Chapter 16: Requiem

I woke up late the next morning with the cuts and bruises from the battle causing me to ache and wince. I didn't call for a servant. I simply sat in my bed trying to push the memories of Frandlin and Orta's deaths from my mind. I was in shock, still numb to the actual realization of it all being real even though I had been there when it happened. I stayed in my bed for so long that it took one of the servants coming in to check on me to find out that I was awake.

"My Lady…" the servant asked tenderly. "Is there anything I can do for you? Is there anything you want?"

I remained silent and simply stared at the blankets.

"People will want to know that you're awake," she pressed just enough to do her duty. "Shall I tell them you're too tired to meet with anyone today?"

To her credit, she waited for a few minutes for me to reply before she began to slip back out of the room, "I'll tell them you're in no condition to see anyone today."

"Wait…" I choked out quietly.

My voice alone seemed to give her some hope, "Yes, My Lady? What may I do for you?"

"My diary," I looked over to my desk. "Could you bring it to me, please? I didn't write in it last night and I need to write down the day's events."

The servant bowed her head, "Of course, My Lady." She fetched the diary and placed it on a meal tray I would sometimes use to take my meals in bed along with my ink and quill. She set the set before me, "Forgive me, My Lady, but are you sure you wish to recall the battle in detail so soon?"

I looked up at her, tears in my eyes, "This diary was a gift from Lady Ortan. I promised her that I would write in it every day I was here. She'll never get to read it… but I'll keep my promise…"

She sat next to me and hugged me, "Then I will bear this pain with you."

We sat there for the next hour as I wrote down everything. The experience was painful, but cathartic. Once I was finished with the journal entry, the servant helped me get dressed. She braided my hair and made me as presentable as if I were holding a feast for my father. She had to redo my makeup a few times when I started to cry in the middle of the process. Eventually, she settled on a less-is-more approach.

It was nearly noon by the time I left my room. Faren was standing just outside the door and fumbled over me when I made myself available.

"My Lady," he gasped gently, "everyone's been so worried about you. Are you alright?"

I stared at him with a forlorn expression, the cuts and bruises on my face only just hidden by my makeup, "We need to help with clearing the battlefield."

"But, My Lady," Faren protested in shock, "you're in no state to-"

I didn't let him finish. I simply began marching to the tunnel exit that led to the battlefield, "I wasn't asking permission."

Faren and the other guards double-timed it to keep up with me, "My Lady, they've been clearing the bodies since early this morning."

"Have they found Frandlin and Orta?" I snapped.

Faren was silent for a moment, trying to figure out how to answer the question, "Not that I'm aware."

"I want someone to run ahead," I commanded. "Tell everyone, no one touches them but me."

"What about Lord Wojech, My-" Faren tried asking. He had to stop immediately and try not to bowl me over as I halted in my steps and whirled on him.

If I could have given the archdemon the look I gave Faren in that moment, I would have cowed the creature into submission, "I said 'no one'! Not Wojech, not King Maric, not the Maker himself if he thinks now is a good time to come back and help out! If their bodies are found, NO ONE touches them! They send word to me and then they wait! Am I understood?!"

The blood drained from Faren's face and he nodded silently, "Y-yes, My Lady. Of course. Please, forgive me."

I turned and marched back to the exit, "No one's running yet!"

Faren commanded one of the guards to run ahead and relay my command to everyone in the field.

No one had started clearing the field till after sunrise. The Dalish had been kind enough to set guards along the forest line so that predators wouldn't begin prowling the area and feeding on the dead. Now that the sun was up, archers were watching the skies for birds that might try to do the same. The Dalish were primarily focused on clearing out their dead from the forest, while humans and dwarves were clearing the main field. My command had slowed the process because now every human had to be paired with a dwarf just in case they found Frandlin or Orta.

With my command going ahead of me, it signaled for most everyone to gather at the exit. When the doors were opened, King Maric, Trian, and the other Fated were standing there waiting for me. I had been rather hoping I could avoid them all but knew deep down that I couldn't.

I offered them all as bright a smile as I could muster and a curtsy, "Good morning to you all."

Trian walked right up to me a hugged me close and tight, "You shouldn't be out here, Merida. You need to rest."

I returned the hug, "I have to find them and I have to take care of them."

"We can do that for you," he said quietly. "Don't put yourself through all of this."

I looked up at him and shook my head, my eyes puffing with tears, "Let me do this. Let me find Frandlin and Orta. Then… I'll just supervise if you like."

Trian seemed hesitant, but nodded and released me, "I'll accompany you."

The others bowed their heads, touched my shoulder, or quietly offered me their support. They filed in behind me as I started to make my way across the field. I've always been good with directions. Even in my past life, once I'd been somewhere I could always get back there even if I weren't going the same way. It's like maps and directions just formed in my head and I could simply follow them. Things hadn't changed since then.

