Carmine exited from the training facilities of the Jedi Temple, where he passed by his twin Anakin, not even bothering to say hello to him.
"Carmine? Where are you going?" Anakin asked. But Carmine didn't answer.
Obi-Wan stepped out then, lookinh concerned.
"Anakin, did you and Carmine fight again?" Obi-Wan asked.
Anakin shook his head.
"No. What makes you think I did anything?"
"I don't know, but Carmine didn't seem entirely focused during training today. On the contrary, he seemed upset about something."
Anakin started to think about Carmine's behavior earlier that same day. He didn't seem very hungry at breakfast that morning, and it was poached eggs and cheesy toast day. Normally, Carmine gobbled it up like Anakin did bacon.
Carmine was normally so happy and outgoing; he was like an older, male version of Gabby with glasses. But today, he seemed depressed.
Concerned, Anakin and Obi-Wan decided to get to the bottom of this.
Carmine was in the apartment he and Lamenta shared when they were in the Temple. He sat on his bed, looking into a box of old things. In his arms sat a plush brown bunny with an orange ribbon tied around its neck.
Carmine cuddled the bunny closely, tears falling from his eyes. That bunny had been his very first birthday present. A present from his late grandmother Miranda Jinn, who raised him and loved him for the first thirteen years of his life.
Miranda was an amazing woman. Although she was born a princess, she lived what most would call a poor lifestyle. Sent away for her own protection by her parents, Miranda grew up in the foster care system without a credit to her name.
She grew up in foster homes that gave her little to eat and made her spend all her time cooking and cleaning, but when she turned eighteen, things changed for the better as she met a wonderful man named Caishen Jinn and eventually married him.
Caishen treated Miranda like a queen, and they were both so happy to learn they were expecting a healthy baby boy.
But then, tragedy struck. A fire broke out in the Jinn house, and Caishen pushed Miranda out of the way of falling rubble. He didn't survive, and then Miranda went into early labor.
By some miracle, Miranda and her new baby both survived. She held her new baby boy dearly in her arms, wishing Caishen could see him now. And she remembered her husband discussing names with her not long before then. So, to honor her husband's last wishes, she named her son Qui-Gon Jinn.
Unfortunately, Miranda was left with very little money and limited resources to help take care of her baby.
Miranda had magic powers, but during those times, Enchanteds were treated as freaks, and once Miranda learned her power was Solaran magic and why her parents sent her away, she knew she had to rely on the ordina's survival methods to get by.
As much as Miranda fought, it wasn't enough for her to take care of herself and her baby. And then came the day when a Jedi came to her and said that her son had a special connection to a power called the Force, which he would need help to learn.
Miranda was hesitant though. Giving her baby to the Jedi, there was a chance she would never see him again, just like her parents. But she realized her parents had no choice. It was either give up their baby, or risk her life being taken before it could begin.
So, with teary eyes, and one last kiss, Miranda sang her lullaby to Qui-Gon one last time to put him to sleep, and placed him into the Jedi's arms.
"Please take good care of him." Miranda pleaded.
"I assure you, Mrs. Jinn." The Jedi had said. "Your son will be in very capable hands."
Sixteen years later, Miranda was happily surprised when she answered a knock on her front door, and she met a young man who turned out to be none other than Qui-Gon Jinn. You can imagine how ecstatic she was to see her son's face for the first time in forever and smother him with kisses. Sadly, as much as she would've liked, she couldn't take her son in, as she'd come to find out that the fire that took her husband was no accident. Somehow, someone found out who Miranda was, and that fire was meant to take her out, thus wiping out any heirs to the Solaran crown out for good.
Miranda told Qui-Gon to go back to the Temple to stay safe. But she told him that if he wanted to come see her again he was more than welcome as long as he came covertly and no one else knew they were related. But before he left, she gave him a gift. A book of spells like the one she would leave to her future grandson, so Qui-Gon could teach himself to control his magic powers.
