but the words died on her lips as she looked into his inscrutable eyes. How could she explain her thoughts? Surely there was a kind of impropriety to a new bride bringing up her groom's late first wife at their wedding feast. And besides that, Uther was not a man to wear his heart on his sleeve, she had a feeling an acknowledgement of his sadness from her would only cause him embarrassment, not comfort.

She dropped her eyes back to her plate. She and Uther had been served first, naturally, though Hunith had been too caught up in her thoughts to notice the plate being set before her. Everybody in the hall would be waiting for Hunith and Uther to take their first bites of food. There were no ceremonial words to accompany this gesture, Hunith simply waited for Uther to lift a bite of bread to his mouth, and then she did the same. Afterwards, a babble of voices broke out again as everyone's attention turned to their own plates, and Hunith felt herself relax a little with the attention finally not solely focused on the head table.

As the meal moved through its courses, she was able to make polite conversation with the others at the table. Her parents fondly recounted their own wedding day. Hunith had heard the stories before, but she enjoyed hearing them again, even if she felt an ache inside her, knowing she would likely never experience the warmth and love her parents shared.

Hunith heard Gorlois ask Arthur how his training was going and after glancing down the table toward Cenred, Arthur recounted his duel with the older boy in a low voice, obviously not wanting Cenred to hear him mention it after his reaction the last time.

The evening wore on and soon the last course was cleared away. The wine had flowed freely, and a few of the wedding guests had imbibed too much. From one of the tables, a male voice called out laughingly, loud enough to carry across the room that the bride and groom were surely glad they could soon retire to bed. Hunith felt her face flush scarlet. A hush fell over the crowd, broken by some nervous laughter. Hunith stared down at her plate, not wanting to meet anyone's gaze, especially Uther's.

She felt Uther shift, then rise to his feet beside her.

"Actually, before the feast comes to a close, the Lady Helen has come to grace us with her songs once more," if Uther felt as embarrassed as Hunith did, he hid it well, though she thought she could hear a slight strain in his voice.

The singer- who had also sung at the feast that welcomed Hunith and her family to Camelot, began her first song, and Hunith decided it was safe to lift her eyes from her plate. The nervous tension in the room had eased, and all eyes were now on Lady Helen, not on Uther and Hunith.

Still, the nobleman's crude comment had brought to the forefront of Hunith's mind the thing she had been avoiding thinking about. Her stomach twisted, not with fear exactly, but with something more than nerves. Despite the ugly rumors that were whispered about her, the ugly names people had called her when they thought she wasn't listening, Hunith had only ever been with one man. With Balinor, every touch had been infused with warmth and love. It wasn't as if Hunith thought Uther would hurt her, but she didn't know how to be with a man she didn't love.

Lady Helen's performance was a welcome delay, a respite, but all too soon, it drew to a close.

Hunith told herself she was making too much of this. If anything, she had an advantage on most brides, she knew what to expect. Everything would be fine. Uther might not be warm or friendly, but he was an honorable man, and he would treat her with respect.

Everyone's attention was once more on the head table. If only they could have slipped out quietly… but of course that was impossible

Uther rose and offered Hunith his hand. She drew in a deep breath as she took it, allowing him to help her up from the table, and lead her from the room, feeling the eyes of the crowd burning into her back as they went.

They walked through the castle in silence. They entered a wing Hunith had never been in before, which she knew must be the royal wing. They arrived at a door that opened up into an antechamber. There were two servants waiting there, and Hunith was surprised to see that one of them was Seren. Uther released Hunith's hand and disappeared through the door at the other end of the antechamber, followed by the male servant.

Seren hurried over to Hunith, "They were going to send someone else to help you prepare for bed, but I asked them to send me. I know you'll be assigned a new maidservant soon but… I thought you would want me tonight."

Hunith nodded gratefully, 'You're right. I need a friend, not a stranger."

Seren carefully plucked the tiara off of Hunith's head, then moved behind her to get to work deftly undoing all of the elaborate braids, and removing the pins that held her hair in place.

"How are you feeling?" she asked

Hunith took in a breath and released it slowly before answering. "My stomach is in knots," she admitted.

"Do you think King Uther will be… unkind to you?" Hunith could hear the concern in Seren's voice.

She shook her head- which was perhaps not the best idea when Seren was still trying to take her hair down, "No, it's not that, it's just… he's practically a stranger. How can I… be intimate with a man I barely even know?"

Seren didn't answer right away. She had finished taking down Hunith's hair and, after removing her necklace, moved on to unlacing her wedding dress.

"I don't rightly know how to give advice there," she said finally, "It's different among the common folk. Marriages happen for love, they aren't planned out for political advantage. We have time to get to know each other."

Hunith felt an unexpected smile tugging at her lips, "Yes, how long have you and Mathys been… getting to know each other now?"

Though she couldn't see Seren's face, she could hear the blush in her voice when she answered, "We've been courting for 'nigh on three years, if that's what you mean, my lady."

A giggle escaped Hunith, "Well, perhaps when you get back to Essetir, he'll have missed you so much he'll propose on the spot."

Seren didn't respond, but as she moved around Hunith to retrieve the night dress she'd brought along with her, Hunith could see she was trying not to smile.

"If he does propose, you must write me a letter and tell me right away," Hunith told her, "and that's an order. Consider it my last order before I'm not your lady anymore."

Seren laughed, though there was a hint of melancholy in her expression as well, "Oh, you'll always be my lady, believe me."

Hunith reached out to squeeze her friend's hand, touched by the words. "I'm serious about writing to me though," she added, her voice emotional, "You can send the letters along with the ones from my family."

Seren smiled, her eyes a little watery, "I'll write until you get sick of me."

