The legalities: I do not own any of the Expendables franchise (characters, places, and objects especially) and this is mostly au.Rated M just to be on the safe side.
Also, please don't be afraid to write reviews. I would love to hear from you all!
Hope you enjoy!
Prompt: "I can't marry her. She'd kill me within a week."
If looks could kill, Barney was sure that he would have died about five times over in the last five minutes alone. The entire Expendable team was sitting around the hanger, most chuckling under their breaths, having just finished up with the pre-mission brief. Out of all of them, the only ones who were not chuckling were Jacoba and Gunnar, though they were also the ones who were attempting to glare holes into Barney's skull. He just rolled his eyes.
Their new mission was mostly two-person recon teams. Most of the team would be going in as potential business partners where as the team of Gunnar and Jacoba would be going in as, of all things, a married couple. To say that neither party was rather happy about this particular development, but they were just going to have to deal with it.
~~~Mission Marriage~~~Mission Marriage~~~Mission Marriage~~~Mission Marriage~~~
Three days later, the entire mission went off without a hitch (for once). It had been a bit hard for the rest of the team to fully believe, but Jacoba and Gunnar had really played into the loving married couple routine. They had even gone in so far as to (somehow) acquire wedding bands for said part.
When the rest of the team had gotten back to the plane (Gunnar and Jacoba had been back for a while), Jacoba was leaning back in her seat with her head against the side of the plane, listening to Gunnar read something off of his phone. She slightly opened her eyes and waved at the incoming team members before closing her eyes again, this time bringing her knees up to her chin. Gunnar just shook his head and went to assist the rest of the team to load up their equipment.
"Hey, Viking."
Gunnar turned a glare towards Caesar and made a motion for him to keep it down. "The Amazon has a migraine coming on, so we need to keep it down, guys."
The rest of the team winced in sympathy and Caesar now continued in a more hushed tone of voice. "Oh, sorry, man. I had just wanted tot say that you and the Amazon would really make a great real-life married couple."
Gunnar glared at the now-smirking man then huffed. "Yeah, right, Caesar. I can't marry her. She'd kill me within a week."
"If you even made it out of the chapel alive, you mean."
Everyone turned towards Jacoba, who still had her eyes closed but now had a shit-eating grin on her face. They all just chuckled and went to their seats. As long as they were all joking, everything would be alright. Plus, they all knew that Jacoba was most definitely right in this case.