Still, it broke Miranda's heart that she couldn't raise her son herself, and the only way to keep him safe was for them to be apart. But then, many years later, Qui-Gon came back with an adorable baby boy who needed a safe place to live. The Temple was out of the question, as Carmine would have magic, and if the Jedi learned of his relation to Qui-Gon, it could mean trouble. So, Miranda gladly took her grandson in and raised her as she would have Qui-Gon.
Miranda didn't have much to give in material or money, but she had more love than anyone could imagine, and she spared no expense in that regard.
Carmine loved his grandmother very much, and they were close as any grandchild could hope to be. She loved him, spoiled him in any way possible, and taught him many great things.
When she passed away, Carmine was crushed beyond what you could imagine. It was less than two months after his thirteenth birthday that she'd died of a rare virus, and because he had no other family he knew of, he was placed into foster care, where he was forced into many abusive homes before he met his future adoptive mother at a prestigious music academy, only to lose her too a few years later.
Today, Carmine couldn't help feeling a great deal of depression.
Anakin peered into the room to see Carmine alone. He was crying.
Anakin got to learn a lot about his brother since they were reunited, and they were very different personality-wise despite sharing the same face. But there were a few things about them that were identical other than their faces, and one of them was that neither of them liked to talk much about their pasts. Except, Anakin knew enough about Carmine's to know that he suffered from PTSD much like he did. Except, his was for a slightly different reason.
As a child, Carmine was bullied by his schoolmates at a much younger age than Anakin had been. But, he'd also gone through more than one loss in a short amount of time. While they both lost their father Qui-Gon Jinn, Carmine also lost the only mother he'd ever known at the time shortly after. His and Anakin's grandmother. It was only when Carmine showed Anakin the picture inside his locket that he realized he'd met her once before at a shrine citizens built outside the Temple for Qui-Gon after he died. Anakin didn't meet Carmine then because the poor boy was busy crying into his grandmother's shoulder, and hid his face so no one would see him.
Anakin also knew Carmine never wanted to give up Fluffy, his rabbit, no matter how old he got. His rabbit was with him through thick and thin. Even in high school, he still slept with his rabbit every night. And even after he got married, he had Fluffy sitting beside him on his nightstand, as he typically had Caroline to cuddle beside him at night. Cuddling that stuffed rabbit always seemed to make Carmine feel better. But today, that rabbit didn't seem to be doing much aside from keeping Carmine from having a nervous breakdown.
"Carmine, what's the matter?" Anakin asked, startling Carmine for a bit.
"Nothing!" Carmine said too quickly with a sniffle, wiping his eyes underneath his glasses. "I'm fine."
"You don't seem fine to me," said Obi-Wan. "You wouldn't even eat your favorite breakfast this morning. Is something bothering you?"
Carmine just lay on the bed and cuddled Fluffy without a word.
"Carmine," said Anakin. "Why are you so upset? Did someone do something to you?"
"No." Carmine finally said.
Obi-Wan looked at the box that lay by Carmine's feet. In it, Obi-Wan found a blue scarf with white butterflies on it, and he picked it up. It felt so soft and warm.
"What's this?" the oldest Jedi said, and then Carmine snatched it and held it like it was a precious gem.
"Be careful with that!" Carmine said angrily. "Don't ever touch it!"
Carmine sniffed again and held the scarf close to him, more tears forming in his eyes.
"Carmine, won't you tell us what's the matter?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Just leave me alone." Carmine said.
Seeing as Carmine wasn't willing to open up right now, Anakin and Obi-Wan decided to let him be as he asked. They figured, maybe he would be ready to talk later.
About an hour later, Anakin came back and found Carmine still in his bed, but this time, he was sleeping. He was still cuddling Fluffy, as well as the scarf Obi-Wan picked up earlier. Anakin placed a blanket over him and let him rest, when he noticed something else in the box. Curious, Anakin quietly picked up the box and looked inside it and found something interesting in it. A bunch of journals, each labeled for different things. And one of them was labeled, When it all went Down.
