Chapter 31 - The Voices in His Head, Pt. 1

We all have voices that shape our journey through life. There are the inner voices that can guide us, such as our values, our reason and our emotions, and there are the voices of those around us, offering advice and new perspectives. Most people think there is a clear separation between the two. However, when the boundaries of the mind dissolve, we realise that there is no distinction.

We are all slaves to the tides of the universe.

—*—*—

The stormy skies had finally cleared, being replaced by strong frosty winds that blew from the Icefall caves. Luan wasn't sure if he had ever felt so cold, but he did his best to ignore it.

"Breathe in, breathe out. Clear your mind."

A gust of wind blew on his back, making his body shiver. He pressed his eyes tightly together and tried to keep going.

"Let everything go. Quiet all the voices down. Breathe in—"

"Boooo-ring!"

Luan cringed. "Not boring. Useful. Come on, breathe in…" he thought loudly, trying to make sure his own thoughts were the only ones that he could listen.

"Let's do something else, pretty please?" the words echoed through his mind, despite his efforts. Although the voice lacked a physical sound, Luan could vividly describe it. It was whimsical and playful, similar to a very young child's, and devoid of any seriousness.

"I'm meditating," the boy spoke out loud this time, hoping that it would make those around him understand that his mind was out of limits. To emphasise his point, he hummed a meditative chant.

"I hate to intrude, but I do not believe you are doing this correctly, master Luan," a second disembodied voice interjected. This voice stood in stark contrast to the first. Luan couldn't assign a gender or provide a proper description. All he could say was that the tone was monotonous, yet otherworldly.

"I'm not," the boy said, opening his eyes. He was sitting on a rock by a small lake near the caverns with his legs crossed. In front of him, above the water, Menace, his hoothoot, was angrily flapping her wings. For once, she was the only one allowing him some peace. "I need silence to meditate. Come on, you guys."

Luan wasn't sure why, but his words came out wrong. Menace emitted an angry chirp and scowled at him. With a large flap of her wings, she strode to where her trainer was and pecked his head with enough force to let out a drop of blood.

"What was that for?" the trainer exclaimed, raising his arms to shield himself. "We were making progress, Menace. You understood that pecking me was wrong."

"The beast thinks she is being excluded from our conversation," the otherworldly voice spoke again. Luan's eyes shifted to his lunatone, who was ominously floating beside him. "Should I intervene, master?"

The boy sighed and shook his head, further annoying the hoothoot. As her pecks quickened, the lunatone emitted a series of crackling noises that could be understood as laughter.

"You are making things worse, Lulu," Luan protested loudly with his thoughts.

"It's not our fault the psychic wannabe can't get into the group chat," the whimsical voice that belonged to Rev, the boy's munna, chimed in. The pink pokémon lazily let his stubby legs dangle in the air as he floated closer to his trainer and the hoothoot.

"Maybe there shouldn't be a group chat," Luan thought, finally getting a hold of his pokémon. He was grasping Menace tightly, but she was flapping her wings and wriggling herself violently.

"Or maybe this abomination shouldn't be here," the whimsical munna retorted, blowing his trunk loudly at the bird. The hoothoot squinted her eyes and pecked Luan's hand, freeing herself. It was just a pinch, but the boy winced in pain and let his pokémon go. Menace wasted no time redirecting her attention towards the munna, her gaze that of a vicious predator.

"I concur with the dream eater," the lunatone barged into the boy's mind again. "This beast thinks itself one of us. It's preposterous."

"Can you believe she said she could learn how to eat dreams!?" Rev continued, curling into a ball to defend himself from the owl pokémon. "That is MY thing. If she steals even one dream from me, that's it. No more playing nice."

The dream eater inflated like a balloon and his body got enveloped by psychic energy. Before the hoothoot could attack the munna again, rings of energy undulated through the air, like ripples in the water. Menace was stopped short of her next attack, restrained by the psychic energy. When Rev uncurled himself, his eyes had flared up with a brilliant white light.

"I should trap this bird in my mist." The munna's thoughts zapped through Luan's mind. "I should make her spend the rest of her short, useless life living through her worse nightmare, over and over again, until she whittles away into nothing. She will beg me for the sweet release of death, but—"

Luan's eyes bulged, and he quickly scooped his starter from the air, breaking the psychic wave. "That is enough," he told his munna in exasperation.

Before the boy could deal with the chaos that his team was, he heard a snort, accompanied by footsteps.

"You really need my help," the newcomer said, as he approached Luan. His hands were casually tucked in his pockets and he had one eyebrow up in a judgemental fashion. "I'm busy, so this better not be a waste of my time."

"I'm busy too, Rey," Luan muttered, letting go of his munna, who floated up like a balloon. He bit his lip, sensing Rey's disdain, but eventually let out a sigh. "So, how do we do this?"