I could estimate the path the cavalry took out of the gate and back through its second pass. I approximated where we had intercepted the ogres and started there. I found the area where we had held off the darkspawn for a time. I stood in the center of the circle we'd made, "Just here… Frandlin, Faren, and I were knocked off our brontos after an ogre charged through the cavalry line. We stood right here… back to back… keeping each other safe…"

I walked south several yards to the point where Sigrun had rescued me. I tried to ignore the shiver that ran through me as the memory flashed back to me. I pointed to the spot, "Faren ran in front of me, Frandlin guarded our backs as we moved to get to the brontos. Frandlin… he saved me by forcing me to get onto Sigrun's bronto. Three darkspawn…"

I turned back to the fort, adjusted my direction slightly and continued on, slower, more carefully. It took me longer than I expected to find him. He hadn't simply walked away and died. Frandlin had continued through the darkspawn ranks for another minute or so before finally falling. I nearly lost my composure when I finally found him. His body rested on top of a dead genlock, his hand still resting on his sword's pommel where he'd pierced the creature's throat, the three spears he'd been pierced with still impaling him.

I almost broke right there. My knees were about to buckle but I braced myself on one of the spears and forced myself to pull it from his body.

"Merida," Serena gasped. "Please, let us help."

"Don't you touch him! Don't any of you touch him!" I screamed up at her as I shoved the spear at Faren, "Hold on to these. Don't clean them."

Faren took the spear and stared at it in confusion, "As you wish, my Lady…"

I removed the other two spears and gave them both to Faren. Then I sat down and pulled Farin's body over to lay in my lap, cradling him for a few minutes and went over everything we'd been through, then talked about the plans we'd been making for the future. He'd been so looking forward to starting a family with me. He'd wanted at least four kids, to establish yearly family traditions, to work with the Shaperate to have more of Orzammar's history available to the public, and to establish a new annual tournament to honor the Paragons (he wanted to be the first to fight in the name of Paragon Orodum).

While I was taking my time with Frandlin, one of the nearby carts stopped and waited for me. When I was ready, I called upon my mana to enhance my strength, then lifted Frandlin with all care and placed him carefully on the cart. I instructed the men hauling the cart to take him directly to the tunnels and to have him cleaned and preserved for the trip home. When the cart left, I began to make my way quietly to the ramp wall.

It was easy to find Orta. All I had to do was look for the stone spikes with impaled darkspawn on them. I stood above my dear friend trying not to cry. She still had that forced smile on her face, the one she'd given me as if to try and let me know everything would be alright. I moved to my knees and scooped her carefully into my lap, holding her close. Now, I did cry.

"This was my fault," I sobbed.

"You can't believe that," Trianna said as she dropped down beside me and hugged me close.

"It is, though," I kissed Orta's forehead. "She dropped her guard when I arrived. She looked to me for relief, as someone who'd come to save her. And the moment she looked to me…"

"Don't," Trianna interrupted. "You can't blame yourself for that."

"She's right, My Lady," Faren agreed quietly. "She was a warrior. She knew better than to drop her guard in the face of an enemy, but she forgot herself. I understand you blame yourself for her decision… but it was a failure in judgment that led to her death."

I wanted to hate Faren for saying what he said. I wanted to snap at him, scream at him, tell him to be quiet. He was betrothed to her, after all, so he could have shown a little more compassion. All I could do was hug Orta and apologize to her again.

We waited for a few minutes for another cart to come by and I placed Orta on it, giving the carriers the same instructions I had with Frandlin. Dwarves wouldn't be left here. We were going to preserve them and bring them home to Orzammar.

"Faren…" I said as Orta's body was carted away.

"Yes, My Lady?" he stepped forward hopefully.

"Send a rider to Orzammar with haste," I instructed him. "Tell them I want a mausoleum built for everyone who fell in the battle. It needs to be ready before we arrive. Every dwarf who died here today will have their own special placement. Their names, their deeds… everything will be recorded on plaques. I want the mausoleum placed in the Halls of the Paragons; beside the city doors."

"As you command, My Paragon," Faren bowed deep then hustled off to see it done.

I took a deep breath and turned to the others, "I suppose we should plan our ceremonies and speeches."

Maric knelt in front of me and placed a hand on my shoulder, his expression told me that he understood what I was going through completely, "Why don't we work on that together, my dear?"

I smiled sadly at Maric and nodded.

It took two days to completely clear the field of the dead. Another few days were spent building a massive funeral pyre for the humans and elves. After a week, the darkspawn were all but gone, burned in one of the craters made by the trebuchets.