Anakin grew curious and decided to take a look inside. He knew Carmine would probably yell at him for looking in his personal journal, but he thought it might've been the best way to figure out what was going on.
Anakin found a place to sit down and started reading Carmine's journal, and he found an entry that really grabbed his attention.
It's my worst nightmare! First Dad, and now Grandma. It was bad enough knowing Dad died just after I learned he planned to come back to stay, but now Grandma is gone too. Why didn't she tell me she was sick? Did she know she was dying? Did she ever intend on letting me know there was even the possibility she would die? Why would she keep this from me?
Now, I'm going into foster care, and I'm so scared. Grandma went through the same thing when she was little, and it was terrible for her. I don't wanna go through the system. I wish I knew who my mom was, so I could find her, and maybe she would take me back.
It's just not fair! Why did I have to lose the only two people I'd ever loved? My only family? Grandma only ever did good things with her life, and she always took care of me and loved me. She didn't deserve to die any more than my father did.
Anakin felt tears come to his own eyes imagining how scared and alone Carmine must have felt at the time he'd written this, and he saw a lot of old dried up spots on the page that must have been from tears he'd cried all those years ago. He turned the page and found another entry.
It's my fourth night in my new foster home. Mr. Gordfrey seems okay. He works from home, so he's able to take care of me and I do homeschooling now. The chow here is decent, and he gave me a comfortable room for me to sleep in. But, he's always too busy to bond with me. I know no one can ever replace my family, but I'm hoping I can bond with a good foster family.
In another entry, Anakin quickly found that Carmine's first foster father started getting angry and abusive after starting to drink a lot, and once he even brought Carmine to a bar and then left his foster son behind when he left. Luckily, social services found out quickly about this when Carmine used a phone at the place to report the problem. Unluckily, it meant Carmine had to go back into the system and find another foster home.
The next few pages Anakin read looked more positive. They were even covered with stickers. There was even a picture of Carmine when he was younger with an inter-species couple. A rodian and a twilek, and they were hugging Carmine in a family photo.
Here it is, living proof that there are good foster parents in the galaxy. I really like living with the Kirans. Mrs. Kiran gives me stickers for good behavior and for flossing too, and I really like when Mr. Kiran lets me help cook dinner. They're everything I ever wanted in a family.
Every night, at least one of them reads a story with me and tucks me in at night. When I fell and scraped my knee, Mrs. Kiran was there to make it better and give me a kiss to make me feel better. And in my new school, I'm always surprised with an amazing lunch in my lunchbox, courtesy of Mr. Kiran's amazing cooking skills. They're the most loving foster parents I've ever met. And chances are, they'll choose to adopt me too! They even let me call them Mom and Dad.
But then, Anakin found another sad entry.
Just when I thought things were turning around, my foster parents' finances have gone bad. The restaurant Dad worked at went out of business because of an infestation, and he hasn't been able to find work in weeks, and Mom's salary isn't nearly enough to support all of us. And they just gave me the bad news that I have to go back into the system. They say it's for the best because they don't think they'll be able to take care of me. But I'm used to living paycheck to paycheck; it was how I grew up with Grandma, and I told them that, but they said I deserved to go to someone who can actually provide for me. But I don't need someone who can give me a rich life. I just need someone who loves me. Now all I have to remember them by is this family photo we took, all the stickers Mrs. Kiran gave me, and this book that Mr. Kiran bought for me. I guess now all I can do is hope my next foster family is nice, or that the Kirans will get back on their feet and I can live with them again.
It broke Anakin's heart to see that Carmine almost had a new family to adopt him, only for them to be dealt a bad hand and unable to keep him. And then next few entries were even more heartbreaking.
First, there was the Mabeline family, a human family who had two children not much younger than Carmine. At first, Carmine was excited because he would probably have some new friends. But, the family made him sleep on the couch, which was very lumpy and impossible to sleep on. And Carmine had to use magic to keep the other kids out of his things, and then erase their memories so they wouldn't freak out or tell the media or anything else that would reveal he was a Solaran.