—*—*—

The previous day

After Celeste's battle ended, she ran in panic to the centre with Powder, dragging Luan and Delia along with her. They had missed Lorelei's battle, but the trainer with the snorunt who had faced her showed up shortly after.

"That smoochum knows Sing," the boy told them, pouting. "When Snowy fell asleep, she used pound until we were down… I should have known." He kicked the air in frustration. Celeste tried to talk to him a little longer, but he seemed disinterested in the tournament now.

After the trainer left, she sank into a chair beside Delia, sounding frustrated and scared. "None of that will matter if Powder is not okay…"

Delia placed a comforting hand on Celeste's shoulder. "It's normal to feel this way. Your pokémon have never been hurt like this in a battle before, right?" Cee nodded silently, and Delia continued, trying to provide solace. "Think about the battles that veteran trainers go through. Remember when Lance became the champion last year? The battles were so intense that they had to space them a week apart to allow his pokémon enough time to heal."

"How is that supposed to make me feel any better?"

"You didn't watch it, did you? Those battles were brutal," Delia stated, closing her eyes. "In one battle, a skarmory almost severed Lance's dragonite's wing. Yet, a week later, it was fully healed, and the dragonite fought as if nothing had happened." She smiled reassuringly. "If they can fix the big injuries, they can also heal the smaller ones. As long as you get treatment in time, your pokémon will be fine."

Celeste averted her gaze, still looking somewhat unconvinced and scared. Delia gave Luan a nod, urging for him to say something too.

"Hey, Noel's poison isn't that bad," Luan tried to say with a smile. "I mean, Mia is good with poison and all. That's why her delibird can use the move. But think about it, how good can a delibird really be? She barely trains him for battle."

"So a pokémon that barely trains won against Delia and almost took me down too?" Celeste muttered. "Great."

Delia frowned at him and shook her head.

"I… uh. I mean, Noel can obviously battle. It's just that she mostly uses him for delivery and stuff, but he flies solo, so he has to… uh, know how to defend himself?" Luan started to ramble, his voice getting squeakier with every word. He cleared his throat and gave the girls a weak smile. "I was just trying to say that her arbok is the scary one. Trust me, Rev has been on the receiving end of her poison way too many times…" He paused, noticing Celeste paling at the mention of the arbok, and Delia was shooting him an angry look. "But nothing serious ever happened to my munna! You know he is, like, super healthy. Every time he's got bitten, I either gave him an antidote or took him to the centre and he was good in no time. You don't have to worry about Powder. She will be fine."

Celeste continued to stare at the boy, her face completely pale. It wasn't until Nurse Joy called her over that she snapped out of her daze and hurriedly disappeared into the infirmary, leaving Luan and Delia alone.

Luan felt his heart pounding in his chest, and an awkward silence filled the space between them.

"So…" Delia started saying, and Luan felt his body freeze and his face burn. "Does Mia really have an arbok?"

He gulped and nodded slowly. He knew he needed to regain his composure. However, he couldn't help but gaze at the girl standing before him. In the dim light of the Pokémon Centre's lobby, Delia seemed to shine like a beacon, making the world a little better.

"When I saw she had a delibird, it somehow made sense, you know? She could save on mailing and all that," Delia said, but her voice seemed distant. "But an arbok? That sounds like a pokémon for a serious trainer."

"She isn't…" The boy's voice came out high-pitched, causing him to pause. He felt a million thoughts were rushing through his head, making it difficult to focus. "Mia just wants to make money to send over to her daug-"

He abruptly cut himself off, realising he was about to reveal something he shouldn't. Luan took a deep breath, attempting to regain his composure.

"Mia wants to make money to help out our family, that's all," He explained, his tone calmer this time. "She found out being able to handle some tough battles help."

Delia nodded, still lost in her own thoughts. "I guess it makes sense… She can get some extra money from battles… and she looks like someone who can juggle a lot." She stopped and locked eyes with Luan. "Is that what you want to do?"

The boy scratched his head, slowly easing himself. "Make money? Who doesn't?"

"No. I mean, do you want to work at Razzo and battle on the side, like her?"

Luan sighed. "My family doesn't have money to support me through a journey and I don't have many influential contacts to get me a sponsorship. What I have is Mia and Razzo." He leaned on a nearby column and thought for a while. "They want to have talented trainers under their banner, heck they even wanted to sponsor people here. If I work for them, or for them through Mia, while I keep training… I want to make sure it will be easy for them to spot me when my time comes."

Delia looked at the darkness outside in silence and Luan could only watch her.

"W-what are you th-thinking about?" he asked after a while.

"My future," she said, tilting her head. "My options… I'm kind of jealous that you have it all figured out."

"Is that what I sound like?" he chuckled. "Cause I feel like the opposite of that."

Delia smiled, but her smile soon turned into a yawn. "I think Celeste will take a while longer still. Should we call it a night?"