A week and a day after the Battle of Ostagar everyone was gathered in the western part of the fort. The dead had been wrapped and laid on the funeral pyre. The dwarven convoy was prepared to leave with caskets for the dwarven dead frozen with magical ice so we could transport them back to Orzammar for their funerals. Maric, Trianna, and I stood on a stage built for the occasion.

Maric stood at the front of the stage, looking over the crowd, "We've gathered here today to mourn the loss of those who fell in the battle against the Blight. For the first time in centuries, humans, elves, and dwarves stood together, lived together, worked together, and fought together for the common good of the realm."

"For the past three years we have learned to work together," he continued. "We have become more than friends. Many of us have become family. We've worked so closely together for so long that we mourn the loss of every fallen comrade on the field. Things have happened to strain that relationship, but our common goal kept us together."

He turned and pointed to me, "But the person who brought us together, the person who made this a common goal, is still here with us. I give you, Paragon Merida Orodum, Princess of Orzammar."

There was a long applause as I stepped forward, then turned and motioned to the massive funeral pyre, "This is the price of victory. Friends, family, comrades. Men and women we came to know personally. Warriors all. They fought and died for every one of us. Their names will always be remembered. Their sacrifice will be etched into the stone itself."

I went quiet for a few moments before raising my head and looking out over the crowd, "I lost two of my dearest friends in the battle. One of them was my betrothed. They followed me here because they believed in this cause, they believed in my ability to see this through, and they believed that dwarves, elves, and humans could work together to make this world a better place for everyone."

"They died for that dream," I squared my shoulders and raised a fist up to my chest. "It is up to us to live for that dream! Everyone of us here was a part of something horrible, but special. We have shown the world something it hasn't seen in over four hundred years! We have shown the world that together, dwarves, elves, and humans are an alliance which no force can stand against! We have shown the world that we can happily live together and work together!"

I summoned my mana and activated Heroic Aura, "It is my hope that every one of you will go out and become a witness to the hardiness and loyalty of the dwarves, the reliability and focus of the elves, and the adaptability and generosity of the humans! I hope that you will let the embers of sorrow grow into flames of passion for the unification of Orzammar, Ostagar, and Ferelden."

I spread out my arms to encompass the crowd, "From this day to our last day, whenever we're presented with a challenge, I hope that everyone of us can say 'if we could achieve victory at Ostagar, we can achieve this'. If we see another person being degraded for being a dwarf, a human, or an elf, I hope we can defend that person by saying 'we came together at Ostagar, and they stood with me against the darkspawn'."

Finally, I folded my hands into my lap, and spoke mournfully, "I hope that each of you will remember this. I hope you'll all remember those who weren't able to stand here with you. I hope for the best for all of you. I hope… and I hope you all will as well. Remember what we sacrificed here. Remember what we sacrificed it for. Remember who stood beside you when those sacrifices were made."

Trianna stood beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder, "We have all lived together for three years. We know how well we've worked together. We know how strong we are together. We defeated a Blight and an archdemon in one night! We have a chance to take the sacrifice of these men and women and turn it into something amazing! The Dalish are ready to integrate ourselves with Ferelden and share our culture with you. The dwarves of Orzammar have begun uniting us all through trade. The humans of Ferelden have offered the Dalish a home and land to hunt and tame."

Maric stood on my other side, placing his hand on my shoulder, "We have a chance to become something greater than the sum of our parts. Do not let the sacrifice of the brave men and women be wasted. Remember these years. Remember the friends you made. Remember the relationships you fostered. For the rest of your days, Ostagar should be a rallying cry for unification. When you return home I hope you will find the need to pass on what you have learned here, and work with us to keep Ferelden, Ostagar, and Orzammar united and growing stronger together. Now, if you would all bow your heads and say quiet prayer before we light the pyre."

Thousands of heads bowed, humans, dwarves, and elves together in mourning. As they prayed, Maric took a torch while Trianna and I simply conjured fire into our hands. We moved together and put the flames to the pyre. The flames caught quickly and spread easily.

I waited for the pyre to burn down about halfway before I took my leave. I said a tearful goodbye to Trianna, who'd I'd been with for ten years now. She and Aelfric would work to lead the Dalish into establishing Ostagar into a fine Dalish settlement. Allen and I agreed to meet once a year at the college to discuss educational reform of the lessons, and working with King Maric to establish the village protector and army mage positions. Serena ensured I would be sent an invitation to her wedding to Alistair.

We left Ostagar less than a half hour after our goodbyes. The journey back to Orzammar was somber and I confess that I didn't say much. It took me some time to mentally prepare myself for the welcome we would be receiving. In fact, I knew it wouldn't be a celebration right away. I had riders go ahead and let everyone know we had dead to put to rest, and that was our priority.

On the day of our arrival I wore a long, black gown. An actual gown, not a gambeson. I ordered everyone in the convoy to wear black or darker clothes as well. The homecoming could wait. I wanted the burial service to be the priority. I also had everyone dismount from their brontos. We would walk them in quietly.