Then, there was Ms. Donalaide, a Pantoran woman who just took the money she got from the system, and instead of using it to take care of Carmine, she bought herself new designer bags, makeup, and shoes, and only fed Carmine cheap frozen tv dinners and made him sleep in a dog bed.
Later, a rich family took Carmine in for publicity reasons, but made him sleep in the servants' quarters and forced him to be their waiter at meal times, never letting him sit at the table with him and only giving him what scraps were left on their plates. It was like he was Cinderella. He even had two spoiled foster sisters who pushed him around and constantly called him Four-Eyes. But, Carmine used his cell phone to record a video, which he posted on the holo-net. It turned out they were broke, and in deep debt, and took in a foster child just for the money and to put their family in a good light, hoping some big company whose leader loved children and did charity work with them would sign a deal with them to make them richer than ever.
Then, Carmine was sent to another family in the lower levels of Coruscant. He got a real bed and his own room, but his foster father didn't feed him anything more than one hard boiled egg at breakfast and dinner, and he only got a full meal at school during lunch. Luckily, the school's guidance counselor and his teachers were quick to notice he was having trouble concentrating and feeling light-headed in class, and he was rescued again.
The next foster family, Carmine was forced to sleep in the basement, and he had to use magic to blast open the door so he could run to a transport and get back to CPS headquarters to find another family. But then, he got the Cinderella treatment from another family, as in before the bibiddi bobbidi boo.
Anakin couldn't believe all this stuff Carmine went through, and all of it started right after his grandmother died.
Quickly, Anakin looked back to the entry of the day Carmine learned of Miranda's death and looked at the date.
"It's the anniversary of Grandma Miranda's death... today." Anakin said. "No wonder Carmine's upset."
"Right now, I'm not sure if I'm more upset about it being a deathaversary, or the fact that you've been reading one of my personal journals." said a voice that matched Anakin's.
Anakin practically threw the book, until Carmine caught it with the Force and brought it into his hand.
"I... I didn't mean to-" Anakin stammered.
"Save it." Carmine interrupted. "Now you know. Today was the day I faced the worst living nightmare of my life, and it only grew for months."
Carmine had tears in his eyes as he thought back to this day. He went back to his room, and Anakin followed.
"Carmine... why didn't you say anything?"
"Just leave me alone." Carmine said, sitting on his bed again.
"I'm not leaving you alone until I know you're alright."
Anakin sat down on the bed. Carmine didn't look at him, but that didn't deter his twin.
Carmine never knew his mother, and Anakin never knew his grandmother. But the way Anakin always sang Shmi's praises of how she raised him when he was little, Carmine did the same for Miranda. He was always going on about how she always taught him to do the right thing and to follow his dreams, no matter what anyone else said. One of the main reasons Miranda agreed with Qui-Gon that Carmine should not have been given to the Jedi was because at the time, the idea of following one's heart was highly discouraged, and she wanted Carmine to be able to make his own decision of who he wanted to be and what he wanted to do with his life.
"Carmine, I get it. You lost the only family you ever knew. The only mother you ever knew as a kid." Anakin said. "I never knew Grandma like you did, but from what you say, and what you've written about her that she was a great mother."
Carmine was silent.
"Look, I know how you feel. When Mom died, I died too. I was heartbroken beyond belief. And I was fortunate enough to have Padme and Gabby there to comfort me, but it still took me a long time to pull myself together again because back then, emotional support was non-existent here in the Temple. And there are still a lot of days I feel haunted by that day I lost my one and only mother. No matter how much time passes, I'll never be done missing her, so I know for a fact that you feel the same way about Grandma."
It was then that Carmine began sobbing again. Anakin got closer to Carmine and pulled him into a big hug and let him cry on his shoulder.
"I... I know I shouldn't be acting like this, but..." Carmine sobbed. "You have no idea what it was like to have a loving family, and then have so many strangers treat you like a ticket to free money and a servant."