It didn't take long for Delia to leave, waving good night at Luan. Before he could even wave back, he found himself alone in the dark, unable to push against the inner voice that told him Delia would reject him. That if he made a move, he would lose his friend too. That it was not even worth trying.

He sighed and slumped his shoulders, ready to head back to his boathouse. But as always, there was another pull. A laugh, smooth yet arrogant. "That was really pathetic."

Luan immediately recognised Rey's voice.

"You know, when mother asked me to come here and check on Celeste, I expected to see something pathetic," Rey said, making his presence known. "I thought I'd find her making a big deal and panicking over nothing. Maybe there'd be crying." He stopped beside Luan with a twisted grin. "I must say, you are even sadder than anything she could pull."

Luan grumbled and pointed towards a corridor. "If you are looking for Cee, she disappeared after Nurse Joy."

Rey shrugged. "You're more interesting. Tell me, how come you fumble at every chance with Delia?"

"None of your business," Luan muttered and attempted to walk away, but Rey blocked his path.

"Indulge me," Rey insisted. "It should be easy, right? You look at her, smile, and say, 'Let's go out, just the two of us.' There's really nothing else to it."

"I…" Luan started, but put his feet down. "You are worse than Celeste. Why do people keep trying to meddle with my life?"

Rey raised an eyebrow. "My guess is that Celeste is your friend and cares about your happiness."

"And what's your excuse?"

"It's sad to see a man so weak," Rey shrugged. "Say, why don't we make a trade?"

Luan shook his head and once again attempted to leave. "I'm not falling for that again. That stupid bet was nerve-wracking enough."

"Who said anything about a bet?" Rey frowned. "I heard you caught that lunatone of yours in Hoenn recently. I just want some information about the region. If you can get me that, I'll help you be more confident."

Luan stopped for a moment… For good or worse, Rey was the most confident person he knew. He didn't want all the toxicity, but… this couldn't hurt. The boy slowly turned around to see Rey was smirking at him.

"Okay," he finally said, praying he would not regret this.

—*—*—

Luan reached into his pocket and pulled out a small printed map of southern Hoenn. "I contacted one of the Razzo people stationed there. He guaranteed there are wild ralts around Route 102, but he said you should try to go off route, maybe to the forest in the south for better chances to find one."

Behind the two boys, Luan's munna had hovered closer to his lunatone. His hoothoot perched on a more distant rock, looking angry and lonely.

"Perfect," Rey said, examining the map. "I can take the ferry to the southern Orange Isles and from there, catch a ship to Slateport. Do you know how long it takes to reach…" He trailed his fingers across the map. "Oldale Town?"

Luan pondered for a moment. He had spent most of his time in Hoenn around Rustboro City, with a few visits to Meteor Falls, where he caught Lulu, and the forests on the southeastern city border. However, no route in Hoenn was too long. "If you hike, it might take a week or two, but you can check if there's a bus or train service available."

The silver-haired boy shrugged. "That's not the trainer way, Luan. Which brings us to our lesson on confidence. Mother mentioned there was a new ranger in the area. We are finding him and you are challenging him to a battle."

"W-what?" Luan stuttered. He snatched the map from Rey's hand, panic evident in his voice. "Shouldn't we talk about Hoenn a little more? It will take one or two months and a lot of money for this whole trip. All that just to catch a ralts? It's easier to try getting an abra if you want a psychic."

Rey frowned and took the map back.

"I already have a psychic in the making," he said, touching the green pokéball in his belt. "I need a fairy. Preferably something more powerful and more graceful than any stupid ninetales can be."

Luan chuckled. "You want to out-fairy Celeste with a gardevoir? I hate to break it to you, but alolan ninetales are still rarer and protected and all that."

"So is larvesta," Rey hissed. "But everyone seems to forget that while they drool over her stupid vulpix." He brought his hands over to the bridge of his nose, recomposing himself. "If a trainer like Celeste can do that much damage with a fairy-type move, imagine what I will do with what is clearly a superior fairy-type. The trip to Hoenn is a fair price to pay on my road to become the strongest champion Kanto has ever seen."

Luan tilted his head. "You could have just said you wanted a fairy to beat champion Lance."

"Please, a type specialist?" Rey scoffed. "Too much hype because he has dragons. If Jasper doesn't come back for his revenge, someone else with a more balanced team will. By the time it's my turn to challenge the champion, I'm expecting to fight something truly powerful."

Luan blinked in disbelief at the silver-haired boy. Like everyone else in the world, he had watched Lance's battles on television in awe. The sheer power of the champion was unlike anything he had ever seen. If anything, Lance had inspired Luan to become a trainer.

What could possibly make a person so confident to the point that they would dismiss a dragon master?

"Anyway," Rey finally said. "Much as I hate to say these words, we are not here to focus on me. I think the caves are the best place for us to find that ranger."