"That will never happen," Hunith assured her.

Seren pulled the nightdress over Hunith's head.

Hunith took a deep breath, "Well… I suppose I can't delay any longer."

Seren surprised her with a sudden hug, "Everything's going to be fine, my lady."

Hunith returned the hug, "Thank you… for being here for me."

After a moment, Seren pulled away but not fully, "If he's anything less than a perfect gentleman, hit him over the head with the water pitcher and I'll help you flee the palace before his guards notice what happened."

Hunith's eyes widened in surprise, then she gave a startled laugh, "I'll… keep that in mind."

She stepped away from Seren. Even if Seren hadn't really been able to give her any advice… besides to hit Uther over the head with a pitcher, just her friend's presence had been enough to make her feel a little bit better.

She took a deep breath and walked towards the door Uther had disappeared through. She wondered if she should just enter, but that seemed… improper, so she knocked. It was immediately opened by the male servant, as if he had been standing and waiting for it. Perhaps he had, it wouldn't have taken Uther as long to get ready for bed as it did Hunith.

The servant bowed to her, then quickly walked through the antechamber to the other door. Seren gave Hunith one last encouraging smile- and mimed swinging something- then followed him out of the room.

Hunith smothered another giggle as she stepped into Uther's room, allowing the door to close behind her.

Uther was sitting at the edge of the large bed in the center of the room, though he rose to his feet when Hunith entered.

For a moment, the two regarded each other in silence. Alone with Uther- in his bedchamber, in her nightdress- Hunith's nerves returned full force.

It must have shown in her expression, because, behind Uther's usual impassive mask, something in his eyes seemed to soften.

He cleared his throat, "I… wish for you to feel… comfortable. Is there… anything I can do to make you moreso?"

Hunith hesitated. Part of her, the part that had been raised to keep a calm face at all times, instinctively wanted to simply tell him she was fine, she wasn't uncomfortable. But the words wouldn't come.

"Forgive me," she said, "This is all just… new to me. I know that might sound strange since I have a son, but that was… different."

Uther watched her for a moment. She could almost see some kind of conflict going on behind his eyes, as if he was wondering whether to say something.

He looked away from her, his eyes focusing on a spot just to her left, as if he couldn't both look at her and express whatever it was he was feeling, "It is… not easy for me either," he said at last, "I haven't… been with a woman since….since Ygraine died, my wife," Pain flashed through his expression, as if saying her name physically hurt, "I never even considered the idea of taking another wife until the council… suggested it."

"Suggested it or insisted on it?" Hunith couldn't help but ask.

For a moment, Uther seemed to almost smile, "Suggested it… very persistently."

Hunith chuckled, surprising herself,, "I know the feeling." Her parents had done their best to leave the choice to her, but they had certainly impressed upon her which choice they thought she should make…

Again, she thought he almost smiled, before his expression became distant once more, "What I am trying to say is… I never thought that I would marry again. It's been a long time since… well, since Ygraine died." he trailed off, though she sensed he had more he wanted to say.

Since he didn't seem able to, she said it for him, "And it feels wrong to be with a woman who isn't her."

Uther nodded once, still not looking at her, "Yes, it does."

Hunith moved a few steps closer to him. Strangely, his discomfort had a calming effect on her. Maye it was simply knowing she wasn't the only one who felt awkward and unsure right now.

"So this is strange for both of us," she said softly, "I suppose that means we'll have to learn to deal with that strangeness together."

Uther finally met her eyes again. "Together?" he repeated, his expression doubtful, "I am… more accustomed to dealing with things on my own."

Hunith raised her eyebrows, "Yes, I'm sure you are, but the last time I checked, a marriage requires two people."

"Yes, I suppose that is true," Uther acknowledged wryly, then shook his head, "but I have never required aid to deal with… feelings. If they get in the way of what I must do, I simply set them aside."

"And how does that usually work for you?" Huntih asked, the question somewhere between genuine and sarcastic.

"It has served me well thus far," Uther answered stubbornly. A moment later he sighed, "However… it is sometimes more difficult than other times."

"Like now?" Hunith asked quietly. She had done her own share of putting aside her feelings to do what had to be done. This marriage was certainly an example, which she suspected Uther knew.

Uther nodded once.

"It's not easy for you to admit when something's hard for you, is it?" Hunith asked. Uther didn't answer, but she didn't really need one.

A moment of silence fell between them. When it had stretched on for as long as she could stand, Hunith broke it, "Well, as much as I'd like to believe that the awkwardness will disappear if we just wait long enough, I think we both know that isn't going to happen."

She paused, "I'm not saying I'm advocating for always pushing your feelings to the side, but… you weren't entirely wrong earlier either. Perhaps the best way to move past the discomfort is to just…. well, if you'll forgive my bluntness, just… get it over with."

Not exactly the kind of sentiment expressed in the great love ballads, but they both knew their marriage had little to do with romance.

"Are you certain?" Uther asked, his voice softer now, "I do not wish to… pressure you, if you are… not ready."

"I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be," Hunith answered honestly. "and you aren't pressuring me into anything," she added. There was pressure, but that came from outside expectations, not from Uther himself, and she knew he felt it too. They could delay for hours, even days, but ultimately they would have to do this; it wasn't simply the consummation of the marriage, the whole reason Uther had sought a wife in the first place was to have a child, and Hunith knew the longer they waited, the harder it would be.

She took a deep breath, and walked over to sit on the edge of Uther's bed. As she crossed the room, the pitcher on his nightstand caught her eye, and she had to fight back a giggle, remembering Seren's advice.

Thank you for reading! Any reviews would be greatly appreciated.