"I was a slave before, remember?"
"But did you have to constantly get moved from place to place? Did people tell you that you deserved what happened to you? And did anyone ever say something to you along the lines of 'Your grandmother more than likely killed herself because she didn't want to keep dealing with a worthless little brat like you?'"
Anakin was shocked; he didn't see that in any entry he read in Carmine's journal. But even if he had, he doubted he would be any less shocked hearing that revelation from Carmine's mouth; how someone could be so heartless as to say that to a young child's face, he would never know.
"It was too painful to write about, let alone hear out loud." Carmine said. "And when I stood up to them and told them that they didn't know her like I did, they did this to me."
Carmine pulled up his sleeve to reveal what looked like an old scar that was mostly healed, close to becoming invisible.
"There are some things about my foster families that I couldn't write about because I never wanted to let my family to know about them." He said. "I wanted to kill them when they said that, and I easily could have. I have the power in my magic. Or I could've used a Sonar Wave to collapse a building on top of them if I wanted to. But I didn't because Grandma taught me better than that. Every day I spend traveling the galaxy with my wife and my daughter, I think of how she wanted to do so herself."
Carmine reached into his box of Miranda's old things and pulled out a book Anakin had never seen before. It was labelled, Destinations Beyond Imagination.
Anakin got the kids and Obi-Wan, and Carmine showed them his grandmother's book. It turned out that when Miranda was young, she'd done a lot of studying on some of the many worlds in the galaxy, and she'd done many sketches of some of the great places she wanted to visit someday. Great historical monuments, museums, beautiful natural landscapes of the galaxy's many worlds, and she'd drawn many beautiful fashion designs inspired by these places as well as pictures of her and in some pictures, she was with who must have been her late husband, and they were doing all sorts of great things together in the pictures they dreamed of doing together on great travels.
Visiting cafes, observing amazing creatures in their natural habitats, riding on boats across the great seas of water worlds, scuba diving, and watching a romantic sunset. And now, all those drawings were marked with a heart sticker in the bottom right corner, and a family photo of Carmine, Caroline, and Lamenta on the back of the picture in the same destination.
"So, all the first places we went to when we were touring off of Coruscant...?" said Lamenta.
"Those were all the places Grandma wanted to see, but never did." Carmine said. "During our tour here on Coruscant, someone told me how ancestors live through us, and we can feel their presence if we are receptive to them. Even in death, our loved ones are never really gone, they said. And sometimes, one of the greatest things we can do to ensure they rest in peace is fulfilling the wishes they never got to in life. So, I made it a mission to bring my family to all these great places my grandmother wished she could've brought me and Grandpa. Before she had me or Dad, Grandpa Caishen was her everything. And he gave his own life to make sure she would get to live hers. He was a real-life Prince Charming in that moment."
"I think she would be very proud of the man you've grown up to be." Obi-Wan said.
Carmine sighed. "I don't know. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm doing a good enough job. Grandma always told me that she wanted me to live my best life, and she didn't have much to give me. Whatever of what little money we had that she didn't use for food or clothes, she would set aside for my education so I could go to a good college and live a better life. I knew I needed to work hard. I didn't just want to make her proud, I needed to make her proud. I had to make sure all those years of working herself to the bone to care for me meant something, and that she knew she'd done a good job as my mother. She deserved so much better than what she had to endure."
"I may not have known her," said Anakin. "But I'd say you take a lot after her."
"Really?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, you obviously care a lot about your family. And you always make sure Lamenta has what she needs, and you always strive to give her everything you never had as a child."
"Kinda like you do with Gabby." said Ahsoka.
"Something like that." Anakin said.
Carmine thought about what Anakin said. Maybe he was more like Miranda than he thought. She wanted to make sure her grandson had a better life than she and Qui-Gon had when they were young. He grew up not having the same luxuries as a lot of other kids he'd met did. So, when he became a father himself, he strived to do the same thing his parental figures wanted for him.