Rey started marching forth, and Luan fumbled around. "W-wait!"

"I told you not to waste my time," the other boy said, not looking back. "Just get your pokémon and move."

—*—*—

The cave was dark, save for the small light emitted by Rey's larvesta's horns. They could barely see where they were going and despite Rey's insistence that he knew the area, with each step Luan felt increasingly certain this was a horrible idea.

"Is it my imagination, or these caves are colder than they were last week?" Luan asked, moving closer to the larvesta for warmth. "Maybe we should go back. We are not dressed for this much cold."

Rey shook his head. "You won't ask Delia out, you won't ask a trainer to battle you," he said in a condescending tone. "Tell me, Luan, is there anything you're actually willing to do?"

Luan took a deep breath, observing the frosty vapour as it escaped his mouth. "I'm just saying it's too cold in here."

"You will never get anywhere if you keep waiting for things to happen to you." Rey shrugged. "When was the last time you challenged anyone to a battle?"

"That is easy. Never," his munna's telepathic voice came as a surprise. Rev and Lulu, despite still being out, were being quiet. Menace was perched on the boy's shoulders, still letting out angry chirps whenever she could.

Luan grumbled in response. "I told Cee we should battle sometime."

Rey scoffed. "You mean you haven't even challenged her?"

"Dude, it's creepy, okay?" Luan said, trying to prevent his teeth from chattering. "What am I supposed to do? Just stare at someone, and when they notice, I'll tell them we locked eyes, so now we have to battle?"

"You can talk like a normal person, dude."

Luan sighed. Having more battles would be good for his pokémon… and for his confidence. Still…

"Okay, what about this? We go back to town and we find someone for me to battle there?" Luan proposed, attempting a different approach. "Like I said, this place is way colder than it was last week. It's almost spooky."

"The caves get their cold from the pokémon that live here," Rey said absentmindedly, squinting his eyes. If there was an explanation beyond that, he didn't bother mentioning it. "I think I hear something."

Luan strained his eyes to see, but around them there was only darkness. Turning to his pokémon, the two who were more adapted to the lack of light, the boy asked, "Lulu, Menace, can you scout ahead?"

The lunatone crackled in response and didn't hesitate to go. The hoothoot, on the other hand, turned her face away, releasing another angry chirp.

"We keep telling you she is useless." Rev blurted in again. "Hey, I have an idea. What if you trade her for a real psychic? That way, you won't feel your efforts have gone to waste."

Luan ignored his munna and pleaded with the hoothoot. "Come on, I know you want to be part of the team. You gotta help us out."

Menace pecked him again, and Rey snorted. "Can you at least try not to be so pathetic?"

"What if you trade her for your friend's slowpoke?" Rev continued. On the side, the hoothoot kept pecking at him and Rey was letting out another judgemental chuckle. "Yes, the slowpoke would be perfect… He has such delicious dreams. And it won't even be bad for the bird. She likes the human girl."

Rev kept talking, Rey kept laughing and Menace kept pecking him. His lunatone still hadn't come back, and he was freezing cold.

"I'll talk to Lulu, then it will be two against one for the trade…" the munna went on.

"I'm not trading her!" Luan finally snapped, shouting out loud to his munna. When he realised that everyone around him could hear, he immediately brought his hands to his mouth.

Someone once said words were like decidueye's arrows. Once released, you cannot take them back. Luan shot his arrow, and ironically, it hit another owl's heart.

The world stood still as Rey's face morphed into a frown, and Menace slowly flapped her wings. There were no pecks, no chirps, only two large red eyes filled with tears.

"Mena—" the boy tried to say gently, but his voice came out high-pitched and broken.

Before he could say anything else, the hoothoot unleashed her loud, piercing cry. It was her Echoing Voice, reverberating through the walls and awakening a colony of zubat. Amidst the ensuing chaos, Menace spread her wings and vanished into the darkness.

Luan looked around to see Rey's larvesta had started to spit fire at the zubat, and that prompted some swinub to come out, annoyed by the rising temperature. The silver-haired boy released his eevee and capsakid to help with the battle. There were leaves, fire and ice swirling around them. The quiet cave had become madness, and his Lulu still wasn't back.

The boy closed his eyes, lost and only able to think of Menace.

With a surge of courage that rivalled Celeste's recklessness, he puffed his chest and sprang up. He didn't hesitate to run towards the dark and the cold and go search for his pokémon.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rey yelled.

"Wait for Lulu," Luan answered. "I'll meet you both outside."

His munna, holding on tightly to his curls, didn't say a word.

A/N:

So funny thing about this chapter. When I was done it had over 7000 words and I didn't know what to delete, so I decided to split it in two. Part 2 comes out tomorrow.

Hope you liked to see a bit of Luan's perspective :D

Also yay! Can barely believe it, but I got to 100,000 words!