There were no cheers or smiles as we approached the city. Dwarves were out in droves and bowed their heads as the procession made its way through the expanded surface market and up to the city gates. Father and Bhelen, as well as Orta's parents and Frandlin's mother and sister were waiting for us at the top of the steps. I could see Rica and Veron off to the side, they seemed relieved to see that Faren and I were safe.

We stopped at the steps and I dipped into a deep curtsy before Father. He looked almost ancient now, "Father. Your people have returned victorious from Ostagar. We would like your permission to lay to rest our fallen friends and loved ones."

"Paragon Orodum," Father said somberly, "we welcome you all back to Orzammar. Please, bring the fallen in. We will place them in the memorial mausoleum with honor."

I led the procession into the Hall of the Paragons, stopping momentarily to hug Frandlin's mother before moving on. At the other end of the hall were a set of ornate doors on the right, just before the entrance to the city. If the doors were ornate, I couldn't properly describe the beauty inside of the mausoleum.

Father had outdone himself with the construction and presentation. The place was massive, with lanes wide enough for two brontos to walk side by side comfortably. We'd lost just over five hundred dwarves to the darkspawn and each of them had a dais and stone caskets carved out of the stone in a massive semi- circle. Lyrium ornamentation decorated every dais, and the name of every dwarf was etched into the caskets with lyrium as well. Frandlin and Orta's caskets were at the center of the semicircle. There was a large wall behind the caskets that told the story of Ostagar and, to my surprise, had the speech I'd given at the ceremony. No doubt Faren or Trian had something to do with that.

Because there were stone caskets with names already carved into them, each body that was brought in had to be announced. Luckily, the mausoleum already had very dedicated caretakers who had memorized the location of each casket. We made a ceremony of it, though. A name would be called, their family would be allowed to approach and help carry their loved one in, and help inter them. I made sure that Orta and Frandlin were saved for last. I did that so that I could help carry them in personally.

As we finished entombing Frandlin I approached his mother, curtsying before her, eyes filled with tears, "Lady Ivo…"

"Morcha, please," she insisted as she leaned in and lifted me from my curtsy. "Thank you for bringing my son home, My Paragon."

I shook my head, "I'm so sorry. It's my fault. He died saving me."

"No, Merida," she broke all protocol by leaving out every title and simply calling me by my first name. She pulled me in for a hug and squeezed tight, "Don't you think that it's your fault. Don't you dare. He loved you and he believed in you and your vision for the future."

She eased me back and smiled at me, tears in her eyes as well, "After some time, please come calling. I will show you the letters he sent me. He raved about your ability to bring everyone together, to keep up morale and how you kept everyone happy. He admired you so much."

Her words brought back all the hurt I'd felt from Frandlin's loss and if it weren't for her holding me, I would have fallen to the floor and broken down then and there.

Wojech stepped in and embraced me, holding me firmly, "Your hurt for his loss honors him and our family, Princess. No matter what happens, we will always consider you family. If you ever have need of us, even if it's simply to talk and remember him, you need only ask."

"Thank you, Wojech," I choked, hugging him tight,

Faren stepped up beside me and cleared his throat, "My Lady. Let's get you home."

"Thank you, Faren," Wojech said as he carefully passed me over to Faren. "She should rest. She's gone through a lot today."

Trian escorted me outside of the mausoleum and I had to take a few minutes for Father to say a few words about the mausoleum and how we wished for everyone to take the day to reflect on the sacrifice those interred had made. Once that was done, Father, Bhelen, Trian, and Faren took me home.

Kalah was an absolute mess when I arrived, fussing over how distraught I looked and how much she missed me. I took the next few days to mourn over my lost friends properly; days I didn't have to give speeches, hold meetings, or be looked at to lead a convoy. I took the time to simply cry, talk with Kalah, Rica and Faren, and reflect on how everything I'd worked for over the past twenty years had finally come to a head.

On my last day of mourning, I went to the Shaperate and gave them the diary Orta had given me before I'd left for Orzammar. True to my word, I had written in it every day detailing the events of each and every day, including the day I turned the diary over to the Shaperate. All-in-all, there were over twelve hundred pages of entries. Because I would mention who I spoke to each day, and the fact that I spoke to every dwarf, including the dead, the Shaperate insisted that the pages be inscribed into the mausoleum. The caskets were even moved so that each casket was in order of the dwarves being mentioned. I refused to let them move Orta and Frandlin, though. I wanted them in the center, and they were mentioned almost every day once Orta arrived in Ostagar.

I had new goals to work toward, and mourning the dead wouldn't help me achieve them. Life had to go on. Orzammar was ready for more change, and I was ready to help make it happen.