"Look at you now. You got to travel across the galaxy, everyone loves your music, you're rich beyond your wildest dreams, and you don't have to worry about not being able to afford to send Lamenta to her dream school when she grows up." Ahsoka said. "I'd say that counts for something your grandmother would be proud of."
"She sounds like she was amazing." Gabby said.
"Amazing is an understatement to what a great grandmother she was." Carmine said, wiping another tear from his eye.
Lamenta climbed into her father's lap and hugged him.
"If she were here now, I think she would be very happy with where you are now, Daddy." she said.
"I agree," said Obi-Wan, "All your grandmother truly wanted, from what I can see, was for you to find where you belong. And with the changes in the Order, I think she and your father would be very happy to see how far all of us have come."
Carmine looked into his locket and saw his picture of him with Qui-Gon and Miranda together. He started to think more and more about them and wonder what they would say if they could see him now. If they could see just how far Carmine had come. Now he was back here on Coruscant, where his father and his grandmother grew up. Initially, he thought when he and Caroline settled down after their concert before being called for the Festival of Light on Naboo, they would find a place to live on some other planet like Alderaan, or Balith, or somewhere other than Coruscant. But in the end, they ended up moving into a penthouse apartment with the Skywalker family on Coruscant.
Initially, Carmine had not expected that to happen, but it seemed Coruscant was meant to be his home always. It was where he grew up, and no matter where he traveled in the galaxy, coming back to Coruscant now whether it was to the Jedi Temple or to the penthouse, it felt like coming home for more reasons than one.
Ahsoka then spotted a paper with a song on it.
"What's this?" Ahsoka asked.
"That's a song I wrote for my grandmother just before she passed." Carmine said. "When she gave me my guitar, I actually got to play it for her. In other words, I gave her a gift on my birthday."
"Will you sing it for us?" Gabby asked.
Carmine thought about it, and then got out his guitar, and played the beautiful heartfelt song called "Feels Like Home" (by Edwina Hayes).
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
In his mind and in his heart, Carmine felt so many happy memories of his grandmother come back. Singing this song, he could almost feel his grandmother smiling at him the way she had when her grandson first sang this beautiful song for her.
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Carmine then thought to his life now as he sang. He had his wife, his daughter twin brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew, and the friends he'd made in the Jedi Order.
A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Everyone thought Carmine's song was so beautiful. They could tell Miranda definitely had an impact on Carmine's heart if he was able to write that when he was just a kid.
"How is that song not in any of your albums?" said Boba.
"I didn't write it for anyone else. That was one of the songs I wrote just for someone I loved. I wrote that one just for my grandmother. Sometimes I play when I'm alone and I miss her, and it's like she's right here again. And any time I'm up on stage, I always look into the audience and picture her standing there to cheer me on like she always was when I was growing up. Regardless of what anyone else said, I only cared about her opinion. She always had faith in me, and it's her love that's kept me going."
Anakin put a hand on Carmine's shoulder and said, "She would definitely be proud of you. And I know because I'm proud to have you as my brother."
Carmine still felt a little sad about his grandmother's deathaversary, but he felt so much better seeing how many people were here to support him and remind him of how far he'd come. They were right; Miranda only ever wanted Carmine to be happy, and with all that he had now, why wouldn't he be?
He might've been rich beyond his wildest dreams and famous across the galaxy, but that wasn't what made him happiest. His greatest treasure, his greatest source of happiness was the people he loved. His family, his friends, and he played his music to share and spread that love he felt. All the love he gave, and the love he received made a beautiful song that played on the strings of his heart and soul.
If there was one thing Carmine learned in all his experience with music, it took more than one kind of note, rhythm, or tempo to make a song. And in life, the way he saw it, the many different people he loved were the notes, their journeys together were the melody, and all the challenges life threw at them were the changes in tempo, dynamics, and rhythm that made the song they called life.
And one thing Miranda taught him that he would never forget was to never forget how much his family loved him, and that no amount of riches could ever match to the value of the memories he made with his loved ones or the love they shared.